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1
00:00:01,516 --> 00:00:04,571
Social media canbe confusing if you'resuper old and dumb.
2
00:00:06,206 --> 00:00:07,508
Why did you just favorite
that tweet? She called you ugly.
3
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:08,642
Because she's a hater.
4
00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:10,043
I love my haters.
They make me famous.
5
00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:11,645
You're not famous.
6
00:00:11,645 --> 00:00:12,980
I am
in the twitterverse.
7
00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:14,147
I see.
And your favorite thing
8
00:00:14,147 --> 00:00:15,516
is when people
insult your looks?
9
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,050
Well, it's not
my favorite thing.
10
00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:18,685
Yet,
you're favorited it.
11
00:00:18,685 --> 00:00:21,021
Favoriting an insult is a way
of showing it doesn't hurt you.
12
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,723
But it should hurt you.
13
00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:25,192
And maybe if I was still ugly,
it would.
14
00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:27,628
Having haters online
means that you made it.
15
00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:30,000
Okay, but having haters
in real life means that
people hate you.
16
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:30,531
Okay, but having haters
in real life means that
people hate you.
17
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:33,600
♪ Girls chase boys
chase girls ♪
18
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:36,003
♪ I'm looking at me ♪
19
00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:38,539
♪ hey, look, it's me ♪
20
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:41,008
♪ not to make it all me ♪
21
00:00:41,008 --> 00:00:43,343
♪ funny thing about me ♪
22
00:00:43,343 --> 00:00:48,081
♪ is while I'm looking
at me-e-e ♪
23
00:00:48,081 --> 00:00:51,051
♪ I'm hoping to find you ♪
24
00:00:54,988 --> 00:00:57,090
I'm sorry, but did you see
what she was wearing?
25
00:00:57,090 --> 00:00:59,459
I have cotton briefs
that cover more.
26
00:00:59,459 --> 00:01:00,000
I can't believe h.R.
Hasn't cited her
27
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,194
I can't believe h.R.
Hasn't cited her
28
00:01:01,194 --> 00:01:03,530
for inappropriate
office attire.
29
00:01:03,530 --> 00:01:05,098
Please -- she's probably
slept with everyone in h.R.
30
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,402
How do you think she got to be
the number-one sales rep?
31
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,070
You're killing me!
32
00:01:11,171 --> 00:01:13,006
Can't be that funny.
33
00:01:13,006 --> 00:01:14,608
It's like, "hey, there,
sweet potato. I'm on to you.
34
00:01:14,608 --> 00:01:15,976
"You're not a French fry,
35
00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:16,677
stop showing up
with my burger."
36
00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:20,614
You're hilarious.
You should be president.
37
00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:24,551
Eliza, may I speak with you
for a moment in my office?
38
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,662
Charlie, hold my calls.
Uh, no one called.
39
00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:37,164
Good.
Let's keep it that way.
40
00:01:37,164 --> 00:01:40,133
I can't control
who calls the office.
41
00:01:40,133 --> 00:01:43,003
Charlie, I beg.
42
00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:45,539
Okay.
43
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:46,473
Okay.
44
00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:53,246
What do you think
you were doing out there
45
00:01:53,246 --> 00:01:54,615
with that guy
from business affairs?
46
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:55,749
What --
47
00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:57,084
guys like it
when you laugh at their jokes
48
00:01:57,084 --> 00:01:58,452
and make them
feel powerful.
49
00:01:58,452 --> 00:01:59,620
President -- like that guy
could be president.
50
00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:00,000
You're right.
Oh, god, you're so smart.
51
00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:01,722
You're right.
Oh, god, you're so smart.
52
00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:04,324
You know, you should be
on the supreme court.
53
00:02:04,324 --> 00:02:06,693
Well, I do consider myself
fair and impart--
54
00:02:06,693 --> 00:02:08,662
that is not
gonna work on me.
55
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:10,631
And while we're at it, do you
think that these tight tights
56
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,633
and those short shorts
and those high high heels
57
00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:14,067
are appropriate
office attire?
58
00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:16,169
You sound like Joan
and the fuggalos.
59
00:02:16,169 --> 00:02:17,971
Eliza,
this isn't the twitterverse.
60
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:20,140
You have to think about how you
are perceived in this office.
61
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,042
No, I have to think
about how I'm perceived
62
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,610
outside this office,
which is hot,
63
00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:26,079
which is what helps me sell
drugs to repressed, old doctors,
64
00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:28,115
which is how I got to be
the number-one sales rep.
65
00:02:28,115 --> 00:02:29,683
Well, people are gonna get
the wrong impression.
66
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:30,000
When you dress like this
and you act like this...
67
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,518
When you dress like this
and you act like this...
68
00:02:32,653 --> 00:02:34,121
...people are gonna assume
69
00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:36,189
that you're sleeping
with president sweet potato.
70
00:02:36,189 --> 00:02:37,658
I am
sleeping with him.
71
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,259
I sleep with him
all the time.
