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You want us to wait?

I'll catch up.

Jace?

Fuck.

Nope!

No fucking way, guys!

I'm not doing this!

Stop.

Okay! Okay!

Jace?

Bradford?

Holy fucking shit.

How long can you
scream like that?

No. Hold up. Stop.

Like, how long can you do
that in a night

without needing, like, a
break or something?

Uh, probably a few hours.

'Kay.

And underwear? You
fine working in just underwear?

Yeah.

This isn't sexual
harassment.

She knows that.
- Yeah, that's not a problem.

'Kay. Blood?

You fine with blood?
- Yeah. Great.

Like a shitload
of blood, though,

like, gallons of it.

The more the merrier.

All right.

Let's show her how to die.

So you're actually
going to be filling in

for someone who flaked on us.

You fine to start us today?

I don't think I'm wearing
the right underwear for that.

I wouldn't worry
too much about that.

We've got plenty
for you to pick from.

I've been filling in for her
since she ditched us,

but I'm primarily
the makeup artist, so, eh.

This is all part time
and seasonal

so sometimes
people just disappear.

And Bradford doesn't look
super convincing in a bra,

so there's that.

When'd you see me in a bra?
I look amazing in a bra.

It's kind of a weird time
for you to jump in.

There's only a couple of days
left in the season,

but if you can fill in for
just those couple of days,

that'd be awesome.

Yeah.
That sounds good.

You went to
theater school?

- DePaul, yeah.
- Okay, great.

It's basically the same thing
as putting up a show,

instead of eight performances
a week

you're doing 40 performances
in a night,

one every couple of minutes.

But the lines are a lot
easier to remember

because it's just a bunch
of fucking screaming.

Yeah. Backstage should feel
pretty familiar, too.

We're just a bunch of theater
kids who never grew up

and got real jobs.

Everybody's flirtatious,

but it's a summer camp,
kind of flirtatious,

so it should be
completely harmless

if, for whatever reason,
it doesn't feel harmless

you come to one of us
immediately.

Yeah.

Long story short, no touching.

They don't touch you.
We don't touch them.

They do touch you.
Yell "Pervo!"

We're coming running.
- Pervo?

Yeah. It was carefully
chosen.

Took us a long time
to get there.

Speaking of which,
we got to go.

I'm going to be in
there with you

the whole time.

Nobody will get anywhere
near you.

He's not that big,

but he does have a table
full of weapons.

I'm big enough.
Plus, weapons.

And I'm a
fucking ghoul.

Blood!
Guts!

All right,
everybody, this is Matilda.

She's going to be our new
scalpee for the night.

It's her first time
at a haunted house,

so let's be nice to her.

But she's got a
hell of a scream,

so just show her
what to do, all right?

Taylor's only been gone
a couple days.

Okay.

And if she shows up, we'll
find her something to do.

She loves being scalped.

Okay, but Rosemary doesn't.

And I need someone who
can scream,

and I found someone who can
scream. So let's be nice,

okay?

Anyway, guys, we got
a to haunt open.

Why're we just
sitting around?

Hey, it's not her fault.

Taylor took off.

Bachelor of Fine Arts.

Okay.

Like a glove.

Yeah.

So do you have any double-
sided tape for this glove?

I'm worried I'm going to start
thrashing around and it's all

gonna pop out.
- I got you covered.

Figuratively.

Here's your chair.

Oh.

And here is your hair.

Oh.

And I think it's probably
going to match...

Yes!

There we go.

Awesome. Okay.

So...

Basically, when he scalps
you, he's going to

lift this part up.

Oh, yuck.

I will goop it up more.

Oh, nice, okay.

Boop, boop, boop.

Okay, you're done.
- Awesome.

You can sit out in the hall,
we will come and get you

when we're ready
to place you.

Awesome. Thank you.

How we
doing over here?

Has anyone
seen my heart?

- You're missing out.
- What about, like, beans?

It seems as though
someone has stolen my heart.

and hopefully they're single
and emotionally available.

Thanks, Pumpkin.

We can make it work.

Ping! Ping!

One! Two! Three!

Let's go!

Little chilly tonight,
huh, bud?

Lemme help you out?

There you go.

Great door scare.

You clearly work here.

What the fuck?

It is time to open
this haunted house!

This is what we live for!

Tonight, we give the people
what they want.

And what they want...

is blood and...

Guts!

- Blood!
- Guts!

- Blood!
- Guts!

- Blood!
- Guts!

- Blood!
- Guts!

Let's open
this haunt!

Let's go!
Let's go!

♪ IT'S HALLOWEEN ♪
by First of October

Could this one
be a little tighter?

Yeah.

Just let me know if you
need a break or anything.

Yeah. For sure.

You know what to do?

I start screaming
when you start cutting.

Hey, have a
good first night.

It's not my
first night.

Thanks.

