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♪ I bet we've been together
for a million years ♪
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00:00:17,830 --> 00:00:23,060
♪ and I'll bet we'll be together
for a million more ♪
3
00:00:23,100 --> 00:00:26,000
♪ oh, it's like
I started breathing ♪
4
00:00:26,030 --> 00:00:28,800
♪ on the night we kissed
5
00:00:28,830 --> 00:00:34,030
♪ and I can't remember
what I ever did before ♪
6
00:00:34,060 --> 00:00:37,000
♪ what would we do, baby
7
00:00:37,030 --> 00:00:39,760
♪ without us?
8
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,400
♪ what would we do, baby
9
00:00:42,430 --> 00:00:45,030
♪ without us?
10
00:00:45,060 --> 00:00:47,660
♪ and there
ain't no nothin' ♪
11
00:00:47,700 --> 00:00:49,460
♪ we can't love
each other through ♪
12
00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:50,930
♪ ooh-hoo
13
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:54,030
♪ what would we do, baby
14
00:00:54,060 --> 00:00:56,660
♪ without us?
15
00:00:56,700 --> 00:01:00,200
♪ sha-la-la-la
16
00:01:02,980 --> 00:01:05,460
Stretch. Stretch. Stre...
17
00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:07,750
Come on, Jen,
You're not stretching.
18
00:01:07,780 --> 00:01:11,010
Mom, I can't stretch any more.
I'm not Gumby.
19
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:13,980
Look, you're not getting out
of this.
20
00:01:14,010 --> 00:01:16,480
You are my running partner
when your dad's out of town.
21
00:01:16,510 --> 00:01:19,880
Well, can't I just drive
alongside you?
22
00:01:19,910 --> 00:01:22,610
Let's just go.
23
00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:23,810
Hi.
24
00:01:23,850 --> 00:01:24,810
- Hi, hon.
- Hi.
25
00:01:27,910 --> 00:01:31,610
Hey, Alex, you have some food
or something on your lip.
26
00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:34,950
No, I don't.
27
00:01:34,980 --> 00:01:36,610
Yeah, you do.
It looks like a little smudge.
28
00:01:36,650 --> 00:01:38,580
Let me wipe it off for you.
29
00:01:38,610 --> 00:01:39,810
No, mom.
30
00:01:39,850 --> 00:01:42,110
Mom, it's not a smudge.
31
00:01:42,150 --> 00:01:45,050
It's a moustache.
32
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:46,550
Uh, no, it's not.
Let me wipe it off.
33
00:01:46,580 --> 00:01:49,050
No, mom!
Mom, mom, mom.
34
00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:51,710
It's a moust...
Look. Look, see?
35
00:01:53,050 --> 00:01:54,680
Wait a second.
36
00:01:54,710 --> 00:01:57,710
Oh, yeah. I-I think
I do see a couple of hairs.
37
00:01:57,750 --> 00:01:58,910
Where?
38
00:01:58,950 --> 00:02:01,550
See. See, look it.
There's one right there.
39
00:02:01,580 --> 00:02:03,580
Jennifer, would you
get out of my light?
40
00:02:03,610 --> 00:02:05,510
Come on.
41
00:02:05,550 --> 00:02:07,510
Mr. Bidney, the principal
of the high school,
42
00:02:07,550 --> 00:02:10,080
asked me to deliver
this year's homecoming address
43
00:02:10,110 --> 00:02:11,610
at the dance next week.
44
00:02:11,650 --> 00:02:13,280
And I just thought, as an older,
45
00:02:13,310 --> 00:02:15,550
more mature
graduate of the school,
46
00:02:15,580 --> 00:02:16,780
I should look the part.
47
00:02:16,810 --> 00:02:17,810
That's all.
48
00:02:17,850 --> 00:02:19,610
We didn't mean to make you
feel self-conscious.
49
00:02:19,650 --> 00:02:22,610
Uh, actually, uh,
I think your moustache looks...
50
00:02:22,650 --> 00:02:23,810
Looks nice.
51
00:02:26,210 --> 00:02:27,310
It's amazing, isn't it?
52
00:02:27,350 --> 00:02:28,810
I think
it's my body's way of saying,
53
00:02:28,850 --> 00:02:32,380
"congratulations, Alex,
you're a man.
54
00:02:32,410 --> 00:02:34,310
A hairy man."
55
00:02:38,610 --> 00:02:40,680
- Oh, hello there, Alex.
- Hey, Skip.
56
00:02:40,710 --> 00:02:42,550
I've got some great news.
57
00:02:42,580 --> 00:02:45,450
You've, uh, got some dirt there
on your lip.
58
00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:47,310
Skip, Skip, it's not dirt.
59
00:02:47,350 --> 00:02:49,350
It's a moustache.
60
00:02:49,380 --> 00:02:51,510
Oh, wow.
Where'd you get it?
61
00:02:52,750 --> 00:02:54,310
Never mind. Okay?
Never mind.
62
00:02:54,350 --> 00:02:56,950
Now, w-what was your, uh...
What was your great news?
63
00:02:56,980 --> 00:03:00,710
Oh. Uh, after, uh, much thought
and serious deliberation,
64
00:03:00,750 --> 00:03:03,810
I've decided to ask Mallory
to the homecoming dance.
65
00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:05,550
What about Nick?
66
00:03:05,580 --> 00:03:07,710
Nah, I think
I like Mallory better.
