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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,123 --> 00:00:10,458 What the... 2 00:00:10,622 --> 00:00:12,290 - Guys! - Huh? 3 00:00:12,396 --> 00:00:13,998 Everything okay, buddy? 4 00:00:14,033 --> 00:00:17,661 Did one of you happen to use my towel again? 5 00:00:17,696 --> 00:00:19,333 Oh, come on! 6 00:00:19,404 --> 00:00:21,333 Why do you always have to blame us? 7 00:00:21,391 --> 00:00:23,861 Uh, maybe it's because you're the ones 8 00:00:23,896 --> 00:00:27,299 with the oozing purple back sores! 9 00:00:27,397 --> 00:00:28,806 Well, that's... Good point. 10 00:00:28,869 --> 00:00:30,607 You need to respect my things, okay? 11 00:00:30,642 --> 00:00:31,802 I mean, how would you like it 12 00:00:31,884 --> 00:00:34,141 if I just messed with your stuff all the time? 13 00:00:34,176 --> 00:00:35,509 Huh? What's this here, huh? 14 00:00:35,544 --> 00:00:36,748 - I think I'll mess with it. - No, no, Jeff! 15 00:00:36,783 --> 00:00:39,286 Oh, doesn't feel so nice, does it? 16 00:00:43,105 --> 00:00:45,975 Universal peace is possible. 17 00:00:46,020 --> 00:00:49,591 And the plans for it are all right here. 18 00:01:00,908 --> 00:01:02,910 Earth will pay! 19 00:01:05,205 --> 00:01:06,497 Whew, we got lucky. 20 00:01:06,558 --> 00:01:09,483 That coulda hit my neighbor's car or something, and that... 21 00:01:09,535 --> 00:01:10,583 - There he is. - Huh? 22 00:01:10,618 --> 00:01:12,419 The monster who murdered Zargon. 23 00:01:12,519 --> 00:01:15,060 - What's that? - This is an act of war. 24 00:01:15,115 --> 00:01:16,883 Now you and all your human brothers 25 00:01:16,980 --> 00:01:19,383 will boil in a pool of liquefied flesh. 26 00:01:19,418 --> 00:01:23,065 Whoa, what? Hey, that's crazy, all right? 27 00:01:23,100 --> 00:01:25,535 I would never murder anyone, okay? 28 00:01:25,583 --> 00:01:26,818 I'm a peaceful guy. 29 00:01:26,885 --> 00:01:28,810 I was a vegetarian for two weeks. 30 00:01:28,845 --> 00:01:30,368 He didn't mean it. What if he just said 31 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:33,646 he was really, really, really, really, really, really sorry. 32 00:01:33,816 --> 00:01:37,854 Hmm. I suppose a good, heartfelt apology could... 33 00:01:37,953 --> 00:01:39,145 Oh, oh, I got it! 34 00:01:39,215 --> 00:01:40,891 What if he killed one of his fellow humans 35 00:01:40,991 --> 00:01:42,095 as an act of goodwill? 36 00:01:42,173 --> 00:01:43,126 What? No, no, no, no. 37 00:01:43,227 --> 00:01:44,427 That doesn't makes sense. Shut up. 38 00:01:44,527 --> 00:01:47,030 That makes perfect sense. Let's do that. 39 00:01:47,130 --> 00:01:49,031 You seemed pretty into that apology thing, 40 00:01:49,131 --> 00:01:51,634 which could also be really cool. 41 00:01:51,733 --> 00:01:53,236 No, this is much better. 42 00:01:53,336 --> 00:01:55,773 You have one week to honor us with a precious human life... 43 00:01:55,873 --> 00:01:57,974 - Wait! - And thus save your people. 44 00:01:58,074 --> 00:02:01,378 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, please. 45 00:02:01,477 --> 00:02:03,412 Ew. 46 00:02:03,512 --> 00:02:06,116 Oops. That one was me. 47 00:02:06,215 --> 00:02:08,851 ♪ Three aliens came from the sky ♪ 48 00:02:08,951 --> 00:02:10,286 ♪ The Galactic Council sent them ♪ 49 00:02:10,386 --> 00:02:11,921 ♪ And here's the reason why ♪ 50 00:02:12,022 --> 00:02:13,388 ♪ Their mission is to study ♪ 51 00:02:13,489 --> 00:02:16,492 ♪ Earth's most average guy ♪ 52 00:02:16,593 --> 00:02:18,028 ♪ To see if humans are worth saving ♪ 53 00:02:18,128 --> 00:02:21,084 ♪ Or if everyone has to die ♪ 54 00:02:21,263 --> 00:02:23,100 Wait... What? 55 00:02:23,215 --> 00:02:25,647 Sync and corrections by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com 56 00:02:25,682 --> 00:02:28,485 Okay, Jeff, so with an Azurian honor killing, 57 00:02:28,585 --> 00:02:30,219 it's very important that you follow 58 00:02:30,319 --> 00:02:32,822 - all the ancient traditions. - This is insane. 