Original subtitles

I just can't seem to get it right today

Just can't seem to get it right today Just

can't seem to get it right today I

guess I'm gonna give up oh,

I guess I'm gonna give up it's

nearly been a year since he's been we

still sing a good vibe songs,

Mr. Nose. She should move on but

she just can't let em go no,

she just can't let em go well, first and

foremost, you have to take care of

yourself, because nobody else will get a

mani, pedi, wax your lady business. You

know, whatever it is, do it for yourself,

not for him. Thank you, Kate. I know

you're right. Or else before you know it,

you're wandering down the aisles of super

scrounging for free samples in your give

ups. Give ups? Yeah. Sweatpants sweats in

public are give ups, no matter how cute

they are or what they say across the ass.

Because that's what you're telling the

world. I give up and I'm hungry. Hey,

sweatpants are a perfectly comfortable

option. I wear them. Michelle Obama wears

them. Baez wears them. Point is, Kate,

you have Ryan, so it doesn't matter what

you wear. You're right, Lucy. It doesn't

matter. But for the record, I call my

sweatpants moveons because that's what I'm

doing when I wear them. And right now,

I'm gonna be moving on to weather with

Hazy Daisy and Morning Madness. Daisy,

Take it away. Is this what it's

gonna be like every morning? You taking

snipes at me and making swipes at Baez?

Because that's not making this any easier.

Well, Cheerious Hell can't make it any

harder. You guys are doing great.

Better than I thought. This isn't awkward

at all.

If Bug wanted to work things out, he would

have called by now. Hmm. Same with Gavin.

I can't believe what jerks our boyfriend's

turned into. Yours takes off when you ask

him to treat you better, and mine dry

humps a skateboarding tramp behind my

back. I can't believe he did that to you,

though. For all I know, Bug could be doing

the same thing. Or maybe he's lying in a

ditch somewhere, left for dinner, dead

comforting Tosh. Like a warm blanket.

Oh, whatever. He'll be back sooner or

later. You'll see. Bug's a good guy deep

down. It just feels like everyone I know

is disappearing. I'm here. No, you're

three hours away. What happened with Kate?

Did you guys talk? Why bother? She doesn't

get it? No one does. What about Bays?

Bays is milking a cow.

Hold on, Tash. What? I thought we were

gonna squeeze in some driving lessons

before school. I'm not feeling it. And you

suck at miming. Well, how about school?

Are you feeling school? Cause I'm feeling

it. Maybe Monday.

Oh, I gotta admit, I was psyched about

having Lux stay with us, but she's so

depressing. And how long can she cry over

a guy with a web on his neck? She'll get

over. Yeah, like you got over Kate. You

and Jamie really need some new material.

And I don't want to dampen your new

adventures in Daddyland, but you can't

keep letting Lux skip school. It's two

days in a row now. I'll have her back

Monday. I don't want to push her too hard.

You know, kids need to be pushed. And Lux

needs friends, which can't make if she's

never at school. She has friends. Name

one. Tasha. One that lives in Portland.

Oh, come on. How can my kid not have

friends? She does. There's the

beer delivery guy. What's his face?

Manuelo. Manuello. Always chatting it up.

Oh, what the hell?

Hey. Hey.

You okay, little dude? Yeah. Yeah, it

backfires now and then. You're. Lux is

dead, right? I think I remember you

yelling and screaming. Bugs stole your

car, remember? What are you doing here?

Um, I have stuff for Lux. Homework.

Thought she might want it. Math could have

done that. I. I have volunteered.

You're checking up on her? I saw how that

Bug guy was to her. I just thought she

could use a friend. So you

consider yourself a friend of Lux's?

Yeah. I don't know if Lux told you

about the bike thing and Bike? A Bug, but

Bug's out of the picture. Exterminated,

so to speak. I mean, not dead. He just

took off. So we should be seeing a decline

of auto theft soon. And luxury. Is she

okay? If okay means moody and antisocial,

yeah, she's okay.

You know,

you could do me a favor. And saying that

you clearly want an excuse to see Lux,

maybe it's not that much of a favor to

ask. After all, I know a great mechanic.

He can check out your wheels, no cost to

you. All you have to do is say yes.

