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1
00:00:01,219 --> 00:00:04,304
- My relationship with my phone- is pretty serious.
2
00:00:04,304 --> 00:00:06,073
I eat...
3
00:00:07,074 --> 00:00:09,510
...sleep...
4
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,011
And breathe it.
5
00:00:15,582 --> 00:00:17,084
It keeps me level.
6
00:00:17,084 --> 00:00:20,387
But my coworker Henry believesthat being so close to my phone
7
00:00:20,387 --> 00:00:22,756
is what's keeping mefrom being close to non-phones,
8
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:25,225
like people, so I've beenmaking more of an effort to --
9
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:26,760
good morning, eliza.
10
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:29,062
Good morning, Henry.
11
00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:30,000
How are you today?
12
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:30,097
How are you today?
13
00:00:30,097 --> 00:00:31,732
I didn't really carehow he was today,
14
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:33,166
but I had learned to askanyway.
15
00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:35,068
I'm quite well.
Thank you for asking.
16
00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:37,571
I had
a, uh, protein-rich breakfast
17
00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:39,506
that I ingested outside,
in the garden.
18
00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:40,974
The weather
was quite mild.
19
00:00:40,974 --> 00:00:43,544
Watched an episode of "bones"
on the treadmill.
20
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:44,978
Then I broke out
some new bath products
21
00:00:44,978 --> 00:00:46,146
I've been meaning to try.
22
00:00:46,146 --> 00:00:47,281
Yeah,
it was Rosemary...
23
00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:49,016
Henry saysmaintaining eye contact
24
00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:50,684
makes people thinkyou're listening to them,
25
00:00:50,684 --> 00:00:52,452
even if whatyou're really thinking about
26
00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:55,122
is whether or notJay and yoncé have a pre-nup.
27
00:00:55,122 --> 00:00:56,323
What are your thoughts
on that?
28
00:00:56,323 --> 00:00:57,991
Of course
they have a pre-nup.
29
00:00:57,991 --> 00:00:59,726
There's a billion dollars
on the elevator!
30
00:00:59,726 --> 00:01:00,000
I see.
31
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,128
I see.
32
00:01:01,128 --> 00:01:02,696
Well, good job
pretending to listen.
33
00:01:02,696 --> 00:01:05,332
And why don't I
hold on to your phone
for the staff meeting?
34
00:01:05,332 --> 00:01:06,233
Sure.
35
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:08,268
Let me just, uh...
36
00:01:08,268 --> 00:01:10,003
Mmm!
37
00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:12,472
All yours.
38
00:01:12,472 --> 00:01:14,007
You could've
just said no.
39
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,713
Team,
take a look around you.
40
00:01:19,713 --> 00:01:21,481
What do you see?
41
00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:23,483
Windows?
42
00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:25,018
Todd from accounting.
43
00:01:25,018 --> 00:01:25,986
Bagels?
44
00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:28,055
Dark? Darkness?
45
00:01:28,055 --> 00:01:29,456
Endless night?
46
00:01:29,456 --> 00:01:30,000
I see a family.
47
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:31,658
I see a family.
48
00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:35,629
A publicly held children's
pharmaceutical family.
49
00:01:35,629 --> 00:01:38,165
The more connected
our family is,
50
00:01:38,165 --> 00:01:41,134
the more
our business will thrive.
51
00:01:41,134 --> 00:01:43,136
Joan is about to distro
an article
52
00:01:43,136 --> 00:01:46,173
that will show us how to
increase coworker connectivity.
53
00:01:46,173 --> 00:01:47,608
Joan?
54
00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:51,044
Sir, I think
I've got the wrong article.
55
00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:53,614
This is, uh, an interview
with Channing tatum.
56
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,415
And I know
what you're thinking --
57
00:01:55,415 --> 00:01:57,618
what does "magic Michael"
have to teach me?
58
00:01:57,618 --> 00:02:00,000
The answer, my friend,
is everything.
59
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:00,120
The answer, my friend,
is everything.
60
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,355
Uh, I-I'm sorry.
61
00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:03,357
He and his wife rate how close
they feel to one another
62
00:02:03,357 --> 00:02:04,391
on a scale of 1 to 10?
63
00:02:04,391 --> 00:02:05,659
Let's try it out.
64
00:02:05,659 --> 00:02:09,663
Larry, I want you to cup
Henry's face in your hand...
65
00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:11,231
I don't see anything
about cup--
hmm.
66
00:02:11,231 --> 00:02:12,532
...look him in the eye
67
00:02:12,532 --> 00:02:15,035
and tell him,
on a scale of 1 to 10,
68
00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:17,037
how close you feel to him
right now.
69
00:02:18,538 --> 00:02:20,107
I'm feeling a 9.
70
00:02:20,107 --> 00:02:21,975
Wally-kazam!
71
00:02:23,176 --> 00:02:25,379
Linda, how are you feeling
about raj from h.R.? Huh?