It's really weird
you don't recognize me.

Don't get too
comfortable, Rook'.

Not a rookie.

I was in the room
when we hired you.

I think she was
talking to me.

Oh, she was being a bitch?

Yeah.

Aww. Thank you.

Oh! Okay.

I thought they weren't
allowed to touch us.

They can't touch us, right?

Welcome to
Realm of Terror.

Oh.

Does my scarecrow
not scare you?

Come on, Scarecrow.

Scare these people.

Rawr.

Oh.

Still not scared.

We can do better than that.

Let's help him out.

Oh, yeah.

It appears it's time for
you to hurry in

before my associates

start looking
for another scarecrow.

I hear a post

has recently opened up.

Of course,

I wouldn't want
to tie you to...

...anything.

How many?

Two, please.

You just graduated?

Yeah.

You part of any
theater groups?

I was at a troupe in school,
but after graduation

we all kinda scattered.

Chicago's a theater town.

That's what I said,

but the theater kids
headed east

and the screen kids
headed west.

Didn't feel like chasing
the big time?

Well, I mean,
we just graduated.

I mean, why is everyone so
eager to dive

into the deep end?

I mean, can't we take
a second to breathe?

Or get chained to walls?

Right.

I thought we got a year
to, like, chill out

and see if we were
actually cut out for this.

And they all just
kind of left me, so...

now I gotta find a new
group of weirdoes

to hang out with.

Well...

you've come to
the right place.

Right?

All right. Show time.

Okay.

Here we go.

Oh! More beautiful scalps!

Whoa.

- Pretty great, right?
- Holy shit.

Dude, double high fives.
Come on.

- Um...
- Come on. You can do it.

- I can't do it.
- No, that's good. Here.

♪ SYMPHONY NO. 8 IN Bm
'UNFINISHED' D. 759 ♪
by Franz Schubert

♪ WE'RE CHEAP ALREADY ♪
by Driftless Pony Club

You killed it!

- No.
- Yes. You're a scream queen!

- Stop.
- You fucking killed it! Yes!

Sounds like you
killed it.

I guess. Yeah.

I mean, you doing that?

Oh, no,
not the big screaming stuff.

I'm no good at that.

I make a much better body
in a tub

with long slit wrists,

laying still, occasionally
twitching, splashing people.

That I can sell, but

we got rid of the suicide
tub years ago.

Bradford enjoys performing

as much as he likes
running this place.

If he had boobs, we probably
could have

ridden out the season.

- Fair enough.
- Your scalp, my dear.

Be kind.
- Thank you. Yes, I will.

So are the fitting rooms

first come first serve
at the end of the night or...

For those that bother
with them.

What?

Hey! Picture!

There's always a few.

In three, two, one.

Yeah. That's great, guys.
Thanks.

Good, good, good.

You don't mind, do you?

No.
I admire the confidence.

- No. The picture.
- Oh!

They love their post-haunt,
half-makeup, naked stuff.

No, no. I don't mind.

Almost 80 thousand
followers, too.

Sweet.

Yeah, I got to keep it
nipple free, though.

Well, I mean, you gotta
leash those nips sometimes.

Double standard.
Right, Jace?

Oh, I could go full nip.

God, there's two of you.

Yeah, this year.

Last year there were, like,
what, four of us?

Five if Julie had
a couple drinks.

Oh yeah.

How many Instagram
followers do you have?

Oh, no. I don't do it
for the 'gram.

Yeah. No pics out when
the dick's out.

Jace is all lifestyle.

You don't mind, do you?

Fly free, mon ami.

- I like you.
- Fly free!

- Mika!
- I told you, bro.

That's why butcher shops
keep their finest meat

behind glass.

It's not meat.
It's muscle.

Tell me about it.

Hey, Jace. Is this
your phone.

Did you still my
fucking phone?

Put your clothes on, man.

We could hear you from
outside.

- Really?
- You sure can scream.

I mean, it's fun.

- Are you exhausted?
- I mean, I'm all right.

There's a place we hang out
after if you want to come?

Oh, yo, Seth.

What was going on in
there tonight?

They tell you what I said?

Yeah, I heard what you said.
That's the whole thing.

You don't have a head,
you can't talk.

That's why it's funny.

I was like, "Hey--

Hey, just take it off.

I saw you screwing around
with your

head knife over there.

Sure. Back here.

Back here we can make all the

"Oh, Gimme head" jokes
you want.

In there, you stay
in character.

In character?

I'm a decapitated football
player with a pom pom head.

Who cares if I talk?

- I care if you talk.
- It's fake.

It's only fake
if you don't believe it.

Actually, you know what, Seth?

Don't bother
coming back tomorrow.

Fucking stop.

I just wiped all this
shit off.

Yo, did you see who dropped
this phone?

Not mine.

Have you heard anything
from Taylor?

