All language subtitles for The.Remarkable.Life.of.Ibelin.2024.1080p.WEBRip.x265-DH_Track03

Before Mats passed away,

he left behind his password for us.

I think this was deliberate.

It was obviously something he had hoped
we would find.

Because behind that password

was a world
we knew absolutely nothing about.

I've cracked
a few cases in my time.

Ibelin Redmoore, private investigator,
at your service.

Sometimes you have to jump in
no matter how scary it might seem.

Help us! Come on, please!

Are you
going to stand there all day?

Robert Steen, I love you.

I love you more, you know.

Hi, should we carry you inside?

How lovely.

Do you wanna touch him?

We were young parents
and Mats was our firstborn.

He was the most beautiful
and most fantastic boy ever born.

We noticed that Mats developed slower
than other children at his age.

He stumbled more
and he struggled to get up.

We were eventually told

that he was born with
a rare muscle disease called Duchenne.

Only boys can get this disease
and mothers are carriers.

And there is no cure for it.

Yes. We need to hurry up.

Yes.

First day at school.

It's very painful
to see your child get worse and worse.

He was born
with a perfectly functional body.

And slowly but surely you're deprived
of one thing after another.

Then we have Mats!

Come on, Mats.

Come on!

- Shall I help you up?
- Hi!

Raise your arms!

I remember every time
we had to ask for a new aid.

I thought, "Damn, he's at this point now."

That was hard.

Absolutely awful.

All your dreams vanish.
It all goes dark.

Then you have to find new dreams.

We just had to try
to make every day with Mats a nice day.

- You enjoy your swim?
- Yes.

Thumbs up!

Hi.

- Are you having a good time?
- Yes.

Hi, Mats!

Happy birthday!

I don't think you know what it is.

I know what it is.

We agreed
to let Mats play a lot,

because of all the other things
he missed out on.

As he gradually became
more dependent on his wheelchair,

his gaming time
and screen time increased dramatically.

He would play
when the rest of us were having breakfast.

He would bring the games to school,
and he would play at home.

When he had been gaming a lot,
we could see it clearly.

He became tired and he lost his appetite.

He wasn't so bubbly and happy
as he used to be.

I remember
we spoke a lot about Mats

spending too much time at the computer.

I tried several times to convince him
to be outside more often,

to do some other things.

There we go.

Now Mia is in the shot.

Let's go and see.

Can he find the ball?

Mum and Dad were really good
at taking us on trips

with other families we knew.

It was fine in the beginning,

but after a while it got harder.

I remember
the day we were going to a concert,

and Mats suddenly decided
that he didn't want to join us.

We had all been looking forward
to this concert for a long time,

so I tried to convince him to come,

but Mats was determined.

He wanted to spend the evening gaming.

- Hi.
- Where are you off to, Erlend?

A concert.

- Are you excited?
- Yes, very.

Yes.

- Papa?
- Yes?

He lost touch
with the friends he had.

I can't remember if he really had
any friends in high school at all.

It's really hard to just live your life
and enjoy all the opportunities you have...

...when one of the people
you love the most gets fewer and fewer...

opportunities.

It's midnight.

Sleep well, my boy.

No thanks. Last test.

It's getting exciting.

I'm just closing it.

When Mats
finished high school, he moved out.

And he loved it.

Even though he only moved
to the first floor of our house,

he enjoyed his independence.

One of the first things he did
was to hang up a picture he loved.

He also started writing a blog.

He had special equipment made for him.

I can go backwards
while I do that, see?

Bang, bang, bang, you can hop to the side.

- And then keep shooting.
- I see.

It's amazing what
the makers of this game come up with.

- Mmm.
- They're creating a whole digital world.

Right.

Mats told us
that he was gaming with other people.

But we thought
that these people didn't know Mats

because they never met physically,
and they never talked.

And during his last ten years,

he probably spent 20,000 hours
in this gaming world.

His world seemed so limited.

If you're gaming 12 hours a day,
you don't have time for anything else.

You don't have time to meet your friends.

