All language subtitles for cdxsfcv

If you want to knowxxxxx
what I'm up to,

all you have to do is look
at my feed, and you'll see.

My man, my mani,

my mini,
which is actually a fiat,

#lessbasicbitch.

Henry, on the other hand,
wasn't on instagram.

So if you want to know
what the hell he's doing,

you have to stop by his office.

What the hell
are you doing?

This soothing balm is causing me
a great deal of discomfort.

Our diaper cream sales
have been...Well, stinky.

We should sell it
as an eye cream.
What?

I read on some beauty blog
that's what j-albs does.

I read on some beauty blog
that's what j-albs does.

Or j-lo.

One of the j's.

Look.

I must admit,
your under-eye region...

Does look luminous.

Mm-hmm.
I call it "butt eyes."

No. No, you don't.
That is a terrible name.

But it is a solid idea.

We market our diaper cream
for an unexpected use.

We target new moms
who aren't getting enough sleep

and could
desperately use --

butt eyes!
Please stop saying that.

I promise I can come up
with a better name.

A little bit of you,
a little bit of me, right?

A little bit of you,
a little bit of me, right?

Right.
In the meantime,

go pitch this to saperstein!
He's gonna love it!

Yeah.

I'm more of
a "have the idea" person.

I'm not really, like, a "bring
the idea to saperstein" person.

It's --
Liza, this is a good idea,

and I want him to know
that it's yours.

Here's another one I had --
the blorkel.

It's a blanket
with a built-in snorkel

so --
mm, yeah.

You have a strong,
viable idea for this company

whose value far exceeds
that of an aquatic blanket.

So go to saperstein.

Pitch him your diaper-cream
concept this very instant!

Pitch him your diaper-cream
concept this very instant!

"Srsly"?

Seriously.

It's so you can breathe
under the covers, right?

What?
The blorkel.

Oh!
Yeah. Exactly.

If I were you,
I'd "shark tank" that one.

Maybe I will.

I'll give you $100
for 90% of your company!

♪ I'm looking at me ♪

♪ hey, look, it's me ♪

♪ not to make it all me ♪

♪ funny thing about me ♪

♪ is while I'm looking
at me-e-e-e-e ♪

♪ is while I'm looking
at me-e-e-e-e ♪

♪ I'm hoping to find you ♪

Thank you.

Oopsies!
Ooh.

Yes, my oopsies,
as well.

Oh. You are eliza dooley's
acquaintances, are you not?

Wren and...Prue?

He got it right.
Wow.

We're delivering
hand-crafted sandwiches

for bryn's artisanal farm-to-
conference-table food concept.

Ah, yes. I hear they've amassed
quite a following upstairs.

Wren must be enjoying
a healthy profit.

Wren must be enjoying
a healthy profit.

Um, actually, since we all
make the sandwiches,

we're all
enjoying profit.

We've bucked the traditional
corporate structure

in favor of
a shared equity model, so...

Well, good luck with that.
Yeah.

Dig the shoes.
Pardon?

I said, "dig the shoes."

Thank you. Nice...

Leather-bound early edition copy
of "little women."

Yeah, I wrote an analysis
of that novel

for my women's studies
thesis.

I see. And in your thesis,
what exactly did you "thees"?

I see. And in your thesis,
what exactly did you "thees"?

I argued that
a Jo and Laurie marriage

would have made a superior
ending due to their obvious --

sexual tension?

I couldn't agree more.

Okay, speaking of sexual
tension, you guys...

...or is this
just regular tension?

I'm gonna head back.

You should come by
our book club, Henry.

It should be fun to have,
like, a male perspective.

Yeah, I-I'll think about it.
Yeah.

Aah!

Prue, take it down
six notches.

Prue, take it down
six notches.

Ahh.

Well?

OMG, h-dog,

I am pumped like some
re-released reeboks.

Tell me!
I just bid on and won

a pair of limited edish
Marc Jacobs jellies!

Shopshifter user
babyfuzz

can straight up suck it
in some havianas.

I'm sorry.
I-I am confused.

She's the ratchet
I was bidding against.

And havianas are, like,
the every flip-flop.

No. Eliza, what happened
with Sam saperstein

when you told him your idea?
Oh, that.

Okay, so, I was on my way
to saperstein's office,

okay, so, I was on my way
to saperstein's office,

and I started think about how
"sapers" sounds like zappos...

No, it doesn't.
...Which in turn reminded me
that I needed a good water shoe.

A water sh-- why does anyone
need a good water --

and I'd been fiending
for those m.J.'S,

and then it was like,
"seize the day."

You know?

