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EVERYBODY HATES CHRIS #049
"Everybody Hates Bed-Stuy"
Closed captioned
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00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:03,771
CHRIS ROCK:
At the end of the school year,
I was going to graduate
3
00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:05,639
from Corleone Junior High.
4
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:07,475
My eighth grade picture
had a list
5
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:10,344
of everything I'd accomplished,
which so far, was nothing.
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00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:13,314
This was my last chance to make
sure that didn't happen again.
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00:00:13,347 --> 00:00:15,383
Why aren't you filling out
your yearbook activities form?
8
00:00:15,416 --> 00:00:17,185
Because right now,
the only thing I have
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00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:19,287
to put under my picture is
"human punching bag."
10
00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,322
How about "First Black
kid at Corleone"?
11
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:24,225
Actually, I wasn't the first
Black kid at Corleone...
12
00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:26,160
(gun cocks, then fires)
13
00:00:26,194 --> 00:00:29,330
I was just the first one
that made it into the building.
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00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:31,465
Okay, so I might be the first.
15
00:00:31,499 --> 00:00:33,334
But until now,
that hasn't meant a whole lot.
16
00:00:33,367 --> 00:00:35,336
But you tried out for
the basketball team.
17
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:36,637
And ran for class president.
18
00:00:36,670 --> 00:00:38,206
Yeah, but I failed.
19
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:39,373
Nobody remembers failure.
20
00:00:39,407 --> 00:00:40,608
I thought about
other Black people
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00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:42,176
who were first at something,
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00:00:42,210 --> 00:00:44,278
and what it would be like
if they had failed.
23
00:00:44,312 --> 00:00:45,213
Thanks for showing up.
24
00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:47,515
This Black guy was
in here, uh, Robinson.
25
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:50,218
You know I was going to break
the color line for him.
26
00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:51,685
He showed up 20 minutes late.
27
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:53,687
Claimed he couldn't
get a seat on the bus.
28
00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:55,523
Now you, kid,
you can't hit.
29
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:56,690
You can't run.
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00:00:56,724 --> 00:00:58,126
You can't throw.
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00:00:58,159 --> 00:00:59,593
But you show up on time.
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00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:00,861
It's not too late.
33
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:04,098
You can still get
involved in an activity.
34
00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:05,333
Like what?
35
00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:06,300
I don't know.
36
00:01:06,334 --> 00:01:07,268
Something that plays
into your strong suits.
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00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:10,538
Problem was,
all I had were weak suits.
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00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:11,605
Choir.
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00:01:11,639 --> 00:01:13,374
I can't sing.
Glee Club.
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00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:14,408
I can't sing.
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00:01:14,442 --> 00:01:15,476
The debate team.
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00:01:15,509 --> 00:01:16,644
You can talk, can't you?
43
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:17,478
Yeah, but that's full.
44
00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:20,748
Well, it looks like
the only thing left
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00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,550
is the Chess Club
and Journalism staff.
46
00:01:22,583 --> 00:01:24,652
I thought about joining
the Chess Club.
47
00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:25,853
Go!
48
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:31,259
(applause)
49
00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:33,827
Extra, extra!
Dummy joins newspaper.
50
00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:35,396
School newspaper, here I come.
51
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,398
Because failure
is not an option.
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00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:41,435
Captioning sponsored by
PARAMOUNT TELEVISION
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00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:13,767
School newspapers are different
in white neighborhoods.
54
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:15,936
For one thing,
there's no obituary column.
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00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,938
So, what do you
want to write about?
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00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:20,474
Politics.
No.
57
00:02:20,508 --> 00:02:21,675
I write about politics.
58
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,344
Okay, then sports.
59
00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:25,213
No, Ping does
the sports column.
60
00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:26,947
Mostly covers Ping-Pong.
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00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,616
Okay, then entertainment.
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00:02:28,649 --> 00:02:30,618
Like, movie reviews
and stuff like that.
63
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:33,554
This isn't Jet magazine,
this is a newspaper.
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00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:35,223
I like Jet.
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00:02:35,256 --> 00:02:37,291
Okay, then what do you
want me to write about?
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00:02:37,325 --> 00:02:38,859
I don't know, something
that you know about.
67
00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:41,562
She doesn't have the guts to
suggest a fried chicken column.
68
00:02:41,595 --> 00:02:43,564
Like what?
I don't know.
