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1
00:00:03,830 --> 00:00:07,140
Okay. Here's my advice
when it comes to marriage:
2
00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:11,140
Never marry someone you love
more than they love you.
3
00:00:11,140 --> 00:00:13,780
That is so cynical.
You were married for 20 years.
4
00:00:13,780 --> 00:00:15,840
It had to have been nice
for some time.
5
00:00:15,940 --> 00:00:17,750
Nice?
6
00:00:17,850 --> 00:00:20,180
The last nice thing
my ex-wife said to me was,
7
00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:22,420
"I do," and then she didn't
8
00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:23,990
for the rest of
the marriage.
9
00:00:24,090 --> 00:00:25,890
Go ahead, give me
your feminist rebuttal.
10
00:00:25,990 --> 00:00:27,120
I don't have one,
11
00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:28,160
P. Bear.
12
00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:29,730
P. Bear? What the hell is that?
13
00:00:29,860 --> 00:00:31,830
It's my new nickname for you.
14
00:00:31,830 --> 00:00:32,830
I don't like it.
15
00:00:32,830 --> 00:00:34,360
It sounds like
I get up five times
16
00:00:34,460 --> 00:00:36,700
in the middle of the night
to use the bathroom.
17
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:37,870
Go back to "Poppa."
18
00:00:37,970 --> 00:00:39,970
Okay... P. Bear.
19
00:00:39,970 --> 00:00:43,210
See? Now I got to go
use the bathroom.
20
00:00:43,310 --> 00:00:45,310
How about a word
from our sponsors?
21
00:00:45,310 --> 00:00:46,880
Hey, Trey.
22
00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:48,080
Okay, this was a
good conversation,
23
00:00:48,210 --> 00:00:49,080
but we got to figure out
24
00:00:49,180 --> 00:00:50,450
new ways to market our show.
25
00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:51,680
How about T-shirts?
26
00:00:51,780 --> 00:00:54,320
How about you go
back outside and play?
27
00:00:54,420 --> 00:00:55,880
And that smell
28
00:00:55,980 --> 00:00:57,490
better not be
coming off your shoe.
29
00:00:57,490 --> 00:01:00,360
It's not.
Hey!
30
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,560
What was that?
31
00:01:02,660 --> 00:01:04,060
Go wash your hands.
32
00:01:05,790 --> 00:01:06,960
He is so cute.
33
00:01:07,060 --> 00:01:09,430
You didn't smell his fingers.
34
00:01:09,530 --> 00:01:11,670
All right, P. Bear, we got to
get back to the marketing.
35
00:01:11,670 --> 00:01:13,470
I got an idea.
Why don't we get
36
00:01:13,570 --> 00:01:15,670
one of those things
at the dealership
37
00:01:15,670 --> 00:01:17,110
that does this?
38
00:01:18,070 --> 00:01:19,540
Guess what!
39
00:01:19,540 --> 00:01:21,510
Hey, Junior.
Hi-vy, Ivy.
40
00:01:22,610 --> 00:01:23,610
My feral son Trey,
41
00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:25,350
who is currently peeing
in your petunias,
42
00:01:25,350 --> 00:01:26,750
is a genius.
43
00:01:26,850 --> 00:01:29,150
Yeah, he just took an IQ test,
and apparently he's gifted.
44
00:01:29,250 --> 00:01:30,590
Really? The same boy
45
00:01:30,690 --> 00:01:32,460
that brought all the
bees in my house?
Yep.
46
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:34,760
The one that likes
to sniff the seats?
Yep.
47
00:01:34,860 --> 00:01:35,920
The one that like
to take a...
Yep.
48
00:01:36,020 --> 00:01:37,390
...in top of the...
Yep.
49
00:01:37,390 --> 00:01:39,090
Upper decker, yep.
50
00:01:40,030 --> 00:01:41,400
But here's the best part.
51
00:01:41,500 --> 00:01:43,570
He got accepted
into Buckingham.
52
00:01:43,570 --> 00:01:45,030
The palace?
53
00:01:45,130 --> 00:01:47,240
No, not the palace.
The school.
54
00:01:47,340 --> 00:01:49,540
It's one of the top schools
in the country.
55
00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:51,210
Congratulations,
Junior.
56
00:01:51,310 --> 00:01:53,840
You know, they don't
just take anybody.
57
00:01:53,940 --> 00:01:56,080
Let me guess.
That's where you went?
58
00:01:56,180 --> 00:01:58,180
It is.
59
00:01:58,950 --> 00:02:01,080
You see,
Buckingham is a place
60
00:02:01,180 --> 00:02:02,620
that teaches kids
really important things
61
00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:05,890
like kindness and compassion,
happiness...
62
00:02:05,990 --> 00:02:07,360
Aw, these private schools
are nothing but
63
00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:08,720
a big money racket.
