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1
00:00:01,735 --> 00:00:02,270
EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS #052
"Everybody Hates Houseguests"
CLOSED CAPTIONED
2
00:00:02,303 --> 00:00:06,440
(80's pop music playing)
3
00:00:06,474 --> 00:00:08,176
Hey, Greg, what's up?
4
00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:10,211
My father's going
out of town for a week.
5
00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:11,612
I have to stay
with my grandmother.
6
00:00:11,645 --> 00:00:13,214
I'm not looking forward
to it.
7
00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:14,248
Why not?
8
00:00:14,282 --> 00:00:17,618
Left, right, left knee,
right, left, right...
9
00:00:17,651 --> 00:00:21,089
Anyways,
I'll catch you later.
10
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:22,156
CHRIS ROCK:
For most of my life,
11
00:00:22,190 --> 00:00:24,425
I'd never had a friend
stay over at my house...
12
00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:25,726
Hey, Greg.
13
00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:27,361
...mostly because
I didn't have a friend,
14
00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:29,630
and we already had too many
people in our house.
15
00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:31,499
You want to just come
stay at my house?
16
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:32,766
Are you serious?
17
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,735
That'd be totally awesome.
18
00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:36,737
Yeah, all I have to
do is ask my mom.
19
00:00:36,770 --> 00:00:38,206
Boy, are you crazy?!
20
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:39,307
And why are you just
21
00:00:39,340 --> 00:00:40,341
springing this up on me?!
22
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:41,542
So he can't
come stay with us?
23
00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,477
Well, baby, it's just
that I'm at work,
24
00:00:43,511 --> 00:00:45,746
and I don't have time
to get ready for company.
25
00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:49,283
Okay, all right,
Greg can stay,
26
00:00:49,317 --> 00:00:50,618
but just tell him don't expect
27
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:52,220
anything special.
28
00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:54,555
* Our house,
in the middle of our street *
29
00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:57,191
I'm warning you, man,
don't expect anything special.
30
00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:59,693
Don't worry, dude,
I'm just happy to be here.
31
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:02,296
Hello, Greg!
Hors d'oeuvre?
32
00:01:02,330 --> 00:01:05,233
If this isn't special,
I'd hate to see her overdo it.
33
00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:07,335
Come, eat.
34
00:01:07,368 --> 00:01:09,670
Help! My mother is possessed
by a nice lady.
35
00:01:18,579 --> 00:01:20,348
* Ah, make it funky now.
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00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:39,300
Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION
37
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Now, wait a minute.
38
00:01:48,376 --> 00:01:50,678
You know we say
grace every night.
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00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:51,812
No, we don't.
40
00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:53,347
Yes, we do.
41
00:01:53,381 --> 00:01:54,348
Now, shut up and bless the food.
42
00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:56,317
If I didn't thank the Lord
at the table,
43
00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:59,253
my mother was going to send me
to thank him in person.
44
00:01:59,287 --> 00:02:02,356
Dear Lord, bless this food
that we are thankful to receive.
45
00:02:02,390 --> 00:02:03,424
Amen.
46
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:04,558
ALL:
Amen.
47
00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:06,394
What kind of food is this?
48
00:02:06,427 --> 00:02:07,528
GREG:
Vegetarian.
49
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:10,298
My stomach has a lot of trouble
breaking down enzymes.
50
00:02:10,331 --> 00:02:12,366
I didn't know you could buy
vegetarian fatback.
51
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:13,667
JULIUS:
It's not bad.
52
00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:15,803
Hey, pass the big piece
of vegetable.
53
00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:17,371
Do we have to eat this?
54
00:02:17,405 --> 00:02:18,539
If you want to eat here.
55
00:02:18,572 --> 00:02:19,907
Hey, Drew,
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00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:21,108
thanks for giving me your bed.
57
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,344
But if you want me to sleep on
the couch instead of you,
58
00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:24,412
I understand.
59
00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:27,215
Oh, no way. Now I have
the TV to myself at night.
60
00:02:27,248 --> 00:02:29,350
Julius, do you want me to make
you an extra plate for work?
61
00:02:29,383 --> 00:02:31,352
Oh, that'd be great,
baby. Thank you.
62
00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:33,321
Work? It's nighttime.
63
00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:35,423
He works at night.
And days.
64
00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:36,657
My dad has two jobs.
65
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:39,193
Make that three. I just picked
up a side job driving a cab.