59 00:02:32,922 --> 00:02:35,192 First, you're going to want to purify them 60 00:02:35,291 --> 00:02:36,826 with the Great Blessing, 61 00:02:36,927 --> 00:02:39,442 peppering a small amount of saliva 62 00:02:39,512 --> 00:02:43,065 from your mouth to their face three times. 63 00:02:43,165 --> 00:02:44,734 You want me to spit on them? 64 00:02:44,833 --> 00:02:47,524 Every species has their own name for the Great Blessing. 65 00:02:47,586 --> 00:02:49,115 That's what's so cool about it. 66 00:02:49,189 --> 00:02:51,738 Next, you will give them the Great Gift, 67 00:02:51,801 --> 00:02:55,160 bestowing upon them your sacramental hairs. 68 00:02:55,222 --> 00:02:57,764 Those that have never been tainted by light. 69 00:02:57,863 --> 00:03:00,766 So I'm gonna sprinkle my pubes on them too? 70 00:03:00,868 --> 00:03:02,969 That's real classy, guys. Yeah. 71 00:03:03,068 --> 00:03:05,204 They'll grow into the sacred cloaks 72 00:03:05,304 --> 00:03:06,951 they wear in the afterlife. 73 00:03:07,037 --> 00:03:09,508 Oh, cool. Thanks for clarifying. 74 00:03:09,609 --> 00:03:12,478 And you'll finish by saying the holy words. 75 00:03:12,578 --> 00:03:15,314 "Gorumba, gorumba, gorong." 76 00:03:15,415 --> 00:03:17,449 Look, I don't want to say those words, okay? 77 00:03:17,549 --> 00:03:18,903 I-I don't want to do this. 78 00:03:18,965 --> 00:03:20,320 Who the hell would I even kill? 79 00:03:20,419 --> 00:03:21,421 Jeff! 80 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:23,823 Why are you always shouting? 81 00:03:24,858 --> 00:03:26,692 Hi, Evgeny, I'm sorry... 82 00:03:26,792 --> 00:03:30,663 You are loudest tenant I ever had. 83 00:03:30,698 --> 00:03:32,428 Why you cannot be quiet like me? 84 00:03:32,507 --> 00:03:34,412 I never even talk to nobody. 85 00:03:34,474 --> 00:03:39,205 I have no friends. I have no family, no children. 86 00:03:39,305 --> 00:03:41,393 I could literally disappear tomorrow...- 87 00:03:41,463 --> 00:03:42,445 nobody would notice. 88 00:03:42,508 --> 00:03:44,238 You know why? 89 00:03:44,302 --> 00:03:46,196 Because I'm considerate. 90 00:03:53,022 --> 00:03:55,973 Wha... hey, hey, hey! I was just about to park there. 91 00:03:56,039 --> 00:03:57,653 What are you gonna do? Move my car? 92 00:03:57,755 --> 00:03:59,245 You don't look strong enough to move my car. 93 00:03:59,339 --> 00:04:01,410 You're gonna do nothin'. I can take one sniff at you 94 00:04:01,510 --> 00:04:03,011 and know that you ain't gonna do nothin'. 95 00:04:03,111 --> 00:04:04,446 You couldn't do nothin'... 96 00:04:06,082 --> 00:04:07,618 Ah! 97 00:04:07,717 --> 00:04:08,592 Hi, Dad. 98 00:04:08,632 --> 00:04:10,831 Honey, on a scale from one to ten, 99 00:04:10,894 --> 00:04:13,188 - how much do you like jazz? - Uh... 100 00:04:13,289 --> 00:04:14,834 Because I just scored us some tickets 101 00:04:14,912 --> 00:04:17,360 to the Smokin' Tony Wilburs Jazz Festival. 102 00:04:17,460 --> 00:04:20,030 Huh? Can you dig it, daddy-o? 103 00:04:20,192 --> 00:04:23,471 Or should I say sonny-o? 104 00:04:23,557 --> 00:04:25,958 Yeah, that's funny, Dad. Maybe some other time. 105 00:04:25,997 --> 00:04:29,053 I'm just... I'm under a lot of pressure right now. 106 00:04:29,171 --> 00:04:31,040 Ah. Work, huh? 107 00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:32,973 Yeah, work. 108 00:04:33,051 --> 00:04:36,279 It's been really demanding lately. 109 00:04:36,378 --> 00:04:41,251 48, 49, 50. 110 00:04:41,351 --> 00:04:42,686 - Yeah! - Jeff! 111 00:04:42,785 --> 00:04:45,454 Dave just smashed your record at "Eskimo Nuts." 112 00:04:45,554 --> 00:04:47,790 Jeff, I couldn't have done it without you as an example. 113 00:04:47,890 --> 00:04:50,544 Guys, please, we've gone over this, all right? 