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1
00:00:01,369 --> 00:00:03,437
CHRIS ROCK:
As much as I loved
growing up in Bed-Stuy,
2
00:00:03,471 --> 00:00:06,407
the place I loved even more
was down South.
3
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:09,410
After segregation and before
the 2 Live Crew, down South
4
00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:11,312
was good, and the weather
was always beautiful.
5
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:13,414
Hey, Mom, when are we
going down South again?
6
00:00:13,447 --> 00:00:15,616
When the Klan breaks up.
I don't know, baby.
7
00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:17,151
That'll be nice.
Hey, Ma.
8
00:00:17,185 --> 00:00:18,352
Who's that?
9
00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:20,788
Oh, that's your
Cousin Beanie!
10
00:00:20,821 --> 00:00:22,223
You know what, she's
12, just like you.
11
00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:24,258
Except Cousin Beanie's
not evil.
12
00:00:24,292 --> 00:00:25,793
You know what,
maybe we should plan
13
00:00:25,826 --> 00:00:26,827
a trip down South.
14
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,163
I don't like down South;
people act too country.
15
00:00:29,197 --> 00:00:31,199
They're not acting.
Well, I wish
I could go.
16
00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:33,101
Well, Drew and Tonya,
you guys get washed up.
17
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:34,602
We're about to eat.
18
00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:38,606
Hey!
Hey!
19
00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:39,607
Hey!
20
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:40,574
Hey, little man.
21
00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:41,775
Hey, Uncle Louis!
22
00:00:41,809 --> 00:00:43,111
Hey.
Hey.
23
00:00:43,144 --> 00:00:45,413
Hi? Hello?
24
00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:47,815
Uh-oh. What's wrong?
25
00:00:47,848 --> 00:00:49,850
LOUIS:
I just found out
that Uncle Morris died.
26
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,419
Uncle Morris?
27
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:53,087
Yeah. He taught me how to drive.
28
00:00:53,121 --> 00:00:54,322
Well, who was
Uncle Morris?
29
00:00:54,355 --> 00:00:56,224
He's my mother's sister's
second husband.
30
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:58,259
A stick shift.
31
00:00:58,292 --> 00:01:00,094
Oh, baby.
Well, when's the funeral?
32
00:01:00,128 --> 00:01:01,162
Next week.
33
00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:02,330
Down South.
Oh.
34
00:01:02,363 --> 00:01:03,831
I don't think we can go.
35
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:05,766
Baby, what do you
mean, we can't go?
36
00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:07,301
We can't afford to go.
37
00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:09,670
You can't put a price tag
on family, Julius.
38
00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:11,472
Yeah, but he'll give you
five dollars to shut up.
39
00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:13,707
Louis is right.
Family is family, baby.
40
00:01:13,741 --> 00:01:15,809
Family is family.
41
00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:17,678
So we're going down South?
42
00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:19,113
Yep.
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00:01:19,147 --> 00:01:20,614
Thanks, Uncle Morris.
44
00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:30,691
* Ah, make it funky now.
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00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:34,195
Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION
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CHRIS ROCK:
Back at school, I tried
to bring Greg up to speed
47
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,352
on the new direction
of the South.
Down South?
48
00:01:58,386 --> 00:01:59,687
You mean, like, across
the Mason-Dixon Line?
49
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:02,790
Yeah, you know, Georgia,
Alabama, Mississippi,
South Carolina.
50
00:02:02,823 --> 00:02:03,624
Mississippi?
51
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:05,793
Are you trying
to get yourself killed?
52
00:02:05,826 --> 00:02:07,928
You going to Mississippi
is like me going to,
53
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,730
hmm, I don't know,
Mississippi.
54
00:02:09,763 --> 00:02:11,565
Man, it's not
like that anymore.
55
00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:13,467
Yes, it is.
Anyway, I
want to go.
56
00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:14,802
Down South, the
food is better.
57
00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:17,838
The cops don't beat
the crap out of you,
and nobody's on crack.
58
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:19,773
That's because everybody's
on the porch.
59
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,642
Well, I'm sorry
about your uncle, man.
60
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,777
I'll see you
when you get back.
All right.
61
00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:26,747
Before you could buy
plane tickets on the Internet,
62
00:02:26,780 --> 00:02:29,350
the cheapest way to travel
was to take Greyhound.
