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1
00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:07,206
Hey, guys.
Dad, you got to tell Mom
2
00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:09,775
we never want to go hiking
with her again.
3
00:00:12,179 --> 00:00:16,115
No, I don't think
I'm gonna do that.
4
00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:18,450
Now that I know
you don't like it,
5
00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:21,120
it could be used
as a form of punishment.
6
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:23,322
Gonna put that
right in the old dad bank.
7
00:00:23,324 --> 00:00:27,326
It turned into
a four-hour lesson in geology.
8
00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:29,828
I was just looking
for a snake to bite me
9
00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:31,530
so we could be airlifted out.
10
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:32,631
Yeah.
11
00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:34,299
Turns out every rock
has a story,
12
00:00:34,301 --> 00:00:37,469
and they're all boring.
13
00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:38,537
That's not the case.
14
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,305
What about
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson?
15
00:00:40,307 --> 00:00:41,974
Okay. Wrestler
turned movie star.
16
00:00:41,976 --> 00:00:43,876
[ Sighs ]
17
00:00:43,878 --> 00:00:46,979
It's inspiring.
18
00:00:46,981 --> 00:00:49,181
You know, ever since
Mom lost her job at the school,
19
00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:51,150
everything
is one big teachable moment.
20
00:00:51,152 --> 00:00:52,818
She's proofreading
my music.
21
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:55,487
I mean, proper grammar
has no place in songwriting.
22
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:57,756
If she was Mick Jagger's mom,
we'd all be singing,
23
00:00:57,758 --> 00:01:01,994
"I am unable to receive
any satisfaction."
24
00:01:01,996 --> 00:01:04,329
Man, she never stops,
25
00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:05,831
and I thought
you were the know-it-all.
26
00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:09,168
Yeah. Only about business or
cars or outdoor stuff or life.
27
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:10,602
Yeah, you got me there.
28
00:01:10,604 --> 00:01:13,005
Listen,
let's cut her a little slack.
29
00:01:13,007 --> 00:01:14,673
She lost her teaching job.
30
00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:16,875
She's got a hole in her life
right now, all right?
31
00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:18,277
Why can't she
just have an affair?
32
00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:20,012
That would take the pressure
off of all of us.
33
00:01:23,384 --> 00:01:25,684
She's going through
a rough time.
34
00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:26,785
We're her family.
35
00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:28,520
It wouldn't hurt
to show a little compassion.
36
00:01:28,522 --> 00:01:29,955
Vanessa:
Oh, good, you're home.
37
00:01:29,957 --> 00:01:32,958
Uh, listen, I found something
fun for us to learn together.
38
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,526
Great.
39
00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:38,697
I signed us up
for ballroom dancing.
40
00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:41,934
Wow!
What a great idea!
41
00:01:41,936 --> 00:01:43,469
Yeah.
42
00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:45,971
Now you get to spend time
with Mom.
43
00:01:45,973 --> 00:01:50,709
I'd love to, but the girls
really want to go hiking again.
44
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:53,712
-- Captions by VITAC --
45
00:01:53,714 --> 00:01:56,281
♪♪
46
00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:05,891
I can't believe
I got you to take dance lessons.
47
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:07,893
Is there a particular step
you want to learn?
48
00:02:07,895 --> 00:02:11,296
Yeah, the happy dance
when I know this is over.
49
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:14,466
So salsa.
50
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,235
You thought about
going back into teaching?
51
00:02:16,237 --> 00:02:18,670
You know what? You're just trying
to get out of the dance lessons.
52
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:21,907
Uh, yeah.
53
00:02:21,909 --> 00:02:23,742
But I also know
that you miss teaching.
54
00:02:23,744 --> 00:02:25,477
Are you thinking about getting
another job?
55
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:27,579
Honey, they just laid me off
a month ago.
56
00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:29,581
I mean,
what am I supposed to do,
57
00:02:29,583 --> 00:02:31,583
show up in a wig
and a mustache?
58
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:32,951
What about
private schools?
59
00:02:32,953 --> 00:02:34,987
I mean, they need help,
and they got money.
60
00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:39,591
When they put an apple
on the desk, it's a MacBook Pro.
61
00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:42,327
I got into teaching to reach
the disadvantaged kids,
62
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:43,462
not the privileged.
63
00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:46,098
Right. Rich kids need help, too.
