Original subtitles

This is the last and final boarding call for flight BA138 to London.

Will all remaining passengers please proceed to the gate 35 immediately?

Sir.

Mr. Zubin Readymoney.

Sir.

This is the final boarding call.

The gate will close in exactly one minute.

Sir, I can see you.

Hello.

Naazu.

What happened, Zubin? Anything wrong?

I am at the airport.

Sorry. What? I cannot hear you.

I can’t hear you.

It’s quite loud.

Where…

where are you?

Has something happened, Zubin?

I am waiting for you at the airport.

For sake!

Sir.

She isn’t coming.

Enjoy, sir.

I had planned everything.

A violinist near the river. And...

Anyway...

Marry me.

Wow!

You know.

Whatever doubt I had in my mind has been cleared.

I will come tomorrow to take my stuff.

No, Zubin.

The answer is no.

Oh no! No! No!

Carry on.

Carry on.

Be my guest.

Have a seat.

Cheers.

Eat.

Drink.

Celebrate life.

Hi.

Hi.

Can I get a selfie with you?

In here?

Yes. I mean...

I am not sure you want to, honey.

No. No. I want to. Why not?

I am a man.

And I may be single.

And I can do whatever I want.

And I want my girlfriend to see that...

So am I.

A man.

My pronounces are he, him.

And I am not single.

Your pronounce.

You are a man.

But...

But how?

And that’s your take away from that.

Dental flosser.

Bloody cis-hets.

Dental?

Crazy people.

Don’t you guys know English?

If I start in Hindi...

What will you do?

Sister.

Sister.

- Are you an Indian? - No.

I am an alien.

But tonight you got slapped so many times...

...that your brain has got rewired.

By the way, that was Bengali and not Hindi.

I spoke our language and you made me your sister.

All foreigners are characterless.

And Indians are your relatives.

That’s enough.

I am just getting slapped for whatever I have said all night.

I don’t understand who is a man and who is a woman.

And who is an Indian and who is an alien.

What language do you speak?

I thought in England people speak English.

But no.

- Moreover, I want to pee badly- - Do it.

Who has stopped you?

You are creating a commotion.

You are flirting in the bathroom. I am bound to say something.

Sorry.

- I am not used to this... - I can see that.

- If my girlfriend..- - Dude. Dude.

I am sure you have many issues.

But I really don’t have the bandwidth for this.

Yeah.

But good luck with whatever it is you are doing.

- Thank you. - Bye.

Wait. Your name?

Ruby.

Ruby.

You should have at least told me your real name.

It was so fun.

Ms. and Mrs. McFeegle. Remember, all you need is love.

But good... doesn't hurt...

I am that way.

Hurry up, lady.

Should I just leave him here?

Unless he is your boyfriend.

Either way, do you know what I mean like...

Naazu.

Naazu, please.

Marry me.

Shit! Shit! Shit! I am late!

Good morning.

Where?

What is this?

Relax. Because I don’t know you.

Why did you remove my pant? Where is my pant?

Ask the one who left you near the dustbin.

Dustbin?

Shit!

That scoundrel stole my pant along with my wallet.

Yup.

Issues meet alcohol. Indian boy meet hangover.

Zubin.

Ruby.

Late.

Come on.

Coffee.

I don’t drink instant coffee.

Fancy?

At least try it.

Only two minutes for vomiting.

I don’t have clothes.

Oh man!

Oh God!

Mallya should learn lessons from you.

Have you ever paid a bill?

Not if I can help it.

What work do you do?

I am intimacy coordinator.

What the hell is that?

I choreograph intimate scenes for films, TV shows, etc, etc.

Intimate meaning...

You can say it. It’s not a dirty word.

Is that your job?

Yes.

You can Google the rest.

Wear it. And come on.

Hi.

Hey!

Hey! Good morning.

Quinn.

Zubin.

I am…meet him.

Sorry. He and him.

My pronounces are him...

...and he.

Congratulations.

Nice pants.

How are you, babe?

- Curry for dinner last night. - Oh no.

A man probably got lost on his way to Bangkok.

Hey! I know what that means.

Congrats.

- What do you need, honey? - I have got to rush.

Almond milk.

I need my morning cereal.

It’s in the fridge. You know the drill.

Hey! Shall I call police?

I was not going to Bangkok.

Excellent. Good choice.

Actually, I had come to propose my girlfriend.

- Wow! Fascinating! - He is bev.

Your phone. I found it last night.

Come.

The door is there.

The door is locked. Come on.

Out. Come. Come. Come.

You always get the strange ones.

What the hell is an actuarist?

Actuary.

What does it mean?

I use statistics to estimate the financial impacts...

...of uncertainty and help clients minimize risk.

In Hindi?

I… risk...

...in other word...

I know English. If you haven’t noticed.

Do you think I am an illiterate?

No.

I mean, for your job one needs graduates, postgraduates?

What’s the requirement?

You.

Hey!

Sorry!

I was kidding. Is it that only you can tease me?

No.

Now I understand why your girlfriend dumped you.

It was for a different reason.

Let me guess.

You are really bad in bed.

What?

I mean...

She said I am boring.

I am not good in bed.

If I wasn’t good in bed...

...could I do this?

I am glad you are laughing.

Sorry. Sorry.

At times it happens. People are not compatible. You know.

Give it some time.

How long have you guys been together?

Two years. But I loved her ever since I was in 8th grade.

Two years.

- Are you rich? - No.

