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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:04,640 Fancy a bite, Rupert? 2 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:06,600 Ugh, that's wrong. 3 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:12,800 Mr Campbell-Black, may I interest you in some pudding? 4 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:14,600 Yes, you can. 5 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:17,040 Oh, shit. 6 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:19,280 Uh, I was coming to find you. 7 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:21,800 Here's me thinking you were going to grandmother's house. 8 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:23,960 My grandmother lives in Ireland. 9 00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:28,120 Um, I had some leftovers from a job I did. 10 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:29,680 It's a spare jam roly-poly. 11 00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:31,520 Can I interest you in a-a bite? 12 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:33,120 A bit of it? 13 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:34,880 I'll have one. 14 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:37,880 Hi, Bas. I made it with rhubarb. 15 00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:39,480 Yeah. 16 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:44,640 Mmm. Oh, my God. 17 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:47,160 This is excellent. You're not having any? 18 00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:50,560 No, I'm fine. [sighs] Should we head back? 19 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:53,680 Okay then. 20 00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:55,480 Bye, darling. 21 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:56,800 - Bye. - Delicious. 22 00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:00,520 Well, someone's got a huge schoolgirl crush. 23 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:02,920 Don't be ridiculous. She's just being thoughtful. 24 00:01:02,920 --> 00:01:04,240 I was talking about you. 25 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:06,880 Roly-poly. 26 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:08,200 You lucky bugger. 27 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:09,600 I'm not lucky at all. 28 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:12,320 I promised Declan I wouldn't go anywhere near her. 29 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:15,160 Well, I'm glad to see you kept your promise. 30 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:14,240 And now, our TV pick of the week, 31 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:17,120 Declan O'Hara has been dominating the front pages, 32 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:20,600 pictured visiting 10 Downing Street with Minister for Sport, 33 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:21,840 Rupert Campbell-Black. 34 00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:24,440 This week, Mrs Thatcher returns the invitation, 35 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:28,360 putting herself in the hot seat for a good O'Hara grilling. 36 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:32,640 {\an8}As Declan's star rises even higher at Corinium than it did at the BBC, 37 00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:34,000 we're asking ourselves, 38 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:37,080 {\an8}"Is this the most powerful man in television?" 39 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:59,040 Mr O'Hara, Enid Spink. 40 00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:01,560 - Big fan. I'll be watching Thursday. - Mm-hmm. 41 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:04,160 Give that milk-snatcher a run for her money. 42 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:05,760 I won't let her off easily. 43 00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:07,280 You have my word. 44 00:03:07,280 --> 00:03:10,120 Dame Enid, can I take you through to studio two? 45 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:12,160 We can't keep Mr Vereker waiting. 46 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:19,480 Now, James, we have a real treat today, don't we? 47 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:22,160 Yes, Sarah. One of England's leading contemporary composers. 48 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:25,240 - And she is a Rutshire resident. - Ooh. 49 00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:29,880 So let's have a warm Cotswold Round-Up welcome for our special guest, 50 00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:31,720 Dame Edna Spink. 51 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,080 Ooh. 52 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:39,320 Ooh. 53 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:44,640 Ooh. 54 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:50,680 Ah. [chuckles] Well, now that was quite an entrance, Dame Edna. 55 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:52,000 May I call you Edna? 56 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:54,400 As long as you're not going to ask me to put on a lilac wig 57 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,520 and stuff my bra with loo roll. 58 00:03:56,520 --> 00:04:00,120 Apologies, Dame Enid. 59 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:02,800 You really are a dumb blonde, aren't you, dear? 60 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:07,320 Well, thank you very much. 61 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:12,200 - So, uh, judges' desk here. - Mm-hmm. 62 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:14,120 Smashing view of the girls in their swimwear. 63 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:17,400 - Ah, beauty contest. - You are not the only show I'm producing. 64 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:21,600 Miss Corinium is exactly what the IBA wants to see us doing. 65 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:25,480 - Good regional wholesome fun. - Mm-hmm. It was Daysee's brainchild. 66 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,120 Daysee has a brain? 67 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:29,800 Who knew? 68 00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:32,240 - Um, Declan? - Yeah. 69 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:33,400 Did you get me an autograph? 70 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,200 Mrs Thatcher? 71 00:04:37,840 --> 00:04:41,040 I'm so sorry, Daysee. I completely forgot. I'll get it when she comes in, okay? 72 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:42,400 Okay, so how was the meeting? 73 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,880 You and Rupert looked pretty cosy in those photos. 74 00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:47,200 - Was Thatcher friendly? - Define friendly. 75 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,840 Two boxers circling each other before the big fight. 76 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:02,480 Thatcher? 77 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:05,640 She's my Wembley Stadium. 78 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:10,400 Do you think I should save Northern Ireland for part two? 79 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,240 After the Sunday shopping bill? 80 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:14,360 This matters a lot to you. 81 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:19,760 I have wanted to interview her ever since she handbagged her way into number ten. 82 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:21,360 But the BBC would never let me at her, 83 00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:23,840 show everyone who she really is. 84 00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:26,520 Whatever she's doing, people want more of it. 85 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:29,440 She is selling the state off to the highest bidder. 86 00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:33,200 Now she has turned this country into a land of haves and have-nots, Cameron. 87 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:34,760 And you're one of the haves. 88 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:38,160 Yeah. Well, I mean... ...I wasn't always. 89 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:39,840 Declan, sorry to disturb. 90 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:42,000 Lord B wants you in his office right now. 91 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,360 Pardon me, Joyce. 92 00:05:43,840 --> 00:05:45,920 A friend at Westminster slipped me something. 