114 00:04:50,630 --> 00:04:52,599 It's called "Inuit Nuts." 115 00:04:52,678 --> 00:04:55,584 - Oh, yeah. - Hey, Jeff! Get in here. 116 00:04:55,639 --> 00:04:59,102 Ah, dude, ask him if we can all get raises. 117 00:05:00,537 --> 00:05:01,938 What's up, Nick? 118 00:05:02,039 --> 00:05:04,640 Last night, I had a dream 119 00:05:04,741 --> 00:05:06,909 that you were an exotic French dancer, 120 00:05:07,010 --> 00:05:09,296 and you stole all my money. 121 00:05:09,379 --> 00:05:10,947 Wow. I thought this was gonna be 122 00:05:11,046 --> 00:05:12,916 about the mop I broke last week... 123 00:05:13,016 --> 00:05:15,718 I think it's 'cause you're such an incompetent manager, 124 00:05:15,819 --> 00:05:17,821 that I'm always worrying about you, 125 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:21,223 and you're burrowed deep into my subconscious. 126 00:05:21,324 --> 00:05:23,827 Uh, psychology is a pretty complicated... 127 00:05:23,927 --> 00:05:25,295 - Step it up, Jeff! - Ah! 128 00:05:25,394 --> 00:05:28,773 You want me to lose my mind worrying about this business? 129 00:05:28,808 --> 00:05:32,569 I need to see that killer spirit in you. 130 00:05:32,668 --> 00:05:35,570 A good manager is willing to get blood on his hands 131 00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:37,574 and murder the problems before him. 132 00:05:37,673 --> 00:05:39,508 Just do it, Jeff! 133 00:05:39,608 --> 00:05:41,745 Do it for the good of everyone! 134 00:05:41,844 --> 00:05:43,412 - Oh! - Hey, sorry, sir, 135 00:05:43,452 --> 00:05:45,216 can I clock out early today? 136 00:05:45,251 --> 00:05:48,393 I need to go see my grandma. She's really sick. 137 00:05:48,468 --> 00:05:50,904 She's basically a vegetable living in pain, 138 00:05:51,005 --> 00:05:53,505 but we're not legally allowed to pull the plug. 139 00:05:53,605 --> 00:05:55,675 It's heartbreaking. 140 00:05:55,774 --> 00:05:57,342 That's fine. 141 00:05:57,442 --> 00:05:58,844 Give me back my scissors. 142 00:05:58,944 --> 00:06:01,081 Goddamn scissor thieves everywhere. 143 00:06:02,682 --> 00:06:04,818 Hey, hey, hey, hey, oh. 144 00:06:04,918 --> 00:06:08,021 I am so sorry to hear about your grandma, dude. 145 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:11,156 So, uh, where is she? 146 00:06:11,257 --> 00:06:12,860 Like at a nursing home? 147 00:06:12,959 --> 00:06:14,794 Like Hancock Gardens? 148 00:06:14,894 --> 00:06:17,229 Uh, I think it's called Glen Oaks. 149 00:06:17,329 --> 00:06:21,033 Glen Oaks! Yeah, I-I know where that is. 150 00:06:21,134 --> 00:06:24,004 Cool, cool, yeah. It's a great place. 151 00:06:28,407 --> 00:06:29,943 Ah... 152 00:06:30,042 --> 00:06:32,278 We love you so much, Grandma. 153 00:06:46,691 --> 00:06:48,862 Just know that I do this 154 00:06:48,962 --> 00:06:52,231 with the deepest respect. 155 00:06:55,402 --> 00:06:57,337 Ohh... 156 00:07:01,174 --> 00:07:05,245 Gorumba, gorumba, gorong. 157 00:07:06,980 --> 00:07:09,349 I'm sorry. Oh, God. 158 00:07:09,448 --> 00:07:12,752 Forgive me. 159 00:07:21,562 --> 00:07:24,100 Oh! Uh. 160 00:07:24,135 --> 00:07:25,470 And tomorrow through Friday, 161 00:07:25,543 --> 00:07:27,918 we're looking at perfect, sunny skies. 162 00:07:27,963 --> 00:07:29,233 I tell you, it's weeks like this 163 00:07:29,268 --> 00:07:31,861 you realize what a precious gift life is, Jim. 164 00:07:31,896 --> 00:07:33,832 # Just keep dancing # 165 00:07:33,932 --> 00:07:36,467 ♪ 'Cause you can't dance when you're dead ♪ 166 00:07:36,568 --> 00:07:38,504 ♪ Yo, respect life, that's my motto ♪ 167 00:07:38,604 --> 00:07:40,606 ♪ Respect your elders too, yo, respect them a lot-o ♪ 168 00:07:40,705 --> 00:07:41,708 Ah! 169 00:07:53,828 --> 00:07:55,595 It's over. 170 00:07:55,696 --> 00:07:57,695 What the hell is this? 171 00:07:57,730 --> 00:08:01,123 It's my Azurian sacrifice. What do you mean? 172 00:08:01,185 --> 00:08:02,854 Come on, Jeff. 173 00:08:02,901 --> 00:08:04,771 This is a decrepit old woman. 