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Malory: AND IF IT HAPPENS
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00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:03,668
AGAIN, I'LL PUT A LOCK ON IT SO
3
00:00:03,704 --> 00:00:05,170
NO ONE CAN ENJOY IT.
4
00:00:05,205 --> 00:00:08,206
MOVING ON, ITEM 7.
5
00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:09,040
OH.
6
00:00:09,075 --> 00:00:11,376
I'M AFRAID I HAVE SOME TRAGIC
NEWS.
7
00:00:11,411 --> 00:00:12,744
Archer: ITEM 6 WASN'T TRAGIC?
8
00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:14,145
Malory: ZIP IT!
Archer: WOW.
9
00:00:14,181 --> 00:00:18,050
AGENT HECTOR RUíZ, WHO HAD
INFILTRATED EL FRENTE ROJO, WAS
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00:00:18,085 --> 00:00:19,918
KILLED LAST NIGHT WHEN HIS
COVER WAS BLOWN.
11
00:00:19,954 --> 00:00:20,886
[ ALL MURMUR ]
12
00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:21,719
Archer: WHO?
13
00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:22,921
Lana: HOW IN THE WORLD DID
14
00:00:22,957 --> 00:00:23,922
HIS COVER GET BLOWN?
15
00:00:23,958 --> 00:00:26,090
HAHA! GRACIAS, AMIGO!
Y VIVA LA --
16
00:00:26,126 --> 00:00:26,992
[ CELLPHONE RINGS ]
17
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:28,460
Ruíz: PUTA MADRE!
18
00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:29,895
PERDóNAME, SEÑORES.
19
00:00:29,930 --> 00:00:30,695
HOLA?
20
00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:32,130
Archer: RUíZ. HEY, MAN.
21
00:00:32,165 --> 00:00:34,265
TALK TO THESE CHICKS, ALL RIGHT?
22
00:00:34,301 --> 00:00:35,967
TELL THEM HOW WE'RE REALLY ISIS
23
00:00:36,002 --> 00:00:36,969
AGENTS.
24
00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:38,603
THEY DON'T BELIEVE ME.
25
00:00:38,638 --> 00:00:39,637
[ Spanish accent ] HELLO!
26
00:00:39,673 --> 00:00:41,406
SEÑOR WINGMAN!
27
00:00:41,441 --> 00:00:43,041
HE PROBABLY JUST GOT CARELESS.
28
00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:44,576
Malory: I'M SURE HECTOR
DIDN'T GET --
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00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:46,611
Archer: OH, COME ON!
RUíZ WAS A LOOSE CANNON.
30
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:49,781
HE PLAYED IT FAST,
AND HE PLAYED IT LOOSE.
AND IN THE END, HE GOT BURNED.
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00:00:49,816 --> 00:00:50,982
Malory: BE THAT AS IT MAY...
32
00:00:51,017 --> 00:00:52,617
- Archer: LOOSE CANNON.
- Malory: ...FOR ISIS TO
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00:00:52,652 --> 00:00:56,221
CONTINUE ENJOYING TITLE 6 TAX
INCENTIVES, WE HAVE TO MEET
34
00:00:56,256 --> 00:00:59,224
CERTAIN...DIVERSITY
REQUIREMENTS.
35
00:00:59,260 --> 00:01:00,959
Cyril: OH, I THINK WE'RE
PRETTY DIVERSE.
36
00:01:00,994 --> 00:01:02,093
- Lana: HA! PLEASE.
- Archer: WHAT?
37
00:01:02,129 --> 00:01:03,128
YOU'RE BLACK...ISH.
38
00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:04,295
Lana: "ISH"?
39
00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:06,064
Archer: WELL, WHAT'S THE WORD
FOR IT, LANA?
40
00:01:06,099 --> 00:01:07,732
YOU FREAKED OUT WHEN I SAID
"QUADROON."
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00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:09,668
Lana: IMAGINE THAT!
Archer: YOU IMAGINE IT!
42
00:01:09,703 --> 00:01:11,937
Malory: BOTH OF YOU, IMAGINE
SHUTTING UP!
43
00:01:11,972 --> 00:01:14,406
BECAUSE AFTER LOSING AGENT PAK
LAST YEAR...
44
00:01:14,441 --> 00:01:16,041
Archer: HEY, TELL THIS BROAD
45
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:17,809
WHAT'S UP WITH ISIS, PAK-MAN!
46
00:01:17,844 --> 00:01:20,178
WOKKA WOKKA WOKKA!
47
00:01:20,213 --> 00:01:22,080
Malory: ...AND THEN
AGENT MGUMBE...
48
00:01:22,115 --> 00:01:23,481
Archer: HEY, YOU GOING TO
THIS LAME ISIS PICNIC?
49
00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:25,017
LOOSE CANNONS!
50
00:01:25,052 --> 00:01:28,586
Malory: ...THE ISIS PALETTE
HAS BECOME DECIDEDLY
MONOCHROMATIC.
51
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:29,854
I'M 1/64th CHEROKEE.
52
00:01:29,890 --> 00:01:31,823
[ ALL GROAN ]
53
00:01:31,858 --> 00:01:32,958
WHAT?!
54
00:01:32,993 --> 00:01:34,393
Cyril: "A," NO, YOU'RE
PROBABLY NOT.
55
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,628
Lana: AND "B" THROUGH "Z,"
NOBODY GIVES A SHIT.
56
00:01:36,664 --> 00:01:37,996
- RACIST!
- Lana: WHAT?!
57
00:01:38,031 --> 00:01:39,665
YOU'RE ANTI-NATIVE AMERICAN!
58
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:41,132
Malory: [ WHISTLES SHRILLY ]
59
00:01:41,168 --> 00:01:42,667
[ ALL GROAN ]
60
00:01:42,702 --> 00:01:44,002
ITEM 8.
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00:01:44,037 --> 00:01:45,704
WE NEED A DIVERSITY HIRE.
62
00:01:45,739 --> 00:01:47,338
- Archer: I VOTE ASIAN CHICK.
- Malory: AND AFTER AN
63
00:01:47,373 --> 00:01:49,140
EXHAUSTIVE SEARCH, I FOUND THE
64
00:01:49,175 --> 00:01:50,676
PERFECT CANDIDATE.
65
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,478
SO JOIN ME IN WELCOMING OUR
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00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:54,112
NEW ISIS AGENT...
67
00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:55,780
Conway: STERN.
68
00:01:55,816 --> 00:01:56,882
CONWAY STERN.
69
00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:58,516
Malory: HE'S A DIVERSITY
70
00:01:58,552 --> 00:02:00,686
DOUBLE WHAMMY.
71
00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:36,754
Malory: SO THAT WAS THE
FIRING RANGE AND THE CAFETERIA,
AND -- DO YOU KEEP KOSHER?
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00:02:36,790 --> 00:02:39,290
Conway: WELL, I-I DO HAVE A
WEAKNESS FOR PRAWNS.
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00:02:39,325 --> 00:02:42,060
Malory: ME TOO!
I'LL HAVE THEM MAKE PAELLA
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00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,027
TOMORROW.
