Original subtitles

♪ I bet we've been together for a million years ♪

♪ and I'll bet we'll be together for a million more ♪

♪ oh, it's like I started breathing ♪

♪ on the night we kissed

♪ and I can't remember what I ever did before ♪

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ and there ain't no nothin' ♪

♪ we can't love each other through ♪

♪ ooh-hoo

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ sha-la-la-la

Okay, kids, I've gotta get going.

Say goodbye to the old man.

Okay, Dad, listen, have a safe trip, okay?

And give our love to Mom. Yeah.

Yeah, and Grandma too.

Daddy, do you really have to go?

Well, it's just for a few days, Jen.

Yeah, even so, Dad,

I mean, it's just not the same without you guys around here.

Yeah, we really miss you when you're not here.

Yeah, we love you.

Yeah. Love is an understatement.

Thank you, kids.

That's very sweet.

Uh, where's...? Uh, where's my suitcase?

Oh, it's in the car. The motor's running.

Uh, yeah. Thank... Thanks... Thanks a lot.

Uh... Uh, look, Grandma and I...

Uh, or your mother and I will be back on, uh... On Sunday.

Grandma's number is on the kitchen counter.

Right. Alex, I'm leaving you in charge.

Dad, don't worry. I'll rule with a firm but loving hand.

Okay.

Listen, have fun.

And if you need anything, give us a call.

Sure. Yeah.

Bye! Bye!

All right, bye-bye.

Well, you all heard Dad. I'm in charge.

Monica Dillon is gonna be here in an hour

and, uh, the two of you don't fit into our plans.

Well, where are we supposed to go?

Go to the mall. Go anywhere.

But Mallory's not allowed to use the car, Alex. Remember?

She's being punished for using it

when she wasn't supposed to last week.

I'm in charge, and, uh, your punishment's suspended.

Thanks.

Uh, Jennifer, you go with her, okay?

But I don't want to go to the mall.

Go to the moon, okay?

I don't care.

Just don't be here when Monica gets here.

Look, I can take you to Krissy's house, Jen.

I'm not allowed to go over to Krissy's house.

I'm being punished for goofing off with her at school.

Your punishment's suspended too.

You know, Alex, I like having you in charge.

Yeah, me too.

Thanks.

Now, get lost.

Try and be back for school on Monday.

Oh, hi, Alex.

Hey, Skip, listen, guy, uh, I don't think

this is a good time for one of our little chats, okay?

Is Monica Dillon coming over?

You got it. Okay.

Hey, uh, I gotta speak to Mallory before I go.

I... I got us a couple of tickets to the NCAA chess semifinals.

Yeah.

I... I want to invite her.

Well, Skip, she just left.

Although if you hurry, you may be able to catch her.

You know, usually it takes her 20 minutes

to back out of the driveway.

Oh, uh, hey, Mallory! It's me!

It's Skippy!

Uh, do you want to go out with me Friday night?

She... She stopped.

I think she's considering it.

Um, you know that telephone pole out there?

Yeah.

It smashed into our car.

I... I'll check for damage.

Oh, the car!

Oh, the car. Dad's car.

Mallory, how could you do that?

You know you're not supposed to be driving.

You're... You're being punished.

What am I gonna do, Alex?

We have to get that fixed before Dad gets back.

How are we gonna pay for that?

I don't know. I don't know.

There's gotta be three hundred dollars damage to that car.

I don't know where we're gonna come up with that kind of money.

Uh, good news.

The telephone pole's okay.

Look, Skippy, uh, we've got a little problem here.

Uh, maybe you could come back another time.

Well, I don't know where I'm gonna go.

I can't go home.

Why not?

It's jammed with people. My whole family's here

for the big Leland homecoming game.

They're making me sleep in the garage.

Unless you guys don't want to rent me a room, huh?

Not while I'm alive.

Skippy, why, uh...?

Why aren't your relatives staying in a hotel?

Because there isn't one available room

between here and the state line.

Hm.

Yes, there is.

Alex, no.

If there really is a shortage of rooms,

it seems to me that somebody who had a room to rent out

this weekend could really make a killing.

Or at least enough to buy a new fender,

if you get my drift.

Alex, no.

Well, Alex has a point.

There's a lot of money to be made.

My dad's charging his cousins $45 a night.

But Alex, it's wrong.

Of course it's wrong, Mallory.

Seventy-five a night is right.

Come on, Alex. It's wrong, and I'm telling you

you can't do it.

I mean, what if Mom and Dad find out?

What if Mom and Dad see the piece of modern art

you turned their car into?

Do it.

Okay, the, uh, ad is in the paper.

What's our state of readiness, Skipper?

All systems are go, chief.

The baby's room is in a state of rental preparedness.

It still feels weird to me,

renting out a room in our own house.

Well, Jen, don't... Don't think of it as renting.

All we're doing is letting strangers

use a room in our home

for money.

You know what I think?

Don't ask the impossible, Mallory.

Alex, I think that Mom and Dad would not approve of this.

Oh, come on, Mallory. You underestimate our parents.

