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1
00:00:01,602 --> 00:00:03,036
Growing up, I saw birthdays
2
00:00:03,036 --> 00:00:04,738
as a chanceto party with my friends.
3
00:00:04,738 --> 00:00:07,074
♪ Have you ever been
close to tragedy ♪
or at the least, the one friend
4
00:00:07,074 --> 00:00:10,010
who my mom hired,who happened to be a clown.
♪ or been close
to folks who have? ♪
5
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,112
♪ Have you ever felt
a pain so powerful ♪
6
00:00:12,112 --> 00:00:15,382
♪ so heavy you collapse? ♪
nowadays, I partylike a drunk Reese Witherspoon.
7
00:00:15,382 --> 00:00:18,051
I am an American citizen,
8
00:00:18,051 --> 00:00:20,053
and I am on U.S. soil!
9
00:00:20,053 --> 00:00:22,456
Uh...
♪ never had to knock on wood ♪
10
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:25,759
Unfortunately, not everyonethinks life is a party,
11
00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:28,595
and by "not everyone,"i mean Henry.
12
00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:30,000
The cellphone is
an extension of the hand.
13
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,266
The cellphone is
an extension of the hand.
14
00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:35,102
In fact, the very surface
of your cellular device
15
00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:38,505
is home to thousands of germs,
microbes, and bacteria,
16
00:00:38,505 --> 00:00:40,173
capable of causing everything
from
17
00:00:40,173 --> 00:00:42,309
pneumonia to diphtheria
and quite possibly --
18
00:00:42,309 --> 00:00:44,011
aids!
19
00:00:44,011 --> 00:00:45,145
N-no, not aids.
20
00:00:45,145 --> 00:00:46,647
Ebola?
21
00:00:48,081 --> 00:00:49,750
Those are the two
I'm mainly worried about.
22
00:00:49,750 --> 00:00:52,152
Charlie,
I will not hesitate to mace you!
23
00:00:52,152 --> 00:00:54,321
Move!
24
00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:56,023
Charlie!
I'm sorry, sir.
25
00:00:56,023 --> 00:00:57,658
She's way stronger
than me.
26
00:00:57,658 --> 00:01:00,000
Yeah, she is.
How can I help you?
27
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,595
Yeah, she is.
How can I help you?
28
00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:05,098
You know damn well I'm here
on official company business.
29
00:01:05,098 --> 00:01:07,034
Let's just
get it over with.
30
00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:08,702
don't be mad at me.
31
00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:10,437
I didn't come up
with the policy.
32
00:01:10,437 --> 00:01:12,439
I don't also need
a lecture!
Fine.
33
00:01:12,439 --> 00:01:14,107
Ready?
I'm ready.
34
00:01:14,107 --> 00:01:15,375
Go.
35
00:01:15,375 --> 00:01:19,546
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
36
00:01:19,546 --> 00:01:23,617
♪ happy birthday
to you ♪
37
00:01:23,617 --> 00:01:26,987
It's your birthday?!
♪ happy birthday ♪
38
00:01:26,987 --> 00:01:30,000
♪ dear Henry-y-y-y ♪
39
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:30,991
♪ dear Henry-y-y-y ♪
40
00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:33,093
♪ happy birthday
to you ♪
41
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,561
Saturday
is my birthday.
42
00:01:34,561 --> 00:01:37,331
Policy dictates
that the "happy birthday" song
43
00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:38,999
must be administered
on or before
44
00:01:38,999 --> 00:01:40,133
the employee's date
of birth,
45
00:01:40,133 --> 00:01:42,035
and I don't work
on Saturdays, so...
46
00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:43,537
Thank you, charmonique.
I have been served.
47
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:45,038
Now,
if you'll excuse us,
48
00:01:45,038 --> 00:01:46,974
eliza and I are late
for a meeting with R&D.
49
00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:51,511
I'm sorry. I just don't enjoy
being celebrated.
50
00:01:51,511 --> 00:01:53,113
Your birthday lands
on a weekend?
51
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,715
You're basically
living my dream.
52
00:01:54,715 --> 00:01:56,516
My next b-day falls
on stupid Tuesday.
53
00:01:56,516 --> 00:01:57,651
don't disparage
Tuesdays.
54
00:01:57,651 --> 00:01:59,119
Tuesdays have done
nothing to you.
55
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:00,000
So, what are you gonna do
to celebrate?
56
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:01,388
So, what are you gonna do
to celebrate?
57
00:02:01,388 --> 00:02:03,390
I'm not entirely sure.
58
00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:05,025
Julia and I
may grab dinner.
59
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:07,294
Other than that, I was hoping
to power-wash my carport,
60
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:09,396
maybe finish this documentary
on tiny houses.
61
00:02:09,396 --> 00:02:12,199
Who wronged you?
What?
62
00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:13,967
Why are you
the way you are?
63
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:17,337
There he is!
Birthday boy!
64
00:02:17,337 --> 00:02:20,340
Got you something.
don't try to dodge it.
65
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:23,043
don't you dare try
and dodge it!