93 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:47,200 You're not going to believe it. 94 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,080 It's a draft of a white paper. 95 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:52,920 This is embargoed, right? 96 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,040 - Declan. - Yeah, yeah. Sorry, Joyce. 97 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,640 Um, tell Tony I'll catch up with him later, all right? 98 00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:06,240 "A local authority shall not promote the teaching in any maintained school 99 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:11,520 of the acceptability of homosexuality as a pretended family relationship." 100 00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:12,680 I mean, it's inhumane. 101 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:15,400 This is going to make gay people's lives harder than they already are. 102 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:17,920 Having a tea party? 103 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:21,120 Inside track in a new government policy. Fascinating reading. 104 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,040 What do you need? 105 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:25,800 The PM's office has faxed a list of questions they want you to ask. 106 00:06:31,880 --> 00:06:37,080 "How do you manage to balance motherhood and your demanding job?" 107 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:42,280 "D-Do you miss Wilberforce the Cat now that he's retired?" 108 00:06:42,280 --> 00:06:43,240 Is this a joke? 109 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:44,920 Well, if you don't agree, she won't do the interview. 110 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:46,200 Just tell them we agree. 111 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:48,800 And then when I get her on the show, I can ask me own questions. 112 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:52,000 You don't care that screwing the government might risk the franchise? 113 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:57,880 I care that conceding to this shite risks my reputation, our reputation. 114 00:06:57,880 --> 00:06:59,240 Tony, he's right. 115 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:02,480 Once we're live, she can hardly walk off set, can she? 116 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,720 You promised me editorial freedom, Tony. 117 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:07,360 I'll ask what I want. 118 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,080 - This is my interview. - This is my company. 119 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:11,080 And I don't ask questions about fucking cats. 120 00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:30,400 Get James Vereker up here now. 121 00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:37,560 Tony, I-- 122 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:41,840 It said Edna on the cue cards. 123 00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:43,960 If anyone's head needs to roll here, it's Deirdre's. 124 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:45,000 Sit down. 125 00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:17,520 No hard feelings. 126 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:35,320 The Prime Minister? 127 00:08:35,320 --> 00:08:37,360 Declan is yesterday's news. 128 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:39,040 I feel honoured sharing that sofa with you. 129 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:40,640 Well, after my Thatcher interview, 130 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:43,320 there is a very good chance you'll be on that sofa alone. 131 00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:48,840 I won't be able to film a teatime show when I've got the prime-time slot. 132 00:08:48,840 --> 00:08:51,400 Well, do you think I'm good enough to fly solo? 133 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:54,240 Paul never even watches our show. 134 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:56,160 Does, um-- Does Lizzie? 135 00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:58,880 Oh, Lizzie? No, she's always too busy writing. 136 00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:02,280 I don't know why she bothers. It'll just get rejected like the last one. 137 00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:07,720 Well, if I were your wife, I wouldn't be able to take my eyes off you for a second. 138 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:11,640 Oh? 139 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,280 What the fuck are you playing at? 140 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:23,440 No one wants to see Vereker interview the Prime Minister. 141 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:25,880 Better than watching you interview an empty chair. 142 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,840 You'll have to get Rupert back for another love-in. 143 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:29,920 Oh, okay. 144 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:32,920 This is because I didn't eviscerate Rupert for you like you wanted? 145 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:35,800 No, it's because you won't do what you're bloody well told. 146 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:41,440 I bring 20 million viewers to your station each week. 147 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:45,400 If you don't like the way I work, then I quit. 148 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:50,040 You might own Corinium, Tony, but you don't own me. 149 00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:54,400 Hmm. As it happens, I sort of do. 150 00:09:56,520 --> 00:09:59,120 Firstly, there's that tax bill I cleared for you. 151 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:03,280 Secondly, well, I was warned you were hard to control. 152 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:05,480 Luckily, I got a little insurance policy. 153 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:15,240 Patrick's, uh, godfather, I gather, 154 00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:18,000 got rather close to Maud last year, didn't he? 155 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:21,720 Your wife certainly likes a man with a moustache. 156 00:10:25,440 --> 00:10:26,920 You have no idea. 157 00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:30,960 Maud and I don't have secrets. 158 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:32,040 All right. 159 00:10:33,640 --> 00:10:35,880 But I wonder how happy young Taggie is gonna be 160 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:39,240 when she sees her mother's naked arse across the centrefold of the Scorpion. 161 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:51,640 Be sure to cancel any plans you have for Friday night. 162 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:56,000 Your 20 million viewers will be watching you judge a beauty contest. 163 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:04,080 Bingo. 164 00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:17,600 Fuck! 165 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:19,000 Fuck! 166 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:24,840 - You're home early. - I've taken the week off. 167 00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:27,800 I can finally fix the roof. 168 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:30,280 And mow the lawn. 169 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,840 So, what about Mrs Thatcher? 170 00:11:32,840 --> 00:11:35,880 - Tony's given it to Vereker. - Why? What did you do? 171 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:37,840 I didn't do anything. 172 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:39,840 Well, I'm surprised you didn't resign on the spot then. 173 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:43,680 I would have, but as it turns out, I couldn't. 174 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,200 What does that mean? 175 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:02,920 Prime Minister. 176 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:04,480 Yes, Mr Vereker. 177 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:07,200 How is it you manage to be the perfect woman, 178 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:11,480 balancing motherhood and our country with such effortless grace? 179 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:16,640 Well, any woman who understands the problems 180 00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:17,960 of running a home 181 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:25,160 will be nearer to understanding the difficulties of running a country. 182 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:27,080 And next, the one about her relationship with Reagan? 