No.
64
00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:48,500
You know how much trouble it is
to tie an ascot
65
00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:49,868
while
you're on a polo pony?
66
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:52,304
"Ridgeway, stop it.
67
00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:56,041
Biffy!
Come on, everybody!"
68
00:02:56,043 --> 00:02:57,776
Rich kids
can afford tutors.
69
00:02:57,778 --> 00:02:59,111
They don't need me.
70
00:02:59,113 --> 00:03:01,547
All right, but when
a public-school job opens up,
71
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:02,614
you got to be ready.
72
00:03:02,616 --> 00:03:04,483
I think you should stay
in the game.
73
00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:07,319
Yeah, well, I guess
I could think about it.
74
00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:10,622
I mean, I do love teaching
science. [ Chuckles ]
75
00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:12,291
You know,
getting kids to
76
00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:16,728
"zinc" outside
the "bauxite."
77
00:03:16,730 --> 00:03:18,197
[ Laughs ]
78
00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:24,736
This is why science teachers
never opened for Sammy in Vegas.
79
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:27,739
♪♪
80
00:03:27,741 --> 00:03:30,876
[ Zombies groaning ]
81
00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:32,844
[ TV turns off ]
82
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:35,480
What the -- Why are you
pausing it again?
83
00:03:35,482 --> 00:03:36,715
The zombie was about to
get killed.
84
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,183
Yeah, with a shotgun.
85
00:03:38,185 --> 00:03:39,651
Zombies are attracted
to noise.
86
00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,386
He might as well just yell,
"Hey, zombies,
87
00:03:41,388 --> 00:03:42,588
we're in the barn."
88
00:03:42,590 --> 00:03:44,723
Well, that was certainly worth
stopping for.
89
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:45,657
Can we watch now?
90
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:47,826
Hold on.
Tell me, Ryan.
91
00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:51,597
The zombie has him cornered.
How is he supposed to kill him?
92
00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:53,999
I'd use a shovel,
which is right there.
93
00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:56,034
A shovel to kill a zombie?
94
00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:58,837
Even if you could
somehow sever the spinal column,
95
00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:01,573
the head
can still bite you.
96
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,542
Kris, can you kill a zombie
with a shovel?
97
00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:06,712
Uh, I'm kind of busy.
Kill him yourself.
98
00:04:06,714 --> 00:04:08,213
We need you to settle
an argument.
99
00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:09,615
Yeah, I'm not
the right person for that
100
00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:11,016
being a grown-up and all.
101
00:04:11,018 --> 00:04:12,084
Hi.
Hi.
102
00:04:12,086 --> 00:04:14,119
You know,
I really wish we could enjoy
103
00:04:14,121 --> 00:04:16,755
some mutilation and bloodshed
like civilized people,
104
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:19,524
but all you two morons do
is argue.
105
00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:22,561
That's because one of us thinks
he's an expert.
106
00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:24,529
I don't want to say who,
but he has a beard
107
00:04:24,531 --> 00:04:27,399
and his name is Ryan.
108
00:04:27,401 --> 00:04:29,534
Vogelson.
109
00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:32,137
Well, one of us has read
every zombie graphic novel,
110
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:35,040
seen every movie, TV show,
and even the one zombie musical.
111
00:04:35,042 --> 00:04:37,042
Name it. Too late.
"Thriller."
112
00:04:37,044 --> 00:04:38,377
Okay, you know what?
113
00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:40,879
It's the same thing every week,
so I'm settling this.
114
00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:42,748
Next week we're going to have
a contest.
115
00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:45,384
I'm going to crown one of you
the ultimate zombie authority.
116
00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:46,551
And that would be me.
117
00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:49,888
Nope, that would be me
times infinity.
118
00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:52,457
I'm going to give you the
details of a zombie invasion.
119
00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,793
You are each going to have to
tell me how you would survive.
120
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,061
I pick the winner.
121
00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:57,996
He's the ultimate
zombie know-it-all.
122
00:04:57,998 --> 00:05:00,932
We never pause the show again.
Boom.
123
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:02,734
You're on.
Deal.
124
00:05:02,736 --> 00:05:04,670
All right, now can we please
watch the dead people in peace?
125
00:05:04,672 --> 00:05:06,638
Both: Undead.
126
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:08,674
I'm getting a shovel.