- Mika--
- No, I'm not doing that.

I just found her phone here.

But she texted me to
meet her here?

No, I haven't gotten
anything from her.

But if she turns up,
we'll find her something.

I promise.

Are you going to be here
a while?

Yeah, I'll be here.

Text me if she shows up.

Yeah, sure.

Just...

Yep. Just put it
on the floor.

Sheese, Rook'. Do you ever
clean out your car?

I mean, I'm getting there.

It's like you drove
through a thrift store

with your windows open.

You are going to say
something nice to her

before the end of the night.
- We'll see.

No, I mean, it's okay.

Her shitty attitude is like
the North Star of

my haunt experience.

It's one thing
I know I can count on.

No shit. Okay.

Fuckin' haunt actors.

Fuck!

I thought everybody
was already out of here.

Tonight is the first night
I'm not exhausted from

screaming my ass off
for three hours.

I thought I'd get a
jump on the laundry.

You could do that tomorrow
when we could go to the party.

I want to bring them a
couple cases of beer anyway,

it was a good week.

You go ahead.

You're not going to come?

It's kind of starting
to feel a little...

- College'y?
- Yeah.

Well, you know, that's
one of the perks of the job,

you never got to grow up.

Do you remember
me in college?

I locked myself in my dorm,

ate nachos, and watched
Elm Street movies.

Well, that's another
perk of the job,

you can make up for lost time.

Kinda feeling like nachos.

I'll come to the wrap party,
I promise.

Okay.

You want me to come by later?

If you want to.

Okay. Well, don't
work too hard.

Just because it's
hard work...

...doesn't mean
it's not fun.

You're good.

The fu--

Fuck! Fuck!

Hey, Siri, call 911!

Oh!

Fuck!

I'm sorry.
Where are we?

Tall John's lake house.

He lets a couple of us stay
here on haunt weekends

so we don't have to go
all the way back to the city.

Tall John?
You saw him.

I think he was spiky head guy
by the end of the night.

He's been at the haunt
for forever.

So his place has always been
the after-party.

Cool.

He never hangs out
with us.

I always try, but he
never goes for it.

Aww, that's okay.

She met up with Jace?

Yeah, the haunt is
so much fun,

but honestly, the Halloween
bump it gives my Only Fans

is even better.

- Really?
- Yeah.

And it boosts the Instagram
ad' rev' to.

- Oh, you do sponsorships?
- Yeah.

Umm... Makeup.
Goth lingerie.

Prosthetic fangs.

Whoa. That's so cool.

How does it work?

Oh, it just slides
right in and right out.

'ey...

You did not.

I did. Always. Always.

I did a couple of seasons
at the theme park, but

it's just a sanitized version
of what we're doing.

And the budget's great. Great
costumes and makeup, but...

It's the board-approved
assembly-line version

all packaged and ready
to appear

on souvenir cups.

It's all so cutesy.

All of Halloween has
gotten so fucking cutesy.

You know?

I mean, at least we're we're
doing has a little bit

of edge, but 2,000 years ago,
they were setting people

on fire, dude.

You really wanna talk about
going face to face

with the darkness?

No, not really.

Yeah. No duh.

The penis has been
vilified in our society.

That's all I'm saying.

Okay.

Like it's literally seen
as a weapon.

You don't think that's
because it's been used as

a weapon for so long
by so many?

I think we can both agree

that it's disproportionate, though.

I mean, people are stabbed
with pens all the time.

But pens aren't stigmatized
as weapons.

You don't think it's
because less people

get stabbed by pens than
women get raped by penises?

Okay.

Okay.

Honestly, I just thought you
were a hot guy with a really

nice body who liked to
hang brain here and there,

but it turns out you're
making a point.

Congrats.

I'm taking it back.

- Your comment?
- I'm reclaiming the penis.

It's exposure therapy.

You just admitted that it's
publicly accepted

as a weapon.

I mean, all these other guys
are concealed carry,

yours is out in the open.

I'm trying to give you
a positive experience with it.

What's it going to do,
stir my drink for me?

It can.

How did I know you were
gonna say that?

It can!

I'm sure I can.

All right. Your loss.

So what kind of you?

Kind?

Are you an exhibitionist
or a theater kid?

Neither.

So what's your thing?

I'm either gonna chase
people around

with a fake chainsaw

or I'm gonna chase
them around

with the real one.

Oh.

He doesn't even want
anyone to have fun.

Fuck it.

I make more money at the
escape room anyway.

I was only doing this
because

it was supposed to be fun.

You work at the
escape room?

Yeah. 60 to Escape.

Where people know
that it's a game.

And we're not treating
goofball shit

like it's Shakespeare.

That room doesn't even

need a decapitated
football player.

Fuck it.

But we still get to come
to these parties, right?

- Probably, yeah.
- Right on.

'Cause this is my shit, dude.