Now, they are thoughtful, generous people,

and I think they'd be thrilled to know we were using their home

to... To shelter weary travelers.

You mean we're gonna tell them?

What are you, crazy?

Uh, hi. We've come about the room.

Come right in. Come right in.

Pleased to meet you. Jack Driscoll. Leland '81.

And this is my wife, Darlene.

Leland '82.

Pleased to meet you. Alex P. Keaton.

Leland '88.

And, uh, this is Skippy Handleman

Harding High '86.

My sister Mallory. Harding High '86.

God willing.

And my little sister Jennifer. Randolph Elementary '88.

What a bunch of smarties we are.

We were so happy to see your ads.

You know, you can't get a room in this entire town.

Do tell.

I... I'll get that.

Skippy, why don't you show the, uh, Driscolls the room.

Happy to, Alex. Right this way, Mr. and Mrs. Driscoll.

And, uh, may I say that I hope your stay here

is a pleasant one.

If you stay.

Don't tell me it's rented

or I'll kill myself right on the doorstep.

Well, no, it's not rented yet.

Although there's a couple looking at it right now.

Fine. We'll take it.

Um, but you haven't even seen the room.

We'll take it.

Are we there yet, Mommy?

Yes, sweetheart, we're here.

These nice people are gonna let us stay with them.

Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you.

This is it, Ma?

This is where we're gonna stay?

Yes, Dougie. This is it.

I don't like the lobby.

Oh, the room's perfect. We'll take it.

I love the bassinet.

Great. Well, we aim to please.

I believe the ad said 75 a night.

Right.

Wait a minute. We want that room.

I'll give you 80.

Eighty?

Eighty. I'm sorry, sir,

but that's not the way I do business.

Now, you offend me.

The Driscolls were here first, and they should get the room.

Make it 90.

I'm not as offended anymore.

Do something, Jack. I'm not gonna sleep in the car again.

We slept in the car last year for homecoming.

I still have ashtray marks on my neck.

Ninety-five.

Ninety-six. Ninety-seven.

Ninety-eight! Ninety-eight fifty.

Ninety-nine! Ninety-nine!

Wait a minute. Wait just one minute.

This is a big house.

What are we all bidding on one room for?

I mean, there's lots of rooms in this place.

Please, look, there's only one room for rent.

The others are occupied.

Little girl, do you have a room?

Yes. Give you 100 bucks for it.

You got it. Okay.

Well, um, I... I have a room.

Hey, Jen. All the guests asleep?

Yeah, I just tucked in the Driscoll family.

This is fantastic.

I never had so much fun in my life.

Why don't we do this more often?

Alex, does he have to sleep in here?

Mallory, look, he is an employee of Keaton Manor.

And he is entitled to sleep in the living room

with the rest of us.

Ah.

Who's, uh...? Who's sleeping bag is that?

Mine. Ah.

Looks comfy.

You're a real gentleman, Alex.

Jennifer, he's the boss.

It's important that he's well-rested.

You know, Alex,

I really didn't think this was gonna work out,

but so far it's been okay.

"Okay. " Jennifer,

I think it's a little better than okay.

The car is being fixed,

we, uh... We have enough money to pay for it,

and we've got a little money left over for ourselves.

How much left over?

Don't you worry your pretty little head about it, Mallory.

Let Alex handle all the big old nasty financial details.

I want some French toast.

The kitchen is closed.

Well, open it. I want some French toast.

You can have some French toast for breakfast.

I want it now.

Douglas Barker, you get up these stairs this instant.

You have had enough to eat.

I did not. I still have space.

Dougie!

Now, dear. Okay.

But there better be French toast here in the morning.

Ow!

Coming, coming, coming.

We've come about the room.

Alex, no.

We'd like one with an ocean view, please.

We're all booked up, Alex.

Uh, yeah, uh, like she said, uh,

we are completely booked.

In fact, we're overbooked.

I mean, I couldn't rent you a room, you know, even...

Even if I had one.

We're desperate and we're wealthy.

That's my favorite combination.

Welcome to Keaton Manor. Thank you.

Whoa, hey, wait!

Hold on.

Just a minute. Hang on...

Did you, uh...?

Did you get the sheets from all the beds, Skippy?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got everyone.

Some of the guests didn't want to get out of bed,

but I made them.

Good boy.

Can I help you?

Yeah. Can I get a massage?

I'm sorry, but the spa is closed.

I want a massage.

I'm sorry, but the...

I want a massage! All right! Okay!

Come here.

There you go. Get out of here.

Ah.

That's a lot better.

Thanks. Get yourself a little something.

Uh, we ordered room service over two hours ago.

Right, sir. Sorry.

You are...?

The Barkers. Room 201.

Yes, sir. Uh...

We'll, uh...

We'll get that up there right away.

Uh, don't forget I... I want the crusts cut off the toast.

Right, well, that's, uh... That's what's taking so long.

Oh. Well, sure.

Front! Front!

What is it now, Alex?

Mallory, what is the problem with the Barker's toast.

Alex, forget it, okay?

I'm tired of making sandwiches,

I'm tired of doing people's laundry

I'm tired of making their little beds.

