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♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪
2
00:00:17,810 --> 00:00:23,050
♪ and I'll bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪
3
00:00:23,080 --> 00:00:25,980
♪ oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪
4
00:00:26,010 --> 00:00:28,780
♪ on the night we kissed
5
00:00:28,810 --> 00:00:34,010
♪ and I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪
6
00:00:34,050 --> 00:00:36,980
♪ what would we do, baby
7
00:00:37,010 --> 00:00:39,750
♪ without us?
8
00:00:39,780 --> 00:00:42,380
♪ what would we do, baby
9
00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:45,010
♪ without us?
10
00:00:45,050 --> 00:00:47,650
♪ and there
ain't no nothin' ♪
11
00:00:47,680 --> 00:00:49,450
♪ we can't love
each other through ♪
12
00:00:49,480 --> 00:00:50,910
♪ ooh-hoo
13
00:00:50,950 --> 00:00:54,010
♪ what would we do, baby
14
00:00:54,050 --> 00:00:56,650
♪ without us?
15
00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,850
♪ sha-la-la-la
16
00:01:02,150 --> 00:01:05,180
Okay,
who wants hot cocoa?
17
00:01:05,210 --> 00:01:06,410
Okay, well,
I'll make some more.
18
00:01:06,450 --> 00:01:08,150
Uh, Steven, why don't you
give me a hand?
19
00:01:08,180 --> 00:01:09,950
I'll let you
lick the spoon.
20
00:01:09,980 --> 00:01:13,110
She's so good to me.
21
00:01:13,150 --> 00:01:15,480
So, Alex, if Mallory hadn't
interrupted your interview,
22
00:01:15,510 --> 00:01:16,950
you might have gone
to Princeton,
23
00:01:16,980 --> 00:01:18,280
and I never
would've met you.
24
00:01:18,310 --> 00:01:21,950
Well, that's... That's fine
for you, Ellen, but, uh...
25
00:01:21,980 --> 00:01:25,080
There's some girl in Princeton
crying her eyes out right now.
26
00:01:25,140 --> 00:01:26,680
I got a great story to tell you,
Ellen,
27
00:01:26,710 --> 00:01:28,250
now that my parents
are out the room.
28
00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:29,580
Oh,
I like the sound of this.
29
00:01:29,610 --> 00:01:31,750
When I was 16,
I had this boyfriend.
30
00:01:31,780 --> 00:01:34,480
And I stupidly went to Alex
for advice.
31
00:01:34,510 --> 00:01:36,810
Well, he and my dad
were recording
32
00:01:36,850 --> 00:01:40,050
spontaneous family conversations
for Jennifer's school project.
33
00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:42,750
So when I walked in,
my dad put the tape recorder on
34
00:01:42,780 --> 00:01:45,610
without my knowing it
and left the room.
35
00:01:54,350 --> 00:01:56,650
See you later, son.
36
00:02:04,260 --> 00:02:06,760
Alex, do you have a minute?
I want to ask you a question.
37
00:02:18,330 --> 00:02:20,360
I'm all ears.
38
00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:21,960
Well, you're a guy...
39
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,200
Mallory, uh,
I'm not just a guy.
40
00:02:24,230 --> 00:02:28,700
I like to think of myself
as a guy and a half.
41
00:02:28,730 --> 00:02:29,930
What's up?
42
00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:34,130
Okay, I was wondering,
how important is sex to a guy?
43
00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:37,430
I'd say it has
a certain importance.
44
00:02:37,460 --> 00:02:38,760
Well,
on a scale of 1 to 10.
45
00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:41,760
35.
46
00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:43,630
That's what I thought.
47
00:02:43,660 --> 00:02:45,330
Why are you
asking me this?
48
00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:46,560
I'm just
making conversation.
49
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,260
No, no, no, no, no.
This is not conversation.
50
00:02:49,300 --> 00:02:51,300
Conversation is, uh,
"how are you doing?"
51
00:02:51,330 --> 00:02:53,160
Uh, "looks like rain."
52
00:02:53,200 --> 00:02:57,060
"Care for a waffle?"
53
00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:59,360
There's something going on here
you're not telling me.
54
00:03:01,850 --> 00:03:03,150
Wait a minute, Mallory.
55
00:03:03,180 --> 00:03:06,410
Uh, has Rick asked you
56
00:03:06,450 --> 00:03:10,010
to visit his tepee?
57
00:03:14,680 --> 00:03:16,180
You mean sleep with him?
58
00:03:16,210 --> 00:03:18,450
Yeah. Yeah, has he?
59
00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,580
Well, yeah, he has.
60
00:03:20,610 --> 00:03:22,310
Oh.
61
00:03:22,350 --> 00:03:24,210
Well, when you said
you wouldn't sleep with him,
62
00:03:24,250 --> 00:03:25,480
I mean,
you weren't nice to him.
