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1
00:00:02,269 --> 00:00:05,804
18 sheets of drywall just
sitting on the street.
2
00:00:05,806 --> 00:00:07,005
And now they're mine.
3
00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:09,942
I think I'm gonna build
a recording studio.
4
00:00:09,944 --> 00:00:11,409
Anyway, what's new with you?
5
00:00:11,411 --> 00:00:15,747
Well, I recently came into
some big meerkat facts.
6
00:00:15,769 --> 00:00:19,571
Did you know meerkats
are more than mere cats?
7
00:00:19,573 --> 00:00:21,172
That's not a fact, it's a joke
8
00:00:21,174 --> 00:00:24,042
from your latest issue of
National Geographic Teen.
9
00:00:24,044 --> 00:00:25,377
And you already told it to me.
10
00:00:25,379 --> 00:00:26,778
- I did?
- Yes.
11
00:00:26,780 --> 00:00:28,847
Tell me something new with you.
12
00:00:28,849 --> 00:00:30,182
Uh...
13
00:00:30,184 --> 00:00:32,851
Oh. I got laid last night.
14
00:00:32,853 --> 00:00:36,254
And it was the best sex of my life.
15
00:00:36,256 --> 00:00:37,655
I was there.
16
00:00:37,657 --> 00:00:39,924
But I agree. I really outdid myself.
17
00:00:39,926 --> 00:00:42,394
Surely you've done something
I don't know about.
18
00:00:42,396 --> 00:00:44,528
A moth laid eggs in my ear.
19
00:00:44,530 --> 00:00:46,598
You showed me. Anything else?
20
00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:48,600
Hmm...
21
00:00:48,602 --> 00:00:52,336
Oh, I heard about 18 sheets of drywall
22
00:00:52,338 --> 00:00:53,738
just sitting on the street.
23
00:00:53,740 --> 00:00:55,207
You heard that from me.
24
00:00:55,384 --> 00:00:58,009
Couldn't help eavesdropping.
25
00:00:58,011 --> 00:01:00,144
I'm also on a crappy date.
26
00:01:00,146 --> 00:01:02,947
Oh, stop frowning.
We're still gonna smush.
27
00:01:02,949 --> 00:01:05,817
Anyway, listen, a relationship,
like all living things,
28
00:01:05,819 --> 00:01:09,353
is precious and...
and needs room to breathe.
29
00:01:09,355 --> 00:01:12,023
But being around each other
all the time is like...
30
00:01:12,025 --> 00:01:13,892
Well, it's like only breathing in.
31
00:01:13,894 --> 00:01:15,359
And that's impossible.
32
00:01:15,361 --> 00:01:17,629
Are you sure, Mr. R?
33
00:01:23,437 --> 00:01:25,169
He's absolutely right.
34
00:01:25,171 --> 00:01:26,638
Please continue with your metaphor.
35
00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:28,773
What you two need is breathing room,
36
00:01:28,775 --> 00:01:31,375
some space to get a little mystery back.
37
00:01:31,377 --> 00:01:32,577
Some space?
38
00:01:32,579 --> 00:01:33,845
Is that what you want, babe?
39
00:01:33,847 --> 00:01:36,248
I think that will be good for us.
40
00:01:38,384 --> 00:01:39,784
Just spit it out.
41
00:01:39,786 --> 00:01:41,786
That potato was a turnip.
42
00:01:41,788 --> 00:01:44,823
Let's go, babe. It's smush o'clock.
43
00:01:48,328 --> 00:01:51,228
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
44
00:01:51,263 --> 00:01:54,466
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
45
00:01:54,468 --> 00:01:57,469
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
46
00:01:57,471 --> 00:02:02,140
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
47
00:02:04,010 --> 00:02:07,345
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
48
00:02:07,347 --> 00:02:09,948
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
49
00:02:09,950 --> 00:02:10,982
Aah!
50
00:02:12,286 --> 00:02:15,720
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
51
00:02:18,024 --> 00:02:20,292
I don't want to go in alone.
52
00:02:20,294 --> 00:02:22,894
You gotta go alone so
you can make a friend.
53
00:02:22,896 --> 00:02:26,230
A friend is the first step to
giving us that space we need.
54
00:02:26,232 --> 00:02:28,900
But my friends always
just disappear anyway.
55
00:02:28,902 --> 00:02:31,836
Not all of them, what about, uh...
56
00:02:31,838 --> 00:02:32,971
Todd Whatshisnuts?
57
00:02:32,973 --> 00:02:34,706
Ted Whatshisnuts.
58
00:02:34,708 --> 00:02:37,109
He turned into a ghost
just like the rest.
59
00:02:37,111 --> 00:02:39,978
We've been over this.
The term is "ghosted."
60
00:02:39,980 --> 00:02:41,779
Your friends ghosted you.
61
00:02:41,781 --> 00:02:44,216
Still sounds spooky.
62
00:02:47,854 --> 00:02:50,855
Do you believe in
friendship at first sight
63
00:02:50,857 --> 00:02:52,857
or should I walk by again?
64
00:02:53,338 --> 00:02:55,126
Bro, that's a good one.