But how is that related to Naazu?

There must be some reason for doing...

...a wonderful acting for so long.

I mean, you look okay. But you aren’t really handsome.

Wow! Thanks, Ruby.

Keep moving. Walk and talk. Come.

- Hi, Andrew. - This way please.

Come on, guys. No time, let's go.

What am I doing here?

No. I am not looking for...

...I am in London with a girl with whom I was flirting yesterday?

Oh! You were flirting with me.

And you still say flirting.

Shut up.

I should go back.

If that’s what you want.

Naaz.

Baby.

Please move that side.

This is my side.

I can’t sleep.

Sexy.

We are going to London, baby.

Okay. Look. I know it’s not such a big deal for you.

But I am going there for the first time.

I had given you a pouch for your passport. Not like this...

This is not working.

The pouch.

I don’t like cheating.

Cheating?

What?

Baby, I will never do that.

Not you.

- Me. - You?

You are cheating on me.

Not yet.

I swear. If that Hormuzd is complaining about his parking spot again..

..I will break his scooter today.

- Good morning, son. - Mom.

Packing all done? Just kidding.

You must have done it last Sunday.

- Mom. - Wear your shirt.

- What is this? - Dear.

Snacks. You won’t get anything there.

Naazu.

How are you, dear?

Oh, my God! Didn’t you sleep last night?

Such big dark circles under your eyes.

Here.

Leave the heaviest bag for me to carry.

You are a man. Behave like a man.

While carrying the bag you need a man.

Otherwise every other time woman is stronger.

Smart decision.

Now teach all this to your daughter-in-law and son.

Are you ready for marriage?

Oh! I see.

- I will go have a drink. - It’s not even afternoon.

Time is moving slowly.

Silence.

Please.

Can you guys come later?

I want to talk to Shehnaaz urgently.

What happened, Naazu?

I...

I am not going to London.

Means?

I didn’t want to do it like that.

But...

It’s enough.

Means?

Means!

Means I need a break. Means I am not coming with you.

That’s ironic.

- What? - Break?

Mom, please. Keep quiet for two minutes.

Why?

Why do you want a break?

Because…

...you can’t do it.

Zubin.

Zubin.

Naazu.

I was going to do it in London.

- I had planned everything. - Zubin.

A violinist near the river. And...

Anyway.

Marry me.

Wow!

You know.

Whatever doubt I had in my mind has been cleared.

I will come tomorrow to take my stuff.

No, Zubin.

The answer is no.

Baby!

Can we just go to London?

It will happen.

Bye, Zubin.

I am sorry, aunt.

Yeah, Zubin.

Hi, Naaz...

Is that a new filter?

It’s my hair.

What happened?

It’s purple.

I can see that.

But why?

Because I can.

Okay.

It looks nice.

It’s fresh.

Zubin.

I don’t want to be a bitch.

So please.

Don’t put me in a situation where I don’t have any other option.

- I never called you... - Not yet.

But I don’t want to go there.

So please. Just go. Enjoy your trip.

And stop calling me.

We were just talking about it and...

- I will just come. - Okay.

Come.

Where?

So you will put this hand on here.

And pull my hair.

And you wrap your legs around my waist. And then you...

Hey, fun police!

Are they going to talk their way through the whole scene?

Or can we try one now?

Are you guys good with what we just did?

- Yes. - Sure.

What did I tell you? Sure means?

No.

Exactly. So you are good with this. Or I can just call the whole thing off.

And watch Rob go into cardiac arrest.

Totally worth it.

- Anybody want mint? - Yeah.

Superb. Let’s do this.

Let’s do it. Come on.

Sorry, Dylan.

New assistant, who is not supposed to be here.

That’s fine.

Good luck.

Thanks.

Come on.

Ready. Order please.

Where is the sweat?

If I put any more, they are going to look like...

...they are both having a stroke.

I waited for you to do your hand holding stuff, right?

Now I want more sweat.

- Roll camera. - Rolling.

And action.

Cut!

That’s why men should be banned from watching...

All concepts get...

You cannot do anything even if you bathe in oil. Scoundrel.

What exactly do you do?

I mean, if the director says action...

...they both will do it.

If there is a fight scene, what do they do?

Tell actors to punch each other.

Very good. Action.

Humans’ oldest time pass.

But zero in practical.

That’s why I have a job.

You know, I really wish I knew you before.

I would have taken tips from you.

That was the only thing left.

Which reminds me...

Come.

Come on.

- What are you doing, Ruby? - Phone. Give me your phone.

Give me quickly.

She is not putting her photos on Instagram for time pass.

Your ex is a bitch.

Time to give it back.

Listen.

Listen.

I know I said I was flirting with you.

But I really love Shehnaaz.

Whoa!

That’s so hot.

The right angle can make anything look wrong.

You are welcome.

I am done with my social service for today.

Now for the third time…

...bye.

Can I take you on all my dates with me?

And I love you. But not that much.

Ruby, I wanted to talk to you.

Why are you behaving like my ex?

Listen.

Don’t get offended. But can you…

...give me tips?

Tips?

For what?

You know…tips to get…

..better.

Seriously?

I choreograph scenes.

Does it mean I should start a coaching class?

Dude.

Ruby. Ruby.

Where is Ruby?

The video area. Last I saw.

Ruby.

Listen...

Ruby.

Please.

- What's happening? - Move.

Who are them?

Front door people.

Come on. Get up! Move. Move!

Move! Let's go!

At least the oil came to some use.

What was all this?

Who are you?

Do you think this is? Tom & Jerry.

Stay back. Or I will use it.

Alright, lady. Wait. Calm down.

I am going to use it.

Jesus.

I just want to talk. Take that.

I will do the talking.

Who are you?

Her accountant.

What?

Such a pleasure.

Such a pleasure meeting you guys.

Absolutely.

Absolutely. I will keep that safe.

Nice guys.

You know, Charlie has made an app.

He needs some market risk assessment done for..

Stop talking.

What did they say? What’s happening?

Well, the bank wants to foreclose on the apartment.

They have already sent you 4 NODs and they are setting an appraisal of your-

Why are you talking in Sanskrit?

The bank is going to seize your house.

They have been saying that since one year.

Nothing will happen.

It had almost happened.

Now.

But you have got two weeks’ time.

How?

I will help you.

In sorting out your finances.

I saw all the papers at home.

You need help.

Okay.

Thanks.

You are welcome.

- And in return- - What tips do you want?

What do I do? Sit on the bed with you guys?

Like an Olympics judge. And say…

Zubin, great move! Eight points.

Shehnaaz... Five.

- Huh? - No.

Just teach me what to do.

- Dude, I am not a therapist. - And I am not mad.

That’s not what therapy is.

I am an intimacy coordinator.

I help fake people pretend to have real sex.

You mean you help real people pretext to have fake sex.

Teach me that.

I have never done it before.

Neither have I.

But if I don’t do something...

...Naazu will change me the way she changed her hair color.

Let’s trade.

Both need each other.

Why me?

Go to professionals like normal people.

Because...

I don’t know.

Great argument. Solid.

Listen. Nothing is normal about this situation.

But you took one photo.

And for the first time Shehnaaz reacted.

And I saw you working today. And you are bloody good.

- And I know you. - We met yesterday.

I am wearing your pants.

Point.

So let’s try.

If nothing happens, I am here for just a week.

Then bye-bye, see you.

Fine.

But I am not responsible for any damages.

Done.

What kind of damages?

I mean, everything will work, right?

Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry. I was kidding.

You help me. And I will help you open the front door in a week.

I like the window.

Yeah. What do you think about that?

- She is hot. - Exactly.

But how come Zubin...

Obviously. By paying her money.

Listen.

Are you sure?

Totally.

Full marks for style.

But then?

Then what?

Look. I have already ordered the dress.

And she won’t marry.

You too.

But she has a point.

I mean, it’s not easy to find a well-grounded boy like Zubin.

And he is a Parsi.

He is a human.

He is not a potato.

I dozed off.

Are either of you listening to what I am saying?

Huh?

Sleeping after is good.

Sleeping before.

That’s what? Marriage?

But sleeping while having.

Now that’s a sign from the universe.

He watered all my plants when I went to Udaipur.

Even the cactus.

He got me my GST number.

Gardener.

CA.

Not husband.

And definitely not a lover.

Cold man.

Hello, dear.

No.

- Extraordinary. - Thanks.

You have 22 credit cards and what looks like no collateral.

And you are here to discuss why we shouldn’t foreclose.

Madam, I admire your fortitude.

Olivia.

I am Zubin.

Her accountant.

So here’s the thing.

From what I understand my client has a fixed rate mortgage.

Right?

Yes. Yeah.

And the BOE has just raised the interest rates 0.25.

Which means you are getting a lower rate than...

...you could if you did a Refi to an ARM, right?

There is no rate for foreclose.

Yes.

But you can’t dual track we apply for loan modification.

Or file for bankruptcy.

[SANSKRIT]

[SANSKRIT]

[SANSKRIT]

We are done.

We are?

They are not foreclosing.

For now.

Shall we go?

Let’s go.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Thank you so much.

- Thank you, Olivia. - Thank you so much.

Welcome.

Come look at this..

Have you ever seen anything like this before?

See that.

Ruby.

The bank is going to seize your home.

Instead of clearing the mortgage you are planning to open a shop.

Café.

- Are you mad or what? - Oh what! Definitely!

Oh what!

Is it necessary to do it now?

Why?

I don’t know.

My father used to run a café.

Tea and biscuit.

I remember sitting there in my childhood.

Eating biscuit.

Sorry. Moving on.

So, first mortgage...

...and then café.

From where will you get money for both?

I have been saving since three years.

It’s not without a reason.

2442 pounds.

See.

Who needs banks?

You. You need banks.

Even if we forget the mortgage...

...this is your café’s rent for 3-4 months.

Only rent.

Civil work. Interiors.

Furniture. Staff. Maintenance.

From where will you get money for that?

What about your parents?

I just have my father.

Where?

Southampton.

Great!

- Let’s go and meet him. - No.

- But there is no other option. - No.

That’s all for today.

Now your turn.

It’s a two-way street. Right?

Gen.

Oh God! It’s so expensive.

- It’s so costly. - I said enough.

"Starvation is better than tasteless food."

What was that?

It was poetry.

By Omar Khayyam.

I can’t be miserly.

I have seen enough of that in my life.

There is a difference between poverty and miserly.

So Mr. Readymoney.

Why are you bad in bed?

I didn’t say that.

Zubin.

She dozed off.

You are not going to get performer of the year award.

Fine.

So tell me, what to do?

How do I... do it?

Show me your technique.

Okay.

What the hell are you doing?

You only said. Show me your technique.

Not like that.

Okay.

Let’s get one thing very clear.

Okay?

Nothing can happen between us.

No shedding clothes. Nothing.

Strictly professional. Got it?

Yeah. Right.

Obviously.

Of course.

Good.

So what do you do first?

Music.

Mood. Nice.

I have a playlist.

Of course you do.

It’s called gentle time.

You know I read a study about BMP and its effects..

No. Just no.

Next.

I start with her.

Gently.

Then I shed her clothes.

Then I...

...fold it and keep.

Then I shed my clothes.

- Then I- - Fold it and keep.

And then…

...we make love.

Between 5… 7 minutes.

And...

That’s it. What else?

Let me guess.

Two condoms?

You look like a two condom kind of guy.

Actually, studies have shown that wearing two condoms, put-

Lie down.

Huh?

I am not a therapist. But this is what I do.

Come on. Lie down.

Now I am you and you are me.

I mean, Shehnaaz. Okay?

Okay.

You have seen ‘Friends’?

Yes.

Each and every episode.

Twice.

That’s great.

You remember the one where Monica teaches Chandler about the zones.

So maybe not seven.

But you need to know one or two.

Depending on the person.

Use your lips...

Finger's.

Breath.

Props.

Sometimes it happens.

When two actors are doing a scene...

Physical attraction is normal.

What do you tell your actors then?

Why don’t you just try acting?

Did you have any other girlfriend before Shehnaaz?

I had a few.

But all the time I waited for her.

She was my childhood crush.

Crush.

Still in touch.

No. No. No.

Only on Facebook. But...

Name.

Why?

Nauheed Wadia.

What are you doing?

I don’t know you. But she knows you.

Let’s ask.

- Are you mad or what? - Or what? Definitely.

No. Please. Not Nauheed.

- Why? - Not Nauheed.

She...

That ending was…

...a bit complicated.

Even better.

And hello.

She is in Southampton.

Some World Zoroastrian Youth Congress.

Okay.

Fine.

Do you want today’s diagnosis?

Should I be worried?

Your problem is not there.

It’s here.

Like 90% of the problems in bed.

What rubbish!

What were the names?

Whose?

Yours and Shehnaaz’s unborn babies.

How the hell did you know?

Meherzad and Mahrukh.

So when is this helping going to begin?

Will you keep teasing me all the time?

It’s called tough love, Zubin.

Tough love.

What a strange concept!

Ruby.

Are you awake?

Ruby.

I have a plan.

Dude!

At least ring the bell.

It’s a window.

Point.

So I have a plan.

And I have a hangover.

Road trip.

Phase one.

Nauheed is here.

Let’s go meet her.

Till yesterday the ending was complicated.

It was.

Since then we haven’t spoken.

So it’s best to meet.

Also, spontaneous.

Spontaneous.

Wow!

Only you can make a plan of spontaneity.

That too with bullet points.

Phase two.

This year Parsi meet is in Southampton.

No.

- Ruby. - No.

Ruby, not as a guarantor but...

...your tax notification, address proof all documents have that address.

At least bring that.

You have got me some time.

We will figure out something.

Yes?

Front door guys.

From another place.

Each time one phone gets broken.

I am so going to regret this.

Yes!

Honey, she is not that good.

We are going on a road trip. To Southampton.

Why?

Because he is bad in bed.

Fair enough. Fair enough.

- I am not- - We will have to go by bus.

- I am not bad- - You could take Sally.

Really?

I am not bad-

I am not sure my license...

No. No. You are not getting anywhere near that wheel but...

..Southampton pride is that weekend. So...

What the hell! I will drive you.

Thanks.

See.

Spontaneous.

There is no seatbelt.

It’s backseat.

So what happened?

The car is beautiful though.

Are you sure you don't have any Parsi in you?

I am going to say no.

Unless that was an offer.

In which case the answer is never in a rain of pig’s pudding.

No.

What is the British’s problem?

They have converted the whole world into English medium.

But when they talk, we have to keep Google translate on.

Hey! Rude. English please.

Thank you. That is exactly what I am saying.

Mom.

Camera. Mom, camera.

Hi, son. Having fun?

Yes, mom.

Okay. I was thinking that you should stay back for a few more days.

You know, that whiskey tour in Scotland is too good.

Let him come home if he wants to.

He has ventured out of Colaba mistakenly.

By the way, where are you?

In a car.

I am going to Southampton with Ruby.

Who is Ruby? The hotel clerk.

Ruby...

Hi, uncle. Hi, aunt.

I am Ruby.

We are helping each other because...

I also don’t know that.

Hi, Ruby. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

Where did you guys meet?

In the bathroom.

But he was flirting with a boy.

- See. I told you. - I was not flirting with anybody.

Neither boy nor girl nor animal.

I love Shehnaaz. Now and forever.

Fine. Fine.

But why are you going to Southampton?

To meet Nauheed.

Nauheed who? Wadia? Your ex?

Okay. I will call you later.

Okay. Love you. Bye.

Didn’t she look a bit East Indian type?

I like them.

Keep them.

Please.

Do they call you everyday?

Oh yes! If by day you mean four hours.

Wow!

Yeah!

They are completely deranged.

But I love them.

Again. Wow!

I can’t remember the last time I said that about mine.

Yeah.

You guys don’t love your parents.

It’s 2022. Not 1982.

Who does?

When I came out to mine, the only question they asked...

...was how many people knew.

And you?

And me nothing.

Ruby?

Zubin.

What about your mom?

She left us.

I don't blame mom.

You know, I have a cousin who is gay.

That’s awesome.

I am not gay.

You are not.

I mean, of course, you are not.

- But then what are you... - Zubin.

If you don’t know, keep quiet. Don’t be a...

What?

I was just...

I am a male feminist.

So you are a feminist.

Look. I just don’t understand how that works.

- The whole pronounce and identity. - I don’t get religion.

But if she wants to pray to some magic wizard in the sky...

...I am not going to short-circuit on it.

You don’t need to get it.

Just accept it. Respect it.

That’s all.

You get it?

Yeah.

I think this calls for the full Sally experience.

"Listen to what your heart is saying."

"Why is the ambiance so different?"

"Dark clouds have moved away and the sky has become clear."

"The scenario is colourful."

"The air is fragrant."

"The gypsy caravan is leading the way."

"An unknown stranger. But a bit sensible."

"Your words and songs are true."

"Everybody loses some and gains some."

"Let go of all woes and the world."

"Look. Entangled dreams have grown as big as the sky."

"Entangled dreams."

"My crazy heart."

"See how it merged with the clouds."

"Entangled dreams."

"My crazy heart."

Behind the umbrella. Amidst boulders.

So?

Are you mad?

In front of the public?

What if we slip?

What if water goes in?

Train.

Sorry. Stupid question.

Plane.

Auto. Bus stop.

In a restaurant’s bathroom. While watching movies.

- Can I say something? - Yeah.

I like beds.

What’s the problem in having sex on the bed?

That’s what it’s made for.

Car is for driving.

Cinema is for watching movies.

And a bathroom is-

There something about pissing in the wind that’s just primal.

Shall we, ladies?

I think we need to start with something simpler.

Kissing. Show it.

What?

Your technique.

I don’t think I have a technique.

And therein lies the problem, Zubin.

Show me.

It’s a fruit. Not your sister.

Use your lips.

Not so much. Gently.

And... she dozed off.

Are you teaching me? Or making me do parade march?

It’s really not helping.

Fine.

But control your emotions.

Okay?

What?

Get up.

It’s not a softie.

It won’t melt if you take some time.

And now, don’t fall in love with me or something.

Definitely broke him this time.

Now I know how you felt in my house.

- Let’s go back. - Are you mad?

I haven’t travelled for two hours on my off day to come and pray here.

What was the complicated ending?

Cheating.

The same old story.

Nauheed.

You cheated?

Obviously you don’t know Zubin.

I was the bitch.

Zubin Readymoney.

Are you here for my apology?

It’s a bit late for that. I know.

God knows I tried then.

- I didn’t say anything to you. - I know.

Nothing.

Anyway.

Whatever it is, I don’t care. Bye.

Ms. Wadia. Hi. I am Ruby.

Zubin’s psychiatrist.

Right.

You are not his type.

But like I said, I don’t care.

Goodbye.

Nauheed.

5 minutes.

Please.

Aren’t you getting married?

What’s her name?

Shehnaaz.

I was going to.

Now, I don’t know.

Oh no!

What about your schedule?

You must be mourning in Khushroo Baug.

Why are you so angry with me?

Shouldn’t I be angry?

I wish.

At least I would have got some reaction.

- I wasn’t so bad. - Zubin.

You walked in on me.

With another man.

In the kitchen.

What did you do?

You started cleaning the table quietly.

You didn’t utter a word.

Anyway.

What is this? Why have you come?

Nauheed.

Was I bad?

In bed.

Sorry.

I am not ridiculing you.

If you had told me you will discuss it after two years..

There is an advantage of being an ex.

You don’t have to lie.

Your problem is not in bed.

I mean, it is.

It is a problem. But that’s not the reason.

I didn’t cheat on you because he was good in bed.

Or because I fell in love with him.

I cheated because I couldn’t follow...

...your time-table for one more day.

You still sleep on the right side of the bed.

That’s it.

I was tired of sleeping on the left side.

Wow!

For how long had you saved this line?

Two years.

But listen. I…

I am trying to change.

This girl Ruby…

is not a psychiatrist.

I met her two days ago.

And then, I came here to meet you.

I came to London. Alone.

I went to a club.

And I got drunk.

I am fixing myself.

And…it feels nice.

Zubin 2.0.

Ruby is helping me. And...

Nauheed, what happened?

Go to hell, Zubin.

Why are you getting angry now?

Because you are a...

I am so confused.

You were the most boring man in the world.

- Not anymore. - That’s the problem.

So you would prefer if I was the same control freak, boring man?

Yes.

That would be much better.

Because this Zubin...

Hi. I have come to London.

For self-improvement. Zubin 2.0.

This is what I wanted.

And now...

You also want it.

But not with me.

I guess I should say something like...

...Shehnaaz is very lucky.

But you know what?

I am not in the mood.

I should have done the booking.

This is the outcome of being spontaneous.

All hotels are full.

Who knew that pride and Parsi would flock together?

Relax, Zubin.

Look around. See how happy people are.

You are the only one who is sulking.

What did your ex say?

Nothing.

I thought only Shehnaaz had a problem.

Maybe it’s her fault.

But now...

It’s your turn.

Phase 2. Come on.

What happened to your mood?

Listen. I spoke to Nauheed for your sake.

Okay? Now it’s your turn.

Quid pro quo.

Latin. So sexy.

I have one for you.

The party has just begun.

No. I am tired.

After this paperwork. I promise.

I will sit for some time and then come.

Fine.

But just remember. She is not the only one having a good time.

I am coming with you.

Where are you going?

Naazu.

Naazu.

Oh, my God!

Zubin.

What?

What the...!

Zubin.

What’s happening? What happened?

I am a control freak.

I am boring.

What else did she say?

I am unspontaneous.

- That’s not a word. - I will show her.

I can be fire.

Lit.

What is it called?

Zubin, you should lie down for some time.

Ruby.

Do you know? The past three days were the most...

...pathetic days of my life.

Greatest hits of my issues are going on.

And now, with another man Naazu was...

That’s it.

That’s it. It’s enough.

It’s enough.

I just want to feel happy.

Listen.

I just want to feel happy.

It’s okay. Just look around.

Yeah.

Yeah. You are right.

You are right.

It’s the celebration of love. Right?

Yeah.

Let’s celebrate.

My brother.

I love you!

I love you!

I love you. Let’s celebrate!

Let’s celebrate. I love you!

I love you!

"Look. Just see how the scenario has blossomed beautifully."

"I have discovered that light on my path."

"It’s like dawn."

"Let’s soar."

"In the open sky."

"Trance."

"Demur, coyness, grace."

"A light touch that brings you closer."

"Stay in this moment."

"Dance merrily."

"Look. Immerse yourself in all the colors."

"Look. Entangled dreams have grown as big as the sky."

"Entangled dreams."

"My crazy heart."

"See how it merged with the clouds."

"Entangled dreams."

"My crazy heart."

"Look. Entangled dreams have grown as big as the sky."

"Entangled dreams."

"My crazy heart."

"My crazy heart."

"Entangled dreams."

"Entangled dreams."

Stop it.

To hell with your Naazu.

You deserve better.

You are an okay guy.

Can’t you give a proper compliment?

I did. Two.

Ok-ay.

- Come on. Get up. - What?

Why?

I found Airbnb. Come on.

Mr. Spontaneous.

You couldn’t take it.

I'm taking the f**k back.

Tell me something.

You were always a designated driver in college, weren’t you?

Papa.

How did we come here?

Your paperwork.

Is he your friend?

Papa, he is already vexed with the English here.

Please don’t add Bengali to the mix now.

How are you, Rubaiyat?

Rubaiyat?

- Is your name Rubaiyat? - He doesn’t even know your name.

My name is Ruby.

We had named you Rubaiyat.

Who we?

I can only see you here.

You look good.

I am good.

You look old.

I am old.

New coffee machine.

Finally, you loosened your purse.

I stay alone.

So my expenses have halved.

Are you still doing your immoral work?

Yes. My plan of going to hell hasn’t changed.

No. Shame. Decorum...

Tell me something. Does the word ‘decorum’...

...apply only on women?

Men have complete freedom to be shameless.

It’s almost like a compliment.

But an entire word has been reserved for us.

"Decorum."

- Stop your nonsense. - What do I do then?

Sit quietly in a corner. And then, leave the house one fine day.

- Like mom. - Rubaiyat!

My name is Ruby.

Potato and ‘Puri’... (Fried flatbread)

‘Luchi’ (Fried flatbread).

Please. I am not interested.

In what?

In your nonsense.

I love her and all that speech. Nonsense.

But I don’t love her.

I don’t love her.

I love Shehnaaz.

Shehnaaz? Who is Shehnaaz?

Shehnaaz is my fiancée.

She was.

She was going to be.

Forget it.

Ruby is helping me. And I am helping her.

In sorting out her finances and opening her café.

Café?

Yes. After I save her from the bank.

But yes. She is planning to.

We needed paperwork for that. So we...

So Rubaiyat will quit her work?

I don’t know.

She shouldn’t quit it.

- It’s an important work. - Important.

How can making porn be important?

If not for her, it would have definitely been a blue film.

She keeps people safe. She makes them comfortable.

So that people can make more such films.

Huh?

What will happen if they don’t make all this?

Nothing.

You will be able to pretend that...

...there is no word like sex in the dictionary.

I will bring the paper.

Wash your face. You fool.

Ruby.

Every relationship is a transaction.

Okay.

What happened to you?

All relations of your life.

With all the men and women you know.

All of them are transactions.

Like yours and mine.

You are helping me and I'm helping you.

Except one.

Your relation with your father.

Ruby, he doesn’t need anything back.

Even now.

You had asked...

...how can anyone still love their parents in 2022?

This is how.

That’s nice.

But you have no idea how I have spent my childhood.

I don’t.

However it was...

...it’s just the two of you now.

Try.

Once.

I made it for you.

No.

It’s genuinely quite good.

I heard you are opening your café.

What’s the need to hide it?

It’s good.

At least you will quit that job.

I like that job.

- Why are you opening a café then? - I don’t know.

As a kid I used to see you behind the counter.

And I used to feel that it’s such a cool job.

Indians used to come.

To drink tea in the evening.

It was your mom’s recipe.

Cardamom, clove, cinnamon...

Okay. I can’t do this.

I can’t.

You had said it’s just the two of us now.

But why is it just the two of us?

Because he drove mom away.

When I asked him, nothing.

Complete silence.

When I tried to find her…

...he didn’t help me at all.

It’s almost like he never cared.

Why did she run away?

Because she was fed up of you and your stinginess.

Like me.

You know. I was the only kid in school...

...who could never afford a school trip, who never had new toys.

I was so, so embarrassed all the time.

I tried.

- Sit. - No. Thanks.

I didn’t drive her away.

I didn’t drive her away.

She left willingly.

She didn’t want an immigrant life.

Tea stall. Poverty. You and me.

She didn’t want it.

Unlike our country, arranged marriage here...

...doesn’t mean lifelong imprisonment.

So she left.

She found a foreigner...

...who could give her everything.

Before leaving she said…

...not to try and find her.

That’s why I didn’t let you talk to her.

Because she didn’t want to talk.

Yes. I was stingy.

Because I had to face bankruptcy each month.

If you cannot afford child care here...

...then child service people take your child away from you.

I didn’t want that to happen.

Listen.

I don’t hate her.

But I wanted to make sure you don’t grow up hating her.

I think I succeeded a bit too much.

Why didn’t you tell me all that before?

I am your father.

My job is to protect you from all negativity.

Look, Rubaiyat.

Rubaiyat, I am old.

I belong to a different generation.

I don’t understand what you guys do.

But it’s allowed.

All parents think like that.

My parents also used to think that if I cross the seven seas...

...and go to study English, I will go to hell.

Each generation has a problem with the next generation’s choices.

It’s fine.

If that doesn’t happen, how will you people rebel?

Look.

I cannot be like that overnight.

What do you guys say? Cool.

But...

...will lukewarm do?

Papa.

Such a dad joke.

But I am a dad.

Fine.

I don’t have high hopes. But…

let’s try.

‘Luchi’ (Fried flatbread).

You are still grumpy.

Yes. I am just like you.

Shots fired.

You can also eat it.

My recipe book.

It will be useful for your new café.

Look.

I can tolerate your anger.

But this aloofness, ignorance...

...not allowed.

So, Rubaiyat.

I will kill you.

You are quoting the book you are named after.

So uncool.

Hello.

Look what I got.

What is she doing today?

She is going on a vacation.

Why are you so interested in my future?

The deal was for bank work, right?

That deal was with Ruby.

I am thinking about Rubaiyat’s future.

Why?

Because she is my friend.

And I like her.

I told you don’t fall for me.

I am not.

Ruby is almost impossible to fall for.

But Rubaiyat.

She has potential.

It’s a name that can handle domestic life...

Your domestic life.

I will hit the car with a tree.

Double suicide. How romantic!

I am glad I met you.

Yeah. Me too.

You guys are so cute. I am going to throw up.

Nice.

But?

Honest feedback?

Uncle’s was better.

I knew it. Damn it!

I need to hire a cook.

Everything is organized for the bank meeting.

By date and category.

Oh no! Relapse.

The therapy has been a waste.

Funny.

Rubaiyat.

It’s such a beautiful name.

I have even started reading it.

See.

Come on. Maybe there is hope. Yeah.

Perhaps the most beautiful trip of your life...

...is the one that is unplanned.

To unexpected detours.

I am a beautiful journey.

Cheers.

Did you talk to Shehnaaz?

No.

- Don’t you want to talk? - I want to.

I am doubtful about whether she wants to talk.

Okay. Fine.

Let’s try something. Okay?

Tell me five things that you dislike about her.

I can’t think of anything.

Zubin, don’t be such a coward.

You feel scared of her, don’t you?

No.

Come on.

Last lesson.

I am Shehnaaz.

Okay. Now you are scaring me.

Tell me. What problem do you have with me?

Check. It must be mom or dad’s call.

- They will get worried. - Tell me, you coward.

What is this horror movie type behaviour?

Ruby! Rubaiyat!

This is my favourite shirt.

It was.

I don’t understand. What’s happening?

In last five days I had with five men.

And I was awake the whole time.

What will you say? You coward.

Tell me, you...

I don’t even know what that means.

You don’t know what it means.

Next time take notes. I will be with two men.

Maybe three men. Maybe one from-

You are a bloody bully!

You never took me seriously.

You want to marry me only because both of us are Parsis.

And your breath f**king stinks.

Four. Nicely done.

Really? She doesn’t brush?

Not thrice a day as per the timer.

Who are you?

Naazu.

Shehnaaz.

His girlfriend.

Okay. So she was walking around looking for Zubin.

And I didn’t know...

But I like what’s going on here.

Can I watch?

Sod off, Quinn.

You are stalking him.

I called.

Thrice.

He made our location sharing visible for each other.

Safety.

That is so Zubin.

Naazu, what are you doing in London?

- Can you please open this? - Do you know?

I received so many marriage proposals from Parsis.

I refused all of them.

So you love him.

I am sorry.

But can you please stay out of this?

I don’t know how much he has paid you.

Naazu. Naazu. She is not a...

I thought since you are a woman...

...you won’t pass judgment so quickly. But...

I am not judging you.

It’s your life. You can do whatever you want.

Not that there is anything wrong in being one but I am not a prostitute.

I picked him from the dustbin and brought him home.

Wonder how he became my friend.

Okay. Seriously. Please open me.

Mounting on your friend and bitching about his girlfriend...

...must be normal for you.

Right?

If his girlfriend ditches him and sleeps around with half of Mumbai...

...that is allowed.

Guys!

Please. Can somebody open me?

Excuse me.

I just realized something.

Both of us are fighting over this idiot.

And neither of us are his girlfriend.

Till a few days ago the highlight of his life was...

...that he was an expert in making girls go to sleep.

I mean, that’s bad.

Okay, Ruby.

Open me.

Now.

Ruby. Ruby!

- What am I doing here? - Naazu.

Seriously.

FOMO.

Yeah.

Imagine this.

One day Zubin becomes so cool that...

...I start feeling jealous.

How pathetic is that?

Thanks.

Tell me something.

Why didn’t you come with him that day?

I don’t like cheating.

But after spending one year with Zubin...

...anybody would start looking around.

I am not just talking about that.

You mean...

Why are Indians so scared of this word?

I am a British citizen.

Passport doesn’t decide your country.

Okay, guys. Seriously.

That’s enough. Can you open me?

Zubin, this is important.

Not scared.

But in India telling anybody...

...especially your parents that you are breaking up with your boyfriend.

Because is boring...

Can you imagine that conversation?

Moreover, his time-table.

Of eating, drinking, waking up, crying, sleeping.

Everything is planned.

- Absolutely no... - Spontaneity.

I have got this feedback from many.

That day I felt…

...this is my life.

And I…

...will become moody if I live this life.

I couldn’t.

I just couldn’t.

You are not wrong.

Your only fault is that you didn’t give him a chance to change.

Yes. There are many issues in him.

But issues can be resolved too.

Both of you need to sit in one room and talk.

I have to go for work tomorrow morning.

So wear your clothes and leave.

Our arrangement is done.

Wow!

Baby.

Whatever you did with her...

...I forgive you.

You forgive me?

Okay.

Fine.

How is this?

Whatever happened in these five days...

...delete it.

We will never ask each other about it.

Deal?

But...

Okay.

This feels right.

I hated being single.

It feels strange to be alone, right?

Right?

You know.

No.

I…don’t, actually.

- Naazu. - Zubin.

Wait.

I owe you this.

Marry me.

Listen.

I know I did some things which I shouldn’t have done.

But I told you.

Delete it.

No.

Are you taking revenge?

No.

I don’t want to delete it.

Ruby and you...

No.

I don’t know.

But that’s not the point.

What you were saying...

I just realized.

I can’t remember the last time I was single.

It’s almost like…

...I am scared to be alone.

I used to be.

I am sorry, Naazu.

I am changing.

Isn’t this what you also wanted?

Yes.

This is what I wanted.

But not like this.

"Starvation is better than tasteless food."

What?

It’s from a book I am reading.

Do you know the next line?

"Loneliness is better than compromise."

"I was carrying some fragments of sunlight in my hands."

"In the quest for shade I doused a bit and I burned a bit."

"My heart was lost amidst clouds."

"Sunrays opened the window."

"Dawn broke on the way."

"The sky was scattered."

"Droplets paved the way."

"And created a rainbow in my heart."

"Grief has started soaring."

"Grief has started blending."

"Grief has started living somewhere in my dreams."

Didn’t you feel scared?

For what?

What if you guys had not met each other?

You know, that’s the problem with love stories.

They have destroyed the reputation of being alone.

What is this romantic concept of soul mates?

You will meet such a person in your life...

...who will make you feel whole.

Basically, your happiness lies in somebody else’s hands.

No. What we need to worry about is...

...becoming whole on our own.

"Grief has started soaring."

"Grief has started blending."

"Grief has started living somewhere in my dreams."

"There are many sagas in these moments."

"It tells us to live in the moment."

"Breaths are throbbing."

"It tells us to live in words."

"Humans have many memories."

"It tells us to live merrily."

"There are many desires in words."

"It tells us to live colourfully."

Hey!

Uncle!

Wow!

All this...

You and here?

What is going on?

She has opened a café. She needs a good cook.

Thank God.

But Ruby…Rubaiyat...

Ruby will do.

What is she doing?

What she knows best.

Helping people.

- She has become a therapist. - No. She is studying.

But nowadays she is making people shed inhibitions.

Money? Bank?

You know about money.

She is not good. I am.

I had saved some money. It came to use.

Will you have tea?

Papa, he cannot even understand English properly.

You have started talking in Bengali.

Who speaks English in this wretched country?

Are you stalking me?

Yes.

Seriously?

That’s all the faith you have in your therapy?

I came to ask for coffee.

The next session is at 2.

Walk and talk. I have a lot of work.

I can see that.

So finally, you took your father’s help.

I didn’t have any other option.

He went directly to the bank.

What about hell?

Both will go there together.

Seriously.

Why have you come here?

I have come to propose you.

Oh man!

Don’t be such a Ruby. At least hear me out.

Friendship is rarer than love.

St. Guru.

Funny.

You know, you just pick a human you met and you think.

Yeah. I like this one.

Let’s do things together.

I have learnt to stay single.

But I miss having a friend.

Ruby, I have spent my whole life...

...within a radius of 2 km from my colony.

Now I want to see the world.

I don’t have any plans.

I have just embarked on a journey.

Let’s see what happens.

Zubin without any plans.

Hey! You were the best thing I never planned.

Zubin, that’s sweet.

And true.

I am in London for six months.

Transfer.

After that I don’t know where I will go.

All I know is that I don’t want to delete you.

Friends?

Fine. Friends.

"Embrace this moment."

"This moment is your life."

No way.

Okay. Seriously impressed now.

Are you sure you are not flirting with me?

Yuck, Rubaiyat.

Who the hell says flirting anymore?

At the moment, no.

But I can’t guarantee you about the future.

I knew it. Stalker.