63
00:03:25,510 --> 00:03:27,750
I mean, you let him down easy,
I hope.
64
00:03:27,780 --> 00:03:29,750
I said yes.
65
00:03:29,780 --> 00:03:32,350
I see.
66
00:03:33,410 --> 00:03:35,780
Uh, just a moment.
67
00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:56,780
Are you crazy?
68
00:03:58,750 --> 00:04:02,380
Is this the way
I brought you up?
69
00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:04,350
Cut it out, Alex.
70
00:04:04,380 --> 00:04:06,010
Look, Mallory, you're making
a big mistake here.
71
00:04:06,050 --> 00:04:08,550
You are 16 years old.
That is too young.
72
00:04:08,580 --> 00:04:10,610
Well, have you ever?
73
00:04:10,650 --> 00:04:12,410
Have I ever what?
74
00:04:13,580 --> 00:04:17,050
Had someone visit
your tepee?
75
00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:20,450
Me?
Of course I have.
76
00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:23,680
But I was much older
than you.
77
00:04:23,710 --> 00:04:25,910
You're 16.
78
00:04:29,450 --> 00:04:32,650
I was 17...
79
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:34,450
And a half.
80
00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:36,450
I was 17, 8 months
and 3 days,
81
00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:37,610
and it was leap year.
82
00:04:37,650 --> 00:04:39,410
You're babbling, Alex.
83
00:04:39,450 --> 00:04:41,150
Look, Mallory,
y-you just can't do this!
84
00:04:41,180 --> 00:04:43,880
It's wrong.
You're not ready yet.
85
00:04:43,910 --> 00:04:45,350
Why wasn't it wrong
when you did it?
86
00:04:45,380 --> 00:04:47,250
Ah, come on.
That's different. I'm a guy.
87
00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:49,950
That is such
a double standard, Alex!
88
00:04:49,980 --> 00:04:52,350
If a guy loses his virginity,
he's some kind of a hero.
89
00:04:52,380 --> 00:04:54,180
But if a girl does,
she's ruined her life?
90
00:04:54,210 --> 00:04:55,580
That's stupid!
91
00:04:55,610 --> 00:05:00,080
Well, it may be stupid,
but it's the law of nature.
92
00:05:00,110 --> 00:05:01,780
You can't fight that.
93
00:05:01,810 --> 00:05:05,350
Look, it's your duty as a woman
to say "no."
94
00:05:05,380 --> 00:05:08,310
You know, if women shirked that
responsibility, men, uh,
95
00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:11,750
men would never
get any work done.
96
00:05:14,350 --> 00:05:15,910
Well, Alex, it's obvious
97
00:05:15,950 --> 00:05:18,350
that you can't be objective
about this.
98
00:05:18,380 --> 00:05:22,880
Why do you want to do this,
Mallory?
99
00:05:22,910 --> 00:05:25,550
Well, I care very much
about Rick.
100
00:05:25,580 --> 00:05:27,910
And I'm attracted to him.
101
00:05:27,950 --> 00:05:29,350
I'm curious.
102
00:05:29,380 --> 00:05:32,110
Uh, Mallory,
why don't you, uh...
103
00:05:32,150 --> 00:05:34,680
Why don't you talk
to mom about this?
104
00:05:34,710 --> 00:05:36,980
She lives for this stuff.
105
00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:42,850
I can't do that, Alex.
106
00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:45,550
You know how hard it is
to talk to parents about this.
107
00:05:45,580 --> 00:05:49,310
All right. Okay, well,
whatever you decide to do,
108
00:05:49,350 --> 00:05:50,950
don't do it.
109
00:05:50,980 --> 00:05:53,580
Alex, I know
in your own warped way
110
00:05:53,610 --> 00:05:55,180
you've tried to help.
111
00:05:55,210 --> 00:05:57,210
I appreciate it.
112
00:06:00,910 --> 00:06:03,980
Why are these kids
in such a hurry to grow up?
113
00:06:05,110 --> 00:06:06,410
Well, I didn't go through
with it.
114
00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:08,180
I decided I wasn't ready.
115
00:06:08,210 --> 00:06:09,680
I saved her life.
How can you say that?
116
00:06:09,710 --> 00:06:11,410
Alex, you have
such an antiquated attitude.
117
00:06:11,450 --> 00:06:13,980
Come on, Mallory.
Look, you...
118
00:06:14,010 --> 00:06:15,580
Hey,
what's all the noise about?
119
00:06:15,610 --> 00:06:16,980
Nothing.
Nothing. Nothing.
120
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:18,680
Look who I found scratching
at the back door.
121
00:06:18,710 --> 00:06:19,950
Hi, guys.
122
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,280
Skippy,
have a seat.
123
00:06:21,310 --> 00:06:22,810
Oh, all right.
What are you guys doing?