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00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:44,796
OKAY, THAT'S THE MAINFRAME, AND
76
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,831
THESE ARE ALL JUST...DRONES.
77
00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:48,233
Cyril: HEY!
Conway: "DRONES"?
78
00:02:48,268 --> 00:02:51,068
MALORY, T-THESE ARE THE UNSUNG
HEROES OF ISIS.
79
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:54,005
I MEAN, WHERE WOULD WE BE
WITHOUT MY MAN CYRIL IN
ACCOUNTING...
80
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:55,773
Cyril: HEY, THANKS...BRO.
81
00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:56,675
Conway: YOU GOT IT, BUDDY.
82
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:59,011
...OR THE LOVELY PAM IN HUMAN
RESOURCES?
83
00:02:59,046 --> 00:03:00,478
Pam: YEAH, I AM KIND OF
LOVELY.
84
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,547
Conway: AND LAST BUT NOT
LEAST --
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00:03:02,582 --> 00:03:03,915
I'M SORRY, I DON'T KNOW
YOUR NAME.
86
00:03:03,950 --> 00:03:05,083
ME NEITHER.
87
00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:06,685
Malory: SEE?
THEY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!
88
00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,187
NOW OVER HERE IS
A BIG CORNER OFFICE.
89
00:03:09,222 --> 00:03:10,589
Conway: I SEE IT'S CURRENTLY
EMPTY.
90
00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:12,524
LIKE MY "VAGINE."
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00:03:12,559 --> 00:03:14,526
Pam: YEAH, BUT UNLIKE YOUR
DUSTY "VAGINE,"
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00:03:14,561 --> 00:03:15,827
IT'S NOT GONNA
STAY EMPTY.
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00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,028
Cyril: WAIT.
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00:03:17,063 --> 00:03:18,497
YOU DON'T THINK
YOU'RE GETTING THE OFFICE?
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00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,765
Pam: WELL, I AM THE HUMAN
RESOURCES DIRECTOR.
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00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,366
Cyril: BUT, PAM, COME ON.
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00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:26,405
LET'S FACE IT -- YOUR ENTIRE JOB
COULD BE DONE BY A -- A BULLETIN
BOARD.
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00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:27,205
Pam: YOU HEARD CONWAY.
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00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:28,373
I'M ESSENTIAL.
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00:03:28,408 --> 00:03:30,208
- Cyril: HOW?
- I CAN GO ONLINE AND GET A LIST
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00:03:30,244 --> 00:03:32,210
OF EVERY FEDERAL HOLIDAY
FOR THE NEXT --
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00:03:32,246 --> 00:03:33,845
[ COMPUTER KEYS CLACKING ]
WOW. 10,000 YEARS.
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00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,047
Pam: WAIT. REALLY?
10,000?
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00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:39,484
OH. NO.
THIS ISN'T EVEN ON.
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00:03:39,519 --> 00:03:42,187
Pam: I'M GONNA GET THAT
OFFICE!
Cyril: I'M GETTING IT, PAM!
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00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:44,055
OH, MY GOD.
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00:03:44,091 --> 00:03:45,423
I AM SURROUNDED BY IDIOTS.
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00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:46,991
Malory: AND THIS...
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00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:48,160
IS THE LOCKER ROOM.
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00:03:48,195 --> 00:03:49,861
Conway: YEAH, THE, UH,
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00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:51,063
LOCKERS WERE A TIP-OFF.
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00:03:51,098 --> 00:03:52,930
Malory: WELL, I'LL LEAVE YOU
TO IT.
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00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:55,066
BUT IF YOU NEED ANYTHING,
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00:03:55,101 --> 00:03:56,267
WELL, YOU KNOW HOW TO WHISTLE,
115
00:03:56,302 --> 00:03:57,369
DON'T YOU, CONWAY?
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00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,037
Conway: YEP.
LIPS TOGETHER, BLOW. GOT IT.
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00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:03,542
Malory: OH [CHUCKLES] YOU ARE
JUST A LITTLE TREASURE!
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00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:04,309
[ GIGGLING ]
119
00:04:04,344 --> 00:04:05,843
Conway: JESUS, CONWAY,
120
00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:08,213
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT
YOURSELF INTO, MAN?
[ GUN COCKS ]
121
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,114
Archer: YOU BETTER PRAY IT
WASN'T MY MOTHER.
122
00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:13,685
Conway: I'M FAIRLY CONFIDENT
THAT YOU MISREAD THAT WHOLE
SITUATION.
123
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:18,023
Archer: OH, YEAH?
Conway: AND I'M REAL
CONFIDENT YOU MISREAD THIS ONE.
124
00:04:18,058 --> 00:04:19,390
Archer: OH!
125
00:04:19,425 --> 00:04:20,892
UH, HOW ABOUT THIS ONE?
126
00:04:20,927 --> 00:04:21,993
Conway: THIS ONE, UH,
127
00:04:22,028 --> 00:04:23,327
ACTUALLY SEEMS KIND OF GAY.
128
00:04:23,363 --> 00:04:24,863
Archer: MAYBE BECAUSE OUR,
129
00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:25,930
UH, PENISES ARE TOUCHING.
130
00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:28,099
Conway: YEAH, SO LET'S GO
131
00:04:28,134 --> 00:04:29,334
ON...
132
00:04:29,736 --> 00:04:31,737
Both: THREE!
133
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,972
Conway: WHAT, YOU, UH, YOU
SEE SOMETHING YOU LIKE?
134
00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:36,174
Archer: WH--
NO, YOU...QUEER.
135
00:04:36,210 --> 00:04:39,911
Conway: OH, I'M QUEER?
FROM THE GUY WHOSE TINY GUN CAME
WITH A MATCHING PURSE.
136
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:42,247
Archer: HEY, IT'S GOT PLENTY
OF STOPPING POWER.
137
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,082
Brett: WHAT?! THAT LITTLE --
138
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,917
GOD DAMN IT, ARCHER!
Conway: OH, SHIT.
139
00:04:45,952 --> 00:04:47,018
Archer: SEE THAT?
140
00:04:47,053 --> 00:04:48,253
HE WAS PUTTING ON HIS PANTS,
141
00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,254
AND I STOPPED HIM.
142
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,488
SO YOU JUST WATCH YOUR STEP,
143
00:04:50,524 --> 00:04:53,191
MISTER, UH, DAMN IT.
Conway: HEY, RIGHT THERE,
144
00:04:53,226 --> 00:04:54,492
WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE GONE WITH
145
00:04:54,527 --> 00:04:55,827
WAS "SAMMY GAY-VIS JR."
146
00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:57,028
Archer: DAMN IT!
147
00:04:57,064 --> 00:04:59,097
Cyril: COME ON.
SHE DOESN'T NEED A CORNER OFFICE
148
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,900
JUST TO XEROX THE ISIS
NEWSLETTER.
149
00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:03,001
Pam: COLOR XEROX!
150
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:03,968
AND, WHAT, YOU NEED MORE ROOM
151
00:05:04,004 --> 00:05:05,770
TO CHOP VEGETABLES?
152
00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:09,974
Malory: ALL RIGHT!