183 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:29,600 No, I'd go for something more personal, 184 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:30,960 while you have her in a soft mood. 185 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:32,320 Oh, yeah. You might be right. 186 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:35,600 This is fun, isn't it? 187 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:39,240 Like your days on the Bristol Post when we used to practise together. 188 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:40,480 - Got another one. Ready? - Yes. 189 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:41,840 Okay. Uh... 190 00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:47,920 How do the men in your cabinet respond to your authority, Prime Minister? 191 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:52,160 Well, Mr Vereker-- Or can I call you James? 192 00:12:53,880 --> 00:13:00,160 The way I see it, being powerful is like being a lady. 193 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:03,320 If you have to tell people you are... 194 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:06,480 ...then you aren't. 195 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,040 What are you doing? 196 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:11,920 Just trying to have a bit of fun. 197 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:13,240 - Please don't. - Okay. 198 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:15,720 - You're not 26 anymore. - No. 199 00:13:16,520 --> 00:13:19,320 Um... [sighs] ...right. 200 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:24,600 The train now arriving on platform two 201 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:27,640 is the 8:36 to London Paddington. 202 00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:34,520 "Letty's nipples hardened with desire 203 00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:36,680 as Ferdy led her through the kitchen. 204 00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:40,760 And in the darkness of the scullery, he lifted her red taffeta skirt. 205 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:44,360 His fingers sought out the ladder in her tights. 206 00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:47,720 'I love a ladder,' Ferdy whispered gruffly. 207 00:13:47,720 --> 00:13:50,000 'Stairway to heaven and all that.' 208 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:53,160 Letty gasped urgently 209 00:13:53,160 --> 00:13:57,760 as he lingered on the soft fleshy openings in the nylon. 210 00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:01,240 Step by step, he climbed his way up her inner thigh 211 00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:07,280 until he could feel the biblical heat of her burning bush." 212 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:10,400 You're a genius. 213 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,880 It's going to be a smash hit. 214 00:14:14,680 --> 00:14:20,560 Darling, we both know this isn't James. 215 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,640 You simply have to be playing away. 216 00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:25,320 Oh, I've-- I've been far too busy writing, Carole. 217 00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:28,200 You know what they say. Keep the drama on the page. 218 00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:30,640 I've never heard such nonsense. 219 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:34,240 Now tell me. This man of yours, our hero, 220 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:37,640 he's simply too good not to be true. 221 00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:48,400 Freddie Jones. 222 00:14:48,920 --> 00:14:50,520 What are you doing here? 223 00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:54,040 Long, hard day at the coalface. I saw you running down the platform. 224 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:55,120 Oh, lunch ran on. 225 00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:58,960 I was plied with champagne and completely lost track of time. 226 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:01,760 Gentlemen buying you champagne, no less than you deserve. 227 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,680 Today was good. 228 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:05,400 I was actually celebrating with my agent. 229 00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:07,640 She loved the first three chapters of my book. 230 00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:12,720 Well, why don't we continue the celebration in first class? 231 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:14,440 I only have a second-class ticket. 232 00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:16,800 If the conductor comes, I'll pay the difference. 233 00:15:18,080 --> 00:15:19,280 Come on. 234 00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:32,440 I can't imagine how clever you got to be to write a book. 235 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:37,080 I don't think I could have done any of it without your incredible equipment. 236 00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:40,840 I mean, your word processor. 237 00:15:46,160 --> 00:15:48,160 Oh. Ah. 238 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:50,240 - Mmm. - No, no. Valerie would kill me. 239 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:52,400 She's got me on the Scarsdale diet. 240 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:54,040 I've only had two boiled eggs today. 241 00:15:54,040 --> 00:15:56,160 Well, then you must eat. 242 00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:57,560 Is it fruit cake? 243 00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:59,600 - I made it. - Giz it here. 244 00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:01,400 Personally, I find diets have the opposite effect. 245 00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,160 They just make me fatter. 246 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:05,480 Oh, wow. 247 00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:08,680 Tickets, please. Ladies and gents, have your tickets ready. 248 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:10,640 Looks like we're not gonna get away with it after all. 249 00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:12,280 No, you don't. Complete waste of money. 250 00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,160 Come on. We're nearly at our stop. 251 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:20,040 Lock it. 252 00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:22,720 Bit of a tight squeeze. 253 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,040 Maybe we should both be on the Scarsdale diet. 254 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:30,160 Perhaps I should have just paid. 255 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:31,320 Absolutely not. 256 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:33,240 And miss all the fun? 257 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:37,800 Next stop, Cotchester. 258 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,720 We will shortly be arriving at Cotchester station. 259 00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:48,040 Thank you for saving me £2.50. 260 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,360 Thank you for saving me from falling asleep 261 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:51,840 and waking up in Gloucester. 262 00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:54,360 The train now leaving platform one... 263 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,720 My chapters. 264 00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,720 Oh, I left them. 265 00:16:58,720 --> 00:16:59,760 Bugger. 266 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:01,320 No. 267 00:17:05,840 --> 00:17:07,280 Careful, Freddie. 268 00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:09,360 Oh. 269 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:37,920 - Keeping busy, Charles? - Good morning, Tony. 270 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:40,320 Morning, girls. 271 00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,640 Excited to meet the Iron Lady? 272 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,120 You should be. She's the only woman I've ever met 273 00:17:54,120 --> 00:17:55,720 who's a tougher bitch than you. 274 00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:57,720 I hope you're not still sulking. 275 00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:01,120 The country wants to see Thatcher locking horns with Declan, 276 00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:02,760 not that dipshit, James Vereker. 