124
00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:24,910
Oh, we're, uh... We're just,
uh, telling stories,
125
00:06:24,950 --> 00:06:26,250
having some fun.
126
00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:27,650
Alex stories.
127
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:29,880
Oh, can I tell one?
Go ahead, Skippy.
128
00:06:29,910 --> 00:06:31,650
Well,
my favorite Alex story
129
00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:33,650
is the time he rented out
the house
130
00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:35,910
while Mr. and Mrs. Keaton
were away.
131
00:06:35,950 --> 00:06:37,410
Oh, this is a great one,
Ellen.
132
00:06:37,450 --> 00:06:40,580
This is during Leland's
homecoming game last year.
133
00:06:40,610 --> 00:06:43,310
Okay,
the, uh, ad is in the paper.
134
00:06:43,350 --> 00:06:44,850
What's our state of readiness,
Skipper?
135
00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:46,510
All systems are go,
chief.
136
00:06:46,550 --> 00:06:49,080
The baby's room is in a state
of rental preparedness.
137
00:06:49,110 --> 00:06:51,210
This still feels
weird to me,
138
00:06:51,250 --> 00:06:53,480
renting out a room
in our own house.
139
00:06:53,510 --> 00:06:55,850
Well, Jen, don't...
Don't think of it as renting.
140
00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:58,150
All we're doing
is letting strangers
141
00:06:58,180 --> 00:07:00,550
use a room in our home
142
00:07:00,580 --> 00:07:03,310
for money.
143
00:07:03,350 --> 00:07:04,950
You know what I think?
144
00:07:04,980 --> 00:07:09,650
Don't ask the impossible,
Mallory.
145
00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:13,080
Alex, I think that mom and dad
would not approve of this.
146
00:07:13,110 --> 00:07:15,610
Oh, come on, Mallory.
You underestimate our parents.
147
00:07:15,650 --> 00:07:17,780
Now, they are thoughtful,
generous people.
148
00:07:17,810 --> 00:07:19,250
And I think they'd be
thrilled to know
149
00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:24,180
we are using their home
to shelter weary travelers.
150
00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:25,350
You mean
we're gonna tell them?
151
00:07:25,380 --> 00:07:27,580
What are you, crazy?
152
00:07:27,610 --> 00:07:29,250
Skippy: things got out of hand
real quick.
153
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,080
I believe the ad said
$75 a night?
154
00:07:31,110 --> 00:07:32,080
Right.
155
00:07:32,110 --> 00:07:33,780
Wait a minute.
We want that room.
156
00:07:33,810 --> 00:07:35,250
I'll give you $80.
157
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:36,450
$80?
158
00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:37,780
$80.
159
00:07:37,810 --> 00:07:41,010
I'm sorry, sir, but that's
not the way I do business.
160
00:07:41,050 --> 00:07:44,050
Now, you offend me.
161
00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:47,550
The Driscolls were here first,
and they should get the room.
162
00:07:47,580 --> 00:07:48,680
Make it $90.
163
00:07:48,710 --> 00:07:51,180
I'm not as offended anymore.
164
00:07:51,210 --> 00:07:53,310
Do something, Jack. I'm not
gonna sleep in the car again.
165
00:07:53,350 --> 00:07:55,080
We slept in the car
last year for homecoming.
166
00:07:55,110 --> 00:07:57,450
I still have ashtray marks
on my neck.
167
00:07:57,480 --> 00:07:58,650
$95.
168
00:07:58,680 --> 00:07:59,880
$96.
$97.
169
00:07:59,910 --> 00:08:01,450
$98!
$98.50!
170
00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:03,180
$99! $99!
171
00:08:03,210 --> 00:08:05,850
Wait a minute!
Wait just one minute!
172
00:08:10,710 --> 00:08:12,210
This is a big house.
173
00:08:12,250 --> 00:08:13,880
What are we all bidding
on one room for?
174
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:15,880
I mean, there's lots of rooms
in this place.
175
00:08:15,910 --> 00:08:17,280
Please, look, there's only
one room for rent.
176
00:08:17,310 --> 00:08:18,410
The others are occupied.
177
00:08:19,710 --> 00:08:21,950
Little girl, do you have a room?
Yes.
178
00:08:21,980 --> 00:08:24,550
Give you a hundred bucks for it.
You got it.
179
00:08:27,210 --> 00:08:29,310
Well, um, I-I have a room.
180
00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:31,910
Alex:
Everything was under control,
181
00:08:31,950 --> 00:08:34,410
But then dad called to say
he was coming home early.
182
00:08:34,450 --> 00:08:38,010
We had to get everybody out.
Our guests had other ideas.
183
00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:39,680
Hope you don't mind.
I invited a few people.
184
00:08:39,710 --> 00:08:40,680
Uh,
As a matter of fact...