65
00:02:55,128 --> 00:02:56,661
But I'm already spoken for.
66
00:02:56,663 --> 00:02:58,196
My friendship bracelet.
67
00:02:58,198 --> 00:02:59,864
Bro, this bro brahthering you
68
00:02:59,866 --> 00:03:03,168
about your brotiful
friendship brocelet, bro?
69
00:03:07,541 --> 00:03:09,140
A playground?
70
00:03:09,142 --> 00:03:13,145
I dunno, babe,
those metal slides look really hot.
71
00:03:13,147 --> 00:03:15,413
I read on yahoo that
single dads at the park
72
00:03:15,415 --> 00:03:18,750
are lonely as hell and
dying to make friends.
73
00:03:19,553 --> 00:03:20,818
Which one's yours?
74
00:03:20,820 --> 00:03:22,220
Oh I don't have a kid.
75
00:03:22,222 --> 00:03:24,889
But I'd love to see more of yours
76
00:03:24,891 --> 00:03:27,092
if we start hanging out.
77
00:03:30,496 --> 00:03:33,231
No one in here even
wants to be my friend.
78
00:03:33,233 --> 00:03:35,967
All they want to talk
about is this race war
79
00:03:35,969 --> 00:03:37,769
that I guess is coming.
80
00:03:37,771 --> 00:03:39,971
Did you know about this?
81
00:03:42,175 --> 00:03:43,908
The unthinkable has happened.
82
00:03:43,910 --> 00:03:46,911
The Guinness record holder for
the world's longest fingernails
83
00:03:46,913 --> 00:03:48,913
died today when the hot air balloon
84
00:03:48,915 --> 00:03:50,514
he was riding in was punctured after
85
00:03:50,516 --> 00:03:52,984
he flashed the peace
sign to gawkers below.
86
00:03:52,986 --> 00:03:55,253
Gee, Mom, your nails are pretty long,
87
00:03:55,255 --> 00:03:57,789
maybe you could be the next
long-nail Guinness freak.
88
00:03:57,791 --> 00:04:00,258
I have always wanted to be remembered
89
00:04:00,260 --> 00:04:01,926
in the anals of history.
90
00:04:01,928 --> 00:04:03,928
And you've always wanted to be a freak.
91
00:04:03,930 --> 00:04:07,531
I'm gonna combine my two life goals.
92
00:04:07,533 --> 00:04:09,467
In business news,
Exxon is set to develop
93
00:04:09,469 --> 00:04:11,870
a gasoline-powered electric chair.
94
00:04:12,713 --> 00:04:15,207
I stockpiled prenatal vitamins
95
00:04:15,209 --> 00:04:18,342
when I was pregnant with Steve,
but I forgot to take them.
96
00:04:18,344 --> 00:04:20,812
Steve, that's why
you have brittle bones.
97
00:04:20,814 --> 00:04:25,083
They make hair and
nails grow crazy fast.
98
00:04:27,754 --> 00:04:29,221
Go, Mom, go!
99
00:04:29,223 --> 00:04:30,322
Aah-ha-ha!
100
00:04:33,927 --> 00:04:35,393
You got off to a rocky start,
101
00:04:35,395 --> 00:04:37,796
but I have a good feeling about today.
102
00:04:37,798 --> 00:04:40,365
You. Dodgeball. Make friend.
103
00:04:43,937 --> 00:04:45,347
Watch where you're going, jerk.
104
00:04:45,382 --> 00:04:47,138
I'm no jerk. I'm pretty nice.
105
00:04:47,140 --> 00:04:49,274
I'm sorry,
I'm just tense because my wife's
106
00:04:49,276 --> 00:04:51,342
making me play dodgeball
to make friends.
107
00:04:51,344 --> 00:04:52,677
But I don't wanna make friends.
108
00:04:52,679 --> 00:04:54,745
Me neither. These wives.
109
00:04:54,747 --> 00:04:56,681
I'd rather be watching meerkats.
110
00:04:56,683 --> 00:04:58,082
I love meerkats.
111
00:04:58,084 --> 00:05:00,351
Did you know that a group
of meerkats is called a mob?
112
00:05:00,353 --> 00:05:03,288
That explains my stupid favorite shirt.
113
00:05:06,293 --> 00:05:08,493
Would you want to ditch
this dodgeball game
114
00:05:08,495 --> 00:05:10,495
and go not be friends together?
115
00:05:10,497 --> 00:05:13,364
Uh, are meerkats immune
to most types of venom?
116
00:05:13,366 --> 00:05:14,899
- Are they?
- Yeah they are.
117
00:05:14,901 --> 00:05:17,035
Oh, no way.
118
00:05:17,037 --> 00:05:21,039
♪ Thank you for being a friend ♪
119
00:05:21,041 --> 00:05:25,109
♪ Travel down the
road and back again ♪
120
00:05:25,111 --> 00:05:26,911
♪ Your heart is true ♪
121
00:05:26,913 --> 00:05:31,249
♪ You're a pal and a confidant ♪
122
00:05:32,252 --> 00:05:35,386
♪ And if you threw a party ♪
123
00:05:35,388 --> 00:05:38,723
♪ Invited everyone you knew ♪
124
00:05:38,725 --> 00:05:42,460
Say, "we love Wild Willie's
wild wild west photography."
