Original subtitles

Every person has a past, be it good or bad.

It's the same with every city.

The story I'm about to tell

is about a certain city's past

a long, long time in the past.

The roads are uneven, the lights are dim,

and the tap water's mucky.

Damn this crazy tap!

Washing your hair so early, Shanghai Po?

Wash with what? This tap's gone crazy!

Fourth Sister!

Could you please bring over a bucket

and claim me a place in the queue?

Hey, Big Guy!

Been swimming so early in the morning?

Swimming my foot! I got soaked!

What are you standing here for?

Go deliver the clothes already!

Get the money and change it to HK dollars!

All right, I'm going!

Uncle Yeung, off to work so early?

How can I sleep with all the bugs in my bed?

True!

I still owe you for the cigarettes.

You got them cheap, Shanghai Man.

Morning!

This much will only buy 6 cigarettes today.

I'll pay the extra some other time.

It's okay. Prices rise daily. Not your fault.

- Morning Mrs. Han! - Morning!

Been working all night again?

Yes!

You better go upstairs quickly.

Mr. Han was coughing all night again.

Thank you!

College graduate!

Haven't you gone to bed yet?

No, I want to finish this for the paper.

Why aren't you asleep yet?

I bought some medicine. I'll fix it for you.

Good morning, Mrs. Han!

Morning!

Morning!

Mr. Han's an unemployed university graduate.

After classes, Mrs. Han works as a hostess.

What sort of world is this?

I reckon you're no better!

- Quick! Go line up for water! - Okay.

Here's something for you to play with.

Off to work so early, Brother Fook?

That's right, Uncle Chan.

The sooner it's sold, the sooner I'm home.

The later I go to Boss Chin's

to exchange this cash,

the fewer HK dollars it's worth!

- Ah Fook! - What is it?

Go see if the cheongsam's dry yet.

Yes, almighty wife!

How's Little Fook?

He still seems to have a slight temperature.

I'll take him to the doctor when I'm back.

Morning!

Morning!

- Shanghai Po. - Ah Heung, you're back.

I could have bought two bars yesterday

for the same price as one today!

How will I ever get through times like these?

Shanghai Po, is there water yet?

It's coming. Damn crazy tap!

I'll go get a bucket and queue up.

You better hurry.

- Shanghai Po. - Good morning!

Good morning, Dr. Kim.

Could you iron my trousers please?

Really, Dr. Kim?

Your first house call since moving here!

Can't be helped. Moving here from Shantung,

I don't know anyone around here.

Besides, even a doctor needs luck.

This time, Dr. Kim, you should charge more.

No, I couldn't. A doctor must have ethics.

In Shantung, I never charged the poor.

In that case, I'll register with you!

But a poor people like me

would rather die than be sick.

So, I'd better go iron your trousers.

- Thank you. - Don't mention it.

Oh, wifey!

Look. The rats have eaten up the paste again.

What are we going to do?

Borrow some flour from Wo Kee to make more.

We can't. We still owe them from last time.

We'll give it all back tomorrow.

How can I work without glue?

- Fourth sister. - Morning!

Do you have any flour?

Just ran out. But dad's gone to buy some.

Mrs. Chan, the rats got at the paste again?

Yes!

How come there's only half a bag of flour?

Don't you know, the price went up again.

The price of a whole bag yesterday

could only buy half a bag today!

How are we going to stay in business?

We can do the same.

We can always make our fritters thinner.

They're already thin as chopsticks now.

Any thinner and they'll be toothpicks!

Mrs. Chan, didn't you say you need some flour?

No, I don't need it anymore.

Come on,

How can a tailor work without paste?

No, no.

The water's coming! The water's coming!

Fourth Sister!

Please get a bucket and fetch me some!

Come on.

Ah Heung, could you let me go first?

Sure.

You need it right away. You go ahead.

Many thanks!

Turn it off downstairs! Is this a rebellion?

You know very well I need to wash my face!

And yet you turn on the tap full blast!

How are we to know you just got up?

Anyway, we haven't drawn our fill yet.

Giving me grief first thing in the morning!

Damn it! I'll come down and show you.

Ma's coming down. What shall I do?

So what? It's got nothing to do with you.

I...

What are you so afraid of her for?

You're not allowed to use it, damn it!

How long do I have to wait to wash my face?

That's not fair, Pat Koo.

You're being unreasonable.

Didn't you install a personal water pipe?

That's right!

What do you mean "personal"?

With you turning on the tap full blast,

how can any water get up there?

Ma, can't you see I'm already queuing?

Shut up! I told you last night to come early.

How come you're second in the queue?

Don't hit her. Ah Heung let me go first.

You let someone else go first!

When you know I need water for washing!

You stupid girl!

We still have a big bucket upstairs.

It's none of your business!

Stupid girl! I'll fix you later!

Get the hell back upstairs!

Damn it!

What are you cursing about?

It's my water. If I like, I can even sell it.

Right, you better sell it then!

Damn the whole lot of you! Now listen!

I'm making a new rule.

From tomorrow, no one gets water

until after I've finished using it.

That's not right!

We all pay a share of the water bill.

That's right!

You dare bring that up? Let me ask you:

How much water do you use for your share?

Don't you remember now?

Didn't we agree on the matter?

I wash and iron your clothes for free

in return for using so much water.

If it's all the same to you, fine!

I don't need you to wash and iron from now on.

Fine!

Now listen, all of you!

From now on, the rule is each household

can only have one tub of water a day.

No way!

Damn that bloody bitch!

Ah Fook!

I'll be right back.

Why don't you mind your own business?

You're deliberately targeting me!

We run a laundry!

How can a tub of water a day be enough?

Don't worry, Shanghai Po,

I, Olive Vendor Fook, am on your side.

Big talk, little man.

What good are you going to do her?

I can spare you half of my daily water.

Right, right.

What's this, a rebellion? A rebellion?

See? There's nothing to fear.

There are 72 tenants here.

That's 36 buckets of water a day.

Enough even for a restaurant! - Thank you!

Hear that, Pat Koo?

You'll have to wash your own clothes now!

We'll continue lining up for water,

and I'll go iron Dr. Kim's pants.

When my tub's full, please turn it off.

Fat pig!

Pat Koo, let me tell you,

one should never push people too far.

You'll get your comeuppance

if you try to hog the water for yourself.

Ah Fook, come back here.

Have some congee and get to work.

Eighth Aunt, I'm having congee. See you!

Come here, Shanghai Po!

What do you want? I'm ironing!

What are you trying to do?

I'm known as the battleaxe around here,

and you dare pick a fight with me?

You picked the fight yourself.

Now you can wash and iron your own clothes.

Iron...iron...iron...oh no!

Oh no! These are Dr. Kim's trousers!

They're the only pair he has!

And he has a house call to make!

They're ruined! What do I do now?

Congratulations, Shanghai Po!

As you sow, so shall you reap!

See how nicely you've ironed

Dr. Kim's trousers!

Shanghai Po! Shanghai Po!

Are my trousers ready?

I...

Ironed crisply, all ironed to a crisp.

What do you mean, ironed to a crisp?

Smells good, too.

Shanghai Po, I'll pay you later.

Dr. Kim, look at your leg.

Shanghai Po! What have you done?

This is my only pair of trousers!

My first house call, and I have no trousers!

Dr. Kim, it's not really my fault!

It's all because of that bitch!

Picking a quarrel while I was ironing!

Picking a quarrel while I was ironing!

You burned his pants. Don't blame me!

That's not right!

We all saw it.

You dragged her out. Don't deny it!

What business is it of yours?

That's right, I did call her out,

I didn't tell her to burn the pants!

But I can say a fair word too:

If you want compensation,

there's no way this pauper can pay up.

So it's just hard luck to Dr. Kim!

So it's just hard luck to Dr. Kim!

Pat Koo, what a thing to say!

Actually, you should pay for the trousers.

What?

Yes, you should pay.

Shut up!

What's this, a rebellion?

