Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,869 --> 00:00:04,168
Malory: UGH! UGH!
I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU!
2
00:00:04,204 --> 00:00:07,706
ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR BIG, FAT,
RUSSIAN SKULL?
3
00:00:07,741 --> 00:00:09,807
OF ALL THE DUMB STUNTS YOU'VE --
4
00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,744
NIKOLAI, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?
5
00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:14,145
Jakov: WITH KGB SURVEILLANCE
TEAM.
6
00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:16,582
THEY --
Malory: NOT HOW HOW, YOU ASS.
7
00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:20,385
WHY HOW?
Jakov: FOR RECORD OF
ACTIVITIES IN KRAK贸W.
8
00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:22,888
Malory: OH, SOME BLURRY 8mm
OF --
9
00:00:22,923 --> 00:00:25,224
Jakov: NO, WE HAVE THE
DIGITAL HI-DEF NOW!
10
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:29,027
Malory: WONDERFUL -- SO THEY
CAN BLOW IT UP FOR THE JURY AT
MY TREASON TRIAL.
11
00:00:29,062 --> 00:00:31,497
Jakov: IS AMAZING -- NO LOSS
OF RESOLUTION.
12
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:34,066
Malory: DAMN YOUR BLOODSHOT
EYES.
I'M SERIOUS.
13
00:00:34,101 --> 00:00:36,501
Jakov: I WILL NOT LET THAT
HAPPEN TO YOU.
14
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:40,438
Malory: YOU LET THIS HAPPEN
AND, BY DOING SO, JEOPARDIZED
OUR ENTIRE OPERATION.
15
00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:42,640
Jakov: DARLING, PLEASE, DON'T
SAY THAT.
16
00:00:42,676 --> 00:00:46,311
I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS
RAM贸N LIM贸N GOT THE DISK.
17
00:00:46,346 --> 00:00:48,046
HE MUST HAVE GONE ROGUE.
18
00:00:48,082 --> 00:00:49,848
Malory: OH, ALL HISPANICS
LOOK ROGUISH.
19
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,651
Ram贸n: [ Cuban accent ] THE
KGB HAD NO IDEA ABOUT MY PLAN.
20
00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:54,819
SO, PLEASE, DO NOT BLAME MAJOR
JAKOV.
21
00:00:54,855 --> 00:00:56,722
Malory: OH, RIGHT, HOW
COULD I?
22
00:00:56,757 --> 00:01:00,358
Ram贸n: THE IMPORTANT THING IS
THAT THE DISK DOES NOT FALL INTO
THE WRONG HANDS.
23
00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:01,759
Malory: YOU MEAN WRONGER
HANDS.
24
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:04,129
Ram贸n: LIKE YOUR
GOVERNMENT'S...OR MINE.
25
00:01:04,164 --> 00:01:07,732
Malory: I FIND IT VERY
SURPRISING THAT CASTRO OKAYED AN
26
00:01:07,767 --> 00:01:10,669
OPERATION WITH SUCH POTENTIAL TO
EMBARRASS THE SOVIETS.
27
00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:12,337
Ram贸n: WELL, HE IS...
28
00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:17,242
UNPREDICTABLE, WHICH IS WHY I'M
PLANNING AHEAD FOR MY RETIREMENT
IN BEAUTIFUL MIAMI.
29
00:01:17,277 --> 00:01:22,447
Malory: AND SO, HERE ARE THE
KEYS AND THE DEED TO MY CONDO IN
SOUTH BEACH.
30
00:01:22,482 --> 00:01:24,816
Ram贸n: A NICE START TO A NEW
START.
31
00:01:24,852 --> 00:01:26,684
BUT WHAT OF THE FINANCIAL
ARRANGEMENTS?
32
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:29,354
Malory: YOU'LL GET THE MONEY
WHEN I GET THE DISK.
33
00:01:29,389 --> 00:01:30,855
AND IF YOU'VE MADE COPIES --
34
00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:34,926
Ram贸n: I TRIED, BUT YOUR
RUSSIAN WAS SMART ENOUGH TO
COPY-PROTECT THE DISK.
35
00:01:34,962 --> 00:01:36,695
Malory: YEAH, HE'S A REAL
GENIUS.
36
00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:43,402
Ram贸n: BUT IF YOU TRY TO
DOUBLE-CROSS ME, WELL, YOU
SHOULD KNOW WHAT...KIND OF A...
37
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:45,537
MAN YOU ARE...DEALING WITH.
38
00:01:45,572 --> 00:01:49,641
Malory: OH, RAM贸N, I THINK I
KNOW EXACTLY WHAT KIND OF MAN
YOU ARE.
39
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:50,975
Ram贸n: UH, QU茅?
40
00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:54,246
Malory: I SAID I COULD EAT
THE ABSOLUTE PANTS OFF SOME
SHRIMP.
41
00:02:25,512 --> 00:02:27,145
Malory: I DON'T SUPPOSE HE'S
UP.
42
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:30,047
Woodhouse: NO, MA'AM, AND
FROM THE LOOKS OF IT -- NOT TO
43
00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:34,419
MENTION THE LEMUR -- I WOULD
HAZARD HE'S TAKING A PERSONAL
DAY.
44
00:02:34,454 --> 00:02:36,121
Malory: THE HELL HE IS.
45
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,822
Archer: WOODHOUSE, WE GOT ANY
LUBE?
46
00:02:37,858 --> 00:02:39,958
LIKE, AT THIS POINT, EVEN OLIVE
OIL WOULD...
47
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:41,225
Malory: [ SIGHS ]
48
00:02:41,261 --> 00:02:43,061
Archer: ...HELP ME GET THAT
DRAWER UNSTUCK.
49
00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:45,730
Malory: JESUS GOD, STERLING,
SCHOOLGIRLS?
50
00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:47,432
Archer: TH-THOSE ARE JUST
COSTUMES.
51
00:02:47,467 --> 00:02:49,834
Malory: AND I SUPPOSE THAT
MAKES IT BETTER?
Archer: DOESN'T IT?
52
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:52,337
OH, AND, UH, WOODHOUSE, I TOLD
MY GUESTS YOU'D PACK THEIR
LUNCH.
53
00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:53,872
Woodhouse: I'LL DO MY BEST,
SIR.
54
00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:55,874
I'M AFRAID THE LEMUR GOT INTO
THE PUDDING CUPS.
55
00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:58,243
Archer: YEAH, LIKE I TOLD YOU
HE WOULD, YOU IDIOT!
56
00:02:58,278 --> 00:03:00,011
Malory: WILL YOU PLEASE
FOCUS?
57
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:02,547
NOW, I KNOW YOU'RE FAMILIAR WITH
THE HONEYPOT.
58
00:03:02,582 --> 00:03:05,784
Archer: SEDUCING AND
BLACKMAILING A HOT FEMALE ENEMY
AGENT.
59
00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:08,920
I LOVE THE HONEYPOT.
Malory: I'M SURE YOU DO.
60
00:03:08,955 --> 00:03:12,524
BUT THIS TIME, YOU MAY NOT FIND
THE TARGET...APPEALING.
61
00:03:12,559 --> 00:03:13,925
Archer: WHAT? IS IT PAM?
62
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:16,795
SERIOUSLY, WHOEVER -- IT'S ALL
THE SAME IN THE DA-- NO.
63
00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:17,863
Malory: YES.
Archer: NO.
64
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:19,063
Malory: YES.
Archer: NO.