64
00:02:08,820 --> 00:02:11,130
You got your tuitions
and your uniforms,
65
00:02:11,230 --> 00:02:12,830
the mandatory donations.
66
00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,300
By the time
your kid finishes school,
67
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:17,570
you're broke,
living underneath a bridge.
68
00:02:17,570 --> 00:02:19,940
Gosh, Dad. Again with this?
69
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,370
I went
to private school.
70
00:02:21,470 --> 00:02:23,010
Yeah, and I don't
hold that against you, son.
71
00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:24,370
I hold it against your mother.
72
00:02:24,470 --> 00:02:27,640
See, public school teaches
you grit and street smarts.
73
00:02:27,780 --> 00:02:30,150
Getting locked in a locker
for the whole day,
74
00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:33,250
it prepares you
for working a nine-to-five.
75
00:02:33,350 --> 00:02:35,150
I am the man
I am today
76
00:02:35,250 --> 00:02:37,450
courtesy of public school.
77
00:02:37,550 --> 00:02:41,760
And I am the woman I am today
courtesy of private school.
78
00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:43,360
And I rest my case.
79
00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:45,690
And I am having
dinner tomorrow night
80
00:02:45,830 --> 00:02:46,830
to celebrate
Trey's brilliance
81
00:02:46,930 --> 00:02:48,500
and would love
for you to be there.
82
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,030
And I have to go pee right now.
How bad you got to pee?
83
00:02:51,170 --> 00:02:52,340
Are you gonna come?
Are you gonna come?
I got to pee, son.
84
00:02:52,470 --> 00:02:53,870
I'll-I'll be there.
I'll be there!
85
00:02:55,700 --> 00:02:57,710
♪ Poppa's ♪
86
00:02:57,810 --> 00:02:59,610
♪ House ♪
87
00:02:59,610 --> 00:03:02,850
♪ Yeah. ♪
88
00:03:03,580 --> 00:03:08,480
Now, I just want to say
how proud we are of Trey
89
00:03:08,580 --> 00:03:12,190
for getting into
such a prestigious school.
90
00:03:12,290 --> 00:03:13,990
Clearly, he gets his brains
91
00:03:13,990 --> 00:03:15,020
from his mother.
92
00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:16,090
Thank you, Daddy.
93
00:03:16,190 --> 00:03:17,890
They say you can't
94
00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:19,960
lick your own elbow.
95
00:03:20,060 --> 00:03:22,270
My dad also says
you can't lick your own...
96
00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:23,470
All right.
97
00:03:24,770 --> 00:03:25,900
Anyways...
98
00:03:26,030 --> 00:03:26,970
Where was I?
Yes, our generous...
99
00:03:26,970 --> 00:03:28,370
Look, cut the crap.
100
00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,770
You need money for
tuition, right?
101
00:03:30,870 --> 00:03:33,010
"Need" is such
a strong word.
102
00:03:33,010 --> 00:03:35,240
I-I prefer "yearning..."
103
00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:37,080
To answer your question, yes.
104
00:03:37,180 --> 00:03:39,750
We would like for you to help us
pay for Trey's education.
105
00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:43,180
Help? So, that means you
have some of the money?
106
00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:46,790
We've raised almost $5,000,
but that's not enough.
107
00:03:46,890 --> 00:03:49,760
No, not at all.
108
00:03:49,860 --> 00:03:50,890
Not for Buckingham.
109
00:03:51,030 --> 00:03:52,530
Well, why don't you
take out a loan?
110
00:03:52,530 --> 00:03:53,860
Ooh, tried and denied.
111
00:03:53,860 --> 00:03:56,700
Why don't you ask
shortstop over there?
112
00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:57,900
Also tried, also denied.
113
00:03:58,030 --> 00:03:59,570
Hey, I paid for this house.
114
00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:01,700
Helped pay for this hou--
115
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:02,870
No, no, you paid for it.
116
00:04:02,870 --> 00:04:04,610
Yeah, you paid.
You did that.
117
00:04:04,710 --> 00:04:05,870
Whole house.
118
00:04:05,870 --> 00:04:06,870
Look, I already told you
119
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,640
that I don't like these--
120
00:04:08,740 --> 00:04:10,280
What is--
Who's that for?
121
00:04:11,180 --> 00:04:12,250
What?
What?
122
00:04:12,380 --> 00:04:13,580
Hello.
123
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:14,580
Grandma!
124
00:04:14,680 --> 00:04:17,120
Grandma!
Mommy!
125
00:04:17,220 --> 00:04:19,760
I thought I smelled
half my money.
126
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:21,360
Hello, Catherine.
127
00:04:21,460 --> 00:04:22,860
Hello, tightwad.
128
00:04:22,860 --> 00:04:23,690
Hello, Catherine.
129
00:04:23,690 --> 00:04:25,090
Hello, little one.
130
00:04:25,190 --> 00:04:26,700
Are we having your lasagna
131
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,100
again?
132
00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:31,030
Little one. You hear that?