You bunch of bastards!

Making so much noise in the morning!

What's going on?

This Shanghainese woman

wants me to pay for trousers she burnt!

What sort of reasoning is that?

You burn someone's pants, and I should pay?

Pay on what basis?

I wasn't the one who burned the pants,

and even if I was,

I wouldn't pay if I don't feel like it!

How unreasonable can you get?

Shantung Man,

if you don't want your pants burnt,

you should iron them yourself!

It's an accident, an act of God,

what more is there to be said?

But these are the only trousers I have!

And I still have a house call to make!

Well, it's no use crying over split milk.

I tell you, you should count yourself lucky.

If they'd been stolen instead,

you wouldn't have anything left!

See? Isn't that fine?

You can turn them into a pair of shorts.

Just like the Boy Scouts. Marvelous!

Shorts are ideal for this hot weather.

Oh no. My son only has one pair of pants.

Are these mine?

Look...there's my name, Kim!

Like I said, when a man's unlucky,

even his trousers will lose a leg.

You can't blame anyone else

He's got more bad luck coming.

How true!

Chow Bing-Ken. Oh no! Brother Bing!

Do you know this is yours?

Ah Bing! This was made 2 days ago!

Shanghai Po, stay where you are!

I'll sue you! You'll pay me back!

You'll bloody well pay me back!

Ah Bing, if you don't want your pants burnt,

you should iron them yourself!

It's an accident, an act of God,

why should anyone pay?

Count yourself lucky they weren't stolen,

otherwise you'd have nothing left!

But now you can turn them into shorts,

just like the Boy Scouts. Cool too!

Excuse me, I must go make my house call.

Why give the pants to that damn woman?

I didn't!

I told Ah Heung to iron it!

- Ah Heung! - Coming!

What is it, ma?

Who told you to give the pants to her?

You did!

You said Shanghai Po does it for free,

and only a fool wouldn't take advantage.

God damn it! Stupid girl, I'll kill you!

Hold it! Don't hit her!

What's the matter with you?

He tells you to stop and you stop.

Why are you so obedient?

Standing there like a zombie!

Who are you, you damned kid?

Who am I? Listen well.

I live at No. 96 on this street,

next to Shanghai Po, below the landlady,

to the left of the communal staircase,

in the Chiu Chow cigarette vendor's room,

on the bunk you fixed halfway up the ceiling.

I'm Fat Chai, the cobbler,

one of the 72 tenants here as well.

Why haven't I seen this guy before?

He only moved in a few days ago.

No wonder.

Do you know who I am, kid?

No.

Then, let me tell you.

I'm the husband of the landlady, Pat Koo.

Everyone around here,

from 80 year-old codgers to tiny tots of 3,

east to Tungshan, west to West Village,

south to Henan, north to the train station,

everyone knows me, Master Bing!

Everyone except me.

God damned kid!

How I treat my daughter's not your business!

Of course it's my business!

I must defend the weak against the strong!

What?

Defend the weak against the strong?

Do you know what Ah Heung is?

She's a woman.

And what are you?

A man!

You're her man?

You bloody kid, poking your nose in!

Let me get this straight!

Let's be clear about this, you bloody kid!

What are you saying?

That Ah Heung's your woman

and you're her man?

Why ask? You all heard clearly.

Let me ask you. Am I a man or a woman?

A man of course!

Is Ah Heung a man or a woman?

Of course she's a woman!

Then isn't it settled? Just now I said

that I'm a man and Ah Heung's a woman.

And you say I got it wrong. Idiot!

You son of a bitch, I'll kill you!

Stop it!

I'll use my Iron Palm on him!

Don't fight!

Don't fight! Forget it!

Help him!

Not afraid of Iron Palm? Try my Tai-Chi!

You're crazy!

Get up! Get up!

Don't fight!

Damned kid! You wait and see!

I haven't used all my kung fu yet!

Try my Monkey Fist!

Forget it! Stop fighting!

- Stop fighting! - Forget about them.

Forget about them.

Forget this bunch of penniless beggars.

I'm telling you, I'm not demeaning myself

by crossing swords with you peasants!

What? What?

Let's go! Go!

- Go! - All right.

Just you wait, you damned kid!

You won't be so lucky the next time!

Where are you going?

Are you all right?

He didn't touch me.

Are you all right?

Yes, thanks to you.

Hey, don't go! I lost a piece of fabric.

None of your business. Go!

How can I?

Who knows if it's for real or not?

Damn it!

Ah Bing!

Wife, we lost a piece of fabric.

How did that happen?

It vanished during the fight.

What do we do?

Have you lost it for real?

Or are you just making it up?

Of course it's for real!

The fabric looks exactly like this one.

It's for making two cheongsams

for Fourth Aunt's pair of twins.

Say no more. Everybody stay where you are.

I'm searching you one by one.

Whoever the fabric's found on

will have to compensate us all

for everything we ever lost.

And if the loot turns up,

let him roast a pig to thank the gods

and hold a banquet for all the tenants.

Forget it! Forget it!

You can forget it, but I can't.

I've lost too much already.

If I find the thief,

he will have to compensate me!

Don't talk nonsense.

Let me ask you, what have you lost?

Too much!

A gold watch, two 3-catty gold chains...

3 catties? That would break your neck!

What business is it of yours?

Also 4 suits, 5 cheongsams,

6 pairs of shoes, 7 hats,

8 antique tables, 9 bed sheets, 10 gold rings,

1 sofa, and 5 chests of drawers.

That's no theft, it's moving house!

Shut up! It's none of your business.

Whoever's lost anything, speak up now.

It's no use speaking up after we find it.

Speak up, speak up.

Ah Bing, stay out of it.

Let's go home.

It's a good way to make money

If I find the fabric on that damned kid,

I can afford everything plus my coffin!

Just name a few things you've lost.

That's right, Pat Koo lost some things too.

What did you lose?

- Nothing. - Nothing?

Co...coal, 5 buckets of coal

Upon my life!

What else?

Five gold rings.

- You bastard. - Ah Fook.

Ah Bing,

I don't think you'll find anything.

Let's go home.

What makes you think we won't find anything?

Listen everyone.

The fabric is exactly this color.

I'll conduct the search.

You look suspicious. You first. - Hold it!

You search me, who searches you?

Nobody. Do I look like a thief?

You think you'll find the fabric on me?

You're crazy!

Who can tell if you're a thief or not?

If there's a search, we all do it!

Okay, let's all search!

But if nothing turns up, you'll be sorry.

Let's search!

What are you doing?

I'm searching him.

Ah Ping, what are you talking with them for?

You'd never steal. Let's go.

Away! I'm a man of my word.

I'm no thief. I have nothing to fear.

Yes, search!

Search! Search!

You go search!

I'll search myself! There's nothing.

Nothing.

Won't be anything here.

So he's the thief!

Thank the gods! Hold a banquet!

You brought this on yourself.

Old Chan, you framed me!

You slipped it into my pocket!

Ah Fook!

You framed me, didn't you?

I tell you it's not me!

You still deny it?

Master Bing, don't accuse an innocent person!

Ah Fook.

During the fight just now,

I saw someone slip it into your pocket,

but it wasn't Uncle Chan.

You saw someone put it in my pocket?

Ah Fook, didn't I always say you were smart?

You're a decent person.

Did you all hear what he said?

Someone saw him slip the fabric

into my pocket.

Ah Fook, tell me which son of a bitch

planted the fabric in my pocket?

I'll wring his neck and bash his head!

I'll strangle him alive!

Brother Fook,

I cut your electricity a few days ago,

It must be such an inconvenience.

I'll reconnect it first thing tomorrow.

How kind!

Of course, you get my meaning.

Of course I get it.

Brother Bing, I can't tell now who it was.

What do you mean, you can't tell?

How would I know whose neck to break?

You want me to tell?

Don't! Don't tell him it's me!

And you don't want me to tell?

That's not right, Brother Fook.

