Original subtitles

Neil Armstrong for Houston.

I'm about to step off the lunar module.

That's one small step for man.

One giant leap for mankind.

Oh, the... History.

No, you made history.

I told you to wait up because my flip fell asleep.

Ah, this stinks.

I'm sorry, Buzz.

Houston was asking.

I just tell me you didn't say a little quote.

Please tell me that much, Neil.

Of course.

What was it, dare I ask?

A small step for man, giant leap for mankind.

I don't know.

Oh, man, that is so cool.

Oh!

We accomplished our mission together.

Who cares about this?

Ah, I'm a little boy on the moon.

Jumping and singing on the moon.

Oh, everything alright, crew?

Yeah, Houston, we're just experiencing some giddy excitement.

Oh, no, Houston correction.

That is me being the first person to both jump and sing on the moon.

Ah!

James, that match, Neil.

Boom!

First fist pump on the moon.

Ah!

Okay, Buzz.

Pardon me while I do our job.

Houston, the surface is fine and powdery.

I think that would be... Wait!

Wait!

Wait!

Wait!

Wait!

Wait!

Wait!

Wait!

Wait!

Wait!

You all thought you could do all the first without me?

Well, I'm stuck in the command module like a jump.

Uh-uh!

Oh, oh, look at this.

Oh, yummy!

First person to eat moon.

Oh!

Super tasty!

Guess I'll be on all the record books.

Sorry.

Michael, we needed you up in the command module.

I think pilots itself.

NASA.

First person to read on the moon.

First image, you look on the moon.

Two plus nine is 12.

First math on the moon.

It's 11, Buzz.

Can I have anything, Neil?

I'm not even trying to compete with Buzz.

First person to drink.

Oh, jinx, minx.

That's D-U-M.

Dumb first person to spell.

Dumb is spelled with a B, Buzz.

But dumb?

What?

Okay, none of this matters.

We did this together for our country.

You're right.

For our country.

First person to say, P, you stink, you do this.

Oh, man.

A Primero, a Blar, Español, on the Luna.

First person to not understand on the Luna.

First, raise the roof and go... on the moon.

First to be a second and raise the roof on the moon.

First day, give a shout out to my boys.

Yo, what up, Diego?

It's your boy on the moon.

What?

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

First injury on the moon.

It's hard.

No, it's near as we heard.

Thank you.

We got you.

We got you.

Sorry, guys.

I got carried away.

I feel like a total jerk.

First to feel like a total jerk on the moon.

Okay, Houston, we're gonna need a minute.

Take your time, over.

First, a radio into the moon.

You know it's time.

Many of you want to fight.

Some of you may even think that you fight is wise, but this is falling.

Give me Harry Potter.

And none shall be harmed.

You have won.

What's you waiting for?

Grab him.

That sound okay, Nagini.

Do you think Harry Potter was scared?

I hope he was scared.

Do you reckon he knows we can still hear him?

Come here, you cute little baby.

Give daddy a kiss.

Oh,

Nagini, you need to brush your teeth.

Voldemort, you never hung up.

What?

Who's there?

Oh, look, Lucy, Lucy, it's one second.

Oh, pardon me, my lord, I didn't realize you were in his best.

Are you wearing Daisy Dukes?

Get out!

Get out!

You weren't supposed to see me like this.

Oh, yes, of course.

Me and the boys are watching the real housewives of Diagon Alley.

Oh, okay, okay, just record it.

Lucius Malfoy, more like useless mouth.

Where am I riding?

My right hand students, we've heard enough.

Stop.

Stop tempting the Dino nuggets.

Well, you're gonna go straight to my thighs.

It's okay, Nagini.

That's what these muggles spanks are for.

Look, what they do for my cauldron cakes.

Now, that's real magic.

Ah, little secret, Nagini, the Dark Lord wears a girdle and spanks.

Oh, la, la.

Voldemort, buddy, you gotta hang up.

It's Harry Potter.

Harry Potter!

That's the name of the kid I hate.

Harry Harry Potter, Harry Harry Potter, coolest, smartest boy who lived.

I made that up right now, Nagini.

Maybe I pulled out my acoustic guitar and started doing some real magic.

This one goes out to the lovers.

Loving is for lovers.

I love loving.

I love my big old Nagini baby.

Voldemort, please, stop.

