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Morning, boss. How's the brains department?

Your secretary said you were covering something big.

Oh, I catch. Barnum made a million bucks painting an elephant white.

This white elephant cost a million bucks.

If it's Mammoth Picture, you don't have to stand in line.

An empty theater guaranteed with the purchase of a ticket.

Yeah?

New York office called, they're holding a wake

and what time is Mammoth's funeral?

And they pour salt into my gaping wound.

Sure. New York’s supposed to furnish the money,

not worry what becomes of it.

I produce good pictures, but there's no interest.

No publicity.

I was waiting for you to pass the buck to me.

What put across Lamarr, Turner, Sheridan?

The build up, publicity.

But you, my demon press agent...

Show me just one mention of Mammoth Pictures. Just one.

They won't take the stuff on La Tour. Not even for fill-ins.

He's done so many gangster pictures,

they belch when I announce him.

We need a new angle.

Something fresh the public will go for.

Go on, keep turning. I'm just trying to impress upon you

the importance of this next picture.

If we don't get a hit, it's curtains for the New York office.

Say, is this one for the book.

Associated Press picked up a blurb from a Kansas gazette.

"Joe Ruddy from our town of Emoryville

has seen 465 moving pictures.

Joe has not only become our local movie vane,

but he can tell the managers of the Bijou theater

how many people will attend each show.

We're also mighty proud of our Joe,

we've nominated him 'Public Picture Fan Number 1.'"

"Public Picture Fan Number 1."

There's our publicity.

Joe, the little man, Main Street...

The cross section that can't afford champagne or 4:40 shows.

Joe, the pulse of the people.

Just an average picture goer.

All right, Sousa, save it.

But make it loud when you meet Joe at the station.

How will we know him? He didn't send any pictures.

I'll know Joe. Didn't I recognize the Siamese twins?

Yes, that's...

Dear Cousin Vera, blight of my life.

What's the idea of dragging me herewith this circus?

You're gonna meet Joe.

You're the sex appeal of Mammoth Pictures.

Only nobody knows about it.

I've been here a year and haven't been on screen, once.

Your loss is my gain, darling.

Miss, excuse me...

Sorry. We're not casting midgets today.

And then he asked me to go to a drive-in, and I said:

"No, it's the Macumba or nothing."

To the station, everybody!

The cars are at the gate.

- Oh, my foot! - Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, I hope Joe's tall, dark and dangerous...

But I'm Joe...

Oh!

Say, that's swell, but where are you going?

We're going to meet Joe.

- But I'm Joe. - Hello, Joe...

Hello, Joe!

I'm glad you recognize me, Mr. Harris.

I'm Harris.

I recognized you the moment I saw you, Joe.

Hold it, Mr. Harris.

But your train isn’t in yet, Joe.

- I didn't come by train. - Did you fly?

- No, I came by bus. - Bus?

I thought I'd save you some money.

- Here. There's your change. - Thanks.

Confidentially, I can use it.

Let's take another. Kill that first one.

All right, go on. Give till it hurts.

It will.

How I hate the smell of new mown hay.

Joe, you darling!

Oh...

I think I'm gonna like Hollywood.

Hooray!

And in bringing Joe to Hollywood,

I knew he'd appeal not only to the intelligentsia,

but to all Americans.

And speaking for Mammoth Productions,

we will make only the type of picture that Joe thinks the public wants.

It's why we brought him out here.

The first of these will be The King of Crime.

And in conclusion, may I say,

that as the cherry tree gave you Washington,

the log cabin gave you Lincoln,

the elephant gives you Joe.

Hello, everybody!

Hello, darling.

Now that you've run the gamut of emotion from nothing to zero,

go entertain Joe.

Did you invite me to play boy meets girl again with that squirt?

Yes, cousin dear.

- Goodnight. - Just a minute.

Joe likes you and the press liked Joe, and he's my bread and butter.

- Go on. - Okay...

But after this, you go without bread and butter,

or I go into a picture.

Joe, you see so many pictures,

who do you think is the perfect Hollywood glamour girl?

Well, I've... I've never given it much thought.

But you like pretty girls, Joe?

Do I? I'll say I do. The minute I hit Hollywood, I...

You mean, you wanna know my idea of a Hollywood glamour girl?

- Absolutely. - Well...

- She's got big eyes... - Mm-hm.

And pretty lips, and...

Wow.

Everybody!

Joe has just picked out the perfect Hollywood glamour girl,

Miss Vera Valaine.

I don't think I hear very well these days.

Maybe we got something and don't know it.

Remember, he's picture goer number 1.

Let's give her a part in The King of Crime.

Think of the publicity we'll turn up with Joe.

The more the public sees her with Joe,

the more the public might forget she can't act.

- Maybe a miracle will happen. - It has.

- See you on the front page. - Hey, Al.

Charity begins at home and so does publicity.

I wish I had a relative to put in pictures.

Why, whatever makes you say that, my dear?

That wall title will catch on like a house afire.

It even tops "Oomph."

Yes, sir, Joe's done it. The Wow Girl.

By the way, where is our sweet little Vera?

Here I am. Oh, Joe, you darling...

Wow!

I tell you, I refuse to work with Vera Valaine.

Think of my reputation and my public.

My fans expect great things.

And how can I create a sad mood

with that stick of wood staring at me, giggling?

Oh, take it easy, Rod. This is the first day shooting.

- Maybe she's nervous. - Either she goes or I go.

Now, listen, I'm stuck with her. Give us a break, will you?

Goodbye, gentlemen. I leave you with a bow and a wow.

She was Joe's idea.

If only he had stayed in Emoryville.

And to think that I fell for his "Wow Girl" gag.

