All language subtitles for Last.Man.Standing.2011.S06E15.The.Fixer.720p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-NTb

It's starting to brown.

Did you ever think you'd create
something so beautiful?

Well, I do have a son.

Yeah, but this had to be
more fun to make.

We got to use
a candy thermometer.

Ah, nothing I like better
than coming home from work

and seeing my girls'...
husbands.

Hey, Mr. B.
- What...?

We're just baking over here

because the sink at my place
is broken.

Kris says she's gonna fix it
when she gets some time.

Yeah, 'cause I taught her
how to fix stuff

and how to get a job.

You know, I figure you'd want
one of those things to do.

I'm home-schooling Boyd,
remember?

Plus, we don't have
traditional gender roles

in our family, so...

Yeah, you do.

She works all day.

You're the nice lady
that bakes.

No, that's a stereotype,
Mr. B.

How long have you been baking
here with Martha Stewart?

I don't know.

Time flies when
- I'm with my baking brother.

Oh, no.
- That's not a baking brother.

Martha Stewart
has a baking brother.

She bakes with Snoop Dogg.

That's a baking brother.

They must have
different fathers.

Why didn't you just help him
fix the sink in his house?

I'm not great at plumbing,

and thanks to Ryan,

I don't feel bad about that
anymore.

Guys, guys,
- fixing stuff is a manly art,

you know,
you take great pride

in fixing stuff
around your house.

Well, does it count
if I proudly ask you

to come over
and take a look at it?

Your wife can't fix it,
so you ask her dad.

It would be less embarrassing
to buy a new house,

but that would be
impossible

'cause you
have to have a job.

-- Captions by VITAC --

[ Knock on door ]

Come in.

Hey,
thanks for coming over.

Kris can't get to the sink
for another week.

Sorry it took me so long,

but it took me a while
to figure out why I care.

And I never miss an opportunity
to hang with Mr. B.

Plus, he told me
to get in the damn truck.

Kyle wanted to learn
something about plumbing,

so I brought him along.

You want to help us
get set up here?

Yeah, sure thing.
All right.

Now that guy
can carry a load, huh?

It's quite the box.

They should call you
"Tool Man."

Yeah, so, uh,
hope you don't mind

other guys
coming to your house

to fix stuff
that you can't fix.

Yeah, it's fine.
- Yeah.

Must be nice to let some other
guy be king of your castle.

I mean, why be alpha dog

when you can just be
a little, tiny poodle?

[ Imitates dog yipping ]

Look,
- I get what you're doing.

You want me to get my back up
like some big ape

and pound my chest,

warning the other ape
to stay away.

Is it working?

No.

Because you're poking
the wrong ape.

This one is evolved.
All right.

Okay, well, I'll teach Kyle how
to fix some of this stuff, too.

'Cause I got a feeling
other stuff around here

is gonna break, snap,
or cry.

Everything's set up for you,
Mr. B.

Got your tool box

and a cold beer open
and ready for you.

Well, it looks like you got
everything under control.

You know, while Kyle's here,
he eats first.

Not gonna work, Mike.

Okay.

Well,
- we'll get started, Alpha.

That's his new name.
Alpha.

♪♪

Hey, thanks for helping me
with my dresser.

Uh, sure.

I didn't really do anything.

No, you really didn't.

Doesn't U.C. Boulder
have a gym or something?

Oh, look at you two.

You're so cute together.

Mandy: Yeah.

I love it
when you see a couple

that's exactly the same level
of attractiveness.

Not like,
- "wow, they're so beautiful!"

or like,
"ohh, they're ugly,"

just like right there,
safe in the middle.

Sorry about them,

but if they had
turned out any better,

my parents
might not have had me.

Okay.

Okay, we can take a hint.
[ Chuckles ]

Mandy, that was a hint.

And they make me
clean the castle

while they go to the ball.

Hey.

I had a really great time
tonight.

Me, too.

I love being with you,
and, in fact...

I love you.

Thanks.

No. I mean it.
I really love you.

Oh.

[ Clears throat ]

Well, then, I...

really thank you.

Okay, um,
see you tomorrow.

Okay.
[ Chuckles nervously ]

Can I help you
with something?

No...

thank you.

[ Both laugh ]

♪♪

Hey, uh, hang on, Mr. B.

This is
my work-work shirt.

I need to put on
a work shirt.

You wan-- You want to
watch this lesson?

Nothing's sexier
- than guys working with tools.

Oh, yes, there is.

A man who does laundry
and makes dinner.

Oh-oh, baby.

Hey, Mike. I'm here.

Well, are you getting
handyman lessons, too?