125
00:05:42,462 --> 00:05:44,663
Can we say "best friends"?
126
00:05:44,665 --> 00:05:45,930
Three best friends?
127
00:05:45,932 --> 00:05:47,465
- No.
- Aw!
128
00:05:47,467 --> 00:05:48,933
- Two best friends!
- Two best friends!
129
00:05:48,935 --> 00:05:53,004
♪ Friend ♪
130
00:05:53,006 --> 00:05:56,274
And my favorite dollar
store is right next to
131
00:05:56,276 --> 00:05:59,744
the wild west photo place,
so we got chicharrones.
132
00:05:59,746 --> 00:06:01,812
Colby likes 'em, too.
133
00:06:01,814 --> 00:06:03,481
Colby sounds heaven-sent, babe.
134
00:06:03,483 --> 00:06:05,816
Plus, I'm lovin' these fresh stories.
135
00:06:06,789 --> 00:06:08,419
Uhp, our weed delivery's here.
136
00:06:08,421 --> 00:06:10,489
Go, go, go! That's important!
137
00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:23,167
This isn't for weed.
It's for hanging out with Jeff.
138
00:06:23,169 --> 00:06:24,969
I can spend it on weed, though, right?
139
00:06:25,296 --> 00:06:26,637
If you're cool.
140
00:06:26,639 --> 00:06:28,172
Well, I am cool.
141
00:06:28,174 --> 00:06:29,708
That's why I can't do this anymore.
142
00:06:29,710 --> 00:06:31,910
But why? It's working.
143
00:06:31,912 --> 00:06:34,445
He's got all these great
new boring stories.
144
00:06:34,447 --> 00:06:36,180
There's something off about Jeff.
145
00:06:36,182 --> 00:06:37,382
Yesterday, he asked me why
146
00:06:37,384 --> 00:06:39,317
humans aren't born wearing shoes.
147
00:06:39,319 --> 00:06:41,386
That's not a normal dumb thing to say.
148
00:06:41,388 --> 00:06:43,054
That's something a psychopath
149
00:06:43,056 --> 00:06:45,056
who's pretending to be dumb would say.
150
00:06:45,058 --> 00:06:46,391
Look, if you want more,
I'll even throw in
151
00:06:46,393 --> 00:06:48,193
a fully punched sub hub card.
152
00:06:48,195 --> 00:06:50,995
Just make sure you use it
at the one in Chimdale.
153
00:06:50,997 --> 00:06:52,197
I don't need the headache
154
00:06:52,199 --> 00:06:54,399
of trying to process
one of these things.
155
00:06:58,071 --> 00:06:59,137
Why are you so sweaty?
156
00:06:59,139 --> 00:07:01,339
Klaus just smoked me in one-on-one.
157
00:07:01,341 --> 00:07:03,074
I really don't want to
talk about it right now.
158
00:07:03,076 --> 00:07:04,543
Or ever again.
159
00:07:04,545 --> 00:07:07,878
- Hey, my first "around the world."
- Shut up!
160
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:11,750
Lucky Klaus getting so
lucky on every shot.
161
00:07:11,752 --> 00:07:13,618
Oh, Colby texted an hour ago.
162
00:07:13,620 --> 00:07:16,487
"Jeff's too creepy.
Ending things today."
163
00:07:16,489 --> 00:07:18,089
Damn it. We had an agreement.
164
00:07:18,091 --> 00:07:22,827
What happened to honor among
clandestine co-conspirators?
165
00:07:22,829 --> 00:07:25,764
Hey. Jeff. Sweet, sweet baby.
166
00:07:25,766 --> 00:07:27,098
How was Colby?
167
00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:28,600
Leave me alone.
168
00:07:31,572 --> 00:07:33,304
- Hello.
- Alright Colby, give me one reason
169
00:07:33,306 --> 00:07:34,839
I shouldn't pound your
face into the ground.
170
00:07:34,841 --> 00:07:37,576
'Cause that would be
assaulting a police officer.
171
00:07:37,578 --> 00:07:39,844
Police? I thought I called Colby.
172
00:07:39,846 --> 00:07:41,112
You did.
173
00:07:41,114 --> 00:07:42,313
But Colby can't come to the phone
174
00:07:42,315 --> 00:07:44,783
because he's been so murdered.
175
00:07:44,785 --> 00:07:47,185
What? He was just with Jeff.
176
00:07:47,187 --> 00:07:48,386
Well I don't know who Jeff is,
177
00:07:48,388 --> 00:07:50,388
but, hopefully, he's not the killer.
178
00:07:50,390 --> 00:07:52,591
Oh, God, what have I done?
179
00:07:52,593 --> 00:07:55,594
Yeah, hopefully not.
180
00:07:55,596 --> 00:07:57,796
Yeah, hopefully not.
181
00:08:04,238 --> 00:08:06,238
You're sure Colby was murdered?
182
00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:08,106
Yep, definitely murdered.