133
00:04:31,130 --> 00:04:32,200
Having your mom here
better work.
134
00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,240
Look, if anyone can get
money out of my dad,
135
00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:35,900
it's my mom.
Trust me.
136
00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:38,110
I have a plan.
137
00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:40,040
Grandma, do you have
presents for us?
138
00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:42,010
Do you remember the magic words?
139
00:04:42,110 --> 00:04:44,910
We love you more than Poppa!
140
00:04:44,910 --> 00:04:47,580
Ooh! Presents
for the babies.
141
00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:51,350
Now, go open them in a place
where I can't see you.
142
00:04:52,220 --> 00:04:55,320
Catherine, are you
aging backwards?
143
00:04:55,460 --> 00:04:57,220
Oh, Joseph, Joseph.
144
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:59,430
You always know
what to say.
145
00:04:59,530 --> 00:05:01,800
Unlike some people
sitting here,
146
00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:03,530
right over there.
147
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:05,570
You look good,
too, Joseph.
148
00:05:05,570 --> 00:05:06,570
Thank you.
149
00:05:06,670 --> 00:05:08,370
You still have some hair.
150
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:13,440
You sure were the one
that got away.
151
00:05:14,740 --> 00:05:16,910
Yeah, and I sure wish
you would stay away.
152
00:05:17,010 --> 00:05:18,310
What are you doing here,
153
00:05:18,410 --> 00:05:19,420
wallet whisperer?
154
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,620
You already got half.
155
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,580
I don't want
your money, tightwad.
156
00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:23,950
It's for our grandson.
157
00:05:24,050 --> 00:05:25,320
I told you years ago,
158
00:05:25,420 --> 00:05:26,820
I don't believe in
these kinds of schools.
159
00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:31,490
I thought you'd say that,
but have you told this guy?
160
00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:37,270
There are so many kids
161
00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:38,270
who don't get to go
to private school.
162
00:05:38,370 --> 00:05:40,700
What's two plus two,
little guy?
163
00:05:40,840 --> 00:05:42,840
I can't afford
to know that.
164
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:46,940
He can't afford to know that.
165
00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,980
These kids didn't have
the opportunity to learn
166
00:05:49,980 --> 00:05:51,480
because they couldn't
get the money
167
00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,220
from their rich grandfather
who claims to love them.
168
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,680
Mm! I don't want to be
that grandpa.
169
00:05:55,780 --> 00:05:57,290
You sure don't.
170
00:05:57,390 --> 00:05:58,650
And all you have to do
is show up
171
00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:02,160
with $22,740 and 15 cents.
172
00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:04,390
That's it? What a deal.
173
00:06:06,060 --> 00:06:07,500
A deal indeed.
174
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:10,030
And then your grandchild
can live happily ever after.
175
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:11,700
What's two plus two, honey?
176
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:13,640
Money!
177
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:14,540
Yes, it is.
178
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:17,410
Thank you, Poppa!
179
00:06:18,710 --> 00:06:20,680
So...
180
00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:21,880
cash or check?
181
00:06:22,010 --> 00:06:24,910
Tried and denied.
182
00:06:25,050 --> 00:06:26,620
Damon, a word.
183
00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:30,050
What, woman?
184
00:06:36,020 --> 00:06:37,630
"Some hair."
185
00:06:38,730 --> 00:06:42,430
My plan's coming together
like butt cheeks.
186
00:06:43,470 --> 00:06:45,270
How dare you
not even consider...
187
00:06:45,370 --> 00:06:46,770
Don't start with
the "how dare you's."
188
00:06:46,870 --> 00:06:48,200
That's all I ever hear from you.
189
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,410
"How dare you this.
How dare you that."
190
00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:51,810
Like, "How dare you
sleep with that slut?"
191
00:06:51,910 --> 00:06:53,840
She wasn't a slut.
192
00:06:53,940 --> 00:06:56,910
She was a ballet dancer working
her way through law school.
193
00:06:57,010 --> 00:06:58,310
Yeah, like a slut.
194
00:06:58,410 --> 00:07:00,010
She was moonlighting at NASA.
195
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:02,120
Oh, like a slut on the moon.
196
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:04,520
Why you always
bring her up?
197
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:06,090
You're the one
who cheated first.
198
00:07:06,190 --> 00:07:07,350
No, I had a fling.
199
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,830
You fell in love.
I never gave him my heart.
200
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:12,190
Yeah, but you gave
him everything else,
201
00:07:12,290 --> 00:07:14,600
including what you only gave me
on my birthday.
202
00:07:14,700 --> 00:07:16,670
You know I have bad knees.
203
00:07:18,030 --> 00:07:20,300
Okay, now, look,
do not make this conversation
204
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,600
about you, all right?
205
00:07:21,700 --> 00:07:23,810
This is about what is best
for our grandson.
206
00:07:23,940 --> 00:07:25,870
Catherine, I'm
standing on principle.