67
00:03:08,850 --> 00:03:11,380
Come on, Skippy,
why do you torture yourself?
68
00:03:11,410 --> 00:03:13,980
Mallory's not gonna go to
the homecoming dance with you.
69
00:03:14,010 --> 00:03:15,880
She's in love with Nick.
70
00:03:15,910 --> 00:03:18,350
No, no, no, Alex. Mallory
isn't really in love with Nick.
71
00:03:18,380 --> 00:03:21,710
She's just using him
to make me jealous.
72
00:03:21,750 --> 00:03:24,310
I love you, Nick.
73
00:03:24,350 --> 00:03:26,010
Need I say more?
74
00:03:27,410 --> 00:03:28,980
Hello there, Mallory.
75
00:03:29,010 --> 00:03:30,250
Oh, hi.
76
00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:33,010
Uh, hello, Nick.
77
00:03:33,050 --> 00:03:34,250
How you doing there, buddy, huh?
78
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:35,880
Oh!
79
00:03:35,910 --> 00:03:38,250
- I'm sorry. You all right?
- It's okay, it's okay.
80
00:03:38,280 --> 00:03:40,950
My mother can sew this arm
right back on.
81
00:03:40,980 --> 00:03:42,450
I got to go, babe.
I'll see you later.
82
00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:43,710
- Okay.
- Bye.
83
00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:45,180
Bye.
84
00:03:47,150 --> 00:03:48,850
Uh, Mallory, wait a minute.
85
00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:50,410
I'd like to ask you something.
86
00:03:50,450 --> 00:03:51,550
What?
87
00:03:51,580 --> 00:03:53,850
Will you go to the homecoming
dance with me next week?
88
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:56,110
No, I won't go to the homecoming
dance with you next week.
89
00:03:56,150 --> 00:03:58,750
Thanks for getting back to me
so fast.
90
00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:04,180
And so, Harding seniors,
91
00:04:04,210 --> 00:04:06,880
I stand before you
as a former graduate,
92
00:04:06,910 --> 00:04:09,710
older and hairier.
93
00:04:11,010 --> 00:04:12,910
No, no, that's no good.
94
00:04:12,950 --> 00:04:16,010
Older, wiser...
95
00:04:16,050 --> 00:04:17,950
And hairier.
96
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,450
Mom, do I have to go with you?
97
00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:23,150
Honey, your father
is out of town.
98
00:04:23,180 --> 00:04:25,710
I need your help.
You've got to fill in.
99
00:04:25,750 --> 00:04:28,410
Mom, I don't know
how to play bridge.
100
00:04:28,450 --> 00:04:30,210
Neither does your dad.
101
00:04:35,450 --> 00:04:36,780
Okay, okay.
All right.
102
00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:38,310
What... what is so funny?
103
00:04:38,350 --> 00:04:39,780
Nothing. Nothing.
104
00:04:39,810 --> 00:04:41,850
It has nothing to do
with your moustache.
105
00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:42,980
Really.
106
00:04:43,010 --> 00:04:45,010
Okay, okay. I don't know what
you're snickering about.
107
00:04:45,050 --> 00:04:46,850
This moustache is flourishing.
108
00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:49,410
As a matter of fact,
I think it needs a trim.
109
00:04:49,450 --> 00:04:52,610
Oh, no. Please, you'll get hair
all over the place.
110
00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:00,250
Hey, Skippy, Skippy.
Listen, I'm glad you're here.
111
00:05:00,280 --> 00:05:02,350
I'm working on my speech,
and I think I got a joke here.
112
00:05:02,380 --> 00:05:04,150
Let me bounce this off you.
113
00:05:04,180 --> 00:05:07,410
Uh, since I graduated Harding,
114
00:05:07,450 --> 00:05:09,210
I have grown older,
115
00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:10,880
more mature,
116
00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:12,980
and a moustache.
117
00:05:13,010 --> 00:05:14,910
What do you think?
118
00:05:14,950 --> 00:05:16,710
Ohh!
119
00:05:19,580 --> 00:05:22,210
Okay, I'm not saying
it doesn't need work.
120
00:05:22,250 --> 00:05:25,110
Oh, Alex, I'm sorry. I'm just...
I'm not in a laughing mood.
121
00:05:25,150 --> 00:05:26,380
Why?
What's the matter, Skip?
122
00:05:26,410 --> 00:05:29,310
Well, yesterday's tragedy
is weighing heavily on me.
123
00:05:29,350 --> 00:05:33,480
But then, I'm sure
it's depressing you too, huh?
124
00:05:33,510 --> 00:05:35,380
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
125
00:05:35,410 --> 00:05:37,180
Yeah, it sure is, Skip.
126
00:05:37,210 --> 00:05:40,510
What tragedy
are you referring to?
127
00:05:40,550 --> 00:05:43,210
The one where Mallory won't go
to the homecoming dance with me.
128
00:05:43,250 --> 00:05:44,810
Oh, yeah.
That tragedy.
129
00:05:44,850 --> 00:05:46,080
Whoa.
130
00:05:46,110 --> 00:05:47,610
Can't seem to get that
out of my mind.
131
00:05:47,650 --> 00:05:49,710
I don't understand it.
I can't understand it.
132
00:05:49,750 --> 00:05:52,250
What could Mallory possibly see
in Nick?