If you know, you should speak up,

so the rest of us are in the clear.

That's right!

I suppose I'd better tell.

It's her!

Olive Peddler, you're deliberately doing this!

Okay! I'll have Constable 369 sort you out!

Rice noodles with roast goose,

a big bowl of it,

and a bottle, in the alley.

Salute!

What are you doing? It's me!

Master Bing, don't scare me!

You could scare someone to death!

I have to hide in order to eat.

How's this? It's free.

Free? In that case I'll have some.

Excellent!

The same again.

Something you need help with, Master Bing?

If it's serious, I don't want to know!

Understood. 369, tomorrow I want you

to sort out that olive peddler for me.

You want a packet.

Thanks.

Give me two.

Upstairs.

- Money's inside. - Thanks.

You want some?

Come.

Me too, Brother Fook. I'll have 3 packets.

How many?

Three packets!

- Thanks! - Thanks you!

Brother Fook!

Come, come!

You want some too?

Mister, come ride in my sampan.

Hey Boss, you want a ride?

Hey, Fourth!

What is it, Fifteenth?

Your rice shop sugar daddy's coming.

Fourth.

How come you're so early, Boss Ching?

I dare not be late! Any later,

and someone else might have hired your boat.

Don't. You really annoyed me last night.

- What? - The boat money you gave me.

I changed it today, and it's only worth half.

Relax.

I'm not paying you with money today.

Then what are you paying me with?

100 catties of rice.

Good idea! Come on in, hot shot.

- You're the one who's hot! - Disgusting!

Come.

- Fifteenth! - What is it?

Take this cash and change it to HK dollars.

There's 400 grand here: 4 bucks, exactly!

What? Are you sure?

That guy was paying 1 dollar to 90 grand.

Now I'm giving you 100 grand cash to a buck.

Here's 10 thousand exactly.

That's how it is.

You scrape a bit from left and right.

How else do you make money?

But uncle,

my dad used to say you were blood brothers.

Let me tell you, even if it's my own father,

I'd be scraping all the same!

There's no use getting upset over this.

I tell you, when it comes to money,

not even fathers and sons make a difference.

Four dollars!

Thief! Thief!

Constable, there's a thief! He's run off!

Thief? Where?

- There! - There? Okay!

No! He went that way!

Are you crazy or what?

Do I look like I chase thieves?

You don't?

- You! Olive peddler! Halt! - 369

369, I heard someone shout "thief".

Why aren't you chasing the thief?

And risk my life? I didn't hear it. You go.

How pathetic!

Miss, which way did the thief go?

- He went that way. - Thanks!

This one's not bad.

Seems there're two kinds of policemen!

Are you Fook, the olive peddler?

Yes, I am.

Inside. Move!

What's the matter, brother?

License check.

Where would a mobile small business like mine

get any sort of license?

Every kind of business needs a license.

Why didn't you apply for one?

Applying for a license is worse than begging.

Your colleagues work slower than snails!

Says who? You try dodging taxes,

then you'd know how fast they work.

You're coming with me to the station.

Wait! Let's talk this over.

Okay, let's talk.

What's this? I'm not a palm reader

It isn't palm reading, it's 5 pecks of rice.

5 pecks? You're giving it to me?

Well? Do you have it or not?

Of course not!

How about this?

A summer discount: 3 pecks!

I don't have that much either.

You don't?

Then this is what we'll do.

You can give me 3 HK dollars.

3 HK dollars! You must be kidding!

I didn't know you worse off than me!

All right, let's settle it for a dollar.

That's robbery!

It's hard-earned money!

I've a wife and a kid to support!

Quit complaining!

Money's meant to be shared.

Pay up, or I lock you up.

Damn it! This is outright robbery!

Brother Fook.

What's the matter?

You're back!

Your son's very ill!

Go see him, quick!

Ah Fook, Little Fook has a high fever.

Dr. Kim says it's acute pneumonia!

He said we must take him to the hospital.

He's gone to make the arrangements.

Where's my wife? - Gone to borrow money.

Don't move. Don't move.

Don't move. Don't move.

The real McCoy, 3 HK dollars!

Bring more next time.

Go!

Thief!

Those God damned thugs!

Stealing people's medical fees!

It's the economy. People turn to crime.

Uncle Chan, what shall we do?

Did you manage to borrow money?

I asked. The hospital fee is $3.

Three dollars!

Dr. Kim, she's just been robbed!

He'll die if he doesn't go to the hospital!

Ma...

Son, you know we don't have money.

Why did you have to fall sick?

It's such an unlucky coincidence!

I spent all my money on soap.

Me too. I spent mine on flour.

Otherwise...

Ma...

Brother Fook, here's a dollar.

Take it. I'm not buying a blanket.

You take it first.

We're still a dollar short. Who has it?

Ah Fook, this dollar is my wife's dowry.

I was keeping it for my daughter,

but she was killed in the war.

I've no use for it now.

Use it for your son's treatment.

Thank you, Uncle Chan.

All right, all right, no more words.

Let's get him to the hospital.

I'm coming. Come on. Good boy.

Careful.

Quick, quick!

Hurry up!

Nowadays, you can't get sick if you're poor.

How true! I'll see if the congee's ready.

We should go wash some clothes.

Fat Chai, why is your jacket torn?

It must have got ripped just now

in all the commotion.

My mum's not back yet. Take it off

and I'll mend it for you.

Thank you.

- Give it to me. - Thank you!

I've only been here a few days

but I see your mother beat you all the time.

Why is she so cruel?

I'm not her real daughter.

She bought me when I was 9 years old.

No wonder!

I'm a bit like you.

I also lost my parents when I was little.

Fat Chai,

have you studied a lot?

Who has the money to go to school?

I started mending shoes when I was 12.

Then how come you're so capable?

Capable? How so?

Like when you opposed Master Bing,

and the way you help your neighbors.

I don't know how to say it,

but well, you're just too good.

There's nothing on it, really.

As long as a man walks a straight path

and doesn't mind taking a few knocks,

he can't go wrong. Is that capable?

No. You can mend clothes and I can't,

so you're more capable than I am!

I'm not talking to you anymore.

Fat Chai! Fat Chai!

I'm up here!

What are you doing up there?

Ah Heung's mending my jacket.

- All done. - Thank you!

Come have some congee.

Ah Heung, you're here too. Good.

I know you can't eat until Pat Koo's back,

so you must be very hungry.

Here, have some congee first.

No thanks. You two have it.

We'll just each have a little less.

Ah Heung! Ah Heung! What rotten luck!

I lost 16 games in 8 rounds of mahjong.

- Ah Heung, open the door. - Coming!

Pour me some tea.

Ma.

Look at your damned face!

It makes me angry just looking at you.

It's all your fault!

Making me lose 16 games in 8 rounds!

What are you standing there for?

You know very well I've been playing mahjong.

Give a massage already!

Put a little strength into it.

Haven't you eaten?

No, I haven't.

Wasn't there half a bowl of leftovers?

Half a bowl wasn't filing enough.

Damn you!

Have you gone crazy?

You want to eat me out of house and home?

Can you keep quiet upstairs?

If you want peace and quiet,

there's a perfect place for it:

Why don't you go live in a mortuary?

You're making dust fall. We're having congee!

You're having congee? So what?

It's not as if you're having a full banquet!

- Answer me! - Bitch!

What makes you think you can pick on me?

I just happen to like it noisy.

Fat Chai, what are you doing?

What are you doing?

You want to tear the house down?

Fat Chai!

Let me be, Uncle Yeung.

Help! Someone's tearing down the house!

You damned kid!

Fat Chai!

You think I'm scared of you?

You think I'm scared, is that it?

Fat Chai!

What are you going to do?

Why are you hitting people?

Uncle Yeung, hand me a knife.

I'll cut me some pig's trotters!

Fat Chai!

You dare insult me!

Sorry, sorry!

You damned kid, I'll show you!

Let's see what she'll do.

What's all this racket?

You've come back just in time.