New York calling, Mr. Harris.

- Here comes the purge. - Here we go...

Well, what a coincidence.

I was just about to call you.

Yes, everything is going fine.

Oh, yes, yes. The rushes were wonderful.

Yeah, La Tour's very happy.

Yes, old boy.

We are gonna out gross Gone with the Wind.

Don't "old boy" me, you double crosser.

Gone with the Wind, huh?

You mean, Gone with the Leading Man.

La Tour's agent just called. He quit.

- Don't get excited. - Who's excited!?

I've only got my shirt and my wife's alimony in this.

It's booked. And who's gonna play Bugsie Malone?

- Why not a real gangster? - What?

When they make a football picture, they get a football star.

When they make a fight picture, they get a great fighter.

- Why not get Bugsie Malone? - Sensational idea, Harris!

You're a genius.

What happened to your voice?

What? Oh, my voice always changes when I think.

The exploitation value is terrific.

Bugsie Malone playing himself.

I can see the headlines now, the lines at the box office...

Malone's in jail for income tax.

He got out yesterday and went to Chicago.

I just heard it over the radio.

Well, thanks, old boy.

I'll take care of everything this end.

You knew you could depend on me for something red hot.

Goodbye.

We'll have to go to Chicago and bring Bugsie back.

Who's gonna get him? He's tough.

I can't. I have to stay, keep production going.

Well, not me. I gotta get the layout for the press.

- Who me? - Yes, you.

- A plane leaves in an hour. - I'll get you a nice ticket.

- I'll help you pack. - He might not need much.

- Wait, he's so big... - Don't worry, Joe.

Big dogs never hurt little dogs, or so they say.

Goodbye, Joe.

Goodbye, Mr. Harris.

Flash, Chicago.

The underworld ran to cover this afternoon

because Bugsie Malone came home.

He was met at the station by his sister Molly Malone,

star entertainer at the Tropical Inn, and the police force...

Fix your safety belt for Chicago.

- Can't we just keep flying? - We're landing.

If you want to keep flying, you'll have to grow feathers.

There you are, Mister. Right on the spot.

Oh!

Just a backfire.

Oh...

You'd like your brother to come to Hollywood, Miss Malone?

Just keep on talking before I come to.

Why, any chance for Bugsie to go legit.

He's all I got, Mister.

I wanna be proud of him. I just got to.

He'll be here any minute.

If I'm changing for the second show, you talk to him...

He may be a little hard to handle.

You mean, uh, tough?

Tough? Tougher than our steaks.

Well, he's got a rep for being tough,

but he doesn't yell like moving picture gangsters when he's mad.

When Bugsie yells, he's enjoying himself, relaxing.

Oh, excuse me. I'm on next.

Maybe Bugsie yells when he's relaxed,

but when he smiles kind of slow like and speaks quiet...

Brother, watch out. He's not only mad, he's dangerous.

And it's only seconds before the guy he's talking with is...

cold meat.

Well, what's your pleasure?

- Milk. - Milk?

What are you trying to do, give the joint a bad name?

Milk...

Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me real pleasure

to present Tropical Inn's favorite torch singer,

Miss Molly Malone.

Jim doesn't ever Bring me pretty flowers

♪ Oh, Jim never tries To cheer my lonely hours

♪ I don't know why I'm so crazy for Jim

♪ Jim...

I'll never forget the night I met Jim.

I was about to end it all,

but just as I was ready to jump off the bridge,

along came Jim.

He didn't let me jump,

he pushed me.

Oh, Jim... Jim wasn't like other fellas

He didn't want to hug and kiss all the time

He was happy just to sit home with me and go...

Life was one gay round of pleasure for me and Jim.

Then came our first quarrel.

He hit me over the head with my mother.

Oh, I didn't mind.

But Mother stabbed him with a barracuda.

All those long hours that I nursed him back to health.

I didn't eat. I didn't sleep.

All I could think of morning, noon and night

was gin, gin, gin...

I mean, Jim, Jim, Jim.

Oh, I know Jim isn't true.

He beats me and mistreats me, but what can I do?

I've tried and tried to leave Jim, but I can't.

He keeps me chained to the front porch.

♪ But someday I know He will up and leave me

♪ Ah, but even if he does You can believe me

♪ I'll go on Carrying the torch

♪ Eating out my heart

♪ Waiting for his call

♪ I just can't live Without my...

What's that fellas name again?

- Jim. - Oh, yeah.

♪ My Jim

Here comes our Bugsie now.

- Welcome back, Mr. Malone. - Thanks.

Your table's here.

Place look familiar to you, Bugsie?

Yeah. Same old potted plants and potted customers.

- Ah, hiya, Servie. - Hiya, Bugsie.

Thanks for the escort.

We just wanted to make you feel at home.

Oh!

Beats me how you slipped upon a thing like income taxes

after getting away with murder.

Well, we'll be seeing you next trip.

Ain't gonna be any next trip,

if you see what I mean.

- Say, Officer. - Hm?

You have to leave?

We're late for the policeman's ball.

I hired you because you're supposed to have brains.

You are a professor, ain't you?

I was, until the college made me custodian of the endowment fund.

Why didn't you tip me off about that tax racket?

Service! I ain't on no hunger strike!

- Waiters, Nick, come here! - Yes, sir.

What've you got?

Bring us three double bourbons.

Let me look this thing over.

Uh, when does Molly sing?

- She's just been on. - Oh.

You know, I can't figure Molly out.

I gave her the million I saved while I was away.

Now she won't give it back until I go legit.

Imagine, me, legit.

We was counting on you starting something.

And I was counting on using the dough to start a new racket.

That'd have been no difficulty had you entrusted the money to us.

