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1
00:00:05,733 --> 00:00:07,132
Doesn't it just look like we're...
2
00:00:07,167 --> 00:00:08,901
we're meant to be together?
3
00:00:08,936 --> 00:00:11,703
Hey, Jeff, we, uh
4
00:00:11,739 --> 00:00:14,406
we have over 400 hours of
you talking about Linda.
5
00:00:14,441 --> 00:00:17,376
Is there anything else
you want to talk about?
6
00:00:17,411 --> 00:00:19,678
Yeah, okay, how about we talk about
7
00:00:19,713 --> 00:00:21,847
the loser she's dating now, huh?
8
00:00:21,882 --> 00:00:23,715
I mean, look at this guy.
9
00:00:23,751 --> 00:00:24,883
I just don't get it, I mean,
10
00:00:24,919 --> 00:00:27,853
what does he have that I don't?
11
00:00:27,888 --> 00:00:30,222
I'm going crazy here. What am I missing?
12
00:00:30,257 --> 00:00:31,323
Come on, Jeff.
13
00:00:31,358 --> 00:00:32,658
Isn't it obvious?
14
00:00:32,693 --> 00:00:34,426
Look... look closely.
15
00:00:34,461 --> 00:00:35,727
He's rich!
16
00:00:35,763 --> 00:00:39,064
Yeah, money is Earth's
greatest aphrodisiac.
17
00:00:39,099 --> 00:00:40,098
What? Where the hell
18
00:00:40,134 --> 00:00:41,566
did you come up with that idea?
19
00:00:41,602 --> 00:00:42,834
I mean, Jesus Christ, Jeff.
20
00:00:42,870 --> 00:00:45,270
Are you actually looking when you watch TV?
21
00:00:45,306 --> 00:00:46,738
Love
22
00:00:46,774 --> 00:00:48,573
cannot exist without
23
00:00:48,609 --> 00:00:50,709
luxury.
24
00:00:50,744 --> 00:00:52,911
Skinless billionaire Fred
Grint renewed his vows
25
00:00:52,947 --> 00:00:55,380
today with his 25-year-old
smoking hot wi...
26
00:00:55,416 --> 00:00:58,350
Yeah, dating in your 20s is so fun,
27
00:00:58,385 --> 00:01:00,085
especially when you have a sick loft
28
00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:02,220
in the most expensive
city in the world!
29
00:01:02,256 --> 00:01:04,222
And we don't even have jobs!
30
00:01:05,626 --> 00:01:07,626
You see, Jeff? There's a secret ideology
31
00:01:07,661 --> 00:01:09,127
hidden in everything on TV.
32
00:01:09,163 --> 00:01:10,729
And if you pay close attention, you can...
33
00:01:10,764 --> 00:01:12,731
Guys, guys, please. I'm
trying to watch the show.
34
00:01:12,766 --> 00:01:15,534
♪ Three aliens
came from the sky ♪
35
00:01:15,569 --> 00:01:17,135
♪ The Galactic
Council sent them ♪
36
00:01:17,171 --> 00:01:18,570
♪ And here's the reason why ♪
37
00:01:18,605 --> 00:01:20,138
♪ Their mission is to study ♪
38
00:01:20,174 --> 00:01:23,141
♪ Earth's most average guy ♪
39
00:01:23,177 --> 00:01:24,643
♪ To see if humans are worth saving ♪
40
00:01:24,678 --> 00:01:27,813
♪ Or if everyone has to die ♪
41
00:01:27,848 --> 00:01:29,881
Wait... what?
42
00:01:37,024 --> 00:01:38,056
Linda!
43
00:01:38,092 --> 00:01:39,057
Hey, Jeff.
44
00:01:39,093 --> 00:01:40,826
Oh, my God. How are you?
45
00:01:42,596 --> 00:01:43,929
I just broke up with Chet.
46
00:01:43,964 --> 00:01:44,930
What?
47
00:01:44,965 --> 00:01:46,798
Uh... oh, no.
48
00:01:46,834 --> 00:01:50,002
That's, uh, that's terrible news.
49
00:01:50,037 --> 00:01:51,770
I've just been kind of lonely
50
00:01:51,805 --> 00:01:54,673
and I was hoping we could
grab a bite some time.
51
00:01:54,708 --> 00:01:56,274
I'm sorry, is that weird?
52
00:01:56,310 --> 00:01:57,809
If by weird you mean the best thing
53
00:01:57,845 --> 00:01:58,944
I ever heard in my life,
54
00:01:58,979 --> 00:02:01,780
well, then yeah, it's cuckoo bananas!
55
00:02:01,815 --> 00:02:03,281
Jeff.
56
00:02:03,317 --> 00:02:05,117
Do you want to get dinner tonight?