183
00:08:08,108 --> 00:08:10,575
Hey, Blatt, look. I'm the dead guy.
184
00:08:10,577 --> 00:08:12,077
Bleh.
185
00:08:12,979 --> 00:08:14,045
Jeff?
186
00:08:14,047 --> 00:08:16,448
We need to talk about Colby.
187
00:08:17,851 --> 00:08:19,584
Uh, Colby?
188
00:08:19,586 --> 00:08:20,652
He just texted me.
189
00:08:20,654 --> 00:08:23,121
- Just texted you?
- Yeah, just now,
190
00:08:23,123 --> 00:08:26,124
'cause our friendship is
normal and still happening.
191
00:08:26,126 --> 00:08:28,526
Off to do friend stuff.
192
00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:32,597
Hayley, you look concerned,
and it's concerning me.
193
00:08:32,599 --> 00:08:35,399
But is it concerning me,
the reason you're concerned?
194
00:08:35,401 --> 00:08:36,534
Shut up.
195
00:08:36,536 --> 00:08:37,869
I need to say something out loud
196
00:08:37,871 --> 00:08:39,471
just to hear how crazy it sounds.
197
00:08:39,473 --> 00:08:41,339
Could Jeff be a murderer?
198
00:08:41,341 --> 00:08:43,407
A murderer? I don't see it.
199
00:08:43,409 --> 00:08:45,944
But we should probably ask an expert.
200
00:08:45,946 --> 00:08:48,079
Ugh, couldn't find my dang wig.
201
00:08:48,081 --> 00:08:51,349
Name's Hollander Hollandaise,
mindhunter...
202
00:08:51,351 --> 00:08:53,952
professional profiler
of serial killers...
203
00:08:53,954 --> 00:08:54,954
like Jeff.
204
00:08:54,955 --> 00:08:56,754
Jeff's not a serial killer.
205
00:08:56,756 --> 00:08:58,156
Oh, really?
206
00:08:58,158 --> 00:09:00,224
What happened to the friends
he's had over the years?
207
00:09:00,226 --> 00:09:03,227
He said they turned into ghosts.
208
00:09:03,229 --> 00:09:04,496
That's basically a confession.
209
00:09:04,498 --> 00:09:06,898
He meant "ghosted."
Jeff's just bad at words.
210
00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:10,168
Counterpoint...
people close to cold-blooded killers
211
00:09:10,170 --> 00:09:12,637
are often the last to know...
ugh, I can't.
212
00:09:12,639 --> 00:09:15,640
I see your eyes drifting
up to my wigless head.
213
00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:17,709
You realize, of course,
this isn't the wig
214
00:09:17,711 --> 00:09:19,177
that goes with the costume,
215
00:09:19,179 --> 00:09:20,512
but let's just try to make it work.
216
00:09:20,514 --> 00:09:23,715
Rogu is conspicuously not
responding to my texts
217
00:09:23,717 --> 00:09:25,117
about the wig emergency.
218
00:09:25,919 --> 00:09:27,519
Wait, he's typing.
219
00:09:27,521 --> 00:09:28,786
No, he stopped.
220
00:09:28,788 --> 00:09:30,922
Gotta get your story straight,
huh, Rogu?
221
00:09:30,924 --> 00:09:32,790
Roger, please.
222
00:09:32,792 --> 00:09:37,329
Exhibit "A"...
Jeff uses nicknames such as "Mr. S."
223
00:09:37,331 --> 00:09:40,332
Or "babe" to decouple people
from their humanity.
224
00:09:40,334 --> 00:09:43,601
Then he decouples their
heads from their bodies.
225
00:09:43,603 --> 00:09:46,538
Exhibit "B"... Jeff's dumb-guy act.
226
00:09:46,540 --> 00:09:49,607
Clearly a cover for the
friend-annihilator within.
227
00:09:49,609 --> 00:09:52,276
- Objection!
- This isn't a court. Overruled.
228
00:09:52,278 --> 00:09:54,212
But I forced Jeff to get a friend.
229
00:09:54,214 --> 00:09:55,680
He didn't even want one.
230
00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:58,750
Exhibit "C"...
he's resisting having a friend
231
00:09:58,752 --> 00:10:00,618
because he doesn't want to be tempted.
232
00:10:00,620 --> 00:10:03,087
Same reason I don't
go to Hometown Buffet.
233
00:10:03,089 --> 00:10:08,760
Oh boy, Hayley,
I wish you hadn't said Hometown Buffet.
234
00:10:08,762 --> 00:10:10,228
Hayley, be honest.
235
00:10:10,230 --> 00:10:11,696
Did you hear it when I farted
236
00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,698
the entire car ride back
from the restaurant?
237
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:16,901
Look, I know everything
there is to know about Jeff.
238
00:10:16,903 --> 00:10:18,102
He is not a killer.
239
00:10:18,104 --> 00:10:19,237
Yeah, you're probably right.
240
00:10:19,239 --> 00:10:20,905
I'm sure there's a
reasonable explanation
241
00:10:20,907 --> 00:10:22,040
for why Jeff's outside,
242
00:10:22,042 --> 00:10:24,276
burning his blood-covered clothes.