174 00:08:04,872 --> 00:08:06,557 Zargon was in the prime of his life. 175 00:08:06,635 --> 00:08:08,039 He still had a full head of hair! 176 00:08:08,101 --> 00:08:09,515 We can't show them this. 177 00:08:09,609 --> 00:08:11,278 It would be incredibly insulting. 178 00:08:11,378 --> 00:08:13,580 - Insulting? - We all make goofs, buddy. 179 00:08:13,681 --> 00:08:15,149 - This morning... - What did I do? 180 00:08:15,249 --> 00:08:17,918 I put my underwear on backwards... it was so silly. 181 00:08:18,019 --> 00:08:20,855 At least your suffering is finally over. Ah! 182 00:08:20,955 --> 00:08:23,803 Jeff, this is incredibly insulting. 183 00:08:23,874 --> 00:08:26,288 What's happening? Is this hell? 184 00:08:26,342 --> 00:08:27,428 What's she doing there? 185 00:08:27,528 --> 00:08:29,580 You sent her soul to the slave camps of Azuria 186 00:08:29,658 --> 00:08:31,180 when you said the sacred words. 187 00:08:31,215 --> 00:08:32,435 I thought it was obvious. 188 00:08:32,529 --> 00:08:35,524 - Slave camps? - Why is this thing so itchy? 189 00:08:35,559 --> 00:08:39,752 This sickly old woman offering has enraged our people. 190 00:08:39,822 --> 00:08:41,653 Now they're clamoring for war. 191 00:08:41,707 --> 00:08:43,536 No, no, no. Please, please take me. 192 00:08:43,606 --> 00:08:46,677 I'll be a slave, okay? No war. There's no need for war. 193 00:08:46,778 --> 00:08:48,633 Jeff, no disrespect, 194 00:08:48,668 --> 00:08:51,841 but Zargon was strong and virile. 195 00:08:51,876 --> 00:08:55,336 You're fat, riddled with precancerous melanomas, 196 00:08:55,404 --> 00:08:56,973 - and greasy skin. - What? 197 00:08:57,073 --> 00:08:58,543 Where are the melanomas? 198 00:08:58,643 --> 00:09:00,972 If you want to avoid the slaughter of your people, 199 00:09:01,043 --> 00:09:04,929 you will offer us a healthy middle-aged specimen. 200 00:09:04,991 --> 00:09:06,984 Have a good day, son. 201 00:09:07,083 --> 00:09:09,624 Uh... 202 00:09:09,710 --> 00:09:11,355 did we say anything about dragging the body 203 00:09:11,455 --> 00:09:12,855 back to the house? We didn't, right? 204 00:09:12,956 --> 00:09:13,957 - Mm-mm. - Mm-mm. 205 00:09:14,057 --> 00:09:16,827 You got quite the imagination, buddy. 206 00:09:26,836 --> 00:09:28,806 No! 207 00:09:38,165 --> 00:09:39,800 ♪ Well there ain't nothing sweeter ♪ 208 00:09:39,900 --> 00:09:41,735 ♪ Than a grandma ♪ 209 00:09:41,834 --> 00:09:44,405 ♪ Sitting on a porch drinkin' sweet peach tea ♪ 210 00:09:44,505 --> 00:09:45,506 No! 211 00:09:47,675 --> 00:09:50,242 For now, all we know is that she's missing. 212 00:09:50,343 --> 00:09:51,411 Aw, man. 213 00:09:51,511 --> 00:09:53,280 But they're going to catch this idiot. 214 00:09:53,380 --> 00:09:56,183 He left all kinds of spit and pubes at the crime scene. 215 00:09:56,282 --> 00:09:57,951 - Ugh. - This guy must be real sick 216 00:09:58,051 --> 00:09:59,853 - in the head. - How do you know it was a he? 217 00:09:59,954 --> 00:10:03,491 Huh? God, I am so sick of sexism. 218 00:10:03,590 --> 00:10:05,592 I'm so sorry, dude. I gotta watch myself. 219 00:10:08,661 --> 00:10:11,230 If you want to avoid the slaughter of your people, 220 00:10:11,330 --> 00:10:15,201 you will offer us a healthy middle-aged specimen. 221 00:10:15,301 --> 00:10:17,003 I'm... so... healthy. 222 00:10:17,103 --> 00:10:18,705 Can you believe I'm middle-aged? 223 00:10:18,805 --> 00:10:20,873 I can't. Whoo! 224 00:10:27,079 --> 00:10:28,781 You can do this. 225 00:10:28,881 --> 00:10:30,916 You have to do this. 226 00:10:31,016 --> 00:10:33,653 The world depends on you. 227 00:10:40,460 --> 00:10:41,995 Huh? Ahh! 228 00:10:42,096 --> 00:10:44,765 Oh, another leech who thinks he can mooch 229 00:10:44,864 --> 00:10:46,933 off the productivity of others. 