66
00:02:39,227 --> 00:02:41,362
A cab? When do you have time
to drive a cab?
67
00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:42,930
I'm just trying it
for the weekend.
68
00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:44,198
I'll see how it goes.
69
00:02:44,998 --> 00:02:46,367
Wow. When do you sleep?
70
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,436
(all laugh)
71
00:02:48,469 --> 00:02:49,570
Hey, that's a good one.
72
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:52,240
Sleep.
73
00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:53,474
Greg brought so much stuff,
74
00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:57,411
I couldn't tell if he was
staying over or taking over.
75
00:02:57,445 --> 00:02:59,580
You're wearing
Transformers pajamas?
76
00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:00,814
Man, you're 15.
77
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,850
I like to pray
as different characters.
78
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:04,718
That way, God doesn't get bored
with me.
79
00:03:04,752 --> 00:03:05,919
Tonight, I'm Optimus Prime,
80
00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:08,489
leader of the Autobots.
81
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,493
(robotic voice):
Now I lay me down
to sleep,
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00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:16,697
pray the Lord my
soul to keep. Amen.
83
00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:19,500
He should pray
for some self-esteem.
84
00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:31,579
Good night, man.
85
00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:33,714
I can't tell you
how great it is being here.
86
00:03:33,747 --> 00:03:35,483
No problem. Night.
87
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,987
(snoring)
88
00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:42,523
The snoring actually
wasn't that bad
89
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,325
compared to what followed.
90
00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:48,396
* She's a maniac, maniac
on the floor *
91
00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:52,400
* And she's dancing like
she's never danced before *
92
00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:54,768
I was hoping a maniac
would break in
93
00:03:54,802 --> 00:03:56,870
and smother Greg with a pillow.
94
00:03:56,904 --> 00:03:58,972
Greg was driving me
up the wall,
95
00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:02,276
and my dad was about
to get taken for a ride.
96
00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:03,977
(siren wails in distance)
97
00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:10,484
Where to?
98
00:04:10,518 --> 00:04:11,652
Las Vegas.
99
00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:13,321
Seriously, man, where to?
100
00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:14,422
Las Vegas, Nevada.
101
00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:16,557
Man, you crazy--
get out of my cab.
102
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:17,591
Hey, no, seriously,
brother,
103
00:04:17,625 --> 00:04:19,793
I really need
to get to Las Vegas.
104
00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:22,363
Look, I cannot take you
to Las Vegas!
105
00:04:22,396 --> 00:04:24,798
Would you take me to Las Vegas
for a thousand dollars?
106
00:04:24,832 --> 00:04:27,368
For a thousand dollars,
he'd take you to South Africa
107
00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:28,936
during the height of apartheid.
108
00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:30,538
Just let me call my wife.
109
00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:31,772
To say good-bye.
110
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:35,443
(zany sound effects
playing on TV)
111
00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:38,045
Hey, you guys, your
cereal is on the table.
112
00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:40,981
Okay, here we go, Greg.
113
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:42,683
Egg white frittata,
114
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:44,552
honeydew melon
and dry wheat toast.
115
00:04:44,585 --> 00:04:46,620
Thanks. This looks delicious.
116
00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:47,955
Why's he get all this?
117
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:49,757
'Cause our regular food
would kill him.
118
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,291
(phone rings)
119
00:04:53,361 --> 00:04:55,563
(phone ringing)
120
00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:57,998
Hello.
Rochelle, it's me.
121
00:04:58,031 --> 00:05:00,468
Listen, I won't be home
for dinner tonight.
122
00:05:00,501 --> 00:05:02,035
I have to take a passenger
to Vegas.
123
00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:03,103
Vegas?
124
00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,538
Julius, are you crazy?
125
00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:05,606
What about your regular job?
126
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,508
I have a few sick days
I can use.
127
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:09,543
I'll be back
by the end of the week.
128
00:05:09,577 --> 00:05:11,645
Julius, you are not driving
that cab to Vegas.
129
00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:13,481
The guy's
gonna pay me
130
00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:14,582
a thousand dollars.
131
00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:16,083
Get me Wayne Newton's autograph.
132
00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:18,051
Bye.
133
00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:20,588
While my father set off
for Sin City,
134
00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:24,425
I showed Greg aroundthe
original sin city,Bed-Stuy.
135
00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:26,460
I can't decide on a hairstyle.
136
00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:29,563
I'm stuck between
Verdine White and Dr. J.