OBVIOUSLY, I NEED TO MAKE A
DECISION, BUT WHICH SHALL IT --
153
00:05:10,010 --> 00:05:11,009
OOH!
154
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:13,044
OR I COULD GIVE CONWAY BOTH.
155
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,279
Lana: YOU WHAT?!
156
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:15,613
Conway: I ALREADY TOOK CARE
OF THOSE.
157
00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:18,049
Lana: FRODO AND SALSA WERE
MY OPERATIONS!
158
00:05:18,084 --> 00:05:19,750
Conway: AT EASE,
CAREER ADMIRAL.
159
00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:21,453
MALORY WAS GETTING IMPATIENT ON
SALSA.
160
00:05:21,488 --> 00:05:23,454
Lana: SALSA WAS A HIGHLY
COMPLEX OPERATION.
161
00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:26,090
Conway: TWO PHONE CALLS.
AND AS FOR FRODO...
162
00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:27,191
Lana: WH--
163
00:05:27,227 --> 00:05:29,828
Conway: WELL, SOME PUN
INVOLVING HOBBITS.
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00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:33,832
LIKE, I BET HE WISHES HE WAS
WEARING BILBO'S COAT OF DWARVEN
MITHRIL, RIGHT?
165
00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:35,033
Conway: GONNA TAKE YOUR WORD
ON THAT.
166
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:38,303
Lana: OH, YEAH?
WELL, TAKE MY WORD ON THIS --
167
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,005
I'M THE TOP AGENT AROUND HERE,
168
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,106
SO WATCH IT!
169
00:05:41,141 --> 00:05:42,340
SO, SEE, IN MIDDLE-EARTH --
170
00:05:42,375 --> 00:05:43,307
Conway: Shh!
171
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,943
Shh. Shh. Shh.
172
00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:45,810
COME ON, BUDDY.
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00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:46,677
Pam: YOU'RE KIDDING.
174
00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:48,246
Archer: NO, I'M DEAD SERIOUS.
175
00:05:48,281 --> 00:05:50,281
Pam: YEAH?
Archer: I WANT TO FILE AN
H.R. COMPLAINT AGAINST CONWAY.
176
00:05:50,317 --> 00:05:53,985
Pam: ON WHAT GROUNDS?
Archer: HE TOUCHED MY PENIS
WITH HIS PENIS.
177
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:54,719
Pam: WOW.
178
00:05:54,754 --> 00:05:56,288
Archer: YEAH, HE JUST CAME UP
179
00:05:56,323 --> 00:05:57,722
TO ME AND WAS LIKE, "BYOP."
180
00:05:57,757 --> 00:05:58,556
Pam: WHERE?
181
00:05:58,591 --> 00:06:00,658
Archer: ALL OF IT --
HEAD AND SHAFT.
182
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,560
Archer: OH, YOU MEAN WHERE IN
THE BUILDING?
183
00:06:02,595 --> 00:06:04,462
- 'CAUSE THAT SHOULDN'T MATTER.
- Pam: I'VE GOT THIS OTHER
184
00:06:04,497 --> 00:06:06,564
COMPLAINT FROM BRETT, WHO SAYS
185
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:07,899
YOU SHOT HIM AGAIN.
186
00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:09,167
Archer: HERE'S THE THING
187
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,603
ABOUT BRETT.
188
00:06:12,106 --> 00:06:13,538
Pam: AW, SHIT!
189
00:06:13,573 --> 00:06:15,206
THOSE WERE THE NEWSLETTERS!
190
00:06:15,241 --> 00:06:18,243
CYRIL, I NEED A LITTLE FAVOR.
191
00:06:18,278 --> 00:06:20,378
Cyril: OKAY, CARI-- OH,
192
00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:21,946
NOW IT'S "CRISTAL"?
193
00:06:21,981 --> 00:06:23,214
CRIS-TAL!
194
00:06:23,249 --> 00:06:24,715
YOU KNOW, LIKE THE CHAMPAGNE?
195
00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:26,117
IT'S WHAT HOT BLACK GUYS DRINK.
196
00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:27,551
Cyril: UH, YOU SURE ABOUT
THAT?
197
00:06:27,587 --> 00:06:29,020
AND I WANT CONWAY TO DRINK
198
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:31,256
ME, SO I NEED YOU TO HOOK A
SISTER UP.
199
00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:32,924
Cyril: WELL, I WILL...
200
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:33,958
CERTAINLY TRY.
201
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,059
DON'T TRY. DO.
202
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:36,828
AND, HERE, USE THIS.
203
00:06:36,863 --> 00:06:39,430
Cyril: [ SNIFFS ]
UHH! WOW! WHAT IS THIS?
204
00:06:39,466 --> 00:06:40,699
TELL CONWAY THAT HIS
205
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,134
SECRET SANTA WANTS TO COME
EARLY.
206
00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:44,736
Cyril: EW.
207
00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:48,173
OR, YOU KNOW, WHOEVER BRINGS
JEWISH PEOPLE THEIR CHRISTMAS
PRESENTS.
208
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:48,940
[ MOTOR WHIRRING ]
209
00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:49,974
Lana: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
210
00:06:50,009 --> 00:06:51,409
Archer: UH, NONE OF YOUR
BUSINESS-ING?
211
00:06:51,444 --> 00:06:54,512
AND WHAT KIND OF SPY AGENCY
SCRIMPS ON A FREAKING SHREDDER?
212
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:58,016
Lana: WELL, APPARENTLY THE
KIND THAT SCRIMPS ON BACKGROUND
CHECKS.
213
00:06:58,051 --> 00:06:59,851
WHO IS THIS GUY?
Archer: I DON'T KNOW, BUT I
214
00:06:59,886 --> 00:07:02,620
GOT A BAD FEELING ABOUT MOTHER'S
LITTLE "PROJECT CONWAY."
215
00:07:02,655 --> 00:07:06,424
Lana: SO, I MUST BE HAVING A
STROKE, BECAUSE WE ACTUALLY
AGREE ON SOMETHING.
216
00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:08,093
Archer: WAIT. REALLY?
217
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:11,596
Lana: TOTALLY!
I MEAN, HE SHOWS UP OUT OF
NOWHERE AND STARTS TRYING TO GET
218
00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:13,164
ALL UP IN EVERYTHING?
219
00:07:13,199 --> 00:07:14,900
I MEAN, SALSA, FRODO --
220
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:15,800
Archer: POSSIBLY MOTHER.
221
00:07:15,835 --> 00:07:17,535
Lana: AND WHAT DO WE EVEN
KNOW ABOUT HIM?
222
00:07:17,571 --> 00:07:19,537
Archer: ONLY THAT HE'S NOT
CIRCUMCISED.
223
00:07:19,572 --> 00:07:21,572
Lana: OKAY, GLOSSING OVER
224
00:07:21,607 --> 00:07:22,774
HOW YOU KNOW THAT --
225
00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:24,041
Archer: WE TOUCHED PENISES.
226
00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:25,643
Lana: NO! GLOSSING!
227
00:07:25,678 --> 00:07:27,411
BUT A NON-CIRCUMCISED JEWISH
228
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:28,780
GUY -- THAT'S NOT WEIRD TO YOU?