57
00:02:05,152 --> 00:02:07,352
Just something simple
and, I don't know,
58
00:02:07,388 --> 00:02:09,788
it would just be so
nice to hang out...
59
00:02:09,823 --> 00:02:10,922
How about Shogu?
60
00:02:14,995 --> 00:02:16,294
I hear it's delicious.
61
00:02:16,330 --> 00:02:18,096
Oh, my God, that sounds amazing!
62
00:02:18,132 --> 00:02:20,499
Oh... isn't that place really expensive?
63
00:02:20,534 --> 00:02:24,970
Linda, a girl like you deserves luxury.
64
00:02:26,907 --> 00:02:28,540
How about this? This has
to be worth something,
65
00:02:28,575 --> 00:02:29,541
right?
66
00:02:29,576 --> 00:02:32,544
Uhh, this is a rusty frame, so no.
67
00:02:32,579 --> 00:02:33,545
How about these? These...
68
00:02:33,580 --> 00:02:35,013
these are basically brand-new.
69
00:02:35,049 --> 00:02:36,381
Look, pal, come on,
70
00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:39,117
there's a recycling center down the block.
71
00:02:42,356 --> 00:02:45,357
Leave me alone with the boy.
72
00:02:46,593 --> 00:02:49,227
In the Battle of the Ardennes,
73
00:02:49,263 --> 00:02:53,298
I was in a foxhole with a wounded man.
74
00:02:53,333 --> 00:02:57,002
I stuffed his entrails back into his gut
75
00:02:57,037 --> 00:03:00,005
and saved him from certain death.
76
00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:03,008
That man turned out to be
77
00:03:03,043 --> 00:03:06,011
the King of Sweden.
78
00:03:06,046 --> 00:03:09,414
They named a waterfall after me and then...
79
00:03:09,450 --> 00:03:12,851
he gave me this box of coins.
80
00:03:14,755 --> 00:03:16,755
It's your... legacy.
81
00:03:23,697 --> 00:03:25,997
Eh, I'll give you 30 bucks for it.
82
00:03:26,033 --> 00:03:27,499
Yeah, okay, that seems fair.
83
00:03:29,636 --> 00:03:33,572
Hi, just wondering, do you
have free sides of white rice?
84
00:03:33,607 --> 00:03:36,108
You do? Oh, thank you!
85
00:03:36,143 --> 00:03:38,343
Okay, so if we just get two miso soups,
86
00:03:38,378 --> 00:03:40,612
one edamame, then we can fill up
87
00:03:40,647 --> 00:03:42,214
on as much wasabi, rice...
88
00:03:42,249 --> 00:03:44,683
All right, buddy, drop the pantalones.
89
00:03:44,718 --> 00:03:46,618
Every once in a while, we
actually have to do our jobs
90
00:03:46,653 --> 00:03:48,053
around here, you know what I'm saying?
91
00:03:48,088 --> 00:03:49,221
Let's get some bodily samples.
92
00:03:49,256 --> 00:03:50,789
What? No! I don't have time
93
00:03:50,824 --> 00:03:51,923
for this right crap right now.
94
00:03:51,959 --> 00:03:52,958
I'm budgeting!
95
00:03:52,993 --> 00:03:55,560
What's "budgtiting"?
96
00:03:55,596 --> 00:03:58,597
You spoiled little alien brats!
97
00:03:58,632 --> 00:04:00,565
You have any idea how
hard I have to struggle
98
00:04:00,601 --> 00:04:01,766
just to make ends meet?
99
00:04:01,802 --> 00:04:04,769
Then, if I want to do
something special, I have to...
100
00:04:04,805 --> 00:04:07,439
I don't get it... why wouldn't
you just use an Energy Trader?
101
00:04:07,474 --> 00:04:10,242
Well, I don't know what that is.
102
00:04:11,745 --> 00:04:13,545
Basically, this little sucker right here
103
00:04:13,580 --> 00:04:15,714
just rearranges molecules to create
104
00:04:15,749 --> 00:04:17,482
anything you want in the universe.
105
00:04:17,518 --> 00:04:19,050
Okay, let me get this straight, all right?
106
00:04:19,086 --> 00:04:22,120
Just... you know, so I
understand things here,
107
00:04:22,156 --> 00:04:23,288
all right?
108
00:04:23,323 --> 00:04:25,557
You mean to tell me this
thing can make anything?
109
00:04:25,592 --> 00:04:27,325
Like, I don't know,
110
00:04:27,361 --> 00:04:30,795
let's say I wanted a... pffft...
111
00:04:30,831 --> 00:04:32,597
brand-new Porsche or...
112
00:04:38,438 --> 00:04:41,239
Holy [bleep]! This is awesome!