Yeah.
I was thinking about it.

And there are some things
a man should be able to fix,

whether it be plumbing
or pastries.

Well, whatever
- you have to tell yourself.

You know what?

Vanessa's cleaned
your tart pan.

[ Sighs ]

Thank you, Vanessa.

I mean, dried-on cherry crumble
is a baker's nightmare.

All right, listen,
- we're gonna start in the garage,

but beware,

it doesn't smell like patchouli
out there.

Well, it's about to.

So, how'd you talk him into

taking your little
handyman class?

Well, Ryan is kind of like

one of those
little Russian dolls.

You know,
you take off the top,

it's just a series of
smaller and smaller hippies...

...till you finally get down
to a very little man.

And all of you
are doing this?

Is -- Is Kyle
okay with that?

I hope not.

I'm gonna pit them
against each other.

That way, th--
they'll learn faster,

and the best part is
I'll be entertained.

Honey, look.

Competition is not the best way to learn.
- Mm.

Cooperation has been proven
to be much more effective.

Right, right.

That's why
they fight cage matches

to an understanding.

Look, when you're cooperating,
you're sharing ideas,

and nobody feels like
they're losing.

You know,
this kind of mumbo jumbo

is why the U.S. is rated,
what -- you know this --

17th in education.

We're looking up to, what,
uh, Poland. Poland.

We're looking up to Poland.
- Hey, hey, hey.

Poland has done
- a lot of innovative things.

They might start
writing jokes about us.

No, no, no.

Americans aren't funny.

When an American
walks in to a bar,

he just wants a drink.

Look, and c-competition's
good for boys.

It worked for Jimmy and me.

Ryan and Kyle are not
like you and your brother.

I don't think
- their main form of greeting

is a nut chop.

Competition can push these guys
to be their best,

just like it was
with Jimmy and me.

Although my best is still
a lot better than Jimmy's.

When are you gonna stop
competing with your brother?

When one of us dies.

And I'm gonna die first,

I'm gonna die better,
and I'm gonna die faster.

All right.
Ready to learn, Mr. B.

Good luck, Kyle.
- Come on.

And, uh...I'm sorry.

Oh, stop.
All right. Here we go.

How many Americans does it take
to screw in a light bulb?

Just one, I think.

Hey,
what's Ryan doing here?

Aw, doggone it.

Did I forget to tell you

that he wants to learn
about plumbing, too?

Listen, I hope you don't mind
sharing all of this.

Laying it on pretty thick,
aren't you there, Mike?

I kind of have to.
We're dealing with Kyle.

What's he laying on?

Hmm?

He's using us, Kyle.

The other day, he was using you
to make me jealous,

and now, he's using me
to make you jealous.

Mr. B. would never do
anything like that.

That's exactly
what I'm doing, Kyle.

You know what?
He's not gonna go for it, Mike.

Hey, if Mr. B.
- thinks I'm gonna fall for it,

I am not
gonna let him down.

All right.

Who wants to learn
- a little bit about tools?

Oh, I do.
A lot more than Ryan.

If I know
what he's doing,

how come
it's still working?

Because America
is 17th in education.

♪♪

Eve: Hey, here's
the 20 bucks I owe you.

If Mom says she's missing
20 bucks, she's lying.

Oh. Thanks, Eve.

I love you.

[ Snickers ]

Kristin: [ Laughs ]

[ Clears throat ]
Uh, Evie,

I think your sister just said
"I love you."

Um, the very least
you could do is say,

"thank you."

Okay, listen.

I didn't know he was
gonna drop the L-bomb.

He could've given me
a warning, like,

"Hey, I'm about to say
something weird."

Well, you handled it
better than Ryan.

First time
I told him I loved him,

he left the country.

It just caught me
off guard.

I thought he was gonna say,
"I love cheese"

or birds or Zydeco.

Well, why didn't you tell him
you love him back?

Do you love him?

I don't know.
I really like him.

I mean, how do you even know
when you're in love?

Oh, my God,
you are in luck,

because, uh, I can tell you
exactly what love feels like.

Um...
[ Clears throat ]

...there are no words.

Love is...indescribable.

Helpful. Kris?

Yeah, well, people talk about
all that crazy passion stuff,

but for me,
love is work, you know?

Two people doing
really hard work...

...and sometimes one person

working a little bit harder
than the other,

which leads to
an exciting new feeling --

resentment.

Every time you talk,
I'm sad.

Uh, okay,
so, here's the deal.

Love may be indescribable,

but it's also undeniable,

and, like, overwhelming,

and, like, totally,
totally, totally clear.