207
00:07:25,970 --> 00:07:27,410
The only thing
you are standing on
208
00:07:27,410 --> 00:07:29,140
is that pile of crap that is
coming out of your mouth.
209
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:30,780
Hey, don't you dare with that...
210
00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:33,250
Don't you "don't you dare" me.
That's my thing.
211
00:07:33,250 --> 00:07:34,950
You know what, Catherine?
What?
212
00:07:35,050 --> 00:07:37,320
You're not winning
this argument.
213
00:07:38,550 --> 00:07:41,160
You know, this is not
about winning anything.
214
00:07:41,290 --> 00:07:43,330
This is about you being selfish.
215
00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:44,990
Now, you don't mind
wasting your money
216
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,460
on your fancy cars.
Collectibles.
217
00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:49,630
Music collection.
Vintage.
218
00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:51,970
Your stupid fancy sneakers.
219
00:07:52,070 --> 00:07:54,470
I have a club foot
220
00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:56,610
and fallen arches.
221
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:59,240
And you never bring up the
real waste of my money,
222
00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:01,640
which is you
and your alimony payment.
223
00:08:01,780 --> 00:08:04,210
Well, I earned
every single dollar.
224
00:08:04,310 --> 00:08:06,450
Cooking the meals,
raising the kids,
225
00:08:06,450 --> 00:08:08,650
putting up with your tiny head
and your even tinier...
226
00:08:08,780 --> 00:08:10,320
Hey, hey, watch your mouth.
227
00:08:10,450 --> 00:08:12,420
I was gonna say heart,
but if the condom fits, then...
228
00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:13,860
You know the
condom didn't fit.
229
00:08:13,990 --> 00:08:15,320
You'd bring home
those Magnums.
230
00:08:15,420 --> 00:08:16,930
Why? Oh. Oh, real--
It's like a body bag.
231
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:18,530
Yes.
Oh, so now
it's a body bag?
232
00:08:18,630 --> 00:08:19,590
It's that bad?
Yes.
233
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:20,760
Quiet!
234
00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:22,030
Both of you.
235
00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:24,600
Oh, quite a big bark
coming from such a little pup.
236
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:28,270
The little jokes are
getting old, just like you.
237
00:08:28,370 --> 00:08:29,910
Ooh.
238
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,470
Thank you.
239
00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:35,040
Junior, are you gonna let her
talk to your mother like that?
240
00:08:35,180 --> 00:08:37,580
Did you hear that? I think
someone's at the door.
241
00:08:37,680 --> 00:08:38,910
I'll get it.
242
00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:44,890
Poppa, before you make
a decision,
243
00:08:44,990 --> 00:08:46,860
please come see
the school tomorrow,
244
00:08:46,990 --> 00:08:48,160
see what your dollar buys.
245
00:08:48,260 --> 00:08:49,990
Just keep an open mind.
246
00:08:49,990 --> 00:08:52,160
Ha! Open mind?
247
00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:53,700
I can be open-minded.
248
00:08:53,830 --> 00:08:55,060
You couldn't be open-minded
249
00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:56,700
if someone
cracked your head open.
250
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:58,570
And by "someone," I mean me.
251
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,240
Nina, I will be there.
252
00:09:01,340 --> 00:09:03,410
And my mind is open.
253
00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:05,770
However, my wallet
remains closed.
254
00:09:14,150 --> 00:09:15,220
Uh, Dad, you should
take your hat off.
255
00:09:15,350 --> 00:09:16,890
For who?
Is the pope in town?
256
00:09:17,020 --> 00:09:19,550
♪ And here's your gold star ♪
257
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:21,920
♪ For brightest smile ♪
258
00:09:22,060 --> 00:09:23,690
♪ And here's
your gold star ♪
259
00:09:23,690 --> 00:09:26,090
♪ For one good day
in a row ♪
260
00:09:26,230 --> 00:09:27,760
♪ And here's
your gold star ♪
261
00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:29,870
♪ For last place ♪
262
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:32,900
♪ Way to never
give up. ♪
263
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,370
Look at this.
Everybody here gets a gold star?
264
00:09:35,370 --> 00:09:36,910
Isn't it great?
265
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:37,770
See, this is
what I'm talking about
266
00:09:37,870 --> 00:09:39,340
with these types of schools.
267
00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:41,080
Hello, Fulton family.
268
00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:42,410
Welcome to Buckingham.
269
00:09:42,540 --> 00:09:43,850
It's a pleasure to have you.
270
00:09:43,950 --> 00:09:44,750
Oh, the pleasure is ours,
271
00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:45,880
Your Majesty.
272
00:09:45,980 --> 00:09:47,480
Mwah!
273
00:09:47,580 --> 00:09:48,880
I am so sorry.
274
00:09:48,980 --> 00:09:51,220
He does this when he's nervous.
It's a tic.
275
00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:52,860
Yeah, yeah.