127
00:05:08,676 --> 00:05:11,810
♪♪
128
00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:15,480
Thanks for coming with me,
sweetie,
129
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:16,682
but you really
didn't have to.
130
00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:18,583
Have to what?
Support my mother?
131
00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:20,819
Nothing is more important to me
than you...
132
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:23,922
getting a job.
133
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:25,624
You know,
I never really saw myself
134
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:27,092
teaching
at a private school,
135
00:05:27,094 --> 00:05:28,293
but this place is amazing.
136
00:05:28,295 --> 00:05:29,361
I know.
137
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:30,862
It's like Hogwarts
without the magic
138
00:05:30,864 --> 00:05:32,831
and the gross
British people.
139
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:35,334
Oh, no, no, no, no.
There's magic here.
140
00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:37,469
The magic of learning.
141
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:39,404
Abra-ca-science!
142
00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:44,142
Dear God, you need to get back
in a classroom.
143
00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:46,011
Hi. I'm here
for the interview.
144
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:47,379
Uh, Vanessa Baxter.
145
00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:49,948
Take a seat, and Mr. Slattery
will be right with you.
146
00:05:49,950 --> 00:05:51,116
No hurry.
147
00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:53,385
The students should always have
top priority.
148
00:05:53,387 --> 00:05:56,822
Those women are also here
for the teaching position.
149
00:05:56,824 --> 00:05:59,057
Oh, they're --
they're not students?
150
00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:03,061
Uh, then I will need to see
Mr. Slattery immediately.
151
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,563
[ Chuckles ]
152
00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:07,032
I'm just kidding.
153
00:06:07,034 --> 00:06:08,233
I'm gonna go sit down.
154
00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:12,003
[ Sighs ] Mandy, honey.
155
00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:13,004
Yeah.
156
00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:14,706
These teachers
are all so young.
157
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,708
That's your competition?
Yeah.
158
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:18,810
Abra-ca-uh-oh.
159
00:06:21,315 --> 00:06:24,883
Mom, what about her?
She's got some miles on her.
160
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:26,818
Oh, good. Yeah.
I was starting to get worried.
161
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,787
Looking forward to your
retirement party, Elaine.
162
00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:32,858
That's a good thing.
163
00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:35,494
They'll need someone old
to replace Elaine.
164
00:06:35,496 --> 00:06:36,928
Here he comes.
165
00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:38,764
Mom. Mention Twitter.
166
00:06:40,934 --> 00:06:43,335
Hi. It's nice to meet you,
Vanessa.
167
00:06:43,337 --> 00:06:46,238
Uh, I'm sorry.
Uh, I'm -- I'm Vanessa Baxter.
168
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:48,106
I'm sorry.
Oh, no. No problem.
169
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:51,843
I realize I'm a little older
than your other applicants,
170
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:55,580
but I encourage you to "zinc"
outside the "bauxite."
171
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:57,015
Uh...
172
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,950
Uh [chuckles]
I guess that's why
173
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:02,187
I never opened for Sammy
in Vegas.
174
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:03,522
Sammy?
175
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:05,056
Davis.
176
00:07:05,058 --> 00:07:05,924
Jr.?
177
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:08,093
Um...
178
00:07:08,095 --> 00:07:09,461
-Twitter?
-No.
179
00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:11,463
♪♪
180
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,704
Hey, kid.
Hey, heads up.
181
00:07:19,706 --> 00:07:21,273
Mom is super sad.
182
00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:24,209
She got passed over again
for another job.
183
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:26,812
I don't get it.
Who wouldn't want her?
184
00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:29,714
Except us here at home.
185
00:07:29,716 --> 00:07:31,416
Crap.
186
00:07:31,418 --> 00:07:32,751
Who would've thought
187
00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:34,586
it'd be harder to get her
in a good school than you?
188
00:07:34,588 --> 00:07:37,389
I know.
189
00:07:37,391 --> 00:07:40,425
Turns out being smart --
not that important.
190
00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:44,229
What's important is youth.
I was right all along.
191
00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:46,231
I guess you were.
192
00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:49,134
No one's out there searching
for the fountain of age.
193
00:07:52,406 --> 00:07:54,573
Hey, hon.
Are you okay?
194
00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:57,909
Can't compete
with these younger teachers.
195
00:07:57,911 --> 00:08:02,981
You know, one of them actually
called me "ma'am" today.