That bloody kid tried to tear the house down.

Smashed up the floorboards.

Where?

Right here.

It hurts! Just now that bastard

made me so mad I couldn't breathe.

Now my chest hurts! Oh, the agony!

Don't be so angry.

Just leave it to me.

Go next door and have a smoke.

Calm yourself down, my dear.

You're right.

Get me the purse, you damned girl!

Hurry up! Hurry up!

- Hurry up! Hurry up! - Yes, Ma.

Poor thing.

Wait for me, you sex fiend!

Yes, Your Majesty.

Don't I wait for you every night?

How can I sleep without you?

Wait for me.

Watch your step. Go slow.

What are you doing, Uncle Bing?

What does it matter?

Just let me give you a little kiss.

Uncle, don't come any closer! No!

What's the big deal?

Actually I think of you every night,

but what can I do with the missus around?

Look at you, so young and fresh;

how can that old trout compare with you?

Come. Give me a kiss.

No! Leave me alone!

What's the big deal?

No! Uncle, don't come any closer

No! No!

What is it!

Uncle Bing, don't come any closer!

If you do, I'll scream!

No, don't!

Help!

Fire, fire!

Fire! Put out the fire!

Call the fire brigade!

Fire! Fire!

Ah Heung, are you all right? - Yes, I'm Okay.

Fire! Fire!

Uncle Hu! Uncle Hu!

Fire! Put out the fire!

Put out the fire!

What's the matter?

Fire!

- Where's your bell? - I lost it.

Run!

Fire! Help put out the fire!

Help put out the fire!

Fat Chai, where's the fire?

I don't know. I was working,

then I heard Ah Heung cry for help,

so I thought there was a fire.

Damned kid! Where the hell's the fire?

If there's no fire, why did she cry for help?

Ah Hsiang, you tell me.

I...

Don't be afraid. There's so many people here.

I'm warning you, Ah Heung,

if you dare say a word,

I'll have your Ma beat you to death.

I...didn't...

You wouldn't dare.

Come home with me.

All right, show's over, break it up.

The firemen are here.

Make way! Make way!

Move back! Move back!

Fire! Move back!

Follow me! Follow me!

Right over here. Follow me!

Here's No. 96!

Come on.

Wait. You keep watch out here.

Go!

Who's the landlord?

That's me, that's me.

So it's you, Big Mole.

- What's going on? - Listen.

Can we turn the tap on now?

Wait. We're still negotiating.

Listen.

Cash equals splash, no cash no splash.

You pay we spray, no pay no stay.

Sorry, could you explain that again please?

What a nuisance. Listen carefully.

Listen.

Cash equals splash, no cash no splash.

You pay we spray, no pay no stay.

You're asking for money?

Of course, no money, no talk.

You'd better make up your mind quickly.

The pipe might get blocked any minute.

Brothers, you've made a mistake.

There's no fire here!

No fire?

- Preposterous! - You said it.

Are you having us on?

Why call us if there's no fire?

Who made the call?

I did, but he's the one who yelled "fire".

This is a serious transgression.

Quick, quick.

Name and profession?

My name's Fat Chai. I'm a cobbler.

A cobbler?

Cheng, cobblers don't have money.

I know. Big mole, come here.

According to our new regulations,

the one who yells fire gets off,

but whoever calls it in is responsible.

Also, once we're at the scene,

we must hose the house and demolish it.

Demolish the house?

In case a stove or something turns over

and causes a real fire.

Right. Level the house!

No, don't!

Let's talk this over.

Thus speaketh the beauty, lads.

Big Mole, you know the score.

You name a price.

At the very least, one gold bar.

What? One gold bar?

For this dilapidated house?

A dilapidated house is dangerous.

- Level it. - No!

These guys are hard to handle.

I think you had better pay them off.

What should we do?

What's this?

Why are you taking my bracelet?

Treat yourself to a drink.

This is genuine, is it not?

Real gold?

Of course!

We need more than that.

Come on, give me a bit of face.

All right. This is yours.

- Great. - This is mine.

You're a pal.

Big Mole, which flat is yours?

The nicest one, up there.

That one up there.

Come up and have some tea.

In a while, lads. The nicest one up there.

Understood?

Level the nicest one, lads.

Yes sir!

No! No!

I'll give you everything! Everything!

Ah Bing, you still have a pocket watch.

Give them everything!

There's nothing,

there's really nothing.

What are you doing?

There's not enough to go round so many of us.

Are you finished in there?

We got the money. Let's go.

Remember, if ever you have a real fire,

be sure to call us.

Bye!

You god damn bastards!

They're no better than robbers.

Come on, place your bets.

Open!

Brother Shum, we've just changed shifts.

Off work so soon?

Yes, it is a bit soon.

This is your street.

I'm not here often.

Wait for me here.

Place your bets.

Brother Chung, 369 is over there.

Damn! Give him some money.

Fatso, hand me my jacket.

I'm leaving you in charge.

Don't worry, leave it to me.

Place your bets!

Opening up!

Place your bets!

Hands off the table!

369 -Is that all?

Yes, business is bad tonight.

Bad?

It was 1 and 2 just now. Try 3!

Not 3. I'll bet on 4.

Ah Chu, I'm betting on 4.

Very well, kid.

369. Your betting on 4.

There it is. Three!

369, I've been looking for you all day!

Where have you been?

What's the matter, Brother Bing?

I'm telling you,

I lost a lot of gold bars last night.

Who'd dare steal from you?

I'll tell you the details later.

Listen, go to To Shun Street tomorrow,

Look for no. 96, Chan Yuen.

Chan Yuen? I've never been there.

That's why you need to look for it.

Remember. Once you're there,

arrest Fat Chai, the cobbler.

One, two, three.

One, two, three.

One, two.

One, two, one two.

Fourth sister, let's go buy some rice.

I'll go get the money.

Fat Chai, is there anything you need?

Nothing, thanks, Mrs. Fook.

Okay. Let's go

See you later, Fat Chai.

- Bye! - Bye!

Fat Chai! I'm really in trouble this time!

What's wrong?

Ma found out what happened

with Uncle Bing on the night of the fire.

And now they want to sell me

to a travel agency to be a tour guide.

What?

How can they send you to such a place?

That's just like becoming a prostitute!

Fat Chai, you must help me this time!

What shall I do now?

Let's do this. Go straight to the police station

and say they're forcing you into prostitution.

No. 96, Chan Yuen. This is it.

Perfect! Here comes a policeman.

Pal, is there someone here called...

Mr. Policeman,

this young lady needs to talk to you.

Such a pretty young lady wants to talk to me?

What's the matter? You're crying?

Tell me what the matter is.

I...- Well?

I know. It's you, isn't it?

You humped her and dumped her, right?

Shut your big mouth!

My big mouth?

I knew you were no good the moment I saw you.

Don't be afraid, young lady.

Whatever it is, you can tell me.

Once a doctor proves you've been deflowered,

I'll arrest him immediately!

Don't jump to crazy conclusions!

It's got nothing to do with me.

Nothing to do with you?

So who did it? Me?

It's her mother...

Now you're trying to blame her mother?

Why drag her mother into this?

What did her mother ever do to you?

What I'm trying to say is,

her mother's forcing her into "business".

What's wrong with that?

Think about it, young lady.

Going into business means making money.

Don't you want money? How old are you?

19.

19. You're not a kid anymore!

I started doing business when I was 16.

Do you know what kind of business?

What kind of business?

To be a so-called "tour guide".

Tour guide? That's being a prostitute!

Isn't that so!

A 19-year-old prostitute's a bit young.

You said you started yourself at 16.

I didn't mean that kind of business!

What business was it?

I made matchboxes at home.

What mother forces her kid to be a whore?

Where's her mother?

She's not her real mother.

She bought her.

No wonder! That makes her guilty.

You can charge her.

Fat Chai, is that true?

Tell me where I can arrest her.

Ah Heung, you don't have to be scared now.