243
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:27,511
Oh, my God.
244
00:10:27,513 --> 00:10:29,581
I know. This one doesn't work either.
245
00:10:29,583 --> 00:10:32,350
Why won't Rogu answer my texts?
246
00:10:34,588 --> 00:10:36,721
Now add the oregano.
247
00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:38,256
Now I'll stir.
248
00:10:39,793 --> 00:10:41,525
Whoa.
249
00:10:41,527 --> 00:10:43,795
Talk about nailing the assignment.
250
00:10:43,797 --> 00:10:45,063
Right?
251
00:10:45,065 --> 00:10:47,399
Hey, you want to try some sauce?
252
00:10:47,401 --> 00:10:49,835
Ah-ah-ah. Stay right there.
253
00:10:54,140 --> 00:10:56,208
Hm. Not bad, Mom.
254
00:10:56,210 --> 00:10:58,410
Unlike the news I have for you...
255
00:10:58,412 --> 00:11:00,812
Guinness moved the
qualifiers to next week.
256
00:11:00,814 --> 00:11:02,480
You'll have to wait
for next year's book.
257
00:11:02,482 --> 00:11:04,949
Screw that. I'm not waiting until
258
00:11:04,951 --> 00:11:06,885
two-thousand...
259
00:11:06,887 --> 00:11:10,555
I'm gonna find a way to
get into this year's book.
260
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:15,760
Something wrong, babe?
261
00:11:15,762 --> 00:11:17,429
You're pretty quiet tonight.
262
00:11:17,431 --> 00:11:19,297
What? No. I was just thinking about
263
00:11:19,299 --> 00:11:22,100
how I know you're a good person inside.
264
00:11:22,102 --> 00:11:23,567
Speaking of inside,
265
00:11:23,569 --> 00:11:26,370
how come outside you're
wearing a new shirt?
266
00:11:26,372 --> 00:11:28,106
What happened to old shirt?
267
00:11:28,108 --> 00:11:30,708
It became... unacceptable.
268
00:11:30,710 --> 00:11:32,777
Oh, my. That's a strange answer.
269
00:11:33,580 --> 00:11:35,847
Hi. I'm Janice, taking over for Brenda.
270
00:11:35,849 --> 00:11:38,116
She had a big bite of one
of the meats and choked.
271
00:11:38,118 --> 00:11:39,717
Who's ready for some lamb picanha?
272
00:11:39,719 --> 00:11:41,920
I am, waitress server lady.
273
00:11:41,922 --> 00:11:43,721
Uses nicknames.
274
00:11:43,723 --> 00:11:46,324
Decouples people from their humanity.
275
00:11:48,462 --> 00:11:50,495
Can I give you a hand?
276
00:11:55,869 --> 00:11:57,335
That's alarming
277
00:11:57,337 --> 00:11:59,337
but also kind of sexy?
278
00:11:59,339 --> 00:12:01,205
Uh-oh, you're getting turned on.
279
00:12:01,207 --> 00:12:04,276
It's a classic pitfall of
knowing a serial killer.
280
00:12:04,278 --> 00:12:05,610
Danger is sexy.
281
00:12:05,612 --> 00:12:07,879
Roger, are you talking
to me via telepathy?
282
00:12:07,881 --> 00:12:09,681
No, this is just from your memory.
283
00:12:09,683 --> 00:12:12,083
But do you know where
the Xbox controller is?
284
00:12:12,085 --> 00:12:13,952
You know what, I'll just call you.
285
00:12:15,952 --> 00:12:17,089
Fine. Don't pick up.
286
00:12:17,091 --> 00:12:20,092
But I can tell you're starting
to want to bang your husband.
287
00:12:20,094 --> 00:12:21,493
I would never.
288
00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:25,763
Wow, you truly are the master of meats.
289
00:12:25,765 --> 00:12:27,765
Gross, babe.
290
00:12:27,767 --> 00:12:29,100
Where are you going?
291
00:12:29,102 --> 00:12:31,269
Wouldn't you like to know?
292
00:12:32,572 --> 00:12:33,771
- Hayley.
- Oh, my God!
293
00:12:33,773 --> 00:12:35,373
Oh, please. You were listening to me
294
00:12:35,375 --> 00:12:37,309
as much as I was listening to you.
295
00:12:37,311 --> 00:12:38,977
And plus you... you broke
296
00:12:38,979 --> 00:12:41,313
the first three rules of mindhunting...
297
00:12:41,315 --> 00:12:43,315
Don't. [BLEEP] The killer.
298
00:12:43,317 --> 00:12:45,317
Come on, Jeff is not a killer.
299
00:12:45,319 --> 00:12:47,719
Then what's this I found under the bed?
300
00:12:47,721 --> 00:12:51,055
A box of my old Garbage Pail Kids?
301
00:12:51,057 --> 00:12:52,924
Oh, my God, I love these.
302
00:12:52,926 --> 00:12:55,059
I'll grab mine. We'll do some trades.
303
00:12:55,061 --> 00:12:57,329
But first, I mean these.
304
00:12:57,331 --> 00:13:00,064
These are Jeff's old friends.