196
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:07,118
I almost punched her
in her polite little face.
197
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,921
Almost.
198
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:11,456
That's why
you're losing these jobs.
199
00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:13,158
No follow-through.
200
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:17,329
Honey, come on.
You're better than these kids.
201
00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:19,931
No, honey,
the schools don't know that.
202
00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:21,933
They see me walk in the room
and they think,
203
00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:24,102
"Oh, she won't stick around
for 30 years."
204
00:08:24,104 --> 00:08:25,470
You should use me
as a reference.
205
00:08:25,472 --> 00:08:28,173
I'll tell them how difficult
it is to get rid of you.
206
00:08:30,978 --> 00:08:32,210
You know what?
207
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:33,712
They're always gonna pick
the younger person,
208
00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:34,880
and the sooner I accept that,
209
00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:36,882
the sooner I can stop
humiliating myself.
210
00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:38,850
That's not
the Vanessa I know.
211
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:41,686
Oh, well, maybe that's because
I've hit rock bottom.
212
00:08:43,790 --> 00:08:46,958
[ Chuckles ]
Rock bottom?
213
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,294
Really?
214
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:51,530
You let that sit there
and no geology pun?
215
00:08:51,532 --> 00:08:54,065
Oh.
I didn't even see it.
216
00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:55,567
I have lost it.
217
00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:57,536
You haven't.
Baby, come on.
218
00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:58,703
You haven't lost it.
219
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:00,472
You just got to
take some time off, rest,
220
00:09:00,474 --> 00:09:04,175
recharge your batteries,
and you come out swinging.
221
00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:06,077
No, Mike, I give up.
222
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:11,016
I am officially retired.
223
00:09:11,018 --> 00:09:13,518
You retire
the same year as Peyton Manning?
224
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:14,853
That's almost too much.
225
00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:18,023
♪♪
226
00:09:18,025 --> 00:09:22,260
The sun sets
over Denver, Colorado.
227
00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:25,330
The city is swarming
with zombies.
228
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:30,201
Infections are occurring
at a rate of 100 per hour.
229
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:32,003
Major complication --
230
00:09:32,005 --> 00:09:33,838
the virus
is being spread by...
231
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:34,839
Water, wind.
232
00:09:34,841 --> 00:09:36,074
Uber drivers.
233
00:09:38,845 --> 00:09:41,546
...bats.
234
00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:44,049
Which swarm at night,
and it's getting dark.
235
00:09:44,051 --> 00:09:46,585
Wait, and zombification occurs
through a bite?
236
00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:48,219
Stop asking
stupid questions.
237
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:50,622
It's almost sundown.
238
00:09:50,624 --> 00:09:52,023
To make matters worse,
239
00:09:52,025 --> 00:09:55,060
there is one super zombie
that can turn you with a stare.
240
00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:57,028
You always hear about
the super zombie,
241
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,663
but you never think
it's real.
242
00:10:00,634 --> 00:10:02,534
All communication
is cut off.
243
00:10:02,536 --> 00:10:04,402
All you have is a truck
and fuel -- Kyle, go.
244
00:10:04,404 --> 00:10:06,137
Uh, first stop
is Outdoor Man.
245
00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:08,206
Stock up on weapons, ammo,
and jerky,
246
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:09,641
but not the pepper teriyaki
247
00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:13,712
'cause they are not kidding
about the pepper.
248
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:15,280
And then I take the fight
to them --
249
00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,115
sounding the horn,
attracting the zombies,
250
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,584
and starting
a full-scale war.
251
00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,886
Aggressive.
I like it.
252
00:10:21,888 --> 00:10:23,221
Ryan, proceed.
253
00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:25,724
Oh, well, uh,
first I'd get sunglasses...
254
00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:28,493
It's sundown,
numb-nuts.
255
00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:31,563
...so the super zombie
can't turn me with a stare.
256
00:10:31,565 --> 00:10:34,065
Oh, I had those, too.
257
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:35,433
Yeah,
I'm sure you would.
258
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:37,068
Now.
259
00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:39,337
And then I would load Kristin
and Boyd into the truck.
260
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:41,172
Mm, bonus points
for family protection.
261
00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:43,575
Oh, right, and Mandy's with me.
I just forgot to say that.
262
00:10:43,577 --> 00:10:47,012
Nope. It's too late.
