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1
00:00:01,083 --> 00:00:03,070
Most mornings requirea double dose
2
00:00:03,070 --> 00:00:04,304
of celebrity gossipand a triple-shot latte
3
00:00:04,304 --> 00:00:06,006
for me to even beginto perk up.
4
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,975
But today,i didn't need a miley meltdown
5
00:00:07,975 --> 00:00:09,676
or a mochaccino.
6
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:11,979
I was being fueledby something else entirely.
7
00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:15,315
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Excuse. Excuse!
8
00:00:15,315 --> 00:00:17,084
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
9
00:00:17,084 --> 00:00:18,218
Good morning.
How are you?
10
00:00:18,218 --> 00:00:19,486
Fine, thanks, and y--
o.M.G.
11
00:00:19,486 --> 00:00:21,555
I thought
you'd never ask.
12
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:25,058
I am for reals drunk on feels,
and I'm tingling all...Over.
13
00:00:25,058 --> 00:00:27,027
It is cold-sore season.
14
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:29,396
No, it is not the herp.
It's the heart.
15
00:00:29,396 --> 00:00:30,000
I finally realized
16
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:30,531
I finally realized
17
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:32,533
why it's never gonna happen
with Freddy.
18
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,401
You mean Freddy
the workplace DiCaprio,
19
00:00:34,401 --> 00:00:37,037
with the chiseled pecks and
the tongue-traceable jawline?
20
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:38,639
Freddy may be
the perfect male specimen,
21
00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:40,407
but I think my heart
belongs to someone else.
22
00:00:40,407 --> 00:00:41,742
Who?
23
00:00:41,742 --> 00:00:43,243
Best not be frank
in the mail room
24
00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:45,012
because I am working
my long game on him.
25
00:00:45,012 --> 00:00:47,014
It is not frank!
26
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:50,083
It's Henry.
27
00:00:50,083 --> 00:00:51,652
As in Henry Henry?
28
00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:55,489
His last name is not Henry,
but, yes, Henry Henry.
29
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:56,590
Aah!
30
00:00:56,590 --> 00:00:58,125
You're in love with him?
31
00:00:58,125 --> 00:00:59,092
When he looks
at me approvingly,
32
00:00:59,092 --> 00:01:00,000
I get these --
like, these shooting pangs.
33
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:00,994
I get these --
like, these shooting pangs.
34
00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:02,529
That could be related
to your usage
35
00:01:02,529 --> 00:01:03,997
of artificial
sweeteners.
36
00:01:03,997 --> 00:01:05,999
Okay.
37
00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:07,968
What's your probs?
I don't have probs.
38
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:10,137
You def have probs.
Why aren't you happier?
39
00:01:10,137 --> 00:01:11,538
I always assumed
you were secretly rooting
40
00:01:11,538 --> 00:01:13,073
for the two of us
to be together.
41
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,074
Not really.
42
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,642
Charmonique.
Hmm.
43
00:01:15,642 --> 00:01:17,244
Are you gonna
block this?
44
00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:19,146
No, do not --
do not block this!
45
00:01:19,146 --> 00:01:20,547
He has a girlfriend,
eliza!
46
00:01:20,547 --> 00:01:22,282
But they hardly ever
see each other.
47
00:01:22,282 --> 00:01:24,351
And Henry and I
see each other all the time.
48
00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:27,387
Well, then maybe I should
be in love with Henry.
49
00:01:27,387 --> 00:01:28,555
I see him
all the time, too.
50
00:01:28,555 --> 00:01:30,000
Okay,
straight-up girl code.
51
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:30,057
Okay,
straight-up girl code.
52
00:01:30,057 --> 00:01:32,559
If you have feelings for Henry,
I will legit step aside.
53
00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:34,094
But if you don't...
54
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,129
Charmonique, come on.
Support me.
55
00:01:36,129 --> 00:01:37,130
Fine.
56
00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:39,433
I am not into Henry.
He is all yours.
57
00:01:40,968 --> 00:01:42,302
That is assuming
that he feels the same way.
58
00:01:43,470 --> 00:01:44,972
Only nowthat charmonique mentioned it,
59
00:01:44,972 --> 00:01:47,140
i didn't really knowhow Henry felt.
60
00:01:47,140 --> 00:01:50,243
After I revealed myself to him,he didn't really say much.
61
00:01:50,243 --> 00:01:52,079
It seemed like all his energy
62
00:01:52,079 --> 00:01:54,047
went into trying
not to look at my...
63
00:01:54,047 --> 00:01:57,384
Mammaries. I saw them.
64
00:01:57,384 --> 00:01:59,553
Separately,
and then together.
65
00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:00,000
It was basically a full-frontal,
co-worker-type situation.