What's the question? You're asking

me out, like, on a date? Why? What do you

mean, why? Cause I want to go out with

you. What do you have in mind?

I stand in a cheering section at one of

your games. We share a milkshake at the

Dairy Hut. Don't hate on milkshakes. You

know what I mean. You're. You're

Abercrombie. I'm the foster freak.

Bongirl. There's an inherent compatibility

issue. Really? I thought it was a classic

story. Boy meets bong girl, boy tries to

kiss bond girl, boy awkwardly asks out

bond girl. How about this?

You and me, tomorrow. No cheering section,

no milkshakes. I think I know something

you'll love. How do you know what I love?

I have my ways. But you won't find out

unless you say yes.

I love my job. I do. Especially since Lux

is gone, Ryan dumped me, and my job is all

I have left anymore. That's the spirit.

No. You can't realistically expect Ryan

and I to keep pretending to being engaged

and in love when our entire relationship

has fallen apart. What I can't do is keep

changing the show to match your latest

crisis. I'm not even a producer anymore.

I'm a janitor. I mopped up the Lux thing,

the engagement thing, the baes thing with

corporate and our audience, and now

everyone loves Kate and Ryan, the happy

couple. So, until further notice, that's

who you are, right?

I made my bed. Now I have to lie about it.

Awesome. I know that it's tough, but,

hey, maybe you guys will work things out.

Or, hey, maybe we won't. You know, as long

as Ryan is baring his teeth at me, it's

not like I'm gonna say, hey, here, here.

Here's my heart. Why don't you chew it up

again? You know, between him calling off

the engagement and Lux leaving me for

baes. None of that. I need you to buck up

and keep it together, okay? Breaking down

is not an option. I know. I won't. I just

need the weekend off so I don't have to

think about Ryan and engagements and

weddings. That's funny.

You're kidding, right?

Do you know what tomorrow is? Saturday.

Okay, I'm going to try again. Do you

remember after we announced your

engagement, you and Ryan agreed to be the

at the bridal expo? Wait, you didn't

cancel that? No, I didn't cancel that. I.

I can't just cancel it, Kate. There is a

lot, a lot of money involved, and we're

using the expo to launch the new marketing

campaign. What new marketing campaign?

Remember, you said it yourself. You love

your job.

Bent or broken, it's a family tree.

Each branch a part of a

part of me. This is my tree.

And it's a beautiful tree.

Hell with a bridal expo. I kind of did And

I don't want to add any unnecessary

pressure because I know, I know you're on

the verge of going postal. What? Oh,

ballroom dancing, bridal photo shoot,

nearly wed game. What? No practicing

for the wedding night to dial this day up

to completely insufferable. Okay, let's

think. More bubbly brideless, unbridled

bitch. It's fine. Fine. I can do it.

Only eight hours. How hard can it be?

Hey, you're asking for the happy couple on

stage. That's us. You can

do this. Remember Bubbly Jones,

My man. Hey, how's the car running?

Great. Yeah, you really didn't have to do

that, man. Hey, just helping a brother

out. Okay, now you have everything you

need? Gas money, road sodas,

tofurky jerky. You were good. Okay, let me

go get her.

Hey, what are you doing? John's is here.

I know, right on time. This is already a

disaster. Who goes on dates at 9am?

Well, apparently little dude's got big

plans. He says it's a surprise.

Surprise. Worst date ever.

Bug never would have picked me up at 9am

and when the waiter brought my nachos,

there it was around a jalapeno, my

engagement ring. And then the mariachi

band was playing Here Comes the Bride and

I was like, see? Oscar? Ccc.

Wow. Yeah. Much as gracious Ashley.

Okay, now please welcome our radio hosts

from K100's Morning Madness, Kate and

Ryan.

We can do this, right? If anybody can lie,

it's you. Now they're going to share their

engagement story while we tally the votes.

What up, Portland?

And congratulations. You girls are a tough

act to follow. I'm right. The classic

nacho story. How charming is that?

So if you're a fan of Morning Madness,

you already know our story. Proposing to

Kate was like going on a Japanese game

show. There's a lot of yelling, a lot of

things being thrown at your head. Oh, it

was one remote. I felt ambushed.

Or as some women say, surprised.

