All language subtitles for Last.Man.Standing.2011.S06E11.My.Name.Is.Rob.720p.WEB-DL.DD5.1.H.264-NTB

♪♪

We should put on
some Christmas music.

Oh! You know how much I love
that Nat King Cole album.

Oh, boy, do I.

Played it constantly
last year.

I sure hope
no one hid it.

Uh, just not "Rudolph
the Red Nosed Reindeer."

That is
the saddest song ever.

All those other reindeer
are so mean to him --

making fun of him,
not letting him play with them.

I hate them.

Well, they're mean to him
in the beginning,

but then they all love Rudolph
in the end.

Wait.

Wait, really?

I always turn it off
before the end.

I'm gonna go listen
to that right now.

Okay.

We found all the pictures
of the girls with Santa Claus,

or, as I call it,
the museum of crying.

Hey, uh, can we talk
about Christmas dinner?

What do you guys think
about having it at my house?

But, honey, I'm the one
who usually cooks for two days,

then watches everything get
wolfed down during halftime

and then cleans up
by myself.

Of course you can!

Great.

With my new
dining room set,

I can fit all nine of us
at the table

without anyone having to sit
on Ryan's tribal drum.

Nine of us?
There's only eight of us.

Or do you guys count me twice
'cause I eat both drumsticks?

No, I just thought --

Of course -- eight.

Eh, I'm terrible
with numbers.

Says the girl who's in charge
of payroll at the Grill.

Think she's talking
about your secret boyfriend.

I don't know
what you're talking about --

Oh, give it up, Eve!
Come on.

You can't hide him
forever,

like that snake
you found in third grade.

What snake?

[ Sighs ]

All right! Fine!

His name is Rob.
He's really nice.

The -- the boyfriend,
not the snake.

His name was Walter.

Why can't we meet him?
We're nice.

I mean, we are nice,
damn it!

Eve, Eve, it has to happen
sooner or later, okay?

If there was a way
not to meet Dad,

trust me --
Ryan would've found it.

Yeah.

Rob's dating
a Baxter daughter.

He eventually
has to face...Baxter.

Why don't you guys
come here for brunch

after church tomorrow?

Y-Yeah,
Rob...doesn't eat.

What?

He's a scientific wonder.

All right, fine.
I'll ask him.

It's true!

They shouted out his name
in glee.

It's a Christmas miracle!

-- Captions by VITAC --

♪♪

Okay, the quiche is ready,
coffee is brewed.

and I have champagne chilling
for mimosas.

Oh, wait -- is Rob 21?

He's 20, but I could use
a couple of snorts right now.

He's 15 minutes late.

I don't think me or the cold
bacon approve of this kid.

We are not here
to pass judgment on Rob.

Well, maybe you're not,

but that's the only reason
why I'm here.

[ Doorbell rings ]

Oh, that's him.

Uh, Dad,
try not to be...

just be less...

Ugh. What's the use?

Look, I think
Eve really likes this boy,

so let's help him
feel comfortable.

Vanessa, please.

Mom, Dad...

[ Laughs nervously ]
...this is Rob.

Hey, Rob.
Hey.

Mike. Vanessa.

A watch.

Yeah. [ Chuckles ]
I'm really sorry I'm late.

Oh, no, please, it's fine.
It's so nice to meet you, Rob.

These are for you.

Oh, how sweet!

Mike, isn't that sweet?

Yeah.

Nothing for me?

Here's $4.

Sense of humor --
That's important.

Okay, well,
we better get going.

We have another brunch
to get to.

No, stop. Stop.
Come on. Everything's ready.

Please, please
be seated.

I'm sorry again
for being late.

I was at church,

and [chuckles]
things went really long.

So, basically,
you're blaming God.

I am so glad
we're doing this.

Uh, Mike, want to say
the blessing?

Uh, wait a minute.

Why doesn't Rob do it?
He just got back from church.

I bet he could
pray his ass off.

Uh...sure. Yeah.

Uh, I'd be happy to.

Good.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Sighs ]

God, you are really cool.

Looks like we have us
a Bible scholar.

You're cool

because even though
all people see you differently,

you see all of us
the same.

Help us to be like that.

Help us to not look
for the differences,

but see the similarities.

Bring us peace
in our lives,

in our country,
and in the world.

Amen.

Amen.
Amen. Amen.

Well, that kid came
from church.

♪♪

Morning.
Morning.

Table for one?
Yes.

But I'm not alone.

I'm recently married!

[ Laughs ]
Yes.

My husband is off
conducting business.

Uh, Mandy, nobody cares.

Okay.

So, where is Kyle?