277 00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:04,320 This is self-sabotage, Tony. 278 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:06,200 Call Declan. He can be here in half an hour. 279 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:08,440 Forget Declan. I've got something to cheer you up. 280 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:15,760 Cuatros Hombres Agrícolas has been nominated for an award. 281 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:17,080 Four Men Went To Mow. 282 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,040 You're gonna need to brush up on your Spanish 283 00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:21,160 if you're gonna go to Málaga next month to collect it. 284 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:24,160 - An award? - We're big in Spain, apparently. 285 00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:27,080 What say we go together? 286 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,600 Stay in a hotel, walk the red carpet. 287 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:32,880 Just the two of us. 288 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:35,440 Hmm. 289 00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:38,880 Now am I forgiven? 290 00:18:41,360 --> 00:18:42,760 - Call Declan. - No. 291 00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:04,880 All right, everyone. True Blue Tory smiles, please. 292 00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:07,120 Where's the photographer? 293 00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:09,760 Come on. Come on. Up front. Right there. 294 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:12,520 Get the shot as soon as she steps out the car, yes? 295 00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:14,280 A nice big one for the office wall. 296 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:19,640 Is that-- She's due, right? 297 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,640 - Yeah, she's due. She's late. - That's all right. 298 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,840 There she is. Come on, you lot, we're making history here! 299 00:19:29,840 --> 00:19:31,360 Come on! Imagine it's George Michael. 300 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,800 Mrs Thatcher, welcome to Corinium. 301 00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:44,840 {\an8} And now for a very special episode of Declan, 302 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:48,680 featuring none other than our Prime Minister, Mrs Thatcher. 303 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:52,360 Ladies and gentlemen, 304 00:19:52,360 --> 00:19:57,000 please welcome to the stage tonight's guest presenter, James Vereker. 305 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,280 Stop it. You're too kind. 306 00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:02,760 I know what you're thinking. 307 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:05,440 "When did Declan become so handsome?" 308 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,360 Got some ingredients for a Bolognese. 309 00:20:10,360 --> 00:20:12,600 I thought it might tempt Daddy out of his study. 310 00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:14,240 He's watching the interview. 311 00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:18,680 Mummy, you should have stopped him. 312 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:21,600 A long time since I've had any influence. 313 00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:22,760 Don't cook for me. 314 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:24,920 Not hungry. 315 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:41,000 - Yes? - Malhar, darling. 316 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,800 Uh, did I disturb you? 317 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:46,200 Everything about you disturbs me, Mrs O'Hara. 318 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:51,840 I can't bear it any longer. I need to see you. 319 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:02,480 What's wrong with your father? They're saying he's ill. 320 00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:04,880 Where is he? 321 00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:06,080 Declan? 322 00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:08,680 Declan? 323 00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:20,520 People are saying you're ill. 324 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:25,200 - You don't look ill, just paralytic. - Fuck off, Rupert. 325 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:29,440 The PM knew you'd never show her caring side, so she dodged the fight. 326 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:30,520 She knows what she's doing. 327 00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:33,000 And now, thanks to James Vereker, 328 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,280 we all know what Denis got for his birthday. 329 00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,160 And that she swaps recipes with Nancy Reagan. 330 00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:40,160 Tony should have let me at her, Rupert. 331 00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:42,040 - Give me the bottle. Jesus. - Give me that. 332 00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:44,320 - Taggie. - Stop it. 333 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:46,600 Come on. 334 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:48,520 Come on. Up you get, big boy. 335 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:50,600 Up, up, up, up, up. 336 00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:52,720 I'm sorry, Tag. 337 00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:02,960 He'll have one hell of a hangover in the morning. 338 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:05,160 He has one every morning now. 339 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:09,160 Mummy's given up, so it's all me and-- 340 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:13,840 I don't know how men work. 341 00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:17,000 It's people. I don't understand them. 342 00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:19,040 How to help them. 343 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:22,160 Could you-- 344 00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:26,160 Yeah, I'm gonna be here first thing. I'll bring him round. Don't worry. 345 00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:32,040 Your supper's gone cold. 346 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:35,800 I can heat it up. There's more if you wanna stay. 347 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:41,440 See you in the morning. 348 00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,840 Ferdy's hands roamed over Letty's back and hips, 349 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:58,560 gripping her tightly as he drove her towards the edge of pleasure. 350 00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:02,080 Finally, with a cry of release, they both came together, 351 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:05,280 their bodies convulsing with the force of their shared orgasm. 352 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:07,000 - Freddie! - Good morning. 353 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:08,840 Well, today and every day this week, 354 00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:11,120 - we're going to be in the studio... - Fred-Fred! 355 00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:14,320 - Fred-Fred! - Shit. 356 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:19,080 What on earth is going on? The Green Goddess is waiting. 357 00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:22,560 Were you looking at pornography? 358 00:23:22,560 --> 00:23:23,920 I swear on my life I was not. 359 00:23:23,920 --> 00:23:26,360 It's you look sexy in that. 360 00:23:26,360 --> 00:23:28,880 Honestly, Frederick, time and a place. 361 00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:30,920 And now we've missed our chance to go for the burn. 362 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:02,400 Freddie. 363 00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:05,320 I wanted to bring this back. 364 00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:07,280 That was so kind of you. 365 00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:11,280 You looked like Superman... 366 00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:12,800 ...running after the train. 367 00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:20,440 I'm sorry, I, uh... 368 00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:24,760 I wondered if you might agree to come to lunch with me. 369 00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:27,000 I mean, not now. 370 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:30,640 Not in my dressing gown. 371 00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:36,680 I was thinking maybe the Black Horse in Bisley, you know, it's very, uh-- 372 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:38,280 Discreet. 