69
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:45,766
Something that's
unique to you.
70
00:02:45,799 --> 00:02:48,469
You know, something that's
unique to you, Blackety.
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00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:50,638
While I thought
about what to write,
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00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,640
my father thought
something was wrong.
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00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:54,408
Re-elect Lamar Johnson?!
74
00:02:54,442 --> 00:02:56,510
Why're you campaigning
for this guy?
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00:02:56,544 --> 00:02:58,412
Because my daddy
supported his daddy
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00:02:58,446 --> 00:02:59,813
when he was
city councilman,
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00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:02,516
and now I am just carrying
on the tradition.
78
00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:03,751
But you're hardly home as it is.
79
00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:05,853
Who gonna take
care of the house?
80
00:03:05,886 --> 00:03:07,588
That look means,
"Ain't you got two hands?"
81
00:03:07,621 --> 00:03:08,889
Baby, don't worry.
82
00:03:08,922 --> 00:03:10,558
The campaign will be over soon
83
00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:12,393
then everything will be
back to normal.
84
00:03:12,426 --> 00:03:14,662
I don't know why you want
to be involved with this guy.
85
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,564
He's nothing but a
crook and a womanizer.
86
00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:18,499
Julius, would you
quit being jealous.
87
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:19,667
He is not a crook.
88
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:21,802
I've know him
since I was a teenager.
89
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:24,672
So, even Saddam Hussein
had friends.
90
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,674
(knocking at door)
91
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:27,908
Could you get that?
92
00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:29,543
(knocking continues)
93
00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:30,878
Thank you, baby.
94
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,515
Julius, ha-ha!
95
00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,550
Good to see you,
my brother.
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00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:38,519
Hope you plan to
vote next week.
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00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:39,687
Yeah, I-I do.
98
00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:40,854
Hope you plan to lose.
99
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:41,955
Hi, Lamar!
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00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:43,391
Rochelle, how're you doing?
101
00:03:43,424 --> 00:03:45,293
Good to see you.
Look at you.
Oh, good.
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00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:46,660
Rochelle,
I want to thank you
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00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:48,562
for volunteering
to help our campaign.
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00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:49,997
Oh, not a problem, Lamar.
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00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:51,865
You know you are
like family to me.
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00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,967
Like play cousins.
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00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:57,671
My mother saw a councilman,
but my father saw this:
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00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,675
Rochelle, baby,
109
00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:03,944
Daddy needs you to get on out
there with your fine self
110
00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:05,579
and get Daddy them votes.
111
00:04:05,613 --> 00:04:08,416
Aw! But Daddy, it's raining
cats and dogs out there.
112
00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:09,550
Cats... (chuckles)
113
00:04:09,583 --> 00:04:11,552
Girl, you better
get on out there
114
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:12,653
and go on
that campaigning.
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00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:13,387
Get on out there.
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00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:15,756
Vote for Daddy.
Vote for Daddy.
117
00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,025
Uh, so can I pick
these up later?
118
00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:20,361
Oh, yeah, you know what,
I'll get started on them now.
119
00:04:20,394 --> 00:04:21,429
Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.
120
00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:22,563
What about dinner?
121
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,398
Oh, baby, can't we order
Chinese food?
122
00:04:24,432 --> 00:04:25,833
Well, who gonna pay
for this Chinese food?
123
00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:28,702
Uh, I can pay you
with my undying gratitude.
124
00:04:28,736 --> 00:04:31,505
Well, can you
pay me back with $13.43?
125
00:04:31,539 --> 00:04:32,940
(muffled grumbling):
Julius...
126
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:34,942
(both laughing)
127
00:04:34,975 --> 00:04:36,810
Julius, you funny, man.
Yeah.
128
00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:38,045
No, you funnier.
129
00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:39,747
No, you funny.
No, you really funny.
130
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:40,981
And you lucky.
131
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:44,084
I mean, you got yourself
a fine woman right here.
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00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:46,086
Yes, yes.
133
00:04:46,119 --> 00:04:47,655
Don't worry, baby, I'll cook.
134
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:49,757
(clears throat, coughs)
135
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,693
Uh, I was going anyway.
136
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:54,628
Bye.
Listen,
don't forget to vote.
137
00:04:54,662 --> 00:04:55,596
Oh, I won't.
138
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:58,332
Oh, he won't, but not for you.