What's that, Nagini?

They know about the girl.

How?

I never hung up.

Students of Hogwarts.

Did you hear any of that?

Yes, crud.

What do I say?

Yes.

Oh, yes, that's good.

If you tell a single soul, all about a cadaver you and everyone you care about.

And we're all smooth recovery.

That is one of my main strengths, thinking on my toes, my other strength.

Being a bedwetting survivor, I've almost lived it.

We can still hear you.

No, I am pressing into call, Nagini.

It's not working.

Well, then, why don't you try, Mrs. Noah Pendunes?

Oh, sorry, Daddy, sorry, he yelled.

Okay, okay, this is the end.

For real, bring me Harry Potter and never speak about this to anyone.

Okay, love you.

Bye.

No, no, no, I didn't.

I don't love you.

I hate you.

Okay, that's it.

I'm breaking my wand.

Oh, baby, I hate you.

Oh, baby, I hate you.

Do you reckon you know if you still hear me?

Do you reckon you know if you still hear me?

Do you reckon you know if you still hear me?

Oh, baby, watch out for my hair.

Oh, you reckon you still did this.

When one of us is sick, it's bad enough.

But when we're both sick, we need something that works fast.

Between the kids and our jobs, there's just no

room in our busy schedule to be stuck in bed.

That's why we trust Mountain Tech's extra care to get me back on my feet.

It goes above.

It goes above and beyond, other.

I think I have it worse.

You did not have it worse.

We're equally sick.

Rich, you did not just pass out.

Oh, I'm awake.

It goes above.

It hurts to talk.

It goes above and beyond other cold medicines to

get your real cold and his man -cold under control.

Five more minutes.

Not good tax works fast, even with its temperature.

102.

But after just one dose.

It was my day.

I can't.

98.9.

Oh, I should probably call out from work again.

Sure, honey.

Oh, I wish I could have worked.

Because life doesn't stop when you get sick.

That's why I trust the Mountain Tech's brand to always have my back.

I can't hear you when you mumble.

Your head hurts.

Cause you eat a popsicle.

Rich, it's not even 8 a.m.

And now your tummy hurts?

And it's over the counter.

Which means you don't need a doctor's prescription to get... Just a second.

And it's over the counter.

Which means you don't need a doctor's prescription to...

What?

I can't reach my water.

I can't... Dink, you, baby.

So the next time you feel a cold coming on, reach for

Mountain Tech's extra care to get you back on your feet.

I thought you were sick.

I think watching make me feel better.

Next time you're not feeling well, ask your wife to pick up Mountain Tech's extra care.

And that concludes our time to your presentation.

Are we ready to buy?

Well, it's very convincing, but I think... Oh, hold that thought.

Because our money guy Manning is about to give you a number that'll blow your mind.

Okay, here comes the hard sell.

Remember, we are not buying a time share.

We say no, get the free gift, and go.

Okay.

Hello, members.

How's everybody doing tonight?

Yes.

Hi, five.

Hi, five.

Yes, okay.

I love it.

I am Manny from Manila.

You're funny.

This is funny.

We haven't said anything.

You're speaking with your energy, and I feel it, and I love it.

I must dance.

Yeah.

Oh, I am.

Thank you.

Marisa told me that you two are no nonsense persons.

You know what, guys, and I respect that.

So this is the lowest I can go, okay?

10% down.

That's a good deal.

I think that's a good deal.

Is it?

We don't know what its 10% of could be 10% of 2 billion.

Oh!

2 billion.

It's funny.

It's funny, guys.

You know what?

Because you're so funny, I want to reward you, okay?

So how about this one, guys?

You buy the time show right now, and I throw in 7,000 bonus points.

Marisa dance.

Oh, wow.

No!

I can't tell because Manny, you are not supposed to offer that many points.

Do not tell our balls.

The points.

They can't tell their balls.

You look a good deal.

Oh, no.

It's a tactic.

They pretend like they're breaking the rules to help us out.

Gary.

I have never pretended a day in my life.

Except when I pretended I hate dancing.

Marisa, one more time, please.

Yes!

Wow!

Yes!

Yeah, I just don't think we can swing it.

Gary, look.

If you don't tell my balls, I can offer you 5,000 bonus points.

Plus four equals 9,000 bonus points.

How about that one?

I know we said we weren't going to say yes, but maybe yes.