230 00:10:47,034 --> 00:10:48,468 - Not today! - Oh, God! 231 00:10:48,569 --> 00:10:51,438 I've been training for this moment for the past ten years. 232 00:10:51,537 --> 00:10:53,272 Jiu jitsu! 233 00:10:53,372 --> 00:10:55,275 Muay Thai! 234 00:10:55,375 --> 00:10:56,843 Capoeria! 235 00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,082 No! 236 00:11:02,181 --> 00:11:03,983 Ohhhhhhh! 237 00:11:04,083 --> 00:11:05,252 Ooh! 238 00:11:05,352 --> 00:11:07,121 Oh! 239 00:11:09,223 --> 00:11:12,193 Oh, man, I'm sorry. 240 00:11:12,293 --> 00:11:14,561 This is so [bleep] up. 241 00:11:21,502 --> 00:11:22,870 All right! 242 00:11:22,969 --> 00:11:24,604 - You did it, buddy. - You nailed it. 243 00:11:24,704 --> 00:11:26,639 - No, no. Stop it! Shut up! - Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! 244 00:11:26,739 --> 00:11:27,873 Turn it off! 245 00:11:27,973 --> 00:11:29,910 Bravo, Jeff. 246 00:11:30,010 --> 00:11:32,313 This slave is both healthy and strong. 247 00:11:32,412 --> 00:11:33,979 I think it's safe to say 248 00:11:34,079 --> 00:11:38,218 this has been a huge win for everyone. 249 00:11:38,318 --> 00:11:40,687 Oh, it's over. 250 00:11:40,787 --> 00:11:42,055 It's over. 251 00:11:44,558 --> 00:11:46,427 You can chain my body, 252 00:11:46,526 --> 00:11:49,396 but you can't chain my soul. 253 00:11:49,496 --> 00:11:52,466 Uh, that's actually exactly what we did. 254 00:11:56,335 --> 00:11:57,403 Stop him! 255 00:11:59,339 --> 00:12:01,307 Oh, my God, he's kicking our asses. 256 00:12:01,407 --> 00:12:03,843 Yeah, it looks like he's getting a great workout too. 257 00:12:07,914 --> 00:12:09,516 Father! 258 00:12:09,616 --> 00:12:11,585 You were always a good boy. 259 00:12:11,684 --> 00:12:12,785 No. 260 00:12:12,886 --> 00:12:15,421 I want you to take good care of your mother. 261 00:12:15,521 --> 00:12:18,425 - No! - I... love... 262 00:12:18,526 --> 00:12:21,160 No! Father! 263 00:12:30,503 --> 00:12:31,771 - Wha... - Jeff! 264 00:12:31,872 --> 00:12:35,508 You sent a trained assassin up here to kill my father? 265 00:12:35,608 --> 00:12:37,343 - Well, the deal's off. - No, wait. 266 00:12:37,444 --> 00:12:39,212 That's not an assassin, man. 267 00:12:39,311 --> 00:12:41,481 That's my boss, he just works out a lot. 268 00:12:41,582 --> 00:12:43,216 It's true. What if Jeff could prove it? 269 00:12:43,315 --> 00:12:44,550 I mean, he could show his pay stubs. 270 00:12:44,651 --> 00:12:45,584 And you could see that the name of if the boss and Jeff... 271 00:12:45,684 --> 00:12:46,654 Yes, yes, I can totally do that. 272 00:12:46,753 --> 00:12:47,787 I'm not sure where they are, but I... 273 00:12:47,887 --> 00:12:49,388 Or... or... or... or he could kill his father, 274 00:12:49,488 --> 00:12:51,658 - thus restoring the balance. - No! 275 00:12:51,758 --> 00:12:53,159 That's good. We'll do that. 276 00:12:53,260 --> 00:12:56,230 You too will experience the deep suffering 277 00:12:56,329 --> 00:12:58,232 that I'm going through now. 278 00:12:58,332 --> 00:13:01,902 No, goddamn it, Sammy! 279 00:13:02,002 --> 00:13:04,838 I think you're just mad 'cause he keeps liking my ideas better. 280 00:13:07,074 --> 00:13:08,641 Hot socks! 281 00:13:08,742 --> 00:13:10,276 Can that cat blow or what? 282 00:13:10,377 --> 00:13:13,747 I mean, this is once in a lifetime stuff. 283 00:13:13,847 --> 00:13:17,518 Yeah. He seems really good at jazz. 284 00:13:17,617 --> 00:13:19,084 I still can't believe that your boss 285 00:13:19,185 --> 00:13:22,521 gave you the whole week off. This is fantastic. 286 00:13:22,622 --> 00:13:27,026 Yeah. Uh, so, Dad, tell me. 287 00:13:27,127 --> 00:13:30,063 Do you have any, like, secret family stories 288 00:13:30,162 --> 00:13:31,997 - or old recipes or like... - What? 289 00:13:32,098 --> 00:13:33,300 What kinds of things do you think 290 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,135 would be on your bucket list? 291 00:13:35,236 --> 00:13:38,405 Bucket list? Are you kidding, I'm only 63. 