66
00:02:23,043 --> 00:02:26,513
He's dodging it!
He's a dodg-- whoa!
67
00:02:26,513 --> 00:02:28,982
♪ I'm looking at me ♪
68
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,000
♪ hey, look, it's me ♪
69
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,451
♪ hey, look, it's me ♪
70
00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:33,987
♪ not to make it all me ♪
71
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,289
♪ funny thing about me ♪
72
00:02:36,289 --> 00:02:41,161
♪ is while I'm looking
at me-e-e-e-e ♪
73
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,330
♪ I'm hoping to find you ♪
74
00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:51,972
Birthday boy?
75
00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:53,106
No idea, sir.
76
00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:56,143
He's getting wilier
with age.
77
00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:58,045
I do admire that.
78
00:02:58,045 --> 00:03:00,000
See that he gets that.
79
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:00,113
See that he gets that.
80
00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:04,317
All this just to avoid people
giving you gifts?
81
00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:10,590
What constitutes a gift
is entirely subjective.
82
00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:12,125
In my experience,
co-workers alternate
83
00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:16,129
between cheap, impersonal items
like this partially used
84
00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:18,165
Barry's brisket gift card
from Larry
85
00:03:18,165 --> 00:03:20,701
and lavish, impersonal items
like this...
86
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:24,504
Endangered ivory-tusk
letter opener from saperstein.
87
00:03:24,504 --> 00:03:27,007
Henry, you have spent weeks
impressing upon me
88
00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:29,109
the importance of good manners
and social Grace.
89
00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:30,000
There's no way I'm not getting
you a birthday present.
90
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,011
There's no way I'm not getting
you a birthday present.
91
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:32,179
Fair enough.
92
00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:35,015
Then I task you with finding
something personal --
93
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:36,283
meaningful, yet modest.
94
00:03:36,283 --> 00:03:39,119
Fine. But, um...
95
00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:42,089
Can I cop that Barry's brisket
gift card?
96
00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:44,558
Because I am hella hangry,
and it's, like, not even noon.
97
00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:46,126
Go ahead.
Thank you.
98
00:03:48,128 --> 00:03:50,297
What do you guys think
Henry would love more --
99
00:03:50,297 --> 00:03:53,633
a tempur-pedic pillow or a mug
that says "I mean business!"?
100
00:03:53,633 --> 00:03:55,368
Mug.
They both sound terrible.
101
00:03:55,368 --> 00:03:58,004
He says he wants something
modest, yet meaningful.
102
00:03:58,004 --> 00:03:59,239
What am I
supposed to do --
103
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,000
capture and gift wrap
Cate blanchett?
104
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,007
Capture and gift wrap
Cate blanchett?
105
00:04:01,007 --> 00:04:03,143
Oh, you know who I've always
wanted to capture?
106
00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:05,045
Clive Owen.
107
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:07,314
I just think he's great.
108
00:04:07,314 --> 00:04:09,516
Yeah, but isn't he kind of
clive Owen in everything?
109
00:04:09,516 --> 00:04:11,118
Oh, that's not fair.
110
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:13,253
Can we focus, please?
Let's think.
111
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,088
What's something
Henry doesn't have?
112
00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:20,060
Fun.
113
00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,766
Wait, there's some truth
in your hilarious burn.
114
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,968
What about a party?
115
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:29,169
I could throw Henry
a fun party
116
00:04:29,169 --> 00:04:30,000
with a cake
and white tigers --
117
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:31,138
with a cake
and white tigers --
118
00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:33,173
I'm in! I'm in!
I-I'm coming -- no take-backs!
119
00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:34,508
I don't know.
120
00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:36,977
Henry doesn't seem like
the "fun party" kind of guy.
121
00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:39,312
He seems more like the
"leave the fun party early
122
00:04:39,312 --> 00:04:40,580
to avoid traffic"
kind of guy.
123
00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:43,116
Stop saying things
that are true!
124
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:46,253
Sidebar --
does anyone want this?
125
00:04:46,253 --> 00:04:47,254
Ooh!
No.
126
00:04:47,254 --> 00:04:50,490
Oh.
127
00:04:58,064 --> 00:05:00,000
Aah!
Oh, dear god!
128
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:00,100
Aah!
Oh, dear god!
129
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:01,735
I thought
you were a possum!
130
00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:03,503
I'm not.
131
00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:04,638
What are you doing
out there?!
132
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,740
Waiting till midnight.
What at midnight?
133
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:08,074
Your birthday, dummy.
134
00:05:08,074 --> 00:05:09,276
Open up.
Oh.
135
00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:16,082
Geez!
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, waiting.
136
00:05:16,082 --> 00:05:17,350
Okay, now. Open up.
137
00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:21,721
Two tickets to blues traveler.
Two tickets to blues traveler!
138
00:05:21,721 --> 00:05:22,989
Whoo!
139
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:26,560
Stunned silence.
140
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,663
Partially blind.
Blues traveler's
your favorite band, right?