66
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:03,156
It was basically a full-frontal,
co-worker-type situation.
67
00:02:03,156 --> 00:02:06,059
So...Naturally,
I thought of you.
68
00:02:06,059 --> 00:02:08,495
Me? Raj?
69
00:02:08,495 --> 00:02:09,663
I thought,
"oh, boy, I'd better talk
70
00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:11,398
to raj in h.R.
About this."
71
00:02:11,398 --> 00:02:14,267
Did you want to file
a sexual-harassment complaint?
72
00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:16,036
No, no, of course not.
73
00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:18,538
So...A high five,
perhaps?
74
00:02:18,538 --> 00:02:20,307
A high fi--
absolutely not, no.
75
00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:23,010
I-I just
wanted to let you know
76
00:02:23,010 --> 00:02:24,645
that the aforementioned incident
was unsolicited
77
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:27,214
and did not unfurl
on premises.
78
00:02:27,214 --> 00:02:28,982
Unfurl?
79
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,000
Still, I thought it best
to fully disclose to you, raj.
80
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:32,185
Still, I thought it best
to fully disclose to you, raj.
81
00:02:32,185 --> 00:02:36,023
Look, Henry, this isn't
exactly unprecedented.
82
00:02:38,558 --> 00:02:40,994
What's that?
83
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,296
Eliza's inter-office
sexual claims binder.
84
00:02:43,296 --> 00:02:46,166
Nowadays,
85
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:47,634
we ask that both parties
sign a document
86
00:02:47,634 --> 00:02:49,436
saying that the relationship
is consensual.
87
00:02:49,436 --> 00:02:51,605
And if saperstein approves
the request,
88
00:02:51,605 --> 00:02:53,540
employees are free
to bump uglies.
89
00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:55,142
That's fascinating.
90
00:02:55,142 --> 00:02:58,011
So, if eliza has terminated
things with Freddy,
91
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,713
I can shred this...
92
00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:03,450
...and offer you this.
93
00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:05,752
Just sign
where indicated.
94
00:03:05,752 --> 00:03:07,120
And if all goes well,
95
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,389
you could be getting all up
in there by lunch Thursday...
96
00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:10,457
If I put a rush on it.
97
00:03:11,758 --> 00:03:14,261
♪ I'm looking at me ♪
98
00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:16,697
♪ hey, look, it's me ♪
99
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:19,199
♪ not to make it all me ♪
100
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,501
♪ funny thing about me ♪
101
00:03:21,501 --> 00:03:26,006
♪ is while I'm looking
at me-e-e-e-e ♪
102
00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:30,000
♪ I'm hoping to find you ♪
103
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:32,012
♪ I'm hoping to find you ♪
104
00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:33,280
Team.
105
00:03:34,281 --> 00:03:36,049
Who amongst you can tell me
what time it is?
106
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,384
It's 9:33.
107
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:39,453
9:33:03.
108
00:03:39,453 --> 00:03:41,154
don't be so literal,
compadres.
109
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:44,357
I'm asking
what time it is.
110
00:03:44,357 --> 00:03:46,093
Time to get ill?
Warmer.
111
00:03:46,093 --> 00:03:49,062
It's time for the annual
kinderkare karaoke party!
112
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,297
Yes!
113
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:52,733
Whoo!
114
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:57,037
You earned it, folks!
115
00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:59,506
We crushed
our year-end sales goals.
116
00:03:59,506 --> 00:04:00,000
Stock is up. Ergo...
117
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,675
Stock is up. Ergo...
118
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:04,411
♪ I think I know what time
it is, it's time to get ill ♪
119
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:06,980
Well said, my sightless friend.
120
00:04:06,980 --> 00:04:08,315
Henry. Henry.
121
00:04:08,315 --> 00:04:09,750
Henry? Henry?
122
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,251
Henry. Psst!
Henry. Henry.
123
00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,520
Henry. Eliza's trying
to get your attention.
124
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:16,056
I bet she wants to lock you down
for a duet.
125
00:04:16,056 --> 00:04:17,357
Might I suggest
126
00:04:17,357 --> 00:04:20,127
"solid as a rock"
by ashford and Simpson?
127
00:04:20,127 --> 00:04:21,461
♪ And we build it up ♪
128
00:04:21,461 --> 00:04:23,997
♪ and we build it up,
and we build it up ♪
129
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:26,032
♪ and now we're solid ♪
130
00:04:26,032 --> 00:04:28,135
- Mnh, mnh.
- Yeah.
131
00:04:28,135 --> 00:04:30,000
♪ Solid as a rock ♪
132
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:30,270
♪ solid as a rock ♪
133
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,538
Oh-ho-ho!