133
00:05:54,310 --> 00:05:57,780
I-i mean, what could she see
besides what I see in Nick,
134
00:05:57,810 --> 00:06:00,280
which is a fine, young, decent,
135
00:06:00,310 --> 00:06:03,410
potentially lethal fellow.
136
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:05,080
Hey, uh, Skippy,
137
00:06:05,110 --> 00:06:07,280
Mallory tells me you asked her
to the homecoming dance.
138
00:06:07,310 --> 00:06:08,980
No. No, no, no, I...
139
00:06:09,010 --> 00:06:12,150
I asked her for directions
to the homecoming dance.
140
00:06:12,180 --> 00:06:14,350
Please, Nick,
y-you got to believe me.
141
00:06:14,380 --> 00:06:16,380
Well, you know, I wouldn't have
minded if she said yes.
142
00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:18,710
I mean, then that way I wouldn't
have to take her to this thing.
143
00:06:18,750 --> 00:06:21,150
Come on, Nick.
We're gonna have a great time.
144
00:06:21,180 --> 00:06:23,250
Oh, come on, Mallory, this dance
involves three things
145
00:06:23,280 --> 00:06:24,610
I can't stand.
146
00:06:24,650 --> 00:06:26,550
School, wearing a tie,
147
00:06:26,580 --> 00:06:27,850
and school.
148
00:06:30,280 --> 00:06:32,650
- Hey.
- Hey.
149
00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:34,850
Alex, this is not fair.
I've known her longer.
150
00:06:34,880 --> 00:06:36,510
I've loved her longer.
151
00:06:36,550 --> 00:06:39,080
I live close.
I'm more convenient!
152
00:06:40,380 --> 00:06:42,280
Women are funny that way, Skip.
153
00:06:44,550 --> 00:06:46,610
I'll ask someone else
to the dance.
154
00:06:46,650 --> 00:06:48,850
I mean, when Mallory sees me
with another girl,
155
00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:50,880
she'll be so jealous she'll beg
me to come back to her.
156
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,950
That's...
That's a foolproof plan.
157
00:06:52,980 --> 00:06:56,350
I don't see any flaws in it.
158
00:06:56,380 --> 00:06:57,980
Do you think I'll be able to get
someone else
159
00:06:58,010 --> 00:06:59,410
to go to the dance with me?
160
00:06:59,450 --> 00:07:02,580
It's not mathematically
impossible.
161
00:07:02,610 --> 00:07:05,710
Look, Skip, there's a whole
world of women out there
162
00:07:05,750 --> 00:07:08,110
just waiting
for a guy like you.
163
00:07:08,150 --> 00:07:09,410
Great.
164
00:07:09,450 --> 00:07:10,910
Find me one.
165
00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:13,250
Me?
166
00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:15,610
Come on, you just said there was
a whole world of women out there
167
00:07:15,650 --> 00:07:16,950
waiting for a guy like me.
168
00:07:16,980 --> 00:07:19,580
Not our world.
169
00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:23,150
Come on, Alex, please.
170
00:07:23,180 --> 00:07:25,010
Come on, I need your help here.
171
00:07:25,050 --> 00:07:27,310
All right, Skip. Okay.
I'll help you with this one
172
00:07:27,350 --> 00:07:29,810
but don't expect any miracles,
all right?
173
00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:30,810
I don't, I don't.
174
00:07:30,850 --> 00:07:34,350
All I ask is that she be female
and a human.
175
00:07:34,380 --> 00:07:38,710
You're kind of
tying my hands here, seriously.
176
00:07:40,980 --> 00:07:43,180
- Hey, Skip.
- Hey, Alex.
177
00:07:43,210 --> 00:07:45,780
Hey, what are you
all dressed up for?
178
00:07:45,810 --> 00:07:48,750
I've got a big date and, well,
I'm meeting her here.
179
00:07:48,780 --> 00:07:51,280
Well, you look great.
She must be pretty special.
180
00:07:51,310 --> 00:07:54,350
Oh, yeah.
Oh, she's special, Mrs. Keaton.
181
00:07:54,380 --> 00:07:55,450
What's her name?
182
00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:56,950
I don't know.
183
00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:00,480
Syl... Sylvia. Sylvia.
184
00:08:00,510 --> 00:08:03,510
Um, it's kind of a blind date
I arranged for Skippy.
185
00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:06,810
Yeah.
We'll probably get married.
186
00:08:06,850 --> 00:08:10,010
Well, when it's right,
you know it.
187
00:08:10,050 --> 00:08:12,850
Oh, boy, Alex,
I'm real excited about this.
188
00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:15,210
I mean, Mallory's gonna see me
with another girl,
189
00:08:15,250 --> 00:08:16,410
and she'll be mine.
190
00:08:16,450 --> 00:08:19,310
Now, uh, she's real pretty, huh?
191
00:08:19,350 --> 00:08:20,680
She's, uh...
192
00:08:20,710 --> 00:08:22,710
Well, she's sort of...
193
00:08:22,750 --> 00:08:23,880
What?
194
00:08:23,910 --> 00:08:25,110
Here.
195
00:08:28,010 --> 00:08:30,850
- Hello, Sylvia.
- Hello, Alex.
196
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:32,950
- Can I take your coat?
- Oh, thank you.
197
00:08:32,980 --> 00:08:34,650
Sylvia,
this is Skippy Handelman.
198
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:37,250
Skippy Handelman,
Sylvia Bogner.