141
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:30,000
Technically,
my membership
142
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,665
technically,
my membership
143
00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:34,134
to the John popper army
expired 20 years ago.
144
00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:37,237
But, uh, I did
used to love them.
145
00:05:37,237 --> 00:05:38,672
Wait, how did you know?
Oh.
146
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:41,174
Oh, um, I just stalked
every single person
147
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:42,375
in your graduating class,
148
00:05:42,375 --> 00:05:44,377
scoured all their
individual Facebook photos
149
00:05:44,377 --> 00:05:46,046
until I found one
from 1994
150
00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:47,714
that you could been seen
in the background of,
151
00:05:47,714 --> 00:05:49,049
sporting a nasty,
little rat tail
152
00:05:49,049 --> 00:05:51,084
and a blues traveler
t-shirt.
153
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:54,254
In the '90s, that was
an acceptable look.
154
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:57,090
Thank you, eliza.
Well done.
155
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:58,692
You accomplished
the task.
156
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,000
"You accomplished
the task."
157
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,394
"You accomplished
the task."
158
00:06:01,394 --> 00:06:04,097
Well, thank you, m'dear.
159
00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:05,232
You weren't too shabby
yourself.
160
00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:06,600
No, that's what
Henry said
161
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,401
when I gave him
his birthday present.
162
00:06:08,401 --> 00:06:09,970
Should I be worried
that you're laying naked
163
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:11,304
in bed with me,
thinking about Henry?
164
00:06:11,304 --> 00:06:12,973
I got him tickets to
blues traveler for his birthday,
165
00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:16,309
and I expected him to be, like,
a little more, whoo, excited!
166
00:06:16,309 --> 00:06:20,146
In his defense, jam-band tickets
aren't that exciting.
167
00:06:20,146 --> 00:06:22,983
He said
"modest and meaningful."
168
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:26,086
Well, you basically just gave
the man two pieces of paper.
169
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:28,421
Well,
I wanted to throw him a party.
170
00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:30,000
Well, why didn't you?
Parties are awesome.
171
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:30,257
Well, why didn't you?
Parties are awesome.
172
00:06:30,257 --> 00:06:32,726
Because everyone else said
Henry wouldn't want one.
173
00:06:32,726 --> 00:06:34,227
Come on.
Everybody wants one.
174
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:37,097
That's why all-important events
culminate in a celebration.
175
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:41,101
Think about it -- death,
marriage, may 5th, football.
176
00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:43,236
Oh, my god, babies,
the oscars, hurricanes --
177
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,971
they all come
with parties!
178
00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:46,139
Okay,
that settles it.
179
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:47,540
While Henry's
at that concert,
180
00:06:47,540 --> 00:06:49,075
I'm breaking
into his house,
181
00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:51,978
throwing him
a surprise party.
182
00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:53,980
He's gonna think he hates it,
but then it's gonna be
183
00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:55,382
just like you
and the "edge of tomorrow."
184
00:06:55,382 --> 00:06:57,317
Ah, I loved
"edge of tomorrow."
185
00:06:57,317 --> 00:06:59,152
Oh, I know, but, originally,
you didn't want to watch it
186
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:00,000
because you were still mad
about "Jack reacher."
187
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:00,453
Because you were still mad
about "Jack reacher."
188
00:07:00,453 --> 00:07:02,455
tom cruise had no business
playing Jack reacher!
189
00:07:03,556 --> 00:07:05,725
It should have been
Chris hemsworth.
190
00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:07,727
But then we watched it
on demand,
191
00:07:07,727 --> 00:07:09,062
and you super loved it
192
00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:10,697
and it totally erased
all the bad blood
193
00:07:10,697 --> 00:07:12,065
between you
and t-cruise.
194
00:07:12,065 --> 00:07:14,334
Wait, so,
did we just agree
195
00:07:14,334 --> 00:07:17,037
to throw Henry a party
or watch a tom cruise movie?
196
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:18,204
Both.
I'll call about a keg.
197
00:07:18,204 --> 00:07:19,539
You put on
"the last samurai."
198
00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:21,641
He had no business playing
the last samurai!
199
00:07:24,711 --> 00:07:26,379
Unlike you...
200
00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:27,714
The night
is still young.
201
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,550
That's just a bit
of birthday ribbing.
Ah.
202
00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:32,352
I hope I didn't take it
too far.
203
00:07:32,352 --> 00:07:34,321
Not at all. That was
just the right level.
204
00:07:34,321 --> 00:07:36,323
Okay.
205
00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:37,991
But, seriously, folks...
Mm.
206
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:40,060
...what might you enjoy doing
after dinner?
207
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:42,395
I read
the Fowler museum
208
00:07:42,395 --> 00:07:45,365
has a fascinating exhibit
on the volga trade route.
209
00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:46,566
The whole route?
210
00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:49,035
From uppsala
to the caspian sea.
211
00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:50,971
Well, I do love
river-based trade.
212
00:07:50,971 --> 00:07:52,609
But I was actually thinking
we could...