Can I ask you something?

Why are women always
the ones who have to be

chained up and die?

Because it's classic.

It's like Herschell
Gordon Lewis.

Okay, yeah,
but I want to torture, dude.

I mean, ask
any girl in this room.

They'd love to see
a lady ghoul

scalping a half naked guy.

Sure, but it's a trope.
It's classic.

Okay, well, don't be classic.
Be original.

It's not about
being original.

We're a haunt, like...

nobody wants what's
in my brain.

They want blood,
they want guts.

They want clowns
with chainsaws

and chicks
chained to the walls.

They want what they know.

You give them what they know.
They love it.

They love it. They love us.

Yeah, but isn't it
more important

to move the conversation
a little bit forward?

It's more important
for making money.

It's about sex, isn't it?

Totally.

Y'all good?

Anyone need anything?

Tall John! Where have you
been all night?

Come hang out with us.

I'm good.

Give me a shout if you
need anything.

Come hang out.

V. V.
V, V, V. V, V, V, V, V, V, V.

And you have to hold my leg.

Like this?

Yes!

You having fun?

Anybody slip anything
in your drink?

Do you want them to?

No, I'm good.

Mika doesn't really
hate you.

She's just nervous.

I'm not trying
to replace her friend.

I think she liked her.

Liked her liked her?

They were pretty all over
each other.

Not Jace?

Probably him too.

But he's kind of too hot for
anybody to be serious about.

He's like...

the IRL version of the poster
you hang in your bedroom

when you're too young to
know better.

I think she's just looking
for someone to blame.

Try not to take it
personal in the meantime.

Yeah.

I won't.

Mmm...

So what kind are you?

What kind of what?

Are you a theater kid?

Are you an exhibitionist?

Are you a psychopath?

I just do the fun stuff.

This is my Halloween
thing.

I help people with light
displays on Christmas.

Handmake really elaborate
valentines.

Get drunk as fuck on
New Year's?

You know it.

What about you?

Oh, I also get drunk
as fuck on New Year's.

But are you a naked
or a psycho?

Oh, no, no.
I'm a theater kid.

How did you find us?

The top listing on
castingchicago.com.

Big time.

Yeah, no,

I'm still trying to hear back
from a few student shorts.

Thoughts and prayers.

Thank you.

I don't care if anything
happened between

the two of you.

I didn't write those.

It came from your phone.

Well, I lost my phone
for, like, a week.

And then Tall John
found it tonight.

- Let me see your texts.
- Okay.

Hey, yo, Danny.

Oh.

Can you get my phone
out of my pants?

Yeah.

Tell me again how you
misplaced your phone?

Yeah, see, I don't
got those.

I only send Taylor
GIFs anyways.

Have you seen this one?

Yeah.

Yeah, so you think Taylor's
into me?

I'll take that as a maybe.

So you think somebody
else sent the texts.

The same night
she disappeared.

Oooh.

And you think she disappeared?

Or the last night
she was at the haunt.

Like...
disappeared disappeared?

I don't know, that sounds
dumb, but it's weird, right?

Disappeeeeared.

Yeah.

That is pretty weird, though.

It's not that weird.

It's the haunt.

Like, some people
get sick of the makeup.

Other people are just in it
for the money.

Some people just take ghosting
a little too seriously.

The point is, it happens
literally all the time.

Josh was MIA from
autopsy tonight, too.

No, I saw Josh.

No, Carley said he was
a no-show.

Okay, well, someone sends me
a message from her phone,

then ditches it when
I call it?

Like, who would do that
and why?

Who would do it?

And for what
nefarious porpoise?

- Danny...
- Yeah.

And why does someone
even have her phone?

Maybe it was Taylor.

Than why ditch the phone?

Yeah.

You shoulda just stayed
at the haunt tonight.

I mean, maybe your
mysterious texter

hung around.

Fuck no, dude. By myself?

No, you wouldn't have
been by yourself.

You know what?

I bet Rosemary is probably
still there.

We can go back.
Danny, you want to come with?

I would like to stay at
the party, please.

No. Yeah, forget it.
It's fine.

No, come on.
You and me, we can go.

No, like, I'm sure
some of this is like

a moonlight mindfuck.

I'm sure it'll make
more sense in the daytime.

Come on.

I don't want you feeling
weird about my haunt.

I love your haunt.

It's big and scary.

It's okay.

Hey.

Hey. You guys
just finish?

We're just heading in.

Okay, I'm going to the
bookstore until

you guys are done.

You don't like escape rooms?

No, I mean, they're just
expensive.

No, Bradford
has a thing with them.

They come to the haunt
for free,

we get to drop in on rooms
that aren't reserved.

Oh, fuck yeah. Let's go.

I went by her place again.

Everything's still there.

All her clothes.

Well, I don't think
she left town.

She probably just stopped
coming to the haunt.