She's on her own.
263
00:10:47,014 --> 00:10:50,682
Although she might be okay
because zombies feast on brains,
264
00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:52,751
and, well,
she has very little to offer.
265
00:10:52,753 --> 00:10:55,987
And next
I would do some shopping.
266
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:59,758
I'd get seeds, fertilizer,
tools, shiny birthday balloons.
267
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,426
[ Chuckles ]
Birthday balloons?
268
00:11:01,428 --> 00:11:04,696
What else? A piñata?
269
00:11:04,698 --> 00:11:05,797
And then I'd head
to the mountains,
270
00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:06,931
find fertile land
271
00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:09,200
and a fresh water source
with natural barriers.
272
00:11:09,202 --> 00:11:10,869
I'd plant crops,
build a shelter,
273
00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:12,971
and hang the balloons
around the perimeter,
274
00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:18,410
because bats
are repelled by Mylar.
275
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:22,347
Whoa.
276
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:24,149
Looks like we have a winner.
277
00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:26,785
[ Grunts ]
I don't want to say who,
278
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:30,221
but he's got a beard
and his name is Ryan.
279
00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:33,124
Vogelson.
280
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:35,360
♪♪
281
00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:38,630
[ Door opens ]
282
00:11:38,632 --> 00:11:40,298
Hey, dinner's ready in 10.
283
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:41,966
Hey, come out here a sec.
[ Door closes ]
284
00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:43,535
You know when I say something
real smart
285
00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:45,003
and you go,
"Mike, you're a genius"?
286
00:11:45,005 --> 00:11:46,638
No.
287
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:49,741
Well,
that's how it should be.
288
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:50,742
What do you see here?
289
00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:52,744
A truck.
290
00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:57,549
No, you see
a 1956 Ford truck.
291
00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:58,683
It's a classic.
292
00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:00,685
Mike, you're a genius.
Can I go now?
293
00:12:00,687 --> 00:12:03,655
Just a second. What happens
when we drive around in it?
294
00:12:03,657 --> 00:12:07,058
Um, you make me
take my shoes off.
295
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,827
I know,
but other than that.
296
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:10,995
I'm not allowed
to wear perfume.
297
00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:12,997
Uh, yeah, besides that.
And?
298
00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:14,666
I can't touch anything.
299
00:12:14,668 --> 00:12:16,334
Right, and I don't like gum
in there, too, but really --
300
00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:17,836
All right.
When we're driving around,
301
00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:20,171
what do other people do
when they see us?
302
00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:23,108
They do this.
303
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:24,409
You know why they do that? Why?
304
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:27,512
This truck is older than you,
but it's a classic,
305
00:12:27,514 --> 00:12:29,414
and people realize
it's a classic.
306
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,015
And you're a classic, too.
307
00:12:31,017 --> 00:12:32,417
How flattering.
308
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:35,620
I'm an old truck.
309
00:12:35,622 --> 00:12:37,188
No, no, no, no.
That's not what I meant.
310
00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:38,256
This is not an old truck.
311
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,792
It was an old truck
until I restored it.
312
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:42,227
And why did I do that?
313
00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:45,630
Because I know cars,
and I recognized its value.
314
00:12:45,632 --> 00:12:47,866
Well, no one
is recognizing mine, Mike.
315
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:48,967
But they will.
316
00:12:48,969 --> 00:12:50,301
Somebody who knows something
about teaching
317
00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:51,870
is gonna recognize
your real value.
318
00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:53,204
I know
this is gonna happen.
319
00:12:53,206 --> 00:12:54,239
It really is a beauty --
320
00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:55,640
I'd prefer
you don't touch it.
321
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,543
You know what?
322
00:12:58,545 --> 00:13:01,112
I am a classic, damn it.
That's right.
323
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:03,114
And the same thing
that happened to this truck
324
00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:03,982
is gonna happen to me.
325
00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:05,216
[ Chuckling ] That's right.
326
00:13:05,218 --> 00:13:07,385
Yeah, I just have to get them
to see my real value.
327
00:13:07,387 --> 00:13:09,420
Bingo. I mean, all
this truck needed
328
00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:11,589
was some bodywork and some new paint...
Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh.
329
00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:13,224
...and that's what I need.
330
00:13:13,226 --> 00:13:14,759
Yeah.