213
00:07:52,609 --> 00:07:53,506
But I was actually thinking
we could...
214
00:07:53,506 --> 00:07:56,343
Check out
a blues traveler concert.
215
00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:58,678
I'm sorry?
216
00:07:58,678 --> 00:08:01,114
It's silly, but I used to be
a bit of a fan,
217
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:03,083
and I got these tickets
for my birthday.
218
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:06,086
I...I thought it could be
a cultural safari.
219
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:09,222
More like a cultural
"I'm sorry."
220
00:08:12,292 --> 00:08:13,727
I will be here
all night.
221
00:08:13,727 --> 00:08:15,628
That was wonderful.
Cheers.
Oh.
222
00:08:15,628 --> 00:08:17,630
Oh.
While Henry enjoyedsome boring banter
223
00:08:17,630 --> 00:08:19,099
with his boring girlfriend,
224
00:08:19,099 --> 00:08:21,968
i broke into his boring houseto plan something fun.
225
00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:22,609
Tell me if
this has been overdone --
226
00:08:22,609 --> 00:08:24,137
tell me if
this has been overdone --
227
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:26,072
a basil-strawberry
vodka luge
228
00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:29,042
that empties onto three or four
bisexual cage dancers.
229
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:31,411
Eliza, this is Henry
we're talking about, right?
230
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:34,247
Okay, I'm gonna share
with you some party wisdom
231
00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:36,583
that has been thrice confirmed
by my boy checkers,
232
00:08:36,583 --> 00:08:39,185
who's a bouncer,
my old college roommate peanut,
233
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:40,453
and this dude I know
named whiskers,
234
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:41,654
who's opening up
a club downtown.
235
00:08:41,654 --> 00:08:43,590
Why do all your friends
have cat names?
236
00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:44,591
They just do.
237
00:08:44,591 --> 00:08:46,559
You ready? Here it is.
238
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,461
The celebration
must suit the celebrant.
239
00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:50,997
You're not gonna get puff daddy
a bouncy castle,
240
00:08:50,997 --> 00:08:52,609
nor a small child
12 cases of ciroc.
241
00:08:52,609 --> 00:08:52,999
Nor a small child
12 cases of ciroc.
242
00:08:52,999 --> 00:08:56,036
You dropped it.
I caught it -- knowledge.
243
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:58,138
Huh.
My work here is done.
244
00:08:58,138 --> 00:08:59,372
Well, hey,
where are you going?
245
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,974
I said whiskers is opening up
a club downtown.
246
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:02,142
All my boys
are gonna be there --
247
00:09:02,142 --> 00:09:05,011
mittens, bandit, Garfield,
248
00:09:05,011 --> 00:09:07,614
Felix, azrael,
heathcliff.
249
00:09:07,614 --> 00:09:09,416
Okay, n-now you're just
messing with me.
250
00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:10,417
Yes, I am.
251
00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:11,451
No, but, seriously,
252
00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:13,420
I got to go meet
Sylvester and Hobbes.
253
00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:19,692
We are rusted courage,
254
00:09:19,692 --> 00:09:22,362
and our t-shirts
are three for one!
255
00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:22,609
Next up, blues traveler!
256
00:09:22,609 --> 00:09:24,330
Next up, blues traveler!
257
00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:33,406
Whoo!
258
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,008
Is he going to do that
all night?
259
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:37,043
I want to hear
those "whoos"!
260
00:09:37,043 --> 00:09:38,178
Whoo!
261
00:09:38,178 --> 00:09:40,146
I think so.
262
00:09:40,146 --> 00:09:42,115
Everyone seems to be enjoying
their flat beer.
263
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,249
Would you care for one?
264
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:46,419
After paying $30 for parking,
I'm not sure we can afford it.
265
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,388
All right, we're gonna
266
00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:50,156
start this one off
with some new stuff!
267
00:09:50,156 --> 00:09:52,609
But you guys came here
for some new stuff, right?
268
00:09:52,609 --> 00:09:53,159
But you guys came here
for some new stuff, right?
269
00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:54,994
Just kidding.
270
00:09:54,994 --> 00:09:57,030
I wouldn't want to give you
the runaround.
271
00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:12,278
Julia, thank you
for enduring this.
272
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:15,048
I'm here for nostalgia
more than a love of --
273
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:17,984
♪ oh, once upon
a midnight dreary... ♪
♪ oh, once upon
a midnight dreary ♪
274
00:10:17,984 --> 00:10:21,654
♪ I woke with something
in my head ♪
275
00:10:21,654 --> 00:10:22,609
♪ I couldn't escape
the memory ♪
276
00:10:22,609 --> 00:10:24,324
♪ I couldn't escape
the memory ♪
277
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:26,025
Did you want to earplugs?
278
00:10:26,025 --> 00:10:27,327
♪ Of a phone call
and of what you said ♪
huh?
279
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:28,428
I know we're close
to the stage, but --
280
00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:29,762
you still got the pipes,
popper!
281
00:10:29,762 --> 00:10:32,198
♪ ...with a parting gift ♪
no, yeah, you still do!
