All language subtitles for Last.Man.Standing.2011.S06E22.Shadowboxing.720p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-NTB

I'm sure my mug
got mixed in with your stuff

last time
we went camping.

Really?
- Yeah.

'Cause generally,
you put the heavy stuff

in my backpack.

Well, we have to
find it.

It's my lucky mug.

I'm going hunting
for three days.

You want me to get eaten
by a bear?

Not gonna happen.
Bears don't like gristle.

Oh! Dad!

Mr. Alzate!
You're busy.

Don't bother reading this.

Just sign it right here
real quick.

You know what?
I don't generally sign things

I haven't read.

That's how you end up married
or in the army.

Either way,
you're going to war.

And you'll never pick out
your own clothes again.

(laughs loudly)

Classic.
Ed, tell me about the war.

Dad, sign this.
- Wh--

What is this? It's for my
Business Management class.

It just says that I followed you
around for 20 hours.

But you haven't
followed me around.

Yeah, but I follow you
on Twitter,

and I feel like
that's enough.

I'll sign the paper, but you
have to come to work with me.

Seriously?

Do you really
want to do this?

I mean,
neither one of us

wants to spend 20 hours
together.

Maybe over the course
of a year,

but crammed together
into one week?

Listen to this, honey.

Eve's worked
at Outdoor Man.

Kristin has the restaurant
down there.

You're my only daughter
who hasn't spent any time

at the business
I spent most of my life

helping to build, okay?

I found it!

That's your special mug?

Bears are terrified
of stainless steel, right?

What do I look like,
a scientist?

It just works, that's all.
Right.

And just hold your water!

This came
with a matching spoon.

Why don't I go look
for the matching spoon?

Right.
Good, good.

The mug is useless
without a spoon, right?

Mandy.
- Yeah.

You got to do this
for your dad.

(whining) Why?
Because he'd like it!

Come on, don't you want to
know what he does?

I already know
what he does.

He sells stuff that
if you leave it outdoors,

it's fine.

No, there's a little more to it
than that.

Now,
he wouldn't say this,

but he would love to show off
for you.

Come on, give it a shot.
What do you say?

(groans) It would make your dad happy.
Come on.

MIKE: Hey!
- Huh?

Found your little folding spoon
that goes with the mug.

It was right next
to this crazy straw.

Must be yours, huh?

No, no, it's not,
but I'll take it.

That'll scare a bear,
I'll tell you.

Yes, sirree.

Mandy, good luck
working with your dad

this week, huh?
Thanks, man.

So you're going?

I will be there at 10:00
with bells on.

-8:00.
-I will be there at 8:00,

but there will be
no bells.

You know
what's amazing is

you just didn't forge
my signature.

You've really lost a step
since high school.

♪♪

I can't believe
how you handled yourself

in that meeting.

-I'm a born leader, honey.
-Yeah.

No, I mean, there was
all that free food,

and you didn't touch
any of it.

It's easy because
I don't like deviled eggs.

Morning, Mr. B.
Morning, Kyle.

I see you have
a new management trainee.

She's very attractive.

Stop it.

Hey, hey, hey!

That's harassment.

You are fired!

But I liked it.

You're rehired.

Oh, good.

For one second,
I had no idea

what I was gonna do
with my life.

All right, Kyle, what is
on our docket for today?

Uh, you know,
just the usual.

Uh, have any problems
around here

that my daughter
might enjoy watching

rather than me work
at the computer?

A problem in the store.

-Mm-hmm.
-Let me think.

CHUCK: No, you don't know
what you're talking about,

so just shut up!

No, you shut up, okay?
(groans)

'Cause I held Beverly's Fabrics
to five runs.

Those gals can hit!

Beverly's Fabrics.

I beat Der Wienerschnitzel!

Guys, can you keep it down?

I'm trying to think
of a work problem

for Mr. B. to deal with.

(laughs)

It's right here
in front of me!

There's that one flip-flop
still in Lost and Found.

