Original subtitles

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[PUNCHING]

ANNOUNCER: And now, DreamWorks Kung Fu

Panda-- Legends of Awesomeness.

THEME SONG: Here are the legends of the Kung Fu Panda.

Dum da, da, da, dum, dum, bam, boom, boom.

Raised in a noodle shop never seeking glory or fame.

He climbed the mountain top and earned the Dragon Warrior name.

Ooh! Ah!

Yah!

Kung Fu Panda.

Dum, da, da, dum, dum, da, dum, dum.

Master Shifu saw the warrior blossom

and master the skills of bodacious and awesome.

Kung Fu Panda!

Dum, dum, dum, da, dum, da, dum.

He lives and he trains and he fights with the Furious Five,

protect the valley, something, something, something, alive.

Ooh! Ah!

Yah!

Kung Fu Panda.

Legends of Awesomeness.

Sweet!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

DAD: There it is, son, the really incredibly

huge and lengthy wall of China.

Ah, needs a catchier name.

Um, perhaps, but it's kept our country safe for generations.

Then why is it breaking?

[CRUMBLING]

Why?

[CRACK]

[SCREAMS].

[FOOTSTEPS]

Pardon me, gentle sir.

Is this China?

Uh, ye-- yes.

Brilliant, if you'd kindly tell me

where I might find the Dragon Warrior,

I won't tear your arms off and beat you wonky with them.

Ha, ha, ha, funny monkey. [SLAM]

Ah, the Jade Palace-- that way.

[CRASH]

Much obliged.

[FOOTSTEPS]

[LICKING]

Beware, Dragon Warrior , the hunt is afoot.

And I, the Kim the Invincible-- I'm on your trail.

[FOOTSTEPS]

Great outdoors, here I come. Whoa!

[CRASH]

I may have over-packed.

Ouch.

Ah.

Dragon Warrior, where are you going?

It's me and my dad's annual camping trip, Zeng, kind

of a father-son bonding thing.

Ah, I think Master Shifu has other plans for you.

Hee yahh!

[CRASH]

Hey, what's the big idea?

Have you've forgotten?

We begin our Laoshi training this weekend.

Me? Forget?

No, I was-- I was-- ya!

Oh. [GRUNTING]

[CRASH]

Ow!

Oh, I've so been looking forward to it.

Laoshi training forms a special bond

between master and disciple.

[HOP]

Yeah, the thing is, this weekend is kind of bad for me.

[CRASH] -[SCREAM].

Oh! [SMACK]

Ha, ha. Such a kidder.

You know I sent the Five away so we could have this time

together, just the two of us.

Ha, ha, just I know.

And I'm sorry.

But this is the weekend my dad and I go camping.

It's really important to him.

I am very disappointed, Po, but I understand.

Great.

Thanks, Master Shifu-- kind of in a hurry,

so I'm going to go and--

I realise it makes no difference that I trained you,

believed in you, and made you what you are today.

Didn't I say thank you for that already?

I mean, I meant to.

So anyway, I got to--

After all, you do have a real father.

And that's more important, even though I've always thought

of you as the son I never had.

But it's all right.

I'll be fine here by myself all weekend alone.

I'll be with you, Master Shifu.

So, so alone.

Right, sorry.

See you in a few days, I-- I guess.

[STRAINING]

Come on, you stupid, guilt-ridden legs.

[STRAINING]

Oh.

Master Shifu, would you maybe, but probably not, think

about coming camping with us?

Really?

Are you sure it's not an imposition?

Ah, well, it kind of is.

Oh, I'd love to.

We can train in the great outdoors.

I'll get the equipment.

Oh, man.

Dad's going to kill me.

I'll be alone this weekend too if you're

looking for more company.

See you when you get back.

[CRASH]

I think your Chinese army knife,

matching father-son candle hat-- this is going

to be the best weekend ever. -Dad!

Oh, at last!

Oh, are you as excited as I am?

Ah, am I.

Just think, no more boring palace duties, no stuffy

Furious Five and cranky, old-face Shifu ordering you

around like a big meat puppet.