65
00:03:19,099 --> 00:03:20,632
Malory: YES!
Archer: COME ON, HAVE
GILLETTE DO THIS.
66
00:03:20,667 --> 00:03:23,468
Malory: STERLING, YOU'RE THE
ONLY ONE I CAN TRUST.
67
00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:26,337
AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON
MISS GILLETTE.
68
00:03:26,373 --> 00:03:28,673
Gillette: SHE HAS NEVER
LIKED ME.
[ EXHALES ]
69
00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:34,011
BUT SOMEDAY I'M GONNA WRITE A
BOOK ABOUT THIS PLACE, MM-HMM,
A REAL SMACKEROONI.
70
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:37,249
Malory: STERLING, PLEASE, I
NEED YOUR HELP!
71
00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:39,818
THIS RAM贸N LIM贸N IS BLACKMAILING
ME!
72
00:03:39,853 --> 00:03:41,319
Archer: WITH WHAT?
WHAT'S HE GOT ON YOU?
73
00:03:41,354 --> 00:03:43,521
Malory: IT'S...NONE OF YOUR
NOSY BEESWAX.
74
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,523
Archer: WELL, THEN IT SUCKS
TO BE YOU.
75
00:03:45,558 --> 00:03:49,194
Malory: YOU'LL BE WHOM IT
SUCKS TO BE IF I HAVE TO CALL MY
BRIDGE PARTNER.
76
00:03:49,229 --> 00:03:51,162
Archer: OHH, WHO'S YOUR
BRIDGE PARTNER?
77
00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:52,330
Malory: THE DISTRICT
ATTORNEY.
78
00:03:52,365 --> 00:03:53,398
Archer: SO?
79
00:03:53,433 --> 00:03:55,867
Woodhouse: SIR, THAT STOLEN
LEMUR BIT ONE OF YOUR
80
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:59,504
PROSTITUTES RIGHT IN THE FACE,
AND SHE SAYS SHE CAN'T GO TO
81
00:03:59,540 --> 00:04:02,574
HOSPITAL BECAUSE SHE'S
"TRIPPING BALLS."
82
00:04:04,177 --> 00:04:07,913
Archer: YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS
LITTLE, I USED TO PRETEND YOU
WEREN'T MY MOTHER?
83
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:08,680
[ ICE CUBES CLINKING ]
84
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:10,047
Malory: ME, TOO.
Pam: BANG.
85
00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,115
- [ KEY CLACKS ]
- BANG.
86
00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:12,817
[ KEY CLACKS ]
EW. KILL.
87
00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:14,052
- [ KEY CLACKS ]
- BANG.
88
00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:15,420
- [ KEY CLACKS ]
- SHOCK.
Pam: SHUT UP.
89
00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:16,320
OH, MY GOD -- BANG.
90
00:04:16,356 --> 00:04:17,622
Cyril: I HESITATE TO EVEN
ASK.
91
00:04:17,657 --> 00:04:19,257
WE'RE DOING "KILL, BANG,
MARRY."
92
00:04:19,292 --> 00:04:20,425
Cyril: AGAIN -- HESITATION.
93
00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:22,093
Pam: IT'S ON THE ISIS
INTRANET.
94
00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:25,330
YOU CLICK THROUGH PICTURES OF
EVERYBODY WHO WORKS HERE, AND
SAY IF YOU'D RATHER --
95
00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:27,365
KILL THEM OR BANG OR MARRY
THEM.
96
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,901
Cyril: WOW, THAT IS ENTIRELY
INAPPROPRIATE.
97
00:04:29,936 --> 00:04:32,537
Pam: THAT'S WHAT I SAID, BUT
IF YOU GO THROUGH THE WHOLE
98
00:04:32,572 --> 00:04:34,939
LIST, YOU CAN SEE WHAT EVERYBODY
SAID ABOUT EVERYBODY.
99
00:04:34,974 --> 00:04:36,474
Cyril: EVERYBODY? LIKE --
100
00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:40,979
LIKE LANA AND IF -- I DON'T
KNOW -- MAYBE SHE SAID "BANG"
ABOUT MR. ARCHER.
101
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:41,580
Cyril: I GOT UPS!
102
00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:42,114
Pam: HEY --
103
00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:43,147
Cyril: MOVE IT, CHUBS.
104
00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:45,784
Malory: DR. KRIEGER'S COVERT
TEAM INSTALLED THESE
105
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:48,620
SURVEILLANCE CAMERAS WHILE LIM贸N
WAS OUT SHOPPING YESTERDAY.
106
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:51,222
Krieger: YEP, WE'VE GOT
VIDEO AND AUDIO, WITH A
107
00:04:51,258 --> 00:04:55,093
SATELLITE FEED BACK TO THESE
HARD DRIVES -- SAME SETUP I'VE
GOT IN MY VAN.
108
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,828
Archer: JESUS, KRIEGER,
YOU'RE STILL TAPING BUM FIGHTS?
109
00:04:57,864 --> 00:05:00,131
Krieger: NO, NOW I'M INTO
SOMETHING...DARKER.
110
00:05:00,166 --> 00:05:01,500
Malory: [ CLEARS THROAT ]
111
00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:04,969
SINCE THAT OBNOXIOUS LITTLE
CASTRO IS SUCH A RAGING
HOMOPHOBE...
112
00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:06,605
Krieger: Fidel hates the
gays.
113
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:10,308
Malory: ...IT'S A SAFE BET
HE'D HAVE RAM贸N KILLED IF HE
EVER FOUND OUT HE WAS GAY.
114
00:05:10,344 --> 00:05:11,543
SO, ONCE YOU SEDUCE HIM --
115
00:05:11,578 --> 00:05:13,178
Archer: WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,
WHOA.
116
00:05:13,213 --> 00:05:15,446
I THOUGHT NOBODY ELSE WAS
SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT THIS.
117
00:05:15,482 --> 00:05:16,514
Malory: HE WON'T REMEMBER.
118
00:05:16,549 --> 00:05:17,615
Krieger: YEAH, NO, I'M --
119
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:18,884
I AM SHIT-FACED.
120
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:20,985
MS. ARCHER, YOU HAVE A PHONE
CALL.
121
00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:23,354
Malory: I'M BUSY.
UM, WE ALL ARE.
122
00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:25,523
Cyril: BANG.
[ KEY CLACKS ]
UH, KILL, I GUESS.
123
00:05:25,558 --> 00:05:26,591
Pam: THANKS A LOT.
124
00:05:26,626 --> 00:05:28,125
Cyril: IT'S A BAD PICTURE,
PAM.
125
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,127
BUT HE SAYS IT'S URGENT --
126
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:30,896
SOMETHING ABOUT RECENT
DEVELOPMENTS IN KRAK贸W.
127
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:32,530
Malory: KRAK贸W?
128
00:05:32,566 --> 00:05:38,470
OH, FOR -- STERLING, GET TO
MIAMI, AND DON'T COME BACK UNTIL
YOU'VE COMPLETED YOUR...
129
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:39,771
ASSIGNMENT.
130
00:05:39,806 --> 00:05:42,173
Krieger: TAKING ONE FOR THE
TEAM, HUH?
Archer: HOPEFULLY NOT.
131
00:05:42,208 --> 00:05:44,609
Krieger: WELL, IF YOU DO,
I'VE DEVELOPED A PROPRIETARY
132
00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:46,344
CHEMICAL COMPOUND WHICH MAY COME
IN HANDY.