373 00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:39,480 Exactly. 374 00:24:43,120 --> 00:24:45,560 I can't tell you how many times in the last few weeks 375 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:47,400 I've hoped you'd ask me a question like this. 376 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:50,280 Now you're here... 377 00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:56,120 I realise that I can't. 378 00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:58,440 I'm so sorry, Freddie. 379 00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:03,040 Uh, I'm married. 380 00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:08,920 Thank you, though, for asking... 381 00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:11,560 and for the manuscript. 382 00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:14,640 I hope you don't mind... 383 00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:17,200 I read your chapters. 384 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:18,280 Oh. 385 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:22,160 They were brilliant... 386 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:25,520 and sexy... 387 00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:29,120 like you. 388 00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:42,520 Thank you. 389 00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:49,520 Mummy, where are you? 390 00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:52,040 Mummy! 391 00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:57,040 Coming. 392 00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:04,760 Thank you. 393 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:08,960 - There she is. - Taggie. 394 00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:11,080 Oh, my God. Caitlin, have you been expelled? 395 00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:12,840 I've got an exeat. 396 00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:16,400 I'm used to Mummy and Daddy forgetting about me, not you, Tag. 397 00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:18,640 Caught her hitchhiking from Cotchester Station. 398 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:20,240 I'm so sorry. Are you okay? 399 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,680 - Your father where I left him? - Hmm. Yeah. 400 00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:24,320 I'm taking him out. 401 00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:25,400 Thank you. 402 00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:29,840 Declan, we're going to lunch, then I want your opinion on a horse. 403 00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:33,040 Is Mummy still in bed too? 404 00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:34,680 No, she left before I got up. 405 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:45,320 Just here? 406 00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:47,520 Keep the change, yeah? Thank you. 407 00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:01,440 Ah. It's not like you to be early. 408 00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:03,160 I've missed you. 409 00:27:07,360 --> 00:27:09,440 Oh, it's very tempting. 410 00:27:09,960 --> 00:27:11,880 But I actually have something else in mind. 411 00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:24,080 Henry Hampshire spotted him the other day. 412 00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:27,480 Alan doesn't realise how good his bloodline is. 413 00:27:27,480 --> 00:27:30,200 His grandsire was a marvel. 414 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:31,880 Look how long the legs are. 415 00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:33,240 Is that what you look for? 416 00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:37,680 This age, you want them still a bit gangly, awkward. 417 00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:40,680 Bit of an ugly gelding, but you can see the swan he'll grow into. 418 00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:45,680 Sometimes you can just tell by the eyes. 419 00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:52,280 A lot to be said for a pair of kind, honest eyes. 420 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:55,400 What's his name? 421 00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:57,160 Hmm, Venturer. 422 00:27:57,160 --> 00:27:58,240 Hmm. 423 00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:01,800 Yeah, sold. Alan? 424 00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:03,720 I'll take him off your hands, see what I can do with him. 425 00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:04,840 Shall we say two and a half? 426 00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,160 Sorry, Mr Campbell-Black. 427 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:09,440 I've just had an offer I can't afford to refuse. 428 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:11,640 What the fuck, Freddie? 429 00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:13,240 Sorry, Rupe, didn't know it was you. 430 00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:16,400 Hampshire tipped me off. He was going on the low side. 431 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:18,840 I don't like doing things on the cheap, so I've offered him five grand. 432 00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:20,200 Fi-- 433 00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:23,440 I've always wanted a racehorse. 434 00:28:25,120 --> 00:28:26,600 Unless you fancy a syndicate. 435 00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:35,360 Valerie was fuming. 436 00:28:35,360 --> 00:28:38,080 You-- You know, she thinks you're a very bad man. 437 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:40,760 - Oh, is she a good judge of character? - She's had practise. 438 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:43,080 She's been judging my character since we were 15. 439 00:28:43,080 --> 00:28:44,960 - Fifteen? - Yeah, she's a good girl. 440 00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:46,800 She's stuck by me through thick and thin. 441 00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:51,800 You know, I've-- I've never even had another girlfriend. 442 00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:55,680 He's speechless. Look at him. 443 00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:56,680 Look. 444 00:28:56,680 --> 00:29:00,000 Still, you two lads make an odd couple. 445 00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:01,800 How did you become so friendly? 446 00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:04,080 Well, we met just after I moved down here 447 00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:06,360 and then we got chatting after a few months, 448 00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:09,720 and it turns out we're allergic to the same thing. 449 00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:11,720 Bullshit? 450 00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:13,120 Baddingham! 451 00:29:13,120 --> 00:29:15,840 Let's not waste time on that bastard. 452 00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:20,320 Let's drink to the horse that brought us together today. 453 00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:22,640 Venturer. 454 00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:25,120 - Venturer! - Yeah. 455 00:29:26,440 --> 00:29:28,360 Girls, not long till show time. 456 00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:30,440 Yeah, well, remember, guys... 457 00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:33,640 Remember, everyone, this is a beauty contest, 458 00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:35,040 so tits out, shoulders back. 459 00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:41,880 One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. 460 00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:43,400 I got it from Littlewoods. 461 00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:45,480 Like it? 462 00:29:45,480 --> 00:29:47,800 - I didn't know you were a contestant. - Right, everyone. 463 00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:49,560 Ready for the final rehearsal? 464 00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:50,960 - First positions, please. - Cameron. 465 00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:53,720 Cameron. Reverend Penney's car hasn't arrived 466 00:29:53,720 --> 00:29:56,080 and Rutshire Cabs can't get to him for at least an hour. 467 00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:59,400 What? Penney is our most important judge. We need him here now. 468 00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:03,520 I could get him... if I had a car. 469 00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:04,600 Take mine. 470 00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:08,200 Hi. Hello. Hi, everyone. Hello. 