Taxidermy class.

He's gotten back
into it.

Making dead things
look alive.

Ah.

It's creepy, you know?

Sometimes
when he looks into my eyes,

I wonder if he's thinking about
replacing them with marbles.

I wanted him to go
Christmas shopping with me

so I could point out
what I want.

You want
Rogaine For Women?

No.

Over.

Ooh! Pretty watch.

I know, right?

And look at how great
it looks on me.

See, just, you --
and then it would be smaller.

Uh-huh. Right. Yeah.

So, I was wondering
if you'd do me a favor.

Maybe drop a hint
to Kyle?

Something subtle like,
"Get Mandy that."

Sure thing.

Hey, you, uh,
want something to eat?

Yeah, uh, I'll have
the mushroom frittata

and the apple-cinnamon
pancakes.

It's a lot, I know.

But I can always
take it home to my husband.

[ Laughs ]

♪♪

Mm-hmm, yeah,
but '98 Super Bowl,

he does that helicopter spin,
gets a first down.

Elway went from becoming a god
to Reagan.

[ Laughs ]

Oh, well, one of the greatest
of all time.

Right.
Elway or Reagan?

Doesn't matter.
You're right either way.

You know, we have
those Broncos season tickets.

Well, maybe you can go
to a game with us sometime.

Well, that'd be great.
[ Laughs ]

Maybe when they're playing
the Raiders. That's my team.

Oh, damn.

It was going so well.

Might be a good time
to pray again.

I-I hate the Raiders.

Yeah,
a lot of people do.

All right,
enough with the football.

Let's talk about politics
or...religion.

My dad's from Oakland --
lifelong Raider fan.

I love my dad,
and I love my silver and black.

Ah, see that, Mike?

He loves his dad.

Yeah, so he says.

Okay, well, um,
this has been...

fraught with peril,

so...we got to go.

Uh, Evie, you know,
I've got, uh, some mail

that came for you
on my desk,

so why don't you come
with me to get it,

and, uh, you know,

we can talk about
something cute

and, uh, something maybe
really perfect for you.

So, you go to C.U.
up in Boulder.

What's your major?

Um, criminal justice.

That'll come in handy.

You might work
for the Oakland Raiders someday.

That's a big party school
up there at C.U.

Oof. [ Chuckles ]

Yeah, it's...crazy.

Yeah, yeah.

See, this is where you say,
"That's not my thing."

It's really not.

Um...anymore.

I'm "trudging the road
of happy destiny."

If you know...
what I mean.

I'm afraid I don't.

Is that
an Adam Sandler movie?

I'm in A.A.

[ Chuckles nervously ]

Yeah, I took my nine-month chip
this morning.

I was in church, just
in the basement with bad coffee.

Nine months, huh?

Eh -- Can I ask you
to keep this to yourself?

It's just, Mrs. Baxter
enjoys her wine,

and, you know, sometimes,
people can get nervous

around alcoholics.

Hmm. Imagine that.

Hey, Rob,
we better get going.

I've got work
this afternoon.

Well, thank you [chuckles] for
a fantastic brunch. Yeah.

Mrs. Baxter.

And, uh, thank you
for being a fantastic Rob.

[ Chuckles ] Sorry.
It's the wine talking.

Well, pipe down, wine.
[ Chuckles ]

Uh...

Go, Raiders.
Go, Broncos.

All right.
Bye, guys.

Bye.
See you, Evie.

Bye.

Mm.
So, is he perfect or what?

I mean, and --
and Eve is crazy about him.

Yeah, I-I don't want
to get ahead of myself,

but I think
they could have a future.

Well, you know what they say --
one day at a time.

♪♪

♪♪

Hey, where's Mike?

I got the spark plugs
for his truck that he wanted.

Somebody owes me 25 bucks
for these.

Just let me check
the "Do I Give a Damn" app

on my phone, huh?

Let's see here.

Just -- just leave them
on his desk.

Put them on his desk.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Check this out!

You see what Mike's
been doing online?

No.

I hope he's not
downloading music illegally,

because artists pour their heart
and soul into their craft.

No, alcoholism --
treatments and success rates.

Why would he be
looking at that?

Uh, isn't it obvious?
He's hitting the sauce.

That would explain
the mood swings.

Mike is not an alcoholic,
and his moods do not swing.

He's only got the one --

pissed.

Call security.
I got two idiots in my office.

What's going on?

It's an intervention,
Otis.

Brew a strong pot
of coffee, Ed.

I'll duct-tape him
to the chair.

Ah, move out
of the way.

Looking at your website --
that's all.

Is there an employee
we should be worried about?