292 00:13:38,505 --> 00:13:40,841 I've never felt better in my life. 293 00:13:40,940 --> 00:13:42,875 But I mean, yeah, sure. 294 00:13:42,976 --> 00:13:45,745 There's a couple of things I've always wanted to do. 295 00:13:45,844 --> 00:13:48,214 ♪ Morning has broken ♪ 296 00:13:48,314 --> 00:13:50,516 - Whoa! - Ya-ha! 297 00:13:51,885 --> 00:13:53,854 Hey, Dad, check it out! 298 00:13:53,954 --> 00:13:57,857 - _ - Oh, Jeff. Oh, it's beautiful! 299 00:13:57,958 --> 00:14:00,493 Ole, Daddy, ole! 300 00:14:00,593 --> 00:14:02,161 Oh! Oh! 301 00:14:02,261 --> 00:14:04,130 Hey, hey! 302 00:14:04,231 --> 00:14:06,900 ♪ Praise for the singing ♪ 303 00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:07,934 - _ - I love you, Dad. 304 00:14:08,035 --> 00:14:12,271 ♪ Praise for the morning ♪ 305 00:14:12,372 --> 00:14:14,540 ♪ Praise for the springing ♪ 306 00:14:14,641 --> 00:14:16,776 Well, it's been a little pricey, 307 00:14:16,877 --> 00:14:21,841 but this has been the best week of my life. 308 00:14:21,941 --> 00:14:24,777 You have one week to honor us with a precious human life, 309 00:14:24,876 --> 00:14:26,644 or you and all your human brothers 310 00:14:26,745 --> 00:14:29,447 will boil in a pool of liquefied flesh. 311 00:14:31,917 --> 00:14:33,752 What are you thinking about, honey? 312 00:14:33,851 --> 00:14:36,687 Just, uh, how much I love you. 313 00:14:36,991 --> 00:14:37,992 Aw. 314 00:14:39,985 --> 00:14:42,419 Oh, wow. 315 00:14:42,519 --> 00:14:44,187 Ooh, look, a falcon! 316 00:14:44,288 --> 00:14:46,892 I think it's a female. 317 00:14:48,826 --> 00:14:52,163 Oh, yeah, how can you tell, Dad? 318 00:14:52,263 --> 00:14:53,531 From the plumage. 319 00:14:53,630 --> 00:14:56,934 Can you see the little yellow feathers on her breast? 320 00:15:01,138 --> 00:15:02,340 No, I can't! 321 00:15:02,439 --> 00:15:05,442 Whoa, whoa, honey, there's no need to get upset. 322 00:15:05,543 --> 00:15:08,078 It's a lot easier with the binoculars. 323 00:15:08,178 --> 00:15:10,514 I just... I love you so much. 324 00:15:10,615 --> 00:15:13,150 I know you do, you keep saying that. 325 00:15:13,250 --> 00:15:14,651 You know, honey, before this week, 326 00:15:14,751 --> 00:15:17,587 I was lucky to get a phone call from you once a month, 327 00:15:17,688 --> 00:15:19,889 asking for my password to Hulu. 328 00:15:19,990 --> 00:15:22,092 But now, look at us. 329 00:15:22,192 --> 00:15:24,028 I mean, I don't know whether you're doing yoga 330 00:15:24,128 --> 00:15:28,266 or some kind of self-help, but, honey, it's working. 331 00:15:28,365 --> 00:15:31,235 Because you've become the sweetest, gentlest... 332 00:15:31,336 --> 00:15:32,671 - Hands in the air, Mahoney! - Whoa! 333 00:15:32,770 --> 00:15:34,705 - What? - Is this about my taxes? 334 00:15:34,806 --> 00:15:37,075 I claimed my living room as a home office. 335 00:15:37,174 --> 00:15:40,410 I took a gamble. I rolled the dice. 336 00:15:40,510 --> 00:15:42,746 You're under arrest for double homicide. 337 00:15:42,846 --> 00:15:44,347 What? 338 00:15:46,283 --> 00:15:48,787 You need to get me out of here or we're all gonna die. 339 00:15:48,886 --> 00:15:52,422 You people just don't get it. I need to talk to the aliens. 340 00:15:52,523 --> 00:15:55,125 I always get the goddamned meth heads, don't I? 341 00:15:55,226 --> 00:15:57,227 I've got it! I've got it! 342 00:15:57,327 --> 00:15:59,697 Larry, I need you to do me a huge favor. 