All language subtitles for Last.Man.Standing.2011.S06E12.Three.Sisters.720p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-NTB

Mmm!

Dinner looks good.

So do you, but you're not
covered in barbecue sauce.

Although...

(laughs)

Oh.

Well, this is for
tomorrow night's potluck dinner

with the girls.

Tonight,
we are ordering in.

Well, that's just as good
as a home-cooked meal

made with love.

Well, sorry, but I want
tomorrow night to be special.

It's so rare that we have
just our girls here.

Well, you know what
they say about free food,

it's like "Field of Dreams" --
you cook it, and they will come.

Yeah, well,
with the boys here,

it's more like
"Animal House" -- food fight!

(chuckles)

Don't build on my movie thing,
it just hurts us both.

Hey.

Here's the food
you forced me and Kristin

to make for tomorrow.

Oh, thanks. It's so much more
fun when everyone contributes.

Not really.

So can I have $1,000?

Uh, I think you're
a little fuzzy

on the value of a casserole.

Honey, what do you
need $1,000 for?

I need some new recording
equipment to make a decent demo.

Singing into my smart phone
isn't really cutting it anymore.

When I was young, all we had
to sing into was a hairbrush.

I mean -- I mean, girls did.

Okay, so I've
thought about this,

and I thought you guys
could just take the money

out of my college fund since
I'm not using it anyway.

But you will use
that for college.

You know, like successful
musicians --

Lana Del Rey, Grimes,
Florida.

Flo Rida.

What?

(sighs)

When I'm a star,
I won't need my college fund.

You guys can just spend it
on magazines or something.

That money is for college.

Period.

Or try this -- that money is
for college. Question mark.

Not a chance. Hedera.

And that is a punctuation mark
that you don't know about

because you never
went to college.

This is so unfair.

Mandy gets to use her
college fund all the time.

-For college.
-For college.

I've seen her grades.
She's barely in college.

Hey, everybody.
Hi.

This sounds like fun.

I assume they said no.

Haters gonna hate.

That's fine. Uh, I'll give you
the money for the equipment.

What?
What do you mean

you'll give her the money?

It's important.
Somebody has to.

What? No, you don't have that
kind of cash lying around.

I'll spread it
over three credit cards.

It -- It's a stretch,
but it's worth it.

Thank you, Kris. You will be
the first and only person

I am thanking
at the GRAMMYs.

What is a hedera?

(laughs)

I don't buy it.

No one else will
either.

Hey. Here's your senior league
softball uniform, Mr. Alzate.

Oh, thank you, Kyle.

Also, uh, there was
a weird gas smell

coming from your kitchen.

So I lit a bunch
of scented candles.

I hope we have
enough guys to play ball

once Howard
is no longer with us.

Oh, no.

Yeah. Oh, relax.

He's moving to Phoenix.

(sighs)

Because he's dying.

Hey, Kyle.
Is my dad in there?

Yeah.
Well, he went in there,

but he could've
gone out the window.

Or disguised himself
and walked right past me.

Or...
I'll just check.

You wanted to see me?

Eh.

Aw, that joke
never gets old.

It's not a joke
this time.

Your mom and I really
didn't appreciate you

swooping in
and parenting Eve, okay?

What about all the times you
swooped in and parented Boyd?

I don't swoop.

I strut boldly.

And I don't want you paying for
anything about Eve

as long as she's living
under my roof.

Or under a roof.

Somebody has to look out
for her, okay?

It's not like Mandy
where you just give her

whatever she wants.

Name one thing I gave Mandy.

College tuition,
free room and board, uh,

a basement
for her business.

Name four things.

Face it, okay?
Mandy's your favorite.

My favorite what?
Have you met Mandy?

Have you met me?

-Hey, Mr. Alzate?
-Come in.

Hey, you forgot your --

Oh!

What's wrong?

What's wrong?
Is there a spider?

Um, you're naked.

I know, that's why
I'm worried about a spider.

Why are you naked?

I am changing
into my uniform.

Either come in
or stay out. Please.

I am choosing
to stay out, sir.

I -- I feel quite
strongly about it.

Now Kristin thinks
Mandy's our favorite?

That's crazy.
We don't have a favorite.

You know, that --
that they know of.

We do give Mandy
whatever she wants,

but it's really
just to shut her up.

Yeah, but Mandy's
always been the kid

that needed
our help the most.

I mean, I can see
why Kristin would think

that's favoritism.

Well, we -- we got to keep
Mandy alive, I mean, right?