72
00:02:27,180 --> 00:02:29,016
I'll go with a 5.
73
00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:30,000
I mean,
he seems nice,
74
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,351
I mean,
he seems nice,
75
00:02:31,351 --> 00:02:33,353
but he's only been here
a few weeks.
76
00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:34,354
"Seems nice."
77
00:02:34,354 --> 00:02:36,223
That's an excellent start,
raj.
78
00:02:38,291 --> 00:02:40,293
I feel an 8 for Joan.
79
00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:42,729
She's very helpful,
80
00:02:42,729 --> 00:02:46,033
and I like that she packs
her own lunch from home,
81
00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:47,000
because I do that,
too.
82
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,001
Huzzah!
83
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:51,004
Raj sees himself in Joan.
84
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:53,106
Come on.
What more could you ask for?
85
00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:56,143
I give eliza a zero.
86
00:02:58,345 --> 00:03:00,000
But she probably won't notice,
because, as always,
87
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,581
but she probably won't notice,
because, as always,
88
00:03:01,581 --> 00:03:04,017
she's too busy
staring at her phone.
89
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:09,322
Wait. What'd I miss?
90
00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:12,192
The point, I'm afraid.
91
00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:18,598
♪ I'm looking at me ♪
92
00:03:18,598 --> 00:03:21,001
♪ hey, look, it's me ♪
93
00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:23,403
♪ not to make it all me ♪
94
00:03:23,403 --> 00:03:26,039
♪ funny thing about me ♪
95
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:30,000
♪ is while I'm looking
at me-e-e-e-e ♪
96
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:30,444
♪ is while I'm looking
at me-e-e-e-e ♪
97
00:03:30,444 --> 00:03:39,019
♪ I'm hoping to find you ♪
98
00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:40,520
What the hell was that
in there?
99
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:43,023
And what are you doing
eating lunch over a trash can?
100
00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:45,092
I digest better
standing up.
101
00:03:45,092 --> 00:03:46,393
That is
really antisocial behavior.
102
00:03:46,393 --> 00:03:48,729
Joan just gave you
a zero in that meeting.
Are you not concerned?
103
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,163
Yeah!
104
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:52,599
But Joan is never
gonna like me, so...Pfft.
105
00:03:52,599 --> 00:03:54,334
Maybe 'cause
you're always on your phone.
106
00:03:54,334 --> 00:03:55,736
Or maybe
it's because I have
107
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,971
perfectly symmetrical features
and hair like Ariel.
108
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:00,000
Or maybe it's because of
what happened with the gazpacho.
109
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,676
Or maybe it's because of
what happened with the gazpacho.
110
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,245
What happened
with the gazpacho?
111
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,713
Uh...
112
00:04:06,713 --> 00:04:09,182
I'd just come from anearly-morning soulcycle class
113
00:04:09,182 --> 00:04:11,118
and forgottento eat breakfast,
114
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:13,186
so when I got to the office,it hit me --
115
00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:18,258
i was really, really, really,super-super-duper hunggs.
116
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,659
"Hunggs"?
117
00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:21,528
As in, like, famished.
118
00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:24,064
So I was about to legit pourmyself a bowl of banana peppers
119
00:04:24,064 --> 00:04:25,432
when I spotted it.
120
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:28,568
Mmm.
121
00:04:38,645 --> 00:04:40,013
Mm!
122
00:04:40,013 --> 00:04:41,248
don't tell Joan.
123
00:04:41,248 --> 00:04:43,250
I am Joan.
124
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:48,054
Eliza, Joan is Sam saperstein's
right-hand woman.
125
00:04:48,054 --> 00:04:49,990
She wields a lot of power
at this company.
126
00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:51,491
You should know
who she is.
127
00:04:51,491 --> 00:04:53,093
And you should not eat
her gazpacho
128
00:04:53,093 --> 00:04:55,228
or any of her
carefully labeled foodstuffs.
129
00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:58,665
Okay. Okay.
130
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:03,370
Your next assignment
is to befriend Joan.
131
00:05:03,370 --> 00:05:06,006
I'm telling you --
it'll never work.
132
00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:07,574
Joan is a miraclesuit,
133
00:05:07,574 --> 00:05:11,244
and I am a monokini with
side-boob and hipbone cutouts.
134
00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:12,979
We're complete opposites.
135
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:14,347
Same could be said
of me and Larry.
136
00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:16,183
But...
137
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:17,417
Larry's not a monokini.
138
00:05:17,417 --> 00:05:19,085
No, in this scenario,
i am the monokini.
139
00:05:19,085 --> 00:05:20,420
No, you would be
140
00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:22,489
one of those old-timey
long-sleeved bathing costumes.
141
00:05:22,489 --> 00:05:23,590
My differences with Larry
142
00:05:23,590 --> 00:05:25,058
don't prevent me
from connecting with him.
143
00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:26,092
Observe.
144
00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:27,227
Larry.
145
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:29,229
Hiya, Henry.