139
00:04:58,366 --> 00:05:00,334
(button clatters)
140
00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:01,669
Oh, Julius.
141
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:08,108
Yuck!
What's the matter?
142
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:11,011
My peas are touching
my mashed potatoes.
So what?
143
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:13,581
I just hate when one food
touches another.
144
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:16,417
Baby, that's what mashed
potatoes are for.
145
00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:17,851
They're like little
clumps of glue
146
00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:19,620
that you use to
pick up your peas.
147
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,855
That's disgusting.
148
00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:23,357
I could only imagine
what would've happened
149
00:05:23,391 --> 00:05:24,692
if I'd tried that.
150
00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:25,959
I can't eat this.
151
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,695
My peas are touching
my mashed potatoes.
152
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:30,998
Are they separated now?
153
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:32,700
Mm-hmm.
154
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,636
Chris, put that paper away.
155
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,605
You're just
like your daddy.
156
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:39,473
You know better
than to read at the table.
157
00:05:39,507 --> 00:05:41,742
Sorry, ma-- it's just that
I'm writing an article
158
00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:43,644
in the school paper
and I'm looking for ideas.
159
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,513
Oh, well...
160
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,715
why don't you write
about Councilman Johnson,
161
00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:48,982
and all the wonderful things
162
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,784
that are happening
in the neighborhood?
163
00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:51,585
Like crack?
164
00:05:51,619 --> 00:05:53,821
You know what,
as a matter of fact,
165
00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,789
I think we all should help.
166
00:05:55,823 --> 00:05:57,491
Drew, you can
help me put up posters.
167
00:05:57,525 --> 00:05:59,159
And Tonya,
you can hand out buttons.
168
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,728
I've got homework.
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00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:03,564
Yeah, and I got to read
an autobiography on Billy Ocean.
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00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:05,766
Don't even look at me.
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00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,536
You know, that's a shame.
172
00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:11,839
People marched and had dogs
and hoses turned on them
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00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,408
for the right to vote, and
you guys can't even help.
174
00:06:14,442 --> 00:06:17,778
Maybe you should turn
dogs and hoses on them.
175
00:06:18,879 --> 00:06:20,548
Okay, fine.
176
00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,583
I'll do it by myself.
177
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:27,187
My mother had to do it on her
own, and so did I.
178
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:29,022
How's school?
179
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:31,959
Tough, I've got to write
an article for the school paper.
180
00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:34,194
Oh, you're a writer now, huh?
181
00:06:34,227 --> 00:06:35,796
Well, it's just that this
is my last year
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00:06:35,829 --> 00:06:37,164
at Corleone and I think people
183
00:06:37,197 --> 00:06:38,799
won't remember me
unless I do something.
184
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,568
Good for you.
185
00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:42,803
It's great to
be a writer.
186
00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:44,805
You can get your legacy started.
187
00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:45,939
Legacy?
188
00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:47,007
Your legacy.
189
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,876
Like, what people remember
you for.
190
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:50,110
Somebody should tell
Bobby Brown
191
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:51,812
about this whole
"legacy" thing.
192
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:53,714
Only problem is, I don't
know what to write about.
193
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,048
Well, you happen to be in luck.
194
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,817
I got a lot you can write about.
195
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,652
But you're gonna have to
tone it down a little bit,
196
00:06:58,686 --> 00:06:59,787
because it's juicy.
197
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,589
Really?
Yeah.
198
00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:03,724
You know, when I was young,
199
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:06,059
I was arealplayer.
200
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:07,728
I dated women
201
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,997
wherever I could find them.
202
00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:13,734
Oh, yeah, I was what you'd
call a serial dater.
203
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,869
I went out with
thousands of women.
204
00:07:15,903 --> 00:07:17,738
They all cried when I left.
205
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:20,007
But they'd all take me
back in a second.
206
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,975
No, I didn't know that.
207
00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:24,945
I dated all the pretty
women in Syracuse.
208
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:26,213
Both of them.
209
00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:29,750
Then I dated all the
pretty women in Albany.
210
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:30,818
Now we're up to three.
211
00:07:30,851 --> 00:07:34,522
Then, I dated all the pretty
women in Pittsburgh.
212
00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:35,823
Okay, we're back at two.
213
00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:37,891
But I know it's hard
to look at old Doc
214
00:07:37,925 --> 00:07:39,693
and think of me in that way,
215
00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:41,695
but I'm a real lady killer.