63
00:02:29,383 --> 00:02:30,551
How's it going?
64
00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:31,919
Well, they've only got
two busses
65
00:02:31,952 --> 00:02:33,854
that go to Greenville,
South Carolina.
66
00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:36,257
The cheaper one goes
to Camden, Portsmouth,
67
00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:38,426
Baltimore, Richmond,
Baltimore again,
68
00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:40,894
Raleigh, Toledo, Gastonia...
Darryl Richardson's house,
69
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:42,530
What?
Boston,
70
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:44,265
the Crossroads, Atlanta,
then Greenville.
71
00:02:44,298 --> 00:02:46,734
Well, does the other bus
make less stops? Oh!
72
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:49,870
Yeah, but it costs
almost $200 more.
73
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,672
Well, why don't we just drive?
74
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,407
I love a road trip.
75
00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:55,843
What, are... you going with us?
76
00:02:55,876 --> 00:02:59,647
(laughs):
Well, how else am I supposed
to get there, silly?
77
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,549
You want to...
(imitates air rushing)
78
00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:02,783
* Superman!
79
00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:04,652
(laughing)
Blink!
Yes, master.
80
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:08,922
(laughing)
Well, I-I just assumed
you'd be flying-- I mean...
81
00:03:08,956 --> 00:03:10,924
you don't want to be
on no bus with us.
82
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:12,826
Are you kidding?
83
00:03:12,860 --> 00:03:14,462
I love the bus!
84
00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:15,496
(laughs)
85
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:16,864
Man, I get
to spend time
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00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:18,466
with my big brother
and his family,
87
00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:20,868
see the sights,
meet new people,
and best of all,
88
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:22,970
sing-alongs.
89
00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:24,305
Sing it with me.
90
00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:28,542
* Now I lay me down
to sleep, bow! *
91
00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:30,010
(Louis imitating electric bass)
92
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:32,446
* Whoo! I just can't
93
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:33,747
BOTH:
* Find the beat
94
00:03:33,781 --> 00:03:35,949
* Flashlight, light
95
00:03:35,983 --> 00:03:37,951
(imitating electric bass)
96
00:03:37,985 --> 00:03:39,987
* Now, Neon light...
Take the bass part.
97
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:42,456
BOTH (deep voice):
* Neon light...
98
00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:43,591
(laughter)
99
00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:47,561
Um, uh, Julius, can you
come upstairs with me
100
00:03:47,595 --> 00:03:49,930
for a second?
He can if Uncle Louis
isn't coming.
101
00:03:51,365 --> 00:03:52,600
* La, da, da
102
00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:54,868
(Louis continues humming,
imitating bass)
103
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:56,804
What is wrong with you?
104
00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:58,038
Do you hear that?
105
00:03:58,071 --> 00:04:00,941
* Everybody's got
a little light *
106
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:03,377
(falsetto):
* Under the sun,
under the sun... *
107
00:04:03,411 --> 00:04:05,012
That's what's
wrong with me.
108
00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:08,582
Look, I'm not gonna
spend 26 hours on a bus
with my brother.
109
00:04:08,616 --> 00:04:10,584
I love him, but
he drives me nuts.
110
00:04:10,618 --> 00:04:12,353
Baby, why? I mean,
he's always laughing
111
00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:14,655
(musical squeaking)
and smiling
and in a good mood.
112
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:17,391
Exactly. And while
he's having fun, you
know what I'm doing?
113
00:04:17,425 --> 00:04:19,059
Working. Look, look.
114
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:21,895
* Everybody's got a little...
I'm not trying
to be unreasonable,
115
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:23,864
but I just
cannot take it.
Okay...
116
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:26,033
Baby, look,
I can't take it.
All right, I got you.
117
00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:28,969
* Under the sun, under...
Just calm down.
I'll handle it.
118
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:31,071
After my mother convinced
my Uncle Louis to fly,
119
00:04:31,104 --> 00:04:33,907
we headed to Port Authority,
the only place in New York
120
00:04:33,941 --> 00:04:37,711
scarier than our neighborhood.
Okay, I want y'all to be
real careful in here.
121
00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:40,381
This place is full of
pickpockets, pimps and...
122
00:04:40,414 --> 00:04:42,916
and-and murderers and
child molesters and thieves.