137
00:05:29,597 --> 00:05:30,698
I cannot cut your hair, Greg.
138
00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:32,433
Why not?
139
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:34,902
First of all, your hair's not
long enough to be Verdine White,
140
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:36,837
and it's not curly enough
to be Dr. J.
141
00:05:36,870 --> 00:05:38,506
I've never used these scissors
on straight hair.
142
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:39,740
I don't know what will happen.
143
00:05:39,773 --> 00:05:41,008
I'll start cutting
your hair, man,
144
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:43,477
sparks start flying everywhere,
your whole head catch on fire.
145
00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:46,113
And I will not be sued
by white people!
146
00:05:46,146 --> 00:05:48,716
Listen here, I got
the perfect shirt
147
00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:50,551
for your haircut, huh?
148
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:51,952
Five dollars.
149
00:05:51,985 --> 00:05:53,387
This has a hole in it.
150
00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:55,656
That's not a hole.
It's distressed.
151
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,625
Guys in Manhattan
pay top dollar for this.
152
00:05:57,658 --> 00:06:01,028
In fact, a distressed man
got shot in that shirt.
153
00:06:03,664 --> 00:06:04,465
Hey,
154
00:06:04,498 --> 00:06:06,800
little dude
from across the street.
155
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:08,436
Who this?
156
00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:09,670
It's my friend Greg.
157
00:06:09,703 --> 00:06:11,739
He's staying at my house
for a few days.
158
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,574
Hey, little white dude
staying across the street,
159
00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:14,642
let me hold a dollar.
160
00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:19,513
Nice shirt.
161
00:06:19,547 --> 00:06:22,683
Risky got the shirt
from Jerome.
162
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,652
Hey, I just
got a nickname.
163
00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:27,187
Hey, you just got robbed.
164
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,657
Cool!
165
00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:37,898
That's what
I'm talking about.
166
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:41,602
Hey, I hate to hold us up,
but I am starving.
167
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:43,504
You hungry?
168
00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:45,473
It's on me.
169
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:46,707
If you're paying, he's eating.
170
00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,041
I could eat.
171
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:50,578
I'll go and get
some food.
172
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:51,712
You keep the car running.
173
00:06:58,652 --> 00:06:59,987
I should call Rochelle.
174
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:01,622
He should call the cops.
175
00:07:05,526 --> 00:07:08,729
(phone rings)
176
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:11,899
She did not just leave a mint
on Greg's pillow!
177
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:16,537
(phone ringing)
178
00:07:16,570 --> 00:07:17,905
Hey. Hey, man,
what are you doing?
179
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,007
I thought I told you
to wait in the car.
180
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,008
I'm calling my wife.
181
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,175
I haven't talked
to her all day.
182
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:24,712
Do you want $1,000 or do you
want to talk to your wife?
183
00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:27,047
Nobody had to ask my father
that question twice.
184
00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:28,816
Let's go.
185
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:31,719
Today in Ohio, an armed fugitive
makes another stop
186
00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:33,687
on his cross-country wave
of terror.
187
00:07:33,721 --> 00:07:35,989
Will police catch him
before he strikes again?
188
00:07:36,023 --> 00:07:37,725
Find out at 11:00.
189
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:40,027
Hey, man,
where you been?
190
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:42,129
Washing your dishes.
191
00:07:43,531 --> 00:07:44,498
What are you doing?
192
00:07:44,532 --> 00:07:45,766
Turning to MacGyver.
193
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,501
But I wanted to watch NOVA.
194
00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:50,003
NOVA? What is that?
195
00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:53,006
It's a show on PBS about science
as it relates to the universe.
196
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:54,842
Cool. That's almost
like MacGyver.
197
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:56,644
Just like Lawrence Welk
is like Soul Train.
198
00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:58,846
Chris, Greg is your guest.
199
00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:00,514
Let him watch NOVA.
200
00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:01,882
Gelato?
201
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:03,250
Is that Italian for Jell-O?
202
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:04,151
Thanks.
203
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,185
I thought having
204
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:06,787
Greg stay over would be fun.
205
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,121
Probably what
the Indians thought
206
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:09,256
when they first saw Columbus.
207
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,659
ANNOUNCER:
Next on NOVA...
208
00:08:16,764 --> 00:08:20,701
DEEJAY:
WEBW 1020 news time 5:00 a.m.
209
00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:24,071
The search continues across
America for the taxicab bandit.