Okay, but why wouldn't
she tell me?

We don't have
any reservations

for Hidden Temple.

Have you tried that one?
No.

You're the
headless guy.

Headless no more.

Bradford can suck a dick.

Well, I mean, now you're
all head all the time.

Hey, sounds promising.

Take him to The Hidden
Temple, Walt.

Just give me
five minutes.

Step this way
to await your fate.

Fuckin'...

So, is this your first
time or...

No.
For what?

All right,
same as yoozh.

If something doesn't
move easily,

it's not supposed
to move.

So don't break shit.

Don't cheap out, Walt.

Set the mood.

Welcome to the temple
of mystery.

What untold wonder
lay in wait?

Now, if you'll direct your
attention to the

ancient temple's
functional television.

I've got another group.

Okay, ladies,
it's time to crack

some ancient mysteries.

Man, come on.
We got a show going.

Hey, come on.
You gotta get out of here.

Come on.

Come on. Let's go.

Come on.

We've got a dead guy.

Jack!

Paint me like one of
your French girls.

Exactly.
Hey! Hey!

You got it!
Whoa!

Very nice.

No, no! NO!

You go, I go, you go,

she goes, she goes.

So five. I'm last?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Do it again.

You go, I go, you go,
she goes, she goes.

Okay. Let's just
do it.

Five.

Whoa!
Bingo.

Oh shit.

Oh my God.

Get one of it grabbing me!

Okay.

Get this one.

We've got
another body.

This one's fresher and

doesn't have a head.

Wait, I need
your passcode.

1031.

We're always in
haunt makeup,

we know everyone's codes.

Okay, ready?

One, two, three.

No flash. No flash.

Well, I don't know
if you're gonna be able--

It'll be fine.

Three, two, one.

Door's open.
What'd you do?

I pushed on it.
It was already open.

That was an
easy puzzle to solve.

Just watch your step.

There's a lot of fake blood.

Excuse me.

This is so cool.

This guy's big.

Nice!

Rocks!

Ready?

You have defeated
the evil spirits

and saved a grateful world.

Please allow me to bestow
unto you 10 percent off

any meal in the food court.

Except for the pizza place,
they won't play ball.

- That sucks.
- Yeah, they're dicks,

you know.
- Yeah whatever.

Yeah, but, hey,
did you all have fun?

I did!

And you got money
off some food!

Yeah, it's much
more difficult than I thought.

I can't believe
you went full price.

I wanted pizza. I ain't
no coupon's bitch.

Does Bradford have any
deals at the arcade?

We could Skee-ball.

The haunt has an arcade,
so we can play for free there.

Same goes for bowling,
mini golf, and the go carts.

But then you're, like,
back at work.

I mean, we're there
all the time, so...

Yeah, we're usually there
first thing on Sundays.

But today just felt like the
perfect day to

escape from a room.

No arguments here.

We might get paid fuck all
for haunting people, but

then the stuff we would spend
our money on is free.

Or 10 percent off.

I also work at Fit Perfect
four days a week,

but you're not going to catch
me in there on a day off.

You only just go back
to haunt then?

Have you guys carved
pumpkins yet?

Tonight's the last night
of Pumpkin Fest.

What's Pumpkin Fest?

Oh, no, but
that would be a perfect post.

I have to go back to the
house first.

I want to change.
- Mika.

She good?

You guys go ahead.

We'll meet you there.

- Okay.
- Okay.

I haven't really
been up in this suburb,

but it feels like it's one
waterslide park away

from becoming a full blown
tourist trap.

They have one.

It's just closed
for the season.

The funny thing is,
is that if you drive

like five miles north
or five miles west, you're

basically surrounded by forest
preserves or cornfields.

That's so weird.

And then right in the middle,
they just have this random

theme park where nothing is
actually real.

It's all fantasy, right?

My Instagram is the
same thing for me.

It's this sexy
goth...

...theme park.

Any time anybody
wants to spend

a few minutes in that world,
they know where to find me.

Yeah, and what do you
get out of it?

Other than money?

Money is good. Yes.

It's fantasy for me
too, but I get to control it.

It's this dark, chaotic,

kinky world that I get
to completely own and shape.

The haunt is the same thing
for Bradford,

ushering other people
into admire it is

just a bonus.

Fair enough.

I'll just put these right
back where I found them.

Yeah, Yeah, you can just
put them there.

Sorry about that.
- It's okay.

You got quite a
closet in there.

Yeah.

I like to have...

...some options.

You can stay here tonight
if you want.

I'm not like...

I'm not, like, homeless.

Cool.

I mean, everyone from school
just kinda fucked off to L.A.

I knew if I move back home,
I wouldn't

give this acting thing
a real shot.

Yeah.

- So I'm going to find a place.
- Here?

Yeah.

Not L.A., huh?