- We're kindred souls. - Yeah, sure. Pals.

But I couldn't take no chances.

You know in our game that a pal today is a corpse tomorrow.

And I couldn't put it in no safe deposit box,

because them FBI guys' noses is too long.

And I can smell them a mile away...

I can smell them a table away.

- Oh. - Bring him here.

But I'm Joe...

Couldn't have had much rain this season.

The feds are running small.

You heard what my lettuce says?

- Lettuce? - Yeah, dough.

I can't see why a runt has such a long nose, see what I mean?

I'm not from the FBI, I'm from Hollywood.

A new alibi.

But I'm from Hollywood.

And Mammoth Productions wants you in a picture.

The pipsqueak’s spoiling my appetite.

Yeah, but it's the story of your life!

He'd rather have his dinner.

- But I'm no fed. - Drop him, you mugs.

I told you, you were through playing boogie man.

The kid's on the level. You ought to be able to tell that.

He's the only one who can look you in the eye.

Hey, put that...

Okay, sis. You can have it.

Oh, just think, honey. Hollywood wants you.

Yeah, but I don’t want Hollywood. I ain't going.

I meant what I said this afternoon about going legit.

I'm tired of being a gangster's sister.

I get limp worrying, waiting for you to end up on a slab.

And I'm fed up being your alibi.

But I don't want to be no actor.

This picture will make you famous.

Oh, famous. The half-pint's gonna make me famous.

Me, what's cut the front page on every news rag in the country.

Yeah. And don't forget your picture in every post office.

If you don't play the part of Bugsie Malone,

Mammoth will get somebody else, any actor.

The public think you're a tough guy.

Most screen denizens of the underworld,

like Edward Robinson, go to the opera.

The others through pictures of babies dangling on their knees.

You mean to say they'll show the lug that's doing me

going to the opera and kissing babies?

With sound.

They can't do that to me.

I ain't gonna be painted in no bad light.

It's my life and no actor's gonna gum it up.

I'll go to Hollywood.

Gee, it'll be swell seeing you in one picture

without a number across it.

Well, here we are.

Wow! All we need is Lake Michigan,

I'd think I was in the Field Museum.

You must have a lot of cards, kid.

Oh, I don't live here. I live at the YMCA.

Mr. Harris wired and told me to bring you here.

Mr. Harris has been detained.

He said to make yourselves at home.

Oh, home was never like this, Shorty.

- Shorty. - You like that one, Bugsie?

- Pretty cute, huh? - Take your wrap, miss?

Rap? What have I done?

Oh, the coat. I'm sorry.

Just as I thought, Queen Anne design.

- That's rare, ain't it? - Rare? Yes.

Much too rare to be left in careless circulation.

Hey, guys.

Have I got a sweet new angle to muscle in on the liquor racket.

Yeah?

I just tried it out on Joe and is he happy.

- What do you say, kid? - Mm. Happy.

I run in to cut stuff from Cicero

and you boys hijack the local trucks.

- Have I got an angle. - Bugsie.

I had an angle.

- Hello, Joe. - Oh, hello, Mr. Harris.

- Welcome, Bugsie. - The guy that we write off.

He must've seen your picture in the post office.

I'm sorry I missed meeting you, but I was talking to New York.

Pretty important too, otherwise I wouldn't have missed meeting you

for all the footprints at Grauman's Chinese.

I feel sure you understand, old boy.

Hey, who is this high sounding jerk?

Shh. That's Mr. Harris, head of Mammoth Production.

Oh, why didn't you say so without the malarkey?

Meet my sister Molly.

I'm awfully happy to know you, really I am.

Really... Really I am.

- Meet the Professor. - Uh, delighted.

A gent to his fingerprints.

Meet Trigger. A better shot than Dillinger was.

I like trace bullets. You can always see the lobs fall.

Trigger.

Mr. Harris, would you step this way, please?

I was just admiring your tapestry over the mantle.

It's quite interesting.

That's genuine Florentine.

Fifteenth century.

- You know it's a copy. - A copy?

Why, yes. The needle they used in that century

didn't weave as coarse as this.

I beg your pardon, but that is the original.

I know. I spent five years getting it.

My dear sir, it is not the original.

I spent 10 years forgetting that.

Oh, Joe. I can't thank you enough

for suggesting Bugsie for the picture.

- Your welcome, I hope. - Oh...

Oh...

She's only thanking me.

It's okay, kid. You're my pal.

We're all pals, ain't we?

I beg your pardon.

Oh, that's quite all right, Mr. Harris.

Well, we're gonna be one big happy family.

Mm-hm. Well, goodnight.

Well, goodnight, Miss Malone.

Oh, goodnight, Mr. Harris.

Goodnight, fellas.

Oh...

Say, me and the boys is tired.

You can go home. Goodnight.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight.

Hey, wait a minute.

You evidently don't understand.

I am home. You're going to the hotel.

Funny how I fell for this joint right off.

I was two years in the last place, and never did like it.

Goodnight.

You've gone far enough, this is my home.

And you're a nice gent, too.

That's got nothing to do with it...!

Mr. Harris, Mr. Harris, when he smiles like that,

it's only seconds before the person is cold meat.

Pleasant dreams.

Oh, Joe, if this is another of your ideas,

we'll go into the matter outside.

- Yes, sir. - Oh, Joe.

You ain't going home. You're my finger man.

You're gonna live here and keep your finger on the studio.

- Does that make you happy? - Yeah. Happy.

Put down my silver.

- Oh, Bugsie, look... - Put it down.

Oh, all right.

Goodnight, gentlemen.

Say, pal, why don't we split a case of those skullcaps Harris wears?