(scoffs)

Eve never asked us
for anything,

and the one time she does,
we turn her down.

I just -- maybe
we should get her

that recording equipment.

Fine.

I'll take it out of
the second wife jewelry fund.

I mean,
this whole thing lasted

a lot longer than
I thought it would.

(laughs)

-Hey, guys.
-Hey!

Hi.
Hi, hi, hi.

-Hi.
-Hi, sweetie.

Mm.

Welcome to the family
reunited again yay dinner.

She had a whole 30 minutes
to come up with that.

Everything looks great,
Mom.

Ooh, and you got my favorite
dressing, thanks.

Of course.
Favorite for the favorite.

Still a little second guessing
our parenting, huh?

Oh, didn't know.
Not surprised.

Continue.

Well, you guys think it's not
fair the way we divvy things up,

so we have decided
to even things out a little.

Are we all getting cars?
No.

Oh, my God!
We're all getting cars!

Eve, we've decided we're gonna
pay for the recording equipment.

Nice!

Kind of a wash for me,
but thanks.

Eh, that's typical.

I hate to ask,
but what -- what do --

what do you mean typical?

Oh, 'cause as usual,
little Evie gets everything.

What -- I get everything?

You're the one
who gets everything.

Oh, whoa, whoa. So you think
Mandy's the favorite, too?

Wait, me?
(laughs)

No.

That's a joke.
I'm the least favorite.

That's what I keep saying.
Yeah.

Yeah.

Like, I asked you for $800
for a new sewing machine,

you were like,
"No, go to college."

The fact that you're
so grateful makes up for that.

But not with Eve.
It's like, "Oh, yeah,

skip college, go play hippie
music, whatever you want."

Well, you're one to talk.

Yes, I am one to talk.
I don't know what that means.

Well, it means --
it means that you have

all benefited
from being our kids.

Right, so we do things
differently for each one of you.

You know what?
Let's say grace.

-Okay.
-Yeah, like how you get

to live here rent free
with your husband.

Uh, Mom gets to live here
rent free with her husband.

You know, she's, uh,
she's got you there, honey.

(laughs)

Rent free?

Believe me, I pay.

Oh, and you lived here rent free
with a guy for years.

A guy?

Do you mean my baby?

He's still a guy.

(chuckles) She's got
you there, honey.

Mandy, they had
to help Kristin.

She completely
screwed up her life.

Wait.

I-I-I'm doing great now.

Yeah, 'cause Dad handed
you a cushy job.

Let's say grace.

I thought you were
on my side.

Uh, I'm sorry.
Are we pretending like

you got all your pay raises
because you came up

with the brilliant idea
for a restaurant to sell meat?

You know what, uh-uh-uh,
I think -- I think a prayer

right now would be
a really good idea.

-Great idea.
-I -- I have earned

everything
that I have gotten.

Oh, yeah,
you earned that.

Your silverware at home
sure looks a lot like

the stuff
at the restaurant.

Whoa!

This is where you could
use that recording equipment.

And -- and you are using
your previous incompetence

at everything to
milk these two even though

you're doing great now.

Thank you.
I mean, shut up.

Don't tell her to shut up.

Wait, you sold me out.
You can both shut up.

I don't need to shut up
because I'm leaving.

Sit back down.
Sit back down.

-Wait, come back.
-Both of you sit back down.

-Wait, but --
-You're not leaving.

Sit back down!

Sorry, did you want
to say grace?

♪♪

Hey, Mike Baxter here
for Outdoor Man

with a special message for
our customers in California.

Our rockin' earthquake kits
have come a long way

since the 1970s,
unlike your governor.

Who for some mysterious reason
is still Jerry Brown.

You wouldn't drive a car from
the '70s unless you're an idiot,

but you let old governor
moonbeam drive your whole state.

That's just weird.

Of course our customers
in California

aren't the only ones
who live on a fault line.

If you have a family, trust me,
you're smack dab on top of one.

And people can be
even worse than earthquakes.

An earthquake does
its business, moves on.

Doesn't stick around and say,
"It's not my fault!"

I really should be selling
family-preparedness kits.

They'd come with aspirin,
ear plugs,

and plenty of brown liquor.

Because unlike California,
if your family falls off

in the ocean,
somebody's gonna bitch,

"No fair,
you got to go in first!"

(whimpers)

♪♪

Okay, now, we're
very good on canoes.

All right,
but very low on paddles.

We'll need to order more.

