Original subtitles

♪ I bet we've been together for a million years ♪

♪ and I'll bet we'll be together for a million more ♪

♪ oh, it's like I started breathing ♪

♪ on the night we kissed

♪ and I can't remember what I ever did before ♪

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ and there ain't no nothin' ♪

♪ we can't love each other through ♪

♪ ooh-hoo

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ sha-la-la-la

Abstract - oil and tempera.

Impressionist - watercolor and charcoal.

Horsey and ducky - crayon and glitter.

Uh...

Nice try, Elyse.

Oh, come on, Steven, it would be so cute to have

one of Alex's kindergarten drawings in the auction.

This is a serious auction

to raise funds for the station, Elyse.

I can't ask for bids on a 5-year-old's

simplistic rendition of two farm animals.

Steven, this isn't a simplistic drawing.

S-see, the... The ducky and the horsey

are barnyard bankers,

and they're foreclosing on old Macdonald's farm.

Oh, yeah.

I see the ducky's got a little eviction notice.

You see something new every time you look at it.

Can we get on with this, Elyse?

I want to be finished Before Victoria gets here.

Who's Victoria?

Victoria Hurstenberg,

The sponsor of our auction, Jennifer,

one of the biggest art dealers in the Midwest.

The Hurstenberg name is virtually synonymous

with fine art and culture.

Do you think she'll want a chili dog?

Whoa, hey.

My horsey-ducky eviction picture.

This is a classic.

This is from my fiscal-surrealist period.

Dad, Nick has something very special for you.

Yeah, I hope you like it.

It's got my personal touch all over it.

Don't get too close, dad.

It's either stolen or freshly killed.

It's for your auction, dad. I convinced Nick to donate it.

I don't know what to say.

How about "thank you"?

No, that's not it.

How about "get me my blowtorch"?

Hello.

Hi.

Are you the art lady?

Yes, I am.

Your chili dog's almost ready.

Victoria. Please come in.

Hello, Elyse. I hope I'm not late.

I had to stop by the gallery and pick up these pieces.

Oh, no. Not at all, Victoria.

Uh, there's, uh, Mallory, Nick, Jennifer, and Alex.

Victoria Hurstenberg. Hi.

These are the final three pieces for the auction, Steven,

and on the back is all the information you need...

What's this? Well...

Don't get too close. We're not insured.

This is very interesting.

Who's the artist?

Here he is right here - Nick Moore.

Hey.

Hello, Nick. I must say, I'm very impressed.

This work is intriguing.

It's brutish, vital, challenging.

Yeah, not only that, it's, uh, rustproof.

You have real potential, Nick.

Hey, you hear that, Alex? And this is an art lady.

This ain't no bozo off the street.

Thank you, Nick.

Thanks.

Ah! Item number 43 is sold.

Congratulations to the new owner

of "Horsey and Ducky: a barnyard eviction."

And now, if I may, I'd like to take a moment

just to introduce some of the hardworking phone volunteers.

Of course, it really wouldn't be a WKS fund drive

without my own family being here to help out.

My wife, Elyse.

Hi, Andrew.

Ha! That's our baby boy.

Our, uh, daughter Jennifer.

Hi, Andrew.

Daughter Mallory.

Hi, Andy.

And our son Alex.

You call that an offer, lady?

That's the cheapest thing I've ever heard in my life.

Alex.

Uh, keep those calls coming in, folks.

All right, it's time now to put the next item up for auction.

It's a sculpture donated by a local artist

Who happens to be with us tonight - Mr. Nick Moore.

Hello, Nick.

Hey.

Uh, uh, hey, um, um, I got a special message

for my aunt who's watching at home.

Hey.

Well, thanks, Nick. Okay, let's, uh...

Let's... Let's start the bidding on this piece.

Call in now, please, at 555-2131.

Uh, I-if you get a busy signal, please, please try again.

Uh, our... Our operators are handling these calls

just as quickly as they possibly can.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, we've just received a very generous opening bid

of $220 from Victoria Hurstenberg.

Hey, uh, you don't have to do this.

I made my aunt promise to call in a bid.

Why are you so surprised, Nick?

I told you yesterday I liked it.

Well, I thought you were just being polite, you know?

I mean, uh, I never met anyone

who looked like you who liked my work.

Well, I never met anyone who looked like you

who could do this kind of work.

Well, uh, I never met anyone who looked like you

Who, uh...

I never met anyone who looked like you.

Sold to Victoria Hurstenberg for $220.

Nick, you sold it. That's... Oh, that's great.

Um, you know, this is just one of a collection Nick has.

They're all good.

Well, I'd be very interested

in seeing more of your work, Nick.

Do you think you could arrange a private showing for me?

You really like my work?

I know your style may be a little avante-garde

for the general public, Nick,

but I pride myself on a good eye for unsung talent.

When I see something I like, I take it.

Well, hey, uh, here I am.

Well, I've been looking all over for the perfect spot for this.

Not in here.

I don't want a picture of dogs playing poker

in my living room.

Oh, come on, Elyse, how about over the fireplace?

How about in the fireplace?

Why'd you buy that thing anyway, dad?