Mike, we need you
to solve a problem.

-Work-related?
-Absolutely.

We need a new starting pitcher
for the softball team,

and that should be me,
right?

He's wrong, right?

Mike, am I wrong?

Almost always, Joe.
Almost always.

It's a borderline
work-personal problem,

but I'm on a roll, so...

Okay, I'm a better pitcher
than he is.

Anybody with eyes
can see that.

Compelling argument
backed up by science.

Except he's an idiot.

Also backed up by science.

All right, all right,
all right.

After careful deliberation,
I'll make a decision.

You're both wasting my time!

Okay. Agreed.

But you're never gonna get
that part of your life back,

so who should pitch?

I'm gonna go with George.

Who's George?

I don't know, but I'll find him.

It's a big city, okay?

No, no, no.
No, no.

That's not fair!

Fair went out with Obama.
Now get back to work!

You know, it worked out
for the best.

I didn't want to have
to buy a new glove.

Yeah, what do you
want to do now?

Get some lunch?
- Hey, I'm buying!

I got that glove money
burning a hole in my pocket.

Nice work.
No problem is too small

for you to handle, huh?

Or too big.

I've worked out a way
to defeat ISIS

10 times in my mind.

Boom.
I found the other one.

And they're mine.

♪♪

I told you my kickboxing class
was fun.

I loved it when you took down
the instructor.

Well, she said
to hit her,

and I knew she was
expecting it,

so I went for a leg sweep.

Teacher got taught.

Hey, Kris.
- Hey, Mom.

Oh, Evie, hey. Uh, listen, honey.
Yeah.

I need you to be home
this afternoon.

Mm-hmm. The guy is coming
to fix the Internet.

(gasps)

Somebody broke
the Internet?

Yeah. Yeah.

I believe
that one person

broke the 75 million servers

which comprise
the global network

which we call
"the Internet."

Yeah, 'cause me old,
me not understand.

Ooh, looks like
Mom had a leg sweep of her own.

Okay, sure, I'll do it.

I mean, what kid
wouldn't love

to sit around the house
all day with no Internet?

Hey, could you break the TV
while you're at it

so there's absolutely
nothing to do?

Thank you.
I'd do it,

but I am tutoring
from 1:00 to 4:00,

then I have to have
a staff meeting

to go over
the lesson plan

and then get back here
to do the laundry.

Geez, Mom.

You should come
to my kickboxing class,

work off some
of that stress.

Hitting strangers
is way more calming

than meditation.
- Mm.

Well, I appreciate
the offer,

but I am not stressed.

Mom, you just rattled off
a laundry list of things to do

that actually included
doing the laundry.

Well, that's
because I am busy.

I'm not stressed.
And I like being busy.

Even so,
you should come with us!

It's fun, and plus,
kickboxing's a great workout.

Okay, okay.

It sounds like a "kick."

And, besides, you girls
have kind of "boxed" me in.

People are gonna be lining
up to hit her. Yeah.

Hey.
What did I miss?

Oh, a big
management lesson.

Candice downstairs
had a bad cough, so I --

I let her go home.

Could have been Zika.

I might have saved
hundreds of lives.

Hey, you know,
I told my teacher

about how you handled

that Chuck and Joe thing
yesterday.

Um, he said
you were wrong.

Well, he is the face

of 21 huge stores
across the Southwest.

Oh, wait a minute.
No, that's not him.

That's me.

See, the textbook
outlines a four-step process

for conflict resolution.

You didn't do any of them.

Because it's not
a four-step process.

One step.

Yell at them,
make fun of them,

get them back to work.

That would actually be
three steps.

But shutting problems down
like that

just allows them to fester
and grow below the surface.

Well,
it's their surface,

and I really don't want to
know what's...festering.

Okay.

Hey, guys.

How's it going?

Oh, great.

Cronuts.

Surface.

Hey, um, so, is everything
actually great out here?

Oh. Yeah.