But the best part is that I'll have you all to myself-- just

devoted father, beloved son.

SHIFU (SINGING): Camping, we're camping.

We're camp, camp, camp, camp camping.

Heida-ho, campers.

I'm all set.

This is going to be the best camping trip ever.

But, but, but, but, but, but, but, but,

but, but, but, but, but.

I've got everything we need nunchucks,

corner stabs, throwing stars, and my favourite

meditation gong.

[GONG]

Ah, we'll be meditating for hours with this baby.

But, but, but, but, but, but.

Oh, Mr. Ping, believe me.

I didn't want to intrude.

But when Po begged me to come along, I couldn't refuse.

Po, may I speak to you?

Ahh!

I guess our father-son camping trip isn't important to you.

It is, dad, and so are you.

But I forgot I had special training with Master Shifu

this weekend.

He was really disappointed.

Not as disappointed as he's going to be.

Dad, look, Shifu is cranky and bossy

and has terrible tea breath.

But we can't leave him alone this weekend.

It'll break his furry, little heart.

(SINGING) Camping, camping, camp, camp, camp, camping.

Um, ahm, um, ahm, um, um, um, um, um.

Ahh.

It will be a pleasure to have you along, Shifu.

Thank you, Mr. Ping. Here.

This is for you-- [CRASH] a whole weekend of Kung Fu

and intense physical training.

What could be better?

(SINGING) Camping, camping, camp,

camp, camp, camp, camping.

Don't you feel good about yourself?

You're lucky I can't lift this thing.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SWEEPING]

[DOOR KNOCK]

Back so soon?

[CRASH]

Greetings.

I am Kim the Invincible. ZENG: Ow!

Oh, oh, you, help please.

[FOOTSTEPS]

Uggh. Oh!

I come to the Jade Palace looking for the Dragon Warrior.

[GULP] Dr-- Dragon Warrior?

Who-- you must have the wrong Kung Fu palace

built on a mountain of jade deposits.

Whoa!

Ahh!

[CRASH]

It has been my life's work to seek out and destroy

the world's greatest fighters.

And now, it is the Dragon Warrior's turn.

So where is he?

I'll never tell-- never.

Darn the luck, oh, I guess--

[SCREAM].

[CRASH] -OK, I'll talk.

I'll talk.

The Dragon Warrior is camping in the North Woods.

Now, please, just leave me alone.

Gladly. [FOOTSTEPS]

[ROAR]

[CRASH]

ZENG: Oh, why do you hate doors?

Before this day is out, the bones

of China's greatest champion will be ground to dust

beneath my heel.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[FOOTSTEPS]

[CRASH]

[SLAM]

[SNIFFING]

Panda fur, my enemy is nigh.

(SINGING) Camping, camping, camp,

camp, camp, camp, camp, camp, camping, camping, camping.

Camp, camp, camp, camp, camp, camp,

camp, camp, camping, camping.

Does he have to keep singing like that?

He's scaring the forest.

He's happy, dad.

That makes one of us.

Ah, oh, rockslide.

Fortunately, I know a short cut.

Follow me, Po.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

The campsite is right over that hill.

Follow me, Po.

Actually, that would take us the long way around.

It's this way, Po.

Shifu, you're a wise master.

But I've been hiking these woods for years.

Come, Po.

Mr. Ping, you're a respectable merchant.

But I've never led your son astray.

This way, Po.

Po, listen to your father.

Po, trust your teacher.

Ahh, mm.

I just-- ow! Owie!

Ahh!

[CRASH]

It is he.

How fortuitous.

I do so hope he bruises easily.

[FOOTSTEPS]

Follow me.

No, this way, Po.

Guys, come on.

Look, there's no need to argue.

I'll just clear the rocks off the trail.

Oh, I wouldn't do that.

Yes, maybe you better--

[AVALANCHE]

Unfortunate turn.

[CRASH]

[COUGHING]

Cleared the path.

[HAMMERING]

Psst.

Po, let's get a quick truffle hunt

before you know who butts in.