134
00:04:31,538 --> 00:04:33,206
Feel free to use that one, sir.
135
00:04:33,206 --> 00:04:34,674
I'm more of a solo artist.
136
00:04:34,674 --> 00:04:37,277
What is that
supposed to mean?
137
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:40,080
Folks, please keep in mind
that performance is mandatory.
138
00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:44,251
And no one should sing
the 1987 pop hit "wishing well,"
139
00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:46,753
which I, myself,
will be performing...
140
00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:48,255
As I do every year.
141
00:04:48,255 --> 00:04:50,490
- All right.
- All right.
142
00:04:52,325 --> 00:04:53,994
Henry. Henry!
143
00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:56,496
Eliza.
Freddy?
144
00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:57,697
Can we talk?
145
00:04:57,697 --> 00:05:00,000
Did you forget
to gel your swoop?
146
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:00,100
Did you forget
to gel your swoop?
147
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:02,369
Uh, yes. Yes, I did.
148
00:05:02,369 --> 00:05:04,004
Oh, my god.
149
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:07,307
Uh, truth is I can't gel
my swoop, horn my shoes,
150
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,742
press my shirt,
or even get through
151
00:05:08,742 --> 00:05:10,410
more than 40%
of my Jason statham workout.
152
00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:12,746
Oh.
153
00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:15,382
I'm starting to lose definition
on those groin muscles
154
00:05:15,382 --> 00:05:16,516
that point to my junk.
155
00:05:16,516 --> 00:05:18,018
Your adonis belt?
156
00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:19,186
Freddy, no.
157
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:22,022
Yeah. Oh, since you dumped me,
I've been falling apart.
158
00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:24,524
I'm in deep eliza dooley
withdrawal.
159
00:05:24,524 --> 00:05:26,660
And only by the Grace
of "backdraft" reruns
160
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:29,229
on the usa network am I standing
here before you now.
161
00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:30,000
What?
162
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,064
What?
163
00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:32,666
Make no mistake, eliza,
I'm miserable without you.
164
00:05:32,666 --> 00:05:35,168
Freddy-y-y-y.
165
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,169
If I moved too quickly,
166
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:37,470
and you're not into
the whole "relaysh,"
167
00:05:37,470 --> 00:05:38,738
then let's just
go back to having
168
00:05:38,738 --> 00:05:40,106
relentless, casual sex.
169
00:05:40,106 --> 00:05:41,408
Mm.
170
00:05:41,408 --> 00:05:44,411
Being with you is the only thing
that makes any sense to me.
171
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,681
I'm really sorry,
Freddy.
172
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:51,084
But right now
my head is somewhere else.
173
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:54,287
So you should probably
just go and gel your swoop.
174
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:56,056
It'll make you feel
so much better, okay?
175
00:05:59,392 --> 00:06:00,000
Okay, what the quack?
Why are you avoiding me?
176
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:04,130
Okay, what the quack?
Why are you avoiding me?
177
00:06:04,130 --> 00:06:06,299
I am...
I am not avoiding you.
178
00:06:06,299 --> 00:06:07,667
You power-walked out
of that conference room
179
00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:10,103
like a mom
at the glendora galleria.
180
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:12,105
I have a naturally
brisk gait.
181
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:14,107
Okay, so,
let me get this straight.
182
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:17,644
I break up with my boyfriend,
disrobe in a public elevator,
183
00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:18,745
confess that I may have
184
00:06:18,745 --> 00:06:20,247
accidentally fallen
in love with you,
185
00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:24,651
and you, in turn,
have a naturally brisk gait?
186
00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:25,752
You didn't say anything
187
00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:27,754
about accidentally
falling in love with me.
188
00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:30,000
Well, that was implied.
I exposed myself to you.
189
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:30,490
Well, that was implied.
I exposed myself to you.
190
00:06:30,490 --> 00:06:32,259
You exposed your body to me.
There is a difference.
191
00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:34,094
Stop, just stop
trying to lecture me
192
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:35,695
and just
tell me how you feel.
193
00:06:35,695 --> 00:06:37,564
I think...
194
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:40,133
I think...
195
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:45,238
I need a moment
to organize my thoughts.
196
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:46,740
Once I've performed
some due diligence
197
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,575
and weigh the assets
and liabilities,
198
00:06:48,575 --> 00:06:50,243
I'll be far better equipped
to share my findings.
199
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,112
Your findings?
200
00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:54,080
We're talking about
our relationship,
201
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,082
not a hostile
corporate takeover.
202
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:59,085
I'm sorry.
203
00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:00,000
I need some time.
204
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:00,387
I need some time.
205
00:07:00,387 --> 00:07:02,055
Cool.
206
00:07:02,055 --> 00:07:04,557
So, what are you thinking?