Hey, hey, smells good.
146
00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:30,000
Yeah, chili and cheese.
I love it.
147
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,064
Yeah, chili and cheese.
I love it.
148
00:05:31,064 --> 00:05:32,365
Yeah.
How's the wife?
149
00:05:32,365 --> 00:05:35,035
Oh, difficult. But I knew that
when I married her.
150
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,172
The old ball and chain.
151
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,207
Oh, you're telling me.
152
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:42,042
It is what it is.
153
00:05:42,042 --> 00:05:43,009
Yeah.
154
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,311
Well, catch you later.
155
00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:46,046
See you, bud.
156
00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:48,582
Now you try it
with Joan.
157
00:05:48,582 --> 00:05:49,583
Ugh!
158
00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:51,084
Okay, fine.
159
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:52,519
Hey, Joan.
160
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,354
How's the sandwich?
161
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:55,555
I wouldn't know.
162
00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:57,424
Someone stole my sandwich,
took two bites,
163
00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:58,692
and threw it
in the trash.
164
00:06:00,193 --> 00:06:01,061
Sucks.
165
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,162
Like your husband.
166
00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:03,263
Am I right?
167
00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:05,498
The old ball and...
168
00:06:05,498 --> 00:06:06,666
Penis.
169
00:06:17,131 --> 00:06:19,679
But I did what you did.
No, you did not.
170
00:06:19,679 --> 00:06:21,982
I did not reference Larry's
wife's genitals. I did not.
171
00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:23,750
I took my cues
from Larry,
172
00:06:23,750 --> 00:06:25,752
whereas you were
completely tone-deaf.
173
00:06:25,752 --> 00:06:26,753
Oh, well.
174
00:06:26,753 --> 00:06:28,054
No, not "oh, well."
175
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:30,457
Try again.
Do your research.
176
00:06:30,457 --> 00:06:31,992
If you want to connect
with Joan,
177
00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:33,426
find out
what her interests are.
178
00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:35,362
Who she be with!
179
00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:38,265
Never mind.
180
00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:39,633
I can do this.
181
00:06:39,633 --> 00:06:42,168
After all, cybersleuthing iskind of my forte.
182
00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:44,704
And if I can find out the truelength of ceelo's arms,
183
00:06:44,704 --> 00:06:45,709
i can def find outsome dirt on Joan.
184
00:06:45,709 --> 00:06:47,107
I can def find outsome dirt on Joan.
185
00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:49,142
Charmonique, help.
186
00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:51,278
I spent the whole night
trying to get to know Joan,
187
00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:52,579
but she's
an Internet ghost.
188
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:55,148
Mm.
I went to MySpace and back
and got Jack.
189
00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:56,750
Apparently,
she's Facebook-free,
190
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,652
a Twitter-quitter,
insta-invisible.
191
00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:01,154
I'm telling you,
it's like...
192
00:07:01,154 --> 00:07:03,290
It's just like
Joan doesn't even exist.
193
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:06,059
Baby girl, you are looking
in all the wrong places.
194
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:08,028
Joan doesn't do
social media.
195
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:11,031
But she is
all up on yelp.
196
00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:12,198
Mm-hmm.
197
00:07:12,198 --> 00:07:14,968
In fact,
she's a super reviewer.
198
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:15,709
Oh, my god!
This is crazy.
199
00:07:15,709 --> 00:07:17,270
Oh, my god!
This is crazy.
200
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,172
There are
thousands of reviews here.
201
00:07:19,172 --> 00:07:22,108
Wow, she really has it in for
the simi valley galleria...
202
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,076
Mm.
203
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:25,979
..."whose food court
is sorely lacking a wetzel's."
204
00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:28,481
Those mini dog-bites,
though!
205
00:07:28,481 --> 00:07:29,616
Mm-hmm. Ooh!
206
00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,351
But look --
five stars for miss Mandy's
207
00:07:31,351 --> 00:07:34,087
Friday-night "straight up
now tone me" cardio class.
208
00:07:34,087 --> 00:07:35,255
"I never miss it."
209
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:37,057
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
210
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:38,058
That old white ladies
211
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:40,193
need to stop
co-opting a sister's skills
212
00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:43,096
in a futile attempt to turn
their Caucasian non-booties
213
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:44,297
into juicy doubles?
214
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,665
Yes.
215
00:07:45,665 --> 00:07:45,709
But also, it's Friday.
216
00:07:45,709 --> 00:07:47,701
But also, it's Friday.
217
00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:49,336
I'm gonna
take that class!
218
00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:51,037
Mm-hmm.
219
00:07:56,376 --> 00:07:57,410
Oh, my!
220
00:07:57,410 --> 00:07:59,746
I'm s--
Larry, I'm so sorry!
221
00:07:59,746 --> 00:08:01,114
You scared me.
222
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:03,016
Hot tea
can't hurt me now.
223
00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:05,151
Ah. Actually, it can.