331
00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:16,294
What's that now?
Yeah.
332
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:18,463
I'm gonna get
plastic surgery.
333
00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:22,167
No, I -- Let's -- Let's reboot
this conversation.
334
00:13:22,169 --> 00:13:23,234
-No.
-Here's -- Look.
335
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:24,903
Let's use the lawn mower
as an example.
336
00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:27,172
Low, greasy, and dirty. No,
I-I need to be restored.
337
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:30,241
That is the only way I'm gonna
get to do what I love -- teach.
338
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:33,411
No, I don't -- Honey -- Honey,
you really are a genius.
339
00:13:39,853 --> 00:13:43,021
Now I won't be able to take her
out in the rain, either.
340
00:13:48,795 --> 00:13:50,094
The frog said, "You get it in,
you pull it out."
341
00:13:50,096 --> 00:13:51,996
[ Laughs ]
342
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:53,765
Hey. Ed.
343
00:13:53,767 --> 00:13:57,435
Uh, I might need the service
of a good plastic surgeon.
344
00:13:57,437 --> 00:13:59,537
Who's that doctor
that made your third wife
345
00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:01,172
look a lot like
your second one?
346
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:04,509
You getting a new face,
Baxter?
347
00:14:04,511 --> 00:14:07,846
'Cause I could use a break
from looking at this one.
348
00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:10,114
That's the face
of Outdoor Man.
349
00:14:10,116 --> 00:14:11,816
When people see that face,
350
00:14:11,818 --> 00:14:14,586
they want to buy stuff
to kill something.
351
00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:18,857
Well, thank you both.
352
00:14:18,859 --> 00:14:20,625
It's not for me, actually.
353
00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:22,627
For Vanessa?
354
00:14:22,629 --> 00:14:24,195
Oh, well,
congratulations.
355
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:28,833
What's she bumping them
up to?
356
00:14:28,835 --> 00:14:30,568
You know,
I'm gonna tell her you said that
357
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:33,338
next time she goes on and on
about what a classy guy you are.
358
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:34,873
What's up, Baxter?
359
00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:36,574
Vanessa doesn't need
that kind of thing.
360
00:14:36,576 --> 00:14:38,076
I know.
361
00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:39,143
She's got it in her head
362
00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:40,712
that if she wants to
get back into teaching,
363
00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:44,749
she needs to be restored.
364
00:14:44,751 --> 00:14:47,185
Restored?
365
00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:49,254
Where'd she get
that crazy idea?
366
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:57,328
Beats me.
367
00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:01,165
Every interview
she's been going on,
368
00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:02,934
she's losing out
to young people.
369
00:15:02,936 --> 00:15:04,435
That's not right.
370
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:06,838
No, she's got something those
young teachers don't have.
371
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:10,174
Wisdom.
372
00:15:10,176 --> 00:15:12,677
If the price for that
is a few wrinkles, so be it.
373
00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:15,580
That's why nobody listens
to a grape.
374
00:15:17,951 --> 00:15:22,854
And yet they'll sit at
the feet of a raisin for hours.
375
00:15:22,856 --> 00:15:26,925
Carol always talks about what an
excellent teacher Vanessa was.
376
00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:29,627
She really pushed those kids
and she never gave up on them.
377
00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:30,962
She went in early,
stayed late.
378
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:33,698
She really loved that job.
Yeah.
379
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,533
And now with class sizes
going up,
380
00:15:35,535 --> 00:15:37,468
a lot of them
are falling through the cracks.
381
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:40,071
Isn't life strange, huh?
Yeah.
382
00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:43,541
Vanessa wants to teach.
Kids need teaching.
383
00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:47,078
Yet somehow you wind up
paying for a boob job.
384
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,047
Looks like a raisin,
385
00:15:49,049 --> 00:15:50,915
thinks like a grape.
386
00:15:50,917 --> 00:15:52,550
Still want that number?
387
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:54,085
No,
I don't think I need it.
388
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:56,788
Chuck, when you're done,
stop by my office.
389
00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:57,789
I got an idea.
390
00:15:57,791 --> 00:16:02,293
♪♪
391
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:03,661
Hey.
Hey, there.
392
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:06,831
Uh, we should go.
My -- My consultation's at 3:00.
393
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:08,800
We can be late.
It's a plastic surgeon.
