Original subtitles

♪ I bet we've been together for a million years ♪

♪ and I'll bet we'll be together for a million more ♪

♪ oh, it's like I started breathing ♪

♪ on the night we kissed

♪ and I can't remember what I ever did before ♪

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ and there ain't no nothin' ♪

♪ we can't love each other through ♪

♪ ooh-hoo

♪ what would we do, baby

♪ without us?

♪ sha-la-la-la

Yo, blackjack.

Again? You've beaten me 14 out of 15 hands.

Course I beat ya, Jennifer.

I'm playing with the Alex Keaton blackjack system.

It's the work of a genius.

Okay, I've watched enough.

I think I got the hang of it.

Now, deal me in.

Okay. Ladies and gentlemen,

place your bets.

One for the little lady.

One for the little man.

And one for the house.

Mallory?

Hit me.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Wai... Wai... W-W-Wait a minute.

Mallory, you got 46 showing.

So? Doesn't high man win?

For the last time, Mallory,

the object in blackjack is to obtain a hand

having a value greater than the dealer's hand,

but without being over 21.

Hit me, Jen.

Yo, eight. I needed that. Twenty-one.

Seventeen. You win again, Alex.

I'm tellin' ya Jennifer,

My system is gonna help Mom and Dad

break the bank in Atlantic City.

Forget it, Alex.

Mom and Dad are not going to gamble.

Alex, The only reason we're even going on this trip

is 'cause Mom has to give a speech

to a bunch of architects at some convention.

This trip is all business to her.

In Atlantic City

Peaches and cream

Haven't you guys gotten that out of your system yet?

Mallory, we... We're in a good mood.

We're gonna go to Atlantic City.

It's the most exciting place on the East Coast.

It's so rich in history.

The old hotels, the beaches,

the boardwalk!

Gambling.

Mom, don't forget gambling.

No gambling for us, Alex.

I still have to work to do on my speech.

That's gonna take up most of my free time.

I wouldn't say no gambling, Elyse.

This is Atlantic City,

Las Vegas of the Eastern Seaboard.

We wanna give that ol' Keaton luck a try

Have you ever gambled and won?

Never.

Th... That is like throwing money out the window.

Yes, but that's less entertaining.

Oh, there's the cab.

Let's go.

In Atlantic City...

Isn't this a great room, Elyse?

You can really smell the fresh ocean air.

Mm-hm.

Does it make you feel...

...the way it makes me feel?

I don't know. Do you feel like going over any notes?

I was hoping, at this stage of our relationship,

that wouldn't be necessary.

Oh.

I- I'm sorry, Steven.

I was thinking about my presentation.

I'm a little nervous about it.

Maybe this'll help you relax.

It might.

I told you we should've knocked first.

That wouldn't have stopped 'em anyway.

So how do you two like your room?

Great, but why do they have mirrors on the ceiling?

Steven, they have our room.

I... I mean...

Uh, the, uh...

Th-the mirrors on the ceiling are for, uh...

when in case you break your legs and you wanna comb your hair.

Look, Mom. Tom Jones is appearing in this very hotel.

Oh, maybe we can see his show.

Better yet, I might see him in the lobby or something.

Room service, please.

Jennifer, I thought we made it clear,

we have to economize this trip.

No room service.

We don't need room service, Jen.

It's so expensive.

We can eat great and save a small fortune

with this coupon book the travel agency sent.

Look at this:

Breakfast for the five of us,

all you can eat for $1.50.

This says we have to eat breakfast

between 3:30 and 4:00 in the morning.

It'll work out fine. Look.

We'll set the alarm for 3:15.

We'll... W-We'll go downstairs and eat a huge breakfast,

and if we really wolf it down,

you'll be back in your bed by 4:00.

Okay, guys and dolls,

I have condensed the entire Alex Keaton blackjack system

into 98 simple steps.

Here you go, Mom.

Alex, I do not want to spend my weekend

sitting in some dark, smoky room

with some desperate, driven gamblers

just obsessed with the idea of making a few miserable bucks

by the luck of the draw.

Why not?

Oh, my God! There he is!

That's Tom Jones!

Look! Look!

That is not Tom Jones, Mallory.

I think I know what Tom Jones looks like, Jennifer. Thank you.

Then why is he getting into the city bus?

Maybe he wants to go somewhere.

You ever think of that?

He's getting into the driver's seat, Mallory.

Well, that doesn't prove anything, Jennifer.

Give it up, Mallory.