Our deepest sorrow lay in the fact

that he would
never experience friendships, love,

or to make a difference
in other people's lives.

The last video recording of Mats

was taken during his uncle's wedding.

He just fell asleep,
and then he was gone.

And then it was over.

You can never fully prepare
for losing a child.

He and I fought,

and struggled, and I think I often felt

that it was my fault

that he was born this way.

I mean, we had a bond that was so...
it was so strong.

And I lived and breathed for that boy.

Then it was as if time stood still
over the next few days.

We just
sat on the couch and cried,

and people came and went, and then...

It was just so strange.

When I walked past
his apartment with all his things...

Seeing the wheelchair
without someone in it...

It was so strange.

Yeah.

And there we were, Robert, and Mia, and I,

sitting on the couch
for what felt like at least 24 hours.

And we couldn't sleep,
so everything just became a blur.

When we'd gathered our thoughts a little,

we started thinking,
"Oh my God, we need to

tell people online."

They have to know
that he won't be logging on.

And then we thought,
"How do we do that, then?"

And Robert suddenly remembered,
"I have the password to Mats's blog."

"Maybe I can try that."

"I don't think it has a wide reach,
but I'll try anyway."

And then he sat down,
and together, we wrote that text.

And then we just sent it "out in space."

We didn't know
if anyone would see it at all.

And then,
we got email after email.

We were so confused.

What is this?

Who are these people?

Are they completely crazy or what?

Many people wrote a lot.

It was out of control.

Dear Robert, Trude, and Mia...

Mats was a real friend to me.

He was an incurable romantic

and had considerable success with women.

He would always throw,
like, a comment to lighten the mood.

If you told him
you were going to see a movie,

he would remember
that you saw that movie later.

He would
listen, and then, like...

I'm remembering, back then,
that he was there for me,

and I could also talk to him
about the stupid things.

And I feel almost like
he was part of the family.

You always knew that
when he told you something, he meant it.

And I don't think he was aware

of how big an impact
he had done to a lot of people.

I was born in 1989,

just in time to avoid most of the '80s.

Well, there was
some sweet music from that decade,

but the fashion
and the style was terrible.

Shoulder pads, strange hairdos,

and those dreaded pastel colours.

I know some like this style
for reasons that are beyond me.

It was the year the Berlin Wall crumbled.

Not that I recall anything about that.

I like that thought.

As if the wall had to come down
because I would be born.

I had just got
my first real electrical wheelchair.

With four large tires,
it was built for almost all terrain.

Quite impressive, huh?

It was called The Exterior,

and we had many adventures together.

That chair was so cool
that when I drove through the school yard,

a younger kid would roll up next to me
on his tricycle,

look up at me with big eyes and ask,

"Do you want to trade?"

Sure, I'll gladly trade you my chair.

It comes with a muscular condition.

Then I'd happily roll away
on my brand new tricycle into the sunset.

I was sent to summer camp
with other handicapped kids.

I hated the entire idea.

The biggest issue
I had with the camp

was the trip to an amusement park.

Parading in there
like some kind of freak show.

It was like some twisted,
handicap version of Prison Break.

I started thinking of ways I could escape.

The other people would stare.

They always talked in big, easy words.

"Hello. Do you like the park?"

Yeah, I'm not deaf or mentally challenged,
thank you very much.

I have a lovely apartment
and a loving family nearby.

I don't work as I don't need to.

"Lucky bugger," some might think.

I have my own reasons for this.

Suddenly this sounds like a contact ad.

Soon, I'll write about
long walks on the beach

and how great I am at listening.

No, you can relax.

We won't go there in this entry.

Luckily, I have found my escape.

It's not a screen.

It's a gateway
to wherever your heart desires.

I boot up the computer, music pumping.

And then, I leave this world.

I spend most of my time
in a little place called Azeroth.

In there, my chains are broken.

And I can be whoever I want to be.

I'm Ibelin Redmoore,
famed detective and nobleman.

He fights forces of evil,

and makes friends and enemies
wherever he goes.