282
00:10:32,198 --> 00:10:34,033
♪ I could not believe my eyes ♪
oh my god, he pointed at me!
283
00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:35,969
♪ When I saw through
the voice of a trusted friend ♪
284
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:37,737
A-actually, I think I would
like some earplugs!
285
00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:39,139
Okay, would you want me
to go get you some?
286
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,406
Oh, well, I can --
287
00:10:40,406 --> 00:10:43,643
♪ yeah, humor me
and tell me lies ♪
288
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:46,513
♪ well, I'll lie, too,
and say I don't mind ♪
289
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:50,049
♪ and as we seek,
so shall we find ♪
290
00:10:50,049 --> 00:10:52,609
♪ and when you're feeling open,
I'll still be here ♪
291
00:10:52,609 --> 00:10:53,019
♪ and when you're feeling open,
I'll still be here ♪
292
00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:56,022
♪ but not without
a certain degree of fear ♪
293
00:10:56,022 --> 00:10:59,225
♪ of what will be
with you and me ♪
294
00:10:59,225 --> 00:11:02,228
♪ I still can
see things hopefully ♪
295
00:11:02,228 --> 00:11:05,031
♪ but you ♪
I may go purchase
a bag of peanuts!
296
00:11:05,031 --> 00:11:08,635
♪ Why you want to
give me a runaround? ♪
297
00:11:08,635 --> 00:11:12,305
♪ Yeah, it's a surefire way
to speed things up ♪
298
00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:17,477
♪ when all it does
is slow me down ♪
299
00:11:17,477 --> 00:11:18,578
Yeah!
300
00:11:18,578 --> 00:11:20,547
♪ And shake me and my... ♪
yeah!
301
00:11:20,547 --> 00:11:22,582
So, as we all know,
Henry's favorite thing
302
00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:22,609
in the whole
entire world is...
303
00:11:22,609 --> 00:11:24,984
In the whole
entire world is...
304
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,755
Me.
Close. It's work
or the workplace.
305
00:11:28,755 --> 00:11:30,023
Right. I knew that.
306
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:32,125
And since today is the day
Henry got born,
307
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:34,093
I really wanted to celebrate
by bringing him
308
00:11:34,093 --> 00:11:35,395
the thing he loves most,
309
00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:38,031
hence Henry's office-themed
birthday party!
310
00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:41,034
Why didn't we just do it
at the office?
311
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,703
Um, for the obvious reason
that I didn't think of that.
312
00:11:43,703 --> 00:11:46,306
Any other questions?
313
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:49,576
Uh, do I still work for Henry,
or am I a guest here?
314
00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:51,744
Uh,
am I still his boss?
315
00:11:51,744 --> 00:11:52,609
I mean, can I tell him
what to do tonight?
316
00:11:52,609 --> 00:11:53,580
I mean, can I tell him
what to do tonight?
317
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:55,248
Yes, and yes.
318
00:11:55,248 --> 00:11:57,150
Good. Good.
319
00:11:57,150 --> 00:11:58,651
I'm just glad
I don't have to drink alone.
320
00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:01,321
That's the spirit!
Huh?!
321
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:04,657
Everyone, just drink with Larry,
much like you would do at work.
322
00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:08,027
Uh...Nobody should be drinking
at work.
323
00:12:08,027 --> 00:12:09,662
No.
Fine.
324
00:12:09,662 --> 00:12:12,165
Just mill around and do nothing,
much like you would do at work.
325
00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:14,167
To be clear,
326
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:18,004
everybody should be
working at...Work.
327
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:19,305
Fine.
328
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:22,609
Act like you're su-u-u-u-per
busy and completely sober,
329
00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:23,309
act like you're su-u-u-u-per
busy and completely sober,
330
00:12:23,309 --> 00:12:25,578
much like you would do
at work.
331
00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:26,980
Good. Good.
332
00:12:30,049 --> 00:12:33,386
Henry's office-themed birthday.
Can I help you?
333
00:12:33,386 --> 00:12:34,621
Eliza, it's unicef.
334
00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:36,990
Who here handles
Henry's donations?
335
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,124
Raj.
336
00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:39,092
Why raj?
337
00:12:39,092 --> 00:12:41,761
Hello?
338
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:44,597
Well, let me see.
339
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:46,099
He has a big heart,
340
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:50,103
so I suppose he will sponsor,
uh, 50?
341
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,571
W-would 50 children
be good?
342
00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:52,609
Sure, it's a start.
That's good. That's good.
343
00:12:52,609 --> 00:12:54,107
Sure, it's a start.
That's good. That's good.
344
00:12:54,107 --> 00:12:56,142
Oh, oh, I see.
345
00:12:56,142 --> 00:12:57,110
For a few dollars more,
346
00:12:57,110 --> 00:12:58,978
we can buy
Henry's children a well.
347
00:12:58,978 --> 00:13:00,480
I approve that decision.
348
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,716
Okay, yes,
Henry would like
349
00:13:03,716 --> 00:13:06,452
to buy clean drinking water
for his children.