305
00:13:00,066 --> 00:13:02,400
With x's on their faces?
306
00:13:02,402 --> 00:13:04,536
Houston, we have a Dahmer.
307
00:13:04,538 --> 00:13:06,804
Franci-ine.
308
00:13:06,806 --> 00:13:09,607
I'm feeling sexual. Uh...
309
00:13:09,609 --> 00:13:12,677
Dr. Kalgary souped up
this dialysis machine
310
00:13:12,679 --> 00:13:15,013
so I can mainline prenatals.
311
00:13:15,015 --> 00:13:16,280
Wonderful.
312
00:13:16,282 --> 00:13:18,082
Hear that crackling?
313
00:13:18,084 --> 00:13:19,817
That's my nails growing.
314
00:13:19,819 --> 00:13:23,287
Now come to mama in her special chair.
315
00:13:23,289 --> 00:13:25,423
Oh, unfortunately, I just remembered
316
00:13:25,425 --> 00:13:27,726
I have to smell ya later.
317
00:13:31,598 --> 00:13:33,098
_
318
00:13:33,684 --> 00:13:35,033
Ted Whatshisnuts.
319
00:13:35,035 --> 00:13:38,370
More like dead Whatshisnuts, am I right?
320
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:42,707
They're all dead or missing.
321
00:13:42,709 --> 00:13:45,443
So Jeff's officially a serial killer.
322
00:13:45,445 --> 00:13:46,445
Hooray!
323
00:13:46,446 --> 00:13:48,580
But it just can't be Jeff.
324
00:13:48,582 --> 00:13:50,782
There has to be another explanation.
325
00:13:50,784 --> 00:13:53,451
You could pay the Western
Portrait shop a visit.
326
00:13:53,453 --> 00:13:54,919
Jeff takes all his victims there,
327
00:13:54,921 --> 00:13:56,854
so it's likely rich with meaning.
328
00:13:56,856 --> 00:13:59,057
I'd go with you,
but I'm strictly behind the scenes
329
00:13:59,059 --> 00:14:00,625
until I find the right wig.
330
00:14:02,929 --> 00:14:05,463
I wish I had something to tell you,
331
00:14:05,465 --> 00:14:07,665
other than I appreciate
his repeat business.
332
00:14:07,667 --> 00:14:08,867
Do you mind if I have a look around?
333
00:14:08,869 --> 00:14:11,002
Be my guest. Why don't I join you,
334
00:14:11,004 --> 00:14:13,738
looking around separately
in a different area?
335
00:14:13,740 --> 00:14:16,875
Jeff, my future best bud.
336
00:14:16,877 --> 00:14:19,211
I was hoping your wife
would really like me.
337
00:14:19,213 --> 00:14:23,281
But it looks like she knows
my embarrassing secret...
338
00:14:23,283 --> 00:14:25,617
I'm a crazy murderer.
339
00:14:25,619 --> 00:14:27,285
Yeah, I've been killing
your friends for years
340
00:14:27,287 --> 00:14:29,754
so I could be your one and only.
341
00:14:29,756 --> 00:14:32,591
And guess what?
I'm about to do it again.
342
00:14:34,513 --> 00:14:36,560
Pick up, pick up,
pick up, pick up. Hayley, pick up.
343
00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:39,964
Hayley. You're in danger.
344
00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:42,033
Of not hearing about my new wig.
345
00:14:42,035 --> 00:14:44,769
It's a big,
brown beaut like they used to make.
346
00:14:52,512 --> 00:14:55,046
Oh, my God. W-Willie's the killer.
347
00:14:56,850 --> 00:14:59,651
You ducked? That's not very sporting.
348
00:15:02,564 --> 00:15:04,789
Aah!
349
00:15:04,791 --> 00:15:06,324
Babe!
350
00:15:07,527 --> 00:15:10,128
Oh, he's so gentle with her.
351
00:15:10,130 --> 00:15:11,796
What a nice guy.
352
00:15:11,798 --> 00:15:14,499
I'm killing for all the right reasons.
353
00:15:15,602 --> 00:15:17,201
Babe, are you okay?
354
00:15:17,203 --> 00:15:18,804
I'm fine, but, um...
355
00:15:22,276 --> 00:15:24,676
- Who are you?
- I'm babe.
356
00:15:24,678 --> 00:15:27,679
Oh. And who am I?
357
00:15:27,681 --> 00:15:29,413
You don't remember who you are?
358
00:15:29,415 --> 00:15:31,683
I don't remember... anything.
359
00:15:31,685 --> 00:15:33,952
Not even the shrine or the altar?
360
00:15:33,954 --> 00:15:36,154
Is that the photo-shop guy?
361
00:15:36,156 --> 00:15:37,421
I have no idea.
362
00:15:37,423 --> 00:15:39,691
What about now? Who am I now?
363
00:15:39,693 --> 00:15:43,227
Muzza vabuzza gabuzza. Huh?
364
00:15:43,229 --> 00:15:45,363
Gob gob gaboo. Huh?
365
00:15:45,365 --> 00:15:46,898
Come on.