Oh.
224
00:08:05,151 --> 00:08:06,453
But not as much
as what Nancy did.
225
00:08:06,453 --> 00:08:07,287
Nancy?
226
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:08,355
The old ball and chain.
227
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:09,589
She ended it.
228
00:08:09,589 --> 00:08:11,391
It's over.
229
00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:12,525
No. What happened?
230
00:08:14,561 --> 00:08:15,709
I'm going
to the chiropractor.
231
00:08:15,709 --> 00:08:16,129
I'm going
to the chiropractor.
232
00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:17,163
Okay.
233
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:19,399
Unbelievable.
234
00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:22,369
Well, I'm sorry, Nancy,
but what's the correct response
235
00:08:22,369 --> 00:08:24,404
to "I'm going
to the chiropractor"?
236
00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:26,239
Should I hire
a marching band?
237
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:29,109
You really
called that one, huh?
I did?
238
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:31,678
"It is what it is."
I mean, you were spot-on.
239
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,580
But that's just a phrase.
It doesn't mean anything.
240
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:35,281
But we're both bachelors now,
Juan Pablo.
241
00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:36,716
I don't know who that is.
242
00:08:36,716 --> 00:08:39,019
Should we hit the nudie bars?
The dog track? Head to t.J.?
243
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:41,321
Oh! Oh, oh! Do you want
to "wolf of wall street" it?
244
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:43,089
I have a fully stocked lab
downstairs.
245
00:08:43,089 --> 00:08:44,391
We could freebase
some infant aspirin
246
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:45,592
and then
go kill a drifter!
247
00:08:45,592 --> 00:08:45,709
Let me see how
the rest of my day is looking.
248
00:08:45,709 --> 00:08:47,994
Let me see how
the rest of my day is looking.
249
00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:49,596
Let me get back to you.
I promise --
250
00:08:49,596 --> 00:08:51,998
uh, you have a call
at 1:45
251
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:55,001
that you could probably take
in the car on the way to t.J.
252
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,304
Thanks, Charlie.
253
00:09:01,608 --> 00:09:03,076
Never love, Charlie.
254
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:05,111
Uh, I won't.
255
00:09:06,513 --> 00:09:09,149
Armed with everythingi learned on yelp,
256
00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,151
i hit Joan's dance classto see if I could increase
257
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:15,121
my heart rate
and my approval rating.
258
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:15,709
Joan? Holy crap.
259
00:09:15,709 --> 00:09:16,289
Joan? Holy crap.
260
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:19,059
Bitch-slap me all over
my whole, entire face.
261
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:21,528
I cannot believe
you go to this class.
262
00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:23,029
I can't believe
you go to this class.
263
00:09:23,029 --> 00:09:24,197
Are you kidding?
264
00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:25,665
I love the crap out of
265
00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:27,467
"straight up
now tone me" cardio.
266
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:29,102
That's how
I keep it so tight.
267
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:30,503
I've never seen you here
before.
268
00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:31,671
That is because
269
00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:33,540
I usually go
to Mandy's Saturday class...?
270
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:35,375
Uh, hey, thottie!
271
00:09:38,344 --> 00:09:40,180
So glad
I made it on time.
272
00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:42,348
I stopped to get gas
at the, um,
273
00:09:42,348 --> 00:09:45,518
the west Adams
chevron station.
274
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:45,709
That's the best one
in los Angeles.
275
00:09:45,709 --> 00:09:47,253
That's the best one
in los Angeles.
276
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:48,988
I know -- it's right off the 10,
8 cents cheaper than inland,
277
00:09:48,988 --> 00:09:49,989
plus their additives --
278
00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:51,091
I feel
the exact same way.
279
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,026
I find the west Adams location
never crowded
280
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:54,294
and their mini-mart
well-appointed.
281
00:09:54,294 --> 00:09:55,662
Now, I will say
that sometimes...
282
00:09:55,662 --> 00:09:57,163
The numbers
on pump 7's keypad stick?
283
00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:59,299
Yes, but if you...
Ask Rodriguez,
the branch manager --
284
00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:00,700
he will...
Wipe them down for you,
285
00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:02,102
and that
should alleviate the problem!
286
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:03,403
All right, ladies...
287
00:10:03,403 --> 00:10:05,271
Joan had warmed upduring the warm-up,
288
00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:07,207
but now we were heading intomore complicated choreography.
289
00:10:08,708 --> 00:10:11,144
And 5, 6, 7, here we go!
290
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:15,148
♪ Lost in a dream ♪
291
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:15,709
♪ i don't know which way to go ♪
292
00:10:15,709 --> 00:10:20,153
♪ i don't know which way to go ♪
293
00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:26,092
♪ let me sayif you are all that you seem ♪
294
00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:27,660
♪ straight up, now, tell me ♪
295
00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:30,597
♪ do you really wantto love me forever? ♪
296
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:32,065
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
297
00:10:32,065 --> 00:10:35,034
♪ or am I caughtin a hit-and-run? ♪
298
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:37,637
♪ Straight up, now, tell me ♪
299
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:40,106
♪ is it gonna beyou and me together? ♪
300
00:10:40,106 --> 00:10:41,508
♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪
301
00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:44,077
♪ or are you just having fun? ♪
302
00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:45,709
Henry.