I never thought there'd be such a good man

among the ranks of you policemen.

From the moment you saw me

you should have known 369 is a great guy.

Those deaf, mute and blind people

all think I'm Justice incarnate!

All right, no more chit-chat.

- Go arrest her mother. - Righto.

Hold it. I didn't come here for this.

Hold it. I didn't come here for this.

What did I come here for?

Did you come to arrest someone?

That's right, to arrest someone.

Arrest who?

Arrest who? Who am I arresting?

Ah Heung! So there you are, you damned girl!

That's her mother!

Got it. Listen, you.

You old witch!

You're selling your daughter to an agency.

That's forcing her into prostitution.

That's a criminal offence. Come with me.

I bought her when she was a child.

I spent a lot of money raising her.

So now I'm selling her on to someone else.

What's so wrong with that?

What a bitch! If you want money,

why don't you go sell yourself?

Look at you!

What a crooked-looking face!

I knew you were no good the moment I saw you.

Look at how nice we look, how natural.

If you look closely,

you'll see that all three of us

are regular, authentic good people!

Seen enough?

Come with me to the station!

You idiot! What're you standing there for?

Master Bing, what a coincidence!

I...

I've discovered a way to make money.

What way?

Someone's forcing girls into prostitution.

Then you must put the squeeze on her.

Of course! I know what to do.

Where's this no-good bitch?

You god damned bastard!

Are you blind? That's my wife!

Master Bing, what a kidder you are!

I know who your wife is. Fat Woman Sei!

Go to hell!

Ah Bing, who's Fat Woman Sei?

Nothing. You idiot, say hello to my wife!

This one's your wife too?

What?

Nothing, nothing.

Greet her, quick.

Ma'am.

You stupid fool!

I told you to arrest Fat Chai!

What are you doing arresting my wife?

That's right. I came to arrest the cobbler.

Where's Fat Chai?

That's him right there.

That's him.

That's him?

Listen, I'm going up.

- You sort things out here. - Okay!

Come with me, you damned girl!

Arrest her! Quick, arrest her!

You're under arrest.

Ah Bing, the truth. Who's Fat Woman Sei?

What are you doing?

Why are you arresting me for no reason?

For no reason?

You're the reason I came in the first place!

As soon as I stepped through the door,

I knew you were no good.

That's not right.

Didn't you say I was a good guy just now?

That was then, this is now.

There were lots of rich people last year too

who've all gone bankrupt this year!

Age? Speak!

What's going on?

It's the draft!

What's your age? Quick!

Twenty-four.

Excellent. You're drafted.

What? Just on account of my age?

Any able-bodied male between 18 and 24

is eligible for the draft.

Come with me to the station.

Hey, hands off!

Let's discuss this.

The moment I laid eyes on you

I knew you were a smart person.

You want to discuss things, right?

What do you mean?

Standard price. Five pecks of rice.

Have you gone mad?

Summer discount. Three pecks.

You're giving it to me?

Let's say...

you give me 3 HK dollars.

I don't have it either. Just take my life!

What a stubborn kid you are!

Just give me a dollar then.

Up yours! I don't have it.

Very well then.

What're you doing? This is robbery!

It's just a token fine.

What token fine? It's daylight robbery!

I'm a cop, I don't have to rob. Idiot!

What's wrong, Fat Chai?

Dr. Kim, he's robbing me!

He's a cop, how can he be robbing you?

He's worse than a common thief!

What are you saying?

- Are you a doctor? - Yes.

What do you specialize in?

Gynecology, surgery, dentistry...

Dentistry? Great! I've got a rotten tooth.

Take it out for me, will you?

I don't know how to pull teeth!

What kind of dentist doesn't pull teeth?

Is it because of my uniform?

You think I won't pay. Is that it?

That's the first true thing you said all day.

Shut up.

You're asking for it, you old fool.

How old are you?

Fifty. Why?

18 to 40. Have you got a license?

I just arrived from Shantung.

Where would I get a license from?

Why didn't you apply for one?

I was intending to,

but they need guarantees, certificates,

connections, and dozens of forms filled.

At the licensing department alone

I got told off God knows how many times!

You brought it on yourself.

You should know how officialdom operates.

Okay, no more talk. Let's go!

No license? Back to the station with me!

Please, could you do me a favor this once?

You old fool.

I told you you were asking for it.

You want me to let you go? Sure.

Pull my tooth for me.

Okay, I'll do it. But I need some tools.

At the very least, a pair of pincers.

Pincers?

You're stealing again?

Wait a minute.

I'm just borrowing your stuff for a moment.

You think I'd steal your money?

You're crazy!

You are the one who's crazy!

Brother, do me a favor.

The heel's come loose. Fix it, would you?

Where's the money?

Come on, we're brothers!

Who's your brother?

It's called assisting the police. Fix it!

Crazy fool!

There, pincers.

They're too big. How can I use it?

Why not?

Do you want me to arrest you?

Okay, okay. Sit down.

What are you doing?

I haven't got the strength.

Bend a little.

Which one?

Down there.

Your breath really stinks!

Don't you brush your teeth?

Which one?

This one...

Which one is it?

This one...

Have you pulled it yet, old fool?

I've pulled it. Look, here it is.

You idiot! You pulled the wrong one!

It's the one below. You pulled the one on top!

The rotten one's still there!

You got yourself a bargain, 369!

You like bargains, don't you?

Buy one, get one free!

That's right, it's free anyway.

One tooth or two, it doesn't matter.

Why don't you have them all pulled?

I've fixed your shoe. How's that?

Leave it here.

Come on, Dr. Kim.

I've got no strength left.

- Give me a hand, Fat Chai. - Sure.

You want to kill me? What are you,

a bandit or something?

Hold tight here.

Gold, Silver, Violet!

Come quickly and greet our guests!

Coming!

Coming!

Hurry up!

They've been waiting a long time.

Sir, the girls are here.

Come in quickly.

Sir, if you want anyone else, just say so.

That's all right. Maybe I'll have you later.

You rotter! Go on.

- Boss lady! - Coming.

What's the matter? Out with it quick.

369 is here.

369, have you been poisoned?

Nail!

You have a wart?

What's the matter? Be quick with it.

Nail your ass!

This is a coffin nail!

Where's your boss?

He's chatting with Pat Koo.

What did you say?

Our run-down house is worth 8 bars?

But we want vacant possession.

We'll have to renovate the place.

Ah Bing, did you hear that?

Our old house is worth 8 gold bars?

I heard you. You think I'm deaf?

How come you have so many travel agencies,

Brother Feng? It's as if by imperial decree!

It's not imperial decree.

Her godfather's the police chief, though.

You stupid fool!

At festive times, we give a lot of gifts.

No wonder! But if he's found out,

won't he get into a lot of trouble?

What's to worry? He can always buy a ticket

and just fly away from it all.

What trouble will there be then?

Make way. I want to ask him something.

Is our house really worth 8 gold bars?

Of course, darling.

So who shall we get rid of first?

Do you have to ask?

Uncle Yeung the cigarette vendor, of course.

Pat Koo, I'll thank you

not to throw away my things.

Pat Koo, I beg you, have pity!

How will I live if you turn me out?

Uncle Yeung, don't worry.

How will I live.

What's going on?

Pat Koo, what are you doing?

What do you think? I'm evicting him.

She wants me to move out!

Hold it! What's going on?

She's evicting Uncle Yang.

Why do you want to get rid of him?

Of course I'm evicting him. He owes rent.

What do you think this place is?

A charity home?

How much does he owe you?

A lot! It's 10 catties of rice a month,

and he owes me for 6 months.

That's 60 catties. At the market price,

6 x 7 = 42, that's 420,000.

That much?

Yes. Do you have it?

How much is it now to buy 2 pots?

Around 100,000.

Let's say 100,000 then.

Plus all this crockery, cutlery

and other stuff, another 100,000.

Not that much. 70,000's enough.

Okay, 70,000.

Uncle Yeung, how much for the cigarettes?