366
00:15:47,767 --> 00:15:51,035
It's Merlin Brando, "The Godfather."
367
00:15:51,037 --> 00:15:52,103
Jesus.
368
00:15:52,105 --> 00:15:53,905
Could I make it any more obvious?
369
00:15:53,907 --> 00:15:56,775
- Sorry.
- Whatever. Let's just go.
370
00:16:00,247 --> 00:16:02,980
It appears Hayley has a full-blown case
371
00:16:02,982 --> 00:16:05,450
of "Muppets Take Manhattan"
style amnesia.
372
00:16:07,587 --> 00:16:10,388
She can't remember anything,
not even her name.
373
00:16:10,390 --> 00:16:12,790
Hayley, think fast. Oh, tragic.
374
00:16:12,792 --> 00:16:15,192
She's going to need to be
painstakingly reintroduced
375
00:16:15,194 --> 00:16:17,062
to every aspect of her old life.
376
00:16:17,064 --> 00:16:18,864
Sounds like a husband problem.
377
00:16:18,866 --> 00:16:21,599
- Me?
- No, not my husband.
378
00:16:21,601 --> 00:16:22,734
- You.
- Me?
379
00:16:22,736 --> 00:16:25,270
No, follow the finger, not the nail.
380
00:16:25,272 --> 00:16:28,740
- So you're... my mom?
- No.
381
00:16:28,742 --> 00:16:30,542
Well, technically, yes.
382
00:16:30,544 --> 00:16:32,343
But not right now.
383
00:16:32,345 --> 00:16:34,812
I'm busy.
384
00:16:35,410 --> 00:16:38,015
Wow, meerkats are so cute.
385
00:16:38,017 --> 00:16:40,217
Right? But did you know
386
00:16:40,219 --> 00:16:43,889
that they're more than just mere cats?
387
00:16:45,198 --> 00:16:47,024
That's so funny, babe.
388
00:16:47,264 --> 00:16:48,760
You called me "babe."
389
00:16:48,762 --> 00:16:51,228
- Isn't that your name?
- No, it's Jeff,
390
00:16:51,230 --> 00:16:54,031
but I like it when
you call me babe, babe.
391
00:16:54,033 --> 00:16:57,102
I like it when you "babe" me.
392
00:16:57,104 --> 00:16:58,303
Oh shoot.
393
00:16:58,305 --> 00:16:59,571
Aw, don't worry.
394
00:16:59,573 --> 00:17:01,706
I have a trick for
getting rid of stains.
395
00:17:01,708 --> 00:17:04,109
I don't know how to
work the washing machine
396
00:17:04,111 --> 00:17:06,778
so sometimes with extra-tough stains
397
00:17:06,780 --> 00:17:09,180
I'll just light my clothes on fire.
398
00:17:09,182 --> 00:17:10,182
Smart.
399
00:17:10,183 --> 00:17:11,849
But why'd you burn your clothes?
400
00:17:11,851 --> 00:17:14,452
I didn't want you to be
naked in the backyard
401
00:17:14,454 --> 00:17:15,787
all by yourself.
402
00:17:15,789 --> 00:17:18,055
Wow, you're really sweet.
403
00:17:18,057 --> 00:17:19,724
Just last week, I burned my clothes
404
00:17:19,726 --> 00:17:22,460
after I covered them in
ketchup at Burger King.
405
00:17:22,462 --> 00:17:25,530
I was upset because my
friend Colby told me
406
00:17:25,532 --> 00:17:28,266
he didn't want to be
friends with me anymore.
407
00:17:28,268 --> 00:17:30,602
- That sounds rough.
- The worst part is,
408
00:17:30,604 --> 00:17:32,537
I was too embarrassed to tell you
409
00:17:32,539 --> 00:17:34,405
because you wanted space.
410
00:17:34,407 --> 00:17:36,474
Why would anyone want space from you?
411
00:17:36,476 --> 00:17:37,542
You're the best.
412
00:17:37,544 --> 00:17:41,279
Sto-op. You're embarrassing me.
413
00:17:41,281 --> 00:17:43,881
These are all the friends
who stopped texting me back,
414
00:17:43,883 --> 00:17:47,485
so then I put x's on their faces
to remember not to bug them.
415
00:17:47,487 --> 00:17:49,220
Hm. That's really considerate.
416
00:17:49,222 --> 00:17:51,489
And these are all the family
who don't text me back.
417
00:17:51,491 --> 00:17:53,090
Even Steve? Yep.
418
00:17:53,092 --> 00:17:56,494
Sometimes I sorta wish
Klaus was x'd out, too.
419
00:17:56,496 --> 00:17:57,562
He can be a lot.
420
00:17:57,564 --> 00:17:59,631
Wait, there's no portrait of us.
421
00:17:59,633 --> 00:18:01,032
We gotta get one taken.
422
00:18:01,034 --> 00:18:04,035
Wow, your brain's healing so fast.
423
00:18:04,037 --> 00:18:06,905
You're already remembering
how to have fun.
424
00:18:06,906 --> 00:18:08,725
_
425
00:18:11,044 --> 00:18:12,109
Boom.