Didn't you hear me? Cronuts.
MANDY: Yeah.

Yeah, I just feel like
maybe my dad

shut you guys down
a little quickly

with that whole
pitching thing.

Yeah, but he always
does that.

That's just his style.

Baxter be Baxter.
(chuckles)

But not all Baxters be Baxter,
you know?

I for one believe
in a less authoritative

management style.

It's hard to imagine

a more authoritative
management style.

See, I'm of the Hopkins
school of thought

that any employee conflict
can be easily resolved

using a four-step
process.

Check out the book-head
on her.

(laughs)
I know, right?

It's like I have all these
amazing thoughts, like,

sloshing around up here,

but nobody wants to
listen to me.

It's like --
This must be how Jesus felt.

Okay.

So, what's your process?

Oh, do you guys just
want to try it out?

It could be fun in like

a super-professional,
businessy way.

Are we on the clock
while we're doing it?

Sure.

I'm in.
Yeah, all right.

Me, too.
Why not?

Oh, hang on.
Cronuts!

Okay, so Step 1 --

find a common goal.
Uh...

You both want the team
to win, right?

Yeah.
- Sure, why not?

(gasps)

Yay!
This is working super well!

And since we want
the team to win,

I should be pitcher
and Joe should, uh,

bring snacks
like the Team Mom.

Hey, if was the Team Mom,

I'd be dropping you off
at the fire house right now.

No. Okay. No, no.

No, we're done with Step 1.

Now we're onto Step 2.
Active listening.

Now, uh, Joe,
I want you to listen

while Chuck tells us
why he feels

that he should be
the pitcher.

Go ahead, Chuck.
Okay, well, it's simple.

I'm a Marine.

I'm battle-tested.

When the pressure's on, I keep my cool.
- Mm-hmm.

Not keeping your cool,
not cool.

Okay.

Joe, I hope that you were
listening actively

because I want you to tell us
what you heard Chuck say.

Okay, here's
what I heard, okay?

"I'm a lousy pitcher,"
okay?

"I was a soldier.

Blah, blah, blah.
Support the troops.

Blah, blah, blah.
I want to pitch.

Not cool."

Oh.

You know what?

At least I wouldn't be
napping between pitches.

What's that supposed to mean?
Okay, no, no.

Let's not ruin all that good
feeling we had after Step 1.

Remember?
Those were the days, huh?

I've seen you
on the security cameras!

Pick up a wrench,
take a nap.

Turn a bolt,
take a nap.

Wake up from a nap,

take a nap!

Is that your job?

You stare at a monitor
and watch people work?

You know, you're
a professional creep, okay?

The only thing
I've ever seen you work on

is a sandwich.
All good points!

Now, Chuck -- Hey, hey, I
have a condition, okay?

I'm trying to regulate
my blood sugar.

With ham?

It helps! You know,
I'm out of here.

No. I'm fed up.
No.

Lose an argument,
take a nap!

Okay!
Okay, great!

We'll just take
a short little break,

and then when we come back,
we'll do Step 3.

No, we do not hit each other
with a stapler!

Okay, and switch!

Hyah!

Hyah!

Mom! Mom, nobody else
is saying "Hyah!"

Yeah, I know,

but everyone stared
when I yelled "Kung Fu!"

Okay, fighters,
grab some water.

(laughs)

I am so glad you guys
got me to do this.

Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!
(laughs)

(groans) She giggles when she kicks.
- Yeah.

It's called repressed rage,
okay?

She's gonna explode.

You're right.
She's a ticking time bomb.

I am not sparring
with her.

I'm not afraid of Mom.

She carries spiders
out of the house

in a paper cup.

Okay, fighters.

Face your sparring partner.

Eve, you're with me.
-Oh.

Rematch?
Excellent.

How's your knee?

Awful,
but I'm on painkillers.

Mm.

So what you're saying is,
punch harder.

Come on, Mom.
It's you and me.