I mean, why is this so much
easier for everyone but me?

I mean, I don't even know
anything about L.A.

Well, did you know
anything about Chicago?

Well, that was school,

this is real life.

I mean, do you know

how many steps are it takes
to becoming a working actor?

- A lot.
- Yeah.

There are so many.

I mean, I've been listening
to all these podcasts

saying that it will take
five to 10 years

to become an overnight
success.

Except for Topher Grace.

You better get started, then.

Well, that's easy for
you to say,

you have Insta' income
at the ready.

Hey, I'll check out L.A.
spooky season wraps tomorrow.

Let's drive out.

Check it out.

But, Celeste,
it's so fucking scary.

I mean, what if I can't be
what I always thought
I was meant to be?

No one's
meant to be anything, but

especially if you don't
give it a try.

Either way, it's gotta beat
living in your car.

Hey, I'm gonna
find a place.

You're laying on it.
If you want it.

At least until we wrap
the haunt.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

♪ IN THE REVERIE ♪
by Bailiff

Thank you.

There you go.

What's up, man? You stay
at the party all night?

Oh, God, no.

Look, have you heard
anything from Rosemary?

No. Why?

Were we supposed to
have plans?

No, she's just
not replying to my texts.

Maybe she's on a
phone break.

Naw, she wasn't home
last night either.

Last night?

Are you guys like...

Oh, shit, dude.

Are you...

Are you fryin' each
other's bacon?

Mmm mm.

Are you roasting that
ham bone-in, dude?

Danny, stop.

What, they're just
pork variations.

Implying that you're porkin'.

Okay, you're being weird.

Dude, I can't believe it.
I've been walking around here

thinking that
we're the three Musketeers

and this whole time

you two have been barbecuing
each other's baby backs.

I don't even know what
the fuck that means?

You know, just porkin'.

Dude, look.

It's haunt season,
anything goes.

Sometimes her and I,
we help each other out.

That's not what this is about.
- Help each other out.

Oh, dude, and I thought only
John Cassavetes and the devil

got to know Rosemary
like that, bro.

Come on. Don't be a dick.

Whatever. Fuck off.
Hey, can you watch the bar?

I know you're not working.

For how long?

Forever?

It'll just be a second.

Goddamn it, dude.

Rosemary, you out here?

- Dude...
- Mmm.

It's like she took off in the
middle of doing the laundry.

So do your own laundry,
Patriarchy?

This weird for her.

First, Taylor leaves, and
that's not like her;

then Josh; Mika with this
whole stupid phone thing;

and Rosie's not here.

I don't know, man.
Something's up.

Please, dude, you've gone
days without answering texts.

Nice double standard,
Patriarchy.

This feels weird.

This whole season
feels fucking weird, man.

Like, yeah, back in the day,
it was like a hobby.

So people came
and they went, did whatever.

But now, like,

I don't know, people
miss a whole week at work

before they miss a single day
at the haunt.

Suddenly everybody disappears?

Dude. It's all aesthetic, man.

It's diet darkness draped in
a Jack Skellington backpack.

Come on.

Like, Rosie said it last night,
it's starting to

feel like college.
Maybe she's ready to grow up.

Dude, that's exactly
what I'm saying.

We're down the
street from

demon fucking Disneyland
over there,

and even our thing
is starting to feel tired.

Dude, none of it's scary.

I'm telling you,
none of it's scary.

It's supposed to be scary.

No, it's supposed
to be fun.

Okay. Yeah.

Tell that to an ancient
Celt as a druid pushes

him into a burning pyre.

I don't know, man.

I just like the drama.

♪ DOWN IN THE BASEMENT ♪
by HoliznaCC0

Get those angles.

V!

I need you to be
my camera person.

- I think I'm done?
- Look.

- Classic.
- Yeah.

Listen, I'm sorry. Okay?

Cool.

Like, I was just freaked out
about Taylor.

Oh, no, you don't
have to do that.

Okay.

But, like, I was worried
something happened to her,

like, something bad,
but I guess she's okay.

Okay with Rosemary
instead of me.

- Rosemary?
- Yeah.

That's...
I don't know.

It seems like
she'd be a little less

surprised being hung up
on the wall, but...

I mean, I don't know,
like, Taylor is the type

not to want to talk about it,
when it's time to move on,

so... yeah.

Um, you know what?

Tell the coven
I had to go, yeah?

Yeah. Fore suresies.

Is everything okay?
- Yup.

I don't know where those
lips have been.

Oh, I'm pretty sure
you can guess.

Yeah, probably.

Rosemary?

It's Mika.

Rosemary?

Rosemary?

Rosemary? It's Mika.

Stop! What the fuck
are you doing?

Are you fucking crazy?

Stop!

Stop!

What the fuck is
wrong with you?

Get these the fuck
off of me!

What the fuck is
wrong with you?