But I tried again. It was touch and go

there for a while, but she finally

said yes.

Well, actually, I asked you back.

And you said yes.

Yeah, I sure did.

I think that Philip has our winner.

Phillip. Okay, you guys

want to know who won? All right. Yeah,

in a little while. I cannot pretend.

If you were lost, would you admit it? Cuz

we seem really lost.

Feels like we've been driving for like two

days. We're not lost. One, two,

three.

Shut up. What?

Who gave you this mix? What do you mean?

I made it. Change it if you want. No, no,

I love it.

The Shaky Hands, Red Fang, the Dirty

Mittens. You pretty much exactly have the

same taste in music. And me and my

friend Tasha saw the Shaky Hands at Pop

Now. No way. Last July.

I was there, but that place was tiny.

I probably spilled a drink on you.

I remember that. I can't believe you

liked them. This is a

cheesy romantic comedy. It's a giving. We

felt totally in love. Realize we are

soulmates. Hello to

you, best friends.

You might be the only father in America

who's actually encouraging his daughter's

dating life. Okay, here's a reality check.

See that couch? No Lux. Why?

Because Lux is out having fun with her

friend, the high school quarterback. Now,

what do you think about that, huh? Whoa.

Phone's on vibrate. And why is Ryan

texting you, huh? Maybe he's finally

apologizing. For what? For punching you

off the car. I mean, what was that about?

What did you ever do to him? Yeah, who

knows? That's not my phone.

That's Lux's phone. Let me look at this.

Dude, invasion of privacy. No, no, no.

Why is Ryan texting Lux?

Hang in there, kiddo. Sorry to hear about

Bug, but Jones sounds like he's a good

guy. Okay,

why is Lux talking to Ryan about Jones?

I'm the Jones connection. There would be

no Jones without me. Baze, put it down.

Seriously. Okay, okay, listen to this.

I'm at a bridal expo all day, but how does

next Saturday sound for car shopping?

He's buying her a new car. Are you kidding

me? She won't even let me give her driving

lessons. I try to get her a car, he knocks

me off of it. She didn't talk to me about

boys. I mean, no wonder I can't get any

traction. I'm being secretly undermined by

Captain Jerksauce. Whatever you're

doing, don't. What? What? What single

guy doesn't love bridal expos? I mean,

I'm just gonna go and I'm going to do a

little drive by, take in the new tuxedo

trends, peruse a new china pattern or two,

and I'm gonna show Ryan that just because

he punched me off of the car does not mean

that he won the fight. It's not a good

idea.

I now pronounce you husband and Marie.

Oh, sweetie, it's one photo of her

website. You don't have to find the gown.

Just one that's not hideous. Oh, they're

all hideous on me. They really are. That

not helping. Look, if you want to cry,

now's the time to do it. You've got four

minutes. I'm not gonna cry. I just keep

thinking how I am supposed to be one of

those girls. You know, mean, with a

Florence tasting. Kate. I love Kate.

Do you want me to get you tissue? No, I'm

fine. Because now I'm not one of those

girls. And I'm not gonna be. And I just

have to be okay with that. Are you sure?

You still got three and a half minutes.

Will you stop timing me? All right, well,

eyes and the prize. If you can get through

this, you can get through anything. The

show alienating your loved ones,

being alone for the rest of your life.

Hello, albino mermaid. Oh, this is

impossible. Just choose one and

meet me. Okay.

What the hell is this? I told you you

didn't have to come with me. I wanted to.

To support you. Where's Kate? Hi,

we're looking for Kate and Ryan. Yeah,

who isn't? They're backstage. We'll find

them. I'm sorry, Ed. You know Kate and

Ryan? Yeah. I'm the father of Kate's kid

and this big guy wishes he was. You're BAE

Baz, from the show? Yeah. Heard you were

quite spectacle at the car show last week.

You're becoming a K100 staple. That's me.

I just can't stay away. Alice, Never mind

the super fans. I got something much

better. Do you want to come with me? Come

on.

This is it? Yep.

Am I meeting your grandparents? Because

that would be really weird for a first

date.

Oh, my God.

Tasha.

You made it.

Sometimes. How did you know? I called her

and got the address. I mean, we could

still go to the Dairy Hut if you'd rather.