471 00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:09,880 Hello, ladies. 472 00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:11,640 Looking forward to getting to know you all. 473 00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:14,560 - Can I show you my special talent? - Um, quite. 474 00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:18,680 I loved your interview with Mrs Thatcher. So caring. 475 00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:22,200 {\an8}Thank you so much, Miss, um, Bisley. 476 00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:28,400 Josh, then introduce the judges, 477 00:30:28,400 --> 00:30:30,680 Wesley Emerson, Wesley Emerson. 478 00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:33,200 Reverend Penney, Penney, Penney, Penney. 479 00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,680 Penney for your thoughts. Spend a Penney. 480 00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:37,080 Penney, Penney, Penney, Penney-- 481 00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:39,000 {\an8}Good Lord, Sarah. Bloody hell. 482 00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:42,160 {\an8}I'm so thrilled to be one of the final six contestants. 483 00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:45,520 Do you think there's a chance I might take home the crown tonight? 484 00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:48,840 Oh. 485 00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:50,360 Um... 486 00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:53,080 Well, Miss Cotchester... 487 00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:56,520 ...that depends on your... 488 00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:57,920 ...s-special talent, 489 00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:00,720 doesn't it? 490 00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:05,000 Yes, Sarah. Oh. 491 00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:08,880 Oh, naughty Sarah. Yes, oh. 492 00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:30,520 What can I do? I can't leave. 493 00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:32,560 - Leave him. He's not worth it. - No. Look, 494 00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:37,360 if I didn't have a-a-a truly gargantuan mortgage, I-- 495 00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:39,240 Fuck the mortgage. 496 00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:42,040 I would tell him where to stick his beauty contest. 497 00:31:42,600 --> 00:31:44,200 Jesus, what time is it? 498 00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:45,720 It's just gone 5:00. Why? 499 00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:48,800 I'm supposed to be judging Miss Corinium. 500 00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:02,280 That field. Uh, just-- just up ahead there. 501 00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:04,480 Uh, pull in there, child. 502 00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:07,400 I promised my producer I'd be as quick as possible. I-- 503 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:09,320 Just here. Just here. 504 00:32:09,320 --> 00:32:12,080 There's a beautiful view. You should see. 505 00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:16,680 Great. Let's go straight away again from the top, please, girls. 506 00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:19,880 Cue playback. At five, six, seven, eight. 507 00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:22,280 Smiling. 508 00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:26,000 Someone's on the wrong hip. 509 00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:32,360 Uh, sir, it's very lovely, but we're already late. 510 00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:33,800 Um, we should go. 511 00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:35,760 What did you say your name was, dear? 512 00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:37,280 Daysee, sir. 513 00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:38,800 Daysee. 514 00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:41,520 Great. Come down single file. 515 00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,400 Straight down the lens, girls, so really big smiles. 516 00:32:46,320 --> 00:32:51,840 Gorgeous. Beautiful. Yes. Lovely, lovely. Yes. 517 00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:57,520 Manley Hopkins thought that spring was rejoicing in life's juices. 518 00:32:58,160 --> 00:32:59,680 What do you think, Daysee? 519 00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:02,120 - Hmm? - I think that... 520 00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:03,920 No. 521 00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:12,120 Yes, ladies. 522 00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:14,320 Please, stop. 523 00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:19,920 Up. Up. Up 524 00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:38,920 And back. Hold it there. 525 00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:43,360 Whose idea was the big number? 526 00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:45,160 Daysee's. 527 00:33:45,720 --> 00:33:47,960 - It's not half bad. - Well done, Daysee. 528 00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:53,600 Now, come on, girl. We're late. 529 00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:10,200 I mean, that golden duck at the Oval. 530 00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:11,560 That'll go down in history. 531 00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:13,000 Ah, you're too kind. 532 00:34:13,000 --> 00:34:15,560 Are you trying to make me same colour as James Vereker? 533 00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:17,160 Welcome to the Cotswolds. 534 00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:20,160 Uh, Sandra, a little bit of that translucent powder is probably best. 535 00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:23,800 Cameron Cook. Controller of Programmes. 536 00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:26,280 Stole her from the Yanks. Most talented woman I've ever met. 537 00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:28,840 - I don't doubt it. - Make sure Wesley gets star treatment. 538 00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:31,160 He is one of my all-time cricketing heroes. 539 00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:32,920 This way, Your Eminence. 540 00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:35,560 Reverend. I'm so glad you made it. 541 00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:37,480 I trust my staff have taken good care of you. 542 00:34:37,480 --> 00:34:38,880 Oh, indeed, they have, Tony. 543 00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:41,240 And, uh, from what I've seen so far... 544 00:34:41,240 --> 00:34:42,640 ...the franchise is safe. 545 00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:44,840 Oh, so pleased to have your support, Fergus. 546 00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:47,160 Now I've gotta get a show on the road. Drinks on me afterwards, yes? 547 00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:48,240 Oh, good. 548 00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:53,200 What on earth happened to you? 549 00:34:58,720 --> 00:35:01,080 Okay, come on. Come on. 550 00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:05,120 Here you go. 551 00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:10,520 Who did this to you? 552 00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:12,680 You have to tell me who it was. 553 00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:16,600 Silence only protects the monster who did this. 554 00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:18,200 I promise you. 555 00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:19,920 I will make them pay. 556 00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:27,320 If you don't report him, dear, 557 00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:31,280 what about all the other innocent girls he might prey on next? 558 00:35:36,800 --> 00:35:38,960 I offered to drive to help with your bid. 559 00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:42,640 Please don't be cross with me. 560 00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:44,320 You've done nothing wrong. 561 00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:46,200 No one's gonna be angry with you. 562 00:35:57,960 --> 00:35:59,560 It was the Reverend Penney. 