Ibelin is expansions of myself.

Different parts of me.

A good thing about virtual beer
is that you don't get drunk.

You just pretend you did.

It must sound absurd,

but a fun challenge for a role player.

In real life,
I need to keep positive,

fight the hardships,
and emerge with a smile on my lips.

There were so many things
I had missed out on.

Friends I could have made if I had
just forced myself to be more social.

I guess I'll always be a bit shy that way.

In high school, there were parties,

attractive girls,

mopeds,
so many things a boy at 17 desired,

but they were all just dreams.

Things beyond my reach.

Just as I was about to pick up
the cutest girl in school

and drive some place romantic,

I was ripped out of my fantasy.

Dreams are nice that way.

You can always visit again.

Good thing I'm chained to this wheelchair

or I'd be out
giving my mother a heart attack,

thundering down the road
on a motorbike of my own.

Dear Trude, Robert, and Mia,

I'm a friend of Mats,
and I knew him through Ibelin.

I am the leader of Starlight,

the community of friends
Ibelin was a member of for eight years.

We meet each other through avatars,
and behind each of them is a real person.

And together, we role play.

The player adapts a role
and guides that role through adventures,

trials, and tribulations.

Roleplay at its core
is simply playing a role.

We choose what our avatar
should say and do.

Since Ibelin was very private, we knew
almost nothing about him in real life.

All the communication we had with him
were done through text.

And many of these texts were logged
and stored while we were gaming.

They were published publicly
on our forums,

but they weren't
easy to find for most people.

These texts contain gaming dialogue,

character diaries,
and forum discussions from our community.

In total, 42,000 pages.

So when Mats wrote,

"I'm an emotional man,
I often follow my heart,"

we know that he wrote this
the 30th of August 2012.

We know the location
and what was said by those with him.

Ibelin's feelings and actions
are also in the archive.

A good game of football.

- This soup is amazing.
- Yeah!

It was a peaceful,
warm evening in Azeroth.

Sitting around the campfire
enjoying some drinks and good stories.

While we were sitting there,

a dark-haired, mysterious beauty
comes out of the woods.

I'm not sure how it happened,

but she started teasing
and flirting with my character.

And I liked it.

My character just sat there,
clueless of what to do next.

She's flirting with you.
You should go after her.

Tss. No, no, she is not flirting with me.

She's clearly into you.

Hmm.

Eventually, Ibelin got up,

and he followed the mysterious woman.

That's how it began.

There was something
very exciting about her.

Her humour, the way she acted.

I was sold.

...see what they're on about,
so I did.

...that can be uprooted with ease.

In real life, I was 17 at the time,
no idea how to even approach a girl.

I've never been drinking more
at any point in my life than I do now,

and even though one mug
might not be so bad,

the dumb bartenders keep refilling it,

so at the end of the evening,
you can't be sure how much you've had!

I really need to find a different...

Luckily, pretty much every character
in this virtual world looked great.

Many might find this silly,

but at least
looks don't matter much anymore.

It's all about personality.

I'm starting up my business again,
even got my first client yesterday.

I've cracked a few cases in my time.
It's a small agency.

Here.

An old business card.

You should just go out there
and spread these around.

Ibelin Redmoore, private investigator,
at your service.

It was just a virtual kiss.

But, boy, I could almost feel it.

It was the closest thing I've ever been
to a crush in my entire life.

It was amazing.

Oh.

You eventually get tired
of throwing stones all night.

The world's going crazy, I tell you.

Just need to keep going and stay busy.

All that talk about...

She just disappeared.

She had to be around somewhere.

Wherever you are, Rumour,
you are always with me.

I was walking around
in Elwynn Forest near Goldshire.

This soup is amazing.

And then I saw
two people sitting around a campfire

back at the lake.

And I just thought,

"I've just gotta steal the hat
and see what happens."

There was no real much pre-thought
or plotting or planning around it

apart from, "I'm just gonna do it
and see what happens."

We had the whole,
"Let's go on a date together,"

and he would give the flowers.