394
00:16:08,802 --> 00:16:11,803
We'll give him 15 more minutes
of age to work with.
395
00:16:11,805 --> 00:16:14,906
Mike, honey, um,
be honest with me.
396
00:16:14,908 --> 00:16:17,775
Do -- Do you think
this is a good idea?
397
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:19,010
Hmm.
398
00:16:19,012 --> 00:16:23,848
How can taking a scalpel
to a human face be a bad idea?
399
00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,583
Then why haven't you
tried to stop me?
400
00:16:25,585 --> 00:16:27,185
'Cause I thought it'd be fun
in the waiting room,
401
00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:28,586
you and I guessing,
"Hey, is that before,
402
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:30,655
or, ooh,
is that after?"
403
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,190
I'm serious, come on.
404
00:16:32,192 --> 00:16:34,759
It kills me
that you've been so down lately,
405
00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:36,761
and I would do anything
to make you happy.
406
00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:38,596
And if this is it, I support it.
Okay.
407
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:42,200
But this is my favorite thing
in the world to look at.
408
00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:44,035
Okay.
409
00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:49,874
I don't know what to do.
410
00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:52,610
That's good,
because I have a secret plan.
411
00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:54,379
What are you
talking about?
412
00:16:54,381 --> 00:16:57,215
Well, I can't tell you because
it's Mike's secret plan.
413
00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:58,316
-Hey, Chuck.
-Hey, Chuck.
414
00:16:58,318 --> 00:16:59,951
-Oh, hey, Vanessa.
-Hi.
415
00:16:59,953 --> 00:17:02,854
I'm so surprised
to see you here.
416
00:17:02,856 --> 00:17:06,190
I did not expect it.
417
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:07,625
But since you are here,
418
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:09,694
why don't you come with Mike
and me to the conference room?
419
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:12,397
This is
a funny coincidence.
420
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:15,833
[ Forced chuckling ]
421
00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:17,135
Hey.
422
00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:19,237
When you said three years
of community theater,
423
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:22,407
I had very low expectations.
424
00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:24,542
But wow.
425
00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:36,721
Hey, Mrs. Baxter.
Hey, Jessie, Kevin, David.
426
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:40,224
Or as I like to call it,
Mike's secret plan.
427
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:41,893
Well, Carol helped.
428
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:43,261
She's the one
that called the kids.
429
00:17:43,263 --> 00:17:44,562
And I'm the one
that called Carol,
430
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,464
but, you know, let's just
call it Mike's secret plan.
431
00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:50,501
We didn't know you started
tutoring, Mrs. B.
432
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:51,436
What?
433
00:17:51,438 --> 00:17:54,072
No, I -- Uh, yeah, yeah.
434
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:56,240
A lot of people are --
are just finding out about that.
435
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:57,408
Just say you'll do it.
436
00:17:57,410 --> 00:17:59,243
You got three great people
counting on it.
437
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,579
Me, Mandy, and Eve.
438
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:04,582
And the conference room could be
a great temporary classroom.
439
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,217
Yeah, they teach a lot of stuff
in here.
440
00:18:06,219 --> 00:18:08,853
Wilderness survival,
backpacking skills, first aid.
441
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:11,022
You can add
useless science crap.
442
00:18:11,024 --> 00:18:13,024
Ah! He's joking.
It's not useless.
443
00:18:13,026 --> 00:18:14,692
Yeah, but it's confusing.
444
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:16,427
Well, what, uh -- what
are you having trouble with?
445
00:18:16,429 --> 00:18:19,363
They give us these worksheets,
but nobody explains them to us.
446
00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:22,233
Oh, okay, okay.
This is about light refraction.
447
00:18:22,235 --> 00:18:23,634
Remember when we talked about
448
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:25,536
colors having
different wavelengths?
449
00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:27,705
She talked about this stuff
at dinner,
450
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:29,540
so I'm actually
following this.
451
00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:30,608
I remember.
452
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:33,311
You told us
that's why sunsets are red.
453
00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:35,780
Oh, because red
has the longest wavelength.
454
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,215
Exactly.
455
00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:39,050
See, you guys know
more of this than you think.
456
00:18:39,052 --> 00:18:41,652
And that is something
to refract on.
457
00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:45,623
I'm back!
458
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:51,562
So, who can tell me
the colors of the spectrum.