Get these off of me!

Fuck!
What the fuck are you doing?

Stop!
Are you fucking crazy?

Stop!

Get the fuck away from me!

Get the fuck away from me!

Get the fuck away from me!

Rosie!

Help!

Hello?

Who's in there?

Boo!

Fucking Christ, Danny.

What the fuck are you doing
out here, man?

Messing with you, man.
Come on, let's get outta here.

What do you mean
you're messing with me?

What was with
all the screaming?

Dude, I was
fucking with you.

Yeah, that wasn't you
screaming, though.

- Dude--
- Who the fuck's out here?

Is Rosemary out here
with you, because--

Hey! Nobody's out here, man.

Let's get a drink. Come on.
Just you and me. Let's go.

Just come with me.

The fuck's going on, man?

Who's out here?

Dude, hey...

Look, um...

It's not time.

Not time for what?

Is that real?

Fuck.

One, two, three.

Oh, no Flash. No flash.

Okay, sorry.
Ready?

One, two, three.

Okay, got it.

Let me see.

♪ LA NINA BLANCA ♪
by Vienna Ditto

Dude,

I have to do more
pumpkin pin-ups.

This thing is killing.

Were you scared when
you posted your first nude?

Sure.

Then why'd you do it?

This is mine.

I'm going to do with it
what I want.

And then eventually
I wanted to do it more than

I was scared of it.
- Cool.

Oh. Then somebody immediately

sent me a dick tribute to my
message requests and, uh...

Learned to stay away
from there.

I feel like one picture of a
rando dick would have

been enough to scare me off,

but it doesn't take much.

I'm scared of everything.

No. Yeah, for sure.

Says the evil
possessed scarecrow.

Hey, but you will
never find a gentler,

kinder evil scarecrow.

I can work at a
haunted house.

I just can't go through one.

I tried last year.
You remember?

Dude, she was out
of there so fast.

The first time something
jumped out at us.

I turn around...

She gone.

Nearest exit.

I think I made it, like,

one room.

Totally abandoned me to face
the zombies on my own.

I couldn't help it.

When it came down to saving
you or saving myself,

it wasn't even a
conscious decision.

My legs decided for me.

Hey, my legs did the
same for me.

They were like:

You think you can hide
these babies from the world?

I had to debunk the supposed
allure of a thigh gap.

Ahh, preach.

Every body is beautiful.

You okay?

Happy Halloween.

Happy Halloween.

Oh, Happy Halloween.

Coffee?

Sure.

Your place is really nice.

Thanks.

You know, it always makes
me a little sad.

Hmm?

I try to keep the spirit alive
until November 1st, but

it always already feels over.

Well, how do you
think I feel?

I just met you
bunch of weirdos.

Well,

It's better to have been
scalped a couple nights

than to have never been
scalped at all.

That old chestnut.

You got another
job to go to?

- No. You?
- Job?

I got a career.

I'm a fixed income analyst.

Um... What?

When I got this place,
I figured I'd be here

all summer, but I mostly
just rent it out.

I use my vacation time
to come out and

do this every year.

So this is like
your vacation?

Does it feel like
working to you?

Touché.

Touché.

I just want to say
thank you for

letting me stay here
for a little bit.

Of course.

I just want to ask, though,

just curious, why don't
you come hang out

if you let everyone
always stay?

I hang out.

When we're all covered
in blood and screaming.

Once we wipe off the blood,

we're just into
different things.

Yeah.

How's it treating you?

Well, I've wanted to
scream my head off

in public for years,

so now I actually get people
to line up and watch it.

Like a pressure relief
valve every October.

Exactly.

To one more night
of unrelenting horror.

♪ CHOMP ♪
by Stanky Ol' McDonald

- No word from Mika still?
- No.

- She wouldn't just bail.
- Yeah.

Maybe she made up
with Taylor

and they're off
whatever'ing?

She'd still text me back.

Yeah, she would.

It's the big night!

Weird news,

but Bradford and Rosemary
can't be here tonight.

I know, I know.

I wish they could be here too,

but they have given everything
so that we could

all come together
and have a very special night.

Okay? Let's not
let them down.

I'm only making one
really big change.

And that is to
the final tableau.

Jace.
- Yeah.

I know you're usually
in the mausoleum,

but that's going to be
a whole other thing tonight.

Would you be up for jumping in
with Matilda

in the torture chamber?

I can scalp a bitch.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Excuse me?

I'm so sorry. Um...

I can, with your
blessing and consent,

gently remove a bitch's hair.

Thank you.

- That's better.
- Okay.

People, hey...

I don't want anything
to break the mood,

so make absolutely sure
leave your fucking cell phones

in your fucking lockers.

All right?

I know we usually want
to have fun, right?

But tonight,

nobody walks away unchanged.

Nobody.