343 00:15:59,798 --> 00:16:01,432 I need you to kill me. 344 00:16:01,532 --> 00:16:03,434 I've been in here 14 years, 345 00:16:03,533 --> 00:16:05,836 and you're the craziest son of a bitch I ever met. 346 00:16:05,937 --> 00:16:07,706 Here, you can choke me with these, okay? 347 00:16:07,806 --> 00:16:09,941 Oh, yeah, and I need you to spit on me three times, 348 00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:11,474 then sprinkle some pubes on my face, 349 00:16:11,576 --> 00:16:13,577 and say, "Gorumba, gorumba, gorong," got it? 350 00:16:13,678 --> 00:16:16,548 You stay the [bleep] away from me. 351 00:16:19,817 --> 00:16:21,785 - Hey! What the... - That's right. 352 00:16:21,885 --> 00:16:23,687 You gonna do something about it? 353 00:16:23,788 --> 00:16:26,691 Or are you just gonna stand there like a little bitch? 354 00:16:26,790 --> 00:16:28,858 Oh! 355 00:16:28,958 --> 00:16:30,727 I was new here once too. 356 00:16:30,828 --> 00:16:33,831 I see what you're doing. Respect. 357 00:16:33,932 --> 00:16:35,567 Oh! 358 00:16:35,667 --> 00:16:36,901 I don't need your respect. 359 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:38,969 I already got your mom's respect 360 00:16:39,070 --> 00:16:40,937 when I was balls deep in her ass. 361 00:16:41,037 --> 00:16:43,040 - Oh! - You crossed a line, puto. 362 00:16:45,110 --> 00:16:46,444 Thank you. 363 00:16:48,178 --> 00:16:49,412 Huh? 364 00:16:51,014 --> 00:16:55,085 Gorumba, gorumba, gorong. 365 00:17:00,725 --> 00:17:04,094 You green freaks are all gonna die! 366 00:17:05,463 --> 00:17:09,234 Does anybody have any idea what to do? 367 00:17:11,636 --> 00:17:15,570 - I do. - Jeff, you can stop him? 368 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:18,228 Sure, but here's how it's gonna go down. 369 00:17:18,321 --> 00:17:21,715 First, we call off this whole "blow up the earth" thing. 370 00:17:21,786 --> 00:17:24,934 Second, you send all the slaves back home. 371 00:17:25,012 --> 00:17:29,742 And third, you give me a shirt that's not made out of pubes. 372 00:17:29,820 --> 00:17:32,256 Hey, that sounds reasonable. 373 00:17:36,293 --> 00:17:38,802 - Hey, hey, buddy. - What the... 374 00:17:38,896 --> 00:17:42,299 Welcome to another batshit crazy Jeff dream. 375 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:46,804 Of course. A dream. 376 00:17:46,903 --> 00:17:49,239 You know dreams are all about symbols, right? 377 00:17:49,339 --> 00:17:50,774 Okay. 378 00:17:50,874 --> 00:17:52,057 And this mech is a symbol 379 00:17:52,159 --> 00:17:54,416 for that tough guy attitude of yours. 380 00:17:54,525 --> 00:17:57,981 The real Nick is a fragile little boy, 381 00:17:58,082 --> 00:18:00,316 and he needs to be loved. 382 00:18:00,416 --> 00:18:03,920 Oh, God, it's true. 383 00:18:04,020 --> 00:18:06,789 So what was the lobster dream about? 384 00:18:06,891 --> 00:18:08,860 Uh, same thing, basically. 385 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:11,629 Lobsters have shells, hard exteriors. 386 00:18:11,729 --> 00:18:14,097 Wow. Well, what about the one where you blew me 387 00:18:14,198 --> 00:18:15,533 in the hot tub in Aspen? 388 00:18:15,633 --> 00:18:18,402 Uh, look man, we don't need to get into every dream 389 00:18:18,501 --> 00:18:19,736 you've ever had here, all right? 390 00:18:19,836 --> 00:18:21,806 The point is, you should relax, 391 00:18:21,905 --> 00:18:24,475 and maybe give all your employees raises. 392 00:18:34,117 --> 00:18:37,787 Why am I so obsessed with Jeff? 393 00:18:37,887 --> 00:18:40,256 But I'm scared. 394 00:18:40,356 --> 00:18:41,758 Oh, it's okay, buddy. 395 00:18:41,858 --> 00:18:43,927 It's just water. See? 396 00:18:44,028 --> 00:18:45,730 It's not gonna hurt ya. 397 00:18:45,829 --> 00:18:47,864 - Ahh! - Ahh! 398 00:18:47,964 --> 00:18:51,501 Gotta hand it to him, man, he was pretty tough. 399 00:18:51,602 --> 00:18:54,238 But nobody survives a shanking from Jose. 400 00:18:54,337 --> 00:18:56,941 Oh! 401 00:18:59,393 --> 00:19:01,961 I mean, how inept can the police be? 402 00:19:02,062 --> 00:19:03,965 Yeah. Pretty hard to be a murderer 403 00:19:04,065 --> 00:19:06,299 if your victims are all alive and well. 404 00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:09,603 I'm telling you guys, the system is broken. 