72
00:02:39,259 --> 00:02:41,995
Since when?
73
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,730
Let me check.
74
00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:45,132
Oh, here.
75
00:02:45,132 --> 00:02:47,067
First text from Freddy --
"you are hotter
76
00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:50,103
than the bottom of my laptop" --
2 1/2 weeks ago.
77
00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:52,205
2 -- 2 1/2 weeks ago,
and you're already intimate?
78
00:02:52,205 --> 00:02:53,473
"Intimate"?
79
00:02:53,473 --> 00:02:56,143
Is that
how old people say "sex"?
80
00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:58,345
No. Yes.
81
00:02:58,345 --> 00:03:00,000
Eliza, this is
your second office relationship
82
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:00,447
eliza, this is
your second office relationship
83
00:03:00,447 --> 00:03:02,282
in the short time
that I've known you.
84
00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:04,384
And I use the word
"relationship" very loosely.
85
00:03:04,384 --> 00:03:06,219
Okay, don't get
all slut-shamey on me
86
00:03:06,219 --> 00:03:07,654
just 'cause you don't get
my generation.
87
00:03:07,654 --> 00:03:09,556
It just so happens
we're a lot more cas about sex
88
00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:11,625
than you baby boomers.
89
00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:14,294
I'm not a --
I'm not a baby boomer.
90
00:03:14,294 --> 00:03:16,163
Yes, you are.
91
00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:18,098
I fall squarely within the
parameters of generation "x,"
92
00:03:18,098 --> 00:03:19,666
thank you very much.
93
00:03:19,666 --> 00:03:21,168
But, Henry,
this is one area
94
00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:23,370
where I'm not sure
you should be advising me --
95
00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:26,273
I mean, you're so out of touch,
you're not even on Facebook.
96
00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:28,508
Hey,
I'd rather be out of touch
97
00:03:28,508 --> 00:03:30,000
than touching everything
that walks.
98
00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:31,144
Than touching everything
that walks.
99
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:38,618
See?
100
00:03:38,618 --> 00:03:40,687
It hurts when girls
don't laugh at your jokes.
101
00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:43,990
Eliza,
you -- you asked me
102
00:03:43,990 --> 00:03:46,560
to help you cultivate
meaningful relationships.
103
00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:48,595
Is that what you think
you're doing with Freddy?
104
00:03:48,595 --> 00:03:50,564
Could be.
105
00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:51,998
Do you two
ever make advance plans?
106
00:03:51,998 --> 00:03:53,266
Kind of.
107
00:03:57,537 --> 00:04:00,000
Have you and Freddy
ever been on an actual date?
108
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:00,273
Have you and Freddy
ever been on an actual date?
109
00:04:00,273 --> 00:04:02,075
Basically.
110
00:04:07,314 --> 00:04:09,683
Come on, eliza.
111
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:13,120
Have you and Freddy
even been outside together?
112
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:14,688
For the most part.
113
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:16,556
♪ Somebody gonna get it... ♪
114
00:04:16,556 --> 00:04:18,391
Does his wraparound terrace
count?
115
00:04:18,391 --> 00:04:20,293
♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh,
and I hit it... ♪
116
00:04:22,195 --> 00:04:25,732
I hate to break it to you,
but I'm gonna.
117
00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:30,000
You are what Jamie foxx
and other men of my generation
118
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:30,604
you are what Jamie foxx
and other men of my generation
119
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,372
refer to
as a Booty call.
120
00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:34,341
And if
your behavior persists,
121
00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:36,643
that is all
you will ever be.
122
00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:38,145
Whatevs.
123
00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:41,148
If I wanted more,
there could totally be more.
124
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:43,617
But the truth is,i wasn't so sure,
125
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,585
so I decided to feel Freddy out
126
00:04:45,585 --> 00:04:48,355
after he was donefeeling me up.
127
00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:52,626
Welcome.
128
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:56,663
Hey, uh, what do you think
of our relation thingy?
129
00:04:56,663 --> 00:04:58,064
I think
it's awesome.
130
00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:00,000
How many favorites
my "sweet potato" tweet got?
131
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:00,767
How many favorites
my "sweet potato" tweet got?
132
00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:02,235
Six.
133
00:05:02,235 --> 00:05:04,604
But seriously,
would you ever want to, like,
134
00:05:04,604 --> 00:05:07,073
go outside...
With me?
135
00:05:07,073 --> 00:05:10,377
Hmm. Never really
thought about it.
136
00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:14,681
Guess I, uh, kind of like
what we have inside.
137
00:05:16,249 --> 00:05:18,218
Hey.
138
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:20,687
Want to take
an after-sex pic?
139
00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:22,122
Sure.
140
00:05:26,059 --> 00:05:28,695
Eardrops.
141
00:05:28,695 --> 00:05:30,000
Hear-drops.
No more teardrops with eardrops.
142
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,332
Hear-drops.
No more teardrops with eardrops.
143
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,067
don't fear drops.
