Original subtitles

(Leopold panting)

Sheldgoose: Earth, at last!

It's been weeks since we left the moon.

How am I even still alive?

Felldrake: My magic sustains you, fool!

I don't know why I bother.

-(pops) -(rustling)

(Leopold panting)

(thuds)

Felldrake: Come, Sheldgoose. We must act quickly!

Felldrake: Ah, that's where those meddling Three Caballeros live.

-Let's destroy them! -But, Lord Felldrake...

I'm hungry.

Can't I at least drink some water that isn't...

-(toilet flushing) -...recycled?

Felldrake: Destroy first! Hydrate later!

They're probably plotting their next move even as we speak.

Donald: Let them have it!

(rapid gunshots)

-You're toast! -(gunshots)

I regret to inform you, my friend, that the toast is you!

(gunshots)

You're both pan tostado.

What?

Toast. (gasps)

Whoa!

(rapid gunshots)

Xandra: What are you doing?

Uh, popcorn fight?

Uh, regulation rules, of course.

Full-contact.

Then, I want in.

Toss me up one of those "popp-ed" corns.

(gunshot)

(heroic music)

(arrow swishes)

(crackles)

(snaps)

-(thuds) -(shatters)

Oops.

Have we always had that chandelier?

Eh, never noticed.

♪ We're Three Caballeros Three brave caballeros ♪

♪ They say we are birds of a feather ♪

♪ We're happy amigos No matter where he goes ♪

♪ The one, two, and three goes We're always together ♪

♪ Aye! ♪

♪ The Three Caballeros! ♪

(shatters)

(Sheldgoose laughing)

Those Caballeros are like sitting ducks waiting to be plucked.

Felldrake: Let us enter and commence their obliteration!

-Charge! -(zaps)

(suspenseful music)

-(zaps) -(grunts)

Felldrake: Well, have you never opened a door?

-Watch how I do it! -(whirring)

(zapping)

(Sheldgoose screams)

Felldrake: Curses! The cabana is protected by a mystic barrier.

Surely, you have the power to destroy it.

Felldrake: Not in this form, you dolt!

I would need an entire world's worth of power.

Fortunately, I know where to get it.

Come, Leopold. We fly!

(grunts)

(groaning)

(thuds)

(snoring)

Felldrake: Looks like Leopold's down for the count.

I have a private jet.

Felldrake: Great. Let's do that.

(light music)

I have to admit, Sheldgoose, this ain't too shabby.

I'm glad you approve, Lord Felldrake.

Now, where did you say we were going?

Look out the window, walnut brain!

Sheldgoose: Italy?

Felldrake: Well, look who's literate.

Yes! We're off to Rome.

Destination, The World Tree of the gods.

Prepare yourself for a terrible, dangerous, horrific journey.

You've obviously never traveled with a Sheldgoose before.

-Hit it, Joe! -(snaps fingers)

DJ: This is Radio Sheldgoose.

(upbeat music playing)

-(crashing) -(alarm beeping)

(wheels screeching)

(helicopter whirring)

-(dogs barking) -(panting)

Well? What do you think?

Eh, it's no Leopold.

Hey, I don't see any World Tree.

My magic will reveal it, fool!

See?

Felldrake: Behold, the legendary, miles-high,

exhausting, seemingly never-ending, ridiculously long staircase hike

to the center of the cosmos!

Sheldgoose: I'm not walking up that.

Felldrake: Fine! We'll take the elevator.

-(elevator dings) -(elevator music playing)

Sheldgoose: Oh! They're playing my song.

(Donald grunting)

Donald: This weighs a ton.

Just put it over there.

-Here. -Ouch!

-Ouch! -(clatters)

So, how goes the cataloguing, girls?

Great. This place is actually full of magical objects.

Yeah, like this little cutie.

Totem: Hello. I'm Pep-Talk Totem. I give pep talks.

When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.

It ain't over till it's over.

(clatters)

I'm fun, and people like me.

Ooh, what's this treasure?

(beeps)

Hi. I can answer any question you have.

Really? Then tell me what's been going on the past, say, 500 years?

I've been trapped in a book.

Phone: Searching online for "trapped in a book."

The Myth of Xandra, the very, very ancient goddess of adventure.

Astonishing.

-(shutter clicks) -(grunts)

(Xandra gasps)

What else can this magical object do?