So, uh, if you're not sure
if you're in love or not,

you're not.

Eh...Crap. I'm not sure.

Mm.
- Not good!

What? What?

Well,
that can be a real problem,

because, soon,
he's gonna feel insecure

and then start being needy,

which is super attractive.

Yeah,
and then you're looking at

texts in the middle
of the night,

notes on your windshield,

he gives you
a "D" in English,

you're like...

Uh, the point is, uh,

when the feelings
of two people

are, like, so different...
Mm-hmm.

...it's really hard to make it work.
Right.

And the only humane thing
you can do

is break up with them.

So, you're saying
I should dump him

because he loves me?

Yes.

And then,
- maybe after years of therapy,

he'll be the one to say...

Thank you.
...thank you.

♪♪

All right.

We got through
basic electrical and plumbing.

What's the final
Band-Aid count?

Two.
- One.

Five.

You know why?
Because you got cocky.

One of the first rules
of home repair

is knowing when
to call in a professional.

And when is that?

Basically, when the guy
at the hardware store goes,

"Okay,
but it's your funeral."

Now we move
into a critical area

called "problem-solving."

The lawn mower
doesn't want to start,

so what's the problem?

All right, well,
this is probably too obvious,

but I guess
I'd unscrew the cap thingy

and make sure it had gas?

He shoots. He scores!

That's 5 points
for the Canuck.

I love it. I love it.

All right,
- but it still won't start,

so we got
to clean something.

What's that?

Oh! My hands. No, my hair.
Uh, my jeans.

Ah! Air filter.

It's amazing
watching his mind work.

Thanks, Mr. B.

I have a process.

What? Saying random words
that pop in your head

isn't a process.

You're the guy
at the bus stop.

I'm gonna grab a beer.

While I'm gone, I want you
guys to clean the air filter.

If you don't know how to do it,
or where it is,

ask the guy
at the bus stop.

That's me.

Burn.

All right, well, I bet
this is the air filter.

No, no. Don't just start
pulling on stuff.

You'll break it.
- Oh, okay.

Well, why don't we just
do your process?

Cotton balls, unicorns,
fishing pole.

Stay out of my head.

You been watching these guys,
huh?

Last week,
- they were staring at an oven.

And now,
- they're staring at a lawn mower.

You're a genius.

I'm better than that.
I'm Geppetto.

To me,
everybody's a puppet.

And Geppetto
had a lot of free time.

He didn't have
a hot wife.

I'm kind of proud
of these knuckleheads.

You know,
- I still think you're wrong.

Competition
is not the way to go.

Well then, why are you still
trying to win this argument?

Whoa. Uh-oh.

Puppet fight.

That's not a puppet fight.

That's two guys trapped in a car
with a bumblebee.

Just -- give it to me.

Ryan: Oh!
- [ Crash ]

That is a puppet fight.

I just can't believe those
two guys got into a fight.

Ugh.
- [ Laughs ]

I mean,
were there fisticuffs?

More like slap-ticuffs.

"You stop it!"

Wait. And they're still
not talking to each other?

What kind of guys

punch each other out
and stay mad?

I don't know.

I did my job.

I set them against each other.
Mm.

That's a good idea, Mike.

You know, competition's
a great motivator.

Hmm.

That is certainly

the philosophy
of the Marine Corps.

"Private Jenkins
can run 10 miles

with Private Murphy
on his back.

What's your problem,
Larabee?"

Well, did you want
to carry Murphy?

Anybody could carry Murphy.

Murphy weighed
a buck-twenty.

I had to carry
Fat-Ass McGee.

Ohh.

[ Both laugh ]

Oh, it couldn't have been worse
than my Army days.

You were --
You were a file clerk.

You say that
like it was easy.

Mm.
- No, no.

It was a different times,
my friend.

Yeah.

We didn't have
a fancy fax machine,

a cute copier.

The carbon --

The carbon never goes away,
you know?

But you wouldn't know
what I'm talking about,

would you,
Mr. Pink Fingers?

Well,
the military understands

that, uh,
getting guys to fight

ultimately brings them closer together.
- Mm.

And my dad knew that.
He did that with Jimmy and I.

Who's Jimmy?

Jimmy.

My kid brother, Jimmy.

I talk about him all the time?
- No, you don't.

That's why I said,
"who's Jimmy?"

Okay, look, look.

The problem is that
Kyle and Ryan

don't know how a family
is supposed to work.

I mean,
- Kyle's dad was a no-show.

Ryan's dad was a horror show.
[ Chuckles ]

Compared to those guys,
even you look good, huh?