229
00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:30,114
Archer: NO, WHY WOULD --
I MEAN,
230
00:07:30,149 --> 00:07:33,151
I'M NOT JEWISH, AND I AM
CIRCUMCISED, SO IT CAN HAPPEN --
231
00:07:33,187 --> 00:07:34,619
Lana: IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE
THAT!
232
00:07:34,654 --> 00:07:37,889
Archer: LANA, COME ON.
I THINK WE BOTH KNOW IT WORKS
FINE.
233
00:07:37,924 --> 00:07:38,856
Lana: OH, COME ON!
234
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:41,559
NOT YOUR DICK, DUMBASS!
Archer: OH, MY GOD!
235
00:07:41,594 --> 00:07:42,761
THIS IS ABOUT YOU AND ME, RIGHT?
236
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:44,796
Lana: OH, MY GOD!
GET OVER YOURSELF!
237
00:07:44,831 --> 00:07:46,598
Archer: HEY, I AM OVER ME!
238
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:49,567
BUT APPARENTLY YOU'RE NOT!
[ SNIFFS ]
239
00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:51,268
WHAT THE HELL SMELLS LIKE
SHRIMP?
240
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:55,207
JUST MY SENSUAL WOMANHOOD.
241
00:07:55,242 --> 00:07:56,507
OH, WAIT.
EW.
242
00:07:56,543 --> 00:07:58,643
Conway: I'LL BET YOUR
WOMANHOOD SMELLS DIVINE.
243
00:07:58,678 --> 00:08:02,780
CONWAY!
Conway: NOW, WHOM CAN I THANK
FOR THESE SHRIMP?
244
00:08:02,816 --> 00:08:04,115
ME!
245
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:07,686
YOUR SECRET JEW SANTA!
246
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:12,756
CONWAY!
THAT WAS AMAZING!
247
00:08:12,792 --> 00:08:16,494
Conway: YEAH.
SO, UH, OKAY.
248
00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:17,662
OH, MY GOD.
I HOPE I'M PREGNANT.
249
00:08:17,697 --> 00:08:19,530
Archer: WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
250
00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:22,700
Pam: WELL, THE SYSTEM BOUNCED
BACK YOUR SEXUAL-HARASSMENT
COMPLAINT AGAINST CONWAY.
251
00:08:22,735 --> 00:08:24,669
Archer: WELL, UNBOUNCE IT
BACK.
252
00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:27,738
Pam: WHO AM I -- TRON?
GO TALK TO YOUR MOTHER.
SHE'S THE ONE WHO BOUNCED IT.
253
00:08:27,774 --> 00:08:29,140
- Archer: WHY?!
- Pam: HEY, WHOA!
254
00:08:29,176 --> 00:08:30,575
Archer: WHY WOULD SHE DO
THAT?
255
00:08:30,611 --> 00:08:33,378
Pam: DON'T GO STARTING RUMORS
ABOUT CONWAY BONING YOUR MOTHER.
256
00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:34,411
Archer: OH, MY --
257
00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:35,446
[ VOMITS ]
258
00:08:35,482 --> 00:08:36,814
[ COUGHS ]
259
00:08:36,849 --> 00:08:39,417
Pam: YOU GET ANY OF THAT IN
THE TRASH CAN?
260
00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:40,451
Archer: NO.
261
00:08:40,486 --> 00:08:42,454
I, UH, MISSED ON PURPOSE.
262
00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:44,589
Lana: HEY, MALORY, UH, YOU
GOT A SECOND?
263
00:08:44,624 --> 00:08:46,057
Malory: I SINCERELY DOUBT IT.
264
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:47,425
Lana: IT'S ABOUT CONWAY.
265
00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:48,526
Malory: THEN YES!
266
00:08:48,561 --> 00:08:49,760
I HAVE ENTIRE MINUTES!
267
00:08:49,795 --> 00:08:52,130
ISN'T HE JUST A DREAM COME TRUE?
268
00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:53,731
Lana: WELL, THAT'S THE THING.
269
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:55,734
HOW DID YOU ACTUALLY FIND
CONWAY?
270
00:08:55,769 --> 00:08:57,935
Malory: WELL, HE JUST SORT
OF...APPEARED...
271
00:08:57,971 --> 00:09:00,171
Lana: UH, YES, OKAY.
Malory: ...LIKE A FOUNDLING,
272
00:09:00,207 --> 00:09:01,372
CARVED OUT OF ONYX!
273
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:02,674
Lana: YES, BUT FROM WHERE?
274
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:05,243
I MEAN, IF YOU DIDN'T DO A
BACKGROUND CHECK --
275
00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:08,446
Malory: ARE YOU AN IDIOT, OR
DO YOU JUST THINK I AM?
276
00:09:08,482 --> 00:09:10,414
- HE TOTALLY CHECKED OUT.
- Lana: OKAY.
277
00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:11,683
SO, DO YOU MIND IF I JUST TAKE A
LITTLE --
278
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:12,983
Malory: LANA KANE!
279
00:09:13,019 --> 00:09:16,087
JUST BECAUSE NOW YOU'RE NOT
THE ONLY BLACK AGENT --
280
00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:18,089
Lana: HEY, THAT IS NOT --
281
00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:19,824
Malory: "URBAN," WHATEVER.
282
00:09:19,859 --> 00:09:24,228
YOU COME IN HERE AND ACCUSE
CONWAY OF WHAT, EXACTLY?
283
00:09:24,263 --> 00:09:27,798
Lana: OKAY, FINE.
I CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING RIGHT
NOW.
284
00:09:27,833 --> 00:09:31,870
Malory: BUT THAT NEVER
STOPPED J. EDNA HOOVER FROM
PERSECUTING MARTIN LUTHER KING,
285
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:32,703
NOW, DID IT?
286
00:09:32,739 --> 00:09:34,973
Lana: WHAT DOES THAT HAVE
TO -- WAIT.
287
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:35,940
J. EDNA?
288
00:09:35,975 --> 00:09:36,841
Malory: YOU NEVER HEARD THAT?
289
00:09:36,876 --> 00:09:38,710
HOW HOOVER WAS THIS HUGE,
290
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:40,278
CROSS-DRESSING CHICKEN HAWK?
291
00:09:40,314 --> 00:09:41,612
Lana: I HAD NOT.
292
00:09:41,647 --> 00:09:43,848
Malory: WELL, THAT'S EXACTLY
THE KIND OF SLANDEROUS AND
293
00:09:43,883 --> 00:09:45,784
UNSUBSTANTIATED RUMOR I WILL
294
00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:47,651
NOT TOLERATE AT ISIS!
295
00:09:47,687 --> 00:09:49,654
THINK ABOUT THAT WHILE YOU'RE
ON SUSPENSION.
296
00:09:49,689 --> 00:09:50,788
Lana: WHILE I'M ON WHAT?!
297
00:09:50,823 --> 00:09:53,257
Malory: WHAT, ARE YOU DEAF
AND RACIST?
298
00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:54,359
Lana: I'M BLACK!
299
00:09:54,394 --> 00:09:56,394
Malory: OH, PUT IT BACK IN
THE DECK.