If we're gonna me gents, we might as well look like them.

Me in a beret? No sir.

On you it would look pretty.

Pretty.

Let's retire.

- Good morning. - Hiya.

- And I thought only crime pays. - Paid.

Okay, so I ain't used to the legit stuff yet.

You stick around in case anyone tries to interrupt my conference.

Don't do nothing, just break his legs.

Okay, Bugsie.

- Good morning. - Sure is.

Hey, that bed of yours is like a baby buggy.

I used to enjoy it too.

If that chair's not comfortable, I'll have it fixed.

- Like a baby buggy. - Original, cus.

Well, here's your contract. If you'll just sign it...

I'll send out for some of your special brand.

Huh? Oh.

Too many papers.

I think I'm gonna be cozy here.

That's fine. If you'll just sign this contract...

- Huh? - The New York office is waiting.

- Hey, what's this? - That's my Academy Award.

Listen, Bugsie, if you'll look over this, it's important...

Hey. Have Harris's name taken off that and mine put on instead.

Just a minute.

I always wanted to have me moniker on a statue.

While you're at it, change the name on the door too.

Put mine on.

Listen, maybe you ran your hometown, but this is Hollywood.

Any territory I move in, I'm the boss...

if you see what I mean.

- He's smiling. - Well, I'm not.

New York's calling about Mr. Malone's contract.

Tell them I'll call back.

Listen, maybe I was a little bit hasty,

but if you'll look over this contract and sign it...

And take all the time you seem to need.

Don't use that word "Time."

Joe...

Would you mind reading this to me? The light ain't so good.

Left his glasses in Joliet.

"Whereas the party of the first part..."

- Say, it isn't bad. - No, it isn't bad.

It isn't good.

What was that?

- Oh! - Oh, come here.

Here's the finished script, Mr. Harris.

Well, Bugsie, here we are.

The story of your life.

A lot of words, huh?

Page one, fade.

Starts with a crap game. That's me, all right.

Now the story is simply this:

Sidney Richards plays the part of a policeman who single handed,

overthrows you and your mob and wins the girl.

No! I'd be the yell of the mob back home

and the flatfoot would get the sympathy.

- But that's your story. - I ain't gonna be a rat on screen.

But the story's written and we're ready for production.

You Hollywood mugs is always making the coppers heroes.

When this shindig is shown, I'm gonna be the hero

and I'm gonna get all the sympathy, and I'm gonna win the girl.

But you can't. She's your sister.

Vera Valaine is gonna play that part.

Nobody's gonna play my sister but my sister.

- What's the matter, Bugsie? - Nothing. Get out.

Molly, come here.

You're in the movies now.

I'm gonna make faces on a screen?

With sounds.

Well, I certainly didn’t expect this.

- Neither did we. - Neither did I.

I'm afraid your brother is a little impulsive.

Vera Valaine must play this part. She's my relative.

Look, we're doing my life, ain't we? So, we're using my relative.

When we do your life, we use your relative.

- Well, think fast, Joe. - Yeah, sure.

- She sings and dances. - This is not a musical.

It is now.

You're gonna rewrite the script anyway.

Why not expose the police instead of the underworld?

Like I was telling you, then I can get the sympathy.

It's a new idea and the public likes new ideas.

I think it's a swell idea. Bugsie goes straight.

Well, he's reformed anyhow.

But do the coppers lay off of him? No.

The rats, they hound him and hound him and hound him...

Can she act?

He's about to weaken, but does he weaken? No!

Why, it's cold, he's hungry... It's winter time.

He faces temptation.

But he fights and fights and fights,

fights it barehanded, but he wins.

Legit for life,.

Thank you. And you did it.

- He certainly did. - Oh, Joe.

Hm. Joe?

Oh, Joe?

- Tell her about Molly. - Joe!

Now, let me tell you about Molly.

I thought I was the wow in your life.

You built me up to let me down for a new face.

And what a face. She'd even be safe at a stag.

It wasn't my fault.

I'm gonna drive you right into the ocean.

Molly only plays a small part.

One shot behind the door.

You play the romantic lead.

All closeups.

Oh, I knew you'd fix everything.

I have now.

Hey, pull over.

Say, what is this, a ride?

Hello, Joe.

Through the park, James.

Say, what kind of racket is this?

We've been here since dawn and nothing's happened.

Well, it takes time to set the camera and light the lights.

Oh. Bugsie wanted to walk, but I talked him into some shut eye.

Well, don't wake him.

If he walks, I won't be able to.

How about some coffee?

Bang, bang.

Bang...

Hey, how did I get in here?

Somebody must've slipped me a mickey.

Hey, I've been framed!

Get me out of this rat trap! Hey, warden! Hey, come here!

There's the quickest jailbreak in history.

Hey, who framed me?

It's just a set built for the jail scene.

Oh, there ain't gonna be no jail scene.

You leave jail in the first shot, go back to crime.

I overthrow you and your mob, and put you back in jail for life.

Great story.

Brother, my sympathy.

You studied the wrong script.

You see, Mr. Richards, that's the old version.

In this version, I give you the works and get all the sympathy.

It's a great story.

I bump you off when you do wrong by my sister.

But... But why should I do wrong by your sister?

Because you're a wrong guy.

I could tell it the minute I seen you.

I should go to the Screen Actor's Guild about this.

But just to spite you,

I'll play a heel.

- No. - A familiar sound.

He's too pretty.

With him on the screen with all them teeth,

I won't show up so good.

Fire him. Get a mug with scars.

What's the matter? What happened?

Oh, Joe...

Would the finger man step into my office?

All lined up for the jail scene, sir.

No, the Professor's rewritten it.

Here's the rewrite, sir.