303
00:10:45,709 --> 00:10:46,346
Henry.
304
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:49,315
Thank you for,
uh, meeting with me...
305
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:50,683
In secret.
306
00:10:50,683 --> 00:10:51,684
Yes, sir.
307
00:10:51,684 --> 00:10:54,053
I firmly believe
our corporate family
308
00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:57,023
has a responsibility
to look out for one another,
309
00:10:57,023 --> 00:10:59,359
and I'm worried --
about Larry.
310
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:02,162
I am, too, sir.
Uh --
311
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,464
and I know how close
the two of you are.
312
00:11:04,464 --> 00:11:06,266
I wouldn't characterize us
as, uh --
313
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:09,569
he did give you a 9
on the tatum/dewan-tatum scale.
314
00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:11,037
Yes, but --
315
00:11:11,037 --> 00:11:14,207
and I'm told the two of you
microwave burritos together.
316
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:15,709
N-no. One time, I stood near him
while he microwaved a burrito.
317
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:17,443
N-no. One time, I stood near him
while he microwaved a burrito.
318
00:11:17,443 --> 00:11:18,711
One time.
319
00:11:18,711 --> 00:11:20,713
Then you should have no problem
standing by him
320
00:11:20,713 --> 00:11:21,981
during
this troubling time.
321
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:27,187
His wife has left him,
Henry.
322
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:31,357
He's gonna need his bestie
now more than ever.
323
00:11:31,357 --> 00:11:32,592
Uh...
324
00:11:32,592 --> 00:11:34,527
So, what is it that
you would like me to do, sir?
325
00:11:34,527 --> 00:11:37,530
It's more what I don't
want you to do.
326
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,165
don't...
327
00:11:39,165 --> 00:11:42,168
Not be there for him.
328
00:11:43,736 --> 00:11:45,709
So...Be there for him.
329
00:11:45,709 --> 00:11:46,206
So...Be there for him.
330
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:49,509
And if he has
nowhere to go...
331
00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:51,678
don't not
let him stay with you.
332
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:55,081
So let him stay with me?
333
00:11:56,082 --> 00:11:57,984
That's a great idea.
334
00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:00,053
Very generous.
335
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,021
Oh, thank you.
336
00:12:02,021 --> 00:12:03,590
Man, you smell good.
337
00:12:09,547 --> 00:12:11,531
Joan! Joan!
338
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:13,032
Wait.
339
00:12:13,032 --> 00:12:14,234
You tore it up
in there!
340
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,135
Your footwork during
the breakdown was on point.
341
00:12:16,135 --> 00:12:17,470
Thanks.
342
00:12:17,470 --> 00:12:18,972
You...
343
00:12:18,972 --> 00:12:20,139
Showed a lot of spirit.
344
00:12:20,139 --> 00:12:21,107
Thank you.
345
00:12:21,107 --> 00:12:22,675
You know,
I think Channing tatum
346
00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:24,210
would be proud of us
right now.
347
00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:26,145
Oh. R-right.
348
00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:29,415
Listen, Joan,
I know on several occasions,
349
00:12:29,415 --> 00:12:32,018
I've accidentally eaten
your belongings.
350
00:12:32,018 --> 00:12:35,088
Those weren't accidents.
I label all my food.
351
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:37,123
It was
blatant disregard.
352
00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:38,061
Exactly.
353
00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:38,491
Exactly.
354
00:12:38,491 --> 00:12:41,327
So let me make it up to you
by buying you dinner.
355
00:12:41,327 --> 00:12:44,163
Joan was on the fence,but I won her over with a...
356
00:12:44,163 --> 00:12:45,732
Please? Please?
A-please-please?
357
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:50,637
Gracias, Juan Pablo.
358
00:12:50,637 --> 00:12:53,006
Larry, I really wish
you'd stop calling me that.
359
00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:55,141
H-hey, it's not jammie-time
already, is it?
360
00:12:55,141 --> 00:12:58,011
I don't remember ordering
the early-bird special.
361
00:12:58,011 --> 00:12:59,145
Larry --
362
00:12:59,145 --> 00:13:00,513
look, look.
I'm wearing my party shirt.
363
00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:02,415
Let's hit the bars,
have some drinks...
364
00:13:02,415 --> 00:13:04,083
Find some sisters.
365
00:13:04,083 --> 00:13:05,318
I'll take the ugly one.
366
00:13:05,318 --> 00:13:08,061
Really appreciate the offer,
but I've had a long day.
367
00:13:08,061 --> 00:13:08,121
Really appreciate the offer,
but I've had a long day.