133
00:05:46,379 --> 00:05:50,282
I CALL IT "FORMULA 'K.'"
Archer: AND IT MAKES YOU
TEMPORARILY GAY?
134
00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:51,316
Krieger: I DON'T KNOW.
135
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:52,450
JUST STARTED HUMAN TESTING...
136
00:05:52,485 --> 00:05:54,919
by dosing Danny the intern's
coffee.
137
00:05:54,955 --> 00:05:57,422
Danny: DANNY IS DEFINITELY
FEELING SOMETHING!
138
00:05:57,457 --> 00:05:59,390
Archer: I THINK I'M GOING
TO PASS.
139
00:05:59,426 --> 00:06:00,992
Krieger: SUIT YOURSELF.
[ GASPS ]
140
00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:03,261
JUST MEANS MORE FOR ME AND
DANNY.
141
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:06,097
Danny: WHO IS LOVING IT!
142
00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:10,135
[ LATIN MUSIC PLAYING ]
143
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:14,339
Ram贸n: MAM谩, POR FAVOR, NO
COMIENZAS, EH?
144
00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:17,642
S铆, MAM谩, ESTOY BUSCANDO UNA
NOVIA.
145
00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:19,877
Woodhouse: I HAVE ASCERTAINED
THE TARGET, SIR.
146
00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:22,647
AND HE'S ACTUALLY QUITE
HANDSOME.
147
00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:24,349
Archer: AND I SUPPOSE THAT
MAKES IT BETTER.
148
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,416
Woodhouse: DOESN'T IT?
149
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:27,685
Archer: NO, IT -- WOODHOUSE,
THIS IS MIAMI.
150
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,587
DON'T YOU HAVE ANY COOLER
CLOTHES?
151
00:06:29,622 --> 00:06:31,489
Woodhouse: NO, SIR, NOT
ANYMORE.
152
00:06:31,524 --> 00:06:32,824
Archer: AND YOUR SHOES!
153
00:06:32,860 --> 00:06:36,060
BECAUSE HOW HARD IS IT TO POACH
A GODDAMN EGG PROPERLY?!
154
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:39,898
SERIOUSLY, THAT'S LIKE, EGGS
101, WOODHOUSE.
155
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:42,466
Malory: NOW I KNOW YOU'VE
LOST YOUR MIND.
156
00:06:42,502 --> 00:06:44,168
YOU WANT ME TO DEFECT TO RUSSIA?
157
00:06:44,204 --> 00:06:47,638
Jakov: JUST, YOU KNOW, IF THE
WORST HAPPENS.
158
00:06:47,674 --> 00:06:49,207
Malory: THAT IS THE WORST!
159
00:06:49,243 --> 00:06:52,477
STANDING IN THE SNOW FOR BEET
RATIONS IN MY BLAHNIKS?
160
00:06:52,512 --> 00:06:53,444
Jakov: COME ON!
161
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,246
I'M HEAD OF KGB!
162
00:06:55,282 --> 00:06:56,114
I HAVE MY BEETS DELIVERED.
163
00:06:56,150 --> 00:06:57,449
Malory: NIKOLAI!
164
00:06:57,484 --> 00:07:02,520
Jakov: FREE STOLICHNAYA,
BELUGA CAVIAR, MY OWN PRIVATE
LIMOUSINE.
165
00:07:02,556 --> 00:07:05,657
THE SOVIET SYSTEM IS ACTUALLY
INCREDIBLY UNFAIR.
166
00:07:05,692 --> 00:07:07,692
Malory: AND IT JUST SOUNDS
WONDERFUL, BUT --
167
00:07:07,727 --> 00:07:09,928
Jakov: HEY, I'M JUST PUTTING
IT OUT THERE.
168
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:11,563
Malory: WELL, JUST PUT IT
BACK IN.
169
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:13,230
YOU'RE THE WHOLE REASON I'M IN
THIS MESS!
170
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,066
Jakov: I'M TRYING TO HELP.
171
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:18,703
I MEAN, IF THAT CUBAN DOES NOT
FALL FOR THE HONEYPOT --
172
00:07:18,738 --> 00:07:20,472
Malory: OH, I THINK HE WILL.
173
00:07:20,507 --> 00:07:22,640
I'VE GOT MY TOP MAN ON IT...
174
00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:24,776
OR POSSIBLY BOTTOM.
175
00:07:29,349 --> 00:07:30,382
[ CHAIR LEGS SCREECH ]
176
00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:32,283
Ram贸n: MAM谩, TENGO QUE IRME.
177
00:07:32,318 --> 00:07:33,617
[ KEYPAD BEEPS ]
[ CLEARS THROAT ]
178
00:07:33,653 --> 00:07:35,286
CAN I HELP YOU?
Archer: WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
179
00:07:35,321 --> 00:07:36,621
CAN YOU?
180
00:07:36,656 --> 00:07:39,057
Ram贸n: IS THIS SOME SORT OF
VIRAL MARKETING?
181
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,491
Archer: W-WHAT?
NO, I MEANT --
182
00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:43,227
Ram贸n: OR ARE YOU ASKING ME
SPECIFICALLY IF I HAVE A PENIS?
183
00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:45,997
Archer: UH, IT'S MORE OF A
CONVERSATION STARTER.
184
00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:49,300
Ram贸n: AND HERE'S A
CONVERSATION ENDER -- ADIOS.
185
00:07:49,335 --> 00:07:51,770
Charles: OHH! BILINGUAL SNAP!
Rudi: [ SCOFFS ] THANK YOU.
186
00:07:51,805 --> 00:07:55,740
Archer: DO YOU NOT SEE ME
ROCKING THIS CHISELED SLAB OF
HARD MAN-BODY?
187
00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:57,074
I MEAN, COME ON!
188
00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:58,310
ARE YOU GAY OR NOT?
189
00:07:58,345 --> 00:08:01,679
Ram贸n: I AM, BUT YOU -- YOU
ARE SO NOT MY TYPE.
190
00:08:01,715 --> 00:08:03,781
Archer: WH-- HEY, I AM
EVERYBODY'S TYPE!
191
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:05,449
Charles: OH, PLEASE.
192
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:06,451
Archer: WHAT?
193
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,185
Rudi: YOU ARE ENTIRELY TOO
GAY.
194
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:08,586
Archer: NO, I'M NOT!
195
00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:09,587
ARE YOU KIDDING?
196
00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:12,123
Charles: OH, MY GOD, YOU,
LIKE, SNEEZE GLITTER.
197
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,125
Rudi: THANK YOU.
198
00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:20,298
Archer: SO, YEAH, I'M AN ISIS
AGENT AND THAT RAM贸N GUY'S A
199
00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:24,369
CUBAN AGENT AND I'M SUPPOSED TO
RUN WHAT WE CALL A HONEYPOT ON
HIM.
200
00:08:24,404 --> 00:08:27,872
AND I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HAVE ALL
THIS STUFF AND IT'S, LIKE,
PORTABLE.
201
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:30,608
Charles: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
BLAB ALL OVER THE WORLD THAT
YOU'RE A SECRET AGENT.
202
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:34,646
Archer: I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU'RE A HAIRDRESSER AND RUDI'S
AN INTERIOR DECORATOR.
203
00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,881
Charles: OH, MY GOD, HE'S THE
BEST IN MIAMI.
Rudi: THANK YOU.
204
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:38,416
Woodhouse: YOU'RE QUITE
WELCOME, SIR.
205
00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:40,418
Rudi: IF I HAD A SPOON...