123
00:04:42,950 --> 00:04:44,785
That's the Port Authority
slogan.
124
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:46,320
Rochelle, don't scare 'em.
125
00:04:46,354 --> 00:04:47,220
Too late.
126
00:04:47,254 --> 00:04:48,989
Julius, this place
is full of hustlers
127
00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:51,359
trying to prey
on innocent people.
128
00:04:51,392 --> 00:04:52,826
She said the same thing
129
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:55,028
when we visited Washington, DC.
130
00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:57,865
So that's why I decided
to divide our money
131
00:04:57,898 --> 00:04:59,500
between me,
you and Chris.
132
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:00,634
You did?
133
00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:03,937
Yeah. So just in case
somebody pickpockets one of us,
134
00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:05,439
they won't get us all.
135
00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:06,340
Well, where'd you put it?
136
00:05:06,374 --> 00:05:08,008
(whispers):
It's in your shirt pocket.
137
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:09,042
Don't look
138
00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:10,778
for it now!
139
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:13,080
Hey, there's the gate
right there.
140
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:15,449
Don't touch anything.
141
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:17,751
And don't make eye contact
with strangers.
142
00:05:17,785 --> 00:05:21,088
(woman speaking indistinctly
over P.A.)
143
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:23,891
(over P.A.):
Please check the board
for updates.
144
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:26,994
MAN (over P.A.):
Two security guards
report to Gate 4.
145
00:05:27,027 --> 00:05:28,796
Two security guards
report to...
146
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:31,064
This pocket doesn't open.
147
00:05:31,098 --> 00:05:33,501
Oh, well,
I sewed the top closed,
148
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,569
and I left it open on the side.
149
00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:37,938
Star Jones had that done
to her stomach.
150
00:05:37,971 --> 00:05:40,007
Ma, I'm hungry.
Can we get a snack?
151
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,542
Are you nuts?
152
00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:43,577
Have you seen the rats
in this place?
153
00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:45,112
Let's just go home
and eat there.
154
00:05:45,145 --> 00:05:46,747
Same rats, different borough.
155
00:05:46,780 --> 00:05:49,417
Okay, okay, we'll get something
from the vending machines.
156
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:51,084
I'll go get the tickets.
157
00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:53,621
All right, well, Chris,
get these bags together, okay?
158
00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:54,888
We'll be right back.
159
00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:56,724
Keep your eyes open.
And put the money
160
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,692
away, boy!
Come on.
161
00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:04,465
TONYA:
Oh, Ma, TV seats!
Can we watch, please?
162
00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:06,567
Okay, we got time
for one show,
163
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,469
and then we got
to go back.
164
00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:10,471
Me first.
165
00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:12,806
Well, let me get some change.
166
00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:20,781
It's broken.
167
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,150
Well, didn't you see me
168
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:25,419
about to put money
in there?
Yeah.
169
00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:28,989
Well, why didn't you
say something?
170
00:06:29,022 --> 00:06:30,491
Ain't that how it goes.
171
00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:33,527
Ma, this TV doesn't work.
172
00:06:33,561 --> 00:06:36,096
Miss, my bus is leaving
for Fort Lauderdale soon.
173
00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:37,965
You can have my seat then.
174
00:06:37,998 --> 00:06:39,767
Thank you so much.
175
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,001
Eh, it's not a problem.
176
00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:43,003
(laughs briefly)
177
00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:45,806
Como esta, everybody?
178
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:47,007
Top o' the morning to you.
179
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,075
Top o' the day.
180
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:49,577
Wherever you think
you're going,
181
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:50,978
tiempo para jugar!
182
00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:53,013
It's time to play.
183
00:06:53,046 --> 00:06:55,483
Ladies and gentlemen,
I got three cards here.
184
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:57,217
You guys got courage?
You know what luck is?
185
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:59,019
Luck is opportunity
and preparedness
186
00:06:59,052 --> 00:07:00,120
coming together as one.
187
00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:01,789
And I'm prepared.
Are you?
188
00:07:01,822 --> 00:07:04,725
Three simple cards-- you tell me
which one's it gonna be?
189
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,727
Can you find the jack?
190
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,496
It's all about this
jack, and if you pick
191
00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:10,030
the right one out
of these three cards,
192
00:07:10,063 --> 00:07:11,565
you can win some
money right now.