Uh, it's a phone?

Little out of touch with the time, Xandra?

(laughs) Out of touch?

Are you kidding? I used to party with the gods.

Yeah. Pretty sure nobody does that anymore.

(laughs) I suppose next

you'll say chariot racing is outdated.

(laughs)

Chariot racing?

Shh. Just let her have it.

(Felldrake laughing maniacally)

Felldrake's back.

And it looks like he's in Italy.

The Roman gods! (gasps)

The Roman whats?

Just the coolest gods ever.

And my personal best friends.

They're so awesome.

And totally mighty!

-There's Jupiter, king of the gods. -(eagle screams)

He's all about lightning bolts and eagles,

and he totally rules.

And Venus, the goddess of love.

She knows how to break hearts and bust heads.

(tinkles)

And then there's Mars.

-Talk about dreamy. -(rumbling)

He likes battle and fighting and conflict and cool stuff like that.

I just hope he hasn't cut his beautiful hair.

So, are we going or...

Oh, yeah, uh...

Come on, Cabs!

We're off to the World Tree of the gods!

(elevator dings)

Felldrake: At last, we've arrived to the World Tree of the gods.

Rising through the cosmos, growing the planets of the universe.

Sheldgoose: I've never seen such a place.

Felldrake: Of course you haven't. You're a moron!

(grumbles)

Felldrake: Get down, you fool!

(leaves rustle)

Felldrake: Can't risk being spotted by the gods.

Let me guess, you don't have the power to destroy them.

Felldrake: I have the power to destroy soft-boiled simpletons.

But the power of the Roman gods is too awesome,

and totally mighty.

Quickly, we must ascend the tree before they find us.

-Wait. -Felldrake: What now?

It says staff only.

-And I'm a staff! -(thumps)

Let's go!

(thumps)

-(wind whistling) -(zaps)

(chattering) I'm freezing my tail off!

-(teeth chattering) -That's because you don't wear pants.

Hey, do not knock it until you try it, my friend.

You are so lucky you get to meet the Roman gods.

Ooh, you are going to be so impressed.

Race you to the top!

(Xandra laughing)

Donald: That's a lot of steps.

(Xandra laughing)

Come on, guys. Hurry!

-The gods are right up ahead! -(Donald groaning)

(sighs) So majestic.

(grandiose music)

Panchito: Totally.

Hey, what took you so long?

Wait. How did you--?

-Elevator. -(elevator dings)

(elevator music playing)

That's... new.

(gasping)

Okay, guys.

Stop gasping and get ready to gasp.

Behold, the Roman gods!

-(thunder rumbling) -(eagle screaming)

(heroic music)

(gasping)

Jupiter, Venus, Mars,

it is I, Xandra, goddess of adventure.

(heroic music stops)

What? How's that?

What did the little girl say?

Is she here to fix the drains?

Wow. You guys sure are mighty different.

Do you remember me, Xandra?

Oh, sure, honey. We remember you. You haven't changed a bit.

(shouting) Mars! it's Xandra!

Oh, yeah. Zeeboo.

Xandra!

Mars, what happened to your beautiful hair?

Hey, thanks for noticing. Jupiter cuts it for me.

-I can do you next. -(rasping)

Oh, no, no thank you. I got a guy.

How do you wage war with garden tools?

Oh, our war-faring days are over, Xandra.

Now, we devote all our time to farming and taking care of the World Tree.

It's been this way since the Titan War.

The things we saw.

-Gods versus giants versus monsters -(rumbling)

-versus gods versus giants versus monsters -(blades clanging)

-versus gods versus-- -Mars!

-(thumps) -(grunts)

Get a hold of yourself!

(panting)

-Uh... -Okay...

Yeah. The ultimate battle.

It took a heavy toll on all of us,

especially Mars.

That's when we put all that fighting behind us,

and turned our weapons of war into plowshares of peace.

Although, I'm still not sure what a plowshare is.

-Yeah, he don't know. -No idea.

Ahem!

Oh, sure. Um...

Gods, these are The Three Caballeros.

Pleased to meet ya.

We have heard really many good things from Xandra.

She didn't say you got old and weird, though.

-What'd you say? -What's that?

Listen. There's danger here.

The warlock Felldrake has returned.

The only danger here is our termite problem.