Let's go.
- Okay.

In the words
of the Cowardly Lion,

"Put 'em up,
put 'em up!"

Come on, Mom.
Hit me. Come on.

Okay! Okay.
Hyah!

Ooh! You okay?
I'm sorry.

Sorry. - Mom, do not apologize
for hitting me, okay?

And that was a love tap.

Come on.
That's 'cause I love you.

What? No. Mom!
Stop.

Come on, Mom.
Let the leather fly.

You know you always wanted
to hit Kristin.

I have not.

Oh.

Maybe it's just me.
(scoffs)

Ow!
- Focus!

Are you nuts?

I'm just a little kid!
My mom's here!

Mom, come on, come on! - Okay.

Keep your hands up, okay? Yeah.
Yeah? All right, all right.

Ow!
Ooh, that was hard!

Hey!
No kicking!

Mom,
it's called kickboxing.

I don't care!

Come on, hit me again!
Hit me again!

No, harder!
I know you have it in you!

Come on.
- Like this?

No, like this!

Oh, my God.

We're gonna need
some of your painkillers.

What the hell?

Hey, Joe.

Hey, Mandy.
Glad you're here.

Hold this.
- Okay.

Um, so, anyways...

Yeah, I'm just checking
that you're okay

and none of this
gets back to my father.

What the hell?

What are you doing?

I'm putting peanut butter
on Chuck's security camera.

Um, you know,

I don't think you're supposed
to be doing that.

Well, while you're looking
into it,

I'm gonna keep working, okay?
- Okay.

What do you -- What do you think
you're doing, Joe?

Oh, Chuck, I'm sure
he's just joking around.

Is it funny to compromise
the security of the store?

All the cameras are blocked
from here to the loading dock!

Well, I'm not comfortable
in front of a camera, okay?

What can I say?
I'm, uh...

I'm bashful.

(laughs)

The book says you're supposed
to be getting along by now.

Give me
that toilet brush pole!

No, this is
my toilet brush pole!

Why hasn't anybody
read this book?

Hey.
Larabee, what's going on?

This guy put peanut butter
on my cameras.

He put cameras
in my peanut butter!

And unlike the great people
at Reese's,

you guys have made a mess.
Stop! What's happening?

It's just a little bit
of interpersonal conflict.

Don't worry, I got it.

What did you do?
I just wanted to make sure

there was no festering
below the surface.

They're not festering,
they're fighting.

Right,
but they're not festering,

so...yay!

Hey, Mike Baxter here
for Outdoor Man.

In addition to guns, camo,
skis, bows, knives,

and more guns --

it's a big store here
(chuckles) --

we also sell books.

That's right,
we carry a wide variety

of reading materials
on climbing, exploring,

hunting, camping,
fishing, camo --

it's a big store.

Look, we know even
when you're hiking, hunting,

fishing, camping,
or just hanging outside --

big store --

eventually you'll need
the john

and something to do
while you're sitting there.

Some people prefer
learning from a book.

Others like life lessons
from the real world.

I order the swirl --

both flavors.

I read everything
I can get my hands on.

Camille Paglia.
Dale Carnegie.

Gavin de Becker.
Jack Welch.

And even the Honey Nut
cereal box.

I know, they're still cramming
a lot of Riboflavin in there.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

C.S. Lewis said,
"Experience is a brutal teacher,

but you'll learn,
by God, you'll learn."

As opposed
to the fourth grade

where Mr. Latham
was a brutal teacher,

I didn't learn too much...

except what the back
of a ruler felt like.

(imitates ruler cracking)

I was paying attention!

But I've learned
an awful lot about business,

about when to go by the book
and when to go with my gut.

And I think you'll find
the more book learning

you do about your trade,

the more often your gut
is right.

You know what,
and there's some things

that can't be taught in a book.

Like, ironically,
how to read a book.

Oh, my God, Mom.
I am so, so, so sorry.

Well, you should be.