Or some poor souls
will be up a creek.

(laughs)

That's a joke, Kyle.
That's a joke.

Come on. That's a joke.

It's an inventory joke.

And they're not
easy to come by.

Let me tell you.

(laughs)

Good one, sir.

Um, can I go now?

Go? Don't --
we just got started.

What do you mean go?
Maybe -- oh.

Maybe you should get
somebody else to help you.

You know, I-I'm not
good with numbers.

Or letters or my job.

You should probably
just fire me.

Kyle, stop that.

This is ridiculous.

It's time to talk about
the elephant in the room.

Right.

Can you please pick
a different animal?

Oh, all right.

So you saw me naked,
so what?

Americans are far too uptight
about the human body.

I have a more
European view.

I had a more
full-frontal view.

Stop.

Look, I-I'm sorry, sir,

it's just that, you know,
nudity makes me uncomfortable.

That's why I hate art.

All right, look, look. Let's --
let's stop this right now.

I have an idea.
All right?

Let's go to my club.

We'll take a steam.

All right?

Once we're both naked
and surrounded

by other naked men,
you'll see how normal it is.

Wait, no, couldn't
we just go to a museum,

you know, and look at
their filthy Greek statues?

No.

Just you and me.

Sweating with a bunch
of new friends.

Hm, all right?

And bring flip-flops.

I don't trust the floor.

♪♪

When the girls come over,
let me do the talking.

Yeah, has that ever
not been the plan?

Maybe -- maybe
we should wait for the girls

to cool down a little...
No, no, no, no.

...before we have
a family meeting.

Yeah.
They're isolated right now.

We can get into
their heads.

This is how
cult leaders work.

Honey, they resent each other
so much right now,

and they think
it's all our fault.

It is our fault.

We make parenting
look a little too easy.

I think it's time
we show them

what kind of pain they
put us through.

-Oh.
-Right?

Ugh, the thought
of torturing my kids

shouldn't
make me feel better.

But?
It does.

Huh?

-Hey, guys.
-Hey.

-Hey.
-Hope the food is good

'cause the ride over was bossy.

And whiny.

Well, Bossy, Whiny,

save some of that
for you sister, Bratty.

Come with me.

Okay, girls.
Sit.

I don't want to sit
in the middle.

Well, I'm not
sitting next to her.

You don't always
get what you want.

Oh, wait, you do.

All right, enough. Enough.
Go sit down.

Now, I-I don't think
you understand

how hard it is
to be a parent.

Um, hello?

I am a parent.

To Boyd. You have one goat,
doesn't make you a farmer.

Your father and I
love you all the same,

but sometimes
circumstances dictate

that we treat you
differently.

Said every
horrible parent ever.

We knew the logic
probably wasn't gonna work,

so we have a plan B.

All right.

Mandy,
you think it's unfair

that we're buying her
recording equipment.

It's unfair.

And you think it's unfair
that Mandy doesn't pay rent.

For her bedroom
or the basement.

All right, now,
you've worked for ever raise

at Outdoor Man, but I was
considering giving you a bonus.

-Oh.
-A bonus?

Well, I guess that's fair.

She has to match
the number of menus

to the number of people
in the party.

When you have
more than one kid,

you can't make
everybody happy.

Somebody is always
gonna feel cheated.

So we've worked this out
so that you guys get to pick

who gets the short straw.

No, I don't
like the sound of this.

You shouldn't.

So here's
what we're gonna do.

Mandy, either you pay rent,
you don't get your bonus,

or you don't get
your recording equipment.

You guys choose.

That's totally unfair.

Said every child ever.

Okay, so what
are we gonna do?

Are we gonna take
the time to trick Mandy

or just start shaking her
like a rag doll?

I'm not gonna agree
to pay rent,

and I don't care
what you do to me.

Stop, stop.

Okay, we don't
have to fight.

I'll give up the bonus.

I can live with that.

Kris, you don't
have to do this.

Yes, I do.

I-I started this whole thing

because I believed you needed
that recording equipment.

And, honestly, maybe Dad has
given me more than I deserve.

No, he hasn't.

I mean, he gave you
the opportunity,

but you've totally killed it
at the restaurant.

You shouldn't have
to take the hit.

So are you saying
you will?

Oh, God, no.
No.

Did it sound like that?
'Cause it's so not that.

I can't let you
suffer for me, Kris.

I'll just
give up the equipment.

You don't have to.
Well, I want to.

I won't be too old
for a music career

for at least two more years.