193
00:07:11,599 --> 00:07:12,966
Come on, sir, I feel
your intensity over there.
194
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,367
"Hmm, I could win some money,
I could get my wife
195
00:07:14,401 --> 00:07:17,070
a nice little present;
I could bring it on
the bus when I see her."
196
00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:19,473
Come on. Here we go.
What you got for me?
197
00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:21,008
You got to find
this jack. You ready?
198
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,843
It's all about what you see
and what you saw.
199
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:23,911
Where's the jack, sir?
200
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,212
Uh, ten bucks right here.
201
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:25,979
Right there, huh?
202
00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:27,581
Let's turn that
over. Pa-pow!
203
00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:29,016
(laughs)
Ten dollars.
204
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,484
This man's a winner, everybody.
205
00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:32,986
This man's a winner, and
I over here am a giver.
206
00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:35,022
There you go, sir--
lucky man, lucky man, indeed.
207
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,857
We're gonna start it
up and running again.
208
00:07:36,890 --> 00:07:38,526
We're talking about...
209
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:39,727
the jack, where's the jack?
210
00:07:39,760 --> 00:07:42,229
I'm pretty sure
it's out on the end.
211
00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:44,197
What about you, man, you want
to jump in on this? Here we go.
212
00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:46,800
Oh...!
213
00:07:46,834 --> 00:07:48,536
Money, money goes around,
214
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:50,504
money, money,
can it be found?
215
00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:53,006
Congratulations. We gonna
keep this dance going.
216
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:54,174
(several people talking)
217
00:07:54,207 --> 00:07:56,577
Little man,
why don't you play?
218
00:07:56,610 --> 00:07:58,879
Nah. I'm not allowed to gamble.
219
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:00,113
Aw, this ain't gambling.
220
00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,181
This is easy. You
can handle this.
221
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:04,051
See these three
little cards?
I'll show you
222
00:08:04,084 --> 00:08:05,085
what it's all about, see?
223
00:08:05,118 --> 00:08:08,088
All you have to do
is see if you... can pick...
224
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:11,024
the right... card.
225
00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:12,225
Where's the right card?
226
00:08:14,227 --> 00:08:16,063
There.
Little man.
227
00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:17,565
I'm on him.
What's up,
little man,
228
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:19,232
you want to put a
little money on that?
229
00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:22,002
It would've been great to take
the quicker bus down South,
230
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:24,137
and even though
my mind said, "Don't do it,"
231
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:26,540
my mouth said...
$20.
232
00:08:26,574 --> 00:08:28,241
WOMAN:
$20 on the young man.
233
00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:32,112
All right. Why don't you
turn that card over.
234
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:34,081
Yeah!
235
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:35,783
I knew I wasn't supposed
to gamble,
236
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:38,085
but I was doing it
for a good cause,
237
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,920
(excited shouting)
and I was winning.
238
00:08:39,953 --> 00:08:41,622
(whooping)
Oh, man!
239
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:43,256
Shuffle the cards
and where's the jack?
240
00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:45,793
Turn it over, little
man. Turn it over.
241
00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:47,861
(excited shouting)
Yeah! All right!
242
00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:49,096
You cannot lose!
243
00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:52,600
There you go-- the money is
being passed around, everybody.
244
00:08:52,633 --> 00:08:53,567
Can you feel it?
245
00:08:53,601 --> 00:08:54,835
There's a jack in here.
246
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,103
You need to tell me,
247
00:08:56,136 --> 00:08:57,571
where is it?
248
00:08:57,605 --> 00:08:59,773
$50.
I'll match you.
249
00:08:59,807 --> 00:09:02,175
I'm there, I'm there.
WOMAN:
He has not lost.
250
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:03,243
You sure?
251
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:05,613
Hundred dollars
says you're wrong.
252
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,216
I don't have a hundred.
253
00:09:09,249 --> 00:09:12,219
Whatcha got?
$80.
254
00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:14,254
Throw it down.
255
00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:16,323
(others oohing)
256
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:17,658
$80.
257
00:09:17,691 --> 00:09:19,092
This was gonna be easy money.
258
00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:20,994
Turn it over.
259
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:23,964
(others gasping)
260
00:09:23,997 --> 00:09:26,299
WOMAN:
Oh, my Lord.
261
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:33,206
I got jacked
with a deck of cards.