459
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:52,730
ROY G. BIV!
460
00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:57,168
I'm sorry. Sorry.
No. That's okay.
461
00:18:57,170 --> 00:19:00,104
She has a way
of pulling you in.
462
00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:02,440
Honey. Honey.
Look at the time.
463
00:19:02,442 --> 00:19:03,808
Isn't there something
you need to do?
464
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:07,512
Um, yeah, I'm --
I'm doing it.
465
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:12,700
Thank you.
466
00:19:12,701 --> 00:19:13,917
Congratulations, Baxter.
You really pulled this off.
467
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:16,187
Well, I got to be
totally honest with you.
468
00:19:16,189 --> 00:19:17,488
[ Sighs ]
469
00:19:17,490 --> 00:19:19,590
I couldn't have done this
without, uh, your help.
470
00:19:19,592 --> 00:19:23,794
I mean, your backup and support
meant the world to me.
471
00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:26,330
Wow. Thanks, man.
472
00:19:26,332 --> 00:19:29,000
[ Chuckling ]
Now that was acting.
473
00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:34,372
♪♪
474
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:43,047
Kyle, hey, uh,
the grill is swamped.
475
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:45,116
Can you help me out
for about a half an hour?
476
00:19:45,118 --> 00:19:47,051
Maybe you should ask Ryan
to do it
477
00:19:47,053 --> 00:19:49,220
in case zombies attack
the restaurant.
478
00:19:49,222 --> 00:19:51,789
I hate that I know
what you're talking about.
479
00:19:51,791 --> 00:19:54,025
He even made himself
a trophy.
480
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:56,961
He deserves it.
He's a genius.
481
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:59,297
Planting crops,
fighting bats with balloons.
482
00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:02,667
He saved his family, and I left
Mandy out there on her own.
483
00:20:02,669 --> 00:20:04,735
So you can't help me
because in a made-up game
484
00:20:04,737 --> 00:20:07,738
your wife was eaten
by imaginary zombies?
485
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:11,342
Hey. I don't want
everybody to know.
486
00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:14,712
I realize that there's
no such thing as zombies.
487
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,180
Yet.
488
00:20:16,182 --> 00:20:19,016
But there are scary things
in the real world.
489
00:20:19,018 --> 00:20:21,319
Will I be able to protect Mandy
from those?
490
00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:24,889
Kyle, do you know what Mandy
has always been afraid of?
491
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:29,260
Uneven eyebrows?
She mentions that a lot.
492
00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:31,829
Her biggest fear was always
that she wasn't gonna find
493
00:20:31,831 --> 00:20:35,199
the right guy
to share her life with.
494
00:20:35,201 --> 00:20:37,335
So sad.
495
00:20:37,337 --> 00:20:38,703
I know she will.
496
00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:41,906
No, it -- it's you, Kyle.
You're that guy.
497
00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:43,574
Do -- Do you know
how many nights
498
00:20:43,576 --> 00:20:45,676
I spent in Mandy's bedroom
after a bad date
499
00:20:45,678 --> 00:20:47,778
trying to convince her
that all guys weren't awful?
500
00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:50,414
I don't know. Four?
501
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:52,083
Sure, yeah.
502
00:20:52,085 --> 00:20:53,451
And then one night,
503
00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:56,787
she told me that she found the
guy that made all the dozens...
504
00:20:56,789 --> 00:21:01,459
I mean four guys before him
not matter.
505
00:21:01,461 --> 00:21:03,728
She said that?
506
00:21:03,730 --> 00:21:05,096
Yeah. See?
507
00:21:05,098 --> 00:21:07,064
You already saved her.
508
00:21:07,066 --> 00:21:10,034
And you will every day
for the rest of your life.
509
00:21:10,036 --> 00:21:11,402
Huh.
510
00:21:11,404 --> 00:21:15,106
And I didn't even need
any stupid balloons.
511
00:21:15,108 --> 00:21:17,141
Hey, tell Ryan
to enjoy that trophy,
512
00:21:17,143 --> 00:21:18,909
because it's gonna be mine
someday.
513
00:21:18,911 --> 00:21:22,647
It's a G.I. Joe missing both
arms glued to a piece of wood.
514
00:21:24,384 --> 00:21:26,717
Is there anything
he can't do?
515
00:21:26,719 --> 00:21:28,552
♪♪
37730
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