368
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,056
I need to get some rest.
So do you.
369
00:13:10,056 --> 00:13:11,724
Good night, okay?
370
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,226
Ooh. I almost forgot.
371
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:15,028
don't use the toilet
in the guest bath--
372
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:17,563
she doesn't know...
373
00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:20,600
How much...I need her.
374
00:13:23,403 --> 00:13:24,971
I know.
375
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,041
But you did hear me say
376
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:30,310
not to use the toilet
in the guest bathroom, right?
377
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:35,048
Look, Larry,
I'm a very solitary person,
378
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:37,116
and you...
Clearly, are not.
379
00:13:37,116 --> 00:13:38,061
Are you sure you don't want
to try to make a run
380
00:13:38,061 --> 00:13:39,118
are you sure you don't want
to try to make a run
381
00:13:39,118 --> 00:13:40,320
at getting Nancy back?
382
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,689
Maybe if you made
some big, romantic gesture...
383
00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:45,458
You mean
like a flash mob?
384
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:47,060
That's not
where my mind went, no.
385
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:48,361
Most women
consider the flash mob
386
00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:50,730
to be the most romantic gesture
a man can make --
387
00:13:50,730 --> 00:13:53,232
second only to a surprise
proposal on a jumbotron.
388
00:13:53,232 --> 00:13:55,101
Well, it sounds like
you've done your research.
389
00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:57,570
And I'm glad
you're being proactive.
390
00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:58,404
Yeah.
391
00:13:58,404 --> 00:14:00,039
Well,
let's get some rest.
392
00:14:00,039 --> 00:14:01,708
Good night.
393
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,444
I don't know
if we can sleep.
394
00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:06,446
We have
so much planning to do.
395
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:07,747
Do you happen to own
a tear-away suit?
396
00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:08,061
You know what?
397
00:14:08,061 --> 00:14:09,048
You know what?
398
00:14:09,048 --> 00:14:11,117
don't bother yourself.
I'll look.
399
00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:14,053
Larry, I have a seasonal system
with my wardrobe.
400
00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:17,690
The linens and the tweeds
cannot be mixed --
401
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:18,725
hello?
402
00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:20,660
Henry, guess where I am
right now.
403
00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:22,095
Eliza,
this is not a good time.
404
00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:23,396
Just guess! Guess!
405
00:14:23,396 --> 00:14:24,697
I'm not in the mood
to play games.
406
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,265
But I'm about to make
some serious progress
407
00:14:26,265 --> 00:14:27,633
on the assignment
you gave me.
408
00:14:27,633 --> 00:14:30,436
I'm outside Joan's house.
She's inside with her husband.
409
00:14:30,436 --> 00:14:32,739
Did they see you?
Just drive away. Drive away!
410
00:14:32,739 --> 00:14:35,208
No, Henry.
She invited me.
411
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,977
The research worked.
I think she likes me.
412
00:14:37,977 --> 00:14:38,061
I just picked up pizza
for the three of us to eat.
413
00:14:38,061 --> 00:14:40,213
I just picked up pizza
for the three of us to eat.
414
00:14:40,213 --> 00:14:42,982
Oh, my god! It's a pizza party!
We're having a pizza party.
415
00:14:42,982 --> 00:14:44,751
J. Pabs,
do you have any scissors?
416
00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:46,018
Ahh!
417
00:14:46,018 --> 00:14:47,687
Never mind.
418
00:14:47,687 --> 00:14:49,555
I have to hang up now.
419
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:53,459
Oh, goody.
Is that the pizza?
420
00:14:53,459 --> 00:14:56,362
White pizza from geppetto's --
that's our favorite.
421
00:14:56,362 --> 00:14:59,165
Geppetto's is the only
white pizza in los Angeles
that travels well.
422
00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:01,667
Sunset magazine voted it
"worth the trip."
423
00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:03,269
I tend to agree.
424
00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:07,306
Wait! No! Scott!
don't eat that! It has oregano!
425
00:15:08,374 --> 00:15:09,442
Joan?
426
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:11,277
Scott's allergic to oregano,
isn't he?
427
00:15:11,277 --> 00:15:13,079
He certainly is.
428
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:14,080
Scott?
429
00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:16,616
How did you know that?
430
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:18,184
Well, I thought --
I thought I-I remembered --
431
00:15:18,184 --> 00:15:20,153
she's saying
"Scott's allergic to oregano."
432
00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:21,454
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on.
433
00:15:23,122 --> 00:15:24,323
What's directly
across the street
434
00:15:24,323 --> 00:15:25,992
from the west Adams
chevron station?
435
00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:28,161
U-um...
436
00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:29,162
Answer!
437
00:15:30,329 --> 00:15:31,464
7-Eleven.
438
00:15:31,464 --> 00:15:34,000
Wrong. It's been an empty lot
for years.
439
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,168
Oh, dear god.
440
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:37,570
She's been
yelp-stalking me.