Well, it was the only auction item that didn't sell.

It was just sitting there, alone.

There used to be one just like it in my den when I was a kid,

right above the lamp

with the little hobo leaning against the streetlight.

I miss that little hobo.

Why do I do this to myself?

Hey, hey, hey. Heads up. Art coming through.

These should be the last of 'em.

What you see before yourselves here

represents the last five years of my life.

Couldn't you just have a photo album like everybody else?

Come on, tell me what you think of them. And be honest.

They're really nice, Nick.

Dad, can we go? I'm scared.

Okay.

Steven: see you later.

I can just feel it, Nick.

After tonight, you're gonna be famous.

Eh, I don't know, Mal.

I mean, what if miss Hurstenberg hates everything?

Oh, what are you nervous about?

You're very talented, Nick.

And miss Hurstenberg's gonna love every one of them.

And I love you.

What is going on here?

These are Nick's sculptures, Alex.

He's having a private showing for Victoria Hurstenberg.

Touch the hors d'oeuvres and die.

Ugh, no idle threat. Ugh.

Hey, hey, hey, you know, that's my recipe.

They're little cherry tomatoes stuffed with whipped salami.

Hello, Nick.

Hey, miss Hurstenberg. I'm glad you could make it.

Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho. Handsome outfit. Heh.

Thank you.

Yeah, it's nice,

uh, nice and, uh, ventilated.

I guess you don't sweat too much in that thing.

It's nice to have you here, miss Hurstenberg.

Well, thank you.

May I? Oh, sure.

Primitive.

Crude.

Bordering on offensive.

Well, my aunt liked it.

Uh, of course,

she's bordering on offensive, too.

Even a quick look at the body of your work

confirms what I thought when I met you

and when I bought the auction piece.

You have real potential.

I think so, too, Mrs. Hurstenberg.

It's miss Hurstenberg. I'm not married.

Oh.

Uh, if you'll let me open some doors for you, Nick,

I think we can cause a real stir in the art world.

Oh, hey, you hear that, Mal? We're gonna cause a stir.

Nick, you need someone to look after you,

to encourage you, nurture you, protect you.

That's what art patrons do.

What do you think?

I think I'd like to be patronized.

What have you been fixing?

Just a few small repairs. Nothing special.

Hold it right there, dad.

I found this hanging over my bed.

Do you know how it got there?

Well, don't look at me.

I have standards, dad.

It's okay if I'm alone in my appreciation of this work.

As Thoreau once said, "I have found no companion

so companionable as solitude."

Yeah, but he didn't have any dog pictures.

There must be a place to hang this painting.

Dad, it's not in my room.

Where are you going, Mal?

Oh, Nick and I are going out to dinner.

We're celebrating his official entrance into the art world.

Things are going well, then, huh?

Victoria's really taken Nick under her wing.

Yeah, she's really helping him.

It's been a little rough lately.

I haven't seen Nick for 11 days.

But, um, it's worth going through that,

'cause miss Hurstenberg

is really gonna do great things for Nick.

I wouldn't be surprised.

Alex, if you're insinuating there's something going on

between them, you can forget it.

I'm not worried.

Hello? Nick, hi.

You're supposed to be here. I'm all ready.

Oh, I see.

With miss Hurstenberg.

No. Sure, I understand.

No, it's okay.

Yeah. Bye.

Um, that was Nick.

Uh, he has to go to another gallery opening

with, uh, miss Hurstenberg.

Can't believe it.

We were supposed to go out to dinner tonight.

Uh, say, I've got a great idea.

Why don't we all go out to dinner, huh?

Hey, that's a great idea, dad.

Elyse: Yeah, let's go get dressed. Alex: Let's do it.

Uh, I hope you guys don't mind. I-i won't be going with you.

Well...

Honey, I-if you're not gonna go, then maybe we shouldn't go.

No, you guys go ahead, really.

Well, if you change your mind...

Jennifer: Dad, I don't want to go out to dinner.

Look, Mal, uh...

Sorry what I said about Nick and Victoria.

I mean, I only said that when I thought it wasn't true.

I mean...

You know what I mean.

Alex, what if there is something going on between them?

Aw, come on.

Look, there's absolutely nothing to worry about.

Let's look at the facts here.

Nick I-is a good-looking, y-young guy.

Victoria i-is an attractive older woman

who's taken a special interest in Nick,

and they've spent nearly all their time together

in the last two weeks.

Let me give you a hug.

Alex, how can I compete with someone like Victoria?

I mean, she's... She's sophisticated,

she's wealthy, she's intelligent, she's older.

You'll be older one day, Mal.

But what about elegant, sophisticated, and smart?

Those things fate.

But you'll be older.

So, are you enjoying yourself, darling?

Oh, hey, yeah. It's great.

Oh. Thank you.

Hey, uh, these are free, right?

No, seriously, huh?

Oh, Nick, Nick, Nick.

Oh, miss Hurstenberg, miss Hurstenberg, miss Hurstenberg.

Your sculpture is creating quite a stir.

Yeah, I remember you said that.

You said we'd stir, and, uh, we're stirring.

Yes, we are.