No, I don't know.

In fact, I'm fairly certain
the "carpe diem" philosophy

does not apply
to online shoe shopping.

Aah!

All right, this is not longer
an ask. This is a demand.

Follow through
on your great idea.

I am personally walking you
over to saperstein's office.

I am personally walking you
over to saperstein's office.

Right now.
Out of your chair. Let's go.

Um, I can walk by myself,
thank you very much.

All right.
Okay?

Oh!

Starting now.

And so, you'll notice
my under-eye region

is as smooth and supple
as a baby's back door.

The end.
That's remarkable.

And I love how I knew
your presentation had finished.

Mm-hmm.

No, don't look at me, sir.
This is all her.

Miss dooley,
if I had my druthers,

miss dooley,
if I had my druthers,

we'd squirt diaper cream
on the face

of every woman in this country,
whether she liked it or not.

Yikes.

The only...Problem

is that we can't legally
advertise a product

for something other than
its intended use.

Oh, well.
No. Not "oh, well."

Never "oh, well."
Okay.

We need an unofficial way
to get the word out.

Well,
what about Twitter?

I have hundreds of thousands
of followers

on Twitter and instagram

and dozens of contacts waiting
to connect with me on linkedin.

I can get the word out...
Unofficially.

By all means,
tweet, gram, uh, link in.

Okay.
You know what's happening
right now?

Okay.
You know what's happening
right now?

A brainstorming sesh.

We're riffing.
It's a riff.

We're like
a corporate jazz trio

trying to figure out
a profit tune.

Henry on the hi-hat.

Eliza dooley
on the French horn.

Uh, I don't know
what we're doing here.

Solo.
It's your solo.

♪ don't really know
what a French horn sounds like ♪

Mr. saperstein,
there's a --

I'm sorry. I didn't realize
you were riffing.

I will let the board know
you're in a jazz meeting.

Thank you, Joan.

That night,
for the first time ever,

i took my work home with me

and tried to come up
with a hashtag

to make butt eyes go viral.

Why do people favorite
when they can re-tweet?

Nut up, dude!

My mom's such a coward.

My mom's such a coward.

Hey, do you
want to meet my mom?

They're in town this week.
Hmm? Who's in town?

My parents.

Oh, you want me
to meet the parents?

Like in that movie,
uh, "meet the parents"?

Yeah. I mean,
unless you're not into it.

Hmm?
I'm fully into it.

Yeah?
Yeah! Hell yeah.

Hell yeah.
Hmm.

Great.

Okay, you know what?
Hashtags would have to wait.

I had a super-hot guy in my bed
who was...

I had a super-hot guy in my bed
who was...

Good morning! How are you?
But keep your answer brief,

'cause I'm really just waiting
to tell you how i am.

I'm fine! How are you?

I think I'm okay, but last
night, for the first time ever,

Freddy and I slept together
without sleeping together.

Mm-hmm.

Meaning I didn't ride the pony
to pound town.

I got that.

Well?

Why aren't you exploding
into a million charmoniques

and scurrying
across the floor in shock?!

Because I'm not shocked.

Because I'm not shocked.

It sounds like your relationship
with Freddy is maturing.

Yeah. He asked me
to meet the parents.

Oh, you mean like in that movie
"meet the fockers"?

Yeah, but back to us
not having sex.

Is that what happens
in mature relationships?

Every relationship
is different,

but none of them
are different, yes?

That's how you know you're on
the next level, though,

when you think about more than
just having sex with them.

Are you thinking about
having sex with him right now?

No!

No!

Okay,
get away from my desk.

Hi.

God!

God!
My heart is racing.

Mine, too.
Workplace rendezvous?

This is
not a rendezvous.

Technically,
any meeting is a rendezvous.

Touché.

And additionally,
please leave.

I'm sorry?

I'm sorry?

I'm sorry, wren, but I learned
in my women's studies seminar

that no one likes to be
falsely encouraged.

So I must respectfully express
that I am not interested

in forging
a romantic convergence.

With you.

Yeah. Got it.

Thanks for being so frank.

Wren,
hold on a second.

I'm not really a muffin guy,
so...

I'm not really a muffin guy,
so...

Sir, Charlie said
you wanted to see me?

Uh, yes. That's exactly
what I told him to say.

Come in. Take a seat.

Henry, I just
wanted to thank you

for the tremendous work
you've been doing with eliza.
Oh.

I took the liberty of ordering
us a celebratory Sammie.

Oh, cheers.
Very kind of you, sir.

You know, Henry,
I don't know the difference

between a panini
and a pokémon.

You don't?