Look, what do you say we all go

for a walk on the boardwalk, huh?

The boardwalk

The boardwalk

Wait. Wai... Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Where are you going? You forgot your cards.

What, what, what, what cards?

The Alex Keaton blackjack system.

Alex, we're going for a walk.

The boardwalk

Yeah, well, look. Th... There are blackjack tables on the way.

Maybe we can play one or two hands, Elyse.

Well, okay, but I wanna get back soon

so I can get my work done.

Okay, Dad, always remember:

split aces and eights, never split picture cards,

always double down on nines, tens, and 11s.

Okay, you got that? Got it.

Mom, run that back to me.

Alex!

All right. We'll get it in the elevator.

You gotta double down...

I know. I know.

Whoa.

Look at this, Dad.

Fortunes won and lost.

Hearts broken, lives ruined,

free drinks.

Thisis what America is all about.

Thank you, Thomas Jefferson.

Whoa, Dad.

Mom, I'm hungry.

Oh, can I get some ice cream?

Oh, in a few minutes, honey.

Your dad and I are gonna play a couple hands of blackjack

and then we'll go have a snack.

Hey, hey, Mom. Mom, look, what are you doing?

Every second you delay means interest lost

on the money we're gonna win.

Oh, there's Tom Jones! There's Tom Jones!

He's coming this way. Here he comes.

Good call, Mal.

Looked like him from a distance, Alex.

Come on, Elyse. You wanna give it a try?

Well, we might as well get it over with.

Now, You guys stay behind the rope, here,

and don't get in any trouble.

I'm sorry, but only people over 21 admitted.

Oh, well, I'll stay back here.

Dealer has 21.

What do you think I should do, Elyse?

Oh, don't ask me, Steven.

I can only think about my speech.

Stick. Hm?

Didn't you read the cards that Alex gave you?

Since the deck is rich in tens, you've gotta stick,

figuring the dealer's four will bust him.

You heard her. Stick.

Twenty-three. A bust.

Hey, we won.

Come on, let's cash in those chips.

Oh, come one, Elyse, why don't you just play one game?

Well, oh, all right.

Come on.

Guess it'd be silly to come all the way to Atlantic City

and not play one hand of blackjack.

Hey, Mom. How's it going?

Remember: If the dealer has a four, five, or six showing,

you wanna stick on 12.

If he's got three...

...hit to 13.

Seven or above, hit to 17.

It's great to see a mother and son

enjoying a common interest.

Okay, see, the dealer has a picture.

Hit. Hit.

Stick. Stick.

17 for the dealer.

Hey, hey, we win.

I gotta get in on this.

Hi.

How you doing? I'm big Al from Vegas.

Vinnie says hello.

Excuse me, son,

didn't I tell you you weren't allowed here?

Who, me? No, you've never seen me before.

I'm just here with my wife and my brother-in-law.

Nice try, kid.

See you later, hon.

Blackjack!

Oh. Whoo!

On that note, let's call it a day.

Come on, honey. Let's hit the boardwalk.

Can it, Steven. We're not going anywhere.

Hit me over here.

Stick.

Hit here, but be gentle.

Ooh. Soft 16. Hit me again.

Ooh. Stick.

Hit me over here on the end.

Stick. Thanks, Eddie.

My pleasure, Elyse.

The lady wins on all three.

Whoo!

Way to go, Mom. Hang in there.

How you doing? Nice to see you.

You've won quite a bit of money, Elyse.

Why don't we just cash in now?

Oh, Steven, everything is under control, baby.

One more hour and we are in Fat City.

Okay, now, Eddie, I'm doubling my bets.

Be nice to me.

Mom, can I go backstage

and hang around Tom Jones' dressing room?

Sure, honey. Say hi to Tom for me.

Mom, I'm really getting hungry.

Here's $10, get yourself some ice cream.

Mom, uh, I saw this girl in the lobby...

Okay. Stick, stick,

hit me here.

Whoo! Perfecto.

Bust.

The lady wins again.

Sixty-one, 62...

63. Whoo.

Mom, you ready for this?

I'm ready!

I'm ready!

You have won...

1,263 bucks.

Whoo! Mom, we did it!

Mom, are we rich?

No, we're not rich.

We're well-to-do.

Oh, am I glad you didn't quit, Elyse.

That was an incredible string of luck.

This is great.

Okay, Mom. All right, listen.

You're on a roll. You're playing with the casino's money.

Nothing can stop you now.