113
00:04:41,275 --> 00:04:42,474
You guys should give this thing
114
00:04:42,509 --> 00:04:43,942
a better name than Energy Trader.
115
00:04:43,977 --> 00:04:45,177
I mean, y-you should call it
116
00:04:45,212 --> 00:04:48,346
the Magical Super Wonder Dream Machine!
117
00:04:49,716 --> 00:04:51,483
Well, Energy Trader's
a little more accurate,
118
00:04:51,518 --> 00:04:52,851
- 'cause that's what you just did.
- Mm-hmm.
119
00:04:52,886 --> 00:04:54,352
- Huh?
- You just traded five years
120
00:04:54,388 --> 00:04:55,954
of your life for this bad boy.
121
00:04:55,989 --> 00:04:57,088
What?
122
00:05:01,695 --> 00:05:03,361
I'm not even into cars!
123
00:05:03,397 --> 00:05:05,030
Oh, I think you'll like this one.
124
00:05:05,065 --> 00:05:06,998
I got you the sport package.
125
00:05:07,034 --> 00:05:08,200
Five years?
126
00:05:08,235 --> 00:05:11,870
Okay, wow, well, that's
a great detail to know.
127
00:05:11,905 --> 00:05:15,674
Okay, this is still amazing. I
just... I... I gotta be careful
128
00:05:15,709 --> 00:05:17,709
and stick to the essentials.
129
00:05:19,079 --> 00:05:21,279
Yeah!
130
00:05:21,315 --> 00:05:23,048
Yeah!
131
00:05:23,083 --> 00:05:24,516
Yeah!
132
00:05:25,652 --> 00:05:26,685
Yeah!
133
00:05:28,822 --> 00:05:30,555
Oops.
134
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:31,823
Yeah!
135
00:05:31,858 --> 00:05:36,728
Yeeeeee-aahhhhh!
136
00:05:40,834 --> 00:05:44,035
Bye, guys. Wish me luck tonight.
137
00:05:44,071 --> 00:05:46,137
Oh, [bleep], it's a stick!
138
00:05:46,173 --> 00:05:48,306
God damn it!
139
00:05:53,714 --> 00:05:55,413
- Jeff?
- Hey, there, I...
140
00:05:55,449 --> 00:05:58,450
I set your butt warmer to
four. I hope that's not too hot.
141
00:06:03,090 --> 00:06:05,590
Well, this time, we're
going crème brulée...
142
00:06:05,626 --> 00:06:07,392
- Mmm. Jeff...
- Then sorbet...
143
00:06:07,427 --> 00:06:09,327
Then soufflé.
144
00:06:12,099 --> 00:06:15,533
Yum! This is so fun!
145
00:06:15,569 --> 00:06:18,837
When I was with Chet,
we'd never eat dessert.
146
00:06:18,872 --> 00:06:21,840
He was always too worried about
losing his stupid six-pack.
147
00:06:21,875 --> 00:06:23,541
Pffft! Men, huh?
148
00:06:23,577 --> 00:06:25,043
Ha-ha. So tell me about that.
149
00:06:25,078 --> 00:06:26,111
What happened?
150
00:06:26,146 --> 00:06:28,046
Honestly,
151
00:06:28,081 --> 00:06:30,782
in so many ways, he was the perfect guy.
152
00:06:30,817 --> 00:06:33,518
He was handsome, funny, a generous lover.
153
00:06:33,553 --> 00:06:35,954
Uh-huh, yeah, yeah,
well, what's the bad part?
154
00:06:35,989 --> 00:06:37,922
There were little things like
155
00:06:37,958 --> 00:06:39,791
he hated kids.
156
00:06:39,826 --> 00:06:41,693
Once he held my sister's baby.
157
00:06:41,728 --> 00:06:44,296
He acted like he was cradling a turd.
158
00:06:44,331 --> 00:06:45,897
Wow. That's really sad.
159
00:06:45,932 --> 00:06:49,301
I think men who are out of
touch with their nurturing side,
160
00:06:49,336 --> 00:06:52,637
they're really missing out
on one of life's great joys.
161
00:06:52,673 --> 00:06:54,773
No, no, no, not so fast.
162
00:06:54,808 --> 00:06:56,474
You're gonna get a tummy ache, okay?
163
00:06:56,510 --> 00:06:59,077
I still can't believe they
let you bring him in here.
164
00:06:59,112 --> 00:07:00,612
Sawyer's a service animal.
165
00:07:00,647 --> 00:07:02,080
I have papers.
166
00:07:02,115 --> 00:07:04,049
You know, I don't know
what it is about you,
167
00:07:04,084 --> 00:07:05,984
but you seem different.
168
00:07:06,019 --> 00:07:09,487
Like, more mature.