276
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,090
Whenever I hear an accent,
I have to imitate it.
277
00:09:54,220 --> 00:09:55,560
Remember Jamaica?
278
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:56,930
Me can't get rid of me accent
279
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,090
for three weeks.
280
00:09:58,190 --> 00:09:59,560
Or your ganja habit.
281
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,230
Lord have mercy.
282
00:10:02,900 --> 00:10:04,030
You must be Trey.
283
00:10:04,130 --> 00:10:05,300
I'm Headmistress Pierce,
284
00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:06,670
but the students call me Susan.
285
00:10:06,770 --> 00:10:08,500
Hey, Susan,
want to see me lick my...
286
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:10,310
Hey.
No, hey.
No.
287
00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:13,080
Why don't you go and explore
our Leadership Lounge,
288
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:14,480
and I'll talk to your
parents and grandparents?
289
00:10:14,580 --> 00:10:17,040
See, Buckingham is
all about family.
290
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,510
We think of children as
trees that we nurture,
291
00:10:19,610 --> 00:10:22,120
but the family is the roots.
292
00:10:22,220 --> 00:10:25,120
Well, all this talk about trees
makes me want to leaves.
293
00:10:25,220 --> 00:10:27,460
Susan, get it?
294
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,990
I prefer the parents
call me Headmistress.
295
00:10:30,090 --> 00:10:32,230
Oh, my ex-husband
had a head mistress.
296
00:10:32,330 --> 00:10:34,230
Oh, and she was
good at her job.
297
00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:38,630
Are you smelling my hair?
298
00:10:38,730 --> 00:10:40,340
Uh, yes.
299
00:10:40,470 --> 00:10:43,970
Enough with all this
tiddlysquat and collywobble.
300
00:10:44,070 --> 00:10:47,210
I would love to have a look-see
at your learnatorium.
301
00:10:47,310 --> 00:10:48,440
Are you mocking me?
302
00:10:48,540 --> 00:10:50,610
Mocking you? No!
303
00:10:50,610 --> 00:10:52,950
God save the Queen, no!
304
00:10:53,050 --> 00:10:55,080
I can't stop. I'm sorry.
305
00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:58,020
Neither can I.
306
00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:00,120
Dr. Reed?!
307
00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:03,960
What in the Daniel Radcliffe
are you doing here?
308
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:05,360
Nina invited me.
309
00:11:05,490 --> 00:11:08,360
She wrote such a lovely
recommendation for Trey.
310
00:11:08,460 --> 00:11:10,830
And she insisted on coming.
311
00:11:10,930 --> 00:11:13,570
Oh, so this must be your
little radio girlfriend.
312
00:11:13,670 --> 00:11:15,600
And you must be
the bitter ex-wife.
313
00:11:16,470 --> 00:11:17,740
Maybe you are funny.
314
00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:20,310
I told you.
315
00:11:20,310 --> 00:11:21,880
I take it back.
316
00:11:21,980 --> 00:11:24,680
Well, what you probably
don't know
317
00:11:24,810 --> 00:11:26,750
is that I had the privilege
318
00:11:26,850 --> 00:11:30,820
of writing the Buckingham cheer
20 years ago.
319
00:11:30,820 --> 00:11:33,160
20 years ago, my ass.
320
00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:36,220
♪ Hey, Poppa, yeah,
hey, Poppa, yeah ♪
321
00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:37,490
♪ Introduce yourself, okay ♪
322
00:11:37,590 --> 00:11:38,890
♪ Introduce yourself ♪
323
00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:40,730
♪ Right on,
my name is Poppa, yeah ♪
324
00:11:40,860 --> 00:11:42,360
♪ And I'm a Buckster, yeah ♪
325
00:11:42,460 --> 00:11:44,170
♪ I cheer for Ivy,
all right, all right. ♪
326
00:11:44,270 --> 00:11:45,500
Oh.
327
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:47,100
Ow! I'm stuck.
328
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,740
And here's your gold star...
329
00:11:49,870 --> 00:11:53,440
♪ For finally making me laugh. ♪
330
00:11:57,110 --> 00:11:58,350
What is wrong with you?
331
00:11:58,450 --> 00:11:59,880
This reminds me
of high school.
332
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:02,920
You know, you-you actually
could still be in high school.
333
00:12:03,020 --> 00:12:04,290
High school, my ass.
334
00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:05,990
Really?
335
00:12:06,090 --> 00:12:07,720
Well, thank you, Joseph Joseph.
336
00:12:07,860 --> 00:12:09,720
You know what?
And you could be the hot jock
337
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:11,390
in a letterman's jacket.
338
00:12:11,490 --> 00:12:13,830
With the receding hairline.
339
00:12:13,930 --> 00:12:18,430
Hey, I'll take a half a 'fro
over a no-'fro anytime.
340
00:12:18,570 --> 00:12:22,040
And besides, what I have left
is very soft.