199
00:08:40,710 --> 00:08:43,750
Hello, miss Bogner.
200
00:08:43,780 --> 00:08:46,180
That's Mrs. Bogner.
I'm divorced.
201
00:08:46,210 --> 00:08:47,880
Oh.
Well, uh, all right.
202
00:08:47,910 --> 00:08:50,050
Hello, Mrs. Sylvia Bogner.
203
00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:52,550
- I'm a doctor.
- Okay.
204
00:08:52,580 --> 00:08:54,410
- Uh, Mrs...
- Doctor.
205
00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:57,310
- Dr. Mrs. Sylvia Bogner.
- Mrs. Sylvia Bogner.
206
00:08:57,350 --> 00:09:00,210
Shall we sit down?
207
00:09:00,250 --> 00:09:01,580
Skippy?
208
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:05,780
Testing, one, two.
Testing, one, two.
209
00:09:05,810 --> 00:09:08,280
Handelman, case number one.
210
00:09:08,310 --> 00:09:10,550
Sylvia's a psychiatrist.
211
00:09:10,580 --> 00:09:13,380
Yes, I come from a long line
of psychiatrists.
212
00:09:13,410 --> 00:09:14,710
Oh. Oh, that's a coincidence
213
00:09:14,750 --> 00:09:18,380
because I-I come from
a long line of patients.
214
00:09:18,410 --> 00:09:20,680
Well, it's great that you two
have so much in common.
215
00:09:20,710 --> 00:09:22,250
Yes, it's really nice of you
216
00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:24,050
to help me out
on my project, Skippy.
217
00:09:24,080 --> 00:09:27,250
Oh, no problem.
W-what project is that?
218
00:09:28,810 --> 00:09:30,710
Oh, I'm sorry.
219
00:09:30,750 --> 00:09:32,780
I-I assumed Alex had told you
220
00:09:32,810 --> 00:09:35,950
I'm writing for the
National Psychiatric Journal.
221
00:09:36,980 --> 00:09:39,250
A study
of adolescent social life.
222
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:42,810
Alex told me you volunteered to
let me use you as a case study.
223
00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:45,510
Alex, can I talk to you
privately for a minute, please?
224
00:09:45,550 --> 00:09:48,210
W-would you mind excusing us
for a moment, uh, Mrs...
225
00:09:48,250 --> 00:09:49,280
Doctor.
226
00:09:49,310 --> 00:09:51,750
- Uh, Dr. Mrs. Sylvia Bogner?
- Mrs. Sylvia Bogner.
227
00:09:51,780 --> 00:09:54,750
While you two are talking,
do you mind if I use the phone?
228
00:09:54,780 --> 00:09:56,610
No, no. Help yourself.
It's right over there.
229
00:09:56,650 --> 00:09:57,610
Thank you.
230
00:09:57,650 --> 00:09:59,250
I'd like to phone my babysitter
231
00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:01,910
and make sure she puts
my children to bed by 11.
232
00:10:01,950 --> 00:10:04,080
They get to stay up until 11?
233
00:10:05,150 --> 00:10:06,180
Alex. Alex.
234
00:10:06,210 --> 00:10:07,650
What is going on?
235
00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:08,880
Look, Skip, I'm sorry.
236
00:10:08,910 --> 00:10:11,110
I didn't get a chance to
give you all the information.
237
00:10:11,150 --> 00:10:12,880
All the information?
238
00:10:12,910 --> 00:10:14,780
Alex, you've got me going
to the homecoming dance
239
00:10:14,810 --> 00:10:15,950
with a divorced mother
240
00:10:15,980 --> 00:10:18,550
who's studying me
for a psychology experiment.
241
00:10:18,580 --> 00:10:21,710
I mean, it's...
It's not exactly a dream date.
242
00:10:23,410 --> 00:10:25,150
Skip, you're not
the easiest guy in the world
243
00:10:25,180 --> 00:10:27,380
to get a date for, okay?
244
00:10:27,410 --> 00:10:28,980
T-the only other person
that I could find
245
00:10:29,010 --> 00:10:30,180
was in the biology department,
246
00:10:30,210 --> 00:10:33,650
and she wanted to dissect you
after the dance.
247
00:10:33,680 --> 00:10:36,110
Thank you, alex.
Shall we go, Skippy?
248
00:10:36,150 --> 00:10:37,910
Um, yeah, yes.
249
00:10:37,950 --> 00:10:39,950
Sure, Mrs. Bogner.
250
00:10:39,980 --> 00:10:41,410
Here.
251
00:10:41,450 --> 00:10:44,310
Oh, uh, Mallory,
I'd like you to meet somebody.
252
00:10:44,350 --> 00:10:46,580
- Oh.
- This is Mrs. Bogner,
253
00:10:46,610 --> 00:10:48,280
and she's with me.
254
00:10:48,310 --> 00:10:51,750
Hi.
Um, I think we met before.
255
00:10:51,780 --> 00:10:54,380
You're, uh...
You're Skippy's aunt.
256
00:10:54,450 --> 00:10:55,750
Uh, no.
257
00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:58,080
She's my date.
258
00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:01,350
Oh, well, nice to meet you.
259
00:11:09,410 --> 00:11:10,650
Listen, I got to make my speech
260
00:11:10,680 --> 00:11:12,150
at the dance tonight,
and I can't find my notes.
261
00:11:12,180 --> 00:11:13,150
Have you seen them?