Yeah,
the one that looks like

an Italian grandmother
in a onesie.

My kid's new boyfriend
is newly sober,

and I'm just doing
a little fact-finding.

So Eve is dating a guy
in recovery?

How old is he? 50?

Yes, Joe.

My daughter's dating
a 50-year-old.

And my concern
is that he drinks.

He's 20 years old.

Says he's been sober
for about nine months.

So he got sober before
he could legally buy a drink?

Yeah, that -- that sounds
like a real beauty to me.

You like this guy?

Well, he likes football, ribs,
goes to church.

Hell, I'd date him.

What, are you crazy?

Dating a guy like that,

that's like buying a car
that's been in a bad accident.

You think it's fine, then
one day, you go to start it,

and it's drunk.

Get out!

Still owe me 25 bucks.
Get out!

You worried about this?

A little.

The success rate

for young people in recovery's
not that good.

How's Eve feel about it?

I'm not sure
that she knows.

She needs to.

You'll get these back
when I get my 25 bucks.

♪♪

Hey, Kyle.

Kristin.

What are you doing sneaking
around this time of year?

What if you were Mandy?

Why?
Is that her present?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

But mostly maybe.

Okay, look, I don't know
what you have in there,

but you know what would be
a really great gift for Mandy?

Uh, something
that would help her be on time.

A bus schedule?

No. No, something
more wristy...watchy.

You mean
like a wristwatch.

Hey! Yeah!
Great idea, Kyle.

Oh, look, and I-I found
this one in a magazine.

Oh, yeah.

Mandy taped one of these
to my steering wheel.

Yeah, but it's not as nice
as what I have for her.

It's not the kind of thing
you can buy in a store.

So you made her
something?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

But mostly maybe?

Maybe.

I can't wait to see the look
on her face when she opens it.

[ Chuckles ]

Man:
Kyle, you got a sec?

This is gonna be
the greatest Christmas ever.

Maybe.

Maybe not.

♪♪

Hey, there.

Hey.

Can I steal some Christmas
decorations for my basement?

You can't steal them now that you already
told me you're gonna steal them.

You'd have to come back
and break in later or something.

Oh, how's Rob?

Still a Raider fan,
but I'm working on it.

You liked him, right?

Yeah. You know, I don't know
that much about him.

You know, long as
you know about him,

that's what's
most important.

You do know about him,
right?

Yeah, of course.

Well, that's all
that matters.

Like, what do you know
about him?

Why are you so interested
in this?

Because
I'm a people person.

You seem strangely interested
in talking about my boyfriend.

I find this behavior odd.

[ Chuckles ]

Well, I didn't ask
enough questions about Ryan,

and then you know
how that turned out.

Dad, what is it
you want to know?

Did he tell you
he was in recovery?

What?

Yeah,
the other day at brunch,

he came over,
and we were talking about it,

and he said that
he's a recovering alcoholic.

You know --
brunch talk.

He told you that?

Yeah,
but I'm not judging him.

You know, I'm just saying, if he
didn't tell you something like that,

maybe you don't know him
as well as you think you do.

I've got to go.

Eve. Honey. Honey.

This is why
I don't like brunch.

♪♪

♪♪

W-W-Whoa. Vanessa,
the manger's my thing.

I love to make the cow and the
sheep look like they're fighting.

Sorry, honey, I saw
all these baby Jesuses today

on a half-off table and
couldn't leave them orphaned,

so...

Does --
Does it look weird?

Five baby Jesuses
peering out of the hay?

Yeah.

You turned the Lord's birth
into an episode of "Hee Haw."

[ Scoffs ]

What does this one got,
a thyroid problem?

I am a little distracted.

Uh, Eve and Rob broke up.

What?
Yeah.

I called to invite them to
dinner Friday, and she told me.

Well, you know,
it's probably just a kids spat.

You know, young people.

Any-- Anybody in jail?

No.
No, of course not.

No, and it's not a spat, Mike.
It's over.

Well, who broke up with who?
No, she dumped him.

And -- And I don't get it.

I mean, if I was gonna create
the perfect boyfriend for Eve,

Mm-hmm. you know, like
-- like, in a lab,

with maybe other people's parts
and personalities and...

it would be Rob.

I-I know that sounds creepy,
but you know what I mean!

I think you just frightened
all the baby Jesuses.

[ Scoffs]

I've got to pack something up
in the garage.

♪♪

Kristin!

Hey, Kris!

[ Southern accent ]
Well, howdy, partner!

I'm a-lookin'
for my sister.

I reckon she's been up here
'round these parts.

Let me know
when you're done.

Yee-haw!