185
00:08:52,310 --> 00:08:53,550
Hey,
what are you doing?!
186
00:08:53,580 --> 00:08:55,380
We did it! We captured
The other team's mascot!
187
00:08:55,410 --> 00:08:57,310
We got the Crawford kangaroo.
188
00:09:05,580 --> 00:09:08,780
Do you believe this? They
captured the Crawford kangaroo!
189
00:09:08,810 --> 00:09:11,980
This is a day
we will never forget.
190
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:13,350
I'm home.
191
00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:22,710
Hi, dad.
How was your trip?
192
00:09:22,750 --> 00:09:25,010
Oh, it's so nice
to see you.
193
00:09:26,950 --> 00:09:30,050
What is
going on here?
194
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:31,880
Now, dad, uh...
195
00:09:31,910 --> 00:09:35,910
Don't go jumping
to any conclusions.
196
00:09:35,950 --> 00:09:38,550
Whoa! Whoa!
197
00:09:38,580 --> 00:09:40,980
Mallory:
Dad was really furious at us.
198
00:09:41,010 --> 00:09:43,180
Steven: Mallory,
I'd rather not talk about it.
199
00:09:43,210 --> 00:09:45,080
Look, do you, uh,
200
00:09:45,110 --> 00:09:48,350
plan on being mad at us
for the rest of your life?
201
00:09:50,710 --> 00:09:52,910
That is my plan.
202
00:10:00,780 --> 00:10:03,480
But, dad, we're
your flesh and blood.
203
00:10:03,510 --> 00:10:05,180
Yeah. Yeah, dad.
204
00:10:05,210 --> 00:10:09,180
Remember how cute we were
when we were babies?
205
00:10:10,650 --> 00:10:14,310
Yeah, well,
I'm still a baby, dad.
206
00:10:14,350 --> 00:10:17,310
Will you read me a book,
daddy?
207
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:18,550
Yeah, daddy,
read us all a book.
208
00:10:20,350 --> 00:10:21,750
Look, come on, dad.
Don't go away.
209
00:10:21,780 --> 00:10:23,250
Look...
210
00:10:24,310 --> 00:10:25,410
...you always said
211
00:10:25,450 --> 00:10:28,150
that we should talk
about these things.
212
00:10:28,180 --> 00:10:29,780
Alex...
213
00:10:31,750 --> 00:10:34,350
...parents are
conditioned to accept
214
00:10:34,380 --> 00:10:36,810
a-a-a few, uh,
minor problems
215
00:10:36,850 --> 00:10:40,880
when they leave their children
alone at home...
216
00:10:40,910 --> 00:10:43,050
Spilled milk on the rug.
217
00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:46,610
A broken dish.
218
00:10:46,650 --> 00:10:49,150
There was a kangaroo...
219
00:10:51,780 --> 00:10:55,580
...in my living room.
220
00:10:55,610 --> 00:10:59,310
He was just here
for the party, dad.
221
00:11:02,950 --> 00:11:05,810
Then I guess
I'm overreacting.
222
00:11:08,350 --> 00:11:10,410
Dad, if you just
give us a chance,
223
00:11:10,450 --> 00:11:11,910
We can explain everything.
224
00:11:11,950 --> 00:11:14,280
Oh, can you?
225
00:11:14,310 --> 00:11:21,580
Can you explain the valet
parking in the driveway?
226
00:11:21,610 --> 00:11:27,650
The flashing "vacancy" sign
in front of the house?
227
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:35,180
The billboard on route 41?
228
00:11:35,210 --> 00:11:39,310
Look, dad, I just...
I just lost my head, you know?
229
00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:41,310
When the money
started rolling in,
230
00:11:41,350 --> 00:11:43,150
I got out of control.
231
00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:46,110
I-i could smell it.
I could taste it.
232
00:11:46,150 --> 00:11:50,280
I could hear it calling me
at night saying, "Alex...
233
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:57,610
At last, we'll be together."
234
00:11:57,650 --> 00:11:59,410
Dad, I guess
you could just say
235
00:11:59,450 --> 00:12:05,280
that I-i kind of became...
a money-holic.
236
00:12:05,310 --> 00:12:07,280
Dad, I need help.
237
00:12:13,610 --> 00:12:15,480
Did I miss anything?
238
00:12:15,510 --> 00:12:17,410
Yeah, they're moving in
for the kill, now, mom.
239
00:12:17,450 --> 00:12:19,150
I'm being held responsible
for everything
240
00:12:19,180 --> 00:12:20,480
except the sinking
of the Titanic.
241
00:12:20,510 --> 00:12:22,280
Where were you on that night,
Alex?
242
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:24,450
Admit it, Alex.
243
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:26,310
You do have a talent
for creating disasters
244
00:12:26,350 --> 00:12:27,650
wherever you go.
245
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:29,210
That's true,
but he means no harm.