262
00:11:13,180 --> 00:11:17,050
Maybe they're hidden
in your moustache.
263
00:11:19,110 --> 00:11:21,450
I-it's filling in nicely, honey.
264
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,510
Maybe I should just give up
on this.
265
00:11:23,550 --> 00:11:26,080
Oh, Alex, you just need
to give it more time.
266
00:11:26,110 --> 00:11:28,110
Yeah, h-how long have you
been growing it now?
267
00:11:28,150 --> 00:11:30,680
Eight months.
268
00:11:35,750 --> 00:11:37,450
- Hi, Nick.
- Hey. Can I come in?
269
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:39,850
I don't want anybody I know
to see me wearing this tie.
270
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:41,750
Hurry.
Get inside.
271
00:11:43,850 --> 00:11:45,680
Hey, Alex. Hey.
272
00:11:45,710 --> 00:11:47,880
Got some kind of insect
on your upper lip there.
273
00:11:47,910 --> 00:11:49,310
- Here, let me kill it.
- No!
274
00:11:49,350 --> 00:11:51,050
No, Nick. It's not...
275
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,710
It's not an insect.
It's a moustache.
276
00:11:53,750 --> 00:11:57,280
Oh.
Hey, can I kill it anyway?
277
00:11:58,910 --> 00:12:00,710
I'll let Mallory know
you're here.
278
00:12:05,410 --> 00:12:06,550
Nick.
279
00:12:06,580 --> 00:12:08,650
Hey. Come on in.
280
00:12:09,810 --> 00:12:11,150
Where are the Keatons?
281
00:12:11,180 --> 00:12:12,780
They'll be back.
282
00:12:12,810 --> 00:12:14,480
What have you done to them?
283
00:12:17,810 --> 00:12:19,510
They're all upstairs.
284
00:12:19,550 --> 00:12:21,180
I see.
285
00:12:21,210 --> 00:12:24,480
Listen, um, I want to talk
to you about Mallory.
286
00:12:24,510 --> 00:12:26,050
I never touched her, Nick.
I swear.
287
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:28,250
We're just neighbors.
We're not even close neighbors.
288
00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:30,780
Look, you can't even see
my house from here.
289
00:12:30,810 --> 00:12:33,150
Take it easy, Skippy.
Relax.
290
00:12:33,180 --> 00:12:35,650
Okay. Uh...
291
00:12:35,680 --> 00:12:38,150
Ahh.
292
00:12:38,180 --> 00:12:39,880
I'm very relaxed now.
293
00:12:39,910 --> 00:12:42,010
I swear.
294
00:12:42,050 --> 00:12:43,810
You and her are good friends,
huh?
295
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:45,550
Well...
296
00:12:45,580 --> 00:12:47,480
I am.
She hates me.
297
00:12:47,510 --> 00:12:48,680
No.
298
00:12:48,710 --> 00:12:51,180
No, no, no, no.
I-I wouldn't say that's true.
299
00:12:51,210 --> 00:12:52,550
Listen, you and her have had
300
00:12:52,580 --> 00:12:54,480
some good times together,
haven't you?
301
00:12:54,510 --> 00:12:56,110
A few.
302
00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:57,410
I used to like it
303
00:12:57,450 --> 00:12:59,580
when she would babysit for me
when I was little.
304
00:12:59,610 --> 00:13:00,450
It was great.
305
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:02,650
She'd let me watch TV,
read me stories.
306
00:13:02,680 --> 00:13:04,350
She'd let me stay up late.
307
00:13:04,380 --> 00:13:06,080
Hey, I thought you two
were the same age.
308
00:13:06,110 --> 00:13:08,010
We are.
309
00:13:09,550 --> 00:13:11,580
So look, you know, um,
310
00:13:11,610 --> 00:13:13,750
I get the idea
you kind of like Mallory.
311
00:13:13,780 --> 00:13:14,810
All right, look, Nick,
312
00:13:14,850 --> 00:13:17,450
maybe I used to like Mallory
a little bit.
313
00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:21,380
But, uh, now I'm very much
in love with Mrs. Bogner.
314
00:13:24,450 --> 00:13:25,450
Yeah.
315
00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:27,050
Well, you know, uh,
just the same,
316
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,310
I hope the fact that Mallory
and I go out together
317
00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:32,680
hasn't caused you any, um,
bad feelings or nothing.
318
00:13:32,710 --> 00:13:33,780
Not a bit.
319
00:13:33,810 --> 00:13:35,310
That's good, you know,
'cause I like you.
320
00:13:35,350 --> 00:13:36,810
You're a good guy.
321
00:13:38,250 --> 00:13:40,750
Okay, Mallory, come on down.
322
00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:47,450
Oh, Mallory, you look...
323
00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:50,550
Just okay, I guess.
324
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:53,510
Thanks.
Well, Nick, what do you think?
325
00:13:53,550 --> 00:13:56,010
I think you are gonna be
the best looking girl
326
00:13:56,050 --> 00:13:57,080
in the place tonight.
327
00:13:57,110 --> 00:13:58,110
Let's get a picture.
328
00:13:58,150 --> 00:13:59,780
Oh, no, no. Then I've got to
take this tie off.
329
00:13:59,810 --> 00:14:01,010
No, don't.
330
00:14:01,050 --> 00:14:02,510
Oh, I'll get it.
I'll get it.