300
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,162
Cyril: HEY,
HOW'S MY LOVELY LADY?
301
00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:58,629
Lana: SUSPENDED!
302
00:09:58,665 --> 00:09:59,997
Cyril: WHAT?!
303
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:03,168
Lana: MALORY SUSPENDED ME
JUST BECAUSE I HAD THE NERVE TO
304
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:06,671
ASK A FEW QUESTIONS ABOUT HER
LITTLE HOMEBOY McJEWERSON!
305
00:10:06,706 --> 00:10:08,606
Cyril: WHOA. LANA, HONEY.
Lana: WHAT?!
306
00:10:08,641 --> 00:10:12,110
Cyril: EVEN THOUGH IT'S
PERFECTLY NATURAL FOR YOU TO BE
JEALOUS OF CONWAY --
307
00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:14,512
Lana: [ GASPS ]
308
00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:16,047
Conway: THEN SHE COLDCOCKED
YOU, HUH?
309
00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:18,717
Cyril: YEAH, WITH THAT BIG
"FLINTSTONEY" FIST OF HERS.
310
00:10:18,752 --> 00:10:20,518
BUT, SERIOUSLY, "HOMEBOY
MCJEWERSON"?
311
00:10:20,553 --> 00:10:22,119
Conway: COME ON.
I'VE HEARD WORSE THAN THAT.
312
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,821
Cyril: BUT IT DOESN'T EVEN
MAKE SENSE.
313
00:10:23,856 --> 00:10:25,323
I MEAN MAYBE IF YOU WERE
SCOTTISH OR --
314
00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:26,657
Conway: HEY, MAN, RACISM,
315
00:10:26,692 --> 00:10:27,792
ANTI-SEMITISM -- YOU CAN'T GO
316
00:10:27,827 --> 00:10:29,627
LOOKING FOR THE LOGIC IN IT.
317
00:10:29,662 --> 00:10:32,796
HERE, THIS'LL HELP THE SWELLING.
Cyril: OH, THANK YOU.
[ CHUCKLES ]
318
00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:33,864
WHERE'D YOU GET THE STEAK?
319
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:36,000
Conway: CRISTAL.
YET ANOTHER OFFERING OF
320
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:37,802
UNREFRIGERATED MEAT AND/OR
SEAFOOD.
321
00:10:37,837 --> 00:10:39,704
Cyril: YEAH, SHE'S KIND OF
WEIRD THAT WAY.
322
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:41,705
Conway: YEAH, SHE'S KIND OF
WEIRD A BUNCH OF WAYS.
323
00:10:41,741 --> 00:10:43,074
[ COMPUTER KEYS CLACKING ]
324
00:10:43,110 --> 00:10:44,942
Pam: WHAT YOU DOING,
BIRD BONES?
325
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:46,811
LOOKING FOR A PREGNANCY TEST
ONLINE.
326
00:10:46,846 --> 00:10:49,714
Pam: BUT THERE'S A DRUGSTORE
HALF A -- OH.
327
00:10:49,749 --> 00:10:51,649
YOU MEAN THAT YOU TAKE ONLINE?
328
00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:52,984
YEAH, I WANT TO KNOW, LIKE,
NOW.
329
00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:54,952
Pam: WELL, THANK GOD FOR THEM
INTERNETS.
330
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:56,788
Archer: OKAY WHAT'S THIS LAME
MEETING ABOUT?
331
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,289
NO IDEA, AND I'M BUSY,
AND GO AWAY.
332
00:10:58,324 --> 00:11:00,858
Archer: EXCUSE ME?
OH, MY GOD.
WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?
333
00:11:00,894 --> 00:11:02,860
Archer: MOTHER CALLED ME FOR
A MEETING.
334
00:11:02,895 --> 00:11:04,629
Malory: BUT I THOUGHT YOU
CALLED A MEETING.
335
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,264
OH, AND BY THE WAY, YOU DON'T
CALL A MEETING!
336
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:08,833
ONLY I CALL A MEETING!
337
00:11:08,868 --> 00:11:09,967
Conway: I CALLED THE MEETING.
338
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,703
Malory: WHICH I LOVE THAT YOU
DID THAT.
339
00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:14,973
Conway: I'M SORRY. I KNOW
IT'S NOT STANDARD PROCEDURE,
BUT WE'VE GOT A PROBLEM.
340
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:18,710
A PROBLEM?
OR A BLESSING?
341
00:11:19,712 --> 00:11:21,245
Conway: A PROBLEM.
342
00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:23,414
IT'S A SILENT
SUBMARINE-PROPULSION SYSTEM
343
00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:24,849
CALLED THE "WHISPER DRIVE."
344
00:11:24,884 --> 00:11:25,917
Malory: OOH, SOUNDS SEXY.
345
00:11:25,952 --> 00:11:27,284
Archer: WOULD YOU STOP IT?!
346
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:28,686
Conway: FOLKS, PLEASE.
Archer: EMBARRASSING.
347
00:11:28,721 --> 00:11:30,622
Malory: YOU'RE EMBARRASSING.
Conway: JESUS.
348
00:11:30,657 --> 00:11:33,591
THIS IS WILHELM SCHMECK,
349
00:11:33,626 --> 00:11:35,426
INVENTOR OF THE WHISPER DRIVE.
350
00:11:35,462 --> 00:11:36,561
YESTERDAY SCHMECK WENT MISSING,
351
00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:38,029
ALONG WITH THE PLANS FOR THE
WHISPER DRIVE.
352
00:11:38,064 --> 00:11:40,865
I'VE TRACKED HIM TO SOUTH BEACH,
WHERE HE'S ARRANGED TO SELL THE
353
00:11:40,900 --> 00:11:42,900
PLANS TO CUBAN NAVAL
INTELLIGENCE.
354
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:48,973
IF THAT HAPPENS, UNDETECTABLE
CUBAN MISSILE SUBS COULD BE
PARKED RIGHT OFF MIAMI BEACH.
355
00:11:49,009 --> 00:11:52,410
Malory: UGH!
JUST WHAT MIAMI NEEDS -- MORE
CUBANS.
356
00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:53,611
Conway: AND ALL WE NEED IS A
357
00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:55,046
STAND-IN WHO RESEMBLES SCHMECK'S
358
00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:55,947
CUBAN CONTACT.
359
00:11:55,982 --> 00:11:59,283
Archer: WH--
THAT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE ME.
360
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:01,052
Malory: WELL, HE'S JUST A LOT
MORE HANDSOME.
361
00:12:01,087 --> 00:12:03,487
Archer: YEAH, WHATEVER.
Malory: ZIP IT!
362
00:12:03,522 --> 00:12:05,089
CONWAY, DEAR, THE PLAN?
363
00:12:05,124 --> 00:12:06,491
Conway: USING ARCHER AS BAIT,
364
00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:08,927
WE SLIP IN JUST AHEAD OF THE
REAL CUBANS, CAPTURE SCHMECK,
365
00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:10,728
AND RECOVER THE PLANS.
366
00:12:10,764 --> 00:12:13,998
AND IF WE COULD RUN THIS THING
THROUGH YOUR CONDO, THAT WOULD
BE --
367
00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:15,934
Archer: YOU HAVE A
SOUTH BEACH CONDO?!