341
00:12:22,140 --> 00:12:24,110
I think they make
a blue pill for that.
342
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:29,950
Perhaps we should spend some
time in the wellness room.
343
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:31,710
The wellness room?
344
00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:34,120
What in the Meghan Markle
is that?
345
00:12:35,350 --> 00:12:37,120
I'm sorry. I-I can't stop.
346
00:12:41,290 --> 00:12:42,930
Children today are told
347
00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:45,190
to keep their negative emotions
locked away,
348
00:12:45,190 --> 00:12:48,530
but at Buckingham, we believe
that there's just no such thing
349
00:12:48,530 --> 00:12:49,970
as a negative emotion.
350
00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:52,200
Well, what's this thing
I'm feeling right now?
351
00:12:52,300 --> 00:12:54,600
Cynicism? Inferiority?
352
00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:56,810
I was thinking more of contempt.
353
00:12:56,940 --> 00:12:58,270
Well, perhaps you should
take this class.
354
00:12:58,370 --> 00:13:00,880
See, the children here learn
to turn suppression
355
00:13:00,980 --> 00:13:04,250
into expression,
with aggression.
356
00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:06,910
All right, children.
Time to let it all out.
357
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,450
Three, two, one.
358
00:13:09,550 --> 00:13:11,320
And rage!
359
00:13:19,090 --> 00:13:22,160
You're not the boss of me, Dad!
360
00:13:23,970 --> 00:13:26,370
This is money down the drain.
361
00:13:29,470 --> 00:13:30,470
Dad, wait.
362
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:33,240
I am not spending
my hard-earned money
363
00:13:33,340 --> 00:13:34,610
on this place.
364
00:13:34,610 --> 00:13:36,610
And there it is.
365
00:13:36,610 --> 00:13:37,810
Just admit it.
366
00:13:37,950 --> 00:13:39,710
The only reason
you don't want Trey to come here
367
00:13:39,810 --> 00:13:41,020
is because of money.
368
00:13:41,150 --> 00:13:42,990
No, because of my money.
369
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,790
See, I don't see you chipping in
to send him
370
00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:48,990
to this obnoxious, gold-star
touchy-feely-obsessed school.
371
00:13:49,090 --> 00:13:51,490
The only joke
I see here is you
372
00:13:51,590 --> 00:13:54,960
and your pompous, ignorant view
of this institution.
373
00:13:55,060 --> 00:13:56,060
Look, lady, let me
tell you something...
374
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:57,700
No, I will be doing the telling.
375
00:13:57,830 --> 00:13:59,200
I've had to stand here listening
376
00:13:59,300 --> 00:14:00,500
to your disparagingly
snide remarks
377
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,770
about something
I have dedicated my life to.
378
00:14:02,870 --> 00:14:04,710
Yeah, but...
You, sir, are a dinosaur.
379
00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:07,810
And I, for one, will not cry
when you become extinct.
380
00:14:07,810 --> 00:14:09,510
I feel sorry for Trey.
381
00:14:09,610 --> 00:14:11,350
There. I dressed you down.
382
00:14:11,480 --> 00:14:12,980
Hold up.
383
00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:14,850
You bargain basement
Mary Poppins.
384
00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:17,890
Nobody dresses
this man down but me.
385
00:14:18,020 --> 00:14:19,620
Now, sure,
he's pigheaded.
386
00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:20,820
You're damn right he is.
387
00:14:20,820 --> 00:14:22,190
And cheap.
Than a mug.
388
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,490
And always thinks
he's right about everything.
389
00:14:24,490 --> 00:14:26,790
Which he is not.
But...
390
00:14:26,790 --> 00:14:29,430
And here comes my mom's "but."
391
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,500
Junior,
I think I got this.
392
00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:34,570
But you can search
this world over
393
00:14:34,700 --> 00:14:36,370
and you will never find
another man
394
00:14:36,470 --> 00:14:38,810
who is more dedicated
and loving towards his family,
395
00:14:38,910 --> 00:14:40,940
and especially
his grandson.
396
00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:42,580
Now, he may not
be perfect...
397
00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:47,010
...but he's the best man
that I've ever known.
398
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:49,580
Hey, what about me, Cat?
399
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,290
Uh-- "Cat"? We not like that.
400
00:14:55,590 --> 00:14:57,290
Each to their own, dear.
401
00:14:59,830 --> 00:15:00,900
Wow, you meant that?
402
00:15:01,030 --> 00:15:02,400
Don't you make me regret
saying it.
403
00:15:02,530 --> 00:15:04,030
But yes.
404
00:15:04,030 --> 00:15:06,070
I know you only want
the best for Trey.
405
00:15:06,170 --> 00:15:07,570
I do. I just don't
want him to grow up
406
00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:11,540
to be a soft, spoiled,
entitled mooch.
407
00:15:11,540 --> 00:15:13,110
Like me.