350
00:13:06,452 --> 00:13:08,454
Using the card on file.
351
00:13:08,454 --> 00:13:10,323
No, thank you.
352
00:13:10,323 --> 00:13:12,292
Good job, raj.
353
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:15,161
It wasn't exactlydrinking champagne
354
00:13:15,161 --> 00:13:17,163
off a bisexual cage dancer.
355
00:13:17,163 --> 00:13:18,631
But it was the kindof buttoned-up fun
356
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,166
Henry would approve of.
357
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:22,609
♪ Oh, let's get real ♪
358
00:13:22,609 --> 00:13:22,635
♪ oh, let's get real ♪
359
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:26,005
♪ high ♪
♪ high ♪
360
00:13:32,011 --> 00:13:34,180
Hon, did you see
my solo?!
361
00:13:34,180 --> 00:13:36,215
Did you see
my tasty solo, hon?!
362
00:13:36,215 --> 00:13:37,250
Very tasty!
363
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:43,022
Julia, I think
I speak for Wayne
364
00:13:43,022 --> 00:13:44,324
and all of the other
fellow travelers
365
00:13:44,324 --> 00:13:45,992
when I say
you are harshing the mellow.
366
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:48,127
That is the gist.
367
00:13:48,127 --> 00:13:50,063
Apologies, Wayne.
368
00:13:50,063 --> 00:13:52,165
Yeah, I think
I'll step outside.
369
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:52,609
Hold on. Hold on.
Are you upset with me?
370
00:13:52,609 --> 00:13:54,200
Hold on. Hold on.
Are you upset with me?
371
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:55,601
Could you
take off that hat?
372
00:13:55,601 --> 00:13:57,003
I'm having
a very hard time
373
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,705
taking you seriously
with that hat.
374
00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:00,173
Yeah.
375
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,008
Are you leaving?
We totally --
no, no, we don't have to.
376
00:14:02,008 --> 00:14:04,143
It's just,
I'm the on-call doctor,
377
00:14:04,143 --> 00:14:06,279
and the reception in here
is pretty terrible.
378
00:14:06,279 --> 00:14:07,447
Oh, wait.
I'll go with you.
379
00:14:07,447 --> 00:14:09,148
No, I-I'll --
we'll both go.
380
00:14:09,148 --> 00:14:11,117
Just let me say goodbye
and exchange info with --
381
00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:12,985
♪ suck it in,
suck it in, suck it in ♪
382
00:14:12,985 --> 00:14:14,454
♪ if you're rin tin tin
or Anne boleyn ♪
383
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,322
♪ make a desperate move
or else you'll win ♪
384
00:14:16,322 --> 00:14:18,991
♪ and then begin to see
what you're doing to me ♪
385
00:14:18,991 --> 00:14:20,159
♪ this mtv is not for free ♪
386
00:14:20,159 --> 00:14:21,127
♪ it's so p.C.,
it's killing me ♪
387
00:14:21,127 --> 00:14:22,609
♪ so desperately I sing
to thee of love ♪
388
00:14:22,609 --> 00:14:23,763
♪ so desperately I sing
to thee of love ♪
389
00:14:23,763 --> 00:14:27,266
♪ love! ♪
♪ sure, but also rage and hate
and pain and fear of self ♪
390
00:14:27,266 --> 00:14:29,402
♪ and I can't keep
these feelings on the shelf ♪
391
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:31,571
♪ I've tried,
well, no, in fact, I lied ♪
392
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:33,406
I knew
this would happen.
393
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:36,109
You see, this is why
I seldom let it all hang out.
394
00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:38,444
don't worry about it,
brother.
395
00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:40,446
If I know anything
about anything,
396
00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:42,615
the hook
will bring her back.
397
00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:46,119
And if it doesn't,
you can always live with me.
398
00:14:46,119 --> 00:14:47,420
♪ To the ground I've found ♪
399
00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,122
♪ I will not mess around
unless I play ♪
400
00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:03,636
Sir, can I get you to sign
this check for office supplies?
401
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:07,273
Since we're working here,
I thought I'd reorder toner.
402
00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:08,975
Thank you, Joan.
403
00:15:08,975 --> 00:15:10,176
And I'll just remind you,
404
00:15:10,176 --> 00:15:13,079
you have a surprise with Henry
coming up in five minutes.
405
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:17,016
Joan, this fake office
would crumble without you.
406
00:15:17,016 --> 00:15:19,118
Thank you, sir.
407
00:15:19,118 --> 00:15:20,139
Happy birthday!
408
00:15:20,139 --> 00:15:20,753
Happy birthday!
409
00:15:20,753 --> 00:15:22,088
Surprise!
410
00:15:22,088 --> 00:15:24,424
What's going on here?
Happy office party!
411
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:27,593
Surprise!
Happy birthday!
412
00:15:27,593 --> 00:15:29,095
Happy birthday!
413
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:31,531
Happy office party,
Henry.
414
00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:33,199
Is this great or what?