Tonight,

we undo the sacrilege
of generations and embrace

the terrifying traditions
of what All Hallow's Eve

was always meant to be.

Let's get fucking bloody.

♪ UGLY ♪
by Vienna Ditto

Are you ready to die?

All right, What do
we got here?

Oh, it's all just
a one piece.

Yeah, it's, uh...

Wait, so we're doing something
different tonight, right?

Yeah. Why?

It's Halloween!

A time for pretend, right?

Yeah?

How many of you have used
a Halloween costume

as an excuse to show the world

something real that you've
kept hidden away?

Yeah? One, two... yeah?

I am.

The entire rest of my
life is the costume!

Yeah!

Tonight,

I finally get to be

what I was always meant to be.

When we walk
through that door,

I am going to kill
as many of you

as I possibly can.

Yeah! Literally kill you!

You all thought tonight
was a night of make believe.

But tonight is a night
of sacrifice.

Observe.

Who's first?

Okay. Okay.

Only those marked
with the blood of the knife

will die tonight.

Before the pageantry,
before the pyres

were reserved for animals,
there was one order

that understood
the power of human sacrifice.

They marked their offerings
in their own blood,

then struck them down
during the final harvest

of the season.

They harvested the imposters
and the hypocrites,

those who pretended to be
something they

could never hope to be.

And in doing so, proved
their own righteousness.

Whoa.

That's awesome.

Observe this sacrifice
as a warning.

If you follow me,
you also follow him

into the darkness.

No groups tonight.

Everybody all at once.

See you later.

Okay.

We're clear.

Holy shit, dude.

How'd you do that?

Dude?

Tall John?

Fuckin'...

Holy...

♪ BEAT WITH MOMENTUM ♪

Now it's my turn!

What the fuck?

I thought it was sexier.

If you were on the wall,
it wouldn't have been you.

What?

♪ HUGE SYNTH KICKS IN ♪

V, Give me your phone!

Where's your face?

Tall John's fucking dead.

Stabbed for real. He's dead.

Yeah.

- Give me your phone.
- It's in the locker room.

Shit! Does someone have a
phone I can borrow, please?

There's been an acci--
Wait, wait!

Stop, stop!
Don't go in there!

- Zade!
- I'm not fucking around, V.

Please!
Does someone have a phone?

Please? Thank you!

Wait! Stop!
Don't go in there!

Yes! We need an ambulance
and the police.

Tall John?

Tall John?

Oh my God.

♪ HUGE SYNTH RETURNS ♪

Excuse me! Excuse me!

Where's Danny?

He went through!

I'm sorry, everyone,
we need you to exit the haunt.

Please, go back to
the parking lot...

V!

Hey!

Get them out!

What happened?

It's bad!

It's bad.

Okay, yeah.

All right.
Everybody, let's go.

Please file out to
the parking lot.

Let's go! Come on!

Excuse me! Excuse me!
Everybody needs to exit!

We have to close the haunt!

You want Halloween?

This is Halloween.

Danny!

Holy shit!

Everybody, please go
to the next room!

There's an exit in
the next room!

V!
What's going on?

We have to get everybody out!
Let's go!

Go, go, go!

Stop!

Stop!

Come on! Come on!

You gotta go!
V!

V, talk to me!
What's going on?

Go, go, go!

What the fuck?

Help me!

Help me!

- Get out! Get out!
- What's going on?

Let's go! Move!

He's killing everyone, Stan!
- What?

- This isn't a fucking joke!
- V!

Oh, fuck, fuck ,fuck!

Stan!

Get out!
Get the fuck out!

- What?
- He got Stan and V!

Hey!

Danny!

Mark me.

With the blood.

What?

Make me a sacrifice.

Mark me!

Danny, stop.

Danny, stop!

V, we've gotta go.

V, we've got to go!

Don't look, it's okay.

Don't look, it's okay!

Guys! What the fuck
is going on?

Danny, he...
he killed a guy in there,

and he tried to kill V.
- What? Get me out!

Hurry! Hurry!

God! Help!

What are you doing?
Get me out!

Help! Help!
Oh fuck! Help me!

What's going on? V!

Yo.

My phone's in the
changing room!

Call the police!
Call that police!

Throw the dagger.
What?

Throw the
dagger far.

There's something
about it. Throw it far,

he'll go for it, and
we can escape.

Oh my God!

No! Danny! Please!

No! Danny!

Help! Someone!

Help!

Help me!

Someone!

You can do it.

Please! Please!

Danny! Stop!

No, no, no!

No, Danny!

Get off of me!

Please!
Somebody do something!

This is real! This is real!

Holy shit.

Are you okay?

The fuck happened
in there, you guys?

You wanna talk about it?

That's it.

I'm going to L.A.

Right now?

- Yeah.
- You're not scared anymore?

Of going to L.A.?

No.

♪ WILDERNESS ♪
by ExitProject