246
00:12:29,250 --> 00:12:32,410
At last, a lone voice cries out
in my defense.
247
00:12:32,450 --> 00:12:34,210
Careful, mom,
they'll go after you.
248
00:12:34,250 --> 00:12:36,080
Does that mean you don't have
any Alex stories
249
00:12:36,110 --> 00:12:37,610
to tell me, Mrs. Keaton?
250
00:12:37,650 --> 00:12:39,250
No words to the wise?
251
00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:40,980
I didn't say that.
252
00:12:41,010 --> 00:12:43,280
Oh, mom,
you're my last hope.
253
00:12:43,310 --> 00:12:45,480
Well, do you remember
the big fight we had
254
00:12:45,510 --> 00:12:47,280
on your 18th birthday?
255
00:12:48,750 --> 00:12:50,880
Well, Steven was on a business
trip, and so the girls and I
256
00:12:50,910 --> 00:12:53,050
were gonna take Alex out
to celebrate.
257
00:12:53,130 --> 00:12:55,960
But he decided he wanted
to go with his friends
258
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:59,200
to some sleazy bar
in west Virginia.
259
00:12:59,230 --> 00:13:00,430
The Camelot Inn
260
00:13:00,460 --> 00:13:03,000
is a very elegant establishment,
Ellen.
261
00:13:03,030 --> 00:13:06,660
Take you there some night
for the hog-calling contest.
262
00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:08,160
Well,
I didn't want him to go,
263
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,300
'cause the girls and I had been
planning this for a long time,
264
00:13:10,330 --> 00:13:13,260
and I didn't think
that he should drive 200 miles
265
00:13:13,300 --> 00:13:15,400
just to go to a bar.
266
00:13:15,430 --> 00:13:17,330
But he went anyway.
267
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:18,860
Alex: Neil had set up
some dates for us,
268
00:13:18,900 --> 00:13:20,130
but in order to impress them,
269
00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:23,000
he had to tell
a few small lies.
270
00:13:23,030 --> 00:13:24,430
I'd like you girls
to meet
271
00:13:24,460 --> 00:13:28,200
a couple of young Air Force
cadets under my charge.
272
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:32,260
This is
lieutenant Lippman.
273
00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:34,660
Ladies.
274
00:13:34,700 --> 00:13:36,130
And this is colonel Keaton.
275
00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:37,130
Uh, how you doing?
276
00:13:38,630 --> 00:13:40,830
This is a big night
for colonel Keaton, girls.
277
00:13:40,860 --> 00:13:42,960
Tomorrow morning
at 0500 hours,
278
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,030
he flies his first mission
279
00:13:45,060 --> 00:13:47,060
into hostile
enemy territory.
280
00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:48,500
Really?
281
00:13:48,530 --> 00:13:50,830
Come on, Neil.
282
00:13:50,860 --> 00:13:53,460
Well, he's exaggerating.
283
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,830
a little.
284
00:13:54,860 --> 00:13:56,330
Well,
what do you mean?
285
00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:58,960
Well, it's...
It's not my first mission.
286
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:00,700
It's my first solo mission.
287
00:14:00,730 --> 00:14:04,330
Yeah,
and I'm going with him.
288
00:14:12,660 --> 00:14:14,800
What country
are you attacking?
289
00:14:14,830 --> 00:14:18,400
Oh, uh...Canada.
290
00:14:18,430 --> 00:14:19,930
We're not at war
with Canada.
291
00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:23,460
Wait, are we?
292
00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:25,300
Are you scared?
293
00:14:25,330 --> 00:14:28,660
Tell me, Buffy,
what place is there for fear
294
00:14:28,700 --> 00:14:30,200
in a struggle
whose ultimate goal
295
00:14:30,230 --> 00:14:32,760
is nothing less
than the survival of liberty?
296
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,600
I don't know.
297
00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:41,100
So...are you scared?
298
00:14:45,530 --> 00:14:47,860
Let me tell you a little story
about fear, Buff.
299
00:14:47,900 --> 00:14:49,800
Uh, about a year ago,
300
00:14:49,830 --> 00:14:52,600
I'm up in my F-14,
doing a test flight.
301
00:14:52,630 --> 00:14:56,430
I'm about 70,000 feet up.
I had that puppy going Mach 2.
302
00:14:56,460 --> 00:15:00,500
All of a sudden,
the fan belt goes out on me.
303
00:15:05,430 --> 00:15:07,900
And you know something, any
other pilot in that situation
304
00:15:07,930 --> 00:15:10,700
might have felt fear,
but, uh, not this guy.
305
00:15:10,730 --> 00:15:11,860
No, sir.
306
00:15:11,900 --> 00:15:13,230
Uh, Alex.
307
00:15:13,260 --> 00:15:14,560
That's colonel Keaton.
308
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,830
Uh, I'm sorry.