Like 5? 10?
207
00:07:04,557 --> 00:07:06,326
I could hit up
Linda's mint bowl.
208
00:07:06,326 --> 00:07:08,328
Apply a top coat.
209
00:07:08,328 --> 00:07:10,130
Re-record my voicemail
to soulja boy's
210
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:12,065
"kiss me thru the phone,"
and then, like, circle back.
211
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:17,103
Or I could just leave.
Got it.
212
00:07:21,474 --> 00:07:24,311
And how long has it been
since you confronted him
213
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:26,146
with your emotions?
214
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:27,681
Almost 24 hours.
215
00:07:27,681 --> 00:07:32,552
I don't get it.
Ugh, what am I supposed to do?
216
00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:34,020
Get dressed, huh?
217
00:07:34,020 --> 00:07:35,989
Show up at the party
looking like a million bucks
218
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:38,158
and make him
eat his heart out?
219
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:40,293
No! Hell, no!
He ain't Freddie prinze Jr.!
220
00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:43,063
And I don't need to tell you
you ain't Kate Hudson.
221
00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:46,032
No,
what you need to do
222
00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:48,034
is let yourself
into his home
223
00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:49,022
and set fire
to his living quarters.
224
00:07:49,022 --> 00:07:50,136
And set fire
to his living quarters.
225
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:51,438
What?
226
00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:53,006
Terry mcmillan his ass.
227
00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:55,742
Pile up all
his tasteful teak furnishings
228
00:07:55,742 --> 00:07:57,110
and set them ablaze.
229
00:07:57,110 --> 00:08:00,513
Lisa "left eye" lopes
his whole situation.
230
00:08:00,513 --> 00:08:01,681
You're not serious.
231
00:08:01,681 --> 00:08:05,185
He's trying to burn you,
is he not?
232
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:06,419
Is he not?!
233
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:09,589
But what if Henry decides
he wants to be with me?
234
00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:12,025
Won't burning down his house,
like, ruin things?
235
00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:13,727
No, not necessarily.
236
00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:16,062
I'm sorry.
That is terrible advice.
237
00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:17,464
She's crazy.
238
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:19,022
We haven't met, miss,
but you are out of your mind.
239
00:08:19,022 --> 00:08:21,267
We haven't met, miss,
but you are out of your mind.
240
00:08:21,267 --> 00:08:24,104
I see. And do you
have a man, juno?
241
00:08:25,605 --> 00:08:30,110
I have a male cat.
Do you have a man?
242
00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:37,050
And you say it's been 24 hours,
and he still hasn't responded?
243
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:38,985
What am
I supposed to do?
244
00:08:38,985 --> 00:08:42,055
If it were me,
rifle through his garbage,
245
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:43,523
set up surveillance,
tap his mother's phone,
246
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,191
hack into his e-mails.
247
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:47,360
Henry69! Boom!
We're in!
248
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,022
Bitch. don't talk loud
in my house.
249
00:08:49,022 --> 00:08:50,397
Bitch. don't talk loud
in my house.
250
00:08:50,397 --> 00:08:53,566
Hmm...
251
00:08:53,566 --> 00:08:57,037
She's stronger
than she looks, though.
252
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,705
See,
that's part of my game.
253
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:01,975
I like to come off
as completely non-threatening
254
00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:04,277
so that men feel comfortable
approaching me.
255
00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:07,447
And yet...
They never do.
256
00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:15,088
As bryn and charmoniqueprepared to go another round,
257
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:18,391
i realized neither of themhad any advice that was legal.
258
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:19,022
It didn't really matterwhat my friend, my neighbor,
259
00:09:19,022 --> 00:09:20,727
it didn't really matterwhat my friend, my neighbor,
260
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:22,162
or Kate Hudson would do.
261
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:25,065
All that mattered wasfinding out how Henry felt.
262
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:28,234
Whatever it was,i just needed to know.
263
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:31,971
I don't agree
with its politics,
264
00:09:31,971 --> 00:09:33,139
but part of me desperately
wants to do
265
00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:36,309
"bitch, don't kill my vibe,"
a known crowd-pleaser.
266
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:37,744
What about you?
267
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:39,012
Hmm?
268
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:41,014
Have you decided
what you're going to do?
269
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:43,149
No.
270
00:09:43,149 --> 00:09:46,419
The truth is I have never felt
more conflicted in my life.
271
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:49,022
On the one hand,
there's this complicated,
272
00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:50,290
on the one hand,
there's this complicated,
273
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:52,459
beautiful, but,
274
00:09:52,459 --> 00:09:54,761
let's be honest,
slightly dangerous option.
275
00:09:54,761 --> 00:09:56,763
"Hollaback girl"
by Gwen Stefani!