Archer: NO, NO, DON'T --
206
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:42,820
Rudi: ...I WOULD EAT YOU UP.
Archer: DON'T BE NICE TO HIM.
207
00:08:42,855 --> 00:08:44,989
Charles: SO, THIS SPY
AGENCY -- IS IT LIKE THE REAL
208
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,391
CIA, JAMES BOND-Y DEAL, OR
WHAT?
209
00:08:46,426 --> 00:08:49,293
Archer: CHARLES, ISIS EMPLOYS
SOME OF THE WORLD'S FOREMOST
210
00:08:49,328 --> 00:08:52,964
INTELLIGENCE ANALYSTS, COVERT
OPERATIVES, AND SCIENTISTS.
211
00:08:52,999 --> 00:08:55,600
Lana: WAIT, DID CYRIL PLAY
THIS STUPID GAME?
212
00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:57,468
YOU'LL HAVE TO PLAY TO FIND
OUT.
213
00:08:57,503 --> 00:08:58,503
Danny: [ PANTING ]
214
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,304
Krieger: DANNY!
DANNY, STOP RUNNING!
215
00:09:00,339 --> 00:09:02,139
WE GOT TO KEEP THAT HEART RATE
DOWN, BUDDY!
216
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:03,408
Lana: OKAY.
Krieger: DANNY!
217
00:09:03,443 --> 00:09:05,476
Lana: KILL.
[ KEY CLACKS ]
BANG. BANG.
218
00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:06,311
[ KEY CLACKS ]
219
00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:08,913
EW. KILL.
Pam: WELL, THANKS A LOT!
220
00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:10,581
Lana: PAM, IT'S A BAD
PICTURE.
221
00:09:10,617 --> 00:09:11,783
I THINK THAT'S HOT.
222
00:09:11,818 --> 00:09:15,953
LIKE, SOMEBODY MURDERING ME --
IT'S SO...INTIMATE.
223
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:19,290
Archer: SO, YEAH, BASICALLY,
WE'RE THE FRONT LINE IN THE
FIGHT AGAINST TYRANNY.
224
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:19,924
Rudi: THANK YOU.
225
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,625
Woodhouse: MY PLEASURE, SIR.
226
00:09:21,661 --> 00:09:24,829
Rudi: I WANT TO DRESS YOU UP
LIKE A LITTLE GNOME AND JUST
HAVE YOU LIVE IN MY GARDEN.
227
00:09:24,864 --> 00:09:27,431
Woodhouse: I WOULD LIKE SOME
NEW CLOTHES.
Archer: SHUT UP.
228
00:09:27,467 --> 00:09:31,102
BUT ALSO -- AND SPEAKING OF
CLOTHES -- THESE SEEM WAY TOO
NORMAL.
229
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:33,371
Charles: WHAT, "NORMAL" AS
OPPOSED TO "GAY"?
230
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,407
Rudi: IMPLYING THAT "GAY" IS
ABNORMAL?
231
00:09:35,442 --> 00:09:37,909
Archer: NOT ABNORMAL, JUST...
GAY.
232
00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:40,645
Charles: LOOK, IN SPITE OF
YOUR PERSONALITY, YOU GET PLENTY
OF WOMEN, RIGHT?
233
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,180
Archer: DUH AND/OR HELLO!
234
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:46,484
Charles: SO, DUH AND/OR
HELLO -- JUST ACT LIKE YOU
NORMALLY DO AROUND WOMEN.
235
00:09:46,519 --> 00:09:47,619
Archer: REALLY?
236
00:09:47,654 --> 00:09:51,022
BECAUSE HOW HARD IS IT TO POACH
A GODDAMN EGG PROPERLY?!
237
00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:52,590
[ EXHALES ]
238
00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:56,161
Woodhouse: I BELIEVE HE MEANS
BEFORE YOU LURE THEM INTO THE
APARTMENT, SIR.
239
00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:58,329
Archer: OH, YEAH, THAT MAKES
MORE SENSE.
240
00:09:58,364 --> 00:10:00,431
SO, I JUST LIKE, WHAT, APPROACH
HIM IN A BAR?
241
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:02,166
Rudi: YEAH, IF I WERE YOU,
I'D TRY THE COCKFIGHT.
242
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:03,100
Archer: A COCKFIGHT?
243
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:04,936
Charles: YEAH, IT'S THE NAME
OF A GAY BAR.
244
00:10:04,971 --> 00:10:06,704
Rudi: BUT THEY ALSO HAVE
ACTUAL COCKFIGHTS.
245
00:10:06,739 --> 00:10:07,838
Charles: YEAH, LATINO MEN --
246
00:10:07,874 --> 00:10:09,106
YOU TAKE THE BAD WITH THE GOOD.
247
00:10:09,141 --> 00:10:11,108
Archer: JESUS, MAN, WHAT IS
YOUR PROBLEM?
248
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:13,010
Ram贸n: YOU ARE -- BLONDE,
BRUNETTE.
249
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:15,112
I THOUGHT I MADE IT CLEAR YOU
ARE NOT MY TYPE.
250
00:10:15,148 --> 00:10:16,714
Archer: IS THAT WHERE WE
LANDED ON THAT...
251
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,049
Ram贸n: DIOS M铆O.
252
00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:21,452
IS YOUR EGO SO LARGE YOU CANNOT
HANDLE A SINGLE REJECTION?
253
00:10:21,487 --> 00:10:23,221
Archer: YES.
LET ME BUY YOU A DRINK.
254
00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:25,122
Ram贸n: I ALREADY HAVE A
DRINK.
255
00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:26,624
WHY DON'T YOU BUY HIM ONE?
256
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:26,958
HE COULD USE IT.
257
00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:28,226
[ CRYING ]
258
00:10:28,261 --> 00:10:31,763
Archer: W-W-WHY DON'T WE ALL
HAVE ONE AND...
TALK ABOUT IT.
259
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:33,464
[ CRYING INTENSIFIES ]
260
00:10:33,499 --> 00:10:37,501
Rudi: SERIOUSLY, WOODHOUSE,
HOW CAN YOU BE SO TOTALLY
AWESOME AND NOT BE GAY?
261
00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:41,839
Woodhouse: WELL, I WAS VERY
FOND OF A BOY AT SCHOOL ONCE --
262
00:10:41,874 --> 00:10:43,375
REGGIE THISTLETON.
263
00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:46,577
BUT HE DIED IN THE WAR, AT
FLANDERS.
264
00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:48,779
Rudi: FLANDERS?
Charles: WHAT WAR WAS THAT?
265
00:10:48,814 --> 00:10:50,515
Woodhouse: OH, THE GREAT WAR.
266
00:10:50,550 --> 00:10:51,482
Rudi: THEY'RE ALL GREAT.
267
00:10:51,517 --> 00:10:53,551
Charles: OH, MY GOD, YES,
THOSE NAZI UNIFORMS?
268
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:55,019
Rudi: HUGO BOSS!
Charles: SHUT UP.
269
00:10:55,055 --> 00:10:56,053
Rudi: SWEAR TO GOD.
270
00:10:56,088 --> 00:10:57,856
AND LOOK AT SLUT JUST GETTING
HOME.
271
00:10:57,891 --> 00:10:59,858
Charles: WELL, I GUESS OUR
ADVICE WORKED.
272
00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:00,825
Archer: NO, IT DIDN'T.
273
00:11:00,860 --> 00:11:01,659
RAM贸N BLEW ME OFF.