368
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:18,169
Conway: OH, HEY, HOW'S THE,
UH, LEMON TREE DOING?
369
00:12:18,204 --> 00:12:21,105
Malory: RAúL SAYS IT ALREADY
HAS TINY LEMONS.
370
00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:22,907
THAT WAS A WONDERFUL THANK-YOU
GIFT.
371
00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:23,974
Conway: WELL, IT WAS A
WONDERFUL WEEKEND.
372
00:12:24,010 --> 00:12:25,944
Malory: IT WAS, WASN'T IT?
373
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:29,547
Archer: YOU WERE THERE, IN
THE CONDO, TOGETHER?!
Conway: YEAH, LAST WEEKEND.
374
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:30,848
Archer: [ VOMITS ]
375
00:12:30,883 --> 00:12:32,016
Malory: OH, FOR -- SEE?!
376
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:33,684
THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU
377
00:12:33,719 --> 00:12:36,120
DRINK ALL DAY AND SKIP LUNCH!
378
00:12:36,155 --> 00:12:39,157
OH, WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE
PAELLA.
379
00:12:39,192 --> 00:12:40,891
Archer: [ VOMITS ]
380
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,293
[ ENGINE WHIRRING ]
381
00:12:42,329 --> 00:12:44,728
Conway: ARCHER, COME ON, MAN.
LET'S GO.
382
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:47,098
Archer: YOU GO!
GET ON THE PLANE, BUCKLE IN,
383
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:50,468
SIT THERE, AND THINK ABOUT HOW
YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME.
384
00:12:50,504 --> 00:12:52,837
HEY, BABE.
GOT ANY EXTRA PUKE BAGS?
385
00:12:52,872 --> 00:12:55,306
Lana: WHY?
YOU TAKING A MORAL INVENTORY?
386
00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:56,307
Archer: JESUS, GOD!
387
00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:57,742
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
388
00:12:57,777 --> 00:12:58,809
Lana: I'M TRYING TO SAVE --
389
00:12:58,845 --> 00:13:00,044
Archer: OUR RELATIONSHIP?
LANA --
390
00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:01,679
- Lana: ARCHER!
- Archer: MAYBE WHEN I GET
391
00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:05,215
BACK, WE CAN WORK OUT SOME KIND
OF BANG-BUDDY DEAL, BUT --
392
00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:06,084
OW!
393
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:09,353
Lana: I WANT YOU TO LISTEN TO
ME.
394
00:13:09,388 --> 00:13:11,188
Archer: WELL, THEN
UNPERFORATE MY EARDRUM!
395
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:14,392
Lana: UN...
HEAD UP YOUR ASS!
396
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:16,661
I THINK CONWAY IS TOTALLY UP TO
SOMETHING.
397
00:13:16,696 --> 00:13:18,730
Archer: DUH!
YOU THINK I'M AN IDIOT?
398
00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:21,432
I KNOW HE WANTS TO MARRY MOTHER
AND MAKE HER CUT ME OUT OF THE
399
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:22,867
- WILL...
- Lana: ARCHER --
400
00:13:22,902 --> 00:13:24,702
Archer: ...WHICH IS WHY
I'M GOING TO KILL HIM.
401
00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:26,203
Lana: OH!
WHATEVER THE REASON --
402
00:13:26,238 --> 00:13:29,073
Archer: IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF
THE WHOLE BLACK-STEPFATHER
THING.
403
00:13:29,108 --> 00:13:29,774
I THINK YOU KNOW ME
BETTER THAN THAT.
404
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,542
Lana: YEAH, I DO.
405
00:13:31,578 --> 00:13:35,046
SO TRY NOT TO DO ANYTHING
STUPID, OKAY?
CONWAY COULD BE DANGEROUS.
406
00:13:35,081 --> 00:13:37,415
Archer: YOU KNOW WHAT'S
DANGEROUS?
YOUR OBSESSION WITH ME.
407
00:13:37,450 --> 00:13:40,051
SERIOUSLY, LANA, CALL
KENNY LOGGINS 'CAUSE YOU'RE IN
408
00:13:40,086 --> 00:13:42,119
THE DANGER ZONE -- FROM
409
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:42,720
"TOP GUN."
410
00:13:42,755 --> 00:13:45,290
Lana: JUST BE CAREFUL.
411
00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:47,926
Archer: NO.
412
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:51,896
Archer: GOD, THIS IS SO...
413
00:13:51,931 --> 00:13:53,397
CLASSIC MOTHER!
414
00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:54,599
Conway: YEAH, IT'S, UH,
415
00:13:54,634 --> 00:13:55,700
PRETTY TASTEFULLY DONE, HUH?
416
00:13:55,735 --> 00:13:57,735
Archer: NO, YOU ASS!
THE SELFISHNESS.
417
00:13:57,771 --> 00:13:59,737
SHE NEVER SHARES ANYTHING
WITH ANYBODY.
418
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:01,739
Cyril: YOU'RE KEEPING THAT
OFFICE FOR YOU?!
419
00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:03,107
Malory: I NEED IT TO ESCAPE
420
00:14:03,142 --> 00:14:05,276
THE GLARE FROM THOSE WINDOWS
ACROSS THE STREET.
421
00:14:05,311 --> 00:14:07,345
Pam: FROM THE -- THERE'S NO
GLARE!
422
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:09,280
Malory: WELL, NOT NOW.
BUT MID-APRIL?
423
00:14:09,315 --> 00:14:11,516
EVERY MORNING FOR ALMOST 20
MINUTES.
424
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:12,717
Cyril: SO, YOU'RE GONNA KEEP
425
00:14:12,752 --> 00:14:14,918
THAT HUGE CORNER OFFICE EMPTY
THE OTHER...
426
00:14:14,954 --> 00:14:16,954
Pam: 90 GAZILLION PERCENT
OF THE TIME...
427
00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:18,856
Cyril: JUST BECAUSE THE GLARE
IS ANNOYING?!
428
00:14:18,891 --> 00:14:21,626
Malory: WELL...
SEMI-ANNOYING.
429
00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:22,927
Conway: OKAY, YOU'RE MEETING
430
00:14:22,962 --> 00:14:25,196
SCHMECK AT THAT CAFé ACROSS
THE STREET DOWN THERE.
431
00:14:25,231 --> 00:14:27,097
Archer: AND, UH, WHY DO YOU
HAVE THAT EXACTLY?
432
00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:28,932
Conway: WELL, YOU NEVER KNOW
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
433
00:14:28,968 --> 00:14:33,003
Archer: YEAH, TWO PEOPLE ALL
ALONE TOGETHER,
DOWN HERE IN SOUTH BEACH...
434
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:35,206
Conway: SO I'D RATHER HAVE IT
AND NOT NEED IT...
435
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:36,874
- Archer: UH-HUH.
- Conway: ...THAN NEED IT AND
436
00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:38,242
- NOT HAVE IT.
- Archer: OH. UH-HUH.