169
00:07:09,523 --> 00:07:12,390
Maybe that's 'cause every
day I spent without you
170
00:07:12,426 --> 00:07:15,060
has felt like a hundred years.
171
00:07:15,095 --> 00:07:17,295
You know,
172
00:07:17,331 --> 00:07:19,764
this might sound totally insane,
173
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:22,467
but would you ever consider
giving us another try?
174
00:07:22,502 --> 00:07:23,501
[bleep] yeah, I would!
175
00:07:23,537 --> 00:07:25,003
Praise Jesus!
176
00:07:25,038 --> 00:07:26,838
I mean, yeah, yeah, sure.
177
00:07:26,873 --> 00:07:28,732
We could give it a try if you want to.
178
00:07:30,045 --> 00:07:31,756
- Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait.
- I'm so excited!
179
00:07:31,791 --> 00:07:33,224
And... now!
180
00:07:33,358 --> 00:07:35,059
Ah! Oh, my God!
181
00:07:44,904 --> 00:07:49,874
Ah... I [bleep] love you!
182
00:07:56,416 --> 00:07:58,883
This is amazing!
183
00:07:58,918 --> 00:08:00,518
What? What's Linda doing
184
00:08:00,553 --> 00:08:01,619
with this old creep?
185
00:08:01,654 --> 00:08:03,220
She's rebounding, bro.
186
00:08:03,256 --> 00:08:04,755
It's not gonna last, okay?
187
00:08:04,791 --> 00:08:05,890
Class is in session.
188
00:08:05,925 --> 00:08:07,458
- Okay.
- What you gotta do
189
00:08:07,493 --> 00:08:09,427
is just stay a presence in her life.
190
00:08:09,462 --> 00:08:10,961
How? You know.
191
00:08:10,997 --> 00:08:12,430
- Like a photo.
- Uh-huh.
192
00:08:12,465 --> 00:08:14,065
Retweet her. You know.
193
00:08:14,100 --> 00:08:16,934
Find out where she works out,
get yourself a membership.
194
00:08:16,969 --> 00:08:19,904
And let her know you're
gonna be standing right there
195
00:08:19,939 --> 00:08:21,238
when she's done with this little game.
196
00:08:21,274 --> 00:08:22,239
Brad!
197
00:08:22,275 --> 00:08:24,942
You seriously give the best advice, bro.
198
00:08:27,780 --> 00:08:29,747
Yeah, it's a... ugh...
199
00:08:32,585 --> 00:08:34,819
Oh, oh.
200
00:08:34,854 --> 00:08:36,487
Why don't we take a little break, huh?
201
00:08:36,522 --> 00:08:38,756
Break?
202
00:08:38,791 --> 00:08:39,924
We just started.
203
00:08:39,959 --> 00:08:41,759
I am so horny.
204
00:08:41,794 --> 00:08:43,094
Hey, I'm just saying. Heh.
205
00:08:43,129 --> 00:08:45,096
Let's mix it up a little, huh?
206
00:08:45,131 --> 00:08:46,597
Wouldn't it be fun to take a nap
207
00:08:46,632 --> 00:08:48,999
for 15 to 20 minutes first?
208
00:08:50,937 --> 00:08:53,003
- Huh?
- All right, that's it.
209
00:08:53,039 --> 00:08:55,106
Jeff, I'm worried about you.
210
00:08:55,141 --> 00:08:57,108
You look really awful.
211
00:08:57,143 --> 00:08:59,143
Are... are those liver spots?
212
00:09:00,813 --> 00:09:01,779
What?
213
00:09:01,814 --> 00:09:03,414
No, no, yeah, right.
214
00:09:03,449 --> 00:09:04,782
No, they're just, uh,
215
00:09:04,817 --> 00:09:07,952
big old freckles.
216
00:09:07,987 --> 00:09:10,254
What the hell is going on?
217
00:09:10,289 --> 00:09:11,655
Hey, hey, hey, guess what.
218
00:09:11,691 --> 00:09:13,858
It's our half anniversary!
219
00:09:13,893 --> 00:09:15,626
No, I don't want, no!
220
00:09:15,661 --> 00:09:18,362
- Let me go get your present.
- No more presents!
221
00:09:18,398 --> 00:09:20,331
Okay, listen up, I need something special
222
00:09:20,366 --> 00:09:22,433
to change the mood here, like
a diamond ring or something.
223
00:09:22,468 --> 00:09:24,535
Jeff, I... I don't know
buddy. Don't you think...
224
00:09:24,570 --> 00:09:25,669
- Just do it!
- Whoa!
225
00:09:25,705 --> 00:09:27,104
Okay.
226
00:09:33,346 --> 00:09:35,679
Thanks, guys.
227
00:09:37,250 --> 00:09:38,783
Good news, baby.