274
00:11:01,694 --> 00:11:03,294
Rudi: THEN WHERE WERE YOU ALL
NIGHT?
275
00:11:03,329 --> 00:11:07,364
Archer: WAY THE CHRIST OUT IN
THE EVERGLADES, BURYING SOME
DOMINICAN GUY'S ROOSTER!
276
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:09,900
Charles: FUN!
OH, YOU MEAN LITERALLY.
277
00:11:09,936 --> 00:11:11,268
Archer: YES!
Charles: SORRY.
278
00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:12,636
Archer: I MEAN, LOOK AT MY
CLOTHES.
279
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,706
AND WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU
WEARING, WOODHOUSE?
280
00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:17,842
Woodhouse: I --
Charles: WE BOUGHT THOSE FOR
HIM, AND IF YOU THROW THEM OFF
281
00:11:17,877 --> 00:11:20,578
THE ROOF, I WILL FLY TO NEW YORK
AND FLING ACID IN YOUR FACE.
282
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:22,913
Rudi: THANK YOU.
[ CELL PHONE RINGING ]
283
00:11:22,949 --> 00:11:24,449
Archer: OH, GREAT.
[ KEYPAD BEEPS ]
284
00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:26,150
MOTHER, I HAVE NOTHING TO REPORT
YET.
285
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:28,018
THIS IS A LOT HARDER THAN I
THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.
286
00:11:28,054 --> 00:11:31,622
Malory: HOW HARD COULD IT BE
TO TALK A GAY MAN INTO HAVING
ANONYMOUS SEX?
287
00:11:31,657 --> 00:11:33,825
Charles: DO YOU SEE THE
STEREOTYPES WE PUT UP WITH?
288
00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:35,827
Archer: LOOK, YOU DON'T KNOW
WHAT I'M DEALING WITH.
289
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:37,494
Malory: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT
I'M DEALING WITH!
290
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:41,766
Jakov: SEE? HERE IS MY NICE
BUILDING, MY LIMOUSINE, MY
MOTHER.
291
00:11:41,801 --> 00:11:46,170
OH, AND MY APARTMENT IS TWO
BEDROOMS, SO SHE WON'T EVEN HAVE
TO MOVE OUT.
292
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:49,474
Malory: SO, YOU JUST LISTEN
TO ME, MR. MAN -- GET ME SOME
293
00:11:49,509 --> 00:11:53,978
VIDEO OF HOT MAN-ON-MAN ACTION
BY TONIGHT OR DON'T BOTHER
COMING HOME.
294
00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:56,714
[ KEYPAD BEEPS ]
Charles: SHE SOUNDS FABULOUS.
295
00:11:56,750 --> 00:11:58,182
Archer: YEAH, SHE'S ACTUALLY
NOT.
296
00:11:58,217 --> 00:12:00,317
Charles: BUT THE STEREOTYPE
THING HAS GOT ME THINKING
297
00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:02,186
BECAUSE -- LET'S SEE -- RAM贸N IS
LATINO.
298
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:04,488
Rudi: AND LATINOS ARE ALL
ABOUT MACHISMO.
299
00:12:04,523 --> 00:12:07,257
Charles: SO, YOU MAY HAVE TO
OUT-MACHO HIM.
300
00:12:07,293 --> 00:12:10,327
Archer: [ Effeminate voice ]
OUT-MACHO A GAY GUY?
OH, MY STARS!
301
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:13,197
Charles: OR -- WAIT -- YOU
COULD JUST BE A SARCASTIC BITCH
YOUR WHOLE LIFE.
302
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:14,565
Rudi: THANK YOU.
303
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:18,002
Malory: WAIT A -- DID YOU SET
THIS WHOLE THING UP JUST SO I'D
304
00:12:18,037 --> 00:12:20,371
HAVE TO COME LIVE WITH YOU AND
YOUR MOTHER?
305
00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:22,173
Jakov: NO!
IT WAS MERELY INCOMPETENCE!
306
00:12:22,208 --> 00:12:24,943
Malory: AND I SUPPOSE THAT
MAKES IT BETTER?
307
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:26,844
Jakov: DOESN'T IT?
Archer: WAIT A MINUTE.
308
00:12:26,879 --> 00:12:29,180
HOW DO YOU KNOW RAM贸N'S PLAYING
JAI ALAI RIGHT NOW?
309
00:12:29,215 --> 00:12:30,514
Charles: UM, HE'S LATINO.
310
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,483
Rudi: SO, IT'S EITHER THAT OR
DOMINOES.
311
00:12:32,518 --> 00:12:34,552
Charles: STEREOTYPES EXIST
FOR A REASON.
312
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,721
OKAY, WE'RE OFF TO GET OUR
SCROTUMS WAXED.
313
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:38,922
[ TIRES SCREECH ]
314
00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:40,257
Ram贸n: ...CUANTAS VECES --
315
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:41,826
Archer: RAM贸N, HEY!
316
00:12:41,861 --> 00:12:43,561
I HAVE A PROPOSITION FOR YOU!
317
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:44,996
Ram贸n: Puta madre.
318
00:12:45,031 --> 00:12:47,131
MAM谩, HAVE TO CALL YOU BACK.
[ KEYPAD BEEPS ]
319
00:12:47,166 --> 00:12:48,366
DON'T YOU EVER GIVE UP?
320
00:12:48,401 --> 00:12:51,201
Archer: NOT WHEN IT COMES TO
SOMEBODY REFUSING TO HAVE SEX
321
00:12:51,237 --> 00:12:52,570
WITH ME -- YOU KNOW,
CONSENSUALLY OR WHATEVER.
322
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,138
Ram贸n: HMM.
323
00:12:54,173 --> 00:12:58,076
Archer: SO, ME AND YOU, ONE
ON ONE -- LOSER HAS TO DO
WHATEVER THE WINNER SAYS.
324
00:12:58,111 --> 00:13:00,778
Ram贸n: IF I WIN, I WANT YOU
TO LEAVE ME ALONE.
325
00:13:00,813 --> 00:13:06,584
Archer: FINE, BUT IF I WIN,
WE GO TO YOUR PLACE AND HAVE,
YOU KNOW, GAY SEX.
326
00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:08,586
Ram贸n: HAVE YOU EVER EVEN
PLAYED JAI ALAI?
327
00:13:08,621 --> 00:13:11,389
Archer: UH, ACTUALLY,
LACROSSE, BUT IT'S JAI ALAI FOR
WHITE PEOPLE.
328
00:13:11,424 --> 00:13:12,623
Ram贸n: LACROSSE IS GAY.
329
00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:13,625
Archer: YOU'RE GAY.
330
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:15,493
I MEAN, I AM, TOO.
WE'RE BOTH GAY.
331
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:18,730
Ram贸n: SERIOUSLY, I CAN SERVE
THIS PELOTA ALMOST 200 MILES AN
HOUR.
332
00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:20,998
Archer: BIG WHOOP, THAT
LITTLE SQUISHY -- JESUS!
333
00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:22,233
IS THIS MADE OF LIMESTONE?!
334
00:13:22,268 --> 00:13:23,868
Ram贸n: IT'S A DANGEROUS GAME,
AMIGO.
335
00:13:23,903 --> 00:13:28,740
Archer: YEAH, WELL, I'M
DANGEROUS AND I'M GONNA WIN AND
GAY SEX.
336
00:13:28,775 --> 00:13:30,441
Ram贸n: [ Chuckling ] OKAY.
GO STAND OVER THERE.