Sometimes you find they miss

you so much without interfering.

Not all darkness,

it's not all light.

Is anyone out there? Alice, if you were

out there laughing at me, I'm going to

kill you.

I can help.

Okay. Want to fight

it? Sit with me tonight.

Wow. I know, right? What a joke.

I mean, it just took me a little while to

find a dress. This is the only one that

doesn't make me look totally marshmallowy.

You don't look marshmallowy at all.

You look beautiful.

That's exactly how I'd imagined. Not that

I was thinking about it for hours, you

know? Yeah. I had this image of what I

thought you might look like on our wedding

day, and I'm glad I

got to see it. Well, now you can go back

to hating me. I don't hate you, Kate.

If I hated you, this wouldn't be so hard.

You're not the only one trying to make it

through the day. Is that all we're trying

to do? I mean,

I know that we're over and I'm moving on,

and that's fine. But if you don't want

to. Look, Kate, I mean,

if we can pretend like this from the

world, act like nothing happened,

can't we just do that for ourselves?

Doesn't work like that. We can try.

Can we? What is

taking so long? Ryan, you're supposed to

be getting her. Yeah, right. Kate, we have

a photo shoot. Just forget. We'll do it

later. We're behind schedule. Right. Lee,

wait. Talk later.

Are you still good? Good.

Here, put this on. Couple things real

quick. One, this will be over soon.

Two, I had nothing to do with picking out

the contestants. What contestants? And you

look so pretty.

K100 welcomes you to our main featuring

our blushing ride to be Kate Cassidy and

her fiance, Ryan Thomas.

Now, you two are just months away from

your big day. But, Ryan, how well do you

really know Kate? Well, I'd say. I'd say

it's around 70 to 85% on a good day. What

am I, a pie chart?

Now, today you're gonna have to to prove

that you know the person you're about to

marry better than anyone else. If I can

have you sit over here.

And to give Ryan a run for his money,

please welcome our contestants, two super

fans of Morning Madness, Kate's high

school stalker, Matthew.

Huh? I'm. I'm not a stalker.

I'm a longtime fan. Okay, and tell them

I'm not a stalker. And you know him from

the show, Kate's high school crush, Bane.

What the hell is going on?

What are you doing here? Oh, you know me,

K100 super fan.

Love these contests. Best of luck to you,

Ryan. And welcome to the Nearly Wed game.

Now remember, just because they look like

the perfect couple doesn't mean they are.

So I have been doing well. Really well,

until the happen. You need to make this

the opposite of happening. Really knows

Kate as well as he thinks. I'll take it

from here. Thank you, Philip. Thank you.

Well, this should be fun and brief

since everyone knows that Kate and Ryan

are a match made in heaven. Right? So I'll

ask a question, guys. You will write down

an answer. You know, you're unbelievable.

Do you not know any boundaries? You're one

to talk. What's next for Lox's starter

home? Excuse me, guys. You'll write down

your answers, and whoever matches Kate

wins the point.

Bring it.

So it's okay. Here. It's whatever.

I was right. They just wanted a

babysitter. Yeah, like the Owens.

Do you remember Chuck and Rachel? Oh,

yeah, the Children of the Corn. Didn't

they, like, try to set you on fire? I

still flinch whenever someone strikes

Match.

So Jones, he's cuter

than I remember.

You know, he was at that show. The shaky

hands we snuck into. Huh? Bug never

would have done anything this thoughtful.

Not true. He would have driven you here in

a stolen car. Speaking of, he.

He called. He's in Sacramento at some

hostel. Rose something. I wrote his number

down and I told him if he talks to Gavin,

tell him to suck it.

I don't know if I want it.

I told Bug he was a to leave.

Take it anyway. In case you change your

mind.

And we have Matt at zero and Ryan

at two and surprisingly Faze at

three.

Pens down. Everyone ready? The question

was, what is Kate's favorite song? Math.

What does that say? I couldn't remember

the name, but she sang it in a talent show

sophomore year. Something about the snow

coming down in June and the sun going

around the moon. All right,

babe. What is Bitchin?

Camaro? It's the name of a song. It's also

the name of my first car, which my father

gave me. Not some freak fake stuff.