276
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:58,164
Exactly.
277
00:09:58,164 --> 00:10:00,767
And I don't know
if I can pull that one off.
278
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:05,138
And then there's this warm,
safe, familiar option
279
00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:07,073
that feels very
non-threatening and...
280
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:09,742
...and easy.
281
00:10:09,742 --> 00:10:12,112
"Uptown girl"
by Billy Joel?
282
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,146
The thing is, raj,
283
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:14,481
I've been doing "uptown girl"
my entire life.
284
00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:17,317
And a part of me --
285
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:19,022
a big part of me wants to
try something different,
286
00:10:19,022 --> 00:10:19,319
a big part of me wants to
try something different,
287
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:22,989
something...
Out of my range.
288
00:10:22,989 --> 00:10:25,191
I like "hollaback girl"
more than I should.
289
00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:26,593
It's a great song.
290
00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:30,430
I may have even
grown to love it.
291
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:33,266
And even though
it's scary and uncertain
292
00:10:33,266 --> 00:10:35,034
and several people in
this office have performed it
293
00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:36,136
on other occasions...
294
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,438
I'm told two different people
did it at last year's party.
295
00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:40,740
Two d--
296
00:10:40,740 --> 00:10:43,243
still...
297
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:47,280
I would never forgive myself
if I didn't try.
298
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:48,581
I'm gonna do it.
299
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:52,752
I'm gonna do it.
300
00:10:52,752 --> 00:10:54,654
I'm gonna go for it.
301
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:56,656
Thank you, raj.
302
00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:02,028
♪ Yo, pretty ladies
around the world ♪
303
00:11:02,028 --> 00:11:04,030
♪ got a weird thing
to show you ♪
304
00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:06,032
♪ so tell all the boys
and girls ♪
305
00:11:06,032 --> 00:11:08,168
♪ tell your brother,
your sister ♪
306
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,303
♪ and your mama, too ♪
307
00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:12,138
♪ 'cause we're
about to throw down ♪
308
00:11:12,138 --> 00:11:14,007
♪ and you know just what to do ♪
309
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:18,578
♪ wave your hands in the air
like you don't care ♪
310
00:11:18,578 --> 00:11:19,022
♪ glide by the people as
they start to look and stare ♪
hey. Waiting for someone?
311
00:11:19,022 --> 00:11:20,747
♪ Glide by the people as
they start to look and stare ♪
hey. Waiting for someone?
312
00:11:20,747 --> 00:11:23,683
Freddy.
Expecting your lady?
313
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,518
Who? Uh...
♪ do your dance,
do your dance ♪
314
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:28,388
Julia. Julia. Yeah.
♪ do your dance, quick mama ♪
315
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:30,023
No, she's, uh, working tonight.
♪ come on, baby, tell me,
what's the word? ♪
316
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:31,257
She's not gonna make it.
317
00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:33,193
Hmm. No woman, no cry.
♪ "word up" is the code word ♪
318
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,094
That's actually
a popular misconception.
319
00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:37,063
That is not
what that song was about.
320
00:11:37,063 --> 00:11:39,098
I never should have tried to
get serious with her, right?
321
00:11:39,098 --> 00:11:41,301
Is that it? She's just not
the relationship kind of girl?
322
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,736
Come on, Henry.
323
00:11:43,736 --> 00:11:46,239
♪ No matter how you say it,
you know that you'll be heard ♪
you know her better
than anyone else.
324
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:49,022
No, no.
Oh, yeah, you do.
You can tell me.
325
00:11:49,022 --> 00:11:49,075
No, no.
Oh, yeah, you do.
You can tell me.
326
00:11:49,075 --> 00:11:50,743
What happened
between us?
327
00:11:50,743 --> 00:11:53,313
I'm not really sure. Maybe --
maybe it wasn't meant to be.
328
00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:55,481
Wasn't meant to be?
♪ wave your hands in the air
like you don't care ♪
329
00:11:55,481 --> 00:11:57,483
We were crazy
about each other.
330
00:11:57,483 --> 00:11:59,152
We devoured each other.
♪ glide by the people as
they start to look and stare ♪
331
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:02,622
I mean, I'm sure she told you
the sex was just out of control.
332
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:05,992
Maybe she's scared...
Of being vulnerable...
♪ do your dance, do your dance,
do your dance, quick mama ♪
333
00:12:05,992 --> 00:12:08,628
...of, uh...
Of having something real.
334
00:12:08,628 --> 00:12:10,330
Yeah, that sounds
about right.
♪ "word up" ♪
335
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:11,664
Yeah, it does.
336
00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:13,433
It's like the second
she knows you care about her,
337
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:15,101
watch out, boy.