Mm, I don't know.
You already act like you're 50.

It might be too late.

Okay, Mandy, you can't
say that you won't pay rent

and then argue against us
making the sacrifice.

Fine, I'll do it.
I'll pay rent.

What?

Eve, you were right
when you said

that I'm no longer
incompetent.

I'm the opposite.

I'm un-incompetent.

You shouldn't
have to pay rent

just because
you're competent.

Let's just pretend
that's a word.

But one of us
has to take this.

Only because Mom and Dad
made these stupid rules.

Two win and one loses?
What kind of parenting is that?

I know. No wonder
we're always fighting.

They run this family like
"The Hunger Games."

It looked like
Mom was enjoying it.

It's just sick.

We are not the ones
that need a lesson.

They need a lesson.
Yes.

Yeah, we need to let them know
that no matter what happens,

we are gonna stick together
because we are sisters.

Sisters.
Mm-hmm.

I'd like to know what
we're doing before I hug.

♪♪

You're okay.

Come on.

Mm.

Oh.

All right.

Let the healing begin.
Hm?

All right.
Ah.

Ah.

(breathes deeply)

(clears throat)

Drop your towel, son.
You're embarrassing me.

I'm just waiting for the steam
to get so thick I can't see.

The reason you're here is so you
can see all these guys naked.

You see that?
You see what you did.

See, your uptight vibe
drove everybody out.

I'm just not sure
this is a good idea.

(sighs) Kyle, nudity is
a beautiful, natural thing.

It's the way the good Lord
made us.

All right, open your eyes.
Come here, come here.

Open your eyes.

Open your eyes, and take a look
at that gentleman right there.

Ah.
This isn't so bad.

See?
In fact --

You have
a very nice body, sir.

I'm -- I'm just guessing,
but is it pilates?

No flip-flops.

Enjoy your trip
to the foot doctor.

(door closes)

I mean,
that wasn't so bad.

Oh, it's bad again.

What's wrong?

I think I've figured out
what's actually bothering me.

And?

You're not only my boss,

I-I also think of you
as a father.

And the last thing
a son wants

is to see his father
with no clothes on.

I don't know.
I don't think that's true.

Have you ever seen
your father naked?

Oh, God.

Oh, God,
where's my damn towel?

Ah, okay, I'm bending over.
Look away.

♪♪

Oh, they're awfully
quiet in there.

Maybe they're putting.

You really this
will bring them closer?

Come on.
They love each other.

-Yeah.
-No one's gonna take the hit.

We need to talk.

-Okay.
-You know, guys, it's okay

if you didn't
choose anybody.

Oh. Oh, no,
we chose someone.

Yeah.

We chose Eve.

Wow.
Didn't see that coming.

What do you --

You -- you picked Eve
to suffer? Your baby sister?

Those were the rules
for your little lesson.

Oh, wait a minute,
we're being played.

They think we'll back down
because Eve's our favorite.

Mike, Mike.

Allegedly.

Oh, no.
Nope, we're serious.

But we, uh, we realized
something more important.

You're the real enemy.

-Hey!
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait a second.
Wait a second.

I'd like to see
where this is going.

You guys tried to play us off
against each other.

So from now on,
no matter what you do,

we're gonna stick up
for each other.

Damn! That's the one thing
I didn't want.

Since Mandy and I
are coming out ahead,

we are going to kick in

and pay for
Eve's recording equipment.

Which means
we all get what we want.

So there's your lesson,
old man. Suck it!

Come on, sisters,
let's grab some food

before they decide
only two of us can eat.

Yeah, I'm starving.
This is great.

We should be sisters
more often.

Well, I like that
they love each other,

but I'm not wild
about them hating us.

Hmm.

I'm okay with both.
Let's eat.

ED: Kyle, could you come here
a minute please?

All right, entering, sir.

All right, I am
lowering my hand.

And I am turning around.

Hey, hey,
just calm down.

I just want you
to check this mole.

Oh, dear God.

(laughs)

I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
I'm kidding, all right.

How about a catch, huh?

Oh, I'd love that, sir.

You know, when
my dad threw stuff at me,

he never expected me
to catch it.

Here.

Just put this on, here.

My own uniform.

Yes. You bet.

And -- and -- and here.

And this.

Wow, my own wig.

Yeah.

Why?

You want to
play catch or not?

I think so.

Look, Howard's dead,
all right?

You're batting fifth.

After the game,
we'll all go for a steam.

-- Captions by VITAC --