But I do know this little piece
of edible sunshine

but I do know this little piece
of edible sunshine

is the highlight
of my day.

Hmm.

Mmm.

Sir?

Are you -- are you all right?
Is there something wrong?

E-everything's wrong.

Everything!

The old sandwich was sweet,
salty, creamy, crisp.

She was a -- a toothsome
journey. But this? Th--

she was a -- a toothsome
journey. But this? Th--

it's --

excuse me.

Ah, yes. Hello.

I just picked up
two of your artisan sammies,

and I'm just wondering

if we're up against
some sort of chutney issue.

I see.

Right. Well, uh,
thank you for the explanation.

Hmm.

What is the explanation?

Well, Henry,
it's a tale as old as time.

Girl makes sandwich,
sandwich is delicious,

boy breaks girl's heart,
girl makes new sandwich

which tastes like
ground-up pigeon beak.

And I don't think I need to
tell you how this story ends.

You actually do,
sir.

Boy fixes sandwich,
Henry.

Boy fixes sandwich.

All I said was that I wasn't
interested in her romantically.

It's not what you said.
It's how you said it.

It's not what you said.
It's how you said it.

Come on! What?
I'm willing to pay double

if we can have the old,
toothsome sandwiches back.

Our cooperative
doesn't bend

to the pressure
of the almighty dollar.

Fine.

What if you tell me
the ingredients

so I can make the sandwich
for him myself?

Oh, and if I just
gave you some brushes,

could you paint
the "Mona Lisa"?

Uh...I think
this is a little different.

Out.

Come on.

All I was trying to do
was be honest about my feelings.

It's great that you can be
so honest about your feelings,

even if it means
hurting someone else's.

Thank you.

I meant that as a burn.

Meant mine
as a burn, too.

"Thank you"
was your burn?!

Per Henry's instructions,

i was trying to follow through
on my diaper-cream idea,

which meant another late night
at the office.

What are you
still doing here?

What are you
still doing here?

Okay. All my push notifications
are now diaper-face related.

We're trending
on pinterest's life hack board.

And I was just re-tweeted by the
gay men's chorus of los Angeles.

Aah!

Wow, look at you.

Working late. I've never seen
this side of you before.

Hey, did you know there's
this guy that comes through

and empties every trash
into one giant trash?

He's like reverse Santa
of garbage.

Yes, he's the janitor.

So, I shouldn't leave cookies
for him?

No, he sees cookies
as more work. In fact,

cookies are just something else
that he has to throw away.

Well, I'm just gonna
print off this report

illustrating my progress
for saperstein

illustrating my progress
for saperstein

and then race off to dinner
with Freddy's parents.

Freddy asked you
to meet his parents?

Unless you think
I should cancel.

I don't want you to say
I'm not following through.

As someone who has spent
far too many nights alone

with the reverse garbage Santa,
I can tell you

that following through
on personal stuff

is just as important.

So, why are you still here
and not with Julia?

Because Julia
is a workaholic, like me.

Because Julia
is a workaholic, like me.

I guess that's why
we're perfect for each other

and seldom together.

Meeting the parents.

Yeah.
Wow.
Things are getting "srs."

"Srsly."

Eliza, try to stay off
the phone tonight.

The only thing that should be
glowing at that table is you.

Glowing.

I hope I'm dressed okay.

I don't exactly have time
to go home and change.

You want to borrow
my coat?

You want to borrow
my coat?

Hmm. Maybe.

Here you go.

Turn around.
Right.

Well? How do I look?

Wow.

Little bit of you,
little bit of me.

That seems to be
the winning combination.

As I drove
to meet Freddy and his parents,

i thought about
what Henry had said.

Some moments are worth
putting your phone down for.

But more and more,
we forget to.

Hi. Um,
I'm joining them.

Thank you.

It was starting to feel like

the world was divided
into two groups of people --

those on their phones
and those not on their phones.

But suddenly, it was like
the blue haze had lifted.

Hi!

Oh, hey. Eliza.
Hi!
Oh, hi.

Wow, she is even more beautiful
than on instagram.

Oh.

We started following you
a few weeks ago

when Freddy tagged you
in one of his pics.

Ah!

#stalkers.
#guilty.

Okay, eliza, this incredibly
Internet-savvy couple

happens to be my parents --
this is Brandon and maisy.

Happens to be my parents --
this is Brandon and maisy.

Hi.
Brandon and --
and maisy?

Uh, you do realize your
couple name is mais-'n-bran.

Oh, my god.
That is fantastic.

I love it.
I love it!

Huh?
I mean, no wonder
you're together, right?