Mmmm, I does love me some truffles.

Sorry, Mr. Ping, but Po needs to begin his Laoshi training.

I also does love me some hitting stuff.

Shifu, Po and I always go truffle hunting.

But Po and I have a training schedule to meet.

-Truffle hunt. -Training.

-Truffles. -Training.

Guys, guys, guys, guys come on, please.

May I speak to each of you privately.

Sorry, dad, Shifu is a total control freak.

You start hunting.

I'll humour him a bit.

And then I'll join you.

Hmm, you're right.

He does have tea breath.

Sorry, my dad has these dumb, you know, pointless traditions.

What are truffles anyway?

I mean, does anyone know?

Yes.

Let's begin.

Ha!

Ho, I need help.

Oh, hey, that's my dad.

I-- he falls into ditches-- such a klutz, ha, be right back.

Perfect timing, son.

Look, it's the mother truffle load.

Oh, forget that silly training and dig, dig.

I, uh, better get us a bigger basket.

Be right back.

Where's your focus, Po.

Concentration is essential to--

Wait, wait, I, uh, wanted to show you

my new nunchucks-- be right back.

Ah, this one is putting up a fight.

We need to show the truffle who is boss, dad-- be right back.

Be right back.

Trick time, be right back.

Truffle time, be right back.

Oh, um, please, boil these up while they're fresh.

Hmm.

Attack mode.

[BANG]

Ah!

[CRASH]

[SIGH]

[CRASH]

[HEAVY BREATHING]

Let's take a short break, shall we?

[CRASH]

[FOOTSTEPS]

Oh, ahh.

Oh, poor Po.

This truffle soup will fix you right up.

Here, son, I made it with love, sweat, and fungus.

Mmm. Huh?

-I'm sorry, no soup tonight. -What?

What? What?

What? -Po is in training.

He has to eat this special power cake I brought.

Ahh.

I always make Po truffle soup when we camp.

It's a time-honored family tradition.

But this cake is made with sulfuric compounds

to promote stamina, much healthier.

Ahh. MR. PING: Po needs soup.

SHIFU: It looks like he's had more than enough

of your cooking.

MR. PING: He needs to keep up his strength because you

boss him around all day.

Guys, please.

I'm sure they're both good.

See? Mmm.

Po, no!

[FIRE]

The sulphur in the cake is volatile

when mixed with hot water.

Oh, well, no harm done.

-Wait for it. -My soup!

Po was right about you.

You are bossy, angry, and bitter.

Po would never say that about me.

Right.

You're not angry.

But Po was right about your boring, pointless camping

traditions.

Pointlessly awesome.

Po, I-- I thought you loved camping with me.

Do you really find me angry and bitter?

So uncomfortable right now.

You turned my son against me.

You've always been jealous of how Po looks up to me.

Son turn-er against-er.

Jealous noodle jockey.

You're a meddler.

Take that back.

MR. PING: It's called personal space.

SHIFU: Oh, you're a silly person.

MR. PING: Same to you.

That's it.

I've had it with the both of you.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, daw, wiggin.

[HEAVY BREATHING] Look, I love you both.

But it's impossible to make either of you

happy without hurting the other one.

So I'm not going to try.

Po, where are you going?

To be by myself.

Everyone's miserable around here, including me.

Po.

He also said you had tea breath.

Ah, fathers are crazy and so are father figures.

There's no way to understand them.

KIM: Understanding, they say, is the beginning of wisdom.

And you're about to receive an education in pain!

[SCREAM]

[SWIPE]

[FOOTSTEPS]

[CRASH]

[FOOTSTEPS]

Ah, excuse me, do I know you?

Oh, how rude of me.

I am Kim the Invincible.

We'll see about that, fella.

Time for you to grab a seat on the pain train.

Wa!

OK, that hurt.

[PUNCH]

[CRASH]

Hence the appellation, Invincible.

[FOOTSTEPS]

[SCREAM]

[GROAN]

[METAL CLANK]

[CRASH]

[METAL CLANK]

[CRASH]

[GROANING]

Time to beat at your body parts.