337
00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:31,809
Archer: WHERE? OVER HERE?
338
00:13:31,844 --> 00:13:33,744
Ram贸n: MM, LITTLE MORE FAR.
339
00:13:33,780 --> 00:13:34,646
Archer: WHAT? HERE?
340
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:36,480
Ram贸n: S铆, S铆, THAT'S GOOD,
RIGHT THERE.
341
00:13:36,516 --> 00:13:41,152
Archer: YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
YOU'RE GONNA BE SAYING WHEN I'M,
UH, ALL INSIDE YOU WITH GAY SEX.
342
00:13:41,187 --> 00:13:43,254
Ram贸n: VAMOS A VER.
ARE YOU READY?
343
00:13:43,289 --> 00:13:44,421
Archer: YEAH, I'M READY.
344
00:13:44,457 --> 00:13:45,823
WAIT. WAIT. DO I NEED A HELMET?
345
00:13:45,858 --> 00:13:49,159
Ram贸n: PROBABLY.
Archer: WAIT, WHAT?
346
00:13:49,195 --> 00:13:51,729
I MEAN, AFTER ALL...
347
00:13:51,765 --> 00:13:57,669
YOU ARE PLAYING A VERY DANGEROUS
GAME, STERLING ARCHER OF ISIS.
348
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:01,939
Archer: [ GROANING ]
349
00:14:01,975 --> 00:14:03,207
Ram贸n: THERE HE IS.
350
00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:04,208
WELCOME BACK, AMIGO.
351
00:14:04,243 --> 00:14:05,543
Archer: JESUS CHRIST...
352
00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:10,748
WHO APPARENTLY USES THE SAME
AWFUL DECORATOR AS MY MOTHER.
353
00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:14,351
Ram贸n: TRUST ME -- WHOEVER
DECORATED THIS CONDO IS NOT IN
HEAVEN.
354
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:16,987
AND NEITHER ARE YOU, AGENT
STERLING ARCHER OF ISIS.
355
00:14:17,023 --> 00:14:18,222
Archer: WAIT.
YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
356
00:14:18,257 --> 00:14:19,524
Ram贸n: DUH AND/OR HOLA!
357
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,359
Archer: SO, YOU KNOW WHY I'M
HERE.
358
00:14:21,394 --> 00:14:23,894
Ram贸n: I ASSUME BECAUSE YOUR
MOTHER FORCED YOU TO POSE AS A
359
00:14:23,929 --> 00:14:27,264
GAY MAN IN THE HOPES OF CATCHING
ME IN A -- HOW YOU SAY? --
POT OF HONEY.
360
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:29,433
Archer: YEAH, WHICH IS JUST
SO JUST CLASSIC HER.
361
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:31,869
Ram贸n: OHH, YOU SHOULD MEET
MY MOTHER. SHE --
362
00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:33,938
Archer: NO, NO, NO, SHUT UP.
LISTEN, MY MOTHER --
363
00:14:33,973 --> 00:14:34,972
[ CELL PHONES RINGING ]
364
00:14:35,007 --> 00:14:36,373
Archer: OH, MY GOD, THAT'S
HER.
365
00:14:36,409 --> 00:14:37,909
Ram贸n: AY, DIOS M铆O, IT'S
HER!
366
00:14:37,944 --> 00:14:40,244
[ RINGING CONTINUES ]
367
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:43,013
[ KEYPADS BEEP ]
368
00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:45,717
VIVA LA REVOLUCI贸N DE LOS HIJOS!
369
00:14:45,752 --> 00:14:48,018
Archer: I C-- I CAN'T BELIEVE
WE HUNG UP ON THEM.
370
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:49,687
THAT WAS SO THOROUGHLY AWESOME.
371
00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:52,123
Ram贸n: THIS IS AWESOME.
HERE, TRY IT.
372
00:14:52,158 --> 00:14:54,592
Archer: NO, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,
IT'S RAW, MAN.
Ram贸n: NO.
373
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:57,695
THE CITRIC ACID FROM THE LIMES
ACTUALLY COOKS THE FISH.
374
00:14:57,730 --> 00:15:00,264
TRY IT.
Archer: MMM. MMM.
OH, MY, RAM贸N.
375
00:15:00,299 --> 00:15:01,832
Ram贸n: RIGHT?
Archer: THAT IS AMAZING.
376
00:15:01,868 --> 00:15:05,936
Ram贸n: MAM谩 ALWAYS SAID,
"RAM贸N, UN HOMBRE REAL DEBE
SABER COCINAR."
377
00:15:05,972 --> 00:15:09,140
Archer: MINE ALWAYS SAID,
"STERLING, COME IN HERE AND
CHECK ME FOR LUMPS."
378
00:15:09,175 --> 00:15:11,442
HOLY SHIT. WAS THAT OUT LOUD?
Ram贸n: HEY, IT'S OKAY.
379
00:15:11,477 --> 00:15:12,576
THIS IS A SAFE PLACE.
380
00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:14,245
Archer: YEAH, BUT IT -- BUT
IT'S NOT, THOUGH.
381
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:15,713
Ram贸n: ARE YOU REFERRING TO
THESE?
382
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:17,481
Archer: HA!
YOU FOUND KRIEGER'S CAMERAS?
383
00:15:17,516 --> 00:15:19,883
Ram贸n: I THINK HE IS NOT SO
GOOD AT HIS JOB.
384
00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:23,154
Krieger: [ Crying ] DANNY!
385
00:15:23,189 --> 00:15:26,124
Archer: DUDE, THAT WHOLE
AGENCY'S NOT SO GOOD AT THEIR
JOBS.
386
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:27,257
Lana: [ YAWNS ] KILL.
387
00:15:27,293 --> 00:15:27,891
- [ KEY CLACKS ]
- KILL.
388
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,059
[ KEY CLACKS ]
389
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:31,462
GOD, WHEN DO I GET TO THE END SO
I CAN SEE WHAT CYRIL SAID?
390
00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:33,264
YOU SERIOUSLY DON'T THINK
THAT'S HOT?
391
00:15:33,299 --> 00:15:34,965
Pam: I SERIOUSLY THINK YOU'RE
SCARY.
392
00:15:35,001 --> 00:15:38,603
NO, NO, NO, NO.
LIKE, A BIG, SWEATY FIREMAN
CARRIES YOU OUT OF A BURNING
393
00:15:38,638 --> 00:15:41,538
BUILDING, LAYS YOU ON THE
SIDEWALK, AND YOU THINK, "YEAH,
394
00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:44,475
OKAY, HE'S GONNA GIVE ME MOUTH
TO MOUTH," BUT INSTEAD HE JUST
395
00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:46,777
STARTS CHOKING THE SHIT OUT OF
YOU.
396
00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:51,048
AND THE LAST SENSATION THAT YOU
FEEL BEFORE YOU DIE IS HE IS
397
00:15:51,083 --> 00:15:56,954
SQUEEZING YOUR THROAT SO HARD
THAT A BIG, WET BLOB OF DROOL
DRIPS OFF HIS TEETH AND JUST --
398
00:15:56,989 --> 00:16:00,558
FLERP! -- FALLS RIGHT ONTO YOUR
POPPED-OUT EYEBALL.
399
00:16:03,028 --> 00:16:05,129
Pam: JESUS CHRIST.
400
00:16:05,164 --> 00:16:07,097
I KNOW, RIGHT?
Lana: WHAT THE HELL?!
401
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:08,833
I'M WET JUST THINKING ABOUT
IT.