210
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,806
The suspect...
211
00:08:25,839 --> 00:08:27,675
Greg was an only child,
212
00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:29,076
and he was afraid
to sleep alone
213
00:08:29,109 --> 00:08:31,979
so he dressed as superheroes
to scare the boogeyman.
214
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,747
(breather mask hissing)
215
00:08:33,781 --> 00:08:35,883
Greg, get up.
Time to go.
216
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:37,851
What time is it?
217
00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:41,221
5:00 a.m.
218
00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:43,056
5:00 a.m.?
219
00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:46,259
We don't have to be to school
for another three hours.
220
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:48,061
Yeah, but if we don't hurry,
we'll miss the first bus.
221
00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:50,163
First? How many are there?
222
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:53,066
Three, plus a little
bit of a walk.
223
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:55,302
Greg was going to have to walk
a mile in my shoes.
224
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:56,870
How long of a walk?
225
00:08:56,904 --> 00:08:58,806
About a mile.
226
00:09:00,841 --> 00:09:03,777
GREG:
* Keep smiling, keep shining
227
00:09:03,811 --> 00:09:07,047
* Knowing you can always
count on me *
228
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:08,949
Greg, hurry up!
I need to get in!
229
00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:10,718
* That's what
friends are for... *
230
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:13,687
Chris, would you shut up?! Dang!
231
00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:15,956
* Keep shining,
knowing you can... *
232
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,090
Boy, what is
your problem?
233
00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:18,792
I need to go to the bathroom.
234
00:09:18,826 --> 00:09:19,927
Well, you bang
on that door again
235
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,830
and I'm gonna knock out
whatever you're holding in!
236
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:29,703
Hey, good morning,
Julius.
237
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:30,704
How'd you sleep?
238
00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:31,672
Like a baby, Eddie.
239
00:09:31,705 --> 00:09:33,941
Do you mind if I make
a quick phone call?
240
00:09:33,974 --> 00:09:34,808
Sure, sure, I don't mind.
241
00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:36,276
You think you can have
the car running
242
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:37,711
and ready to go in five minutes?
243
00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:38,846
Sure thing.
244
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:40,080
All right,
I'm just gonna collect
245
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:41,314
the deposit for the rooms back.
246
00:09:41,348 --> 00:09:42,783
Okay.
All right.
247
00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:46,019
Not just his deposit,
everybody's deposit.
248
00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:50,057
Operator.
249
00:09:50,090 --> 00:09:51,659
I'd like to make a collect call.
250
00:09:51,692 --> 00:09:52,693
My father had a system
251
00:09:52,726 --> 00:09:54,862
to beat the high price
of calling collect.
252
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:55,829
Hello?
253
00:09:55,863 --> 00:09:57,631
You have a collect call from...
Daddy fine.
254
00:09:57,665 --> 00:09:58,799
Nebraska cornfields.
Chris garbage. Hang up.
255
00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:00,734
Would you like to accept?
256
00:10:00,768 --> 00:10:02,302
Collect call
from your father?
257
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:03,904
Yeah. He's doing fine.
258
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:05,906
He's in Nebraska, and the
cornfields are pretty,
259
00:10:05,939 --> 00:10:08,709
and Chris should
remember to take out
the garbage.
260
00:10:08,742 --> 00:10:10,878
Okay.
Eventually, the phone company
261
00:10:10,911 --> 00:10:13,180
started hanging up
on my father.
262
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:14,815
Back at school,
Greg was catching up
263
00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:16,283
on more than his studies.
264
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:18,952
What year did the American
Revolution begin?
265
00:10:18,986 --> 00:10:20,821
Greg. Greg?!
266
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:22,790
1942.
267
00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:23,991
Greg, what's wrong with you?
268
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:25,693
You're usually so alert.
269
00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:27,661
It's because he's staying
at my house for the week.
270
00:10:27,695 --> 00:10:29,897
Oh, my God, he's drunk?!
271
00:10:29,930 --> 00:10:32,265
Did he have a 40 for breakfast?
272
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:33,433
I'm not drunk.
273
00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:35,836
I'm just not used
to getting up so early.
274
00:10:35,869 --> 00:10:37,805
Don't be ashamed-- Chris's
people have a history
275
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:40,974
of being up when the
rooster crows to go
to work in the fields.
276
00:10:41,008 --> 00:10:43,977
Who could expect
you to keep up?
277
00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:45,145
Go back to sleep.