144
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,203
The ear pops. The pain stops.
145
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:37,337
Sir?
146
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,705
Uh, my parents
are in town.
147
00:05:38,705 --> 00:05:40,507
Charlie,
it's back to square one now.
148
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,976
I don't hear my voice --
I only hear your voice.
149
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:45,679
Should we just these
"my parents are in town" drops?
150
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,480
Does that sound like
a good name?
151
00:05:48,648 --> 00:05:50,317
Just kidding.
You can go now.
152
00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:52,686
But you really did
ruin my train of thought.
153
00:05:52,686 --> 00:05:55,255
Okay.
154
00:05:59,092 --> 00:06:00,000
Eardrops.
155
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:01,161
Eardrops.
156
00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:02,295
F--
157
00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:03,730
what are you
still doing here?
158
00:06:03,730 --> 00:06:05,298
Here? Work.
I'm working.
159
00:06:05,298 --> 00:06:06,700
What are you doing here?
160
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:09,236
Oh, well, we are pre-partying
down in the lab.
161
00:06:09,236 --> 00:06:10,737
You coming tonight?
162
00:06:10,737 --> 00:06:12,138
It's Sharon
from I.T.'S birthday.
163
00:06:12,138 --> 00:06:14,007
Oh. Uh, no,
I got work to do --
164
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:17,177
plus, uh, I don't really know
Sharon, so I wasn't invited.
165
00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:18,712
Nobody knows Sharon.
166
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,313
She's just an idea.
167
00:06:21,681 --> 00:06:24,084
I'm sorry.
I am really drunk.
168
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:26,152
Um,
everybody knows Sharon,
169
00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:28,655
and she sent out
a Facebook invite.
170
00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:30,000
Oh. I'm not on Facebook.
Wait.
171
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:31,191
Oh. I'm not on Facebook.
Wait.
172
00:06:31,191 --> 00:06:33,026
How do you know who
from high school's gotten ugly?
173
00:06:33,026 --> 00:06:36,363
You're just walking around,
not knowing who's ugly?
174
00:06:36,363 --> 00:06:39,366
I-I have my suspicions.
175
00:06:39,366 --> 00:06:40,467
Uh....
176
00:06:41,968 --> 00:06:43,703
Henry's not on Facebook.
You know that?
177
00:06:43,703 --> 00:06:45,372
What?!
I'm on -- I'm on linkedin!
178
00:06:45,372 --> 00:06:46,706
Did you tell them
I'm on linkedin?
179
00:06:46,706 --> 00:06:48,408
Oh, don't make it worse.
No.
180
00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,410
Uh, no.
I have a linkedin profi--
181
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,322
all right. Fine.
182
00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:04,491
Let's see who got ugly.
183
00:07:06,192 --> 00:07:07,694
Wow.
184
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:11,765
Smelly Terry from camp
really turned it around.
185
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:13,366
Is that his wife?
186
00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:15,268
My god! She looks
like a boat-show model.
187
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:18,405
Maybe 'cause she's standing
on a boat.
188
00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:20,707
Mm. Smelly Terry has a boat.
189
00:07:20,707 --> 00:07:23,343
Geez.
190
00:07:31,017 --> 00:07:35,989
My first friend is my mom,
just like in life.
191
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:40,360
Facebook -- mildly entertaining,
certainly not all-consuming.
192
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:43,763
♪ Who will save your soul ♪
193
00:07:43,763 --> 00:07:48,335
♪ if you won't save your own? ♪
194
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:55,475
Yes! I've always felt that.
195
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,978
Okay, you were right.
196
00:07:57,978 --> 00:08:00,000
Freddy doesn't want
to go outside with me.
197
00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:00,380
Freddy doesn't want
to go outside with me.
198
00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:02,349
He just likes
what we have inside,
199
00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:04,985
which means you and Jamie foxx
have a point.
200
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,319
Are you okay?
201
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:09,522
Mm. Yes. I was just
up all night working --
202
00:08:09,522 --> 00:08:12,258
here at work,
on work stuff.
203
00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:13,259
Well,
work on me.
204
00:08:13,259 --> 00:08:15,061
Should I be trying
205
00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:16,396
to get Freddy to take me
more seriously or whatever?
206
00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:19,032
I mean, I'm fine with
the Booty-call status for now,
207
00:08:19,032 --> 00:08:21,434
but at some point, I'm gonna
want to be first lady, you know?
208
00:08:21,434 --> 00:08:23,103
To president
sweet potato?
209
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:24,304
Not necessarily.
210
00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:25,705
I just want to know
that I'm on the ballot.
211
00:08:25,705 --> 00:08:27,407
First ladies
aren't on the ballot.
212
00:08:27,407 --> 00:08:29,442
Well, it's just an honor
to be nominated.
213
00:08:29,442 --> 00:08:30,000
Oh, god.
If you're serious,
214
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,678
oh, god.
If you're serious,
215
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:34,080
stop responding
when he texts, "'sup?"
216
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:35,515
If he
wants to know 'sup,
217
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:38,251
he can stop by your desk
and form a full sentence.
218
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:39,552
Totes.
219
00:08:40,487 --> 00:08:42,989
--Ally.
220
00:08:45,158 --> 00:08:46,292
No.
221
00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:48,461
He needs
to know 'sup.
222
00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:50,563
No.
223
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:00,000
That was for my mom,
I swear.
224
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,141
That was for my mom,
I swear.
225
00:09:04,421 --> 00:09:06,479
You have to
break the cycle.
226
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:08,014
Freddy will never
see you any differently
227
00:09:08,014 --> 00:09:09,649
if you keep sexting
and sucking on pens --
228
00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:11,151
what are you doing
sucking on that pen like that?
229
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:13,286
That is toxic.
230
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:14,687
Sorry.
231
00:09:14,687 --> 00:09:16,456
I thought
Freddy was looking over here.
232
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:18,291
That's exactly
what I'm talking about --
233
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:20,560
not everything you do
should center around Freddy.
234
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,529
You have to foster
other interests,
235
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:24,264
think about
other things.
236
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:25,598
What were you doing
before you two got together?
237
00:09:25,598 --> 00:09:29,069
Oh, um,
I-I think I was doing...
238
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:31,071
Troy?
239
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,172
Oh, god.
240
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:32,751
You need
to become the kind of person
241
00:09:32,751 --> 00:09:33,673
you need
to become the kind of person
242
00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:37,377
who doesn't spend all her time
thinking about the opposite sex.
243
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:39,746
So, like, a lesbian?
244
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:42,515
No. Just a person
with varied interests.
245
00:09:42,515 --> 00:09:44,417
Oh. Like, what interests?
Can you be more specific?
246
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:46,319
Like, any interests --
247
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:50,223
science, politics,
woodworking, books, nature --
248
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:53,193
literally anything
besides fixating on men.
249
00:09:53,193 --> 00:09:55,161
Find a hobby.
Join a club.
250
00:09:55,161 --> 00:09:58,231
I knew just where to start --
251
00:09:58,231 --> 00:10:02,168
with my neighbor bryn, who rana book club for adult virgins.
252
00:10:02,168 --> 00:10:02,751
Bryn?
253
00:10:02,751 --> 00:10:03,436
Bryn?
254
00:10:03,436 --> 00:10:06,072
Girl, I haven't seen you
in forevs.
255
00:10:06,072 --> 00:10:07,607
I saw you
at the mailboxes yesterday.
256
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,210
You dropped all your
Victoria's secret
catalogs on the floor,
257
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,579
even though there's
a recycling bin right there.
258
00:10:12,579 --> 00:10:14,214
You should have
said hi.
259
00:10:14,214 --> 00:10:15,715
So, I've been thinking
a lot about you
260
00:10:15,715 --> 00:10:17,484
and your interests
and your hobbies,
261
00:10:17,484 --> 00:10:20,453
and it's weird
we aren't closer,
262
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,754
given how much
we have in common.
263
00:10:21,754 --> 00:10:23,123
How much who has in common?
264
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,157
You and I.
265
00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:26,159
Like,
that book you're reading,
266
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:29,496
"the curious incident
of the dog in the night-time" --
267
00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:30,563
I'm reading that,
too.
268
00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:32,465
You're reading?
Yeah.
269
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:32,751
Yeah,
with the dog
270
00:10:32,751 --> 00:10:34,033
yeah,
with the dog
271
00:10:34,033 --> 00:10:36,669
and the night-time
and the curiosity
272
00:10:36,669 --> 00:10:39,472
and, like, the incident
and the dog of it all.
273
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:42,275
I'd love to talk way more
about it sometime.
274
00:10:42,275 --> 00:10:43,610
You would?
Yeah.
275
00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:46,312
There's a lot of stuff
you guys don't know about me.
276
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,181
What do you think,
bryn?
277
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:50,350
No one's ever asked to be
in your book club before.
278
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:55,221
Be at my place tomorrow night,
8:00 P.M.
279
00:10:55,221 --> 00:10:56,389
Oh, my god.
Thank you.
280
00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:57,724
I will definitely
be there
281
00:10:57,724 --> 00:10:59,392
instead of having sex
with someone.
282
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:00,560
Thanks.
283
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:01,661
Okay.
284
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:02,751
While I was picking up a book,
285
00:11:02,751 --> 00:11:03,163
while I was picking up a book,
286
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,365
Henry was tryingto resist the one book
287
00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:08,101
that's impossible to put down.
288
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:09,702
He was figuring outwhat every grandmother
289
00:11:09,702 --> 00:11:13,139
had figured out four yearsago -- Facebook is crack.
290
00:11:19,412 --> 00:11:21,514
Go on and turn up
291
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:22,982
that bass-line selector!
292
00:11:22,982 --> 00:11:25,552
Really, Charlie?
Palm Springs with a fake patois?