402
00:16:08,868 --> 00:16:11,335
Lana: CYRIL!!
CYRIL, YOU GET YOUR ASS OUT
HERE RIGHT NOW!
403
00:16:11,371 --> 00:16:14,138
IS SHE FREAKING 'CAUSE CYRIL
SAID HE WANTED TO BANG DANNY THE
INTERN?
404
00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:16,441
Pam: NO, I THINK IT'S 'CAUSE
HE SAID HE WANTED TO MARRY HER.
405
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:17,775
SHE'S SO WEIRD.
406
00:16:17,810 --> 00:16:19,610
HEY, WILL YOU CHOKE ME A LITTLE
BIT?
407
00:16:19,645 --> 00:16:20,845
Ram贸n: PSH!
408
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,814
THAT'S NOTHING COMPARED TO THE
PENDEJOS I HAVE TO WORK WITH.
409
00:16:23,849 --> 00:16:26,484
Archer: WELL, AT LEAST YOU
HAVEN'T BANGED HALF OF THEM
LIKE YOURS TRULY.
410
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:27,885
Ram贸n: I CAN'T.
411
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:31,389
IF FIDEL FINDS OUT I'M GAY,
HE'D -- WELL, THAT'S WHY YOU'RE
HERE.
412
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:35,359
Archer: AND MAYBE IT'S THE
CONCUSSION, BUT I SERIOUSLY FEEL
CRAPPY ABOUT THAT.
413
00:16:35,394 --> 00:16:37,394
Ram贸n: NO, I FEEL CRAPPY.
414
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:39,396
I SHOULD NOT HAVE TRIED TO
BLACKMAIL YOUR MOTHER.
415
00:16:39,431 --> 00:16:40,465
Archer: YEAH, WHAT'S ON THIS
THING, ANYWAY?
416
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,132
[ WOOD BREAKING ]
417
00:16:42,167 --> 00:16:46,170
Charles: GET ON THE FLOOR,
YOU TACKY-ASS, "WHITE AFTER
LABOR DAY WEARING" BITCHES!
418
00:16:46,205 --> 00:16:47,938
Rudi: THANK YOU!
Archer: CHARLES AND RUDI?!
419
00:16:47,973 --> 00:16:49,841
WHAT THE --
Ram贸n: WHAT IS THE MEANING OF
THIS?
420
00:16:49,876 --> 00:16:52,176
Charles: SORRY, WE'RE A HIT
SQUAD -- FORGOT TO TELL YOU.
421
00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:54,945
Rudi: TURNS OUT FIDEL IS
UNHAPPY THAT ONE OF HIS TOP
AGENTS IS GAY!
422
00:16:54,981 --> 00:16:56,080
Ram贸n: AY, DIOS M铆O!
423
00:16:56,115 --> 00:16:58,282
Charles: HEY, SAVE YOUR
BREATH FOR COOLING YOUR CEVICHE.
424
00:16:58,317 --> 00:16:58,816
Ram贸n: CEVICHE IS ALREADY --
425
00:16:58,852 --> 00:17:00,084
Charles: I KNOW!
426
00:17:00,119 --> 00:17:02,586
Archer: YOU DICKS WERE
WORKING FOR CASTRO THIS WHOLE
TIME?
427
00:17:02,621 --> 00:17:04,188
Charles: POSITUTELY, YES.
428
00:17:04,223 --> 00:17:06,590
BUT WE WERE HAVING SUCH A BLAST
HANGING WITH WOODHOUSE --
429
00:17:06,626 --> 00:17:08,259
Rudi: WHO IS FINE, BY THE
WAY.
430
00:17:08,294 --> 00:17:10,127
Charles: I AM GENUINELY SORRY
ABOUT THIS.
431
00:17:10,162 --> 00:17:11,896
Woodhouse: BUT MAY I KEEP THE
CLOTHES?
432
00:17:11,931 --> 00:17:13,798
Rudi: FOREVER AND ALWAYS.
433
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:14,698
NOT THAT YOU CARE!
434
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:16,700
Archer: YEAH, I ACTUALLY
DON'T!
435
00:17:16,736 --> 00:17:18,302
SO, ARE YOU TWO EVEN REALLY
GAY?
436
00:17:18,337 --> 00:17:20,171
Charles: AS BIG OLD
TANGERINES, YES.
437
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:22,206
Ram贸n: THEN HOW CAN YOU WORK
FOR CASTRO?
438
00:17:22,241 --> 00:17:23,941
YOU KNOW HIS STANCE ON
HOMOSEXUALITY.
439
00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:26,477
Charles: BECAUSE, COMMIE, I
HAVE SOMETHING CALLED A
MORTGAGE.
440
00:17:26,512 --> 00:17:28,212
Archer: HEY, WHOA, WHOA.
441
00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:32,015
IF THIS IS ABOUT MONEY, I KNOW
SOMEBODY WHO'D PAY A WHOLE LOT
OF MONEY TO GET THIS BACK.
442
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:34,152
Ram贸n: STERLING, NO!
Archer: RAM贸N, SHUT UP.
443
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:35,686
Charles: YEAH, LET THE MUMMY
TALK.
444
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:37,254
Ram贸n: I CAN'T LET YOU DO
THIS.
445
00:17:37,289 --> 00:17:39,791
Archer: WHAT THE --
Ram贸n: YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME
ALIVE, BASTARDOS!
446
00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:40,991
[ RAPID GUNFIRE ]
447
00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:43,527
Charles: LET'S OUTSOURCE IT
TO SOME CRACKED-UP [BLEEP] --
448
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:44,928
THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
KNOW WHY?
449
00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:47,498
Rudi: SO YOU COULD BE ALL
LITTLE MISS "HINDSIGHT'S 20/20"!
450
00:17:47,533 --> 00:17:48,532
Ram贸n: HERE, TAKE THIS!
451
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:50,201
Archer: WHY DID YOU HAVE A
SALAD GUN?
452
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:51,769
Ram贸n: HEY, I WAS GOING TO
KILL YOU.
453
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:53,437
Archer: OH, YOU ARE JUST THE
WORST KIND OF --
454
00:17:53,472 --> 00:17:55,272
Ram贸n: ME?
YOUR MOTHER STARTED ALL OF THIS.
455
00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:56,740
Archer: SO, GIVE THEM THE
FRICKING DISK!
456
00:17:56,775 --> 00:17:59,577
Ram贸n: IF I DO THAT, IT WILL
BECOME PUBLIC, AND IF YOU SEE
457
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:02,913
WHAT'S ON THIS DISK -- WELL, IF
YOU WEREN'T GAY, YOU WILL BE.
458
00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:06,951
Archer: [ LAUGHS ]
WHAT IS IT, A SEX TAPE OF
MOTHER?
459
00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:08,285
Ram贸n: [ CLEARS THROAT ]
460
00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:09,987
Archer: OH, MY -- [ VOMITS ]
461
00:18:10,022 --> 00:18:11,956
Ram贸n: BUT THERE, YOU SEE?
IT'S GONE NOW.
462
00:18:11,991 --> 00:18:13,690
Archer: OH, GOD.
Ram贸n: SO, IT'S OKAY.
463
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:14,792
JUST LET IT ALL OUT.
464
00:18:14,828 --> 00:18:17,161
Charles: JESUS GOD, DO YOU
LADIES WANT TO PUT ON YOUR
465
00:18:17,196 --> 00:18:19,830
NIGHTGOWNS, CRACK OPEN A TUBE OF
COOKIE DOUGH, AND JUST TALK IT
OUT?