426
00:18:12,111 --> 00:18:14,179
I'm so sorry. That was pure instinct.
427
00:18:14,181 --> 00:18:16,047
I'm just naturally a mad defender.
428
00:18:16,049 --> 00:18:20,117
There are parts of me
that are 300 years old.
429
00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:23,120
But I'm young where it counts.
430
00:18:23,122 --> 00:18:27,925
Mm. These are baby caterpillars.
431
00:18:27,927 --> 00:18:29,527
So how you feeling, Mom?
432
00:18:29,529 --> 00:18:31,529
I got this in the bag.
433
00:18:31,531 --> 00:18:34,065
Hey, see that strongman lady?
434
00:18:34,067 --> 00:18:35,233
I'm gonna tickle her.
435
00:18:39,006 --> 00:18:41,206
Noooo!
436
00:18:42,676 --> 00:18:44,141
Stop laughing.
437
00:18:44,143 --> 00:18:47,545
I see something hidden in the hair.
438
00:18:47,547 --> 00:18:49,347
A gorgeous human horn.
439
00:18:49,349 --> 00:18:50,682
The prenatals.
440
00:18:50,684 --> 00:18:52,818
They made me grow a cutaneous horn.
441
00:18:52,820 --> 00:18:54,819
Look it up. It's a real thing.
442
00:18:54,821 --> 00:18:57,422
Madam,
you're going straight in our book.
443
00:18:57,423 --> 00:18:58,283
_
444
00:18:58,291 --> 00:19:01,359
I know, it's a corny joke,
but sex sells.
445
00:19:01,361 --> 00:19:02,894
You'd be surprised how many people
446
00:19:02,896 --> 00:19:04,729
use this book as porn.
447
00:19:08,902 --> 00:19:11,769
So, have you lovebirds been in before?
448
00:19:11,771 --> 00:19:13,504
Not me, but Jeff's been in a few times.
449
00:19:13,506 --> 00:19:16,441
What can I say?
I'm just a little cowboy.
450
00:19:16,443 --> 00:19:18,175
My little cowboy.
451
00:19:18,177 --> 00:19:20,712
- Sorry?
- Oh, just private mutterings.
452
00:19:25,118 --> 00:19:26,685
I'm remembering.
453
00:19:29,256 --> 00:19:30,989
Oh, no.
454
00:19:33,126 --> 00:19:34,126
Oh, God.
455
00:19:36,263 --> 00:19:37,729
Jeff, he's the killer.
456
00:19:37,731 --> 00:19:40,265
- He killed all your friends.
- Ah, phooey.
457
00:19:40,267 --> 00:19:42,333
Alright, time for more murder.
458
00:19:42,335 --> 00:19:44,069
Run, Jeff!
459
00:19:44,071 --> 00:19:46,004
I don't understand what's happening!
460
00:19:46,940 --> 00:19:48,606
Freeze, Willie.
461
00:19:48,608 --> 00:19:50,876
You know my name.
462
00:19:50,878 --> 00:19:53,010
Oh, you don't even have a gun.
463
00:19:53,012 --> 00:19:56,081
Jeff, "freeze"
is what people who have guns say.
464
00:19:56,083 --> 00:19:57,549
Sorry, I'm bad at words.
465
00:19:57,551 --> 00:20:00,818
But I'm good at attacking
you like a meerkat.
466
00:20:00,820 --> 00:20:03,154
Ca-ca-caw! Caw!
467
00:20:03,156 --> 00:20:06,091
Okay, here's the plan...
I shoot you in both knees,
468
00:20:06,093 --> 00:20:09,827
kill your wife,
and then visit you in the hospital.
469
00:20:09,829 --> 00:20:12,097
We'll get through this together,
as friends.
470
00:20:12,099 --> 00:20:15,233
I have a few problems with the plan.
471
00:20:15,235 --> 00:20:17,903
Now that my mindhunter look is complete,
472
00:20:17,905 --> 00:20:21,706
off to arrest and/or kill Jeff,
that murderer.
473
00:20:21,708 --> 00:20:24,175
Man, I gotta feel the wind in this baby.
474
00:20:24,177 --> 00:20:25,177
Aah!
475
00:20:26,513 --> 00:20:28,580
Someone stop that dog
with a wig in its mouth!
476
00:20:28,582 --> 00:20:29,847
It's from Europe!
477
00:20:29,849 --> 00:20:32,751
The wig, I mean. The dog looks local.
478
00:20:36,317 --> 00:20:38,490
Hey!
479
00:20:39,659 --> 00:20:42,460
So we agree...
no more space for a while?
480
00:20:42,462 --> 00:20:45,330
I'm gonna be right by your side, babe.
481
00:20:45,332 --> 00:20:48,133
Hey, your friends
didn't ghost you after all.
482
00:20:48,135 --> 00:20:50,201
They were just murdered by a maniac.
483
00:20:50,203 --> 00:20:51,603
Oh, yeah.
484
00:20:51,605 --> 00:20:53,605
It's a happy ending.
485
00:20:58,478 --> 00:21:00,245
Have a great night!
486
00:21:02,226 --> 00:21:03,995
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