But first, I shall do to you what I do to all

of my soon to be mangled prey.

Is it worse than the mangling?

It's better.

I'm going to give you an up-close look at my body art.

You always wanted Po for yourself.

That's why you keep him cooped up in your fancy-smancy palace.

Please, you're always calling him in to work at that filthy,

rundown noodle shop.

Oh, you insult my noodle shop?

That's it.

It's gold time, baby.

Back off, Ping.

I have no wish to--

PO: Help!

Imposing, aren't they?

I get one for each poor wretch I annihilate.

Like the lion warrior I eviscerated in lower Zambia

or the plucky spider monkey whom I brained in the sultry jungles

of Borneo.

Soon, I was covered with mementos of my fallen enemies.

But one spot I left blank, and that spot

is for you, the Dragon Warrior, the greatest prize of all

and the foe whom I shall make suffer more than all

of the others combined.

It's an honour?

Po has been captured by some inky hippo.

We've got to help him.

Wait.

That's Kim the Invincible.

A physical attack would be useless.

I suppose you've got a better idea, huh?

Smart guy?

I might.

Time for your particularly excruciating

demise, Dragon Warrior.

Ah, I'm warning you, Kim.

It'll take more than tattoos and fancy talking words

to destroy me. -Oh?

What if I crushed your head with this rock?

Ding dong.

SHIFU: Howdy, neighbour.

[GASP].

Be careful!

We were just camping nearby.

And we're just about to eat this delicious soup I made.

Care for some?

Silver cake, hot water, awesome!

Quite, you.

I am a bit peckish. [CRASH]

Wait. Try adding this spicy herb cake.

Then the soup won't taste so bitter.

My soup is not bitter.

Ah-oh.

But, old friend, remember my idea for a special soup?

Actually, it was my idea.

No, wasn't.

Yes, it was.

-No, it wasn't. -Was.

SHIFU: It was not. MR. PING: Was.

SHIFU: No, wrong.

MR. PING: Yeah, it was.

Ahh.

[FIGHTING SOUNDS]

[SPLASH]

[SCREAM]

You blighters will pay for that faux pas with your lives.

[FOOTSTEPS]

Not quite.

[CRASH]

I'll take it from here, guys.

Oh, will you now?

[CRASH]

Yow!

[PUNCH]

[GASP]

[METAL CLANGING]

Not good. No good.

Oh, ooh!

[SCREAM]

[CRASH]

[SPINNING]

[SCREAM]

[CRASH]

Oh.

Ah!

[CRASH]

Geez, ow!

Ooh!

[CRASH]

[SPINNING] Ah!

Ooh! Eee!

Ow! Aww.

[METAL CLANGING]

[SCREAM]

Ping, grab the chain and do the exact opposite of what I do.

Shouldn't be a problem.

[METAL CLANGING]

What are you doing?

Stop that.

[CRASH]

[STRAINING]

[GROWL]

[ROAR]

[CRASH]

You dare delay Kim the Invincible

from crushing his quarry.

Your pitiful ruse ends now.

[ROAR]

[SPLASH]

Fire in the hippo!

[SPLAT]

Fools.

As previously stated, nothing can

pierce my impenetrable hide.

Yeah, but what about your extremely penetrable tummy?

[RUMBLE]

[EXPLOSION]

I don't feel well at all.

You're about to feel a whole lot worse.

Shakabooie!

[KICK]

[CRASH]

[BURP]

Nice work, partner.

Couldn't have done it without you.

(SINGING) Camping, camp, camp, camp, camp,

camping, camping, camping.

Camp, camp, camp, camping.

I'm so glad you guys were able to work

through your disturbing father issues.

We realise that we have one big thing in common.

We both love you, Po, every much.

And now that we understand each other,

I'm really looking forward to next year's camping trip.

Not going to happen, whiskers.

Yeah, I'll be busy next year.

Later.

Ahh, alone again.

Master Shifu, great to see you back.

So, so alone.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[THEME MUSIC]