Colonel Keaton, I mean.
309
00:15:16,860 --> 00:15:17,830
What is it?
310
00:15:17,860 --> 00:15:20,000
Your mother's here.
311
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:31,860
I want you to come home
with me.
312
00:15:31,900 --> 00:15:32,860
Excuse me...
313
00:15:34,030 --> 00:15:37,060
...but the colonel
happens to be my date.
314
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,000
The colonel?
315
00:15:45,700 --> 00:15:48,530
Uh, yeah,
maybe some other time.
316
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,230
Tonight is a big night
for him.
317
00:15:53,260 --> 00:15:58,130
Tomorrow morning,
he's invading Canada.
318
00:15:58,160 --> 00:16:01,800
Oh, I see.
319
00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:04,400
May I have a word with you,
please, colonel Keaton?
320
00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:07,800
Your orders have been
radically changed.
321
00:16:07,830 --> 00:16:11,760
Uh, Mrs. Keaton, would you
please not tell my mom
322
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:13,900
that you saw me here?
323
00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:21,230
Why is his mother here?
324
00:16:21,260 --> 00:16:23,300
Uh, she probably came down
to wish him luck
325
00:16:23,330 --> 00:16:25,400
on his mission tomorrow.
326
00:16:25,430 --> 00:16:27,400
You had no right
to defy me, Alex.
327
00:16:27,430 --> 00:16:29,130
I want you to leave with me
right now.
328
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:30,900
No, mom, this is crazy.
329
00:16:30,930 --> 00:16:33,500
Look, we can talk about this
later, tomorrow morning.
330
00:16:33,530 --> 00:16:37,660
You're invading Canada
tomorrow morning.
331
00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:40,530
Mom,
I'm not leaving with you.
332
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:41,800
No way.
333
00:16:41,830 --> 00:16:44,030
You are coming home with me
right now, young man,
334
00:16:44,060 --> 00:16:46,900
and that is final!
335
00:16:57,130 --> 00:17:02,230
Uh...Neil, Doug, ladies,
336
00:17:02,260 --> 00:17:03,700
I got to go.
337
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:09,300
Have a safe mission.
338
00:17:11,630 --> 00:17:13,960
Mom.
339
00:17:16,060 --> 00:17:17,400
Elyse:
The real fireworks started
340
00:17:17,430 --> 00:17:19,660
when colonel Keaton and I
got back home.
341
00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:21,800
He's still out there,
mom.
342
00:17:21,830 --> 00:17:23,730
Is he gonna stay
in the car all night?
343
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:25,600
He'll have to come in
for breakfast.
344
00:17:25,630 --> 00:17:27,600
Can't we just put a bowl out
by the back door?
345
00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:42,630
Jen, why don't we...
346
00:17:42,660 --> 00:17:45,760
I'm with you.
I'm with you.
347
00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,900
Mom...
348
00:17:51,930 --> 00:17:53,730
I made a pact with myself
349
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:57,400
never to speak to you
again.
350
00:17:57,430 --> 00:18:00,800
But I've given myself permission
to suspend it...
351
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:02,000
briefly,
352
00:18:02,030 --> 00:18:04,100
because, frankly, mom,
353
00:18:04,130 --> 00:18:06,360
the curiosity
is killing me.
354
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,760
How on earth
can you possibly justify
355
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:10,400
doing what you did to me
tonight?
356
00:18:10,430 --> 00:18:11,500
Go ahead, I'm listening.
357
00:18:11,610 --> 00:18:13,810
Oh, I know.
358
00:18:13,850 --> 00:18:15,880
I know.
359
00:18:15,910 --> 00:18:18,150
You're mad
because I disobeyed you.
360
00:18:18,180 --> 00:18:20,710
Well, let me tell you
something, mom.
361
00:18:20,750 --> 00:18:23,880
I only disobeyed you
because you were wrong.
362
00:18:23,910 --> 00:18:25,810
Without just cause
or provocation,
363
00:18:25,850 --> 00:18:27,950
you denied me permission
to do something
364
00:18:27,980 --> 00:18:29,480
I have every right
in the world to do.
365
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:35,250
Oh, sure.
366
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,610
Sure,
this is your house.
367
00:18:36,650 --> 00:18:38,310
And as long
as it's your house,
368
00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:39,880
I got to live
by your rules.
369
00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:42,980
Well, that used to be true.
Not anymore, mom.
370
00:18:43,010 --> 00:18:44,310
I'm an adult now.
371
00:18:44,350 --> 00:18:49,750
I got 18 years
under this belt,
372
00:18:49,780 --> 00:18:54,480
and my life
is in my own hands.
373
00:18:54,510 --> 00:18:56,850
Have you anything else
to say?
374
00:18:59,380 --> 00:19:02,150
I thought not.
375
00:19:02,180 --> 00:19:03,650
All right, mom. Okay.