[ Normal voice ]
What are you wearing?

This is the first Christmas gift
that Ryan got me

after we were married.

And I wish
that someone had warned me

before I opened that box.

Why are you telling me
this horrible story?

I'm not getting that watch,
am I?

This is
your fringe jacket.

Ooooooo...

ooooooooh.

He got me a dinosaur?

Okay, look, Mandy,

I know a little bit
about being married,

and when it comes to presents,
it's not the gift.

It's the giving.

A lot of love
went into that abomination.

Hey. Guys,
what are you doing?

You're -- You're not
supposed to see that.

Oh.

I love it, Kyle.

[ Voice breaking ] I love it
more than anything in the world.

Thanks, Mandy.

But, uh,
that isn't actually for you.

Oh, thank God!
[ Gags ]

I did make you something,
though,

but you have to wait
until Christmas.

Okay.

Unless you..
want to see it now.

You want
to see it now.

It's Sonny!

The Sonny?

Yeah, your dad said this is
the first fish you ever caught.

Yeah, it was!
Oh, man!

I loved it so much, I made him
put it in the freezer for me.

Ah, I remember.

I was grossed out every time
I went in for a Popsicle.

Well, when your dad told me
the story,

I asked if I could
turn it into a keepsake.

Do you really like it?

I love it.

It's one of
my happiest childhood memories.

Thank you.

So, who was
the armadillo for?

Oh, uh,
it's for a friend of mine

who fell in love
with those little buggers

during a summer
in San Antonio.

Oh. Ryan went to San Antonio
on his --

Oh, my God!

♪♪

Listen, you know
you're bad at stealing stuff

when the guy you stole from
has to bring it over to you.

Maybe it means
I'm really good at stealing.

Put it over there
and go back for the silverware.

Your mom told me
about this breakup,

and I hope it's not
because of what I said.

I'm fine.

I mean,
we don't need to have

one of those long, weepy
conversations you love.

Damn. Because I brought
chocolates and a Lifetime movie.

I just did what I thought
was best for me --

and, you know, you guys.

You did this for us?

We're okay with the kid.

I think your mom's actually
gonna invite him over to brunch,

now that she knows she doesn't
have to share her booze.

I just knew you guys would never
be comfortable with it, you know?

Every time we'd be
10 minutes late for something,

you'd be calling the morgue.
[ Chuckles ]

The only time
I ever call the morgue

is to have them page Izzie Bleeding.
[is he bleeding]

[ Sighs ]
You did this for us?

Yeah. What can I say?
I'm an awesome daughter.

You know,
I don't believe this.

Dad, I promise you,
I'm fine. Really.

No, no, no.
I don't believe this.

You didn't really
break up with him, did you?

Yes, I did.

[ Mockingly ]
"Yes, I did."

That's about as convincing
as when you said,

"I-I don't have a snake."

All right, fine, yes.
[ Sighs ]

I didn't break up with Rob.

I only told Mom that
so you guys wouldn't worry.

And you knew he was getting
sober before I asked you?

Yes, but what I didn't know
was that he told you,

and now
all you know about Rob

is that he's an alcoholic
and a Raider fan.

I mean,
if he becomes a Democrat,

he'll complete
the Mike Baxter trinity of evil.

He's not gonna become a Democrat
now that he stopped drinking.

I just wish
you'd gotten to know him

before he told you,
you know?

There's two things I know
about this kid, all right?

He's brave
and he's honest.

He comes over to my house,

and the first thing
he tells me is this?

Mm.

For a guy who doesn't drink,
he is pretty chatty.

Listen, I have a lot of people
in my life in recovery,

and those that make it
share two things in common --

They're brave
and they're honest.

I know
he's gonna make it, Dad.

He might make it.

But you got to understand this,
honey -- only he can stay sober.

This is not
about you helping him.

He reminds me of that
all the time.

Oh. [ Chuckling ] Hey!
Mr. Baxter.

Hey, kid.

This is cool. You didn't tell me
she'd asked you to help.

Yeah, well, sometimes, my dad
helps without being asked.

Ooh.
Mm.

That is a brave kid.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Door opens ]

Hi.
Hey.

Hey! Mrs. Baxter.
Hi!

Hey!

Hi!

Hey!

Uh, just, uh,
doing the dishes.

Just the one dish?

Uh...yeah, I'm done.

Just -- The water glass
had water.

Mrs. Baxter,
it's fine.

[ Chuckles ]
Really.

Look, I'd feel better

if you just do
whatever you would normally do.

Okay.
[ Chuckles ] Well...

Damn, that looks good!

Oh, this is
gonna be fun.