At this point, the Keaton system

takes a quantum leap.

We being quadrupling all the bets.

Hold it, hold it, you're not going back down there

to play again, are you?

She can't play up here, Dad.

Can't play up here, Steve.

What were you saying? I'm gonna quadruple my...

No, wait. Elyse.

May I interject here, please?

What... What's a matter, Steven?

Well, Why don't we just quit while we're ahead?

There are plenty of other things to do here.

Uh, go see the old boardwalk, the beaches,

salt water taffy.

It's a beautiful day.

Let's get out in the fresh air.

When you're back down in the pit, Mom,

don't let anything distract you.

All I see are the cards,

all I hear is the dealer.

I'm glad I made such an impression on you.

You're supposed to give a presentation in three hours.

I am way ahead of you, Steven.

I'll change clothes now,

take the papers down to the table with me,

and I'll go to the conference straight from there.

All right, I think...

Yes?

You ordered room service, sir.

I don't think so.

I ordered a snack, honey.

Come on in.

Over there.

Can't lose. I can't lose.

Keep 'em comin', Eddie. Keep 'em comin'.

Hi, Elyse. Remember me?

Steven, what are you doing here?

I thought you took the girls for a walk on the boardwalk.

Uh, I did. We've been gone for over two hours.

It was that long?

Hit. Stick. Stick. Hit. Stick.

Glad to see you, Steven.

The lady wins again.

Whoo!

Still winning, huh?

Oh, Steven, I wanna move here, to Atlantic City.

Oh, S...

The salt air, the chips.

The kids could go to school right here in the casino.

And They could learn the three Rs:

reading, 'riting, and roulette.

Bets down, Elyse.

Oh. Uh, 50...

Wait. 50... $50 on one hand?

Uh. No, That's $50 on each of five hands.

Oh, I see. On each of...

five hands?

Dealer has blackjack.

Elyse, you just lost $250.

Oh, come on, Dad. We can't win every hand.

That's why they call it a game of chance.

I know that Alex.

What are you doing over here?

I kinda got swept in here by the crowd.

Let's just see if they can sweep you back over there, okay?

Yeah.

Mom? Psst, Mom?

What is it?

Mom, it's 6:00.

Isn't it time for your conference?

My what? That's right.

Your conference is about to start.

You know, the main reason we came out here.

Mallory, go up to the Palisades convention room.

There'll be about 400 architects there.

Tell 'em you're my daughter.

Read 'em this speech.

Mom, I don't know anything about architecture.

Well, how do you expect to learn unless you try.

Let me know how it goes.

We flew halfway across the country for you to speak

to this convention.

It'll be a big honor for you.

It'll be a big honor for Mallory.

Okay. I'm gonna stick with 20.

17, 17, 13, 13.

The lady holds.

The dealer has 13, and 8 is 21.

You just lost another $250, Elyse.

Th... That was my eight!

I- I would've had 21 with that eight.

Hey, hey, Mom, Mom, Mom. Don't panic.

Here's what you do.

Okay, kid, what are you doing here?

I'm, uh, studying to be a pit boss

and I wanted to learn from the best.

No, huh?

I'm outta here.

Come on, Elyse. Make this the last hand.

We still have enough money for a nice dinner.

The lady's a loser.

I wasn't hungry anyway.

I don't understand, Steven.

Bets up, Elyse.

How's Mom doing?

Oh, don't be so negative, Jennifer.

Her luck will change.

Worse than I thought.

Mom? Mom?

What is it?

Um, this woman here liked your speech.

She has a-a-a question about the relative advantages

of wind power over solar power.

Wind power's better.

Uh, use it. You'll love it.

Hit me. An ace.

I'll stick with 20.

Fifteen, six is 21. Lady's a loser.

The lady's not a loser.

She lost a hand, that's all.

Bets up, please.

Ooh.

Alex. I need some more money.

I- I-I can't get even on $2.00 bets.

Look, Mom, why don't you take a break.

You're losing your concentration.

I don't need a break, Alex.

I need more money.

Mallory, Mallory.

What is it?

Uh, give me all the money you've got on you.

Mom, I don't have any.

Elyse, that is it.

We are getting out of here right now.

Uh, yoo-hoo!

Yoo-hoo!

Remember me?

You liked my speech on wind power and architecture?

Could I borrow $20?

Mom, listen. Look.

There... There are still a few bugs in my system.

So why don't you take a break. Relax. Have something to eat.

Will you quit bothering me, Alex?

You're not even supposed to be in here.

Henry! Henry, uh, would you come over here, please?

There's someone underage bothering the players.

Never mind, Mom.

Come on, Eddie. Deal.

Elyse, I'm taking the girls upstairs.

Wha...? Oh... Ss...

What...? Who is it?

It's me, Alex.

Alex, what time is it?

Three-thirty.

I couldn't sleep.

Guess you couldn't either, huh?

I might have dozed for a minute.

What's going on?

Nothing.

Dad and I couldn't sleep.

Guess you guys couldn't either, huh?

Not since you got here.

Hasn't mom come back yet, at all?

Nope. I Went down to the casino about two hours ago,

she was still playing.

You know, Dad, uh...

I kind of feel responsible for this.

If I hadn't pushed you and Mom so hard to gamble,

none of this would have happened.

It's not really your fault, Alex.

Yeah. You're right.

Mom went nuts.

Elyse.

Uh, I-I didn't expect you'd all be up.

We couldn't sleep.

Just come from the casino?

I left the casino about an hour ago.

The bottom fell out, Steven.

I see.

So, uh...

I- I took a stroll along the boardwalk.

You'll... You'll forgive me if I'm not in the mood

for a sing-along right now.

I... I forgive you.

I'm sorry, honey, but I saw this coming.

You got seduced by the thrill of getting rich quick,

and you totally lost all perspective,

you fell right into their trap.

You win big for awhile,

but inevitably the odds catch up with you.

So how much did you lose?

Oh...

Steven...

I won almost $2,000.

Hello.

Mallory, if I'm dreaming, please don't wake me up.

You have my word.

Elyse, I don't get it.

You said...

Th... The bottom falling out.

It did fall out, Steven.

An hour ago, I-I was sitting at that table,

and I'd just won my 18th consecutive hand.

And the dealer handed me a stack of chips that big.

There was more money than I'd ever seen in my life before.

And at that moment,

I never felt more empty or alone...

in my life.

You weren't alone. You had the chips.

Th... Th... Then I tried to think about...

what this weekend was supposed to mean.

The conference, for one thing.

You know, I-I had an opportunity to...

To present an exciting and innovative paper

to my fellow architects.

A paper I'd spent months preparing.

And I gave it all away.

And then I...

I thought about you guys

and how I'd ignored you

and mistreated you.

I just turned away from my family

so that I could win more money.

It's okay, honey. It's okay.

Mom...

what you did was terrible.

We're rich! We're rich!

It was so scary, Steven.

The only thing I lived for was my next blackjack hand.

Let's just call it temporary insanity.

I'm glad it's all over.

Mom, you look awful.

Let's get some room service up here,

And then we'll all feel a lot better.

Yeah, Jen. Do you want to call or should I?

No. No. No room service.

Why not, Mom? We're rich.

Yeah... No, see, you don't understand.

We are not rich.

We are not even well-to-do.

Come on, Mom.

Uh, We are not high rollers like you are.

To us, 2000 bucks is rich.

No, but you see,

this money isn't ours anymore.

What do you mean?

Well, after I left the blackjack table,

I- I put the money in the hotel safe

and I went for a stroll on the boardwalk.

And about a mile away I found a Midnight Mission,

and I went in, and I pledged $2000 to them.

All of this?

No. This is 1800.

We owe the other 200.

Let me see if I hear you correctly, Elyse.

You won $1800 playing blackjack,

and we are in debt for $200 to the Midnight Mission.

That's right.

We're poor. We're poor.

Okay. Okay, Let's not panic here.

I don't think any pledge made at 3:30 in the morning

is legally binding in the state of New Jersey.

It is binding, Alex, because I pledged it.

They don't know you here, Mom.

We can put a fake mustache on ya

and sneak you across the state line.

You make a father proud, Alex.

Don't you see?

I- I had to do this.

I- I had to do something

to get rid of that terrible feeling that I had.

If... If I kept this money,

I'd have never felt good about myself again.

This is tainted money!

There is no such thing as tainted money, Mom.

Alex, that's enough.

I hope you all understand.

We do, Elyse.

If you felt that strongly about it,

then giving away that money was absolutely the right...

You gave it all away?

You did the right thing. You did the right thing.

Right, kids?

We're with you, Mom.

Yeah.

Is the mission still open?

'Cause I could go over there and talk to the guy.

You did the right thing, Mom.

I love you all so much.

I'm still hungry.

Do you still have those coupons, Dad?