376
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:06,850
I think I've refuted
all your arguments.
377
00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:09,210
Until you are ready
to apologize to me,
378
00:19:09,250 --> 00:19:11,050
I am done
speaking with you.
379
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:15,610
Oh, I didn't realize
you'd started speaking with me.
380
00:19:15,650 --> 00:19:17,280
What is that
supposed to mean?
381
00:19:17,310 --> 00:19:21,480
The past two days, Alex,
you have complained to me,
382
00:19:21,510 --> 00:19:23,310
grunted at me,
lectured to me,
383
00:19:23,350 --> 00:19:25,280
and presented me
with ultimatums,
384
00:19:25,310 --> 00:19:26,710
but not once... not once
385
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:29,250
have you even come close
to talking with me.
386
00:19:30,310 --> 00:19:31,950
Semantics.
387
00:19:33,150 --> 00:19:36,210
Okay, mom.
All right. Okay. Okay.
388
00:19:36,250 --> 00:19:38,450
I haven't been
very chatty lately.
389
00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:42,250
I haven't been
a million laughs.
390
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,550
That is not the issue here.
391
00:19:44,580 --> 00:19:46,780
The issue here is my right
to live my own life
392
00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:48,850
without having you
try and control it.
393
00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:50,480
You have every right
to live your own life.
394
00:19:50,510 --> 00:19:52,180
I'm not trying
to deny you that.
395
00:19:52,210 --> 00:19:54,550
O-ho, no?!
396
00:19:54,580 --> 00:19:56,280
Oh! Oh, no?
397
00:19:56,310 --> 00:19:59,210
Okay, then why did you drive
a hundred miles and humiliate me
398
00:19:59,250 --> 00:20:01,980
in front of half the state
of West Virginia?
399
00:20:02,010 --> 00:20:05,250
You had a few hours
to kill?
400
00:20:07,950 --> 00:20:11,180
No, Alex, I did it
because you defied me.
401
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,810
And even more important
than that,
402
00:20:12,850 --> 00:20:16,510
I did it because I was hurt
and angry and fed up.
403
00:20:17,850 --> 00:20:18,980
About what?
404
00:20:20,910 --> 00:20:22,910
I've tried starting
conversations with you,
405
00:20:22,950 --> 00:20:25,110
only to be
politely dismissed.
406
00:20:25,150 --> 00:20:28,210
I've asked you to help around
the house and been ignored.
407
00:20:28,250 --> 00:20:30,450
You canceled out dinner plans
that I had made
408
00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,710
without a moment's thought
to my concern in the matter.
409
00:20:33,750 --> 00:20:36,750
I do not enjoy being made
to feel like an intrusion
410
00:20:36,780 --> 00:20:40,110
and an annoyance
in my own son's life!
411
00:20:40,150 --> 00:20:42,380
Okay, look, mom,
412
00:20:42,410 --> 00:20:46,080
I'm sorry
that I wasn't more sensitive.
413
00:20:46,110 --> 00:20:48,750
Okay,
I guess I should have been.
414
00:20:48,780 --> 00:20:51,610
But I'm not used to thinking
that way
415
00:20:51,650 --> 00:20:53,610
when it pertains to you.
416
00:20:53,650 --> 00:20:57,810
I mean, I-I-I think of you
as my mother, not as a person.
417
00:20:59,950 --> 00:21:01,510
You know what I mean.
418
00:21:01,550 --> 00:21:03,010
Surprise, Alex.
419
00:21:03,050 --> 00:21:04,650
I am a real person -
420
00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,150
flesh and blood,
real feelings.
421
00:21:06,180 --> 00:21:07,610
And maybe
in one sense,
422
00:21:07,650 --> 00:21:09,910
I was wrong not to let you
go out with your friends.
423
00:21:09,950 --> 00:21:12,150
But if you want me to respect
your rights as an adult,
424
00:21:12,180 --> 00:21:14,380
then you'd better start
respecting mine.
425
00:21:15,710 --> 00:21:17,080
Okay, I didn't respect
your rights,
426
00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:19,680
and you
didn't respect mine.
427
00:21:19,710 --> 00:21:22,250
So, uh...
How do we figure out
428
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:23,950
who's right and who's wrong,
here?
429
00:21:25,710 --> 00:21:28,880
There is no absolute right
or wrong.
430
00:21:28,910 --> 00:21:31,980
It's my job, as a parent,
to set boundaries.
431
00:21:32,010 --> 00:21:34,710
And it's your job
to negotiate to change them.
432
00:21:34,750 --> 00:21:36,450
When you were 7 years old,
we got in an argument
433
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,780
because you wanted to walk
to school by yourself.
434
00:21:40,150 --> 00:21:41,950
I remember.
435
00:21:43,210 --> 00:21:46,250
I remember,
and, uh, I was right,
436
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,750
and you let me go.