(squeaking angrily)

-(flicks) -(termite screams)

Hey, I know! Let's have a feast.

Yes, for Zito's return.

Xandra!

Oh, boy. I'm hungry.

It shall be a great feast of healthy greens and tubers.

What are tubers?

Well...

potatoes are a tuber,

beets are a tuber,

parsnips are a tuber,

yams are a tuber...

Felldrake: Behold, numbskull, the fabled world fruit,

fledgling planet, waiting to ripen.

The most concentrated energy in the universe.

Aw, they look so cute.

-Felldrake: They're not cute, you dolt! -(thumps)

Felldrake: They're sources of unlimited power!

But they do have these little seeds you have to watch out for.

Very annoying.

Now, hurry!

Oh, these look ripe.

-Felldrake: Maybe to an idiot. -(thumps)

But big plans require big fruit.

There.

With that unlimited power,

I shall become mightier than the mightiest god!

(Felldrake laughing)

(thunder rumbles)

Mars: Radishes are a tuber.

Turnip roots are a tuber... Turnip greens!

They're also a tuber.

(grunts) Stop listing tubers.

-(stomach growling) -I'm starving.

I'm famished as well.

Mars: Immortals do not serve food quickly.

Panchito: I'm so hungry, I could eat a tuber.

-(chomps) -Ouch!

Why, you little--

(chuckles)

Wait till I get my hands on you.

At least the termites are eating something.

-I'm gonna get you, little-- -José: Donald, wait for us!

Yeah, you're going to miss the tubers.

(zooming)

(whooshing)

Where'd he go?

-Huh? -All: Ooh!

José: Cosmic.

-Felldrake: Run faster, you monkey brain! -All: Huh?

I'm going as fast as I can, Lord Felldrake.

In case you didn't notice, I'm a little scared of... ooh! Heights!

(gasping)

Felldrake: Ew, gross.

-Get away! -(zaps)

-Donald: Stop right there! -(gasps)

Jose: We do not know what evil you plan on wreaking.

Or why or how or when.

But knock it off! Or face...

All: The Three Caballeros!

(whooping and laughing)

Oh, you are such pests!

Felldrake: Yes, pests.

Allow me to send some to join you.

-(zapping) -(termites screaming)

(growling)

(termites snarling)

(cackles)

Felldrake: Now, scream and run away!

No problem.

(termites snarling)

(screaming)

-(grunts) -(cracks)

-I got this. -(swishing)

(Donald screaming)

- En garde! -(Donald screaming)

-(termite growling) -Why must we fight?

-(snaps) -(shouting)

You know what would be useful right now?

A warrior goddess.

Yeah, where is Xandra?

Jupiter, Venus, Mars, what happened to you guys?

We've been like this for hundreds of years, kid.

Where have you been?

Well, trapped...in a book.

What? That old trick?

(laughing) And you're trying to tell us our business?

Xandra, dear, lighten up. You worry too much.

Here's a trowel.

Plants something and feel better, Xanadu.

-It's Xandra. -(clangs)

All: Whoa, easy!

Xandra: You're the Roman gods!

You used to be heroes!

But now you're just obsessed with ridiculous tubers.

Don't listen to her.

-(snaps) -Give me that!

What's so important about potatoes?

(squelches)

(all screaming)

Whoa, sorry.

I didn't know you were so attached to potatoes.

No, behind you!

(termites growling)

Mars: It's the Titan War all over again.

All right, guys. We got monsters.

This is your chance to--

-(teeth chattering) -Xandra: Okay.

We're hiding under tables now. Great.

(termites growling)

We do not have a chance while the bugs are scattered about.

Yeah.

-We need to get them all together. -Yeah.

If only we had something to lure them all to one place.

Yeah.

José and Panchito: Hmm.

(screaming)

(grunting)

Felldrake: Can't you pick a piece of fruit?

You ever heard of a gym?

(straining) Almost got it!

-(snaps) -(thuds)

-(screaming) -(zapping)

The World Fruit is ours!

Felldrake: And the power of the cosmos is mine!

(zapping)

-Felldrake: Yes. I can feel it. -(Sheldgoose laughing)

It's giving me the power of the gods!

And a bit of an ice cream headache.

(warbling, whooshing)

No. Great Poseidon's belly!

Felldrake.

It's the warlock!

Now's the time to fight!

Yeah, not so much.