228
00:09:38,818 --> 00:09:40,818
Our 15 minutes is up.
229
00:09:40,853 --> 00:09:42,386
Help!
230
00:09:42,422 --> 00:09:44,455
Jeff, there's a creepy
old man in the house!
231
00:09:44,490 --> 00:09:45,556
What? No, no.
232
00:09:45,591 --> 00:09:47,558
I'm Jeff. Look, look.
233
00:09:47,593 --> 00:09:50,795
Remember the freckles, huh?
234
00:09:50,830 --> 00:09:51,996
Whoa!
235
00:09:52,031 --> 00:09:54,865
Just come here and kiss me.
236
00:09:54,901 --> 00:09:57,001
Then you'll know it's me.
237
00:09:57,036 --> 00:09:58,869
Oh.
238
00:09:58,905 --> 00:10:01,872
Linda, don't go!
239
00:10:01,908 --> 00:10:04,775
I love you!
240
00:10:07,246 --> 00:10:09,680
Well, Mr. Mahoney,
241
00:10:09,715 --> 00:10:12,983
you're a textbook case for the
importance of annual checkups.
242
00:10:13,019 --> 00:10:15,019
So much of this could've been avoided.
243
00:10:15,054 --> 00:10:17,521
The thrombosis, the melanomas,
the polyps and tumors
244
00:10:17,557 --> 00:10:19,156
on your prostate.
245
00:10:19,192 --> 00:10:22,526
Luckily, you got the best
medical care there is.
246
00:10:24,030 --> 00:10:25,496
Oh, no.
247
00:10:28,734 --> 00:10:30,267
Uhh...
248
00:10:32,705 --> 00:10:33,704
There's only so much
249
00:10:33,739 --> 00:10:35,706
modern medicine can do, Mr. Mahoney.
250
00:10:35,741 --> 00:10:37,208
I'd recommend you
251
00:10:37,243 --> 00:10:39,543
get your affairs in
order as soon as possible.
252
00:10:39,579 --> 00:10:40,911
Oh, God.
253
00:10:40,947 --> 00:10:42,880
Also, just so you know,
we do have payment plans.
254
00:10:42,915 --> 00:10:44,381
You don't have to pay all at once.
255
00:10:45,918 --> 00:10:47,718
Come on. We don't really need to see
256
00:10:47,753 --> 00:10:50,888
Jeff's bodily samples
every single month, do we?
257
00:10:50,923 --> 00:10:53,691
Without an accurate log of
this human's development,
258
00:10:53,726 --> 00:10:55,125
your whole mission is pointless!
259
00:10:55,161 --> 00:10:58,295
I mean, maybe you don't need your jobs.
260
00:10:58,331 --> 00:11:00,297
I need my job.
261
00:11:00,333 --> 00:11:02,066
Without it, I have no identity!
262
00:11:02,101 --> 00:11:03,801
As long as you get me those samples
263
00:11:03,836 --> 00:11:05,936
before the end of the
month, you'll be okay.
264
00:11:05,972 --> 00:11:08,239
You're lucky humans don't age that much
265
00:11:08,274 --> 00:11:10,808
in such a short period of time.
266
00:11:38,504 --> 00:11:40,237
Jeff, we need to talk.
267
00:11:40,273 --> 00:11:41,272
Jesus!
268
00:11:41,307 --> 00:11:43,340
You guys could've just called me.
269
00:11:43,376 --> 00:11:44,975
Shh, save your energy.
270
00:11:45,011 --> 00:11:46,477
You could die at any second.
271
00:11:46,512 --> 00:11:49,313
We've got to hurry up and
get you your youth back.
272
00:11:49,348 --> 00:11:51,749
My youth?
273
00:11:51,784 --> 00:11:54,118
All right, all we got to
do is pump the same value
274
00:11:54,153 --> 00:11:57,588
of the things you took
out back into the machine.
275
00:12:00,359 --> 00:12:03,694
What? I don't feel five years younger.
276
00:12:03,729 --> 00:12:05,930
New cars lose half their
value the second you drive them
277
00:12:05,965 --> 00:12:07,331
off the lot. Everybody knows that.
278
00:12:07,366 --> 00:12:10,100
Plus the transmission was totally shot.
279
00:12:11,804 --> 00:12:14,538
Countdown. Ten, and nine,
280
00:12:14,574 --> 00:12:16,707
and eight, ladies, and seven...
281
00:12:16,742 --> 00:12:17,808
Linda!
282
00:12:17,843 --> 00:12:19,643
- Oh, my God, Chet.
- Whoa!
283
00:12:19,679 --> 00:12:20,978
You do Lady Barre too?
284
00:12:21,013 --> 00:12:22,513
What are the odds? That's crazy.
285
00:12:22,548 --> 00:12:23,981
How have you been?