216
00:07:41,729 --> 00:07:43,130
I knew one thing for sure:
217
00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:45,866
nobody at school
was writing about this.
218
00:07:45,899 --> 00:07:48,201
While I was getting my story
down,
Johnson!
219
00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:50,270
my mother was
getting the vote out.
220
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,973
Vote Johnson! Johnson!
You got it, you got it.
221
00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:57,678
Johnson!
222
00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:03,884
Vote for Johnson!
Vote for Johnson!
223
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:05,853
Here, vote for Johnson,
he's a great guy.
224
00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:07,655
Vote for John... hey!
225
00:08:07,688 --> 00:08:09,957
Wait! Wait! Wait!
226
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:10,924
Wait, wait a minute!
227
00:08:10,958 --> 00:08:12,826
Wait a minute, what the
hell are you doing?!
228
00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:14,562
I'm trying to prevent
the election
229
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,296
of this evil individual.
230
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:18,231
Lamar Johnson is not evil.
231
00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:20,668
You know that since
this man has come into office,
232
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:23,070
my business has dropped 35%?
233
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:26,874
That's because the murder
rate has dropped 35%.
234
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:28,909
The whole reason
I moved to Bed-Stuy
235
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:30,578
was because
business was booming.
236
00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:32,780
I couldn't keep
a casket in stock.
237
00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:35,015
They were literally
flying into the ground.
238
00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:36,684
You are sick.
239
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:37,818
That's why I'm going
to do everything
240
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:38,986
in my power to get
him re-elected.
241
00:08:39,019 --> 00:08:40,988
I'm going to do everything
in my power to get him defeated.
242
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,956
What?! Wait a minute now.
243
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:44,224
If you're not voting
244
00:08:44,257 --> 00:08:45,826
for Johnson,
who are you voting for?
245
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:50,130
Himelfarb?
246
00:08:50,163 --> 00:08:53,166
Abe Himelfarb,
who owns the pawn shop?
247
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,935
With Himelfarb in office,
248
00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:57,037
everything will fall
naturally into place.
249
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:03,076
Over my dead body!
250
00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:06,013
That would be tragic,
251
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:08,115
but if it were to happen,
you can rest assured
252
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:10,884
I'll give Mr. Julius
a nice discount.
253
00:09:10,918 --> 00:09:13,921
You... you just stay away
from my posters.
254
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:19,059
Vote for Johnson!
Vote for John...
255
00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:20,628
Hey! Hey!
256
00:09:20,661 --> 00:09:22,663
Wait! Stop that man!
257
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,164
Stop him!
258
00:09:24,197 --> 00:09:26,867
Wait! Wait!
259
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,870
When I turned in my story,
Lisa read me the riot act.
260
00:09:29,903 --> 00:09:31,171
You call yourself a writer?
261
00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:33,206
This is the worst
story I've ever read.
262
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,743
I just wasted
20 minutes of my life.
263
00:09:35,776 --> 00:09:38,378
Do you know how many trees
died for you to write this?
264
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,681
You're destroying
the ozone layer.
265
00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:41,882
People are gonna get cancer.
266
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,316
Okay, okay, I get it.
267
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:44,685
So what's wrong with it?
268
00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:46,153
Everything--
who wants to read
269
00:09:46,186 --> 00:09:48,021
about some crusty
old ghetto Romeo?
270
00:09:48,055 --> 00:09:50,023
Well, you told me write
about something I know,
and I know this guy.
271
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:51,391
Well, if this
is the best you can do,
272
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:53,627
maybe you should think
about doing something else.
273
00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:56,196
Like the Chess Club?
274
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:58,932
Go!
275
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:03,336
(cheering)
276
00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:06,940
I wonder if there's
a Checkers Club.
277
00:10:11,244 --> 00:10:14,815
Lisa hated my story,
so I showed it to Ms. Morello,
278
00:10:14,848 --> 00:10:16,784
who loved anything black.
279
00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:18,886
Lisa's right, this isn't good.
280
00:10:18,919 --> 00:10:20,821
What's wrong with it?
281
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:25,125
Chris, there's nothing worse
than racial stereotypes.
282
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:28,161
We've seen this
a thousand times.
283
00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:31,031
The tall, shirtless Black man,
284
00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:33,967
his ebony pecs
glistening with sweat
285
00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:35,168
from working in the fields.