415
00:15:33,199 --> 00:15:35,168
Eliza got work bagels!
416
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:38,037
Henry, your children desperately
wish they could be here,
417
00:15:38,037 --> 00:15:40,273
but they don't have access
to modern transportation.
418
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:43,676
Eliza, can I speak to you
in private for a moment?
419
00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:45,411
Okay.
420
00:15:47,213 --> 00:15:48,381
Oh, man.
421
00:15:49,982 --> 00:15:50,139
So, did you have fun
at the concert?
422
00:15:50,139 --> 00:15:51,984
So, did you have fun
at the concert?
423
00:15:51,984 --> 00:15:53,352
No.
Really?
424
00:15:53,352 --> 00:15:55,154
Then why
did you buy merch?
425
00:15:55,154 --> 00:15:58,491
don't concern yourself
with my merch.
426
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,660
I'm just saying,
no one buys a t-shirt
427
00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:03,162
to remember a concert
they did not have fun at.
428
00:16:03,162 --> 00:16:06,032
Why are these people
in my house?
429
00:16:06,032 --> 00:16:08,100
How are
these people in my house?
430
00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:09,569
Did you know
your bathroom window
431
00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:10,736
can fit a size 2?
432
00:16:10,736 --> 00:16:13,573
Okay, Henry,
this is the "Jack reacher"
433
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:14,574
portion of the evening.
434
00:16:14,574 --> 00:16:16,108
Right now,
you hate it,
435
00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:18,244
but eventually you're
gonna loosen up, and --
436
00:16:18,244 --> 00:16:19,579
have you seen
the "edge of tomorrow"?
437
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:20,139
Yes, and I walked out.
438
00:16:20,139 --> 00:16:21,113
Yes, and I walked out.
439
00:16:21,113 --> 00:16:22,281
Further, I did not like
"Jack reacher,"
440
00:16:22,281 --> 00:16:24,150
nor "vanilla sky."
Mm-hmm.
441
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,618
I was lukewarm
on "cocktail,"
442
00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:27,220
liked "tropic thunder"
in spite of him,
443
00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:29,322
and, hello, he had no business
being the last samurai!
444
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,656
Should have been
Chris hemsworth.
445
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:34,026
Who? No, no!
446
00:16:34,026 --> 00:16:37,029
All I wanted to do tonight
was to sit quietly
447
00:16:37,029 --> 00:16:39,031
and finish a documentary
on tiny houses.
448
00:16:39,031 --> 00:16:40,666
But instead,
against my better judgement,
449
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:42,201
I danced
like nobody was watching.
450
00:16:42,201 --> 00:16:45,037
But somebody was.
Julia?
451
00:16:45,037 --> 00:16:47,540
I'm not afraid to tell you,
it was a big turn-off.
452
00:16:47,540 --> 00:16:49,075
For her.
453
00:16:49,075 --> 00:16:50,139
I mean,
the crowd loved it,
454
00:16:50,139 --> 00:16:50,209
I mean,
the crowd loved it,
455
00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:54,046
and I made a friend named Wayne,
but Julia left early.
456
00:16:54,046 --> 00:16:56,015
Well, that's cool
about Wayne, huh?
457
00:16:56,015 --> 00:17:00,586
And now I come home to find,
in lieu of peace and quiet,
458
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:02,622
you have
peppered my house
459
00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:05,324
with co-workers I have
no interest in partying with!
460
00:17:05,324 --> 00:17:08,194
Team,
I think it's time to...
461
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:09,228
Clock out.
462
00:17:10,663 --> 00:17:14,567
I'll see you Monday morning...
In the real office.
463
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:15,668
Sir, let me exp--
464
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:20,139
must really be hard
to have everyone
465
00:17:20,139 --> 00:17:21,307
must really be hard
to have everyone
466
00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:22,975
want to celebrate
your birthday.
467
00:17:22,975 --> 00:17:24,977
But as someone who knows
468
00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:27,280
what it's like to spend
their birthday alone,
469
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:29,382
minus one super bitchy clown...
470
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:32,385
...I can tell you firsthand
that it sucks!
471
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:33,553
Eliza...
472
00:17:43,129 --> 00:17:48,267
You are two amazing women
with beautiful, strong calves...
473
00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:50,139
And deeply...
Adventurous souls.
474
00:17:50,139 --> 00:17:53,372
And deeply...
Adventurous souls.
475
00:17:53,372 --> 00:17:55,408
We're not having
a threesome, Larry.
Mnh-mnh.
476
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:58,144
Okay, I'm out.
477
00:17:58,144 --> 00:18:00,279
Nope. Hmm.
478
00:18:00,279 --> 00:18:02,148
Do you think Henry's gonna
forgive you?
479
00:18:02,148 --> 00:18:04,216
Um, forgive me?
Are you kidding?
480
00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:06,285
He should be
thanking me.
481
00:18:06,285 --> 00:18:08,988
Tonight was epic!