286
00:12:24,016 --> 00:12:26,150
Five, six... you're doing great!
287
00:12:32,525 --> 00:12:34,191
Oh.
288
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,975
I'm gonna miss you most, Sawyer.
289
00:12:51,010 --> 00:12:54,745
You were the little brother I never had.
290
00:13:00,720 --> 00:13:05,356
Guys, what's the use?
I'm still old as [bleep].
291
00:13:05,391 --> 00:13:08,158
So I'm just picking through
this guy's random junk,
292
00:13:08,194 --> 00:13:10,894
when suddenly I see these coins.
293
00:13:10,930 --> 00:13:12,563
- What the...
- Did you have any idea
294
00:13:12,598 --> 00:13:15,265
that they would turn out
to be the rarest, oldest,
295
00:13:15,301 --> 00:13:17,501
and most valuable coins ever discovered?
296
00:13:17,536 --> 00:13:20,504
Worth an estimated $13 million?
297
00:13:20,539 --> 00:13:21,772
Oh, you got to be kidding me.
298
00:13:21,807 --> 00:13:22,873
Yeah, and the best part is,
299
00:13:22,908 --> 00:13:25,275
I only had to pay the
guy 30 bucks for them!
300
00:13:25,311 --> 00:13:26,543
Oh, my God!
301
00:13:26,579 --> 00:13:27,911
Who was this idiot?
302
00:13:27,947 --> 00:13:29,747
Eh, you know, he's just some punk kid.
303
00:13:29,782 --> 00:13:32,016
But he's still young.
He'll figure it out.
304
00:13:34,468 --> 00:13:38,598
I still remember holding
his guts in my hands.
305
00:13:38,633 --> 00:13:42,602
I mean, do you really
think I would sell my legacy
306
00:13:42,637 --> 00:13:46,572
for $30 to some greasy pawnshop owner?
307
00:13:46,608 --> 00:13:47,807
Who you calling greasy?
308
00:13:47,842 --> 00:13:49,809
They were stolen!
309
00:13:51,346 --> 00:13:53,412
By the power vested in me by the state,
310
00:13:53,448 --> 00:13:56,816
I hereby grant you back
your rightful property.
311
00:13:56,851 --> 00:13:58,684
Shame on you, sir!
312
00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:01,687
Swindling a
109-year-old war hero.
313
00:14:01,723 --> 00:14:02,788
Ah.
314
00:14:04,359 --> 00:14:07,460
All right, let's do this. Let's do this.
315
00:14:12,567 --> 00:14:15,134
Oh... thank God I'm back.
316
00:14:15,170 --> 00:14:17,637
I got to go find Linda and...
317
00:14:17,672 --> 00:14:20,106
Uh, guys?
318
00:14:20,141 --> 00:14:22,008
Huh. I guess we should've
319
00:14:22,043 --> 00:14:24,043
done some basic calculations first.
320
00:14:24,078 --> 00:14:26,679
What the [bleep] is going on here?
321
00:14:26,714 --> 00:14:27,680
Uhh...
322
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,654
Oh, okay, I see, I see.
323
00:14:34,689 --> 00:14:37,290
We should've just pumped
$6 million into the machine.
324
00:14:37,325 --> 00:14:40,393
You mean Jeff could've kept $7 million?
325
00:14:40,428 --> 00:14:42,128
Oh, my god, that would've been amazing!
326
00:14:46,568 --> 00:14:47,867
♪ Good night, little baby ♪
327
00:14:47,902 --> 00:14:50,069
♪ It's time to go to sleep ♪
328
00:14:50,104 --> 00:14:51,571
♪ Bah bah bah bah bum ♪
329
00:14:51,606 --> 00:14:53,172
♪ Sweet little baby ♪
330
00:14:53,208 --> 00:14:54,807
♪ And don't you make a peep ♪
331
00:14:54,842 --> 00:14:56,542
♪ Bah bah bah bah bum ♪
332
00:14:56,578 --> 00:14:59,378
Hello, Jeff?
333
00:14:59,414 --> 00:15:02,248
I just came by to get my stuff and...
334
00:15:03,418 --> 00:15:05,051
Oh, my God.
335
00:15:05,086 --> 00:15:08,888
Oh. Oh, my God, little angel.
336
00:15:08,923 --> 00:15:10,556
Who are you?
337
00:15:15,363 --> 00:15:17,930
Don't worry. You're safe now.
338
00:15:17,966 --> 00:15:19,999
That's right, bro. We're here for you.
339
00:15:20,034 --> 00:15:22,235
And we're not going anywhere.
340
00:15:22,270 --> 00:15:24,103
I don't understand where Jeff could be
341
00:15:24,138 --> 00:15:25,571
or what's happening.