262
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,346
* Everybody's got
a little light *
263
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:41,882
* Under the sun,
under the sun *
264
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,116
* Under the sun
265
00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:44,818
(weird, deep voice):
* Oh, flashlight
266
00:09:44,852 --> 00:09:45,953
Uncle Louis?
267
00:09:45,986 --> 00:09:47,254
No, it's Bootsy Collins.
268
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:49,289
* Flashlight...
269
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:51,391
Come on, man, are you okay?
270
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:54,327
Yeah. I thought
you were flying to the funeral.
271
00:09:54,361 --> 00:09:57,197
Oh, yeah, but the weather
was so bad that they
cancelled my flight,
272
00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:59,266
so I decided to ride
the bus with you.
273
00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:00,233
(chuckles)
274
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:02,169
Excuse you.
275
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:03,336
Sheesh!
276
00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:05,005
Hey, where's the big man?
277
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:06,239
Oh, he's out
getting the tickets.
278
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,742
Oh, cool. Hey, can you
go find him and tell him
to get me one?
279
00:10:08,776 --> 00:10:10,410
Yeah, but can you
watch the bags?
280
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:13,213
Absolutely. Oh, and
if you see your mom,
tell her I'm here.
281
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:17,217
I'll try to get the words out
while she's choking me.
282
00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:24,792
* Now I lay me
down to sleep... *
283
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,729
As hard as my father worked
for his money,
284
00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:30,397
I couldn't tell him
I got taken,
285
00:10:30,430 --> 00:10:33,100
so I decided to get the money
back on my own...
286
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,835
by any means necessary.
287
00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:36,737
Watch your bags
as you go to the bathroom.
288
00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:37,805
Oh, thank you,
thank you.
289
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:38,706
Watch your bags...
290
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:41,408
Hey. Come on now.
You know it's not yours.
291
00:10:41,441 --> 00:10:43,911
Take a picture with a black kid.
292
00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:47,214
What?
293
00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:49,149
Warm your gloves.
Glove-warming.
294
00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:02,429
Oh, no, terrible.
Oh, this is horrible.
295
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:04,331
What's he doing?
No rhythm.
296
00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:06,666
Can I help you?
297
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:08,435
Yeah, I need five tickets;
298
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:10,437
two adults, three children
299
00:11:10,470 --> 00:11:12,706
to Greenville, South Carolina
leaving at 8:30.
300
00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:13,907
That bus is delayed.
301
00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:16,343
I know, but whatever time
it's leaving
302
00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:17,845
I'm still gonna need tickets.
303
00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:18,445
Where are they?
304
00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:20,380
Who?
305
00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:22,315
The children. I can't sell you
children's tickets
306
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:23,316
unless I see the children.
307
00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:25,052
Why not?
308
00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:26,386
Because what if they're adults?
309
00:11:26,419 --> 00:11:28,388
Lady, I am not running a scam.
310
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:30,057
I need to go to a funeral.
311
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:31,458
Sorry to hear that.
312
00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:33,093
I still need to see the kids.
313
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:35,428
Ma'am, I've been waiting in line
almost an hour.
314
00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:37,865
And you didn't have time
to go get the children.
315
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:44,471
Lady, I am buying bus tickets
to Greenville, South Carolina.
316
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:46,874
Now that has to be
the worst scam on Earth.
317
00:11:46,907 --> 00:11:48,909
Now, if I am
that desperate
318
00:11:48,942 --> 00:11:50,377
to get out of New York City,
319
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:52,179
you don't want me
hanging around,
320
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:54,247
especially around the time
you get off.
321
00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:55,382
Is that a threat?
322
00:11:55,415 --> 00:11:59,052
Let's just say it's a scenario.
323
00:11:59,086 --> 00:12:03,290
Two adults, three kids.
That's $180.
324
00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:04,992
They said it was $120.
325
00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:07,060
That was our Underground
Railroad special.
326
00:12:07,094 --> 00:12:08,261
It's been discontinued.
327
00:12:08,295 --> 00:12:10,430
How much
are slave ship tickets?
328
00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,303
Chris.
329
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:17,404
Get out of the way, huh?
330
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:18,505
Hey, Dad.
331
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:21,008
Who's watching our stuff?
332
00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:22,009
Uncle Louis.
333
00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:23,410
Uncle Louis is here?