437
00:21:48,780 --> 00:21:52,280
Yes,
but I followed you.
438
00:21:56,210 --> 00:21:58,580
And I hid behind trees
and mailboxes
439
00:21:58,610 --> 00:21:59,850
to make sure you looked
both ways
440
00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:01,210
and you crossed
on the green.
441
00:22:03,050 --> 00:22:04,880
Did I?
442
00:22:04,910 --> 00:22:06,350
Yes.
443
00:22:09,810 --> 00:22:11,980
In fact, when another kid
tried to cross
444
00:22:12,010 --> 00:22:13,380
in the middle of the block,
445
00:22:13,410 --> 00:22:15,080
you made
a citizen's arrest.
446
00:22:20,710 --> 00:22:22,610
Yeah, that was
little Timmy Doogan.
447
00:22:22,650 --> 00:22:25,350
I let him off
with a warning.
448
00:22:25,380 --> 00:22:28,280
It's unbelievable to me,
Alex,
449
00:22:28,310 --> 00:22:32,950
that 18 years ago tonight,
450
00:22:32,980 --> 00:22:35,110
I had a baby boy.
451
00:22:35,150 --> 00:22:37,610
Me, right?
452
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:42,210
Ever since that night,
453
00:22:42,250 --> 00:22:44,150
you've been trying so hard
to grow up,
454
00:22:44,180 --> 00:22:48,750
and I've been trying so hard
not to let it happen.
455
00:22:48,780 --> 00:22:51,380
Well, considering, uh,
456
00:22:51,410 --> 00:22:54,680
we have been
at cross purposes, uh...
457
00:22:54,710 --> 00:22:57,850
I think we're doing
all right.
458
00:22:57,880 --> 00:23:00,380
Mom, um...
459
00:23:00,410 --> 00:23:03,650
I'm sorry that I've been
treating you so rotten lately.
460
00:23:06,980 --> 00:23:08,850
Accepted.
461
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:10,250
I'm sorry
I ruined your dinner.
462
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:12,310
Ah, don't worry about it.
463
00:23:12,350 --> 00:23:16,180
I had to go to bed early
anyway.
464
00:23:16,210 --> 00:23:18,550
I'm attacking Canada
in the morning.
465
00:23:21,110 --> 00:23:22,080
Good luck.
466
00:23:22,110 --> 00:23:23,080
Thank you.
467
00:23:23,110 --> 00:23:24,850
And happy birthday.
468
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:25,850
Thank you.
469
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:29,280
I love you, honey.
I-i...
470
00:23:29,310 --> 00:23:31,880
Ah, mom,
don't start that stuff.
471
00:23:33,550 --> 00:23:34,850
I love you too, mom.
472
00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,980
Well, that was some night.
I'll never forget it.
473
00:23:39,010 --> 00:23:40,180
I'm not surprised.
474
00:23:40,210 --> 00:23:43,750
No one in this family
ever forgets anything.
475
00:23:43,780 --> 00:23:46,280
Hey, everybody.
Andy's just about asleep.
476
00:23:46,310 --> 00:23:48,350
Do you want to come up
and say good night to him?
477
00:23:48,380 --> 00:23:51,210
Oh, yes.
Let's see that boy.
478
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:54,810
Oh, um,
are you two coming along?
479
00:23:54,850 --> 00:23:56,010
No, we better not.
480
00:23:56,050 --> 00:23:57,510
Who knows
what incriminating stories
481
00:23:57,550 --> 00:23:59,510
Andy might have
to tell Ellen?
482
00:24:01,450 --> 00:24:04,080
So, after everything
you've heard tonight,
483
00:24:04,110 --> 00:24:07,010
do you, uh,
still like me?
484
00:24:07,050 --> 00:24:09,610
Or should I take
the calculator back?
485
00:24:09,650 --> 00:24:12,080
Alex, do you really think
anything your family told me
486
00:24:12,110 --> 00:24:13,850
came as a surprise?
487
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:17,810
I didn't exactly think
it was common knowledge.
488
00:24:17,850 --> 00:24:19,380
From the very beginning,
489
00:24:19,410 --> 00:24:24,610
I knew that there was
something different about you.
490
00:24:24,650 --> 00:24:27,780
Different as in, uh, good?
491
00:24:27,810 --> 00:24:30,810
Different as in...
492
00:24:30,850 --> 00:24:33,450
They've been
a wonderful six months.
493
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,510
I love you.
494
00:24:35,550 --> 00:24:37,250
Happy anniversary.
495
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:38,950
I love you, too.
496
00:24:38,980 --> 00:24:41,580
Happy anniversary, Alex.
497
00:24:43,580 --> 00:24:45,210
Did you really invest
your father's money
498
00:24:45,250 --> 00:24:47,010
in the stock market?
33231
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