My cigarettes? About 40 thousand.

40,000, 70,000, 100,000.

That's 210,000 in total.

You hold this. It's 3 month's rent.

You'll get the rest later.

What are you doing? What are you doing?

What the hell are you playing at?

I'm not playing at anything.

Don't you have to pay for breaking things?

If I had to pay,

I wouldn't beak them in the first place.

So you don't have to pay for breaking things?

Of course not!

Okay, listen everyone.

She says you can break things without paying!

Let's go upstairs and break all her stuff!

All right, all right!

I'll pay, I'll pay.

I'll pay, I'll pay.

Damn you, Fat Chai! That's 210,000,

but he still owes me another 210,000.

I must be paid today, no matter what.

Otherwise, there's nothing more to be said.

So give it to me. 210,000!

Fat Chai, I've got 20,000 here.

Fat Chai, I've got another 30,000.

Okay, 30,000.

I have 20,000 here, take it.

Fat Chai, there's 15,000 here.

Here's 30,000.

And here's 10,000.

150,000. Still 60,000 short.

Can anyone help out? Another 60,000.

Can anyone help out? Another 60,000.

You've just finished your medicine.

The doctor says you need to get some more.

Please help. We still need 60,000.

Pat Koo, my wife's gone to collect money.

How about waiting another couple of hours?

Who has 60,000, you damned idiot?

How much can you make washing clothes?

Don't try to con people.

Is it enough? If not, out you go!

Have you got any?

- No? You? - I don't have any either.

I suppose I'd better go.

I don't want to trouble you anymore.

Gramps...

Little Fook, as long as Gramps is free,

I'll come back to see you. Be good!

I want Gramps!

Uncle Yeung.

I'd better go.

Uncle Yeung, don't go.

Uncle Yeung, I've got 60,000 here.

Use it to pay your rent.

No, Mr. Han.

I know you need it for medicine.

Keep it for yourself.

Uncle Yeung, take it for your rent.

I'll ask Ah fook to borrow some money tonight

to pay back Mr. Han.

That's right, Uncle Yeung. You take it.

We can always borrow some more later.

That's right.

That's right.

Take it, Uncle Yeung.

Thank you, Mr. Han. Thank you.

Don't mention it. How will we live

if we don't help each other?

Here, give it to me.

Pat Koo, here's 210,000.

You better count it.

I don't have time to count it for you.

Let's help Uncle Yeung move back in.

Thanks, everyone, Thank you so much!

Pat Koo, all this is worth 210,000 too.

Don't forget it! Don't say it's not enough!

Okay, let's go.

Everything's fine, let's go.

I'll get 369 to sort you out, you whore!

You! Come here!

Isn't your husband's name Han Yi-Shi?

Isn't your husband's name Han Yi-Shi?

Yes. What's the matter?

Han Yi-Shi.

You got a license? I want to check.

What license?

You think I don't know you're a hostess?

Hostesses usually moonlight as prostitutes,

and unlicensed prostitutes are against the law.

Come with me to the police station!

369, What are you doing here?

Arresting an unlicensed whore.

How do you know she's a whore?

Do you have to ask? Just look at her!

All tarted up at this hour,

wandering around the streets,

how could she be an honest woman?

You reckon she's pretty? I don't think so.

I think your wife's prettier.

You know my wife?

- Sure! She's real hot. - That's right!

Your wife dressed up in the evening too,

wandering around, looking great,

She's tall, right? With great figure.

Does your wife have a license?

She's got me, she doesn't need a license.

Drop in to see us when you have time.

Damn it!

How could I have blurted this out!

369...

your wife's an unlicensed whore.

Go arrest her!

You son of a bitch!

Am I checking her or are you checking me?

Get lost!

Tell me, how old's your husband?

What for?

The draft.

Please don't pick him!

He's not well. Please!

Okay then. Same old price.

You...- 5 pecks of rice.

Where would I get 5 pecks of rice?

Do you have it or not?

Summer discount, 3 pecks.

I don't have 3 pecks either.

Okay, let's do this.

We're all friends here.

I'll settle for 3 HK dollars.

How would I have that much in my purse?

Let's cut the bull. One dollar!

Let's cut the bull. One dollar!

You're more familiar with this than I am!

Why don't you have my job?

We'll split the money.

Who wants to do what you do?

Don't be scared, Mrs. Han.

These people only prey on the weak.

Just ignore him. Go to work.

Thanks, Brother Fook.

369, don't you go too far.

There are still laws in the world.

Justice is in men's hearts. You can't win!

Foiled again!

You're useless!

You never do anything right!

Always messing things up!

What can I do?

Even that consumptive guy

gave away his own medicine money.

Every time I ask you to sort someone out,

you always make a mess of things!

You can't even pass up a buck or two!

You won't get a buck if you pass it up!

Yeah!

You should stop to think:

If we get rid of these beggars upstairs,

if we get rid of these beggars upstairs,

the house alone will be worth 8 gold bars!

Try to imagine

if I, Master Bing, had 8 gold bars,

what benefits might trickle down to you!

What benefits might trickle down to you!

Why all the words and no action then?

Hurry up and think of some way

to get rid of this lot of beggars.

I've thought it through.

Fat Chai's the toughest of the lot.

We'll deal with him first.

You're right, but how?

But how?

Go wrap up a few of your best cheongsams

and put them at Fat Chai's place.

369, you wait outside.

When Fat Chai returns, you yell "thief".

369 will conduct a search, find the loot,

and haul him off to the police station.

You're real smart. You deserve to get rich.

Enough talk. Hurry, before Fat Chai returns.

Go put the things on his bunk, now!

I say, Brother Bing, that's real dastardly!

Indeed!

Do you have a son?

No. Why?

They say that too many dastardly deeds

condemn one to having no progeny.

Go to hell!

Fat Chai!

Ah Bing.

Hurry!

Put it in there quickly!

You keep watch outside. I'll stay here

- Done? - Done.

- Finished work, Fat Chai? - Yes.

Go upstairs, then come down and yell "thief".

Back from work, Fat Chai?

How is business?

Thief! Come quickly!

Thief!

What's happening?

I was looking for something just now

and discovered I'm missing a red cheongsam,

a green one, as well as a padded silk jacket.

In all, they're worth 100 catties of rice!

What am I going to do now?

Hold it, all of you!

What am I going to do?

Calm down. There's no use getting upset.

Tell us exactly what happened.

Come, come.

Tell everyone.

Come, let's all hear it.

I'm so upset I can hardly speak.

Listen, Pat Koo's lost something again.

Everybody stay where you are.

If we catch the thief, he's going to jail!

Stand up here.

Don't fret, tell us slow and calm.

Everybody listen!

- Wait a minute. 369! - Here!

You have your handcuffs with you?

I've got them. Ready for an arrest.

Get ready then.

Okay, tell us.

Everybody listen.

I came back this afternoon and saw a man

running down the stairs hurriedly.

I thought it was a bit strange.

Then I went upstairs looking for something,

and found I was missing a red cheongsam,

a green one as well, and a silk jacket.

I realized I'd been robbed!

Robbed?

Did you take a good look at the thief?

Not really, but I thought he resembled

that damned kid, Fat Chai!

Are you sure?

How can Fat hai be a thief?

Nonsense!

It couldn't possibly be Fat Chai!

Pat Koo, have you gone crazy?

I was working all day, how could it be me?

All right, all right.

Whether it's Fat Chai or not,

there's no need for a commotion.

369 is here.

A search will sort everything out.

That's right. A search!

What if he doesn't find anything?

The stuff's definitely there.

How can he not find anything?

What did you say?

No...she simply said...

if you stole the stuff, it must be there.

Okay, okay.

I'm not afraid of any search.

Quiet! Quiet!

But what if he finds nothing?

Unless that's clear, there'll be no search.

He'll find it. What are you afraid f?

I'm not afraid. I've nothing to be afraid of.

Listen to me. Fat Chai's right.

We must have reward as well as punishment.

Otherwise, the innocent will suffer.

Don't you agree?

That's right.

Lets clear the whole thing up.

All right, all right. Listen, everybody.

If I don't find the stuff in there,

then Pat Koo, 369, and I will kneel down

and kowtow 3 times to Fat Chai.

You heard it. If they find nothing,

they’ll kowtow to me 3 times!

Master Bing, be warned.

I'm not letting this go.

Relax.

Be vigilant, 369. Go!

- Where's the stuff? - Rattan basket...

Rattan basket.

Ah Bing,

Fat Chai's going to jail for sure.

Why don't we put up a notice now

to let out his bunk space?

You'd like to, wouldn't you?

But there's no need to jump the gun.

Wait till 369 finds the bundle of clothes.

Pat Koo, where did you put the stuff?

What did he say?

Nothing, he said he's half done.

Another half to go.

Damned idiot! Can't even search right!

There's only one basket on the bunk!

But there's nothing in the basket!

369, how can you be so stupid?

I can't understand it!

I put it here myself!

- What did you say? - Nothing!

She thought you put the stuff here.

You...

Can you be mistaken?

Didn't you say you put it here yourself?

How could I have got it wrong?

I definitely put it here!

369, forget it.

Just haul him off to the police station.

Without proof, how can I charge him?

Just say he sold off the loot this afternoon.

That's wicked! No wonder you have no son!

Fat Chai!

I realize why I can't find the loot.

You must have sold it off this afternoon.

- Ridiculous! - Don't move!

As soon as I saw you

I knew you were no good.

Come with me to the station!

Quiet!

I won't let him go. Where's the loot?

Hand over the cheongsams!

Mr. 369, Mr. 369!

Hand it over!

The clothes aren't stolen, they're all here.

You damned girl!

I'll kill you!

The red one, the green, and the silk jacket.

They're all here, as you can all see.

You three, on your knees!

On your knees!

What? You want to sell us Ah Heung?

Yes.

I can't stand her anymore, damn it!

That bloody girl has no family loyalty,

always taking the side of that damned kid.

Pat Koo,

she's not worth much to us.

If the price's not right, we won't sell.

Damn you! Of course you don't want to sell!

You want to keep her for yourself!

I don't care if it's $10 or $20,

I'm selling her for sure!

Wait a minute.

You're scaring me!

I've found you a good connection.

What is it, 369?

Come! - Stop pulling! What's the matter?

As soon as I got back to the station house,

I heard the Chief wants a 7th wife,

specifically between the ages of 17 and 18,

so I immediately thought of Ah Heung.

You must be joking!

Your police chief's over 60 years old!

He'll still want it when he's 80.

None of his 6 wives has had a child.

Marriage to the chief is like the draft:

He offers no betrothal gifts,

so you lose out on the dowry!

And you call yourself a man of the world!

If your daughter marries a Police Chief,

what do you care about betrothal gifts!

If your daughter marries the Police Chief,

he'll be your son-in-law.

Think of the advantages that'll bring!

Just think it over!

Pat Koo, 369's right for a change.

Never mind evicting your 72 tenants,

you can evict the whole district!

Evict the whole city, even!

No, that wouldn't do.

If I got rid of everyone in the city,

there'd just be the few of us left.

It'd be too quiet and lonely.

- You have a point. - Yes.

369, if this thing works out,

I'll reward you two nice plump pigs.

Two pigs? That's a bit heavy.

You can keep the pigs.

Just make sure you ask the Chief

to put a few stripes on my arm.

Only a few?

You can have an arm full of them!

Then you should go make preparations.

How disgraceful!

Marrying off a 19-year-old girl

to a 60-year-old man!

Whoever came up with that idea

deserves to have a son with no rear end!

No rear end? He doesn't deserve a son at all!

If he can have a son, I should have 10!

What kind of life will it be for Ah Heung?

Dad, Little Fook wants me to buy him sweets.

Okay, settle down.

Take him outside to play. Go.

Brother Fook.

You're back, Brother Fook?

How's Ah Heung? Where's Fat Chai?

Fat Chai's gone up to see Ah Heung.

You stinking beggars!

What are you jabbering about?

Tell me, you sons of bitches!

You know it's my daughter's wedding day.

Why don't you come to congratulate me?

One would think you'd all died!

They've all gone out to make a living.

It's not like you're giving out bridal money.

So why are you all here? To plot against me?

Pat Koo, you've got us wrong.

We're discussing what presents to give.

Shanghai Po's giving you a bed.

I'm going to give you a chest of drawers.

A chest of drawers!

Mrs. Chan's a dozen cheongsams just for you,

since you're giving away your daughter.

Remember to make the waist a bit tighter,

and the slit higher!

There's more.

Dr. Kim, the Hans,

and a few other neighbors

are ordering a 3-catty gold chain for you.

Dr. Kim, what an extravagance!

I don't know what to say.

Ah Fook, you must bring the gifts early,

I've got to prepare a banquet for you.

Oh, that's not necessary.

Of course it is.

You're giving me so many gifts,

how can I not invite you?

But I haven't finished.

I didn't sell all my olives today,

Dr. Kim saw no patients,

and we didn't find money on the street.

So...

What are you saying?

So we can't give you anything!

Damn you!

You stinking beggars!

Ganging up to make a fool of me!

Wait till my daughter comes home to visit.

Then you'll see!

Pat Koo, aren't you throwing a 10-table banquet

to which we're all invited?

Ten tables? You'll all be stuffed to death!

I'll throw all right...

I'll throw you all out!

Fat Chai, how's Ah Heung?

The windows are closed. I couldn't see her.

But I heard her crying inside

I think you'd best her away from here.

I wish I could, but it's too late.

Sir, sir.

Madam. Sir.

Coming! Coming right down!

You stinking beggars.

Get ready to move out,

or I'll have you all arrested.

Hurry up!

I must lock the door first.

If that damned girl escapes,

we'll be in trouble.

Madam.

Has the Police Chief arrive?

Not yet. I saw him getting ready

and came to tell you

to get ready to welcome him outside.

That will certainly please him.

Yes, yes. Let's go.

Sir. Madam.

When you meet your Police Chief son-in-law,

don't forget to mention my stripes!

Don't worry. You'll get a bunch of them.

Please.

What's so funny?

Go on up.

Fat Chai, what are you going up for?

I'm going to save Ah Heung.

Don't climb the pipes or smash floorboards.

- Ah Heung. - It's you!

I'm taking you away.

Hurry!

Madam. I'm going to watch out for them.

Hurry!

- Ah Heung's coming. - Ah Heung.

Take Ah Heung away while they're gone!

Take Ah Heung away while they're gone!

I can't go now!

I'll get you all into trouble!

Your going won't have anything to do with us.

Hurry, go before it's too late!

Fat Chai, here's some money.

Take Ah Heung and go!

Here's some money.

Hurry, go!

Hurry, go!

Where are you going?

I'm taking Ah Heung away.

You can't go. Pat Koo's already in the alley.

Damn it!

What dreadful timing!

Dr. Kim, you're an educated man,

Can't you think of some way to help them?

Too bad Mr. Han's queuing at the hospital,

otherwise there'd be one more person

- To help think of what to do. - Yes.

He's queuing at the hospital?

What is it?

Hang on.

Shanghai Po, this is a laxative.

Get Pat Koo to take it somehow.

Ah Heung, put on some men's clothes.

Fat Chai,

wrap her up in a quilt blanket.

Wrap her up?

Dr. Kim, what's all this about?

You don't understand. Come!

369, the Police Chief is coming. Wait here

I have something to do for Ah Pat.

All right. Please.

Help!

Damn it! It's my daughter's wedding!

Are you trying to murder someone?

Pat Koo, Dr. Kim's in the wrong this time.

A doctor can't refuse to see a patient.

It's not an illness I can treat!

Fat Chai, put down your chopper.

It's like this.

Fat Chai had a friend stay over last night

who didn't feel well this morning,

so he went to see Dr. Kim.

All right, it's his funeral.

None of our business!

Go and take a leak already!

That's not right!

Do you know what disease he's got?

It couldn't be cholera, could it?

It is indeed cholera!

- Say that again? - It's like this.

Let me tell you what happened.

My friend didn't feel well this morning.

He had the runs and felt dizzy,

so I took him to see Dr. Kim.

And he told me it was cholera

and wouldn't even take a look.

Doesn't he have any medical ethics?

But this disease is contagious!

Pat Koo, that's nothing to worry about.

Comes to the worst, we'll just be quarantined.

But what if the Police Chief finds out?

He may not want Ah Heung anymore!

Think of something!

Dr. Kim!

You old bastard! Refusing to treat a patient!

What kind of a doctor are you?

Let me tell you,

if my daughter's wedding falls through,

I won't let you get away with it!

Pat Koo, it's all the Shantung guy's fault!

Don't upset yourself so.

Have a cup of hot tea.

I'm so mad!

Shanghai Po, you're very kind this time.

You deserve it.

Shantung Man, do something quickly!

Pat Koo, it's an incurable disease.

He'll die for sure.

What are you saying?

You might have to put up with a corpse here.

What a stroke of luck, Pat Koo!

You can have a wedding and a funeral!

Damn you! Do something, quick!

Or I'll have your hide for this!

Pat Koo.

It's too late to save him. All we can do

is get rid of him before the Chief arrives.

Otherwise we're all done for. And you, too.

Once the stomach cramps start, that's it!

To hell with you! Cursing me to die!

Damn you, Fat Chai!

Get your friend out of here immediately.

You mean you won't help a dying man?

All right, all right. You win.

Here's some money.

Take him to see another doctor.

Go! Go!

Fat Chai! Take your friend now and go!

Okay, I'm moving out.

Dr. Kim, that was a really good idea!

My idea's not bad?

It's great!

Make way! Make way! Contagion!

What's the matter?

For heaven's sake don't go in!

There's a cholera victim!

We must move him out

before the Police Chief arrives.

But I came to tell you

his palanquin's has just arrived outside.

Make way!

Ah Bing, what do we do now?

Fat Chai, get your friend inside quickly!

Are you waiting for the Chief's palanquin?

Inside!

What if the Police Chief finds out?

If he knows there's cholera here, it's over.

Listen everybody. When the Chief comes,

don't anyone mention the word cholera!

I'll shoot anyone who does!

Do I make myself clear?

Ah Bing, I may be imagining it,

but my stomach hurts.

Ah Pat,

this is no time for jokes!

The Police Chief!

Salute!

Mr. Police Chief son-in-law.

Please sit down.

Good morning. Police Chief son-in-law.

My greetings, Sir and Madam.

Officer, what did I use to call the others?

You called them Daddy and Mommy.

Daddy, Mommy, Good morning.

Our master greets Sir and Madam.

Good, good.

See how polite our son-in-law is.

What's your name?

I...I'm called Ah Yin.

Ah Yin,

come up with me to help the bride change.

Please.

My stomach hurts!

Dear wife, my stomach hurts!

I...I can't hold it in!

Quick, go home!

My stomach hurts!

How do you feel?

I must go to the toilet.

Carry me. Carry me.

Hurry!

What's the matter? What's going on?

Nothing, Police Chief son-in-law.

Absolutely nothing.

I...

Coming down

Ah Bing! Why did you lock the door?

Master, could it be that thing?

- I hope not. Officer! - Yes Sir!

You have one minute to find out

what's going on here. - Yes Sir.

- Old man! - Who? Me?

Who else but you?

Old man, you have 30 seconds

to tell me what's going on here.

I can't tell you. Ah Bing told us

not to mention the word "cholera". Cholera

Cholera?

You old bastard!

Who has cholera? Who has diarrhea?

I...have...

Damn you Ah Bing!

If you're smart, you'll tell the truth.

If you don't,

I'll have you imprisoned for life.

Imprisoned for life?

Ah Bing, I've got to tell him.

Stand back, stand back.

- Is here all right? - Yes. Speak!

Someone came down with cholera.

We wanted to move him away

but you were to become a father-in-law,

No, no, I mean a bridegroom,

so the patient's still in my room.

369!

- 369! - Yes Sir!

You have 1 minute to remove the patient.

Yes Sir!

Fat Chai, you do it.

I can't move him without your help.

Careful! It's contagious!

Don't even look. Take his legs.

Another thing.

If your stomach hurts, go see a doctor.

Otherwise, you're done for!

Thank you. Thank you.

- Ready? - Ready.

Fat Chai, go as far away as you can.

I know, Mrs. Han.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye.

Hurry. Go!

Goodbye!

Hurry up, Fat Chai! Hurry!

Take a look at Pat Koo!

- Hurry! - Yes, I know.

Goodbye, everyone. Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Fat Chai, hurry up and take him outside.

You want to wait for the palanquin?

What a nice thought! Goodbye.

Goodbye.

- 147, 258. - Sir!

What's the matter?

An order from the Chief.

Throw away everything inside this blanket.

What is this?

Silverware and antiques?

How can there be so much of it?

It's a cholera victim.

Are you moving him or not?

If not, I'll take him back. - We're moving!

Who says we're not? Pedicab!

You calling me?

Of course I'm calling you.

What's the matter?

We're requisitioning your cab.

Take all this as far away as possible.

Okay, but money first.

What are you saying?

Money? We're requisitioning your cab!

No money! Who do you think you are?

Shut up. I can charge you with obstructing

a police officer in the course of his duty.

Are you trying to bully me?

How many fathers have you got?

Buddy, my friend has cholera.

Get us to the hospital quick, please!

Cholera? Why didn't you say so earlier?

The sooner you take him...

How much?

I don't charge for saving lives.

You think I'm like them?

Can't wait for an ambulance. Let's go.

What are you blabbering about?

Do you want me to write you a ticket?

Damn it! Why do so many people hate us?

Have they gone, Ah Bing?

Yes, I got rid of them.

Salute! Reporting, Chief!

I requisitioned a pedicab

and sent them as far away as possible.

Police Chief son-in-law.

Shall I tell my daughter to get dressed now?

Hurry up!

I've ordered over 100 tables

for the wedding banquet.

Hurry, hurry.

What are we going to do now?

It's okay. We're almost at the train station.

Really?

Ah Heung...

Oh my goodness, Ah Pat!

What's wrong with you?

Ah Heung's gone!

Ah Bing, what did you just say?

Don't scare me, I'm going to faint.

You can't faint now!

If that's a joke, it's not funny!

I've over 100 tables of guests at the restaurant.

- That's a lot of gifts. - I know.

You beggars! Has anyone seen Ah Heung?

I saw her.

Where?

Right here.

When?

Last night.

Damn you!

- 369. - 369.

I'm...Here. What...is it, Chief?

I'm telling you.

If you don't find the bride today,

start worrying about your stripes.

What will happen to my stripes?

You'll get them in your next life.

I can tell you where Ah Heung is.

Where?

Didn't you hear Pat Koo say a few days ago

she was selling her to Hangchow as a whore?

You bastard!

You want to assault me as well?

You're making money twice on your daughter!

- Officers! - Officers!

Arrest both of them.

- Arrest both of them. - Yes sir!

Ah Pat!

Police Chief son-in-law!

Don't listen to those bastards.

Look at me. I look like a bodhisattva.

How can I be a bad person?

Plus you're such devastatingly handsome,

it's not just Ah Heung who wants to wed you,

even I want to marry you myself!

Ah Pat, Ah Pat.

Wait a minute.

Officer.

Since I need a bride tonight anyway,

this one's not too bad.

But she's your mother-in-law!

I've never tried one before.

- I might as well give her a go. - Yes Sir

- Palanquin! - Yes Sir!

Help!

Ah pat!

Don't try to get away!

Let's go!

Translator: Trevor Morris