286
00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:40,974
His furrowed brow
filled with savage lust.
287
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,177
Where was I?
288
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:47,414
I think you were talking
about racial stereotypes.
289
00:10:47,447 --> 00:10:49,817
Oh, right.
290
00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:52,285
I want to read
about the real Black men
291
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:54,988
who walk the gritty streets
of the hood.
292
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:57,791
People like Super Fly,
293
00:10:57,825 --> 00:11:01,294
the Mack, Black Belt Jones,
294
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:04,031
Truck Turner and Blacula.
295
00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:08,001
Tell me the truth
about the pimps
296
00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:10,470
and the hustlers,
the violence...
297
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,940
all set to a jazzy beat!
298
00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:15,809
Oh, there's a jazzy beat
I want to give her,
299
00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:17,310
right upside the head.
300
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,879
Everyone else hated my article,
301
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:21,148
but I knew I could count
on Greg for support.
302
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:22,716
It's horrible, dude.
303
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:24,885
I've only been to your
neighborhood twice,
304
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:26,253
and even I have more
exciting stories.
305
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:28,221
Well, I don't know
what to write about,
306
00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:30,023
'cause everything they're
asking for doesn't exist.
307
00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:33,160
That's the wrong
attitude.
What do you mean?
308
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,795
Do you want to be remembered
309
00:11:34,828 --> 00:11:36,897
for being something more
than just a human pinata?
310
00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:38,298
Yeah.
Do you want to
have something
311
00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:39,967
under your picture
in the yearbook?
312
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,302
Yeah.
Then give the
people what they want.
313
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,041
I thought journalism
was supposed
314
00:11:48,075 --> 00:11:49,409
to be about
reporting the facts,
315
00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:51,244
but what I found out is that
316
00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:53,013
people don't always
want the facts.
317
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,282
So I decided to givethe people
what they want.
318
00:11:55,315 --> 00:11:57,851
I took Doc's story
about being a lady killer,
319
00:11:57,885 --> 00:11:59,753
and dropped the word "lady."
320
00:11:59,787 --> 00:12:01,188
OMAR:
Who do you want to beat?
321
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:02,089
CROWD:
Johnson!
322
00:12:02,122 --> 00:12:04,124
OMAR:
When do you want to beat him?
Now!
323
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:05,993
When I say, "Johnson,"
you say, "Fool." Johnson!
324
00:12:06,026 --> 00:12:07,160
CROWD:
Fool!
Johnson!
325
00:12:07,194 --> 00:12:08,128
What is that noise?
326
00:12:08,161 --> 00:12:09,296
That's Mr. Omar.
327
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:10,831
He's having
an anti-Johnson rally.
328
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:13,066
When do you want
to beat him?
What?!
329
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:15,168
When I say, "Johnson," you
say, "Fool"-- Johnson!
Fool!
330
00:12:15,202 --> 00:12:16,937
Johnson!
Oh! J...
331
00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:18,238
Who do you
want to beat?
Johnson!
332
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:20,440
ROCHELLE:
Tonya, tap your butt on
downstairs and lock the door.
333
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:21,809
Go on, now!
334
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:22,976
...you say,
"Fool." Johnson!
335
00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:24,111
CROWD:
Fool!
336
00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:25,312
Johnson!
Fool!
337
00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:27,881
Hey, hey, don't
listen to that fool.
338
00:12:27,915 --> 00:12:29,049
Johnson is a good man.
339
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,951
He's cleaning up our streets!
340
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:32,185
Vote Johnson!
341
00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:33,854
What kind of councilman got
342
00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:36,890
people campaigning for him
hollering out of windows?!
343
00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:38,125
Vote for Himelfarb!
344
00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:39,259
How you gonna
345
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:41,929
vote for somebody, and you can't
even spell their name?!
346
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:43,163
Vote Johnson!
347
00:12:43,196 --> 00:12:47,000
We can't spell his name, 'cause
Johnson ruined the schools.
348
00:12:47,034 --> 00:12:47,968
Vote for Himelfarb!
349
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:50,971
When I say, "Himel,"
you say "Farb"-- Himel!
350
00:12:51,004 --> 00:12:51,905
Farb!
Himel!
351
00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:54,374
Farb!
Well, at least
Johnson ain't locked
352
00:12:54,407 --> 00:12:56,409
out of his own
damn house!
353
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,946
When I say, "Locked,"
you say, "Out"-- Locked!
354
00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:00,180
CROWD:
Out!
355
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:01,381
Locked!
Out!
356
00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:02,549
That's what he is.
357
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:04,417
Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait!
358
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:06,854
Where you going?
Where you going? Come on!
359
00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:10,157
Himelfarb will open doors
that's been shut.
360
00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:12,893
He will put a chicken
in every pot.
361
00:13:12,926 --> 00:13:15,562
After I changed my story,
everyone else changed theirs.
362
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:18,165
Oh, Chris!
363
00:13:18,198 --> 00:13:19,399
Oh!
364
00:13:19,432 --> 00:13:20,400
My brilliant
365
00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:22,535
little Alex Haley.
366
00:13:22,569 --> 00:13:24,171
So, did you like the story?
367
00:13:24,204 --> 00:13:25,338
Like it? I love it!
368
00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:27,107
The Scissor Killer?!
369
00:13:27,140 --> 00:13:28,608
I wouldn't step
foot in Bed-Stuy
370
00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,310
for all the money
in the world.
371
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:32,345
That's how most people feel.
372
00:13:32,379 --> 00:13:33,480
It was so
frightening!
373
00:13:33,513 --> 00:13:36,149
So real!
The truth leapt off the page.
374
00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:37,584
The truth jumped off a cliff.
375
00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:39,186
So, are you going to publish it?
376
00:13:39,219 --> 00:13:40,287
Are you kidding?
After this story,
377
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,056
no one at this school
will ever forget you, Chris.
378
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,024
But that's just
the beginning.
379
00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:46,459
This Scissor Killer has got
to be stopped,
380
00:13:49,229 --> 00:13:50,463
atthe Brooklyn Crier, and
they published it, too! Look!
381
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,434
(exhales loudly)
382
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:56,203
Because of you,
383
00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:58,972
they're going to bring
this man to justice.
384
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:01,341
Because of me,
they're gonna waste their time.
385
00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:07,614
CHRIS ROCK:
I wanted to be remembered,
and this was something
386
00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:09,316
people were never going
to forget.
387
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,218
Brooklyn was paralyzed
with fear.
388
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:12,953
There was fear
in the beauty shop.
389
00:14:12,986 --> 00:14:14,154
"Put the knife to her and..."
390
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,555
(all gasping)
391
00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:18,225
There was fear
in the barbershop.
392
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:20,093
There was even fear
in the gutter.
393
00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:22,395
* All our times have come
394
00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:24,297
There was only one man
who was happy.
395
00:14:24,331 --> 00:14:26,233
(laughing)
* Here but now they're gone...
396
00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:28,235
Now that's what
I'm talking about.
397
00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:31,504
(wheezing laugh)
398
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:33,974
The Brooklyn Crier is working
in conjunction
399
00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:36,309
with local authorities
to determine the whereabouts
400
00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:39,279
of a man known only
as The Scissor Killer.
401
00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:42,149
The Scissor Killer was brought
to the attention of the Crier
402
00:14:42,182 --> 00:14:44,684
by this Corleone Junior
High School student after...
403
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:48,321
Rochelle, good God,
have you seen the stories?
404
00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:50,357
I just saw it on TV.
405
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,259
(stammering):
This is a... a...
406
00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:53,526
(stammering)
407
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,029
Oh, this is a disaster!
408
00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:58,398
Can you believe what this is
going to do to the community?
409
00:14:58,431 --> 00:15:01,368
I mean, why would you let
your son Chris write a story
410
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:04,037
like this when I'm trying
to get reelected?
411
00:15:04,071 --> 00:15:06,306
What? You're worried about
being reelected when my son
412
00:15:06,339 --> 00:15:07,674
is out there
about to be
413
00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:09,676
snipped to death by
a scissor killer?!
414
00:15:09,709 --> 00:15:11,979
Is that what you
saying to me?!
415
00:15:12,012 --> 00:15:14,281
Uh, n-no, no.
416
00:15:14,314 --> 00:15:15,248
Yes!
417
00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:16,216
I'm saying
418
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,051
what would people think
419
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:20,587
if I'm allowing a
serial killer to roam
the neighborhood?!
420
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:23,690
I hadn't seen spin like that
since Usher battled Omarion.
421
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:25,993
I don't know
if you noticed or not,
422
00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:27,627
but ain't nobody
in the neighborhood
423
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:29,629
except that killer
and my baby!
424
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:33,366
My story had pulled the wool
over the community's eyes,
425
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,235
but Doc's eyes
weren't woolly at all.
426
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,270
Who keeps taking
these posters down?
427
00:15:39,206 --> 00:15:43,010
Now, Chris, let me see
if I understand this correctly.
428
00:15:44,377 --> 00:15:46,113
The killer
came over here
429
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,248
and spontaneously
confessed to you
430
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:51,051
about his murderous
past in Syracuse,
431
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,452
Albany and Pittsburgh.
432
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:54,521
Is that about right?
433
00:15:54,554 --> 00:15:56,389
Yeah, if by right,
you mean wrong.
434
00:15:56,423 --> 00:15:57,557
Yeah, kind of.
435
00:15:57,590 --> 00:16:00,527
Oh, what part of
that did I get wrong?
436
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:03,263
The part about the killer
coming out here.
437
00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:06,599
Chris, you've got this
whole neighborhood terrified.
438
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:08,701
Ain't nobody
on the streets.
439
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:11,171
Ain't nobody out here, ain't
nobody coming in the store.
440
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:13,473
I'm sorry; it's just that
I want to be remembered.
441
00:16:13,506 --> 00:16:16,276
Chris, you can't base
your legacy on lies.
442
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:19,746
Now, you got to go and
tell somebody what you did.
443
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:25,218
Walking home,
I couldn't help thinking
444
00:16:25,252 --> 00:16:28,221
that my street was usually
filled with life,
445
00:16:28,255 --> 00:16:31,158
and now it was an empty
wasteland, all because of me.
446
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,160
I felt worse
than food poisoning.
447
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:36,629
Little dude from across
the street... come here, man.
448
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,399
Man, what you
doing out there?
449
00:16:39,432 --> 00:16:41,034
Don't you know there's
a killer on the streets?
450
00:16:41,068 --> 00:16:43,270
Nah, I'll be all right.
451
00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:44,537
Let me hold a dollar.
452
00:16:44,571 --> 00:16:47,740
* The people getting angry...
453
00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:50,377
Be safe out here.
454
00:16:50,410 --> 00:16:54,714
Did I just get mugged
from a window?
455
00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,818
Not only was Brooklyn filled
with fear,
456
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:01,088
it was filled with reporters.
457
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:03,556
WOMAN:
Today, the streets of
Bedford Stuyvesant are deserted.
458
00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:06,093
All of the murderers,
rapists and Black people
459
00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:07,327
who normally populate
these streets
460
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,728
are behind
closed doors.
461
00:17:08,761 --> 00:17:10,530
And yet, it
is no safer,
462
00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:12,332
because of one man--
the Scissor Killer.
463
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,501
There's the young man
that-that broke the story.
464
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:17,570
Let's see if we can get a word.
Young man... what we... how...
465
00:17:17,604 --> 00:17:19,772
Can you tell us any
more about the killer?
466
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:21,341
What kind of sweat
socks did he use?
467
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:23,443
How did you get away?
How did you get him...?
468
00:17:23,476 --> 00:17:25,145
The thing I was most afraid of
469
00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:27,080
was telling my parents
I'd made up the story.
470
00:17:27,114 --> 00:17:28,781
I couldn't think
of anything worse.
471
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:30,417
(overlapping chatter)
472
00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:31,584
Hello, worse.
473
00:17:31,618 --> 00:17:33,820
Oh, my God, Chris,
where have you been?!
474
00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:36,389
I was so worried
about you!
475
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:38,158
Your daddy is
on his way home.
476
00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:39,792
This detective wants
to talk to you.
477
00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:41,294
If you're Black,
478
00:17:41,328 --> 00:17:43,330
that's a sentence
you never want to hear.
479
00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:46,266
Listen, Chris, we need a
description of the killer.
480
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:48,235
Give me a second
to make one up.
481
00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:49,702
Well, he's Black,
482
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:53,440
um, five-two,
light skin, uh, afro?
483
00:17:53,473 --> 00:17:55,175
He stopped listening
after Black.
484
00:17:55,208 --> 00:17:56,843
What's going on?
There he is!
485
00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:58,678
On the floor, now!
ROCHELLE:
No! No! No, no, no, no, no!
486
00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:00,413
Hey! Oh, oh, oh!
You're going
to fry for this one!
487
00:18:00,447 --> 00:18:01,781
Hey! Chris!
ROCHELLE:
You got the wrong person!
488
00:18:01,814 --> 00:18:03,750
No, no, no! That's my father.
He's not a killer!
489
00:18:03,783 --> 00:18:05,452
How do you know?
490
00:18:05,485 --> 00:18:06,819
If I didn't tell the truth,
491
00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:08,655
there was going
to be an obituary.
492
00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:10,157
'Cause there is
no killer.
493
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:11,358
What?!
494
00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:12,825
You better explain
yourself, Chris.
495
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:13,860
I made it up.
496
00:18:13,893 --> 00:18:16,429
When I handed in my story
to the school newspaper,
497
00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:19,499
they said it was so dull that
they wouldn't even print it,
498
00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:22,435
so I made the story a little bit
more interesting to read.
499
00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:23,803
I'm sorry.
500
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:26,439
There's a gun pointing at
your daddy's head right now,
501
00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:27,774
and you're sorry?
502
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:30,177
Lamar Johnson's
campaign
503
00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:31,744
is falling apart,
and you're sorry.
504
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,680
People are running
around this neighborhood
505
00:18:33,713 --> 00:18:37,217
just scared to death,
and you're sorry.
506
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:39,186
Boy, you don't know
what sorry is.
507
00:18:39,219 --> 00:18:41,388
I'm going to ask you
one more time, ma'am:
508
00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:42,589
Do you know this man?
509
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,191
Yes! That's my husband,
510
00:18:44,224 --> 00:18:45,592
for God sakes!
511
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:46,826
Son,
512
00:18:46,859 --> 00:18:48,928
you've got a knack
for inventing evidence.
513
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:51,631
You might want to consider
a career in law enforcement.
514
00:18:51,664 --> 00:18:54,701
In a moment,
I might need a cop myself.
515
00:18:56,936 --> 00:19:00,507
All I did was stretch the truth.
516
00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:01,741
Oh, that's a
coincidence,
517
00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:03,643
'cause I'm about to
stretch your behind.
518
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:05,312
Get upstairs!
519
00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:07,247
After my mother
set me straight,
520
00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:08,848
I had to set
the story straight.
521
00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:10,483
You made it up?
Well, I'm sorry.
522
00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:12,452
I was just giving the people
what they want.
523
00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:13,553
Oh, this is
just great.
524
00:19:13,586 --> 00:19:15,822
All the real killers
running around Bed-Stuy, and you
525
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:17,324
had to make one up.
526
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:19,526
That's just lazy.
What else did you make up?
527
00:19:19,559 --> 00:19:20,693
Is your real
name Chris?
528
00:19:20,727 --> 00:19:22,229
Are you
even Black?
529
00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:23,530
Who knows?
530
00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:26,499
This is so disappointing.
531
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:29,236
You're the first
Black writer in the
school's history.
532
00:19:29,269 --> 00:19:30,870
I was the first Black
everything
533
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,038
in the school's history.
534
00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:36,476
You reach reporter status,
and you make up your story?
535
00:19:36,509 --> 00:19:39,479
What will your
people think of you?
536
00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:44,751
(Caruso sighs)
537
00:19:44,784 --> 00:19:47,687
You just had to lie,
didn't you, Aesop?
538
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,722
Hey, dude.
539
00:19:51,458 --> 00:19:54,594
So, I gave the people what
they want, and now look at me.
540
00:19:54,627 --> 00:19:56,963
Sometimes people don't
like what they want
after they get it.
541
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:58,398
I wonder if he'll want my foot
542
00:19:58,431 --> 00:19:59,632
in his behind
after he gets that.
543
00:19:59,666 --> 00:20:00,933
I got the yearbook.
544
00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:04,237
I learned a couple of important
things from this whole fiasco.
545
00:20:04,271 --> 00:20:07,006
Number one,
I learned the word legacy.
546
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:08,375
Number two, people are suckers
547
00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:09,942
for a serial
Scissor Killer story.
548
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:12,645
And C-- hey, I could write.
549
00:20:12,679 --> 00:20:14,581
But best of all,
550
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:16,583
I finally did get
something written
551
00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:18,718
under my school
yearbook picture.
552
00:20:19,619 --> 00:20:21,588
* Everybody hates Chris.
553
00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:25,358
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
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