331
00:14:04,580 --> 00:14:05,910
Ah. Hello, Sylvia.
332
00:14:05,950 --> 00:14:07,510
Good evening, Alex.
333
00:14:07,550 --> 00:14:11,050
Oh.
Hello, Mrs. Bogner.
334
00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:13,410
You're looking ravishing
this evening.
335
00:14:13,450 --> 00:14:16,510
Oh!
Why, thank you, Skippy.
336
00:14:23,150 --> 00:14:25,050
Shall we go?
337
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:26,710
- I have a car waiting.
- Oh.
338
00:14:26,750 --> 00:14:28,810
My dad's gonna drive us.
339
00:14:28,850 --> 00:14:29,810
Oh.
340
00:14:32,250 --> 00:14:34,050
♪ always on my mind
341
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,550
Can I have your attention,
please?
342
00:14:36,580 --> 00:14:39,010
Well, welcome to homecoming.
343
00:14:39,050 --> 00:14:41,150
And to begin the festivities,
344
00:14:41,180 --> 00:14:43,410
I take great pleasure
in introducing
345
00:14:43,450 --> 00:14:46,710
the salutatorian
of the class of 1984,
346
00:14:46,750 --> 00:14:48,310
our homecoming speaker,
347
00:14:48,350 --> 00:14:51,110
Alex P. Keaton.
348
00:14:54,910 --> 00:14:56,880
Thank you.
Thank you, Mr. Bidney.
349
00:14:56,910 --> 00:15:00,010
You know, uh, as I made my way
here this evening,
350
00:15:00,050 --> 00:15:02,550
I was reflecting on how much
has changed in our world
351
00:15:02,580 --> 00:15:05,050
since I left Harding.
352
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:07,780
Mostly in my face.
353
00:15:11,950 --> 00:15:15,250
Are you having a good time,
Skippy?
354
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:17,750
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
I really am.
355
00:15:17,780 --> 00:15:20,180
No, I'm not.
I'm miserable.
356
00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:23,050
Wide mood swings.
357
00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:24,280
Look over there.
358
00:15:24,310 --> 00:15:25,850
Look at...
Look at Mallory and Nick.
359
00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:28,150
He's got his arm around her.
She's whispering in his ear.
360
00:15:28,180 --> 00:15:29,850
They're having a great time.
361
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:32,650
Yes.
Isn't that nice?
362
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:36,280
Mrs. Bogner,
I'm in love with Mallory.
363
00:15:36,310 --> 00:15:39,110
I-I've been in love with her
ever since I was 6 months old.
364
00:15:39,150 --> 00:15:40,980
Sure, some of you may ask,
365
00:15:41,010 --> 00:15:44,150
"why a moustache?
366
00:15:44,180 --> 00:15:46,980
"why not a beard?
367
00:15:47,010 --> 00:15:49,150
"a goatee?
368
00:15:51,180 --> 00:15:54,780
Or perhaps some outrageous,
eye-catching sideburns?"
369
00:15:54,810 --> 00:15:58,180
Mrs. Bogner, please.
You got to help me.
370
00:15:58,210 --> 00:16:00,680
You study
adolescent social behavior.
371
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:03,280
Well, what would an adolescent
do in this situation?
372
00:16:03,310 --> 00:16:05,210
Skippy, you are an adolescent.
373
00:16:05,250 --> 00:16:07,550
I know. But I'm still
in the middle of adolescence.
374
00:16:07,580 --> 00:16:09,550
You know how it turns out.
375
00:16:10,710 --> 00:16:12,550
All I can tell you, Skippy,
376
00:16:12,580 --> 00:16:14,550
is don't deny the feelings
you have.
377
00:16:14,580 --> 00:16:17,510
Don't be afraid
to act on them.
378
00:16:17,550 --> 00:16:20,150
Act on my feelings?
379
00:16:21,780 --> 00:16:23,580
That makes a lot of sense.
380
00:16:23,610 --> 00:16:24,980
Thank you.
381
00:16:25,010 --> 00:16:26,910
Oh, it's been my pleasure,
Skippy.
382
00:16:26,950 --> 00:16:28,850
You've been
a fascinating subject.
383
00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:32,480
So much nicer than those
white mice I usually work with.
384
00:16:33,950 --> 00:16:35,050
Thank you.
385
00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:38,350
Sure, facial hair
may not be the answer...
386
00:16:40,610 --> 00:16:43,080
...to all the world's problems,
387
00:16:43,110 --> 00:16:45,480
but we must start somewhere.
388
00:16:45,510 --> 00:16:46,880
Thank you.
389
00:17:06,780 --> 00:17:08,650
I'm cutting in.
390
00:17:10,550 --> 00:17:12,650
I said, I'm cutting in, Nick.
391
00:17:12,680 --> 00:17:13,710
Nick, now.
392
00:17:13,750 --> 00:17:14,780
Hey.
393
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,050
Skippy, what are you doing?
394
00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:19,850
Nick, Mallory is my girl,
395
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:21,480
And I'm willing
to fight for her.
396
00:17:21,510 --> 00:17:23,180
'Cause I've known her
longer than you.
397
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:25,350
And if it wasn't for you, she'd
be with me here at this dance.
398
00:17:25,380 --> 00:17:27,650
Now, these are my feelings,
and I'm acting on them.
399
00:17:27,680 --> 00:17:29,880
The psychiatric community's
going to back me up on on this.