293
00:11:25,552 --> 00:11:28,688
Me know
your parents not in town.
294
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,256
Henry?
We're facetime'ing.
295
00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:31,391
Oh, yeah, how about that?
296
00:11:32,759 --> 00:11:34,260
Um, so I just wanted you to know
that I took your advice,
297
00:11:34,260 --> 00:11:35,428
and I
joined a book club.
298
00:11:35,428 --> 00:11:37,030
I'm at the salvation army
right now
299
00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:39,165
looking for an asexual ensemble
to wear while reading.
300
00:11:39,165 --> 00:11:40,366
What do you think
of this?
301
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:41,668
Shouldn't you
be reading the book
302
00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:43,269
instead of worrying
about what to wear
303
00:11:43,269 --> 00:11:44,404
while reading the book?
304
00:11:44,404 --> 00:11:46,539
Well, I'm eight pages in.
It's not good.
305
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:48,441
Oh,
but I forgot to tell you --
306
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:50,643
I haven't responded
to Freddy all day,
307
00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:53,379
and he texted me
like five times last night.
308
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:55,715
It's like,
desperate much?
309
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,517
Why does my mom
keep poking me?
310
00:11:57,517 --> 00:12:00,320
Hey, are you -- are you
on Facebook right now?
311
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,751
Okay, so, I might have
also taken your advice
312
00:12:02,751 --> 00:12:03,489
okay, so, I might have
also taken your advice
313
00:12:03,489 --> 00:12:06,492
and engaged
in some light Facebook-ery.
314
00:12:06,492 --> 00:12:08,194
Oh,
that is so cute!
315
00:12:08,194 --> 00:12:10,363
Look at you,
using Facebook on your desktop
316
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:11,631
like it's 2011 again.
317
00:12:11,631 --> 00:12:13,533
You know there's an app --
right? -- For your phone.
318
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:15,568
Really?
319
00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:19,572
On my phone --
what a waste of time.
320
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,174
Well, have fun.
321
00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:22,442
Just don't start
stalking your exes.
322
00:12:22,442 --> 00:12:24,344
You don't want
to go down that rabbit hole.
323
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:25,511
Trust.
324
00:12:25,511 --> 00:12:28,214
Oh, I trust...
Me not to do that.
325
00:12:28,214 --> 00:12:29,349
Okay.
326
00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:31,584
Well, read your book.
Bye, eliza.
327
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:32,719
B--
328
00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:32,751
but it was too late.
329
00:12:32,751 --> 00:12:34,554
But it was too late.
330
00:12:34,554 --> 00:12:36,723
Once the option of stalkingyour exes is presented,
331
00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:38,324
you can't not do it.
Oh.
332
00:12:38,324 --> 00:12:39,726
It's like crack.
Ohh.
333
00:12:39,726 --> 00:12:42,262
It's weirdhow much stuff is like crack.
334
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,564
Olivia had a baby?
335
00:12:44,564 --> 00:12:45,732
What's that?
336
00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:49,302
Why's my name --
why am I a baby?
337
00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:50,470
What?
338
00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:53,339
No, no, no, no.
339
00:12:53,339 --> 00:12:54,741
No. No.
340
00:12:54,741 --> 00:13:00,346
No, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no. No.
341
00:13:00,346 --> 00:13:01,648
Undo, damn it.
342
00:13:01,648 --> 00:13:02,751
Undo.
343
00:13:02,751 --> 00:13:03,549
Undo.
344
00:13:03,549 --> 00:13:06,519
You undo, damn it.
345
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,724
She's not.
346
00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,359
Did you guys
already start?
347
00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:14,560
I got hung up
at goodwill.
348
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:16,763
You look amazing.
349
00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:19,299
Sorry if
I smell like dead people.
350
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,633
We all do.
351
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:22,201
That's how you know
it's vintage.
352
00:13:22,201 --> 00:13:24,404
Okay.
353
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:26,706
Ah, ah, ah.
354
00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:28,341
No cellphones
at book club.
355
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:29,442
Silent, please.
356
00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:31,511
I'm sorry.
357
00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:32,512
Homemade pop-tart?
358
00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:32,751
You made these?
359
00:13:32,751 --> 00:13:34,514
You made these?
360
00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:36,115
It's really
not that hard.
361
00:13:36,115 --> 00:13:37,617
You just need your standard
flaky pastry recipe,
362
00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:39,285
a double boiler
to make the filling.
363
00:13:39,285 --> 00:13:41,321
I did chocolate hazelnut
and raspberry minted walnut.
364
00:13:41,321 --> 00:13:42,655
Then, you know,
a fluted cutting wheel,
365
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:45,224
parchment, and, of course,
baking sheets.
366
00:13:45,224 --> 00:13:46,993
But they also have them
at gelson's
367
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:48,661
and sometimes
even rite aid.
368
00:13:48,661 --> 00:13:50,697
Or is that
not the point?
369
00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:53,499
Okay, ladies, let's get
this book club started.