405 00:19:09,702 --> 00:19:10,770 - Jeez. - So, Dad, you down to hit 406 00:19:10,871 --> 00:19:12,306 Ragtime Fest next week? 407 00:19:12,405 --> 00:19:15,209 Does Scott Joplin use a 2/4 time signature? 408 00:19:15,308 --> 00:19:19,712 Well, you know, at the end of the day, 409 00:19:19,813 --> 00:19:22,850 this all worked out great for everyone. 410 00:19:22,950 --> 00:19:27,220 - So, where were you, Grandma? - I was in hell. 411 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:30,257 But instead of demons, there were aliens 412 00:19:30,357 --> 00:19:33,594 and they made me wear a horrible jacket made of pubic hair. 413 00:19:33,693 --> 00:19:35,462 Once they get to this level of dementia, 414 00:19:35,563 --> 00:19:37,665 there's really nothing we can do. 415 00:19:40,702 --> 00:19:43,571 48. Wow, man, 49. 416 00:19:43,672 --> 00:19:45,006 Hey, friends. 417 00:19:45,106 --> 00:19:47,776 You're all getting raises because I appreciate you. 418 00:19:47,876 --> 00:19:49,110 - Yeah! - Nice! 419 00:19:49,211 --> 00:19:51,078 Oh, and I'm not going to be here anymore 420 00:19:51,178 --> 00:19:52,746 on Tuesdays and Fridays 421 00:19:52,847 --> 00:19:55,450 because I'm starting intensive therapy. 422 00:19:55,549 --> 00:19:59,419 I-I believe something is terribly wrong with me. 423 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:02,890 Uh, okay, well, thanks for the raise, man. 424 00:20:02,991 --> 00:20:05,961 Jeff, did you do something different with your hair? 425 00:20:06,060 --> 00:20:07,795 - Uh... - I like it. 426 00:20:07,895 --> 00:20:10,132 Thank you. 427 00:20:10,231 --> 00:20:12,634 ♪ Water is so wet ♪ 428 00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:14,639 ♪ Water is so wet ♪ 429 00:20:14,717 --> 00:20:18,907 ♪ Have you ever seen a wetter thing than water? ♪ 430 00:20:20,441 --> 00:20:22,944 Huh. 431 00:20:23,045 --> 00:20:26,048 Hey, guys, I just wanted to say thanks so much 432 00:20:26,147 --> 00:20:29,717 for respecting the new towel rule, it means a lot. 433 00:20:29,818 --> 00:20:31,185 Jeff! 434 00:20:31,286 --> 00:20:32,988 What is my butt brush doing in your mouth? 435 00:20:33,087 --> 00:20:33,989 - Your what brush? - Grossy grossers! 436 00:20:34,088 --> 00:20:35,356 Ugh! God! 437 00:20:35,456 --> 00:20:37,291 That means I've been getting your filthy mouth germs 438 00:20:37,392 --> 00:20:38,326 - all over my butt. - Ugh. 439 00:20:38,426 --> 00:20:40,828 How long has this been going on? 440 00:20:40,928 --> 00:20:42,363 No! I'm the one that's upset. 441 00:20:42,463 --> 00:20:44,131 This is my toothbrush. 442 00:20:44,232 --> 00:20:47,234 No! This is your toothbrush, you [bleep] idiot. 443 00:20:47,335 --> 00:20:50,405 Right where you left it, in the toothbrush cup. 444 00:20:50,504 --> 00:20:52,373 Talk about disrespecting other people's stuff. 445 00:20:54,642 --> 00:20:57,112 Jeff! Shut your fat mouth! 446 00:20:57,333 --> 00:20:58,498 Sync and corrections by explosiveskull www.addic7ed.com 447 00:20:58,714 --> 00:21:00,025 Cut. 448 00:21:00,284 --> 00:21:02,111 Perfect sunny skies. 449 00:21:02,182 --> 00:21:03,315 I tell you, it's weeks like this 450 00:21:03,350 --> 00:21:06,017 you realize what a precious gift life is, Jim. 451 00:21:06,052 --> 00:21:07,866 - Ugh. - # Just keep dancing # 452 00:21:07,928 --> 00:21:09,213 ♪ 'Cause you can't dance ♪ 453 00:21:09,290 --> 00:21:10,563 - # When you're dead # - Ooh! 454 00:21:10,647 --> 00:21:12,523 ♪ Yo, respect life, that's my motto ♪ 455 00:21:12,624 --> 00:21:13,695 ♪ Respect your elders too, yo ♪ 456 00:21:13,754 --> 00:21:15,492 - # Respect them a lot-o # - Ugh. 31147

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