It's better now. It's a picnic scene.

It's spring.

The birds are singing in the trees.

Molly and me are sitting on the grass.

I'm happy, I'm eating my lunch.

A copper rides by and gives me indigestion good.

Good?

- Oh, Joe... - Mm-hm?

Stop eating aspirin like peanuts,

or put some salt on it and I'll join you.

Yes, old boy, I heard you.

Yes, I took Richards out of the part.

Yes, I know he had a pay-or-play contract,

but whoever heard of a pretty policeman?

Oh, Bugsie?

He's doing fine.

As happy as a kitten with a ball of yarn.

They called from the set.

Mr. Malone is quitting and going back to Chicago.

But Mr. Amatoff's only quit for the day.

You hung up on New York.

That's the least of my troubles.

That crazy Russian has stopped shooting.

But why should I worry about a little thing like that?

I have no star and you've eaten all my aspirin.

Maybe I can fix it with Bugsie.

You'll fix it when you've brought him here.

I'll take over now.

I'll talk to Molly about persuading that fugitive

to stay here until the picture's completed.

If not, Emoryville, here you come.

Unless you wish something further, I'll be leaving for the evening.

All right.

- Oh, Thompson? - Yes?

Something's been puzzling me.

Some girls on the set today talked about nothing but wolves.

And they were some of the funniest stories I've heard about a wolf.

Hollywood wolves are not the furry variety, Miss.

They're men who pursue young ladies without matrimony in mind.

Of course, you'll be safe in the crowd.

But if they get you alone, watch out.

Goodnight.

Oh, I get it now.

Well, Molly, I'm so glad to find you alone.

You're usually surrounded by such a crowd

that this really is quite an opportunity.

May I sit down? Well, thanks...

This really is quite cozy, isn't it? Just we two...

- Woof! - What are you barking at?

Molly, I want to talk to you.

No, but Molly, it's about Bugsie!

Wolf!

You better see a doctor. You're getting croupy.

Listen, will you stop? You're getting too physical.

Stop it, I'm getting tired!

Wolf! Wolf! Wolf!

- Wolf! Wolf! Wolf. - Now, listen...

- Wolf, wolf... - Let's rest and start again.

Please, if you'll just...

- Mr. Harris... - Oh!

- I just been to the fights. - Me too.

- Wolf. - All right, wolf.

Gee, everything's been going swell since you talked Bugsie

into staying in Hollywood.

It wasn't anything.

Just a matter of life or death.

I waited up for you last night, but you must've ducked to bed.

I've lost so much sleep lately,

the bags under my eyes are carrying little bags.

You tickle.

Miss Malone?

Ready on the set for your death scene.

Well, gee... I'm as nervous as a bride.

I wish I was one.

- Hello. - Hello. I mean, goodbye.

What's the lulu from the Loop doing here?

You'd better have a good answer.

Well, she wanted to know what I wanted for dinner tonight,

and it's very thoughtful of her.

What... What are you doing in that make up?

Oh, it's for our big bedroom scene.

It says so on the callboard.

It's snowing, I'm dying.

All I can do is sob...

Where's Bugsie?

I'm getting weaker.

So am I.

- There's nothing wrong? - Huh?

You and Harris have been giving me the absent act for a week.

I wonder if they're gonna miss me back in Emoryville.

All right, quiet for rehearsal.

Come and watch me act. You'll be surprised.

You'll be surprised. I mean...

I better see a man about an option... on a nervous breakdown.

Remember me?

One never forgets what one wants to forget.

- Well, I'm all ready. - For what are you ready?

- My dramatic scene. - Ah.

What's the matter? Isn't it the right day?

Yes, but the wrong girl.

Oh, I should've known.

That little pipsqueak.

Action.

Where's Bugsie?

I can't die knowing my darling brother's

being hounded by those rat cops.

He may be freezing in some dark alley.

I can't die.

Do something for the poor lass, Doctor.

I can't. She's dying of a broken heart.

The victim of unfair society.

She's the best roomer I ever had.

And him, the poor lad.

No sister to guide him.

Oh...

Well, it'll soon be over.

Please, tell Bugsie my... my last words.

Go legit.

Cut! No, what is this?!

- That's the way Bugsie wants it. - Oh!

Hey, hey

Hi, hi

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey!

Louder. Louder.

So you discovered me, huh? Well, I'm discovering you.

Only nobody will recognize you when I get through...

- You're choking me. - That was my part.

But did you fix it for me? No.

You've fallen for that dame with legs like a tarantula.

She's so thoughtful.

Wanted to see what I wanted for dinner.

- Baloney. - No. Ham and eggs.

I go for that dish.

- Ham and eggs? - Uh-huh.

Oh, Joe, do you?

Oh...

Mm, good. Good.

I cooked it with my own two little hands.

Ah... Ooh! Some long fingernails you have.

- The better to hold you with. - Mm-hm.

You know, you're the only one who understands me.

I'm really just a home girl in search of a career.

Smells like a funeral.

I phoned you to come tonight

because you're the...

I stabbed myself.

You're the only one who can do anything with that gangster.

The pictures been shooting two weeks

and I haven't even walked in front of the camera once.

Oh, it's terrible.

I'm not even the face on the cutting room floor.

Aw, don't, Vera.

I can't stand to hear a girl cry.

You're gonna be in the picture.

Am I?

I guess your light burned out.

Sure, you've got that big scene where...

where they discover the body.

Oh, have I?

It... It'll all be in closeups.

Will it?

The couch is a little slippery.

Oh, Joe, you're so wonderful.

So big and strong.

Well, I... I just had a double malt.

Oh...

Ohhhh...

Well...

Molly!