370
00:13:53,499 --> 00:13:55,368
I'd like
to throw it to bryn.
371
00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:56,402
Bryn?
372
00:13:56,402 --> 00:13:58,037
I would like
to begin
373
00:13:58,037 --> 00:14:01,474
by expressing
how struck I remain
374
00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:02,751
by haddon's use
of language.
375
00:14:02,751 --> 00:14:03,409
By haddon's use
of language.
376
00:14:03,409 --> 00:14:06,713
Why is your bookmark
only like two pages in?
377
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:10,616
Oh, uh, well, actually,
it's eight pages in,
378
00:14:10,616 --> 00:14:12,585
so
no spoilers.
379
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:13,720
I knew
she didn't read the book.
380
00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:15,722
Give me that pop-tart back.
381
00:14:15,722 --> 00:14:18,524
Eliza.
382
00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:21,461
Is this
a "Jerry Maguire" moment?
383
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:24,597
I have been in this book club
for three years,
384
00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:27,100
and she gets a "Jerry Maguire"
moment on her first night?
385
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,001
Uh, Henry,
what are you doing here?
386
00:14:29,001 --> 00:14:31,404
Is it
that she completes you?
387
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:32,751
No,
it's that I tagged myself
388
00:14:32,751 --> 00:14:33,005
no,
it's that I tagged myself
389
00:14:33,005 --> 00:14:35,675
as an ex-girlfriend's
breast-feeding baby on Facebook.
390
00:14:35,675 --> 00:14:37,577
Did somebody die in here?
391
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,415
Could we --
can I...
392
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:43,349
Yeah.
393
00:14:43,349 --> 00:14:46,419
There's a...
394
00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:48,554
I don't want to say,
"I told you so."
But you told me so.
395
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:49,722
There.
That's done.
396
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:51,124
Now, please,
untag me.
397
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:54,026
Untagged.
398
00:14:54,026 --> 00:14:55,428
Thank you!
399
00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:57,296
Thank you.
400
00:14:57,296 --> 00:14:59,065
Maybe she
didn't see it.
401
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:00,767
No. Yeah.
She definitely saw it.
402
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:02,001
You get an alert.
403
00:15:02,001 --> 00:15:02,751
An ale--
an alert?
404
00:15:02,751 --> 00:15:03,336
An ale--
an alert?
405
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:04,670
Why would they
do that?
406
00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:06,305
To keep track
of the pervs?
407
00:15:06,305 --> 00:15:07,607
See, this is why I didn't want
to join Facebook.
408
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:08,708
Because you knew
you'd act like a perv?
409
00:15:08,708 --> 00:15:09,976
J.K.
410
00:15:09,976 --> 00:15:11,477
Oh,
just text her "j.K."
411
00:15:11,477 --> 00:15:13,045
No. No.
412
00:15:13,045 --> 00:15:14,580
More impersonal communication
that can be easily misconstrued
413
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:15,648
is not the answer.
414
00:15:15,648 --> 00:15:17,049
That's how
I got into this mess.
415
00:15:17,049 --> 00:15:18,351
I'm going in.
416
00:15:18,351 --> 00:15:19,485
Wait.
417
00:15:19,485 --> 00:15:20,987
Henry, I think these girls
are on to me.
418
00:15:20,987 --> 00:15:22,288
And truth told,
I hated the book.
419
00:15:22,288 --> 00:15:23,456
And hanging out
with these nonsexual,
420
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:25,158
farm-to-table
mini-grandmas
421
00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:26,993
is not keeping my mind off
Freddy, who keeps texting me.
422
00:15:26,993 --> 00:15:29,328
Eliza, my ex thinks
I have a lactating fetish.
423
00:15:29,328 --> 00:15:30,630
Can we regroup
on this?
424
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:32,751
Yeah.
Yeah.
425
00:15:32,751 --> 00:15:33,099
Yeah.
Yeah.
426
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:37,703
Hey.
427
00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:43,075
Thanks for agreeing
to see me, Olivia.
428
00:15:43,075 --> 00:15:44,343
Henry, what's going on?
You broke up with me.
429
00:15:44,343 --> 00:15:45,545
Three years pass.
430
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:47,480
I haven't talked to you
since then,
431
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:49,081
until you tag yourself as my
breast-feeding baby on Facebook.
432
00:15:49,081 --> 00:15:50,550
I know it's weird.
433
00:15:50,550 --> 00:15:52,718
That's why I wanted
to come over here in person
434
00:15:52,718 --> 00:15:55,087
to explain
that it was an accident.
435
00:15:55,087 --> 00:15:57,390
I didn't want you
to think I was...
436
00:15:57,390 --> 00:15:58,491
What?
437
00:15:58,491 --> 00:15:59,592
That you
were thinking about me?
438
00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:00,993
don't worry.
439
00:16:00,993 --> 00:16:02,562
No, no.
440
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:05,064
I was thinking about you,
just not in that way.