408
00:15:15,010 --> 00:15:17,350
That's what
you're afraid of, right?
409
00:15:19,110 --> 00:15:22,180
I-I can't believe I just
hyped up my mom to defend you.
410
00:15:22,180 --> 00:15:24,690
Junior, listen...
No. No, Dad.
411
00:15:24,690 --> 00:15:26,220
I get it, all right?
412
00:15:26,220 --> 00:15:28,160
I'm a complete disappointment
to you.
413
00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:32,290
Junior.
414
00:15:32,430 --> 00:15:34,330
Not complete.
415
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:38,400
Go fix it.
416
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:40,100
Go fix it, and
I'll fix things
417
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,300
with Mary Poppins.
418
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:52,280
Junior.
You ever heard of knocking?
419
00:15:52,380 --> 00:15:54,980
You ever heard of not slamming
the door in your father's face?
420
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,580
You ever heard
of not being a jerk?
421
00:15:56,580 --> 00:15:58,050
You ever heard of
not calling your father a jerk?
422
00:15:58,050 --> 00:15:59,920
Only when
he's not a jerk!
423
00:16:00,020 --> 00:16:01,620
Which is rare.
424
00:16:01,720 --> 00:16:03,430
Look, Dad, I don't even know
why you're here.
425
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:05,190
It's obvious that
you're embarrassed by me.
426
00:16:05,290 --> 00:16:07,060
I'm not embarrassed by you, son.
427
00:16:07,060 --> 00:16:09,760
Well, you don't think
I have fire or grit.
428
00:16:09,860 --> 00:16:11,800
You know, and maybe
you're right, you know?
429
00:16:11,900 --> 00:16:14,600
Maybe I'm just a guy with
amazing arms, abs and chest
430
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,970
that likes to play
in the bathtub with toy boats.
431
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:19,110
But that's who I am, Dad,
all right?
432
00:16:19,110 --> 00:16:20,980
Whether you like it or not.
433
00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:24,980
You play with boats in the bath?
434
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:26,610
Yeah, it's fun.
435
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,320
Look, Jun--
436
00:16:32,850 --> 00:16:34,290
Look.
437
00:16:40,330 --> 00:16:43,470
Do I wish you were tougher? Yes.
438
00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:44,770
But you know what, son?
439
00:16:44,770 --> 00:16:46,730
In a lot of ways,
I look up to you.
440
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:49,740
You're smart.
441
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:53,310
You're kind.
442
00:16:53,310 --> 00:16:55,840
And your relationship
with Nina, I envy.
443
00:16:55,940 --> 00:17:00,320
You are a much better father
and husband than I ever was.
444
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:02,120
Well, do you ever think
445
00:17:02,220 --> 00:17:03,820
that's because
I went to private school?
446
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:06,050
And didn't get shoved in
a locker like you every day?
447
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:07,660
Well...
448
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,920
to be honest, I never got
shoved in the locker.
449
00:17:10,020 --> 00:17:12,090
I did the shoving.
450
00:17:12,930 --> 00:17:16,230
But seriously, son,
if-if I hurt your feelings,
451
00:17:16,330 --> 00:17:17,570
I'm sorry.
452
00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:20,600
Wh-What was that?
453
00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:22,540
You said sorry.
Those are kissing words.
454
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:24,940
I'm trying to apologize...
455
00:17:25,810 --> 00:17:26,940
Synonym.
456
00:17:28,110 --> 00:17:30,210
I don't make the rules.
I just enforce them.
457
00:17:30,310 --> 00:17:33,220
You think I want
to do this? No.
458
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,920
So, listen, you kiss everybody
that says "I'm sorry"?
459
00:17:36,050 --> 00:17:37,150
Mm.
460
00:17:38,990 --> 00:17:40,220
Yes.
461
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:43,460
Okay, Junior, listen,
this is not about you and me.
462
00:17:44,190 --> 00:17:46,030
This is about Trey and
what's best for him.
463
00:17:46,030 --> 00:17:48,730
And to be honest, I didn't
see anything at Buckingham
464
00:17:48,860 --> 00:17:50,200
to make me change my mind.
465
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:51,730
Well, maybe this will
change your mind.
466
00:17:51,870 --> 00:17:53,200
Trey, show him.
467
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:54,300
Check it out.
468
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:57,140
Whoa! Look at that cool T-shirt.
469
00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:58,340
Where'd you
get that from?
470
00:17:58,340 --> 00:18:00,780
I made it at school.
Try the QR code.
471
00:18:00,910 --> 00:18:02,110
What's that?
472
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:03,350
Take your phone and point it
at the little box.
473
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,410
I do that every night.
474
00:18:05,550 --> 00:18:06,680
It's not working.
475
00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:09,020
Is that a phone or a Life Alert?
476
00:18:12,950 --> 00:18:15,260
Whoa, look,
the podcast came up.
477
00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:16,420
This kid is smart.