Father figure, but my actual father.

That's what this is about? Oh, it's not

just about the car. Dude. I saw the texts.

Way out of line. Can we just. We don't

keep this moving. Okay? Ryan.

Hello. What's on your card? The luckiest

Ben Folds Five. Finally, an actual answer.

And if Kate carved matches, Ryan wins

around cake.

Did you scratch your ass off? All right,

game over, people. Let's go cake tasting.

No, no, no, no, no. Not so fast.

We have one last question for the

tiebreaker, right? Let's switch it up

to the last question. It's T. Here we go.

What is your number one relationship?

Deal breaker. Listen, I get

that you and Kate have issues. I just

don't care. I wasn't buying Lux

a car, you jackass. I was buying myself a

car. I told her I give her my old one.

Yeah, you feel stupid now? No, cuz it's

still not okay. I said you have no

business chatting with her about boys

either, Okay? I am the one responsible for

her date with Jones. I made him ask her

out. Oh, right, that's not gonna come back

to bite you in the ass. Good job, dad.

That's right, I'm her dad. Me. Okay? So

until you stop stepping on My turf. I'm

going to be all over yours. Time's up,

Math. What is

your relationship deal breaker? Well, I

was trying to decide whether you meant my

deal breaker or a general deal breaker.

Then I realized if I were dating Kate,

there'd really be only one thing that

would end our relationship.

The apocalypse. Sure,

babe.

Wow. No car. Okay, perhaps you

misunderstood the question. And, Ryan, if

you've written actual words on paper, you

win my relationship deal breaker.

Baze.

Okay, that's awful. I know. That was

awful. Dude. Ryan, wait up. Go away. You

want to be the parent? Go be one. Look, B

is a deal breaker for me, too. Oh, this.

I love this. I'm the bad guy now? I'm the

deal breaker? You're mad. I get that your

relationship with Kate fell apart. You're

upset. But you cannot keep taking it out

on me by sabotaging my relationship with.

If anyone is going to give Lux a clunker,

it should be me. In fact, I was going to

give her a new car, but you punched me off

of it. You know, I wouldn't have punched

you off of it if you weren't such a sleaze

bag. Sleaze bag? Yeah, you know, the kind

of guy who sleeps with another man's

fiance. What? Oh,

that is what I am talking about. Dude.

Keep it separated. I didn't even know you

existed when I slept with Kate. It wasn't

like she was calling out your name. She

asked me not to say anything, and I

didn't. So if I did anything wrong, it's

that I listened to Kate. What the hell is

the matter with you? Ryan's right. You are

a sleazebag. Math. Come on, man. Get your

own ride. Nate, that's great.

You know what? Base is right. For Once he

said something that makes sense. It's not

his fault. The real question is, what the

hell is wrong with you?

Ryan? Ryan. You know, earlier, you asked

me if we could put this all behind us, if

we could just go on pretending. But that's

all you ever do. You pretend like

nothing's happening when it is. You act

like everything is okay when it's not.

And then you lie to protect whatever twist

of reality you've created for yourself.

No, I told you the truth. I told you about

Babe. Accidentally doesn't count. You want

to be honest? Then you tell me why you did

it. Why was he worth trashing our

relationship? God, Ryan, he wasn't. It was

stupid. It was a mistake. I don't even

know why I did it. Yeah, you don't know if

you'd risk everything, everything that we

had, on something stupid, some mistake,

then you're even more screwed up than I

thought. Don't bother trying to fix us,

Kate. Just fix your.

You just had to put this song on that's

been stuck in my head for days. Well,

it's something to remember me by. I could

drive you again sometime. To Tasha's or

wherever. You know, it's only, like,

seven hours to Whistler.

Don't take this the wrong way, but I

thought today was gonna be a disaster and

sucked so bad since Tosh left.

Bug. But today was

the first time I felt like someone else

got me. You know,

it sounds corny. Even the word corny

sounds corny. But what you did

today was really thoughtful.

I want to tell you something. Okay.

Earlier, when you asked me how I knew

about Tasha's, I didn't say because.

I don't know. I wanted you to think it was

my idea. Well, whose was it? Your dad's?

When I brought you your homework

yesterday, my lame excuse

to see you. I ran into Bayes first.