342
00:15:25,607 --> 00:15:27,340
I mean, Linda, look at the facts.
343
00:15:27,375 --> 00:15:31,244
He's aging fast, losing hair,
suddenly flush with cash.
344
00:15:31,279 --> 00:15:34,080
It's crystal meth, baby!
345
00:15:34,115 --> 00:15:35,081
Ah!
346
00:15:35,116 --> 00:15:37,383
It's okay, it's okay.
347
00:15:37,418 --> 00:15:40,419
Poor guy's probably
going through withdrawal.
348
00:15:40,455 --> 00:15:43,055
This is so awful. What do we do?
349
00:15:43,091 --> 00:15:46,259
What he needs is some stability and love.
350
00:15:46,294 --> 00:15:47,793
And we're gonna give it to give it to him.
351
00:16:02,944 --> 00:16:04,410
Oh, uh, oops.
352
00:16:06,981 --> 00:16:08,614
Uh!
353
00:16:11,653 --> 00:16:13,419
Here's what you got to do, bro.
354
00:16:13,454 --> 00:16:16,222
Take her on a hike to Rainbow Falls.
355
00:16:16,257 --> 00:16:17,456
- Chicks love hikes.
- Uh-huh.
356
00:16:17,492 --> 00:16:19,625
Then, put the ring at
the end of a fishing line.
357
00:16:19,661 --> 00:16:21,060
- Don't let her see.
- Yeah.
358
00:16:21,095 --> 00:16:22,395
That's when tell you
her you're gonna get her
359
00:16:22,430 --> 00:16:24,830
- the ultimate catch.
- Okay.
360
00:16:24,866 --> 00:16:27,800
Then reel it in, look
her in the eye, and say,
361
00:16:27,835 --> 00:16:30,736
"the ultimate catch is me."
362
00:16:30,772 --> 00:16:32,471
Boom, got yourself a fiancée.
363
00:16:32,507 --> 00:16:35,908
Brad, you seriously give
the best advice, bro!
364
00:16:35,943 --> 00:16:36,909
- No!
- Ah!
365
00:16:36,944 --> 00:16:37,910
No!
366
00:16:37,945 --> 00:16:39,612
Cough it up you stupid baby!
367
00:16:39,647 --> 00:16:41,280
Ah!
368
00:16:51,359 --> 00:16:54,593
Oh, great. Now he's stuck at daycare.
369
00:16:54,629 --> 00:16:55,661
How are we supposed to get
370
00:16:55,697 --> 00:16:57,830
Jeff's bodily samples in time now?
371
00:16:57,865 --> 00:16:59,598
- Oh, God.
- Oh well.
372
00:16:59,634 --> 00:17:02,501
I guess I can always fall
back on my massage training.
373
00:17:02,537 --> 00:17:04,503
Yeah, and I've got my
uncle's scrap metal business
374
00:17:04,539 --> 00:17:05,538
I can always go back to.
375
00:17:05,573 --> 00:17:07,506
- This job defines me!
- No, Jimmy!
376
00:17:07,542 --> 00:17:09,008
Huh?
377
00:17:17,385 --> 00:17:18,451
Gotcha!
378
00:17:21,923 --> 00:17:23,489
All right, baby Jeff.
379
00:17:23,524 --> 00:17:25,825
Just think of some stuff you want.
380
00:17:34,736 --> 00:17:37,370
Looks like Jeff really
developed a taste for baby food.
381
00:17:37,405 --> 00:17:38,871
Uhh...
382
00:17:41,542 --> 00:17:43,709
Who are you?
383
00:17:43,745 --> 00:17:46,312
I'm... Andy.
384
00:17:48,416 --> 00:17:49,982
Oopsies.
385
00:17:53,087 --> 00:17:54,820
Gosh, I've never seen them this worked up.
386
00:17:54,856 --> 00:17:55,888
Don't worry.
387
00:17:55,923 --> 00:17:58,991
A little nap time will
calm them right down.
388
00:17:59,026 --> 00:18:02,328
Sweet dreams, little angels.
389
00:18:04,766 --> 00:18:06,432
Where are you?
390
00:18:06,467 --> 00:18:07,666
There you are!
391
00:18:11,939 --> 00:18:14,039
All right! Our main man is back!
392
00:18:14,075 --> 00:18:16,075
Oh, thank gosh. Let's get your samples
393
00:18:16,110 --> 00:18:17,710
so none of us lose our jobs here, okay?
394
00:18:17,745 --> 00:18:19,245
No, you're not touching me. Get away!
395
00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:20,846
I gotta get Linda back. Ah!
396
00:18:23,217 --> 00:18:24,417
Who the hell is that?
397
00:18:24,452 --> 00:18:28,287
I'm Andy!
398
00:18:28,322 --> 00:18:29,355
Huh?