Here's some more corn from the delicatessen

where I saw you buy that chow already cooked.

- How are you, honey? - Why, you little...

Oh...

Phony little housekeepers shouldn't do that.

Girls...

You naughty...

Let's have a cup of tea now, huh?

With a little lemon.

Oh!

Oh, why did I start that?

Girls...

Whoa.

Where'd she go? Where'd she go?

There she is.

Oh, Molly... Molly, her eyelashes.

- Here, you wanna wear them? - No, I don't!

I have had enough. Let's break this up.

Here. Come here, Molly. Please, break it up.

Now your hair, you Hollywood glamour girl.

Oh!

I'll be back the same time tomorrow.

I love you, Molly dear.

I thought I'd wind up in the old ladies home before you said so.

That's not the line in the script.

I was told to rehearse your love scenes with the policeman,

so you'll put some feeling in it.

Let's start again, huh?

I love you, Joe.

Your sweetheart's name is Bill.

Uh-uh.

Uh-uh.

Ever since we were kids,

your brother has always come between us.

I hate to bother you, Mr. Malone, but I knew any gentlemen

would have high ideals about his sister, too.

So when I heard Joe and what he was saying...

I never thought my finger man would turn wolf.

Joe, my little pal.

Poison doesn't come in large doses.

Oh, he tried his wiles on me too, but I was wise enough to protect myself.

But Molly isn't used to Hollywood.

Please send her back home...

if it isn't too late.

No. No, I won't.

Oh, it isn't fair to my brother.

It's too late to worry about that star bug now.

You're mine.

Bugsie will never forgive me.

Ha-ha to your brother.

- I heard you. - I was doing a scene.

That scene's an invite to the morgue.

Hey, lay off of him. He's my little man.

Oh, you go for this squirt, huh?

- I was only doing a scene. - That's how you figure.

I figure nobody's gonna make love to my sister,

without very honorable intentions, you see what I mean?

Oh, I can't get married. I'm too young.

I gotta job back home.

I gotta mother to support.

I eat crackers in bed and I snore.

I see what you mean.

I wanna send a telegram.

To Joe Ruddy. Yeah.

Starswept Drive, Hollywood Hills.

Come home at once.

Desperately ill.

Mother.

Yeah... Oh, Ruddy.

Hello, Operator?

Give me Western Union, please. Yes.

I made more of these fan magazines than Lana Turner this week.

I been reading about that dude ranch in Palm Springs

where all them Hollywood biggies rest their arches.

I need a vacation.

I been working too hard. My nerves are shattered.

How can I be a movie star if I don't mix with them like?

Me thinks Mr. Harris isn't gonna be too pleased with this desert trek.

Aw, who's gonna squeal?

Let them fry for awhile while I relax.

Anyway, it'll be a good place for a wedding.

- It's for you, sir. - Telegram?

That's bad news.

Oh, no. Maybe somebody left you a lot of dough.

No, it's mother.

It is all the time.

Every time I'm away and having a good time,

she takes ill and I have to go home.

I feel every time might be the last.

Poor little mother.

Hope I can get there before...

How I counted on Palm Springs.

Of course, every son has but one mother.

Goodbye, Molly dear.

Uh, read it, Joe.

Oh. Oh, I can't.

I'm too upset.

You read it.

"Dear Son, glad you are getting married.

I'd come for the wedding, but it's my canning season.

Love, Mother."

That's what it says.

- Yeah, it does. - You happy, Joe?

Mm-hm. Happy.

Well, Palm Springs here I come.

- Yeah, but where could Bugsie be? - Oh, he might be anywhere.

Why I fell for that yokel's idea of hiring a gangster, I'll never know.

He sure went from bad to stage-struck.

Here, take my path. It's worn smoother than yours.

Hello, Harris. How's everything going?

Yes, old boy. Everything's all right.

Everything's dandy. The rushes yesterday were terrific...

You're lying. You haven't been shooting for four days.

Malone's out of town and I'm here to find out what's the big idea?

Excuse me, sore throat.

Water, water...

Listen, old boy, Bugsie will be back any minute now.

You know how temperamental actors are.

I know spent enough for three pictures.

I've lost a little myself.

If you don’t resume production, you'll finish on your own.

Postcard from Joe.

He's having a wonderful time and he's glad you're here.

- Well, I'll be there. - We'll both be there.

- Hiya, folks. - Hiya, folks.

Howdy, folks.

Hiya, ginsel.

Hi, sis. What's the matter with these picture mugs?

This place gives me the jeebs.

Yeah, well, gimme a slug and I'll place some music.

Put some life into this cemetery.

Come on, Joe, join her. Dance. I want some excitement.

Dance? I don't dance.

The only time I ever danced was at an Elks benefit.

If it benefitted the Elks, it's good for me.

- Go on, dance. - Oh, I don't wanna.

- I said dance. - I don't wanna.

Dance...

I wanna.

- Oh! - What's that?

♪ It's me again

♪ Trying to be free again

♪ Got me in a tree again

♪ Baby please be kind It's murder

♪ If you let me go I know I'll lose my mind

♪ It's you again

♪ Got me in a trap again

♪ Feeling like a sap again

♪ Don't know how to start

♪ Oh, brother

♪ Better watch your step

♪ Or else you'll break your

♪ Heart, heart Your ever loving heart

♪ Your so sweet and gentle

♪ Your the kind That girls adore

♪ But I've met your type before

♪ You're a wolf That's running after me again

Yikes!

♪ Shy again

♪ If you say goodbye again

♪ Then I'll just come along

Are you kidding?

♪ Till I'm right Back in your arms

♪ Where I belong

Wee!

Wee!

Wee, Wee, Wee...!