478
00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:18,590
You-You did this
all at Buckingham?
479
00:18:18,690 --> 00:18:19,530
Duh.
480
00:18:21,630 --> 00:18:22,900
Wow.
481
00:18:22,900 --> 00:18:24,170
I'm impressed.
482
00:18:24,270 --> 00:18:26,130
Thank you, Poppa.
You're the best grandpa ever.
483
00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:27,770
Aw.
Aw.
484
00:18:27,870 --> 00:18:29,870
You hear that, Damon?
And you see that face?
485
00:18:29,970 --> 00:18:32,370
Now, if that doesn't melt
the ice on your wallet,
486
00:18:32,470 --> 00:18:33,570
then you really are the Grinch.
487
00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:36,910
You always
know what to say.
488
00:18:36,910 --> 00:18:38,810
Trey, I would be
489
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:40,350
honored to help pay
490
00:18:40,450 --> 00:18:41,880
- for your tuition.
- Yes.
491
00:18:41,980 --> 00:18:44,050
Joseph Joseph, now, I know
you're not gonna let Damon
492
00:18:44,150 --> 00:18:45,420
come in and steal
your glory again.
493
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:48,020
What? Of course not.
494
00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:49,890
I'll split it with you, 50/50.
495
00:18:49,990 --> 00:18:51,460
Mm-mm. Too late
for that, Jack.
496
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:54,460
Okay, fine.
You don't want my 50%?
497
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,400
I'll go 60.
Ooh.
498
00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:58,070
I've got 60%. Do we have 75?
499
00:18:58,170 --> 00:18:59,070
Do we have 75?
500
00:18:59,070 --> 00:19:01,270
- Seventy-five.
- 75% from Baldy.
501
00:19:01,370 --> 00:19:04,010
We got Tiny, Bald Head with 75,
back in the game.
502
00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:05,710
Do I hear 80?
Do we have 80?
503
00:19:05,810 --> 00:19:06,810
Ninety.
504
00:19:06,910 --> 00:19:09,480
90. Soft-Bottom Baby Shoes
with 90.
505
00:19:09,580 --> 00:19:11,450
Baby Shoes taking baby steps
to 90. Do I hear...
506
00:19:11,450 --> 00:19:13,320
- Ninety-five!
- 95!
507
00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:15,320
- Ninety-eight!
- 98!
508
00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:16,820
Going once, going twice...
509
00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:20,020
Sold to the sexy man
with two first names.
510
00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:21,490
That would be me.
511
00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:23,390
In your face, Damon.
512
00:19:23,490 --> 00:19:26,130
Nope, in your wallet.
That's right.
513
00:19:26,230 --> 00:19:28,360
In my... In...
514
00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:29,500
Wait a minute.
515
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:31,500
I've been had.
516
00:19:31,630 --> 00:19:35,370
Oh, Joseph Joseph,
my silly little puppet.
517
00:19:35,470 --> 00:19:37,710
Welcome to my web.
518
00:19:39,110 --> 00:19:40,110
♪ Hey, Junior? ♪
519
00:19:40,110 --> 00:19:41,240
♪ Yeah? ♪
520
00:19:41,340 --> 00:19:42,440
♪ Hey, Junior?
♪ Yeah? ♪
521
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:44,010
♪ Introduce yourself
♪ Okay ♪
522
00:19:44,110 --> 00:19:45,480
♪ Introduce yourself ♪
523
00:19:45,580 --> 00:19:47,080
♪ My name is Junior
♪ Yeah ♪
524
00:19:47,180 --> 00:19:48,280
♪ My son is Trey
♪ Yeah ♪
525
00:19:48,380 --> 00:19:49,850
♪ And he's a Buckster ♪
526
00:19:49,950 --> 00:19:51,150
♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah,
oh, yeah! ♪
527
00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:59,030
You kiss everybody
who says sorry?
528
00:20:02,530 --> 00:20:04,600
Mm. That's all?
529
00:20:04,700 --> 00:20:06,530
Oh, well...
530
00:20:09,940 --> 00:20:11,910
How's the petting?
531
00:20:12,910 --> 00:20:14,840
Is that good?
532
00:20:14,940 --> 00:20:17,040
No, you're petting him
like a dog.
533
00:20:19,050 --> 00:20:21,420
How many times
do you have to do this?
534
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:22,780
I think seven more.
535
00:20:22,780 --> 00:20:24,550
Like 70,000.
Yeah.
536
00:20:24,650 --> 00:20:26,520
Um...
But you guys are crushing it.
537
00:20:26,620 --> 00:20:28,660
Mm-hmm.
538
00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:31,260
Just like a baby's diaper.
539
00:20:32,330 --> 00:20:34,730
Let's get through this
so these kids stop roasting me.
540
00:20:39,300 --> 00:20:43,310
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
541
00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:47,010
and TOYOTA.
542
00:20:47,010 --> 00:20:51,450
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
37829
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