437
00:14:38,277 --> 00:14:39,810
Conway: KIND OF LIKE A
CONDOM, I GUESS,
438
00:14:39,845 --> 00:14:41,078
WHICH ACTUALLY
HAPPENED LAST WEEKEND.
439
00:14:41,113 --> 00:14:42,246
Archer: OH, MY --
[ VOMITS ]
440
00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:44,148
Conway: DAMN, MAN!
I WAS KIDDING.
441
00:14:44,183 --> 00:14:45,683
LOOK, IF YOU'RE TOO NERVOUS --
442
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,352
Archer: I'M FINE, ALL RIGHT?
443
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:50,120
JUST LET ME RINSE OFF
MY MUSTACHE.
444
00:14:50,156 --> 00:14:52,256
Schmeck: YOU ARE MORE
HANDSOME IN YOUR PHOTOS.
445
00:14:52,291 --> 00:14:54,224
Archer: OH.
YEAH, TALK TO ME ABOUT HANDSOME.
446
00:14:54,260 --> 00:14:56,994
Schmeck: AND YOU HAVE NO
TRACE OF CUBAN ACCENT.
447
00:14:57,029 --> 00:14:58,195
Archer: YEAH, IT'S CALLED
448
00:14:58,230 --> 00:14:59,830
TRADECRAFT, GENIUS.
I BLEND.
449
00:14:59,866 --> 00:15:01,398
Conway: JUST SHUT UP AND GET
THE PLANS.
450
00:15:01,433 --> 00:15:02,833
Archer: YOU SHUT UP AND GET
THE PLANS.
451
00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:04,035
Schmeck: WHAT?
452
00:15:04,070 --> 00:15:06,337
Archer: I MEAN, GIVE ME --
ME THOSE PLANS NOW.
453
00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:07,538
- GIVE ME THOSE PLANS.
- Schmeck: YOU MAY HAVE THEM
454
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:09,974
ONCE I CONFIRM THE BALANCE IN
MY SWISS ACCOUNT.
455
00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:11,309
Archer: OH, TELL HIM NOT TO
BOTHER.
456
00:15:11,344 --> 00:15:13,744
- Schmeck: WHAT?
- Archer: WAIT.
WHAT ARE WE DOING?
457
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,246
[ SILENCED GUNSHOT ]
458
00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:17,181
Archer: CONWAY!
WHAT THE SHIT, MAN?!
459
00:15:17,216 --> 00:15:18,549
Conway: WHAT?!
SCHMECK WAS A TRAITOR.
460
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:21,653
Archer: YEAH, AND NOW HE'S
ALL OVER MY $400 CUSTOM SHIRT!
461
00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:23,755
Conway: WELL, I'LL BUY YOU A
NEW ONE.
462
00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:25,323
NOW GRAB THE PLANS
BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!
463
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:26,924
Archer: IT'S ALREADY TOO
LATE...
464
00:15:26,959 --> 00:15:28,292
YES, IT IS!
465
00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:29,626
NOW HAND OVER --
466
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:32,896
Archer: ...BECAUSE IT'S
ALREADY SOAKED INTO THE FIBERS,
DUMBASS!
467
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,432
THIS IS LINEN!
468
00:15:36,302 --> 00:15:39,237
AND THAT IS A CUBAN HIT SQUAD.
469
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,539
Conway: AND YOU MIGHT WANT TO
DUCK.
470
00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:44,575
[ SILENCED GUNSHOTS ]
471
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:46,944
Archer: OH, MY GOD.
472
00:15:46,979 --> 00:15:48,446
CONWAY!
473
00:15:48,481 --> 00:15:49,880
THAT WAS AMAZING!
474
00:15:49,915 --> 00:15:51,015
Conway: YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW.
475
00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:52,149
Archer: NO, SERIOUSLY!
476
00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:54,352
THAT WAS LIKE --
THAT WAS LIKE --
477
00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:56,120
Conway: A CHARLES WHITMAN
SAMPLER?
478
00:15:56,155 --> 00:15:58,155
Archer: DAMN IT! YES!
479
00:15:58,190 --> 00:15:59,323
AND, SERIOUSLY, THANKS.
480
00:15:59,358 --> 00:16:01,659
Conway: OH, DON'T THANK ME
YET.
481
00:16:01,694 --> 00:16:03,060
Archer: WHA-- CONWAY, NO!
482
00:16:03,095 --> 00:16:04,228
[ SILENCED GUNSHOTS ]
483
00:16:04,263 --> 00:16:04,495
[ THUD ]
484
00:16:05,398 --> 00:16:06,964
Conway: NOW YOU CAN THANK ME.
485
00:16:06,999 --> 00:16:09,466
Archer: OH, MY GOD!
YOU SAVED MY LIFE TWICE!
486
00:16:09,501 --> 00:16:11,068
Conway: YOU WOULD HAVE DONE
THE SAME FOR ME.
487
00:16:11,104 --> 00:16:13,171
Archer: NO, I WOULDN'T HAVE!
I MEAN, I WAS ACTUALLY KIND OF
488
00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:15,072
PLANNING TO KILL YOU.
489
00:16:15,108 --> 00:16:17,675
Conway: WAIT. WHAT?!
Archer: I KNOW, I KNOW.
NOW I'M TOTALLY EMBARRASSED.
490
00:16:17,710 --> 00:16:20,578
Conway: HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
WATER UNDER THE BRIDGE, DUDE.
491
00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:22,079
MATTER OF FACT, COME HERE.
LET'S MAN-HUG IT.
492
00:16:22,114 --> 00:16:24,215
Archer: ALL RIGHT. OKAY.
UM, YEAH.
493
00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:27,785
Conway: I MEAN, AFTER ALL, WE
ARE GONNA BE FAMILY, ONCE I
MARRY YOUR MOM.
494
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:31,755
Archer: WHAT?!
Conway: I'M KIDDING!
GOD, RELAX, MAN!
495
00:16:31,790 --> 00:16:35,926
Archer: 'CAUSE FOR A SECOND
THERE, I WAS LIKE -- I MEAN, NOT
IN A RACIST WAY -- BUT --
496
00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:38,629
CONWAY?
Conway: YEAH, BUDDY.
497
00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:40,698
Archer: ARE THERE MORE BAD
GUYS BEHIND ME?
498
00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:43,301
Conway: NOPE.
Archer: YOU DICK.
499
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:46,203
[ THUD ]
Conway: [ LAUGHS ]
500
00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:48,572
YOU DUMBASS!
I SET THIS WHOLE THING UP.
501
00:16:48,607 --> 00:16:50,541
I JUST NEEDED A STAND-IN FOR
THOSE BROKE-ASS CUBANS.
502
00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:53,611
Archer: YEAH, I GET IT.
Conway: I MEAN, COME ON.
503
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:56,847
THE CHINESE WILL PAY FIVE TIMES
AS MUCH FOR THE WHISPER DRIVE.
504
00:16:56,882 --> 00:16:59,550
AND ONCE THEY DO?
LET'S JUST SAY YOU BETTER LEARN
HOW TO USE SOME CHOPSTICKS,
505
00:16:59,585 --> 00:17:00,818
BUDDY.
506
00:17:00,853 --> 00:17:03,020
Archer: CONWAY, WAIT!