338
00:12:15,101 --> 00:12:18,404
She'll chew you up.
She's a maneater.
339
00:12:18,404 --> 00:12:19,022
I think I might do
"maneater."
340
00:12:19,022 --> 00:12:20,240
I think I might do
"maneater."
341
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,408
♪ "Word up,"
it's the code word ♪
342
00:12:22,408 --> 00:12:24,377
Whoo. Whoo!
♪ no matter where you say it ♪
343
00:12:24,377 --> 00:12:26,713
♪ you know
that you'll be heard ♪
344
00:12:29,148 --> 00:12:33,152
Yeah! Ha ha!
345
00:12:33,152 --> 00:12:34,287
All right.
346
00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:40,994
I looked worse than Megan foxafter a bad chemical peel.
347
00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:42,295
But for the first timein forever,
348
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:44,097
i wasn't thinking aboutwhat I looked like.
349
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,765
I was only thinking about...
350
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,400
Henry!
351
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:48,568
♪ Oh, here she comes ♪
352
00:12:48,568 --> 00:12:49,022
Henry.
353
00:12:49,022 --> 00:12:50,036
Henry.
354
00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:52,739
♪ Watch out, boy,
she'll chew you up ♪
he--
355
00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:54,107
♪ oh, here she comes ♪
356
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:55,575
♪ she's a maneater ♪
357
00:12:55,575 --> 00:12:57,744
Excuse me.
358
00:12:57,744 --> 00:13:00,313
♪ Oh, here she comes ♪
359
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:03,149
♪ watch out, boy,
she'll chew you up ♪
360
00:13:03,149 --> 00:13:05,451
♪ oh, here she comes ♪
361
00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:08,087
♪ she's a maneater ♪
362
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:10,723
Time's up.
363
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:13,293
Eliza.
You look ready for bed.
364
00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,361
I don't want to set fire
to your living quarters
365
00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:16,729
or wiretap
your mom's phone.
366
00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:18,131
That's reassuring.
367
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:19,022
I just -- I just want to know
how you feel about me.
368
00:13:19,022 --> 00:13:20,366
I just -- I just want to know
how you feel about me.
369
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:23,002
Right. Right.
370
00:13:23,002 --> 00:13:25,004
Come in.
371
00:13:25,004 --> 00:13:27,974
Have a seat.
Yes, right there.
372
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:37,550
So, it's hard for me to access
my own feeling sometimes,
373
00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:39,719
you know, due to
a great number of things,
374
00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:41,287
including the 1979 remake
of "the champ"
375
00:13:41,287 --> 00:13:43,156
starring Ricky schroder,
376
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,658
during which I cried so hard,
I threw up.
377
00:13:45,658 --> 00:13:47,060
Who's Ricky schroder?
378
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:48,394
"Who is...?"
379
00:13:48,394 --> 00:13:49,022
Doesn't matter.
380
00:13:49,022 --> 00:13:49,595
Doesn't matter.
381
00:13:49,595 --> 00:13:51,264
The -- the -- the point is...
382
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:54,600
...I have trouble understanding
my own feelings sometimes.
383
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:57,670
But in this case,
I believe I understand yours.
384
00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:00,073
I almost convinced
myself otherwise,
385
00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:02,108
but deep down,
I think I know.
386
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:04,610
Know what?
Your feelings for me
387
00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:06,746
are less about me
and more about you...
388
00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:07,747
And Freddy.
389
00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:09,215
Hmm?
390
00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:10,550
Things with him
were getting serious,
391
00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:11,584
and that scared you.
392
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:13,119
So -- so you sabotaged
the relationship
393
00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:14,754
by throwing yourself
at me.
394
00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:19,022
Are you kidding?
395
00:14:19,022 --> 00:14:19,092
Are you kidding?
396
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:21,227
It took you a full day
to come up with that?
397
00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:24,130
Wow. That's really
pathetic, Henry.
398
00:14:24,130 --> 00:14:25,998
Eliza, w--
399
00:14:25,998 --> 00:14:27,467
you know, maybe
I should be with Freddy.
400
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:29,035
At least he knows
what he wants.
401
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:31,337
Plus he happens to own
an adonis belt.
402
00:14:31,337 --> 00:14:33,139
And all your belts
are leather.
403
00:14:33,139 --> 00:14:37,143
And for the record,
404
00:14:37,143 --> 00:14:40,446
I'm not scared of being
in a relationship, Henry.
405
00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:41,614
You are.
406
00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:43,116
I happen to be
in a relationship
407
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:45,151
that is healthy and functional
and smooth.
408
00:14:45,151 --> 00:14:46,586
That literally sounds like
409
00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:48,020
you're describing
a bowel movement.