Um...

Don't you think you should introduce me

to some of these people?

Well, I will.

I just want to keep you to myself for a few moments longer.

All right.

Nick, you're really a wonderful artist.

I can't tell you how impressed I am with you.

Why not?

Oh, Nick.

Oh, miss Hurstenberg.

Hello.

H-hi.

Here to see The Braxton Exhibit?

Yes, I am.

Um, I'm a huge admirer of Braxton.

Great sculptures.

You mean paintings.

Yes, I love his paintings.

Her paintings.

Of course, her paintings. Yeah.

Yeah, I've loved them for years.

This is her first exhibit.

I know. See, I-I know her from camp.

She's 62.

She was a counselor.

Oh-ho, miss Hurstenberg.

You're kind of funny, you know that?

Victoria: Ha!

Oh, Nick, why do you always call me miss Hurstenberg?

My name is Victoria.

Well, uh, miss Hurstenberg is easier to remember.

I find you extremely attractive, Nick,

And I think we could be a lot closer.

I'd like our relationship to be more than business.

Oh! Wow!

Great sculpture. Nice balance.

I'll take two.

I've developed a very special feeling

for you, Nick, and I think...

Uh, look, miss Hurstenberg,

let me stop you right here, okay?

I don't want to sound ungrateful,

because I really like you

and you've been really good to me.

But I'm in love with Mallory. I'm sorry.

So am I.

I suppose that sometimes I let my passion for an artist's work

become a passion for the artist.

Hey, that can happen. I know how it is.

No hard feelings?

No hard feelings.

Hey, uh, Mallory.

Dang.

It's up to you.

I'll see your quarter,

and I'll bump you a quarter.

Huh, Skippy?

I don't know.

I think he's bluffing.

What a poker face.

What do you think, Alex?

I have no idea. He's a rock.

All right.

All right, I'll see you, mister.

Too rich for my blood.

Oh. Read 'em and weep.

Three ladies.

Oh, well, that's just great. I'm cleaned out.

Steven: hey.

Oh, Alex, you kept him up late again just to play poker?

I don't mind staying up late.

It's just losing all my money that's killing me.

Good night, Alex.

Good night. Oh, I'm glad he's still up.

It gives daddy a chance

to put him to bed tonight.

Daddy loves putting him to bed on poker night.

Why don't you guys put him to bed,

and I'll get his bottle ready?

Okay, Andy, I'll keep an eye on your money, as usual,

and deduct my normal fee for setting up the game.

Hey, Mallory. Is everything okay?

Uh, I'd rather not talk about it, mom.

Sorry.

I never want to see Nick again.

Did you two have a fight?

I'd rather not talk about it.

Sorry.

I can't believe he'd leave me

for the first gorgeous, intelligent, wealthy,

sophisticated woman to come along.

Does this have anything to do with Victoria Hurstenberg?

Mom, please! I'd rather not talk about it!

Sorry.

Mom, you should have seen them together at the gallery.

They looked like one of the exhibits.

All they needed was a little sign next to them

reading "New couple of the year."

Honey, look, Nick has a lot of flaws.

In fact, your father hzas an alphabetized list

of those flaws.

But deceit is not one of them.

How do you know?

I've seen the list.

Uh, Nick.

Uh, I'll take this bottle up to Andrew.

Look, Mallory, I am only gonna say this once.

And if you don't believe me, I'm just gonna turn around,

walk out that door, and never come back.

There is nothing going on between me and Victoria.

I don't believe you.

Mallory, I am only gonna say this twice.

There is nothing going on between me and Victoria.

Look, I don't blame you, okay?

Any guy would fall in love with her.

She's gorgeous, sophisticated, and wealthy.

All right, she's all of those things, but so what?

She's not you, and that's all that matters to me.

You're all that I want.

You expect me to believe that?

Yes, I do, because it's true.

You know, when I see you, my heart starts beating faster,

my palms get sweaty,

I get this funny kind of lump in the back of my throat.

You know, that doesn't happen with nobody else,

so either I love you or I'm allergic to you.

Nick, I know what's gonna happen.

You're gonna become a "big hit" in the art world.

And every night you'll be out there

partying and meeting people and galleryin'.

I'll pick up Twine Magazine,

and you'll be on the cover as man of the year every week.

All right. That could happen.

But, uh, let's say one day it all starts to fall apart.

My art stops selling, nobody returns my calls,

I'm on the cover of loser magazine every week.

And then I realize that all the success, all the money

doesn't mean a thing without you.

So I'll sell everything,

I come back, I find you,

and we live happily ever after.

You know, so why put ourselves through all that travel?

Why don't we just skip it and get to the good stuff?

Mal, I love you. And only you.

I'm sorry I didn't trust you.

I guess I'm afraid of losing you.

And what if somebody else figures out how great you are?

Hey, you're the only one who's figured that out so far.

You know, and that's just fine with me.

You're the first one who really believed in me.

You're the first one who saw me the way I want to be.

I need you, Mallory.

I need you, too.

When I'm with you, I-i feel special.

I never felt that way before.

Uh...

Y-you can tell your dad, "no, thanks."