399
00:18:30,594 --> 00:18:33,027
Oh! I feel a nibble.
400
00:18:33,062 --> 00:18:36,074
I think I may have just
gotten you the ultimate catch.
401
00:18:36,109 --> 00:18:37,123
Linda!
402
00:18:37,159 --> 00:18:39,325
Oh!
403
00:18:39,361 --> 00:18:40,493
Uhh...
404
00:18:40,529 --> 00:18:41,461
Ah!
405
00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:43,304
- Jeff!
- Easy, man.
406
00:18:43,340 --> 00:18:46,474
We don't have any drugs here, okay?
407
00:18:46,509 --> 00:18:49,544
Listen pal, the only high I'm interested in
408
00:18:49,579 --> 00:18:51,846
is the rush of endorphins and dopamine
409
00:18:51,882 --> 00:18:55,817
I get every time I hang out with Linda.
410
00:18:55,852 --> 00:18:56,951
Did that makes sense?
411
00:18:56,987 --> 00:18:58,720
Where the hell have you been?
412
00:18:58,755 --> 00:19:01,055
And why was there a baby at your house?
413
00:19:01,091 --> 00:19:04,058
Uh, that was little Randy. Yeah, uh.
414
00:19:04,094 --> 00:19:07,028
I'm doing a... an avant-garde
baby calendar shoot at my house.
415
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:09,397
It... it was supposed to
be a surprise, but whatever.
416
00:19:10,934 --> 00:19:13,701
Still, thank you for
being so caring and sweet
417
00:19:13,737 --> 00:19:15,069
as you always are.
418
00:19:15,105 --> 00:19:17,739
I wish I could say the
same thing for you, Chet.
419
00:19:17,774 --> 00:19:19,240
- Huh?
- By the way.
420
00:19:19,276 --> 00:19:22,877
I'm so glad you splurged
on this fancy baby monitor
421
00:19:22,913 --> 00:19:26,311
- that records.
- You stupid baby!
422
00:19:26,346 --> 00:19:27,015
Uh...
423
00:19:27,050 --> 00:19:29,150
Oh, my God! Chet?
424
00:19:29,185 --> 00:19:30,752
That's out of context.
425
00:19:30,787 --> 00:19:32,053
Just get out of here!
426
00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:33,254
You disgust me!
427
00:19:33,290 --> 00:19:36,824
Oh, I'm sorry Linda.
428
00:19:36,860 --> 00:19:38,059
You should go too, Jeff.
429
00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:39,619
- I just...
- Wait.
430
00:19:39,654 --> 00:19:41,354
I just want to say something.
431
00:19:41,389 --> 00:19:43,790
I'm a stupid, stupid idiot.
432
00:19:43,825 --> 00:19:46,626
I had you, the most
wonderful woman in the world,
433
00:19:46,661 --> 00:19:48,628
and I threw it all away
trying to impress you
434
00:19:48,663 --> 00:19:51,264
with heated floors and Danish furniture
435
00:19:51,299 --> 00:19:53,466
and an endangered species of iguana
436
00:19:53,501 --> 00:19:55,969
who also happens to be my best
friend and I miss him very much.
437
00:19:56,004 --> 00:19:57,470
God, I miss him so much.
438
00:19:57,505 --> 00:19:58,771
- Aw.
- And yes,
439
00:19:58,807 --> 00:20:01,541
I was battling a freaky old-man disease,
440
00:20:01,576 --> 00:20:04,644
which was cured, but
still, that's no excuse
441
00:20:04,679 --> 00:20:07,780
for making the biggest mistake of my life:
442
00:20:07,816 --> 00:20:09,582
losing you.
443
00:20:09,617 --> 00:20:12,452
Look, Jeff, I just need some time.
444
00:20:12,487 --> 00:20:14,487
But you haven't lost me.
445
00:20:14,522 --> 00:20:16,422
We can still be friends.
446
00:20:16,458 --> 00:20:17,757
Okay.
447
00:20:17,792 --> 00:20:19,092
Like,
448
00:20:19,127 --> 00:20:21,227
shower sex friends?
449
00:20:26,701 --> 00:20:28,468
Well.
450
00:20:28,503 --> 00:20:29,836
Lesson learned.
451
00:20:29,871 --> 00:20:32,672
I'm definitely never gonna
trade my life energy in
452
00:20:32,707 --> 00:20:35,508
for anything ever again.
453
00:20:35,543 --> 00:20:37,977
Oh, time for work.
454
00:20:38,013 --> 00:20:40,380
I'll see you guys in 12 hours.
455
00:20:55,174 --> 00:21:00,174
Sync and corrections by explosiveskull
www.addic7ed.com
456
00:21:00,209 --> 00:21:00,937
Cut.
29668
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