Now, we have enough money for the car.

Let's just send everyone home and close up.

Mallory, how can you say that?

You know, we hotel operators have a...

Have a certain code of ethics.

You know, you can't just throw people out into the street.

Alex, that is the fifth time I have fixed that shower today.

I just locked the door.

There is no more bathroom for these people.

No more bathroom for these people?

That's hardly a motto for a hotel, Jennifer.

This is not a hotel, Alex. This is a house.

I'm with you, Jennifer.

Okay, look, listen to me.

Let's just get these people off to the game, okay?

Then we can sit in peace and... And we can talk about this.

Okay, all right.

All right, okay.

Attention. Attention, please.

This is the bus that will take you to the game.

Now, if you'll form an orderly line...

My feet are killing me.

Your feet? My back and my neck.

Right now let's just relax and enjoy the peace.

No more guests, please, Alex.

Hello, Keaton Manor.

Dad.

I meant in a "manner" of speaking,

hello...

Keaton.

You're where?

You're... You're what?

You're coming home now?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, I'm fine.

No, I'm just excited.

Yeah, we're all excited.

Boy, this is exciting.

Okay, Dad.

We'll see you soon.

What, Alex? Dad's coming home?

Yeah, he had to cut his trip short.

There's some kind of strike at the station.

Anyway, he's gonna be here in a couple of hours.

Oh, that's good.

We could use an extra hand around here.

Oh, come on, Skip. Is that all you could carry?

Sorry, Alex.

Well, Skippy, how'd you get the bags packed so fast?

Well, I took the clothes out of the drawers

and stuffed them into the suitcase.

How'd you know which clothes went in which bags?

Was that important?

Look, we can't worry about that now.

We gotta get the rest of these bags packed

and get these people out of here as fast as we can.

We won!

Oh, great.

Sit down and tell us every detail of the game.

Skippy!

Oh, uh, no.

I mean, grab your bags and get the hell out of here.

What he means is we had a... A little, uh... Uh, emergency,

and we're forced to evacuate the hotel.

What's wrong?

Well, the building, uh, is condemned.

Did you hear that?

He's making it up, Skippy.

Oh, no, no. Darlene and I want to stay.

This old hotel means a lot to us.

Uh, look, uh, Skippy, go get the rest of the bags.

Jennifer, you go help him.

We won!

Hey!

I am so pooped I'm not moving for the next two days.

Uh, that's what you think.

Hope you don't mind. I invited a few people.

Uh, mind. As a matter of fact...

Hey, what are you doing?

We did it! We captured the other team's mascot.

We got the Crawford Kangaroo.

Do you believe this? They captured the Crawford Kangaroo!

This is a day we will never forget.

I'm home.

Hi, Dad!

How was your trip?

It's so nice to see you.

What is going on here?

Now, Dad, uh, don't go jumping to any conclusions.

Whoa! Whoa!

I can't believe how angry Dad was.

I've never seen him like that.

He didn't seem that angry.

Oh, come on. He was beyond angry, Jennifer.

He had that... That look, you know?

Where he can't quite get the words out and he just goes:

Oh.

Shh! Here he comes.

Hey, Dad.

How's it going?

Wh...?

Do you think Dad will ever like us again?

Of course he will, Jen.

It's just gonna take a little time.

Twenty, 30 years.

He'll come around.

I hate for his last words to me to be:

Hey, Dad, come on. Stop. Look, at least slow down, okay?

Look, do you, uh,

plan on being mad at us for the rest of your life?

That is my plan.

But Dad, we're your flesh and blood.

Yeah, yeah, Dad.

Remember how cute we were when we were babies?

Yeah, well, I'm still a baby, Dad.

Will you read me a book, Daddy?

Yeah, Daddy, read us all a book.

Look, come on, Dad. Don't go away.

You always said that we should talk about these things.

Alex,

parents are conditioned to accept a...

A- a few, uh, minor problems

when they leave their children alone at home.

Spilled milk on the rug.

Broken dish.

There was a kangaroo

in my living room.

He was just here for the party, Dad.

Then I guess I'm overreacting.

Dad, if you just give us a chance,

we can explain everything.

Oh, can you?

Can you explain the valet parking in the driveway?

The flashing "Vacancy" sign

in front of the house?

The billboard on Route 41?

Look, Dad, I just... I... I just lost my head, you know?

When the... When the money started rolling in,

I got out of control.

I could... I could smell it.

I could taste it.

I could hear it calling me at night, saying,

"Alex, at last we'll be together. "

Dad, I... I guess you could just say that I...

I kind of became a... A moneyholic.

Dad, I need help.

Um, Dad, I guess most of this was my fault.

I mean, I shouldn't have been driving the car at night

without your permission.

And Alex and Jennifer were just trying to help

pay for the car damage.

They're really not to blame.

Well, I guess it's my fault too.

I shouldn't have asked Mallory

to take me over to Krissy's house

when I wasn't supposed to go.

Dad, uh, you left me in charge

and I let you down in every possible way.

I was immature, I was irresponsible

and, uh... And I was greedy.

I'm sorry.

He's coming around.