410
00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:49,022
That's strictly
coincidental.
411
00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:49,355
That's strictly
coincidental.
412
00:14:49,355 --> 00:14:51,524
Is it? See,
I think you're hiding
413
00:14:51,524 --> 00:14:54,527
behind your safe, boring,
crappy relationship with Julia,
414
00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:58,398
hoping no one notices that
you're not in love with her.
415
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,299
I notice.
416
00:15:00,299 --> 00:15:02,268
I notice.
417
00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:03,469
You're the one --
418
00:15:03,469 --> 00:15:05,471
you're the one who's terrified
of feeling anything --
419
00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:07,306
anything
you can't control.
420
00:15:07,306 --> 00:15:10,109
You're just a chicken.
You're a big chicken!
421
00:15:10,109 --> 00:15:12,145
Eliza!
422
00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:17,083
And that...
Is the m-monologue
423
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:19,022
from the play
I am auditioning for.
424
00:15:19,022 --> 00:15:19,118
From the play
I am auditioning for.
425
00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:21,587
So, wish me luck, guys.
426
00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:31,764
Ouch.
427
00:15:37,069 --> 00:15:39,338
♪ Kissing like a bandit ♪
428
00:15:39,338 --> 00:15:41,140
♪ stealing time ♪
429
00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:46,145
♪ underneath the sycamore tree ♪
430
00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:50,149
♪ cupid, by the hour,
sends valentines ♪
431
00:15:50,149 --> 00:15:52,985
♪ to my sweet lover and me ♪
432
00:15:52,985 --> 00:15:54,987
While I was drinking awaymy feelings...
433
00:15:54,987 --> 00:15:56,656
♪ Slowly, but surely ♪
...Henry was probably home
434
00:15:56,656 --> 00:15:59,659
having missionarymake-up sex with...
435
00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:02,723
♪ Your appetite
is more than I knew ♪
436
00:16:02,723 --> 00:16:03,563
♪ your appetite
is more than I knew ♪
437
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:05,731
♪ sweetly, softly ♪
438
00:16:05,731 --> 00:16:08,201
You didn't go after her.
439
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:10,269
You didn't go after Julia.
♪ I'm falling in love with you ♪
440
00:16:10,269 --> 00:16:12,004
She's waiting for me
downstairs.
Liar!
441
00:16:12,004 --> 00:16:13,072
She stormed off
mad at you,
442
00:16:13,072 --> 00:16:15,575
and you didn't go after her
because what I said is true.
443
00:16:15,575 --> 00:16:17,376
And you're secretly
in love with me.
444
00:16:17,376 --> 00:16:19,045
♪ A wishing well
of butterfly tears ♪
445
00:16:19,045 --> 00:16:21,747
Blink once if you're
secretly in love with me.
Eliza.
446
00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:23,416
Blink once if you have
feelings for me,
447
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:25,418
but you're unwilling
to admit it.
448
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:26,986
You're drunk.
Blink if you want me!
449
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,422
♪ A wishing well
of crocodile tears ♪
450
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:35,328
Ha ha!
451
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:36,996
Now my eyes
are extremely dry.
452
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,998
I knew it.
I can't stop blinking.
453
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,233
Hey. Hey.
454
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:43,703
I love you, too.
455
00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:45,505
Eliza.
456
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:48,007
Julia is waiting for me
downstairs. I have to go.
457
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,177
Good night, eliza.
458
00:16:51,177 --> 00:16:54,981
Next up onstage
is eliza dooley.
459
00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:57,517
So, where's eliza?
460
00:16:57,517 --> 00:17:01,420
There she is.
Hey, eliza, get up here!
461
00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:02,723
It's your time.
462
00:17:02,723 --> 00:17:03,122
It's your time.