400
00:17:29,910 --> 00:17:31,910
Hey. Hey, hey.
Come on, now, Skippy.
401
00:17:31,950 --> 00:17:34,810
- Skippy, I don't want to fight.
- Yeah, but I do. I do.
402
00:17:34,850 --> 00:17:36,850
Just relax.
403
00:17:39,810 --> 00:17:42,210
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Nick, Skippy. What's going on?
404
00:17:42,250 --> 00:17:44,150
I don't know. I think
he really wants to dance.
405
00:17:44,180 --> 00:17:45,810
Skip, whoa, Skippy.
406
00:17:45,850 --> 00:17:48,110
I got him, Nick.
Whoa!
407
00:17:48,710 --> 00:17:50,010
Skippy.
408
00:17:50,050 --> 00:17:52,950
Here. What's happening here?
Break this up!
409
00:17:52,980 --> 00:17:55,110
Break this up!
Break it up. Break it up.
410
00:17:55,150 --> 00:17:56,810
Come on.
411
00:17:56,850 --> 00:18:00,480
Handelman, for a man
with four overdue library books,
412
00:18:00,510 --> 00:18:03,280
you're treading
on very thin ice.
413
00:18:05,110 --> 00:18:07,580
Keaton. Not you?
414
00:18:07,610 --> 00:18:09,850
I'm sorry, sir.
I don't know what got into me.
415
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,110
Must be the moustache.
416
00:18:22,550 --> 00:18:26,150
Your dad always lets me win.
417
00:18:26,180 --> 00:18:28,050
All right, okay,
that's the last time I go
418
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:31,010
anywhere near you, you,
or Skippy.
419
00:18:31,050 --> 00:18:32,210
What happened?
420
00:18:32,250 --> 00:18:33,880
One minute, I'm talking
to Mr. Bidney,
421
00:18:33,910 --> 00:18:35,510
and the next minute
I'm refereeing a fight
422
00:18:35,550 --> 00:18:37,510
between Skippy and Nick.
423
00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:39,010
What was the fight about?
424
00:18:39,050 --> 00:18:42,980
It was over Mallory.
Can you believe that?
425
00:18:45,180 --> 00:18:47,780
- Are you and Skippy okay, Nick?
- Yeah, we're all right.
426
00:18:47,810 --> 00:18:49,210
Luckily, we fell on top of Alex
427
00:18:49,250 --> 00:18:52,510
or somebody could have
gotten hurt.
428
00:18:52,550 --> 00:18:54,480
Well, I'm glad I could be
of service.
429
00:18:54,510 --> 00:18:57,780
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go upstairs
430
00:18:57,810 --> 00:19:00,210
and shave this moustache off.
431
00:19:00,250 --> 00:19:02,480
Ah, see?
I told you it was a moustache.
432
00:19:04,250 --> 00:19:07,110
Can we at least take a photo
of it before I shave it off?
433
00:19:07,150 --> 00:19:09,850
Oh, good idea.
I'll go get the zoom lens.
434
00:19:14,350 --> 00:19:16,380
What could Skippy
have been thinking?
435
00:19:16,410 --> 00:19:18,880
I never thought
he'd do something like that.
436
00:19:18,910 --> 00:19:20,410
Hey, don't be so hard
on the guy, Mal.
437
00:19:20,450 --> 00:19:22,080
I mean, he almost got himself
killed tonight
438
00:19:22,110 --> 00:19:23,810
because he cares about you.
439
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:28,480
You know, he's nice,
in an annoying way.
440
00:19:28,510 --> 00:19:30,510
Ah.
So you do like him.
441
00:19:30,550 --> 00:19:32,650
You know,
you should tell him that.
442
00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:34,310
Maybe.
443
00:19:34,350 --> 00:19:36,980
It's kind of comforting
to have him around, you know?
444
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:39,050
He's like an old sock.
445
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:42,110
Ah, you see? You know,
I think he'd like to hear that.
446
00:19:43,010 --> 00:19:44,810
Oh.
447
00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:45,980
Hi, Nick.
448
00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:47,350
Hey.
449
00:19:47,380 --> 00:19:48,680
Look, I'm sorry about tonight.
450
00:19:48,710 --> 00:19:50,010
I hope I didn't hurt you
too badly.
451
00:19:50,050 --> 00:19:51,910
Hey, hey, hey,
no hard feelings.
452
00:19:51,950 --> 00:19:54,080
Look, um, I'm gonna go
in the other room
453
00:19:54,110 --> 00:19:55,480
so you two can talk alone.
454
00:19:55,510 --> 00:19:56,950
Okay.
455
00:19:56,980 --> 00:19:58,780
That's very nice of you, Nick.
Thank you.
456
00:19:58,810 --> 00:20:00,210
Sure.
457
00:20:03,780 --> 00:20:06,480
Um, Mallory, did you have
a good time at the dance?
458
00:20:06,510 --> 00:20:09,080
Great. Um...
459
00:20:09,110 --> 00:20:10,950
Where's Mrs. Bogner?
460
00:20:12,450 --> 00:20:15,250
Well, she was getting a little
hung up on me so I had to, uh,
461
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,110
cut her loose.
462
00:20:17,150 --> 00:20:19,280
I'm sorry.
463
00:20:19,310 --> 00:20:21,210
No, Mallory,
I'm the one who's sorry.
464
00:20:21,250 --> 00:20:23,350
You've been rejecting me
for 18 years.