441
00:16:05,064 --> 00:16:06,532
In what way,
then?
442
00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:09,021
No, in an, um,
"I wonder how she's doing.
443
00:16:09,021 --> 00:16:10,002
No, in an, um,
"I wonder how she's doing.
444
00:16:10,002 --> 00:16:12,038
I hope she's well,"
way.
445
00:16:12,038 --> 00:16:13,739
Oh, well, I'm great.
Yeah.
446
00:16:13,739 --> 00:16:16,542
The minute I realized you
were never gonna care about me
447
00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:19,579
as much as your job,
I moved on.
448
00:16:19,579 --> 00:16:21,681
I met
a really great guy.
449
00:16:21,681 --> 00:16:22,748
Great.
450
00:16:22,748 --> 00:16:24,383
And you?
451
00:16:24,383 --> 00:16:26,986
You look good.
Oh.
452
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,387
Last time I saw you,
453
00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:29,989
you were rocking
those frosted tips.
454
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:31,457
I frosted one tip.
455
00:16:31,457 --> 00:16:33,159
Because you loved
mark mcgrath.
456
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,660
I didn't love mark mcgrath --
I admired his resilience.
457
00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:36,162
Mm.
458
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:37,597
Pop culture asked him to leave,
and instead,
459
00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:39,021
he rose like a Phoenix
from the ashes of sugar ray.
460
00:16:39,021 --> 00:16:39,665
He rose like a Phoenix
from the ashes of sugar ray.
461
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,100
Ohh.
462
00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:43,503
I take it
you're still single.
463
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:46,372
Yes, yes.
For the moment, I am.
464
00:16:46,372 --> 00:16:49,509
Um...
Better get cracking, though.
465
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:50,743
According to Facebook,
466
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:53,012
every single person I know
is married with kids.
467
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:54,380
When did that happen?
468
00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:56,415
Probably when
you were at the office.
469
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:01,721
After bryn's book whores kickedme out of their nerd club,
470
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:04,023
i had no choicebut to eat my feelings,
471
00:17:04,023 --> 00:17:05,157
which were covered in...
472
00:17:05,157 --> 00:17:06,626
Mochi. And kiwi.
473
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:09,021
Just five gummy bears --
red ones.
474
00:17:09,021 --> 00:17:09,662
Just five gummy bears --
red ones.
475
00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:10,696
One green.
476
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:11,697
And some butterfinger.
477
00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:14,433
Charmonique?
478
00:17:14,433 --> 00:17:16,102
Charmonique, it's me.
479
00:17:16,102 --> 00:17:18,204
Eliza,
what's with the getup?
480
00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:20,172
Oh, I was just trying
to change my image
481
00:17:20,172 --> 00:17:22,542
and be seen as something
other than a Booty call.
482
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:23,543
Oh.
483
00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:24,677
Have a kid.
484
00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:26,112
No one will ever
call your Booty again.
485
00:17:26,112 --> 00:17:27,480
Just kidding.
486
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,749
But seriously,
it is a deterrent.
487
00:17:29,749 --> 00:17:31,083
Not to everyone.
488
00:17:31,083 --> 00:17:33,486
But to
a lot of people.
489
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:36,722
I'm man poison.
490
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:38,424
Well,
it's cheat day.
491
00:17:38,424 --> 00:17:39,021
Got to get to it.
492
00:17:39,021 --> 00:17:39,559
Got to get to it.
493
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,661
Cheat day.
Of course.
494
00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:43,629
You have to give in
to your urges
495
00:17:43,629 --> 00:17:45,631
if you're gonna stay
on the diet.
496
00:17:45,631 --> 00:17:49,168
Can I get a half-cake batter,
half-mint chocolate cheesecake?
497
00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:50,703
If I have sex
with Freddy right now,
498
00:17:50,703 --> 00:17:53,439
it'll give me the strength
to not have sex with Freddy
499
00:17:53,439 --> 00:17:54,607
for the rest
of the week.
500
00:17:54,607 --> 00:17:57,577
Guuuh!
501
00:17:57,577 --> 00:18:00,179
Besides, if texting Freddywas the wrong thing to do,
502
00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:02,582
I'm sure the universewould give me a sign.
503
00:18:06,185 --> 00:18:08,487
It didn't even hurt.
504
00:18:08,487 --> 00:18:09,021
I'm fi-- aah!
505
00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:09,722
I'm fi-- aah!
506
00:18:12,491 --> 00:18:14,226
The ironyof falling into a manhole
507
00:18:14,226 --> 00:18:16,696
while texting Freddywas not lost on me.
508
00:18:18,197 --> 00:18:20,733
Eardrops. Fear drops.
509
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:24,170
Career drops.
510
00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:26,472
"For the baby you'll never have
511
00:18:26,472 --> 00:18:28,674
because you spend too much time
at work" drops.
512
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:32,345
Henry felt alone, but insteadof reaching out to a friend,
513
00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:34,647
he reachedfor his wireless mouse.