466
00:18:19,866 --> 00:18:21,198
Archer: GOD DAMN IT!
467
00:18:21,233 --> 00:18:24,434
YOU KNOW, WE'RE DEALING WITH
SOME PROFOUND ISSUES HERE, YOU
QUEER!
468
00:18:24,470 --> 00:18:25,870
Ram贸n: WHAT THE HELL, MAN?
469
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:27,771
Archer: SORRY, I-I MEANT
"HOMOSEXUAL."
470
00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:30,308
Ram贸n: NO, YOU IDIOTO, WE
HAVE A FINITE NUMBER OF BULLETS.
471
00:18:30,343 --> 00:18:31,642
[ GUN CLICKING ]
Archer: OH. MY BAD.
472
00:18:31,677 --> 00:18:33,110
Ram贸n: [ Mockingly ]
"OH, MY BAD."
473
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:34,144
[ GUN CLICKING ]
474
00:18:34,180 --> 00:18:36,346
Ram贸n: PUTA MADRE.
Archer: NOW WHO FEELS STUPID?
475
00:18:36,382 --> 00:18:38,048
Charles: MY GUESS IS BOTH OF
YOU.
476
00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:40,784
Rudi: SINCE THE LAST THING
YOU SEE IS GONNA BE THAT
HORRIFIC SOFA.
477
00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:41,818
Archer: OH, SHUT UP.
478
00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:44,321
I BET YOU'RE NOT EVEN A REAL
INTERIOR DECORATOR.
479
00:18:44,356 --> 00:18:46,390
Charles: WELL, HE'S NOT
LICENSED OR ANYTHING, BUT HE'S
GOT A REAL FLAIR FOR IT --
480
00:18:46,426 --> 00:18:47,925
Rudi: THANK YOU!
481
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:51,128
Charles: SO, HOW ABOUT STAND
UP AND LET US PAINT THE WALLS
WITH YOUR BRAINS?
482
00:18:51,163 --> 00:18:52,195
Ram贸n: TAKE THIS.
483
00:18:52,231 --> 00:18:53,664
Archer: JESUS, A CLAYMORE?
484
00:18:53,699 --> 00:18:54,631
Ram贸n: I CAN EXPLAIN --
485
00:18:54,667 --> 00:18:56,400
Archer: YOU WERE GONNA FRAG
ME?
486
00:18:56,435 --> 00:18:58,268
Ram贸n: NO, THIS WAS FOR
DECORATING.
487
00:18:58,303 --> 00:18:59,536
WHAT? LOOK AT THIS PLACE.
488
00:18:59,571 --> 00:19:01,571
I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO START
FROM SCRATCH.
489
00:19:01,607 --> 00:19:03,507
Archer: I DON'T KNOW.
THE KITCHEN'S NOT BAD.
490
00:19:03,542 --> 00:19:04,875
Charles: OH, MY GOD, ARE YOU
KIDDING?
491
00:19:04,910 --> 00:19:06,343
THAT KITCHEN'S AWFUL.
OH, CRAP.
492
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:08,112
Rudi: NO, THANK YOU.
493
00:19:11,216 --> 00:19:12,750
Archer: [ COUGHS ]
494
00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:16,019
RAM贸N, WAS THAT NOT TOTALLY
EPIC?
495
00:19:16,055 --> 00:19:19,156
Ram贸n: S铆, STERLING, BECAUSE
YOU LIVE TO TELL THE TALE.
496
00:19:19,191 --> 00:19:22,359
Archer: NO, NO, NO, BECAUSE
MY MOTHER'S CONDO GOT TRASHED!
497
00:19:22,395 --> 00:19:23,894
GOD, SHE IS GONNA FREAK WHEN --
498
00:19:23,929 --> 00:19:25,429
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
WHERE'S CHARLES AND RUDI?
499
00:19:25,464 --> 00:19:26,830
Ram贸n: HMM.
500
00:19:26,865 --> 00:19:30,368
I THINK THEY MUST HAVE ESCAPED,
HOWEVER IMPLAUSIBLE THAT MAY
SEEM.
501
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,436
Archer: THAT DOES SEEM
IMPLAUSIBLE.
502
00:19:32,471 --> 00:19:34,672
Ram贸n: AND SO I MUST NOW GO
INTO HIDING.
503
00:19:34,707 --> 00:19:38,842
FIDEL WILL KEEP SENDING HIT
SQUADS, AND HE WILL NOT STOP
UNTIL I AM DEAD.
504
00:19:38,877 --> 00:19:41,479
Archer: SO, WHAT, JUST A LIFE
ON THE RUN?
505
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:44,047
Ram贸n: S铆, JUST LIKE EL
DR. DAVID BANNER.
506
00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:46,082
Archer: HOW DO YOU SAY "THE
HULK" IN SPANISH?
507
00:19:46,118 --> 00:19:47,518
Ram贸n: "EL HULK."
Archer: GAY.
508
00:19:47,553 --> 00:19:49,220
Ram贸n: WHAT?
WE DON'T HAVE A WORD FOR "HULK."
509
00:19:49,255 --> 00:19:51,121
Archer: YOU HAVE A WORD FOR
"GAY?"
510
00:19:51,157 --> 00:19:52,823
Ram贸n: "GAY."
Archer: GAYER!
511
00:19:52,858 --> 00:19:54,691
JESUS, SPANISH, OUR JOBS AREN'T
ENOUGH?
512
00:19:54,726 --> 00:19:56,193
NOW YOU GOT TO TAKE OUR WORDS?
513
00:19:56,228 --> 00:19:57,894
Ram贸n: STERLING!
Archer: I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.
514
00:19:57,930 --> 00:20:00,664
IT WAS RACIST, AND EVEN THOUGH
YOU WERE GONNA SHOOT AND/OR FRAG
515
00:20:00,700 --> 00:20:02,933
ME, I REALLY FEEL LIKE WE HAD A
KIND OF A CONNECTION.
516
00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:06,870
Ram贸n: [ Crying ] I'M SAD
BECAUSE WE HAD A CONNECTION,
AND NOW --
517
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:10,941
Archer: NOW I FEEL LIKE A
DICK, SO, COME ON -- LET ME TURN
THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN.
518
00:20:10,976 --> 00:20:12,142
Ram贸n: HOW?
519
00:20:12,178 --> 00:20:14,912
Archer: WELL, THE BEDROOM WAS
UNTOUCHED BY THE EXPLOSION.
520
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:15,846
Ram贸n: I'M LISTENING.
521
00:20:15,882 --> 00:20:17,515
Archer: SO, LET'S BLOW THE
SHIT OUT OF IT.
522
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:20,184
Ram贸n: OH.
I THOUGHT YOU MEANT YOU
WANTED TO...
523
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,819
Archer: [ LAUGHS ] RAM贸N!
524
00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:24,388
Ram贸n: AND JUST WHY IS THAT
SO FUNNY?
525
00:20:24,423 --> 00:20:25,689
Archer: NOT THAT.
526
00:20:25,725 --> 00:20:28,725
WOODHOUSE -- HE'S ALL TIED UP
SOMEWHERE, SCA-- [ LAUGHS ] --
527
00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:30,861
SCARED AND ALONE...
528
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:32,096
[ LAUGHS ]
529
00:20:32,131 --> 00:20:34,732
...PROBABLY DEHYDRATED!
43498
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof