Original subtitles

Dave, you turn the hearts of many people.

Like who?I'm sorry. I'm very high.

ELZ: You know that white rapper, Lil Dicky?

He's growing right now. He's bubbling.DAVE: Bubbling, he's...

Bad haircut.MAN: [OVER PHONE] You mean white boy?

Exactly.No. Yeah.

ANNOUNCER: Dave drops June 16th on FXX.

[new age music playing]

[Ray sniffs]

[door rattles]

Mate.

I just had the best idea for a new business.

You know how people like to make sex tapes?

Right. Fuck. What's this shit?

-Turn that shit off. -[music stops]

We go into business together, right,

making home porn.

We go round to people's houses

with a camera, lights and all the gear

and shoot sex tapes.

Why would anybody want to do that?

Mate, people will love it.

I wouldn't.

Yeah, but you're a prude. Mate,

this is a great idea.

You sure you don't want to get in on this?

I came up with a name for the business.

-[exhales] Mm-hmm? -You ready?

Mm.

Home-o Erotic.

Right?

But the "homo" is spelled

H-O-M-E-O.

Home-o Erotic.

Get it?

Do you know what homoerotic means?

Yeah.

It means... gay.

Like, gay sex.

-Really? -Mm.

Oh, fuck.

Took me, like, an hour to come up with that.

[Ray groans]

[sighs]

It's got to be...

Uh, Gary's...

Gary's Glitter Productions.

Hmm?

He was a pedo.

Oh.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah, that wouldn't work.

-Here we are. -Thanks a lot.

-Have a great day. -See you.

Bye.

[birds chirping]

♪ The setting sun will save our souls ♪

♪ Still time left ♪

♪ Despite the changes, day by day ♪

♪ For peace of mind, yeah ♪

♪ We'll find another way to get there ♪

-♪ It won't be easy... ♪ -COACH: Let's go!

Buy a new bag, you cheap bastard.

♪ I know that's okay... ♪

-Wow, look at you, eh? -[laughs]

How you going, mate? All right?

What's this? When are you due?

-Piss off. -[laughs]

-You good? -Oh, really good. Look at me.

So, when are you gonna come back and train?

♪ I know there's no better... ♪

Eh, I've been training at home.

♪ Way to clear your mind... ♪

BOB: So, how's Brucey?

He passed, mate, about a year ago.

-Oh, shit. -Yeah.

Sorry, mate.

♪ The setting sun will... ♪

Oh, I heard he wasn't too good.

-Yeah, yeah, so... -Aw, that's fucked.

Yeah. What are you gonna do, mate, you know?

You holding up all right?

Not too bad, you know.

COACH: Come on. Hands up, hands up.

This place hasn't changed.

Just how I like it.

-How's Killy going? All right? -He's good. Really good.

-Yeah? -Yeah. So, what about you--

you still cracking heads?

♪ Take it day by day by... ♪

-Every now and then. -You're not getting any younger.

What else am I gonna do?

♪ I love the rainy sky... ♪

Start a gym?

Yeah, but I got to make some money.

There's more important things than money.

-Is there? -Yeah.

This place hasn't made me rich, but I love what I do.

I love coming in here every day.

-It's my life. -Mm.

♪ Will save our souls. ♪

Do you love what you do, aside from money?

COACH: Come on!

Not particularly.

You got to ask yourself, "Why am I doing it?"

-[indistinct conversations] -♪

[chanting]: Oi! Oi! Oi! Oi!

[birds chirping]

[birds continue chirping outside]

[siren wails in distance]

♪

[imitating gunshots]

[gun cocks]

Thought you were pretty smart, didn't you?

Well, time to die.

[dogs bark in distance]

Oh, fuck.

♪

[car approaches]

[car door opens]

[car door closes]

Oh, shit.

[car door opens, closes]

[clears throat]

-What's going on? -Nothing.

Couldn't get the passionfruit yogurt, all right?

[sniffs] So...

[sniffs]

[sighs]

Hey.

Come inside.

[exhales]

'Sup?

You tell me.

What?

It's not mine.

Cut the crap, princess.

It's yours, not mine.

Why are you such a smart-ass all of a sudden?

Why do you have a gun?

Doesn't matter why I got a gun.

What matters is you shouldn't be playing with it.

If you didn't have a gun,

then I wouldn't be playing with it, now, would I?

[exhales]

-So, where's the hole? -What hole?

The hole you made when you fired the pistol.

How do you know I fired it?

Smell the gunpowder.

So, why have you got a gun?

-Burglars. -Burglars?

Yeah, you know what burglars are, don't you?

Can we go shooting?

-Nup. -Why not?

'Cause I said.

Please.

Nup.

[keypad beeps]

[lock clicks]

[sighs]

If you took me shooting,

then, you know, you can teach me and stuff.

Don't go in my room again, all right?

Huh? Don't eye-roll me.

-Cut it out, I said. -My eyes are closed.

How can I eye-roll when my eyes are closed?

I don't know.

But I know you're doing it.

-What a jerk. -'Scuse me?

Nothing.

[sighs]

How do I know your medicine is true medicine?

Very easy.

[man on TV speaks indistinctly]

Get some 20 hunters with me.

When all is ready, I will rob the base...

[man continues indistinctly]

COMMENTATOR: There's a very pleasant cross-breeze

here at the ground, it's really helping the...

Mm, Superman, right?

He's flying around, cruising around Metropolis,

looking for bad guys, right?

He's flying around, flying around.

And all of a sudden, he looks down.

-He sees Wonder Woman, right. -Mm, mm.

She's starkers.

Buck naked, all oiled up,

sunbaking on top of this building.

-Right? -Mm-hmm. Mm.

Straightaway, instant boner.

Cracks a fat. Super fat, right?

He thinks to himself, "With my super speed,

"I could fly down there, root her,

"give her a quick couple of pumps

and then be out of there before she even knows what hit her."

-Huh? -Mm.

So, he zooms down, 10,000 miles an hour,

gives her a quick couple of pumps, blows his load

and he's gone in, like, half a second, right?

Yeah.

Wonder Woman jumps to her feet and goes,

"What the fuck was that?!"

The Invisible Man goes,

"I don't know, but my asshole's fucking killing me."

[laughs]

-Fucked him up the ass. -[chuckles]

[laughs]

COMMENTATOR: Beautifully, right off the meat of the bat.

Superman would be able to see him, though.

No, he wouldn't. He's invisible.

Yeah, but, like, in real life,

'cause he's got that fucking, um, X-ray vision.

Yeah, but X-ray vision helps you to see through shit.

It doesn't help you to see stuff that's invisible.

What about that heat vision thing he's got?

-He sees in infrared and all that kind of crap. -Oh, mate.

It's a joke. It's a joke.

What does the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper

have in common?

Don't know. What?

They both search Uranus for Klingons.

-Eh. -Don't like it?

Eh, it's not bad.

Superman joke's better.

Mm.

Oh, mate...

I know you just got out,

but I need you to do me a favor.

Here we go.

I need you to go to my house.

-Mm. -Grab something for me.

What?

-You know my stash spot? -Mm.

I need you to go in there, grab the black plastic bag.

What's in it-- your pee-pee movies?

-No. Already got those. -Oh, good.

-Just grab the black bag. -All right.

Thanks, mate. I appreciate it.

♪ Who I am, who I am without you ♪

♪ All I know is that I should... ♪

In you come.

♪ And I don't know ♪

♪ If I could stand ♪

♪ Another hand upon you ♪

♪ All I know is that... ♪

Hello, Ray.

How you going?

Where are these things you need?

Basement.

♪ More than I could ♪

♪ She who dares to stand... ♪

After you.

[clears throat]

You right?

Are you right?

Future's female, is it?

Sure is.

♪ All I know is that I should... ♪

What's in the bag, Ray-- your pee-pee movies?

♪ More than I should... ♪

They were Gary's.

♪ She who dares ♪

♪ To stand where I stood... ♪

[chuckles]

♪ And I won't be far ♪

♪ From where you are if ever. ♪

[grunts]

-[door closes] -How'd you go?

Tat's new boyfriend's a bit of a cunt.

-Mm. Should have shot her. -Yeah.

So, what's this?

Open it.

What is it?

A Vajankle.

A what?

A Vajankle.

What do you do with it?

You jerk off with it.

You've had your cock in this?

Yeah. Oi!

Here, here, here, have a look.

See? You put your cock in it.

You put your cock in this part with the vagina

and then you play with the foot.

What?

Why would you put your cock in a foot?

'Cause I've got a foot fetish.

[phone rings]

-You need help, mate. -[ringing continues]

Don't knock it till you try it, Ray.

-Hello? -RAFAEL: Hey, Ray, you free?

Yeah, mate, what's up?

-I got a job for you. -Okay. What is it?

[door hums, rattles]

This way.

[door hums, rattles]

Just down here.

[sniffs]

In here.

[low, airy chords]

Just gonna stand there, are you?

-What happened? -Does it fuckin' matter?

Look, get this bitch out of here.

My folks are gonna be home in, like, an hour or so.

She's somebody's daughter, fuckhead.

Get around that side.

-Lift her up. -Yep.

[grunts]

Go around.

[grunts]

-Get the door. -Okay.

[dialing]

[line ringing]

RAFAEL: How'd you go?

Yeah, good.

What do you want me to do with it?

Take it out to Dural. Bramble Road, lot three.

There's a piggery out the back of the farmhouse there.

Feed it to the pigs.

Okay.

[engine starts]

♪

RADIO HOST: Hey, Samantha C. How are you tonight?

SAMANTHA: Hello, Steve. Thanks for taking my call.

RADIO HOST: My pleasure, darling.

Now, tell us all how you met

your sweetheart, Lachlan C.

SAMANTHA: Well, I was on the train home one night

and I was, like, carrying a big stack of stuff...

..between me and the groper

and kind of protected me, you know?

And that was Lachlan.

RADIO HOST: Your knight in shining armor.

SAMANTHA: Yeah, we...

[engine idling]

[pigs squealing]

[squealing, snorting]

[radio continues indistinctly]

RADIO HOST: Samantha, this is a fantastic romantic story.

I really hope your fears are unfounded.

[sighs]

Stay with us here at Radio 1128 for better music like this--

"Stay With Me [Baby]," Lorraine Ellison.

[pig grunts nearby]

♪ Where ♪

♪ Did you go ♪

♪ When things ♪

♪ Went wrong, baby? ♪

♪ Who did you run to ♪

♪ And find a shoulder ♪

♪ To lay your head upon? ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Wasn't I there? ♪

♪ Didn't I take ♪

♪ Good care of you? ♪

♪ No, no, I can't believe ♪

♪ You're leaving me ♪

♪ Stay with me, baby ♪

♪ Please ♪

♪ Stay with me, baby ♪

♪ Oh, stay with me, baby ♪

♪ I can't go on ♪

♪ Who ♪

♪ Did you touch ♪

♪ When you needed ♪

♪ Tenderness? ♪

♪ I gave you so much ♪

♪ And in return ♪

♪ I found happiness. ♪

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

How are ya?How ya going, mate?

Heya, Kenny.

Who are you?

Please...[BOTH LAUGHING]

Who the...are you?

You don't remember Ray?

No!

I guarantee you...

...they'll remember you now!

[LAUGHS]

Yes, you may be discriminated against,

but how do you find joy amidst all of that?

That's up to you.