334
00:12:23,443 --> 00:12:25,378
What'd he do, get kicked off
the plane for singing?
335
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,781
No, his flight got canceled,
so he wants to ride with us.
336
00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:29,316
He wants you
to buy him a ticket.
337
00:12:29,349 --> 00:12:30,350
Buy him a ticket?
338
00:12:30,383 --> 00:12:32,452
I don't have enough money
to buy our tickets.
339
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:34,087
How come? What happened?
340
00:12:34,121 --> 00:12:35,088
Forget about it.
341
00:12:35,122 --> 00:12:37,024
Just give me the money
your mother gave you.
342
00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:40,493
Excuse me.
I'll be back in five years.
343
00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:44,031
Oh, um, I don't have it.
344
00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:46,033
What do you mean
you don't have it?
345
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:47,267
What happened to it?
346
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:51,104
The best thing
about having two parents
347
00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:53,306
is that usually one of them
wants you to live.
348
00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:55,075
But my father
could only help me
349
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,176
if I told the truth.
350
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:57,277
Three-card monte.
351
00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:59,046
Chris, I'm gonna get
that money back.
352
00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:00,480
Yo, here we go. Bang!
353
00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:03,550
Had your eyes on the prize!
354
00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:05,585
Jacks to be found,
I'm throwing the money down.
355
00:13:05,618 --> 00:13:07,554
Money coming out
to the players.
356
00:13:07,587 --> 00:13:09,389
You want to keep winning,
ring around the rosy.
357
00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:12,492
You got to find the jack
and you're gonna win the crown.
358
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:14,427
Make your money stack
and find the jack.
359
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:15,462
Place your bets.
360
00:13:15,495 --> 00:13:16,196
It's right there.
361
00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:17,364
Are you sure?
Place your bets.
362
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:19,432
Positive.
363
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,434
I got $50 on it.
364
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:24,838
Oh. $100 says that you wrong.
365
00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:27,040
Are you sure that's the card?
366
00:13:27,074 --> 00:13:28,108
Yeah.
367
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,378
Here we go.
368
00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:32,212
There you go.
369
00:13:32,245 --> 00:13:36,183
Take a bat.
Show me where it's at.
370
00:13:36,216 --> 00:13:38,418
(all groan)
371
00:13:38,451 --> 00:13:39,419
Hmm-hmm-hmm.
372
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:42,355
Don't frown.
Don't frown.
373
00:13:42,389 --> 00:13:44,524
This is the kind of experience
374
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,526
that brings a father and son
closer...
375
00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:47,928
closer to death.
376
00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:54,201
The only thing my father
hated more than losing money
377
00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:55,202
was borrowing money.
378
00:13:55,235 --> 00:13:56,469
Three-card monte?
379
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:59,172
Yeah, we thought
we had the jack.
380
00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:01,574
Look, look, I'm sorry, bro.
381
00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:04,344
I just don't have that much
on me right now.
382
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:05,212
Come on, man.
383
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:06,513
Uncle Morris taught you
how to drive.
384
00:14:06,546 --> 00:14:08,515
Stick shift.
385
00:14:09,449 --> 00:14:11,318
Sorry.
386
00:14:18,125 --> 00:14:19,326
The rain had fallen,
387
00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:21,528
butthe storm
was just about to hit.
388
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:25,966
Y'all acting like
somebody else died.
389
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:27,034
What happened?
390
00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:28,068
ALL:
Oh, nothing!
391
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:30,337
Everything's all right,
you know.
392
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,072
(all clamoring)
393
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:33,073
I just want
a hug...
394
00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:34,641
from Tonya!
395
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:37,377
Hey!
Yeah!
396
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:38,578
You're so funny.
397
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:41,214
Why y'all acting all suspicious?
398
00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:42,015
I'm not acting suspicious.
399
00:14:42,049 --> 00:14:43,483
I was over there,
but now here.
400
00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:45,919
But we're cool.
Just having
401
00:14:45,953 --> 00:14:48,021
some good times, you know?
402
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:53,560
Don't make me have
to get it out of you.
403
00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:56,196
Okay, I played three-card monte
404
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:58,065
and I lost all the money
that you gave me to hold.
405
00:14:58,098 --> 00:14:59,566
Then I tried to win it back
406
00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:01,368
and I lost the rest
of the money.