[ Laughs ]

How would you like me
to show you a pink finger?

So, what are
you gonna do?

Well, I've been teaching them
how to be handymen.

Maybe I should teach them
how to be brothers.

Brothers, yeah.

You never forget
your Army brothers, huh?

Yeah.

One of mine
- was a little Italian guy.

He could crank
that mimeo machine

all day long,
all day long.

When they invented
the fax machine,

he drank himself
to death.

♪♪

[ Knock on door ]

Hey, I got your text.

What's up?
[ Chuckles nervously ]

Is everything okay?

Hello. You look well.

I made coffee.

I'll take that as a no.

Oh, um...

...we need to talk.

Is this about
the "I love you" thing?

Th-That wasn't even
my idea.

My -- my brother told me
to say it.

Huh?

Yeah.
- He said girls like that stuff.

[ Chuckles ]
Not this girl.

I blew it, didn't I?

Ugh, I'm such an idiot!

No. Re-Relax. Relax.

You didn't blow it.

You did walk
right up to the edge,

but it's...

Can I take it back?

Wait. Why?

Did you mean it
or didn't you?

I have no idea
how to answer that.

Love is hard, right?

I mean,
I'm not saying I love you.

I'm not saying that I don't.

I have no idea
- how to end this sentence.

Can -- Can we just ignore

everything
that happened before?

Yes. Deal.

And if you don't
listen to your brother,

I'm not gonna
listen to my sisters.

Well, I think your sisters
are great.

The feeling's not mutual.

♪♪

All right, guys, uh, sit --

sit down for a second.

I want
my measuring cups back.

Yeah, well,
- I want this patch of hair back.

Butthead.
- Douche canoe.

Well, it's good to see
you guys are still talking.

[ Scoffs ] Mike, why did
you even bring us here?

Look, I don't know
what you're planning,

but you can just forget it,
all right?

Your mind games
are not gonna work on us.

No games, no tricks,
no nothing.

Consider this
your graduation.

What's all this for?

Well, I thought
- you guys would celebrate

by making
a nice bundt cake.

Okay, I get it.

By having us do
something that we love,

it'll put our relationship
back together.

That's crazy.

Mr. B. would never do that.

That's exactly
what I'm doing.

Plus,
and most importantly,

I like bundt cakes.

You know what?

It's not gonna work,
because those days are over.

No, they're not.
- Those days are just beginning.

You're brothers now.

You're kind of
stuck with each other.

My brothers
glued me to a dog once.

I feel bad for that dog.

You have terrible brothers.

It's not your fault.

But this family's different.

We fight each other,

but ultimately,
we fight for each other.

If there's one thing
to learn from me,

it's at least that.

I do like
the new bundt pan.

Well, if you do decide
to bake the bundt cake,

coat the inside of the pan
with clarified butter.

You'll be thanking me
at clean-up time.

I'm sorry, Kyle.

I am not gonna let him

manipulate me
- into making up with you.

Yeah. Me, either.

Although, it...

it would be nice
- to finally have a brother

I could count on.

Yeah.

Damn it!

How does he always do this?

So, does this mean
we're gonna bake?

Absolutely.
- All right!

Hey.

So, uh -- so, how'd it go?

Well, you know how things
work around here --

things break, I fix 'em.

You know the bathroom door
still doesn't shut?

I know. I'll call Kris.
She'll take care of it.

Hey, Jimmy. It's me.

I was --

No. Dad's not dead.
He's all right.

Just wanted
to talk to my kid brother.

Yeah. That's it.

So, big question --

Are you still a dumbass?

Hey.
- Hey.

Want a piece
of bundt cake?

Bundt yeah.

So, uh, Evie,

a little birdie told me
you're looking for love advice.

Oh, damn it.
- I knew the cake was a trap.

All right,
you got six bites.

All right.

When I was in college,

I met a handsome guy
who wrote me love poems,

brought me wildflowers,

and he didn't say
"I love you."

He wrote it with rocks.

You know, because -- because I love rocks.
- Mm.

That doesn't sound like Dad.

It wasn't.

That was Jeff.

He tried too hard.

But he had a friend

who was a ruggedly-handsome guy,
outdoorsy type,

who was really
into politics.

Dad?

No.

Craig.

He's in jail now, so...

But he knew
a crazy Michigan fan

who came
to an Ohio State game,

and he was the letter "G"

in the lineup of
shirtless, drunk guys.

And that was your father.

I'm not really getting
the advice here, Mom.

Yeah, I thought
- it would come to me, but...

Oh, hey, you know what?

I had 20 bucks on my desk.

Have you seen it?