JUST ANSWER ME ONE QUESTION.
507
00:17:03,056 --> 00:17:05,989
Conway: YEAH, MAKE IT QUICK.
MY RIDE'S HERE.
508
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,224
Archer: [ WHEEZES ]
509
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:09,526
Conway: AND YOUR LUNGS ARE
FILLING UP WITH BLOOD.
510
00:17:09,561 --> 00:17:12,262
Archer: DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH
MY MOTHER?!
511
00:17:12,298 --> 00:17:14,899
Conway: WAIT. WHAT?
THAT IS YOUR ONLY QUESTION?
512
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:20,170
NOT WHO AM I, NOT HOW DID I
INFILTRATE ISIS, OR WHO THE
HELL'S FLYING THE HELICOPTER?
513
00:17:20,206 --> 00:17:21,806
Archer: JUST ANSWER THE
QUESTION!
514
00:17:21,841 --> 00:17:25,510
Conway: NO, ARCHER, I DIDN'T
HAVE SEX WITH YOUR MOM!
515
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:26,911
Archer: OH, THANK GOD!
516
00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:30,181
THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A TOUGH
IMAGE TO GET OUT OF MY HEAD.
THANK YOU.
517
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:33,284
Conway: THAT RIGHT THERE --
THAT KIND OF RACISM IS EXACTLY
518
00:17:33,319 --> 00:17:35,386
WHY I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE TINY
519
00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:37,555
LITTLE CHINESE BOOTS ON YOUR
520
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:40,190
WHITE-ASS NECKS...
521
00:17:40,226 --> 00:17:42,093
WHICH MAY SOUND HYPOCRITICAL, I
522
00:17:42,128 --> 00:17:46,096
KNOW, BUT -- WOULD YOU GO?!
523
00:17:46,132 --> 00:17:48,932
WHAT THE --
Lana: SORRY, CONWAY.
524
00:17:48,968 --> 00:17:51,301
WAIT.
SHIT, I HAD SOMETHING FOR THIS.
525
00:17:51,336 --> 00:17:53,237
Conway: IS IT SOMETHING LIKE,
526
00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:55,539
"YOU DON'T GET OFF THE HOOK THAT
EASY"?
527
00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:57,408
Lana: DAMN IT!
Archer: HE'S GOOD AT THOSE.
528
00:17:57,443 --> 00:18:00,043
Lana: WELL, CRAWL ON OVER
THERE AND BLOW HIM.
Archer: HEY, C'MON.
529
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,079
NOW DROP THE CASE, CONWAY!
530
00:18:02,114 --> 00:18:04,515
Conway: IT'S CUFFED ON,
WOMAN!
531
00:18:04,550 --> 00:18:06,984
[ GROANS ]
AND HOW THE HELL ARE YOUR HANDS
532
00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:09,320
THAT FRICKING STR--
533
00:18:09,355 --> 00:18:10,354
AAAHH!
534
00:18:10,389 --> 00:18:11,455
Lana: EW.
535
00:18:11,490 --> 00:18:15,058
Conway: YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE
LAST OF CONWAY STERN...
536
00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:18,662
WHICH IS NOT MY REAL NA-A-A-ME!
537
00:18:18,697 --> 00:18:20,497
Archer: SO, LET ME GUESS.
538
00:18:20,532 --> 00:18:24,801
Lana: YEAH, WHOEVER HE IS, HE
GHOSTED AN I.D. FILE INTO OUR
WORLDWIDE DATABASE.
539
00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:29,340
Archer: WHICH YOU PROBABLY
FOUND WHILE RESEARCHING ME,
540
00:18:29,375 --> 00:18:33,744
LANA, 'CAUSE YOU'RE IN THE, UH,
DANGER ZONE!
[ COUGHS ]
541
00:18:33,779 --> 00:18:38,782
Lana: AND THOSE WERE HIS LAST
WORDS RIGHT BEFORE HE BLED TO
DEATH ON THE RUG.
542
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:40,184
Malory: WHICH RUG?!
543
00:18:40,219 --> 00:18:41,952
[ CHUCKLES ]
GOOD.
544
00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:43,887
I THOUGHT YOU MEANT IN THE
BEDROOM.
545
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:45,756
NO, THAT ONE IS JUST JUTE.
546
00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:47,191
EXACTLY.
547
00:18:47,226 --> 00:18:50,394
GUESTS COME IN FROM THE BEACH.
THEY'RE ALL SANDY OR WHATEVER,
548
00:18:50,429 --> 00:18:54,064
AND -- SUSPENSION?
LANA, DEAR, YOU ARE GETTING A
BONUS!
549
00:18:54,099 --> 00:18:59,403
MY GOD, YOU FOILED THAT
PERFIDIOUS CONWAY, SAVED
STERLING'S --
550
00:18:59,439 --> 00:19:01,672
ALL RIGHT.
JUST PULL THE KNIFE OUT.
551
00:19:01,707 --> 00:19:03,173
Archer: [ GROANS ]
552
00:19:03,209 --> 00:19:05,543
Malory: AND THEN SLAP SARAN
WRAP ON THE HOLE.
553
00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:08,312
[ GASPS ]
BUT LEAVE ME ENOUGH TO MAKE
GUACAMOLE.
554
00:19:08,347 --> 00:19:10,147
NO, YOU SQUEEZE LEMON JUICE
555
00:19:10,182 --> 00:19:11,982
OVER IT, THEN SMOOSH THE SARAN
556
00:19:12,017 --> 00:19:13,884
WRAP RIGHT DOWN ON TOP.
557
00:19:13,919 --> 00:19:15,485
THAT WAY, IT DOESN'T GO BROWN.
558
00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:17,822
OH, LET THE PARAMEDICS DO THAT.
559
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:19,490
YOU JUST HAVE FUN, DEAR.
560
00:19:19,525 --> 00:19:21,091
MM-HMM. BYE!
561
00:19:21,126 --> 00:19:22,760
OH, DAMN!
562
00:19:22,795 --> 00:19:24,061
NOW I BET SHE'S GOING TO SQUEEZE
563
00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:25,996
UP ALL MY BRAND-NEW LEMONS!
564
00:19:26,031 --> 00:19:27,764
AND I'LL HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO
565
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,366
REMIND ME OF CONWAY.
566
00:19:29,401 --> 00:19:31,569
EXCEPT HIS LITTLE MOCHA
LOVE CHILD.
567
00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:32,569
Malory: HIS WHAT?!
568
00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:35,105
YEAH!
Malory: YOU HAD SEX WITH
CONWAY?!
569
00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:37,274
YEAH, AND HE TOTALLY
IMPREGNATED ME.
570
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:38,742
Malory: WAIT.
571
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,344
HE WAS ONLY HERE TWO DAYS.
572
00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:42,546
HOW IS THAT PREGNANCY TEST
SHOWING POSITIVE?
573
00:19:42,582 --> 00:19:45,282
OH, THIS IS JUST A DETERGENT
PEN.
574
00:19:45,317 --> 00:19:47,418
I JUST PUT A LITTLE BLUE STICKER
ON IT.
42918
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