Um...

It's a slightly cheesy,
but still nice kind of thing.

Every girl always says,
"No, I don't really need flowers,"

but we really love it
when we still get them.

I never got to see him
because he...

he didn't want to, like, video call
or share his camera.

He was mostly
just typing along in the chat.

And then we did ask him to also,

"Just join us in the voice channel
and we'll talk together,"

but he refused.

Well, I just sort of pictured him
like one of my fellow students,

because he was, you know, around my age.

You know, being in high school,
walking through the hallways, um...

Those kinds of things,
and, like, after school,

I figured he'd to go into the city center
with a couple of friends,

visit game stores.

We shared the same interests,
we were online every evening,

just talking, role playing,
just having fun.

I would play into the night.

And at some point,
my grades did start to suffer.

There were lots of fights going on
between me, my mother, and my dad.

They said, "Your grades are dropping.
We don't want you to fail school."

"It's not good for you to just sit inside.
You should be active."

My mother going, "You should log off now,

or else I will pull the wires
out of the router to cut the connection,"

and I was like, "No, no,
I just need to play a little bit more."

"I'll just log off in half an hour."

Which, of course, I didn't.

And eventually that led up
to them taking away my computer.

I tried to tell them, "But now I can't
tell my friends that I'm not coming."

"Can I at least have it back
to let them know about that?"

And they said, "They don't need to know,
'cause they're not your real friends."

"Why do you care about them?
You've never met these people."

"You've never seen them."

It was very painful.

So I got depressed.

Um...

I couldn't really figure out reasons
anymore to get out of bed.

"What am I living for?"

Those kind of thoughts.

Eventually, I was sort of like,
"Okay, I've been gone a while now."

"I should find a way to let them
at least know what happened,"

then I figured I could go to the library,
because there was a computer there.

Hey, Lis!
Great to hear from you again.

Well, first off,
he asked me how I was doing.

I told him,
"Okay. I'm coping and holding on."

Would be nice to talk to you again,
so I hope to hear from you later today.

If you can't show up, I will understand.

Ibelin was a really,
really big support pillar, shall I say,

because it was a friend
that I could be open with

about all the things that was going on.

Hello again, Merry Christmas.

I think it's part of the things

that got me out of that depression
that I was in.

Hey, Lis.
So how has your summer been so far?

Thanks for all the talks we had this year.

Here's a little something I wrote today.
Hope you like it.

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Roovers,

you might not know me,
but I'm a friend of your daughter Lisette.

Me and several other friends
are concerned about her.

We heard her computer
was taken away from her.

Eventually, he indeed wrote
the letter to my parents

asking if they could
please return the PC to me

and have a good talk about it.

And he told me to show it to my parents,
which I did.

I am not sure why you are
not allowing her to play these games,

but there has to be some other way
to solve this conflict.

Don't keep pushing her away.
Just try to come to an agreement.

All I ask of you is that you consider
what you are doing,

and you try to come up with
a solution everyone can live with,

because this is not the right thing to do.

I think it was just
such a weird thing for them to have,

essentially a letter that's written

by someone who's concerned
about your daughter,

who lives, like, three countries away.

I think she's a great person,

and I consider her
one of my close friends.

From a worried friend, Mats Steen, Norway.

Yes!

I drew
Ibelin holding Rumour close.

It says, "Warning, cuteness alert,"
and a little smiley.

So I sent the picture to Mats.

I was overwhelmed.
Truly an amazing gift.

It always brings a smile to my face.

In this other world,

a girl wouldn't see a wheelchair
or anything different.

They would get my soul, heart, and mind,

conveniently placed
in a handsome, strong body.

- It's Mats himself.
- Yeah, yeah.

In real life, I've grown weaker,

and can't even eat much of the delicious
Christmas dinner like I used to.

Powdered sugar and banana.

It's Mia's smoothie.

It feels odd
to just watch the others eat.

Oh, how I miss those flavours.

You see, I have my own food device

pumping liquid food into me.

I graduated with flying colours.

I was among the best.

But I have no job to go to,
nowhere I should be.

My dream is to be able to work,
feel valued, and respected.

Before I got to know Ibelin,
I had seen him around.

Every single day
when he logged into the game,

he ran the same route

about half an hour.

And then we started to talk.

He told me he had a job
and he worked early hours every day.

Then again, he was always gaming
in the early hours every day.

So you're not trusting Starlight...

He wasn't so keen on sharing
what he was doing as work.

I was thinking, "Is there anything wrong?"

But I didn't want to pry.

So I started to share things
of my own life with him.

I couldn't really connect
really good with my son as I wanted to

because he has autism, and...

I felt like a bad mom because
I couldn't make my son feel good.

It was really hard.

I got four years
where I couldn't get myself to go out.

I didn't even go to school.

I just stayed home.

I'd lie in bed
to just keep everything away from me.

He hated if you touched him.

When I was going to bed,
my mum would want a hug from me.

- And I was just like...
- "No."

Yeah, "Why?"

And I think that was because
I didn't have a connection with my mum.

And I tried to explain that to Ibelin.

And then he... he went quiet.

And he said, "Well,
try and connect with him through gaming,

because you have seen he likes to play."

And then I was like,
"Well, he's got a point."

I do remember
I had quite a lot of fun playing.

And I feel almost like
he was part of the family.

But there are solutions
to most things.

I do remember when I learned
that I could hug people in-game.

Mikkel, he came in one day,

and he said, "Well, Mum,
there's an emote in the game."

"You can have a hug like that."

I was really hoping
that my mum would accept that.

I felt... happy,

because I could give what my mum wants,

without feeling uncomfortable.

I told Ibelin, "What have you done?"

And he was like, "Well, isn't it nice?
It's a new way to connect with your son."

And I was like, "Okay, that's true,
but I will still want a hug in real life."

And he said,
"Well, you can work towards that."

That was not very nice of you.

I didn't think
they would come alive.

- What are you doing?
- Falling.

- Still? No.
- No, I fell to the ground.

It helped a lot.

He could tell me things that he normally
couldn't tell me in the game.

- But school said it all went okay?
- Yeah.

It was the first time in my life
that I could feel love

and start to understand love.

And that was one of those...

the heavens opened up
and everything was just,

"Oh!
This is what I have been waiting for."

I just have to say...

And then Ibelin told me that...

Sometimes you have to jump in,
no matter how scary it might seem.

I have a pet.

I call him Wolfie. I really like nature.

You've accomplished
your daily quest.

Five hundred points to you.

Give yourself some credit once in a while.

There are solutions
to most things.

From that time on,

you went actually to school,
each day, you walked to school.

Yeah. Every day.

I'll just mess it all up,
and you guys get to try to fix it!

I went from
the most negative person in the world

to a person that could tolerate people.

The word about Ibelin
started to spread around.

And to be honest,
I think the investigator job

was just a way for him
to get to know people.

I hope things will work out.

He was very,
very empathic, intuitive,

very good at knowing what you needed.

I'd been feeling worthless
for months, afraid to reach out to people.

I didn't really have anyone to talk to.

And suddenly he asked me...

"How are you doing?"

And I told him everything.
I told him how terrible I had felt.

Perhaps it does not seem like much,
but it meant the world to me.

I feel with you.

He actually did take an interest
into what you were talking about.

I don't think he ever
even realized how much it meant to me.

Everyone in Starlight was real
excited to have a meet-up in real life

and see each other for the first time.

I was very excited about it
and looking forward to meeting Ibelin...

and just getting to know him
off-screen as well,

and just having those conversations
face-to-face for a change

instead of just text.

I actually asked him,
"Are you also coming?"

"Because everyone else is coming."

But he said "no," that, uh,
he had, I think, different things to do.

And I was disappointed.

I got to travel to a country
by myself for the first time,

which I thought was fantastic.

I hadn't seen anyone.

So for me, it was all fresh faces
and no one that I recognized.

We were sad that Ibelin
could not come to Denmark himself.

So I wrote to tell him,

"We have voice chat going on.
Do you want to join?"

And the reply I got was "no,"
he doesn't want to join this voice chat.

So I pulled out my camera
and started taking pictures

so we could share that with Ibelin.

Hey, y'all!

Love has always been
a tricky subject for me.

It feels like it's just not meant for me.

And she did live in another country,

so part of me
knew nothing would ever happen.

Wheelchairs and all that
tend to make things difficult.

These dark thoughts
just tried to drag me down.

Making excuses.

Online, I can at least
do all the things I want.

My name is Ibelin.

Ibelin Redmoore.

I'm staying at The Poison Tip Dagger
at the moment.

You wouldn't believe how good it feels
to jump from one rooftop to another.

Well, things could quickly
take a bad turn.

That is awesome.

I was walking around
in Stormwind,

and then I noticed that Ibelin was nearby.

It was pretty devastating,

because I think I felt betrayed
that he just hadn't told me beforehand.

You know, I figure out
when I just come back into the game, um...

so I was very upset.

He didn't also quite understand
why I was upset with him for this.

I lost the spark,
I felt I was choking.

Right now, I feel better off on my own.

Unchained.

I'm not good at commitment.

I can't explain why, I just...

I just shake things off and move along,

like I've always done.

In World of Warcraft,
I've flirted and been with several women,

but it can never be the same.

I never told her about my feelings.

I remember thinking,

"If only I wasn't handicapped."

It was always my excuse.

Why was I born with this condition?

My body is starting to feel more and more
like a prison holding me back.

Using a computer has become
more difficult the last few years.

There's always one button I can't reach.

Of course, this button
has to be used at some point.

Help us!

Come on, please!

Are you going to stand there all day?

What is wrong with you?

You are worthless!

I'm Erica, by the way.

Thinks she'd be all safe up there.
No idea why someone would...

Agility is very important for a rogue.

Damn, what is wrong with you?

Ibelin, are you stupid?

I was never a big fan of him.

He's another firecracker
with a nasty temper.

I don't trust the bastard a second.

It's a challenge,
holding my tongue.

He's an old criminal, old suspect.

I haven't met
a more arrogant person in my life.

I never set out to be that guy,
yet here I am.

Ibelin, you need to leave it
and calm down.

You'll get in trouble
if you continue on talking like this.

Your words start to hurt other people.
You need to stop.

...trying to be a leader
of those who was there.

At least to fight for Starlight...

It's not fair!

Her anger, resentment.
She told me to fuck off a couple of times!

You lack much of the humanity

and compassion
a good leader must also have.

Maybe you get the job done,
but at what price?

I can't stand this anymore.

I felt hurt by it.

And I told him,
"Well, you actually hurt me."

"You don't care about Starlight?"

And he said, "Well, it's just stupid rules
in a stupid guild in a stupid game."

"I don't want to play
this stupid thing anymore."

And then
he actually logged off that night.

And I was like, "Oh, my God."

And I didn't
talk to him for a year.

His relationship drama came to the point
where it became a stressor.

He didn't have the proper means
to tackle it and navigate it well.

And it started to influence

which events he would go to,
which events the other would go to,

how people spoke about each other.

And people started taking sides.

Other members in the guild
started to take a distance away from him.

They didn't want the risk
of being involved in these conflicts.

And it pisses me off
to spend 20 minutes...

And you also had people
who were coming to us and saying,

"Hey, this is the third time
he's created a fight."

So I needed to talk to Ibelin.

So I wrote to Ibelin one day and asked,
"Would it be okay if I just came over?"

We're both living in Oslo,
it would just be a short bus drive.

And the reply I got was very, very sharp.

No, he don't want to have a visitor over.

Sometimes I think I can't breathe.

Could you hold this button?

Luckily,
there's always an assistant nearby

to soothe me when this happens.

I have 11 of them
working full-time with me.

One day, my chest
was making awful wheezing noises.

I had never experienced
anything like this.

I couldn't breathe,
and I started thrashing about in panic.

I remembered my mother's
cries of panic as I passed out

before I got to the ambulance.

For some reason,
everything was white and cold...

like the mountains of the Himalayas.

It might have been my mind
playing tricks on me,

but that was where I was.

I remember thinking,

"This is it."

"This is the end."

Finally, my eyes opened
in the emergency room.

This was one of the hardest things
I've been through,

even if I've been through a lot.

Death would have to wait.

Ibelin started to have
periods of time where he logged out,

and I didn't see him logging in
to the game again for a long time.

There was that kind of nagging feeling
something was wrong.

He would just say,
"I've been on a vacation."

I was like, "Hmm."

"There's something he's not telling me."

I remember asking him once,
"Have you been in prison? Or..."

He was like,
"No, I have been on a vacation."

And I was like,

"Did you go to the vacation
in the hospital?"

He didn't respond to me for five minutes.

Then he responded to me,
"Sorry, I just had to go to the loo."

And then I told him,

"Did you go to a vacation
in the hospital?"

"Oh, no, no, no, not the hospital,"

and I think there were ten no's after.

"No, no, no, no, no, not the hospital."

I wrote to him,
"Did I hit the nail there?"

The only thing he wrote was, "Good night."

I just had to get out of that city,
get away from it all.

Games are my sanctuary.

I am safe here, feel valued and respected.

Is my sanctuary threatened?

Should I not be able
to game anymore either?

Guess I'm trying to run away
from the one thing I can never escape.

Myself.

And then he said,
"I would like to tell you something."

"Well, I'm actually in a wheelchair.
I'm only able to move my fingers."

"I have Duchenne,
so I don't know when I'm going to die."

And he was like,
"I don't want you to pity me."

"You are the only one who know,

and you're the only one who should know,

because I do not want
anyone to know that I'm sick."

I told him, "Well, what is the fear?"

And he said,
"Well, I fear I don't matter."

"You have to keep in mind,

I'm here in my apartment,

"with my Duchenne."

"I'm really afraid of dying. I can't..."

"Go on and die
without having mattered to anyone."

I told him,

"I think you have made a big impact
on a lot of people's lives,"

and he said, "No."

And I was like,
"You have mattered to me and Mikkel."

I don't think I would have
such a great life as I have now

if it wasn't for him.

If it wasn't for him,

I wouldn't have such a strong relationship
as I have now with my mum,

and I probably wouldn't be drawing today
or go to school.

I think I would just be someone
who was just sitting in their room,

hating myself every day
because I couldn't understand

why I'm so different and everything.

So, yeah.

That hit a lot harder on me
than I thought it would.

I told him
how much he meant to us. Um...

And then he said,

"Well, that made me feel
really nice inside."

"I'm grateful for that."

And then I told him,
"Well, of course you matter to all of us."

Then I started to list a lot of names
that he had helped.

And then he just wrote back,

"This is too emotional for me."

And I was like, "Well, you need to be
emotional as well from time to time."

"Then you know
you have mattered to people."

"And I really wish
that you would tell others as well."

I still think of her.

Weird how it is with your first crush.

This blog is about my life
as a young, handicapped man in Norway.

I was born with a muscular disease
known as Duchenne muscular dystrophy.

It slowly reduces my muscles,
making me gradually weaker.

I could walk once,
but now I depend on a wheelchair.

There.

Good, we got that out of the way.

I am happy to share my story
and my musings of life with you.

And...
I was mostly shocked reading that.

His muscles are slowly giving out and
it meant that he was going to die soon.

There was something
very exciting about her,

her humour, the way she acted,

how she would express herself.

I remember thinking, "If only..."

"If only I wasn't handicapped."

I can very much understand that
you don't want to be judged differently,

or that people start treating
you differently once they find out,

and that can be a seriously legit fear.

But at the same time I confided a lot of
my own problems with him over the years,

and he never confided in me the same way,
which feels a bit...

a bit wrong.

It feels weird
to not be trusted the same way around.

And I was like,

"Okay, I'm not sure
how to respond to this."

And, um, "But you're still you,
so nothing changed there for me."

So apart from that,
nothing really changed for me, 'cause...

well, we just mainly
went back to just normal.

First, Mats wrote an apology
for hurting others in the community.

I'm an emotional man,
and I often follow my heart.

I am sorry.

Later, he also decided
to share the blog he had been writing on.

And reading that,
one of the things that hurt the most

was not being able to have been there
for him the way he had been there for us.

He was met with warmth.
He was met with respect.

And I think this gave him the support

and this feeling of safety
he needed to share even more.

A young man in his early 20s

got in touch
with the central office in Oslo.

He agreed
to participate in an information video

about specialized equipment.

The video was shown all over Norway

and used to show how specialized equipment

could aid people in a similar situation.

...to play on a computer.

The entire documentary
was done in secret from his parents,

and that fits with him perfectly.

When he has that determination,
when he has decided,

"Let's not be stopped or bothered
by something as inconsequential

as the parents
getting to know about this."

"It's much better to just get it done."

They left their email
in the blog post.

I couldn't really express

how...

you know, how to tell them what their son
meant to me over all these years,

so I didn't really write
a very extensive email.

I think I only wrote,
like, two paragraphs to them.

Um...

Just trying to tell them,

"Okay, your son was a fantastic person."

"And I'm really happy
to have known him, and, uh..."

It very, very much
sucked that he was gone.

"Dear Robert, Trude, and Mia."

"Mats was a real friend to me."

"Despite his challenges,

he still found the strength
to be there for us."

"What mattered to Mats was being able
to spread joy in our lives."

"And stuff I learned from his example
has changed the way I think about life,

and I hope that wherever he is, he knows

he's remembered, and treasured,
and smiling right now."

Mmm.

When we started
thinking about the gravestone,

what it should say,

we decided that it should be a nice,
somewhat youthful gravestone

that would say, "Mats Steen."

Dear Trude, Robert, and Mia.

I don't know if this is
too much to ask for,

but I wonder when the funeral is,

and if it would be possible
for five of Mats's friends to participate?

We come from Norway, Denmark,
Finland, England, and the Netherlands.

And we would also like
to bring with us our guild tabard.

I would like to share
one thing with you, Mats.

The biggest pain your mother and I
suffered through life

was that you, because of the illness
we brought you into this world with,

should not experience falling in love.

You should not experience friendship.

You should not experience
social relationships,

and joint activities with others.

You should not experience
contributing to society

and playing a meaningful role
in other people's lives.

This was by far...

...our biggest sorrow.

You proved us wrong.
You proved us so wrong.

And you proved yourself so resourceful.

But it has only been the last week
that we have really got close to realizing

the full impact
of the digital community in his life.

I have the last week calculated
that during your last ten years,

you have spent between
15 and 20 thousand hours

within this digital community.

Mats did fall in love.

Mats was at times
accused for being a womanizer.

And I must admit, being a father,
I'm a bit proud of that.

Mats was, throughout eight years
in the role playing world,

a major contributor and a co-author
of a fantastic community called Starlight,

where he got to experience love,

friendship,

and the feeling of making a difference
in other people's lives.

I met Mats in a place
where there is no limitations on his body,

where it does not matter
what you struggle with in your daily life,

the challenges you face.

In a place where he could choose
who we wanted to be.

And many years ago,
Mats choose to reach out to us

and start forming friendships
with us in Starlight.

Those chance encounters
became friendships,

and, ultimately,
it led to five of us being here today.

Mats had a very, very long reach.

And he helped others.

And this is the one thing that rings true

in every story
people have shared about him.

He was selfless and kind.

He was a person who listened,
who welcomed others, and included them.

What mattered to Mats
was being able to spread joy in our lives.

Despite his handicaps,
he found the strength to be there for us.

And the last thing he said to us...

through his family,

"Tell them that I love them,
and that they made my life different."

"Tell them all goodbye."

And, Mats,
thank you for making a difference.