You hurt our poor, innocent
mother who gave us life.

I was just trying to help her,
okay? And you agreed, okay?

We both thought
she was going to explode!

All right, girls.
Girls, stop.

I am fine.

Really.

I mean, hey, why would
you think I'd explode?

Uh, 'cause you never have.

I mean, there's got to be
some rage lurking

underneath that
eerily calm surface.

Seriously, Mom. No one smiles
that much and means it.

Well, I do!
Yeah, I do.

I don't have untapped rage.

I have a great life.

Listen, if I got rage-y
about everything,

that would make me
seem ungrateful

and small-minded.

Mm, you mean
like Kristin?

Hey!
Watch it!

Girls, look.

Come on.
I had fun.

I tried something new.

I got to hang out
with my girls, and...

I wasn't even unconscious
that long, but I --

I feel so rested!
(chuckles)

I feel awful.

Oh, there you go.
There you go.

Look.

Honey, rage just isn't
my thing,

but -- but guilt is.

Love you.

Even though you hurt me.

Wow, wow, wow.
She just nailed you.

Yeah.

Now I really feel like
punching somebody.

You know who I think
would enjoy kickboxing?

Mandy.
- Mandy.

I was just trying to demonstrate
how useless he is!

Okay.

Do you have me
on camera sleeping?

Because I have you
on camera sleeping!

Knock it off!

The reason I didn't
have you pitching

is because I wanted you
to work for it

because you're lazy!

He got me there.
- Yeah.

But you could have named me
pitcher.

That would have made him
work for it, too, right?

You're a lousy pitcher!

We beat Der Wienerschnitzel
by three runs.

26 to 23.

Okay, I'm not
a good pitcher.

Cleared up.
Now let's get back to work.

And get the peanut butter
off that damn camera down there!

Can I just keep it
on the one in my area?

That soft focus --

I mean, it takes off
like 10 years,

I can't believe it.

Joe! - I'm going! I'm going!

Okay, I know
that looked bad,

but I was just trying
to get them to talk it out

like my book said.

You know, I can probably
find a book

that will tell you everything
in that book is wrong.

There's only one book
you have to follow

word for word.
- The Bible.

The Federal Tax Code.

'Cause there's no
statute of limitations,

and they will
chase you down.

I think I see your point.
Books are stupid.

No, no, no, no, no.
That's not what I'm saying.

There's a lot of information
in books, great information,

but you got to know
when to trust your gut.

Okay, first of all,
I don't have a gut.

And if I had one,
I wouldn't trust it.

I'd be disgusted by it.

There's two things
that make a great manager --

all the knowledge
in those books

and the experience to know
when to apply that knowledge.

Yeah, and I guess I don't have
the experience yet, so...

I shouldn't have butted in.

Although I do trust
my butt.

(chuckles)

Doesn't happen overnight.
It takes some time.

I wasn't always
this good at this.

Yeah.

But I got some experience
today, right?

Yes, you did.
- You know?

I think I finally understand
what they mean

when they say, "You don't know
what you don't know

until you don't know it."

I didn't used to
know that.

I'm not entirely sure
you do right now.

Uh-oh.

The big man
who scares bears.

The straw really worked!

No bear attacks.

By the way,
I bumped into Chuck,

and I made him
our new starting pitcher.

Do you have to go
handle that?

Yeah.

This is why I can't deal
with ISIS.

(squeals)
These are so cushy!

Like, how do you even hurt
anybody with these things?

Like this.
- Ow!

And like this!
- Hey!

Come on! You're gonna
leave a bruise!

All right, come on!
Get mad at me, Mandy!

I'm tougher than you,
I'm smarter than you.

So what?

My skin's three years younger
than yours.

What?
How dare you?!

Aah!

(shouting)

Whoo!

Holy crap.
What the heck happened?

Yeah!

You want a piece of me?!

Yeah!
This is my house now!

(groans) Mandy has more anger
than we thought.

-- Captions by VITAC --