I feel so loose.

So, now Bugsie not only has to go legit,

but stay legit.

And live with them when they're married.

While our chances of getting him away from that money

is disappearing like the stars at dawn.

So, this is Mr. Malone.

Look, you may think you're important,

but to me, you're just a pain in the budget.

Where did this jerk blow from?

That's Mr. Johnson of New York.

Oh, a foreigner.

You've caused enough trouble.

You're coming back to Hollywood with me now.

I'm coming back when I'm ready. I ain't ready.

You start shooting tomorrow or...

- I can't figure you out. - He's smiling.

I can't figure you out.

A nice gent like you, wasting himself right into trouble.

- Wait a minute, starbug. - Remember, cold meat.

You're used to Harris being a stooge, but I'm from New York.

- Now, come on. - Yes, sir. You break my heart.

But us boys from Chicago never did like New Yorkers...

If you see what I mean.

Where'd you get this suit from, buddy?

What size belt do you wear?

Start hopping.

Can't we talk this over quietly in the bar?

- I never imbibe. - I said scram!

Harris, you'll hear from me about this!

Listen, you can’t let him go like that!

Good morning.

The line has been used before, but what's good about it?

Bugsie called. He's back and ready to go to work.

What work? Johnson withdrew his backing and flew to New York this morning.

- But the bank robbery scene. - We're not gonna shoot it.

The set's too expensive and I can't get credit around town.

Johnson's let everyone know he’s out of the picture.

Have you a piece of rope you can lend me to hang myself with?

- Good morning. - If anybody else says good morning...

Oh, so it's you. You're just the little man I've been looking for.

But I've got an idea.

Every time you get an idea, it gets me into trouble.

Now I've got an idea, and this is gonna hurt you much more than it does me.

- But it's important. - So is this!

I heard about Johnson, so I got a real bank for the hold up.

The West Coast Bank.

The president was happy to help us out.

So, you know, he likes the movies.

- I knew you'd come through. - He always does.

- You must be tired. - He did that last mile in 2 and 7/8ths.

- Sit down, sit down. - Funny people in California.

They change as quick as the weather.

Come on, loosen his shirt...

All right, everybody, stand by!

Officer, keep those people in the background.

Back up, folks. Come on, back up.

All ready for rehearsal. Sound?

Standby, boys.

This is what happened...

When you cased this bank,

Miss Molly rushes in and pleads on her knees.

I'll show you how.

Do not yield to temptation.

Don't rob this bank.

- Please, go... - Yeah, yeah. Legit.

While I'm making up my mind, the boys sneak in, snag the letter.

But me, I'm going straight now,

so I chases them rat pals and end up a hero.

Everything is all right for once. Come on.

These men are your accomplices.

- Those guys? No. - Too quick I spoke.

Trigger and the Professor helped me,

and now you wanna palm off a couple amateurs.

Hey, Trigger, Professor. Come on over here.

- What do you want, eh? - What's wrong?

You're in the movies now. You're gonna be actors.

- Oh, no. - Come here.

You guys, scram. Go on.

So, what have I got to lose, besides my mind?

Okay...

Come on, actors.

Drive this sedan down the street and turn around.

After Bugsie goes inside, when I drop my hanky...

Oh, you cute little thing. Woo-woo.

You two drive up, grab the lettuce and scram!

I mean... I don't know what I mean!

I don't think or do I?

Whoo...

Every day we fall lower in social rank.

From crook to actor.

The indignity is more than I can bare.

We gotta save our reputation.

The dough from the bank.

Ah, manna from Heaven.

- We cop the real dough. - A golden opportunity.

Them bank stupes will think it's part of the picture.

And they won't let out a yap.

Exactly. And when they discover the hoax,

we'll be heading for the border down Mexico way.

What's that?

- Hello. - A spy in our cab.

These ears are a little too long for our good.

Well... Come, my lad.

You fellas rob that bank, I'll tell the police.

Oh, my ear!

You're going to a spot where you will join others

that are no longer useful.

Come.

Let me go! Help...!

Quiet on stage, everybody!

Al, you checking on that cue light?

You know, you're the first bank president I didn't lock in a safe?

- Malone? - Coming up.

Mr. Thomas, about this Jones loan.

Don't bother me with business, Lloyd.

They're turning the camera this way, and I might get in the movies.

Brother, oh, brother. Come home with me now.

The bank clock strikes quarter of 3.

- No. - Yes.

- No. - Yes.

Yes. I'm going straight.

I've won. I've won!

Cut!

Here are your props, fellas.

All right, gentlemen, this is your scene.

- It's a take. - You said it.

Everybody...

All right, let's try it.

Action.

All right, this is a stick up.

Gee, your acting is swell. I thought you meant it.

- No fooling? - Yeah.

Thank you, my good operator friend.

Will you put all that money in the bag?

Pardon me.

I'll pray for you.

Reach for the ceiling, if you don't want a lead kimono.

All right, exit.

Get out. Get...

Don't get excited. It's only a moving picture.

Step the boys out. This scene is costing serious sugar.

- Not so fast, boys. - What's the idea?

- You might as well take all of it. - Oh. Thanks, Officer.

You won't forget this. Come on, let's go.

What did he mean by that?

Cut! It's a scene!

No. That take looked phony to me.

The cops is too friendly. Do it over again.

What do I care if I work all night?

I can't sleep anyway.

I count gangsters instead of sheep.

Come on, come back! Come back!

They're not coming back. They robbed the bank.

I heard them in the sedan before they tied me up.

- I just got loose. - Come on.

You gave them permission to use the bank.

I know, but... This is an outrage.

Why didn't you tell me?

You can't talk with a gag in your mouth.