482
00:18:08,988 --> 00:18:10,389
Henry
went to a concert,
483
00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:12,325
danced with some dude
named Wayne,
484
00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:14,193
and provided
clean drinking water
485
00:18:14,193 --> 00:18:16,095
to an entire
third-world village.
486
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,264
Yeah, you're right!
487
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:19,599
And raj had a blast --
488
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:20,139
don't think
he's ever been to a party.
489
00:18:20,139 --> 00:18:21,400
don't think
he's ever been to a party.
490
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:24,370
No! And Joan
get her toner on.
491
00:18:24,370 --> 00:18:25,738
Yes.
492
00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:29,108
And Larry's having
an imaginary threesome.
493
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:30,142
Mmm.
494
00:18:30,142 --> 00:18:33,646
Let's get you into something
more comfortable, huh?
495
00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:35,181
Oops.
496
00:18:50,029 --> 00:18:50,139
Hey.
497
00:18:50,139 --> 00:18:51,364
Hey.
498
00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:54,166
Did you page
the on-call doctor?
499
00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:56,969
Thank you for making
a house call on my birthday.
500
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:59,005
Well, it's not
your birthday anymore.
501
00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:01,073
That train
has left the station.
502
00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:04,210
Next stop, aarp.
503
00:19:04,210 --> 00:19:06,379
It's a bit more
birthday joshing.
Mm.
504
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:10,182
But, seriously, folks,
uh, may I come in?
505
00:19:10,182 --> 00:19:11,384
Please.
506
00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:15,454
Uh...Take my coat,
please.
507
00:19:17,590 --> 00:19:19,759
I'm sorry.
508
00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:20,139
I've been
making an effort
509
00:19:20,139 --> 00:19:21,761
I've been
making an effort
510
00:19:21,761 --> 00:19:25,431
to be a bit more
lighthearted and humorous.
511
00:19:25,431 --> 00:19:27,433
But the truth is...
512
00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:30,069
Tonight, you pushed me outside
of my comfort zone.
513
00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:31,737
And when that happens,
514
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:37,009
I tend to become cold
and judgmental and punishing.
515
00:19:38,611 --> 00:19:41,614
Yeah, same.
516
00:19:45,117 --> 00:19:47,119
I know it's not technically
your birthday anymore
517
00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:49,155
and you're not keen
on presents...
518
00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:50,139
But I do have one gift
I would like to give you.
519
00:19:50,139 --> 00:19:52,491
But I do have one gift
I would like to give you.
520
00:20:02,268 --> 00:20:04,270
I'll be here
all night.
521
00:20:04,270 --> 00:20:06,205
Seriously, folks.
522
00:20:12,978 --> 00:20:14,146
Not to be insensitive,
but how many Wells do they need?
523
00:20:14,146 --> 00:20:15,214
I mean, can't they be happy
524
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:16,549
with the one well
that I just got them?
525
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,050
Uh-huh.
526
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:20,219
Okay, one more well.
527
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:23,989
Yes, charge the card on file.
528
00:20:23,989 --> 00:20:26,192
Charlie said
you wanted to see me.
529
00:20:26,192 --> 00:20:28,060
Yes.
530
00:20:33,199 --> 00:20:35,134
I just wanted
to express my gratitude
531
00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:37,403
for the effort
that you put forth on my behalf.
532
00:20:37,403 --> 00:20:40,376
I know your intention was
to make my big day special,
533
00:20:40,376 --> 00:20:41,073
I know your intention was
to make my big day special,
534
00:20:41,073 --> 00:20:44,043
and, in hindsight, I can
now confirm that, in fact...
535
00:20:44,043 --> 00:20:45,111
It was.
536
00:20:45,111 --> 00:20:47,146
What?
537
00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:49,448
I had fun
at the concert.
538
00:20:49,448 --> 00:20:51,984
Thank you for my party.
539
00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:53,619
I'm sorry I was mean.
540
00:20:53,619 --> 00:20:56,122
I knew you had fun.
541
00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:57,089
Because
I just told you.
542
00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:58,758
No, because
you're on Youtube.
543
00:20:58,758 --> 00:20:59,759
What?
544
00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:02,027
847 views!
545
00:21:02,027 --> 00:21:05,064
I went viral!
546
00:21:05,064 --> 00:21:07,500
Mm-hmm.
D-delete that video!
547
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:10,002
Wow.
♪ and when you're feeling openI'll still be here ♪
548
00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:10,376
You really have no idea
how the Internet works.
549
00:21:10,376 --> 00:21:12,171
You really have no idea
how the Internet works.
550
00:21:12,171 --> 00:21:14,173
♪ But not withouta certain degree of fear ♪
it...
551
00:21:14,173 --> 00:21:15,508
Delete that video!
552
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:17,676
That doesn't do anything.
It's still playing.
553
00:21:17,676 --> 00:21:19,011
No.
554
00:21:19,011 --> 00:21:21,347
This is really funny for me.
555
00:21:21,347 --> 00:21:22,982
♪ But you ♪
556
00:21:22,982 --> 00:21:25,151
You just tweeted
it everywhere.
Aah!
39066
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