What's our couple name?

Um, uh, fry...Za. Fryza.

Fryza?

Yeah. Yeah.

F-fryza.
Yeah, fryza.

Sure.

It wasn't just
that our couple name

sounded like
a German curse word.

It was the fact that 90% of
the time I spent with Freddy,

it was the fact that 90% of
the time I spent with Freddy,

we were either doing this...

♪ Mi mi mi mi mi mi mi ♪

♪ mi mi mi, only mi mi ♪

♪ mi mi mi mi mi mi mi ♪

...or this...
♪ mi mi mi, sexy me,
mi mi mi mi mi mi mi ♪

...which prevented me
from ever fully understanding
♪ mi mi mi, only mi mi ♪

That Freddy's laugh
sounds like this...
♪ mi mi mi ♪

...and that he eats his bread
like this.

Mm!
Are we ready to order?

Madame?

Oh, uh...
I'm not sure what I want.

Can you come back to me?

Honey?
Um, I'm gonna do
the salmon.

Oh, yeah.
Salmon, please.

Make it three.
Salmon sounds great.

You won't be disappointed.
That's what we're famous for.

I don't know why
I'm having so much trouble

committing to something
that sounds so...Great.

Do some people
not like the salmon?

Oh, no.
Everyone loves the salmon.

And, in theory,
I should, too.

It's just that I've had
a lot of salmon recently.

And I kind of feel
like I've gotten all I
can get out of salmon,

and I may just have
lost my taste for...

And I may just have
lost my taste for...

Salmon entirely.

I mean, look.
There are other fish in the sea.

I mean, if salmon
doesn't feel right,

then you probably
shouldn't force it.

It was one of the best
pieces of advice

a waiter had ever given me.

Liza? You okay?

Mais-'n-bran,
I'm really sorry.

Uh,
your son is smoking hot,

and we have obscene sexual
chemistry. We're just not...

And we have obscene sexual
chemistry. We're just not...

We're not
a winning combination.

A-are you dumping me?

I'm really sorry.

Eliza...

Eliza!

So, just
three salmons, then?

Of all the people to die,
why Claire danes?

Prue!
Prue, you can't do that!
I also read it.

I just always picture Beth
as Claire danes.

I think it's great
that Beth died.

I'm actually super happy
for Beth.

I mean,
dying from Scarlet fever

sounds better than being ignored
on match.Com every night.

Too late
for one more?

I'm sure you don't still want me
to join your book club, wren,

but, um...
I re-read my thesis,

and it is hogwash.

Jo and Laurie
are meant to be friends,

and Laurie
is seeing someone else.

You see, wren?
Laurie doesn't hate Jo.

Laurie is just
in a relationship.

And make no mistake, Laurie is
not physically attracted to Jo.

But Laurie certainly
did not need to just say that.

But Laurie certainly
did not need to just say that.

Agreed.

Laurie still has
some work left to do.

I'm sorry, wren.

And not just
in a self-serving,

I-want-your-sandwich
kind of way.

I didn't mean to hurt your
feelings. I really didn't.

Apology accepted.

Thank you.

Oh, and, uh...

One more thing.
Bryn?

One more thing.
Bryn?

Yeah?

For someone
with such a large welcome mat,

you aren't
very welcoming.

Burn returned,
my dear.

That's your burn?

How long did it take you
to come up with that?

With my phone off for almost --

i don't know how long
because my phone was off --

it was just me and this one
thought that I couldn't shake.

The only person
who I wasn't hiding from,

the only person who had ever
seen me with no #filter was...

The only person who had ever
seen me with no #filter was...

Henry.
Hey.

How did it go
with Freddy?

It went exactly...
Like it was supposed to.

Oh, good.

Glad to hear it.
Have a great night.

Henry. Wait.

I want to give you
your jacket back.

You can just
give it to me tomorrow.

No.

I really want to
give it to you tonight.

♪ Come, let's stroll ♪

♪ stroll across the floor ♪

♪ stroll across the floor ♪

You sure you want to head home
right now?
♪ come, let's stroll ♪

♪ stroll across the floor ♪

No, I'm not.

♪ Now turn around, baby ♪

I have to
go feed my cat.

♪ Let's stroll once more ♪

You don't have a cat.

I have to go purchase a cat
and then feed it generously.
♪ feel so good ♪

♪ take me by my hand ♪

I don't understand what
the point of this button is!

♪ I feel so good ♪

♪ take me by my hand ♪

I wasn't discouraged.

Henry had taught me to follow
through on my good ideas,

and this one was even better
than the blorkel.

Henry and I were
going to be together...

Or else.