441
00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:38,061
That's how she found about
Mandy's class and geppetto's.
442
00:15:38,061 --> 00:15:40,039
That's how she found about
Mandy's class and geppetto's.
443
00:15:40,039 --> 00:15:43,543
I don't think
that I can even finish this.
444
00:15:45,011 --> 00:15:46,078
I can.
445
00:15:46,078 --> 00:15:48,214
That pizza
is topped with lies.
446
00:15:48,214 --> 00:15:49,115
But not oregano.
447
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:54,153
I'm sorry.
448
00:15:54,153 --> 00:15:56,289
I'm sorry. I was just trying
to get to know you.
449
00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:04,230
For what it's worth,
I feel really bad.
450
00:16:04,230 --> 00:16:06,766
I feel worse
than the night Aaliyah died.
451
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:08,061
Aaliyah died?
452
00:16:08,061 --> 00:16:09,569
Aaliyah died?
453
00:16:17,243 --> 00:16:18,411
Morning, charmonique.
454
00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:20,546
Why are you wearing
a breakaway suit?
455
00:16:21,514 --> 00:16:22,615
What?
456
00:16:22,615 --> 00:16:24,217
I can tell
you're wearing a breakaway suit.
457
00:16:24,217 --> 00:16:25,218
I'm asking why.
458
00:16:26,552 --> 00:16:28,054
Can you keep a secret?
459
00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:30,623
Please don't tell me you're
doing a flash mob with Larry.
460
00:16:30,623 --> 00:16:31,991
How did you know that?
461
00:16:31,991 --> 00:16:33,159
Do you have any idea
462
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,660
how many flash mobs
Larry is responsible for?
463
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:36,162
What?
464
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:38,061
Half of the flash mobs on
the Internet are Larry-related.
465
00:16:38,061 --> 00:16:39,198
Half of the flash mobs on
the Internet are Larry-related.
466
00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:42,168
And it better not be for Nancy,
because she hates them.
467
00:16:42,168 --> 00:16:43,169
See?
468
00:16:44,237 --> 00:16:45,671
Oh, god.
469
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,673
Look. This one's
from their anniversary.
470
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,509
This one's
on her birthday.
471
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:50,643
Ohhh.
472
00:16:50,643 --> 00:16:53,679
And this one --
he catches Nancy off guard,
473
00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:55,648
she slips,
throws her back out.
474
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:57,583
Larry thinks a flash mob
is gonna get his wife back.
475
00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:58,584
Nope.
476
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:00,119
This is
just another indication
477
00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:03,489
that he doesn't listen to Nancy
or care about what she wants.
478
00:17:03,489 --> 00:17:06,125
I'm gonna be stuck with him
forever.
479
00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:07,326
Mm-hmm.
480
00:17:07,326 --> 00:17:08,061
Oh, my...God.
481
00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:08,494
Oh, my...God.
482
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:11,764
I feel sick.
483
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:17,236
Charlie!
484
00:17:17,236 --> 00:17:20,039
Find Larry.
The flash mob is off.
485
00:17:20,039 --> 00:17:21,007
But --
but what?
486
00:17:21,007 --> 00:17:22,408
I'll never
get to do this.
487
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,248
Clean all this up.
488
00:17:32,518 --> 00:17:35,621
First find Larry,
then clean all this up.
489
00:17:35,621 --> 00:17:37,423
Okay.
490
00:17:41,494 --> 00:17:43,262
I blew it.
491
00:17:43,262 --> 00:17:47,033
It was going so well,
and then I messed it all up.
492
00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:49,035
Wait --
w-w-what are you talking about?
493
00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:49,969
Joan.
494
00:17:49,969 --> 00:17:52,138
I told you
it wouldn't work.
495
00:17:52,138 --> 00:17:54,073
Well,
you said it yourself --
496
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,175
she's a miraclesuit
and you are a monokini.
497
00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:58,144
But the women in this office
love miraclesuits.
498
00:17:58,144 --> 00:18:00,613
And they don't love me
because I'm a synthetic monokini
499
00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:02,582
made in a factory
by a sweatshop baby.
500
00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,050
No offense
to your family.
501
00:18:04,050 --> 00:18:08,061
My family owns a buca di beppo,
but...Still offended.
502
00:18:08,061 --> 00:18:08,120
My family owns a buca di beppo,
but...Still offended.
503
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:11,023
The -- the truth
of the matter is...
504
00:18:11,023 --> 00:18:12,992
I'm no better at office
friendships than you are.
505
00:18:12,992 --> 00:18:15,995
You? The great
Henry the great?
506
00:18:17,229 --> 00:18:19,298
Listen, I made it seem like
I was friends with Larry,
507
00:18:19,298 --> 00:18:23,135
when the truth is, I can't
spend 24 hours with that guy.
508
00:18:23,135 --> 00:18:25,004
And what he did to that drifter
was wrong.
509
00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:26,706
What did he do
to the drifter?