I was having car trouble, and he offered

to hook me up with his mechanic if I asked

you out. I'm sorry, what? He just wanted

me to get you to the house, get your mind

off bugs in exchange for a tune up. No, I

mean. I mean, that was. That was a bonus.

Not that I needed a bonus. I just.

I. I was worried you'd get the wrong idea

if you found out. And that's why I wanted

to tell you myself, because I

like you. But B Had to tell you to ask me

out. He told you about Tasha? Did. Did he

give you a list of bands I like too? No,

I was up till 2am making this mix. Look,

Lux, the only reason why I told you is

because it's not a big deal. It is a big

deal. And if you don't get that,

then you don't get me.

Hey. You're back from your date.

You mean your date. What's wrong? What

happened? Really, what happened?

You know what happened. You know where we

went, you know who we saw. You probably

had the car tapped and were listening to

our conversation the whole time. Ooh. You

know, I didn't think of that.

Oh, come on, Lux. Lux,

I'm sorry, all right? You have just been

so bummed about everything, and then Jones

shows up, and I could tell that he liked

you. He just needed some tips. Sounds like

his dating Google.

God, you're lame.

I wanted you to be happy. Joan seemed

like a good kid. Then you date him, he's

available. And the next time that you want

to cheer me up, don't.

Hi. I'm looking for a guy named

Bobby. Bobby Guthrie. I'm sorry.

He also goes by Buck. Oh, Bug.

He's not here right now, but I can take

your number. It's all right. I.

Actually, can you leave him a message?

Say that Lux called and tell

him to come home.

Listen, talk. This is just going to take

that much longer, and neither of us want

that. You were right.

It's overstepping with Lux, and I'm sorry.

You know, I. I get that you're a father,

all right? And I want to respect that.

But she's a part of my life now, and if

she wants me to be there for her, I'm

gonna be. She said enough people

disappoint her.

Can I say something now?

Buy you a beer. That's the least you can

do.

Listen, if I promise to step off your dad

turf, will you please stop showing up at

the radio events?

Gladly. Gladly.

It's biggie to come down here and that you

screwed up.

You. And you were right about Jones.

Definitely bit me in the ass, folks found

out, huh? Yeah. Now she won't talk

to me, she won't talk to Kate.

I'd ask math to help, but I

think you can help a brother out.

Hey,

Ryan. Hey. What. What are

you doing here? You know, just checking in

on you. Wow, nice shower curtain.

You must be really angry at Kate to want

to crash here. I've had worse. At least I

don't have to deal with Kate's cooking.

What, you don't miss waking up to the

smell of burning bacon? Or burning

oatmeal? Hey, do you remember when she

roasted a duck with a plastic bag of guts

still in it? Another reason I don't eat

meat. It looks like the guy from Texas

Chainsaw Massacre. Yeah.

So I hear you have been putting base

through the ringer. He lied to

me. Jones did, too.

It felt so stupid.

Bug may have not been perfect,

but he never lied. He just yelled at you

and took off. Look,

Lex, maybe you should give some credit

to the people that are here. I mean, if

you want people to really get to know you,

like Bug did and Tasha,

you have to give them a chance.

I mean, you really think this guy Jones is

only interested just because Baz asked him

to be? I mean, no matter how

screwed up the way they did it was, you

have two guys in your life who went out of

their way to make you happy.

Two guys that really care about you three,

actually.

You okay? I've been better.

I miss the smell of burning bacon too.

Oh, my baby please don't

forget you love me don't forget you

love me today I

don't want to feel like this

But I'm so tired of missing you

I don't want wanna beg for your

time I want you mine

oh, mine I

wish I wasn't so fragile

Baby, please don't forget

to love me don't forget you love

me today oh,

my bab. Please don't forget

you love me don't forget you love

me today I

bet you smile when you think of me

I want to go back to before you knew me as

Bond Girl. Before Bugs stole your car.

Before Baz told you. Whatever he told you

to make you go out with me. He didn't make

me do anything. Let me finish.

I want to get to know you I

think you're someone. I want to get to

know me so I want to start over.

Ms. Princess.

How do we do that?

Hi.

Hi. I'm Jones.

Baby, don't forget you love me.