278
00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:48,415
She was Don Imus in a dress.
279
00:10:48,448 --> 00:10:50,317
After school,
Greg was doing his homework
280
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:51,985
while I was doing my work work.
281
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:54,054
Okay, now, Doc left some
instructions for you, Chris.
282
00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:56,289
Now, get all the merchandise
out of all these boxes
283
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:57,791
and stock the shelves
with them, okay?
284
00:10:57,825 --> 00:11:01,862
Now, all the empty boxes
need to be broken down and
cut up into small pieces
285
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:05,332
and thrown into the Dumpster
behind the Chinese place
when Mr. Hoo isn't looking.
286
00:11:05,365 --> 00:11:08,902
Now, when that's done,
you can start your work.
287
00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:10,337
Hey, uh, Greg,
you need anything?
288
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:12,439
Soda? Ice cream bar?
289
00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:14,074
No, thanks.
290
00:11:14,107 --> 00:11:16,877
How come you don't do your
homework like that, Chris?
291
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:19,412
Because I'm too busy
cutting up boxes.
292
00:11:19,446 --> 00:11:21,915
Meanwhile, my father
had turned into Al Cowlings,
293
00:11:21,949 --> 00:11:23,383
and he didn't even know it.
294
00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:25,118
Hey, you might want
to slow down.
295
00:11:25,152 --> 00:11:27,120
They love pulling people over
on roads like these.
296
00:11:27,154 --> 00:11:29,289
If you're black,
they like to pull you over
297
00:11:29,322 --> 00:11:30,490
coming out of your driveway.
298
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:33,026
I-I think we need
to stop for gas soon.
299
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:34,962
Have you seen the
price of gas lately?
300
00:11:34,995 --> 00:11:35,963
It's highway robbery.
301
00:11:35,996 --> 00:11:38,065
Highway robbery?
302
00:11:38,098 --> 00:11:39,733
What's that supposed to mean?
303
00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:41,835
I mean, gas is
costing me a fortune.
304
00:11:41,869 --> 00:11:44,271
(laughing):
Oh. That's what you mean.
305
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:46,273
Here, I'll pay
for the last fill-up.
306
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:47,875
(chuckles)
A twenty?
307
00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:50,310
Keep the change.
Thanks, man.
308
00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:52,012
If my father
was allowed to see
309
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:54,214
the price of gas today,
it would kill him.
310
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:57,150
Now, why are you in such a
rush to get to Vegas anyway?
311
00:11:57,184 --> 00:11:59,452
One reason.
312
00:11:59,486 --> 00:12:02,956
(laughs softly)
Karen.
313
00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:05,959
We were together...
but I lost her.
314
00:12:05,993 --> 00:12:07,828
Well, what happened?
315
00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:09,296
It's a long story.
316
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:10,998
I made some mistakes,
317
00:12:11,031 --> 00:12:14,134
and now I have to go back
and tell Karen I love her
318
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:15,168
and get her back.
319
00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:17,905
Well, I hope it all
works out for you, Eddie.
320
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,807
Not to be nosy,
321
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,542
but you've got cash--
why don't you just fly to Vegas?
322
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,345
Oh, um, I'm, um...
323
00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:27,114
I'm claustrophobic.
324
00:12:27,147 --> 00:12:30,017
Not to mention truth-ophobic.
325
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,789
Oh, Chris, your dad
wanted to remind you
326
00:12:35,823 --> 00:12:37,090
to take the garbage out.
327
00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:39,092
Already did.
What's wrong, baby?
328
00:12:39,126 --> 00:12:40,828
Well, Ma, it's just that...
329
00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:41,962
No, not you, baby.
330
00:12:41,995 --> 00:12:42,996
I was talking to Greg.
331
00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:44,164
What's wrong?
332
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:47,334
(sighs)
I had to get up so early,
333
00:12:47,367 --> 00:12:49,069
and it took so long
to get to school,
334
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:51,004
I feel a little rundown.
335
00:12:51,038 --> 00:12:52,439
Oh, well, I'm sorry
you feel that way, Greg.
336
00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:54,307
You want Chris
to run you a hot bath?
337
00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:56,309
A hot bath? She wouldn't
let me use hot water
338
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:58,011
to make hot water.
339
00:12:58,045 --> 00:12:59,980
I am not running him a bath.
340
00:13:00,013 --> 00:13:01,048
Chris, be nice, okay?
341
00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:02,883
Greg has had a long day.
342
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:04,517
Um, that's okay.
343
00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:06,319
It's about time for bed.
344
00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:08,889
Okay. Well,
good night, boys.
345
00:13:11,959 --> 00:13:13,927
What's wrong with you?
346
00:13:13,961 --> 00:13:16,997
You had the same day as me--
and I had school and work--
347
00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:18,932
so why are you so tired?
348
00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:20,533
It's not like
I do this every day.
349
00:13:20,567 --> 00:13:22,369
Exactly.
If you got treated like me,
350
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:24,237
you wouldn't last two seconds.
Hey, man,
351
00:13:24,271 --> 00:13:26,106
at least you have
a little help around here.
352
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,141
Most of the time, I have
to get by on my own.
353
00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:30,978
Oh, yeah, with your own room,
your own TV, your own allowance.
354
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:32,980
You know what,
you're being really immature.
355
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:34,347
I'm being immature?
356
00:13:34,381 --> 00:13:36,216
Man, you're the one going to bed
dressed as Superman.
357
00:13:36,249 --> 00:13:39,920
No. I'm going to bed
dressed as Clark Kent.
358
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:41,054
What I'm trying to say is,
359
00:13:41,088 --> 00:13:43,023
you've been here
for the past four days,
360
00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:44,992
and I'm getting tired
of doing everything for you.
361
00:13:45,025 --> 00:13:47,327
You know what? Nobody asked you
to do anything for me.
362
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,462
I don't want you
to do anything for me.
363
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:52,099
At least that way, I won't
have to hear your mouth.
364
00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:53,867
Cool.
365
00:13:53,901 --> 00:13:55,135
Cool!
366
00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:00,974
(snoring)
367
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,012
Good morning, baby.
368
00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:06,546
Where's Greg?
His frittata's ready.
369
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:08,148
Oh, upstairs.
370
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:09,216
Oh, well, I got to go, okay?
371
00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:11,484
So make sure you clean off
the table and lock up,
372
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:14,021
'cause I got to be in early,
and tell Greg I said bye.
373
00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:15,255
Okay.
374
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:20,393
Bye.
375
00:14:20,427 --> 00:14:23,030
Since Greg didn't want me
to do anything,
376
00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:26,066
that's exactly what I did.
377
00:14:35,342 --> 00:14:37,911
Why didn't you wake me up?
378
00:14:37,945 --> 00:14:40,080
You told me you didn't
want me to do anything
for you, so I didn't.
379
00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:43,150
That didn't mean I wanted you
to let me sleep through school.
380
00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:44,952
I missed the quarterly
history test!
381
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:47,154
Well, maybe you should've gone
to bed dressed as Superman.
382
00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:49,389
That way you could've
flown to school.
383
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:51,391
Good thing
he doesn't have heat vision.
384
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:54,427
(fanfare playing)
385
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,031
SINATRA:
* She's got friends
386
00:14:58,065 --> 00:15:00,100
* By the dozens...
This is it.
387
00:15:00,133 --> 00:15:01,201
Yeah, this is it.
388
00:15:01,234 --> 00:15:03,436
And...
389
00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:05,205
here's your thousand dollars.
390
00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,140
Oh.
(chuckles)
391
00:15:07,174 --> 00:15:08,641
Julius, I really want
to thank you
392
00:15:08,675 --> 00:15:10,110
for getting
me out of a jam.
393
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:12,212
A ten-to-20-year jam.
394
00:15:12,245 --> 00:15:16,049
(sighs)
Boy... it's been so long
since I've seen Karen.
395
00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:17,484
I really hope I'm doing
the right thing.
396
00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:18,618
Well, do you love her?
397
00:15:18,651 --> 00:15:20,053
Without a doubt.
398
00:15:20,087 --> 00:15:21,088
Well, then you're
doing the right thing.
399
00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:22,289
You know,
400
00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:24,424
I got a good feeling
about you and Karen.
401
00:15:24,457 --> 00:15:26,326
(sirens wailing,
tires screech)
402
00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:27,694
Hey! Wha...?
403
00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:29,596
JULIUS:
Hey, wh-what's going on?
404
00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:31,198
Come out with your hands up!
405
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:33,666
Look, before you picked me up,
I robbed a bank.
406
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:34,767
Robbed a bank?!
Yeah,
407
00:15:34,801 --> 00:15:36,669
and every other place we stopped
since we left Jersey.
408
00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:38,071
What are you doing, man?!
409
00:15:38,105 --> 00:15:40,007
I'm sorry it had to come
to this, Julius,
410
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:41,241
but I cannot go back to jail.
411
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:42,642
You'll never take me alive!
412
00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:45,178
No, no, no, no, no!
Take me alive!
413
00:15:45,212 --> 00:15:47,981
Please, take me alive!
Out of the cab!
414
00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:51,018
Back home, Greg and I were
having our own standoff...
415
00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:54,054
minus the guns
and the masculinity.
416
00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:57,690
Okay, what's going on
between you two?
417
00:15:57,724 --> 00:15:58,591
Ask him.
418
00:15:58,625 --> 00:15:59,359
Chris?
419
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:00,460
I didn't do a thing.
420
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:01,594
You didn't wake me up!
421
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:03,130
You didn't wake him up?
422
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:04,231
Man, that's wrong.
423
00:16:04,264 --> 00:16:05,732
Who asked you?
Excuse me,
424
00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:07,500
I can handle this.
425
00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:09,202
You didn't wake him up?
That's wrong.
426
00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:10,537
Well, nobody
wakes me up.
427
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:12,439
Nobody puts chocolate
on my pillow.
428
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:15,508
If I took a half-hour
shower singing "That's
What Friends Are For,"
429
00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:17,444
and you had to pee,
you would smack the crack
430
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,578
out of my behind.
Okay, watch yourself, boy.
431
00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:20,213
If you didn't
want me to be here,
432
00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:21,081
why'd you even invite me?
If you don't
433
00:16:21,114 --> 00:16:22,615
want to be here,
why don't you just go?
434
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:24,117
Maybe I will.
See ya.
435
00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:25,118
Fine.
436
00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:26,019
I want to call
437
00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:28,188
my grandmother--
may I use your phone?
438
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:29,289
Sure, Greg.
439
00:16:32,159 --> 00:16:34,294
Chris, what is wrong with you?
440
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:37,264
I live here, and you're
treating him better than me.
441
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:39,766
(sighs)
Okay.
442
00:16:39,799 --> 00:16:42,035
Baby, Greg is your guest, okay?
443
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:45,172
I been doing stuff
for him for one week
444
00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:46,106
because he's your friend.
445
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:49,176
I've been doing stuff
for you for 15 years
446
00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:51,078
because you're my son, okay?
447
00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:53,113
Don't ever forget that.
448
00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:56,283
She wasn't home.
449
00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:57,584
Oh, yes, she was.
450
00:16:57,617 --> 00:16:59,586
(dance music playing)
(phone ringing)
451
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:02,122
One, two, three, wah!
452
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:04,557
One, two, three, wah!
453
00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:06,793
Meanwhile in Las Vegas,
my father rolled the dice
454
00:17:06,826 --> 00:17:08,328
trying to reason
with a madman.
455
00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:10,063
Eddie, you got
to give up, man.
456
00:17:10,097 --> 00:17:12,665
The cops are gonna
start shooting.
Oh, I got a plan for that.
457
00:17:12,699 --> 00:17:13,966
I'm gonna use
your body as a shield.
458
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,670
WOMAN (over bullhorn):
Eddie? Eddie,
are you there, honey?
459
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,339
Karen?
460
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:20,807
I love you, Eddie!
461
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,309
Karen...
462
00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:23,776
I love you, Eddie!
463
00:17:23,810 --> 00:17:25,812
Karen, I love you, too, baby,
I love you!
464
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:28,181
Eddie, please give up!
465
00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:30,817
Please, do it for me, Eddie!
MAN:
She's right!
466
00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:33,653
(crying):
Okay. All right.
467
00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:35,255
I give up!
468
00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:36,623
(crying)
469
00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:37,724
I give up! All right!
470
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:39,626
Get out of the cab!
He's coming out!
471
00:17:39,659 --> 00:17:41,628
I give up!
472
00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:43,763
That's the first time a woman
Karen!
473
00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:46,199
ever made a man
put a gun down.
474
00:17:46,233 --> 00:17:47,167
Here you go, Officer.
475
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,602
I know you need
to take this in as evidence.
476
00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:51,304
Freeze!
You're under arrest.
477
00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:54,307
No, they need to take you in
as evidence.
478
00:17:54,341 --> 00:17:56,343
After a week
of doing things for Greg,
479
00:17:56,376 --> 00:18:00,213
the hardest thing was something
I had to do for myself.
480
00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:01,281
You asleep?
481
00:18:01,314 --> 00:18:03,450
I'm not talking to you.
482
00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:05,218
But if I were talking to you,
483
00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:08,388
I'd tell you how angry I am
because of what you did.
484
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:09,356
Look, I'm sorry.
485
00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:11,391
But you know how tired
you were last night?
486
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:13,160
That's how tired I am
every night.
487
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:16,363
But I don't get to cry about it,
I just got to deal with it.
488
00:18:16,396 --> 00:18:18,231
You don't have it so hard.
489
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:19,499
How do you figure that?
490
00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:21,234
So you live in Bed-Stuy,
491
00:18:21,268 --> 00:18:23,436
it takes you three hours
to get to school,
492
00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:24,871
and you have
an after-school job.
493
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:26,606
So what?
I wish I had someone
494
00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:28,808
to fight over the TV
or bathroom with.
495
00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:31,211
The last thing my mother
cooked on the stove
496
00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:32,479
got her a year of probation.
497
00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:35,382
I don't do everything
on my own because I want to.
498
00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:37,350
I do it 'cause I have to.
499
00:18:37,384 --> 00:18:40,187
Dang, I guess I never
thought of it like that.
500
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:42,855
Sorry, man, I didn't mean
to be such a pain.
Aw, forget it.
501
00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:44,291
I'll tell Ms. Morello
what happened,
502
00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:46,459
and maybe she'll let you
take a make-up exam.
503
00:18:46,493 --> 00:18:47,894
You think?
Yeah.
504
00:18:47,927 --> 00:18:50,497
I'll just tell her that
you drank a 40 by accident.
505
00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:54,234
By the time Greg left my house,
he really felt at home.
506
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:55,835
Little white dude
about to go home.
507
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:57,870
Let me hold a dollar.
Sure.
508
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:01,608
See ya.
509
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:04,377
Hey, if you need pants
to go with that shirt,
510
00:19:04,411 --> 00:19:05,712
I can tighten you up.
Sorry,
511
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:06,879
but I just got robbed.
512
00:19:06,913 --> 00:19:08,581
Oh. Well, maybe next time.
513
00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:09,716
Yeah.
514
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:11,284
See ya.
Greg!
515
00:19:11,318 --> 00:19:14,254
Hurry up before we get shot!
516
00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:16,523
See you at school, man.
517
00:19:19,392 --> 00:19:22,329
Take care, Greg.
See ya, dude.
518
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:24,931
(engine starts)
519
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:28,735
* We are family
Why didn't you tell me
they were Negroes?
520
00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:31,438
It's okay, but I would've
appreciated a little warning.
521
00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:33,340
I always thought
that Greg was lucky
522
00:19:33,373 --> 00:19:36,809
because he had lots of toys,
a nice allowance and freedom.
523
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:40,480
But Greg showed me that I had
the most important thing
524
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,615
a person can have: a family.
525
00:19:42,649 --> 00:19:44,317
Oh! Oh, ooh, ooh.
526
00:19:44,351 --> 00:19:47,220
I need to draw you
a bath. Yeah.
Yeah.
527
00:19:47,254 --> 00:19:50,323
After Greg was gone,
I actually kind of missed him.
528
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:51,591
* We are family
529
00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:52,892
How was your trip, baby?
530
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:54,394
That's a long story.
531
00:19:54,427 --> 00:19:56,329
* Get up, everybody, and sing
532
00:19:56,363 --> 00:19:57,864
So how was it
having Greg over?
533
00:19:57,897 --> 00:19:59,966
Cool. Can he stay over
again sometime?
534
00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:02,235
Are you nuts?
535
00:20:02,269 --> 00:20:05,338
I never worked so hard
in my entire life.
536
00:20:05,372 --> 00:20:07,940
And I want my bed back.
And she is not making me eat
no more tofu.
537
00:20:07,974 --> 00:20:10,243
(Drew and Tanya complaining)
538
00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:12,745
Whoa, you gave
your brother's bed to Greg?
539
00:20:12,779 --> 00:20:14,814
And you sit up here washing
dishes for the white man!
540
00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:16,916
And that little TV show NOVA
was boring!
541
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:19,586
I'm tired of being a
vegetarian short-order cook!
542
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:22,589
* Everybody hates Chris.
(others continue complaining)
543
00:20:22,622 --> 00:20:26,326
Captioned by
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