510
00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:28,107
And the only reason
that I agreed
511
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:31,310
to wear three breakaway suits
to the office today...
512
00:18:31,310 --> 00:18:34,180
Is that I thought it would
help me get rid of Larry,
513
00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:35,314
who I have learned
514
00:18:35,314 --> 00:18:37,717
is the most annoying person
on planet earth.
515
00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:38,061
Hi, Larry.
516
00:18:38,061 --> 00:18:38,651
Hi, Larry.
517
00:18:38,651 --> 00:18:40,653
God.
518
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:41,687
Really?
519
00:18:41,687 --> 00:18:43,990
You know something,
Henry?
520
00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:47,059
I feel a zero for you
right now.
521
00:18:47,059 --> 00:18:48,060
A zero.
522
00:18:48,060 --> 00:18:50,229
Hey.
523
00:18:50,229 --> 00:18:52,098
You got the same as me.
524
00:18:57,770 --> 00:19:00,539
Look, Larry,
I-I'm sorry I lost my cool.
525
00:19:00,539 --> 00:19:02,375
I guess I'm overtired
from not sleeping,
526
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:03,643
cutting all my suits
in half,
527
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:05,277
trying to learn
dance choreography,
528
00:19:05,277 --> 00:19:06,712
and plunging
my guest bathroom,
529
00:19:06,712 --> 00:19:08,547
which I specifically
asked you not to use.
530
00:19:08,547 --> 00:19:10,316
But please believe me
when I tell you --
531
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,284
the flash mob
is a bad idea.
532
00:19:12,284 --> 00:19:14,320
If you want
to get your wife back,
533
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:16,522
it doesn't require
a '90s dance track.
534
00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:22,361
A smaller gesture
would mean more.
535
00:19:30,236 --> 00:19:32,338
Uh, Henry would like to see you
in his office.
536
00:19:32,338 --> 00:19:33,973
Mm-hmm.
537
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:41,047
Since it seems
you're still determined
538
00:19:41,047 --> 00:19:42,982
to eat lunch
over a trash can,
539
00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:44,183
I had Charlie
buy you that.
540
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:47,153
I kept the receipt.
They had other designs.
541
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,488
It's cute.
542
00:19:49,488 --> 00:19:51,123
Go ahead.
Try it out.
543
00:19:58,264 --> 00:20:00,132
It works. I like it.
544
00:20:00,132 --> 00:20:01,067
Good job, Charlie.
545
00:20:01,067 --> 00:20:02,468
Thanks.
546
00:20:09,208 --> 00:20:11,544
Is this your way of trying
to get me to eat with you?
547
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:12,745
Not with me -- near me.
548
00:20:12,745 --> 00:20:14,346
I know how important it is
for your digestion
549
00:20:14,346 --> 00:20:15,381
to eat standing up.
550
00:20:17,283 --> 00:20:19,185
Actually...
551
00:20:19,185 --> 00:20:21,120
That's just
an excuse I use
552
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:24,390
because growing up, no one ever
wanted to sit with me at lunch.
553
00:20:26,158 --> 00:20:26,302
Now I'm just
kind of used to it.
554
00:20:26,302 --> 00:20:27,526
Now I'm just
kind of used to it.
555
00:20:28,427 --> 00:20:29,562
Well, in that case...
556
00:20:35,401 --> 00:20:36,435
Is this seat taken?
557
00:20:36,435 --> 00:20:38,604
♪ Well, I had a dream... ♪
558
00:20:38,604 --> 00:20:41,173
When a friendship is real,you can feel it.
559
00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:42,608
And no disrespectto Channing tatum,
560
00:20:42,608 --> 00:20:44,376
but it probablydoesn't need to be rated
561
00:20:44,376 --> 00:20:46,112
on a scale of 1 to 10.
562
00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:48,147
Althoughif I were going to...
563
00:20:48,147 --> 00:20:49,148
6.
564
00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:51,083
4.7.
565
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:53,986
Which rounds up to a 5.
566
00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:56,302
Maybe we didn't suck atoffice friendships after all.
567
00:20:56,302 --> 00:20:57,356
Maybe we didn't suck atoffice friendships after all.
568
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:01,293
So, where do you want
to eat dinner?
569
00:21:01,293 --> 00:21:02,394
Your call.
570
00:21:02,394 --> 00:21:04,163
Hmm.
571
00:21:04,163 --> 00:21:05,765
♪ Please don't go ♪
572
00:21:05,765 --> 00:21:08,000
♪ please don't go ♪
573
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,635
♪ please don't go ♪
574
00:21:09,635 --> 00:21:11,003
♪ please don't go ♪
575
00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:13,606
♪ babe, I love you so ♪
576
00:21:15,207 --> 00:21:16,242
Raj, I canceled!
577
00:21:16,242 --> 00:21:18,444
I-I swear, I canceled.
578
00:21:18,444 --> 00:21:21,147
♪ That I'm gonna missyour love ♪
39072
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