463
00:17:07,126 --> 00:17:11,297
♪ Party girls don't get hurt,
can't feel anything ♪
464
00:17:11,297 --> 00:17:12,999
♪ when will I learn? ♪
465
00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:16,469
♪ I push it down, push it down ♪
466
00:17:18,304 --> 00:17:21,974
♪ I'm the one,
"for a good time, call" ♪
467
00:17:21,974 --> 00:17:25,044
♪ phone's blowing up,
they're ringing my doorbell ♪
468
00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:31,050
♪ I feel the love,
feel the l-o-o-ove ♪
469
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,723
♪ 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink ♪
470
00:17:32,723 --> 00:17:34,554
♪ 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink ♪
471
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:37,723
♪ 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink ♪
472
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:41,060
♪ 1, 2, 3, 1, 2, 3, drink ♪
473
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:44,230
♪ throw 'em back
till I lose count ♪
474
00:17:44,230 --> 00:17:49,068
♪ I'm gonna swing ♪
475
00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:52,538
♪ from the chandelier ♪
476
00:17:52,538 --> 00:17:56,375
♪ from the chandelier ♪
477
00:17:56,375 --> 00:18:01,113
♪ I'm gonna live ♪
478
00:18:01,113 --> 00:18:02,723
♪ like tomorrow doesn't exist ♪
479
00:18:02,723 --> 00:18:05,284
♪ like tomorrow doesn't exist ♪
480
00:18:05,284 --> 00:18:09,121
♪ like it
doesn't exi-I-I-st ♪
481
00:18:09,121 --> 00:18:13,426
♪ I'm gonna fly ♪
482
00:18:13,426 --> 00:18:17,430
♪ like a bird
through the night ♪
483
00:18:17,430 --> 00:18:21,100
♪ feel my tears as they dry ♪
484
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:26,606
♪ I'm gonna swing ♪
485
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:30,276
♪ from the chandelier ♪
486
00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:32,311
♪ the chandelier ♪
487
00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:32,723
♪ but I'm holding on
for dear life ♪
488
00:18:32,723 --> 00:18:35,314
♪ but I'm holding on
for dear life ♪
489
00:18:35,314 --> 00:18:38,017
♪ won't look down,
won't open my eyes ♪
490
00:18:38,017 --> 00:18:41,187
♪ keep my glass full
until morning light ♪
491
00:18:41,187 --> 00:18:45,024
♪ 'cause I'm just holding on
for tonight ♪
492
00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:47,360
♪ help me, I'm holding on
for dear life ♪
493
00:18:47,360 --> 00:18:51,163
♪ won't look down,
won't open my eyes ♪
494
00:18:51,163 --> 00:18:54,166
♪ keep my glass full
until morning light ♪
495
00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:57,136
♪ oh, I'm just holding on
for tonight ♪
496
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:59,639
♪ oh, I'm just holding on
for tonight ♪
497
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:01,374
♪ on for tonight ♪
498
00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:02,723
♪ on for tonight ♪
499
00:19:02,723 --> 00:19:05,077
♪ on for tonight ♪
500
00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:21,060
I don't know whyI'm calling you.
501
00:19:21,060 --> 00:19:22,695
You should be calling me.
502
00:19:22,695 --> 00:19:25,598
But the point is you aren't.
503
00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:28,067
I guess that tells meeverything I need to know.
504
00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:30,569
And I guess that means...
505
00:19:30,569 --> 00:19:32,038
Goodbye.
506
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,228
Hmm.
507
00:19:36,228 --> 00:19:36,642
Hmm.
508
00:19:36,642 --> 00:19:38,644
Two lone wolves,
you and I.
509
00:19:38,644 --> 00:19:40,479
Looks that way.
510
00:19:40,479 --> 00:19:42,481
I didn't see you
up there tonight.
511
00:19:42,481 --> 00:19:45,151
No, sir.
512
00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:47,653
I thought Korean people
loved karaoke.
513
00:19:47,653 --> 00:19:51,190
Sir,
that is a stereotype.
514
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:54,360
It happens to be true.
515
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,395
I guess
I'm the exception.
516
00:19:56,395 --> 00:19:59,231
Well, that's too bad
517
00:19:59,231 --> 00:20:02,068
because it is...
Mandatory.
518
00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:04,036
Sir, I'm not exactly
in the mood for --
519
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:06,228
mandatory, son.
520
00:20:06,228 --> 00:20:06,706
Mandatory, son.
521
00:20:27,626 --> 00:20:31,497
♪ Now that I've lost
everything to you ♪
522
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:36,228
♪ you say you want to
start something new ♪
523
00:20:36,228 --> 00:20:38,104
♪ you say you want to
start something new ♪
524
00:20:40,506 --> 00:20:44,176
♪ and it's breaking my heart
you're leaving ♪
525
00:20:44,176 --> 00:20:48,047
♪ baby, I'm grieving ♪
526
00:20:48,047 --> 00:20:51,684
♪ but if you want to leave,
take good care ♪
527
00:20:51,684 --> 00:20:55,054
♪ hope you have a lot
of nice things to wear ♪
528
00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:59,058
♪ but then a lot of nice things
turn bad out there ♪
529
00:21:01,427 --> 00:21:06,228
♪ ooh, baby, baby,
it's a wild world ♪
530
00:21:06,228 --> 00:21:06,599
♪ ooh, baby, baby,
it's a wild world ♪
531
00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:10,503
♪ it's hard to get by
just upon a smile ♪
532
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:19,111
♪ ooh, baby, baby,
it's a wild world ♪
533
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:22,615
♪ I'll always remember you
like a child, girl ♪
37299
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