563 00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:15,800 You certain you didn't lead him on? 564 00:36:20,080 --> 00:36:21,720 You're such a friendly girl. 565 00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:27,640 No. I-- I-- 566 00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:31,480 I was really professional. 567 00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:51,240 You know Reverend Penney's very important to us, don't you? 568 00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:57,040 I know you're a team player. 569 00:36:59,280 --> 00:37:01,560 Valued member of the Corinium family. 570 00:37:03,720 --> 00:37:04,720 So... 571 00:37:06,720 --> 00:37:08,640 let's forget this whole thing ever happened. Don't you think? 572 00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:16,800 That's a good girl. 573 00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:18,840 You're gonna go far here. 574 00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:24,560 I'm sure Miss Madden will help... tidy yourself up. 575 00:37:24,560 --> 00:37:25,880 Good girl. 576 00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:31,040 Sorry, it's all wardrobe had. 577 00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:39,240 All this talk of equal rights, nothing really changes. 578 00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:42,280 One rule for them, one for us. 579 00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:46,920 Di-Did I spoil everything for the bid? 580 00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:49,640 Not at all. 581 00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:52,240 He'll get off scot-free. 582 00:37:52,240 --> 00:37:54,440 He won't think he's done a thing wrong. 583 00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:03,640 This terrible thing which has happened to you is your secret. 584 00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:06,440 It's also your weapon. 585 00:38:07,720 --> 00:38:09,800 Use it to get what you want from them. 586 00:38:10,720 --> 00:38:12,080 Do you hear me? 587 00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:14,560 Don't be sad. Be angry. 588 00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:17,360 It'll serve you better, dear. 589 00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:24,920 Goodness sake. Come on. 590 00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:27,200 Ooh, hello. Just a few sips. 591 00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:30,200 - You can lead a horse to water, Seb... - Declan, please. 592 00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:34,840 Hey, Daysee. Nice dress. 593 00:38:37,240 --> 00:38:40,320 Daysee? Daysee, what's wrong? 594 00:38:41,080 --> 00:38:42,400 What's happened, Joyce? 595 00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:45,200 Daysee. Daysee, wait. 596 00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:46,920 Daysee. 597 00:38:49,680 --> 00:38:53,000 From the Welsh Borders to the dreaming spires of Oxford. 598 00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:55,520 From Southampton to Stratford-upon-Avon. 599 00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:58,720 Live from Cotchester, this is Miss Corinium. 600 00:38:59,920 --> 00:39:01,960 And here are your hosts, 601 00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:04,440 James Vereker and Sarah Stratton. 602 00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:08,600 Right, here we go. Show time. 603 00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:10,400 Caitlin, it's starting! 604 00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:11,920 Good evening. Good evening. 605 00:39:11,920 --> 00:39:13,800 - Thank you. - I've got popcorn. 606 00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:16,560 What an array of jewels we have here tonight, Sarah, 607 00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:17,960 and I don't just mean the tiaras. 608 00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:21,000 The girls waiting backstage this evening are gems, are they not? 609 00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:22,120 They certainly are, James. 610 00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:24,320 - I know a diamond when I see one... - Two minutes left of intro. 611 00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:26,040 ...especially being a bit of a sparkler myself. 612 00:39:27,120 --> 00:39:29,840 - Indeed you are. - Standby, audience cutaways on three. 613 00:39:29,840 --> 00:39:31,720 Sarah, you're an absolute bobby-dazzler. 614 00:39:31,720 --> 00:39:34,360 Your husband is a very lucky man. 615 00:39:34,360 --> 00:39:36,440 Sarah's looking sensational, don't you think? 616 00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:38,120 - Mm-hmm. - All mine, of course. 617 00:39:38,120 --> 00:39:40,800 Only 'cause she's already been everyone else's. 618 00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:46,960 ...but she will also win a screen test to become our new teatime weather girl. 619 00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:48,880 Standby judges cutaways on two. 620 00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:52,080 ...before we meet our contestants, let's meet our judging panel. 621 00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:54,840 First up, it's demon bowler and local cricketing hero, 622 00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:56,400 Wesley Emerson. 623 00:40:00,600 --> 00:40:03,560 And then of course, there's Corinium's very own Declan O'Hara. 624 00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:12,560 Back in the saddle today after his brief indisposition earlier in the week. 625 00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:14,880 And here to ensure we're all behaving ourselves, 626 00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:18,520 ex-prebendary from the Church of England, Reverend Fergus Penney. 627 00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:27,200 Please give a big round of applause for our judging panel. 628 00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:36,320 Miss Chipping Sodbury is 21 years old. 629 00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:38,800 She's training to be a driving instructor. 630 00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:40,120 She looks so pretty. 631 00:40:40,120 --> 00:40:42,640 - Yeah. - ...enjoys breeding miniature poodles. 632 00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:45,080 Oh, to be a creature in Miss Chipping Sodbury's care. 633 00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:46,840 Last Friday, we danced against Rugborough, 634 00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:49,360 and one lot of boys took some fifth-formers up on the garage roof, 635 00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:53,280 and they were smoking and drinking and telling the teachers to fuck off. 636 00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:54,600 Oh, 637 00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:57,520 and the gym mistress found three condoms in the rhododendrons. 638 00:40:57,520 --> 00:40:59,360 - She's now focusing on planning... - That's nice. 639 00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:01,920 ...her upcoming wedding. 640 00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:04,440 But Rupert's nicer, hey? 641 00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:07,080 Shut up. 642 00:41:07,080 --> 00:41:08,640 - Each of our contestants tonight... - Okay three, 643 00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:11,400 - hold the two shot. Four... - ...also has a special talent. 644 00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:13,920 - ...take the close-ups. - It's going really well. 645 00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:16,920 ...spinning her way into our hearts. 646 00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:21,000 That's my sister! 647 00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:28,960 Awesome! 648 00:41:31,120 --> 00:41:32,680 Isn't she good? 649 00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:34,000 Hip-notic. 650 00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:54,000 Miss Wotton-under-Edge is a fabulous 5'7" tall 651 00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:58,280 and is a full 33, 25, 36. 652 00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:05,360 Shite. 653 00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:08,240 - Now, judges, Miss Bisley stands... - Are you drunk? 654 00:42:08,240 --> 00:42:10,120 ...at an elegant 5'4". 655 00:42:10,120 --> 00:42:12,720 Her measurements are 36, 24, 36. 656 00:42:12,720 --> 00:42:15,600 Some might describe her as perfection itself. 657 00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:29,160 Reverend Penney, are you looking for perfection tonight? 658 00:42:29,160 --> 00:42:32,080 Oh, uh, well, perfection is not my concern. 