-Eh, I think we're safe under here. -Titan War.

Girls, I need some help here.

Did you try turning it off and turning it back on again?

Imagine there was a god who was out of touch and didn't fit in anymore.

What would you say to get them off their backside?

Oh, sure. Hypothetically, you mean.

Well, I'd say it doesn't matter what you were.

It matters what you are now.

The world will always need heroes.

Yeah. We need heroes like you.

Hypothetically.

So, pick up your bow and go be a hero, Xandra.

This isn't about me.

Right. Whatever.

Thanks, girls. That's great advice.

Wow, this pep talk totem really works.

Totem: Thank you.

When you set your mind to it, there's nothing you can't do.

(clatters)

Totem: One man's trash is another man's treasure.

(tense music)

Okay. (grunts)

-Listen good. -All: Huh?

When I was a little goddess, I looked up to you.

You showed me it was possible to change the world!

I used to think you were all totally mighty.

And I still do.

All: You do?

You shook the pillars of the heavens before,

and you can do it again.

Right here, right now.

-(thuds) -(eagle screams)

All: Hm? Hmm.

(termites growling)

-Hey, watch it! -(snapping)

I don't like this!

This plan is working great.

-So, what do we do now? -Lift me up.

(whirring)

(zaps)

-Both: Huh? -Huh?

(zaps)

(squeals)

Xandra!

And I brought some friends.

Roman gods: We're totally mighty!

-(thunder crashing) -Let's rake some noise!

(heroic music)

-(grunts) -(rumbles)

Dig my power!

-(grunts) -(rasps)

It's pruning time!

(zaps)

Uh, shoot my arrows...

at you!

(zapping)

-Bug off! -(thumps)

(grunts) Ciao, my friend!

(thuds)

(squeals)

Oh, yeah. Just like the old days.

You said it.

(Felldrake laughs)

Felldrake! After him!

(grunting)

Felldrake: You're too late, gods and heroes.

I control the very skies!

And soon, they will be falling on you!

-(zapping) -(rumbling)

-(rustles) -(grunting)

-(thumping) -(clanging)

(zapping)

(grunts)

-We are here. -At last.

I need a clear shot at Felldrake.

Distract him.

And how exactly do you expect us to do that exactly?

Yeah. He's all the way up there.

We're not birds. It's not like we can fly.

You don't choose the time for being a hero.

It chooses you!

(swishes)

-Off we go. -Yah, woo-hoo-hoo!

-(zapping) -(clanging)

(screaming)

Hold on, amigos.

-(grunting) -(thumping)

Hey, you big dummy!

What?

(zapping)

-(gasps) -(rumbles)

-You may try your best to obliterate us... -Huh?

-(rumbles) -(grunts)

...but we're too quick for you!

-(grunting) -(rumbling)

Xandra: Hmm...

-Bingo. -(swishes)

(zaps)

Goddess of adventure, right here.

Felldrake: No!

(thumps)

-(rumbling) -(gasps)

(rumbling)

-Uh-oh. -(all screaming)

(grunts)

Felldrake: I'll see you in Hades, Caballeros!

Panchito: Whoa!

-(thuds) -(rustles)

(grunts)

Nice work, Cabs!

You, too, Xandra.

Your ability to fight danger matches perfectly

with our ability to flee from it.

Amiga , you fit in just fine... with us.

Aw, you!

-(thuds) -(yelling)

-Oops. -Woo! I'm good!

See, gods? I knew you were still totally mighty.

You just needed a little reminder.

I appreciate that, Xandra.

It's Xan-- Oh! You remembered!

Who could forget you?

And thank you, Three Caballeros.

You are mighty heroes,

even though you are small and scrawny.

Uh, thanks?

We are scrawny.

The battle was fought, and we have emerged victorious!

This calls for a celebration!

Jupiter: Yum.

Mars: Here we go.

Freshly baked planet pie.

Mmm, mmm.

(munching) Just like it used to. Mmm.

-Ugh! -(spits)

Mine tastes like rocks.

Mine tastes like mud.

Mine tastes like dirt.

Yummy.

(munches, gulps)

What's the secret ingredient?

Take a guess.

Panchito: Hmm...

Is it... tubers?

How did you know?

(all laughing)

Jose: We are eating dirt!

(Felldrake screaming)

Moai head: Huh?

(theme music)