407
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,105
I-I didn't do anything.
408
00:15:11,578 --> 00:15:12,612
Gambling?!
409
00:15:18,718 --> 00:15:21,621
How many times do I have
to tell y'all about gambling?
410
00:15:21,654 --> 00:15:22,522
Quick, sing "Flashlight"!
411
00:15:22,555 --> 00:15:24,257
* Flashlight...
412
00:15:24,291 --> 00:15:26,259
(shrieks)
413
00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:28,428
WOMAN (over P.A.):
Please do not leave luggage
unattended.
414
00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:29,596
What are you doing here anyway?
415
00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:32,599
Hey, does that mean we don't
have to go to the funeral?
416
00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:33,500
No.
417
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:35,435
We're going.
418
00:15:35,468 --> 00:15:38,171
Drew, do you still know
those kill moves?
419
00:15:38,205 --> 00:15:39,706
Yeah.
420
00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:41,474
If anybody tries
to touch your sister
421
00:15:41,508 --> 00:15:43,376
or take our bags,
422
00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:44,577
kill 'em.
423
00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:50,950
You, you and you,
come with me.
424
00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:57,390
Hey, Rachelle, maybe
you should think about this.
425
00:15:57,424 --> 00:15:58,391
I thought about it.
426
00:15:58,425 --> 00:15:59,726
Rachelle, this guy's
really good.
427
00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:01,628
I don't want us
to lose any more money
428
00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:02,629
than we already have.
429
00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:03,630
He's good, huh?
430
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:05,298
Yeah, he's really good.
431
00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:07,334
Or maybe you just suck.
432
00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:08,535
Listen, when I was little,
433
00:16:08,568 --> 00:16:10,603
my father taught me
all these scams.
434
00:16:10,637 --> 00:16:12,739
Three-card monte
was his favorite.
435
00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:15,408
Honey, when it comes
to three-card monte,
436
00:16:15,442 --> 00:16:18,145
you cannot win
the game.
437
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:19,446
Why not?
438
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:22,482
Because I always know
where the card is.
439
00:16:22,515 --> 00:16:24,317
But even if they pick
the right card,
440
00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:29,522
I just keep raising the bet
till they get scared.
441
00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:30,323
(laughs)
442
00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:33,460
Oh, too bad!
443
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:35,595
But what if I pick
the wrong card?
444
00:16:35,628 --> 00:16:42,469
Then I let you bet
everything you got.
445
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,671
Oh, tough break.
446
00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:46,306
(laughs)
447
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,707
What if I don't want to play?
448
00:16:47,740 --> 00:16:50,777
Nobody ever wants to play.
449
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:54,681
That's how come I got Rudy
and Debra over there.
450
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:56,183
They're shills.
451
00:16:56,216 --> 00:16:57,517
Shills?
452
00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:59,452
Well, they act like
they don't know each other.
453
00:16:59,486 --> 00:17:01,354
So in order to get
the game started,
454
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:02,789
they best first.
455
00:17:02,822 --> 00:17:05,192
So him and her?
456
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:07,260
Yeah. They're
the shills.
457
00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:09,829
Here we go!
458
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:11,631
What if somebody bets
on the right card
459
00:17:11,664 --> 00:17:13,600
and doesn't get scared
when you keep raising the bet?
460
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:16,603
Now, honey, this is a very
important lesson right here.
461
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:18,438
We run!
462
00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:20,207
(laughs)
463
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,509
Okay, you guys, all we need
is one good bet.
464
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:23,710
What are we gonna bet?
465
00:17:23,743 --> 00:17:24,777
We don't have any money.
466
00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:27,380
You don't have any money.
467
00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:28,448
Where'd you get all that?
468
00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:29,616
Shouldn't I be saying that?
469
00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:30,250
Sorry.
470
00:17:30,283 --> 00:17:31,651
Where'd you get all that?
471
00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:33,853
It's from my emergency fund.
472
00:17:33,886 --> 00:17:36,156
If my father had ever thought
to say,
473
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:38,658
"Quick, who's got $200?
It's an emergency,"
474
00:17:38,691 --> 00:17:40,827
she would have given it to him.
475
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:42,495
All right, you guys. Let's go.
476
00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:45,198
You think
it's right there?
477
00:17:45,232 --> 00:17:46,499
You think it's that
right there?
478
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:47,767
Here we go.