No, come on.

I mean, what even are these points he's talking about?

Yeah, that's the good kind of point.

You know?

You're not basketball.

Shoot!

Shaquil!

Switch!

Okay, but seriously, Gary, let's be seriously.

Don't basketball players deserve vacations.

Two, three, four.

Come on, Miss Gary, dance with me.

Wow!

Yeah!

She's flexible.

And skip.

She's a keeper.

Okay, Gary, look.

This is my best.

By noon.

Last opera.

Oh, okay.

And honestly, honestly.

It might just give me.

Oh, Manny!

Stop!

There's a sniper rifle aimed at my head.

The bosses know you're offering too much.

Okay, I see that you have a laser pointer.

Oh, you don't.

Marissa and I die.

Oh, but it is important for you to have good vacations.

Okay, so this is my final opera.

1% down.

500,000 bonus points, Marissa!

Oh, no!

She died!

She died!

Boy, you are benefits.

Oh, okay.

She clearly pretended to die.

I can hear her breathing.

And I'm pretty sure you're not even from Manila.

You're right.

I'm from Denver, Colorado.

Okay, let's go.

Gary, come on, man.

You used to be so funny.

You're not even making me laugh anymore.

I don't even feel like dancing.

Manny, wait.

Yes.

I want to prioritize vacations.

I want memories that last a lifetime.

I want points.

You have made Marissa alive again.

Come on, Gary.

That's all it's possible with a timeshare.

Okay.

Whoa.

Let me be ready.

Whoa.

Hello for Jacob.

That's us.

We're on our big European vacation.

And this one decides to catch a nasty cold.

Oh, normally we prefer not to be sick on holiday, yeah?

Exactly.

Yes, and you are Jacob's wife.

What?

I'm his mother.

Mother, huh?

He is very small for an American.

Jacob's very young.

Oh, yes, silly me.

He is clearly a teenager.

He's a baby.

Oh, I'm a baby.

Oh, sorry, silly me.

Oh, many of my country do not handle babies.

Okay, but you are a pediatrician.

Oh, a male pediatrician.

Oh, that is a good one.

I will have to tell that one to the boys.

Oh, they will laugh.

But you are a doctor.

Oh, yes, very much so.

Observe.

Let's see.

Here's looking good.

No infection.

I'll assume that one's good.

Here's looking a little small, though, maybe.

Maybe really small.

What kind of weird tiny man is this?

Just said he's a baby.

Oh, the day.

Yes, yes.

Did I mention how I am not how you say, I'm a baby, a troncian.

You got worse at saying that word?

Yes.

Okay, Jacob, be honest.

Do you smoke cigarettes?

He doesn't.

What baby smokes?

I don't know.

Maybe 60% of the babies in Colaganford?

Yeah.

Okay, and exam continues.

What country are you from?

European.

Okay.

Who's ready for an exam?

Jacob, read to me the first line, please.

Jacob, read to me the second line, please.

Jacob, read to me the third line, please.

Oh, okay.

Jacob, there is no easy way to say this, but you're blind.

No, he isn't.

He just can't read.

Oh, then your son is dumb.

Personally, I would rather be blind, but maybe in America being a dumb,

smoking baby is good.

In terra something.

You're dumb.

You're treating this baby like he's 25.

If I'm so dumb, Mrs. Smarty-pants, then how come I'm a doctor?

And I, doctor, and a dentist.

Say, I, Jacob.

Okay.

Your husband's teeth.

He only has one.

Maybe a two.

And one is receding into the gums.

And they're so tiny.

They're baby teeth.

Inside the mouth of a full grown man.

We must study him, and if necessary, destroy him.

Can I get another doctor?

Silence, mommy.

I am ready to make my diagnosis.

Your teenage husband has a baby coat.

Great, thank you.

He should be finding a few days.

Your bill is zero.

That's your baby.

Ooh.

A river there, chit-chow.

Bo-mo-y-ish.

Off he just said, cherry-o.

Aloha!

Or a wah.

Okay, bye bye.

Next please.

I am going to laugh out loud.

That's what I'm scared of.

Oh, I wish I could work.

I was wimpy right there.

Come on, Jenny, dance.

It's a river.

It's your boy, check it.

What are you waiting for?

Grab it!

We'll be waiting for.

Grab it!

Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.