465
00:20:23,380 --> 00:20:25,380
And I just keep on making a fool
of myself,
466
00:20:25,410 --> 00:20:27,550
hoping something's gonna change.
467
00:20:27,580 --> 00:20:29,780
Has it been that long?
468
00:20:29,810 --> 00:20:32,480
Yeah.
And it's time I grew up.
469
00:20:32,510 --> 00:20:34,750
I'm glad
this happened tonight.
470
00:20:34,780 --> 00:20:38,650
It made me realize that I've
been living in a dream world.
471
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:41,280
D-do you know that I used to sit
around just thinking about
472
00:20:41,310 --> 00:20:43,210
what it would be like
if we got married?
473
00:20:46,450 --> 00:20:48,880
- Married?
- Yeah!
474
00:20:48,910 --> 00:20:51,150
Yeah, I had the whole thing
planned out.
475
00:20:51,180 --> 00:20:55,150
A big ceremony at night,
under a big tent.
476
00:20:55,180 --> 00:20:56,680
Like a circus.
477
00:20:56,710 --> 00:20:57,680
Exactly.
478
00:20:57,710 --> 00:20:59,180
But instead of walking down
the aisle,
479
00:20:59,210 --> 00:21:02,110
I get shot out of a cannon
toward the altar.
480
00:21:02,150 --> 00:21:06,480
And then, uh,
we'd go on our honeymoon.
481
00:21:06,710 --> 00:21:08,280
We'd go to Paris,
482
00:21:08,310 --> 00:21:10,250
where we'd spend our evenings
dining alone
483
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:12,410
on the banks of the Nile.
484
00:21:17,350 --> 00:21:18,710
Skippy.
485
00:21:18,750 --> 00:21:21,150
The Nile's in London.
486
00:21:26,980 --> 00:21:28,380
Whatever.
487
00:21:28,410 --> 00:21:30,880
And then we'd come back
and buy a house
488
00:21:30,910 --> 00:21:34,050
with all the money I'd make from
my job as a seat-belt tester.
489
00:21:37,450 --> 00:21:40,610
Skippy, did you ever
stop to think
490
00:21:40,650 --> 00:21:43,250
that maybe I'm not the one
for you?
491
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:46,080
I mean, I'm really not as
wonderful as you think I am.
492
00:21:46,110 --> 00:21:47,310
In fact, I think I've been
493
00:21:47,350 --> 00:21:49,610
pretty mean to you
over the years.
494
00:21:49,710 --> 00:21:53,950
Hey, remember that time
when we were 2 years old?
495
00:21:53,980 --> 00:21:57,610
I tried to glue you
to your playhouse door?
496
00:21:57,650 --> 00:21:58,910
Do I remember?
497
00:21:58,950 --> 00:22:01,580
Mallory, that was the greatest
thing that ever happened to me.
498
00:22:01,610 --> 00:22:03,810
I mean, don't you understand?
499
00:22:03,850 --> 00:22:07,650
When you pay attention to me,
it shows me that you care.
500
00:22:10,050 --> 00:22:13,350
Skippy, I do care.
But come on, we're 18 years old.
501
00:22:13,380 --> 00:22:15,480
If you and I are gonna continue
to be friends,
502
00:22:15,510 --> 00:22:18,350
I think we have to start dealing
with each other like adults.
503
00:22:18,380 --> 00:22:21,110
You're absolutely right.
I know.
504
00:22:21,150 --> 00:22:23,410
Look, Skippy,
505
00:22:23,450 --> 00:22:25,810
let's make an agreement, okay?
506
00:22:25,850 --> 00:22:27,880
I promise to stop being mean
to you
507
00:22:27,910 --> 00:22:29,610
if you promise
to stop treating me
508
00:22:29,650 --> 00:22:33,050
in this silly, childish,
romantic way, okay?
509
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:35,910
From now on we'll just have
normal conversations.
510
00:22:36,910 --> 00:22:38,750
Yeah, sure.
I'll give it a shot.
511
00:22:38,780 --> 00:22:40,480
Okay, let's try right now.
512
00:22:42,050 --> 00:22:44,450
Hello, Skippy.
How are you?
513
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:45,880
I'm very fine.
514
00:22:45,910 --> 00:22:48,550
Thank you for asking, Mallory.
515
00:22:48,580 --> 00:22:51,210
Um, how are your parents?
516
00:22:51,250 --> 00:22:52,910
They're very well, and...
517
00:22:52,950 --> 00:22:54,180
Will you marry me?
518
00:22:54,210 --> 00:22:55,750
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I just...
519
00:22:55,780 --> 00:22:56,950
I need more practice.
520
00:22:56,980 --> 00:22:59,980
I'm not very good
at being normal.
521
00:23:00,010 --> 00:23:04,180
Mallory, you... You got to
give me more time.
522
00:23:04,210 --> 00:23:07,550
I will. If you promise
you'll keep trying.
523
00:23:07,580 --> 00:23:08,880
I will.
524
00:23:08,910 --> 00:23:10,210
I promise.
525
00:23:11,710 --> 00:23:14,780
But occasionally,
just for old times' sake,
526
00:23:14,810 --> 00:23:16,910
would it be all right
if I came by and bugged you
527
00:23:16,950 --> 00:23:19,450
and you glued me to something?
528
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,750
Wouldn't have it any other way.
35351
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