Here we go.
479
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,736
Okay, Julius,
you go over there.
480
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:50,870
Louis, you stay here.
481
00:17:50,903 --> 00:17:53,406
If he try to run,
be ready.
482
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,442
Chris, you come with me.
483
00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:56,809
Take my advice,
don't blink twice.
484
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:58,278
Pick that jack,
485
00:17:58,311 --> 00:17:58,811
get your money back.
486
00:17:58,845 --> 00:17:59,746
You, sir.
487
00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:01,381
I saw it.
It's this one
right here.
488
00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:02,782
You over there?
489
00:18:02,815 --> 00:18:04,117
It's that one.
490
00:18:04,151 --> 00:18:05,785
Little man back.
491
00:18:05,818 --> 00:18:07,687
You got some
more money?
492
00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:08,688
No.
493
00:18:08,721 --> 00:18:09,789
But I do.
494
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:10,757
Who are you?
495
00:18:10,790 --> 00:18:14,561
I'm his mother,
and I got $50 on that card.
496
00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:20,233
I got a hundred
that says that you're wrong.
497
00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:23,303
I got $200 that says I'm right.
498
00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:29,809
Turn the card over, Mother.
499
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:30,777
No, wait.
500
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,512
Oh-oh-oh, wait!
501
00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:33,780
Now we wanna wait.
502
00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:35,915
I bet you want to run, too.
See,
503
00:18:35,948 --> 00:18:37,250
that's my husband over there
504
00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:38,885
and that's his brother
back there,
505
00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:42,422
so you can run,
but you're not gonna get far.
506
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:45,158
You got to ask
yourself one question:
507
00:18:45,192 --> 00:18:47,227
Is today your lucky day?
508
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:48,761
Doubt it,
509
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:49,896
punk.
510
00:18:51,531 --> 00:18:53,300
Now give me my damn money back!
511
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:56,636
Hurry!
512
00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:58,771
And the cards, too!
Give me the cards!
513
00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:00,273
Just take it.
514
00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:01,674
Come on, Chris.
515
00:19:05,412 --> 00:19:06,913
We got back the money,
516
00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:09,148
but there was still
one problem.
517
00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:14,721
Hey, where is everybody?
518
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:15,888
The bus left.
519
00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:16,823
What?
520
00:19:19,526 --> 00:19:22,829
All you had to do
was watch the bags!
521
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:24,964
All I wanted was
some Southern hospitality,
522
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:27,934
but all I got was
Northern hostility.
523
00:19:30,303 --> 00:19:31,304
Oh, y'all not hungry, right?
524
00:19:31,338 --> 00:19:32,905
Yes, we are.
ALL:
Yeah!
525
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:34,741
Y'all hungry for this?!
526
00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:35,975
(all exclaim)
527
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:38,778
Louis, this food
is incredible.
528
00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:41,514
Well, I figured that since
we couldn't go down South,
529
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:42,882
I'd make us
a good Southern meal.
530
00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:43,883
RACHELLE:
Nice.
531
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:44,917
Yeah, if Chris wasn't
532
00:19:44,951 --> 00:19:46,986
so stupid, we could have gone.
533
00:19:47,019 --> 00:19:47,987
Thanks, Chris.
534
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,522
Well, what
are we gonna do
535
00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:50,390
with all that money we won?
536
00:19:50,423 --> 00:19:52,225
We?
537
00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:54,294
Did you hear your daddy? "We"?
538
00:19:54,327 --> 00:19:56,963
We are gonna send Uncle Morris
some flowers
539
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:57,964
and the rest of that money
540
00:19:57,997 --> 00:20:00,967
is going back
into my emergency fund. "We."
541
00:20:02,602 --> 00:20:03,803
Mm-hmm!
542
00:20:03,836 --> 00:20:07,407
Oh, my goodness.
Mm-mm-mm, goodness.
543
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:08,875
Southern pecan pie.
544
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:10,243
You know it's
my favorite, right?
545
00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:11,478
Want a piece?
All right now.
Yeah.
546
00:20:11,511 --> 00:20:12,945
You can have a piece.
547
00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:15,848
All you got to do
is pick out the jack.
548
00:20:20,019 --> 00:20:22,755
* Everybody hates Chris.
549
00:20:22,789 --> 00:20:25,792
Captioned by
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