514
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,573
Eliza...What happened?
Are you okay?
515
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:02,174
Oh,
it's not a big deal.
516
00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:05,144
I just got hit by a smart car,
dislocated my tailbone,
517
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,580
fell down a manhole,
fractured my pelvis,
518
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:09,021
banged my head, got a
concussion, saw the white light,
519
00:19:09,021 --> 00:19:09,682
banged my head, got a
concussion, saw the white light,
520
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:12,685
ran into Tupac and biggie,
who squashed it.
521
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:13,719
I knew they would.
522
00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:19,558
Boy, I'm glad you're okay,
'cause...I was at work,
523
00:19:19,558 --> 00:19:22,028
as usual,
and I saw that you were hurt.
524
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:23,996
And I just, um,
I wanted to --
525
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:25,598
Freddy?
Hey.
526
00:19:25,598 --> 00:19:27,767
What are you doing here?
Yeah, what?
527
00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:29,969
Just came by in case they needed
someone to identify the Booty.
528
00:19:32,238 --> 00:19:33,639
That was
legitimately funny.
529
00:19:33,639 --> 00:19:35,174
Here.
530
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:36,575
I brought you a charger.
Dead phone, right?
531
00:19:36,575 --> 00:19:39,021
That is why you weren't
returning my texts.
532
00:19:39,021 --> 00:19:39,578
That is why you weren't
returning my texts.
533
00:19:39,578 --> 00:19:41,180
How about,
"eliza, are you okay?
534
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,682
I was worried"?
535
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,316
Sorry.
536
00:19:44,316 --> 00:19:47,486
Um, I've just been kind of busy
with other interests.
537
00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:50,756
Ow.
It hurts to wink.
538
00:19:50,756 --> 00:19:52,191
Subtle.
539
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,093
So, uh, are they gonna
let you go home soon?
540
00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:56,362
I could, uh, you know,
give you a lift.
541
00:19:56,362 --> 00:19:57,663
Uh, sure.
542
00:19:57,663 --> 00:19:59,165
I mean,
I have an aircast on my foot
543
00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:01,200
and I have to be woken up
every hour,
544
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:04,136
but as long as you don't
put all your weight
545
00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:05,571
on my fractured pelvis...
546
00:20:05,571 --> 00:20:07,540
Oh. I-I didn't mean
to hook up.
547
00:20:07,540 --> 00:20:09,021
I just thought
I could drive you to your place,
548
00:20:09,021 --> 00:20:10,176
I just thought
I could drive you to your place,
549
00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:11,744
walk you
to your door.
550
00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:13,579
Outside?
551
00:20:13,579 --> 00:20:14,714
Yeah.
552
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,182
Unless you know another way
to get there.
553
00:20:16,182 --> 00:20:19,018
No.
No.
554
00:20:19,018 --> 00:20:20,553
Outside is great.
555
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:23,622
I love that you want
to walk outside with me.
556
00:20:26,292 --> 00:20:28,260
Ow.
Thumbs-up hurts, too.
557
00:20:28,260 --> 00:20:29,662
You don't have to signal me --
558
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:31,630
observing all this in tandem
with you.
559
00:20:31,630 --> 00:20:34,333
Ow!
560
00:20:34,333 --> 00:20:35,568
Okay.
561
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:39,021
Well,
I will leave you to it.
562
00:20:39,021 --> 00:20:39,305
Well,
I will leave you to it.
563
00:20:39,305 --> 00:20:40,306
Rest up, eliza.
Feel better.
564
00:20:40,306 --> 00:20:42,174
Oh, hey, uh, Henry.
565
00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:44,310
You know you tagged yourself
as the bedpan
566
00:20:44,310 --> 00:20:45,678
in my hospital pic,
right?
567
00:20:49,281 --> 00:20:51,383
Damn it.
I hate Facebook.
568
00:20:53,945 --> 00:20:56,722
I tried to message you
on Facebook.
569
00:20:56,722 --> 00:20:58,190
Did you
take down your account?
570
00:20:58,190 --> 00:20:59,725
That's exactly what I did.
Oh, man. Why?
571
00:20:59,725 --> 00:21:01,660
Well,
I'm an old-fashioned guy.
572
00:21:01,660 --> 00:21:03,562
I've decided that from now on,
if I want to check up on people,
573
00:21:03,562 --> 00:21:05,598
I'm gonna do it
the old-fashioned way.
574
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:08,567
Well, thanks for checking up
on me today.
575
00:21:08,567 --> 00:21:11,036
You're most welcome,
eliza.
576
00:21:11,036 --> 00:21:12,371
Now get some sleep.
577
00:21:14,073 --> 00:21:15,207
And, eliza.
578
00:21:15,207 --> 00:21:16,642
Yeah?
579
00:21:16,642 --> 00:21:18,210
I'll call you in an hour
to wake you up, okay?
580
00:21:18,210 --> 00:21:20,713
♪ Keep on coming home ♪
39356
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