I'll sue the studio! I'll send you back to jail for life!

All of you!

Oh, but Mr. President, wait a minute, please.

Molly! She's out like a light.

She can't act.

How's Molly?

She ain't come out of her coma yet.

Joe and the doctor's upstairs with her.

Every time I think of them rat pals.

- Yeah, move over. - And pass the bottle.

Holding a crook trick like that.

Just to put mein a bad light with my public.

What would them kiddies think of me?

- I'm so unhappy. - You're unhappy?

The bank's gonna sue me for the 50,000 bucks.

The President said if we get the money back, he'll forget the charges.

I have as much chance of raising the $50,000, as I have of a million.

Which I'd have made, if I could finish the picture.

Would a million help?

Oh, no, no.

It'd just pay the money back to the bank,

finance the rest of the picture,

and leave a tidbit for cigarettes.

Get him. "Would a million help."

I got a million. I got it honest too.

Running booze during Prohibition.

Hold the bulldog edition, boys! We roll again!

We'll fake the shot where we catch the criminals.

If I catch them, it won't be no fake.

They'll be swimming, but they won’t be able to swim.

- You see what I mean? - We'll use double for the crooks.

Extras made up to look like them.

Wait till they see themselves, only it won't be them.

Then we dissolve to you putting the crooks in jail,

and giving the money back to the bank.

In the last shot, your hometown erects a statue in your honor.

- A big one? - You'll be surprised.

- Now you're talking. - Where's the money?

- I ain't got the money. - What?

- Molly's holding it. - What are we waiting for?

Is Molly better, Doc?

She's recovered consciousness, but has a bad case of amnesia.

- Huh? - Complete lose of memory.

It often occurs after a blow on the head.

We gotta see her for a minute.

All right, but she might not know you.

Will you listen to me...

Molly, would you please stand still for five minutes.

Wee! I see by the paper it's snowing.

- Wee! Wee! - Molly, listen to me, will you?

Molly, let me talk to you.

Stop for five minutes.

Oh... What a funny little man.

- Molly... - Oh!

It's me, Joe.

Catch me, Joe. Catch me.

Wee! Wee!

- Wee! Wee! Wee! - Molly...

Wee! Wee! Wee! Some fun, huh?

- She's nuts. - No, she's reverted to childhood.

These cases are very sad.

Sometimes they take years, sometimes never.

Isn't there anyway to snap her out of it?

Possibly. If a hit on the head caused amnesia,

a similar one might restore her memory.

Oh, well.,..

Hey, nobody's gonna beat my sis.

Anyway, that's a lot of malarkey. She'll know me.

Molly, it's Bugsie.

Don't get fresh with me, stranger.

Oh, Molly, what did you do with a million lettuce?

Lettuce? Oh! The poor boy's hungry.

Waiter, waiter. A salad for five.

Listen, Molly, look. This is money, see?

- Money, money, money. - Oh, thank you, stranger.

Why didn't I try it with a dime?

- Molly, bills, bills... - A lot of money, Molly.

Plenty of money...

Oh. Now you see it, now you don't.

Do you boys do card tricks too?

This is gonna be fun, isn't it?

Molly, what did you do with that money I give you?

- Money? - Yeah. The million.

- The million? - The million.

- The million. - Where is it?

- I don't know. - Where did you hide the money?

- Was it in the room? - Room?

- Yeah, room. - Room?

Could be.

- With a fireplace? - Fireplace?

Yeah, fireplace.

Fireplace... Oh, you're getting warm.

Molly, the thing over the mantle?

- The mantle... - The mantle.

What's a mantle, huh?

Is that a mantle?

- Molly... - Huh?

- The piano. - A piano?

Oh, I love a piano.

- Do you like a piano? - Mr. Harris, it's your living room.

Well, what are we waiting for? Come on.

Oh! Say, this is gonna be fun, isn't it?

Wee!

Molly! Molly!

Wee!

Some fun, huh, kids?

Listen, Molly, where did you put that money?

Oh...

She means she put it in here.

Come on, get it out, quick.

It's there!

Yoo-hoo! Yoo-hoo!

Oh! It's in here!

Yoo-hoo!

It's in the couch!

It's over there!

Here it is! Right there!

Wait a minute...

Where?

Wee! Some fun, huh, kids?

Wee.

Over there!

Oh, Joe, you hit me.

You love me.

Too sweet.

- Get up, get up. - Oh, there we go.

That blow on the head did it. She's all right again.

- Molly, my dough. - What dough?

What's everybody grinning at?

How'd I get here?

And where was I during the earthquake?

Where is Bugsie's million dollars?

It's legit, Molly. We need it to finish the picture.

Won't you tell us where you hid it?

Why didn't you ask me? It's up in my bedroom in the trunk.

It's in her trunk!

Get that open, get it.

You take this drawer...

- Hey, here it is! - I got it! I got it!

A million! A cold million!

- Goodbye! - So long, Bugsie!

See you all in The King of Crime!

Hey, Al! Don't forget to send me them notices.

Okay!

That was a great idea, bring him out here.

Now that he's going home.

I'm sure glad the police caught those crooks too.

Yeah. This is gonna be our happy ending.

And I didn't even have to get married.

Oh, Joe!

Forgot to shake hands, pal.

But I'm not leaving for home until tonight.

Ain't it amazing?

You're going to Emoryville, I'm going to Chicago,

and both of us on the same train.

Goodbye, Al!

Goodbye, Mr. Harris!

- Something old. - Something new.

Do you, Molly, take Joe...

Do I?

Chicago, here I come.

- ...to be your lawful wedded husband... - Yes.

- Do you promise to love, cherish... - Yes, yes, yes.