659 00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:36,000 The qualities that I'm looking for in the inaugural Miss Corinium, 660 00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:38,440 uh, consists of, uh, 661 00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:41,960 a healthy body and sound morals. 662 00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:46,680 You filthy, hypocritical, old git. 663 00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:49,560 Fucking hell. 664 00:42:50,960 --> 00:42:53,600 What the fuck is he doing? Cut the feed. 665 00:42:53,600 --> 00:42:55,000 Cut the feed. 666 00:42:56,400 --> 00:42:59,440 Jesus H. Christ. I only left the house for a minute. 667 00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:00,600 What just happened? 668 00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:02,480 Oh, my God. Mummy. 669 00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:07,400 Um, gosh. 670 00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:09,120 - Not so brave now, are you? - Oh, my... 671 00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:10,680 You'll get what's coming to you. 672 00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:16,600 Answer the phone. 673 00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:18,080 He's ruined everything. 674 00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:20,040 Answer the bloody phone. 675 00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:22,720 Just do it! 676 00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:47,880 You let that religious fraud get away with raping one of your employees 677 00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:53,680 and then you parade all those young girls in front of him like a fucking menu? 678 00:43:56,040 --> 00:44:00,880 I am out of this cesspit for good. 679 00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:04,120 Mm-hmm. You flouted my authority at every opportunity, 680 00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:06,520 but I'm not sure we can let you go just yet. 681 00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:08,120 Hmm. 682 00:44:08,640 --> 00:44:10,560 Don't touch me. 683 00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:13,520 How does it feel, Tony? Huh? 684 00:44:14,440 --> 00:44:16,720 How does it feel to be weak 685 00:44:16,720 --> 00:44:19,160 - and hopeless? - I'll have you locked up for GBH. 686 00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:22,120 I'd be freer inside than I ever will be working for you. 687 00:44:25,440 --> 00:44:27,760 Fuck you. 688 00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:29,600 I quit. 689 00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:34,080 Always so melodramatic. You missed your calling. 690 00:44:35,160 --> 00:44:36,640 Well, enjoy the morning papers. 691 00:44:37,160 --> 00:44:39,880 You should probably let Maud know she's gonna be a star again. 692 00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:02,960 Bloody hell. 693 00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:06,160 I'd hate to see what he does with a driver. 694 00:45:15,040 --> 00:45:16,200 Are you okay? 695 00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:20,960 Can I give you a lift somewhere? 696 00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:26,000 You should call the police, Daysee. 697 00:45:27,160 --> 00:45:28,880 Report that sick bastard. 698 00:45:32,560 --> 00:45:33,760 She told you. 699 00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:40,240 And that's why you hit him. 700 00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:44,880 I didn't need your help, Declan. 701 00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:51,400 I'm sorry, Daysee. I-I just... 702 00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:56,720 Daysee. 703 00:45:58,120 --> 00:46:00,200 Why couldn't you have kept your mouth shut? 704 00:46:11,120 --> 00:46:12,480 Just quit my job. 705 00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:16,240 Get in the car, lads. Let's get rat-arsed. 706 00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:23,240 As I say, Declan O'Hara will be 707 00:46:23,240 --> 00:46:25,920 strongly dealt with in the coming days, very publicly too. 708 00:46:25,920 --> 00:46:27,400 Good. 709 00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:30,680 Whilst I don't hold with vengeance, 710 00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:33,960 there's no place for violence and vulgarity on our screens. 711 00:46:33,960 --> 00:46:35,880 No, no, you have my word, Fergus. 712 00:46:35,880 --> 00:46:37,640 Thank you. 713 00:46:38,160 --> 00:46:39,960 Deirdre! Deirdre. 714 00:46:39,960 --> 00:46:43,160 Deirdre, please make sure the Reverend Penney gets home safely. 715 00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:44,360 Yes, Lord Baddingham. 716 00:46:46,040 --> 00:46:47,560 Order a minicab, Deirdre. 717 00:46:49,800 --> 00:46:51,920 - Bye, Fergus. - Bye, Tony. 718 00:46:59,800 --> 00:47:01,040 I'll get the glaziers in. 719 00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:06,560 Have this delivered to Beattie Johnson at the Scorpion from an anonymous source. 720 00:47:11,920 --> 00:47:14,880 Miss Madden! Joyce! 721 00:47:17,400 --> 00:47:19,840 - Has anyone been in my office? - Not to my knowledge. 722 00:47:21,640 --> 00:47:22,920 Fuck! 723 00:47:32,480 --> 00:47:33,480 Is he dead? 724 00:47:34,080 --> 00:47:35,840 He will be when Mummy's done with him. 725 00:47:54,360 --> 00:47:56,240 Oh, fuck. 726 00:48:00,560 --> 00:48:01,600 Hmm. 727 00:48:12,840 --> 00:48:17,760 I don't wanna be that woman who's waiting for her husband to come home. 728 00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:20,760 It's-- It's not me. 729 00:48:25,920 --> 00:48:27,560 I need to go back to work. 730 00:48:27,560 --> 00:48:30,400 Well, that's good because I resigned last night. 731 00:48:31,280 --> 00:48:33,800 It will be easier for you if we go back to London. 732 00:48:40,920 --> 00:48:42,320 I saw Malhar. 733 00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:47,600 I-- I asked him if I could audition for his new show. 734 00:48:49,400 --> 00:48:52,400 I mean, there's nothing in it for me. I'm too old. 735 00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:55,920 I'm sorry, love. 736 00:48:57,800 --> 00:48:59,080 You should've told me. 737 00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:03,120 What happened to us? 738 00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:08,680 Can we fix it? 739 00:49:21,960 --> 00:49:24,680 Who the fuck is that? 740 00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:27,800 Fuck. 741 00:49:34,600 --> 00:49:36,640 Is Tony trying to hound me into the grave? 742 00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:38,000 He doesn't know I'm here. 743 00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:41,080 - I shouldn't have told you about Daysee. - Yeah? 744 00:49:42,080 --> 00:49:44,200 I'd probably have hit the old pervert anyway. 745 00:49:52,240 --> 00:49:56,960 Sometimes Lord Baddingham needs a bit of help to steer the right course. 746 00:50:00,960 --> 00:50:02,040 Thank you. 747 00:50:07,360 --> 00:50:08,640 Gertrude! 748 00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:12,000 Gertrude! Oh, come back! 749 00:50:12,720 --> 00:50:14,120 Gertrude! 750 00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:21,360 You all right? 751 00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:25,280 - Can I walk with you? - No, you can't. 752 00:50:25,280 --> 00:50:27,080 I asked for your help, and you got him drunk 753 00:50:27,080 --> 00:50:29,120 and let him implode on live television. 754 00:50:29,120 --> 00:50:30,280 He's a grown man, Taggie. 755 00:50:30,280 --> 00:50:31,520 We are in so much debt. 756 00:50:31,520 --> 00:50:33,720 We can't afford the mortgage without Daddy working. 757 00:50:34,240 --> 00:50:36,480 - Mummy's already packing. - What are you talking about? 758 00:50:38,960 --> 00:50:42,840 This is the only place I have ever loved, and now we have to leave. 759 00:50:42,840 --> 00:50:44,520 He's Declan O'Hara. 760 00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:47,120 He'll find another job. 761 00:50:47,720 --> 00:50:49,280 Not here. 762 00:50:50,200 --> 00:50:51,320 Gertrude, come on. 763 00:50:56,640 --> 00:51:00,000 You know, I could've told you you and Declan were never gonna work out. 764 00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:02,680 Neither of you could bear not being big dog. 765 00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:06,280 - So am I big dog now? - You're the last dog standing. 766 00:51:07,800 --> 00:51:09,720 - So what do we do now? - Hmm. 767 00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:12,200 We have to put something out there. 768 00:51:13,280 --> 00:51:14,400 Not an apology. 769 00:51:14,400 --> 00:51:16,600 - Oh, God, no. - Mmm. 770 00:51:16,600 --> 00:51:18,200 He's the one who threw all the punches. 771 00:51:18,200 --> 00:51:20,400 It's not your fault he can't handle provocation. 772 00:51:24,240 --> 00:51:28,720 And of course, he's also the one with the drinking problem. 773 00:51:29,880 --> 00:51:33,960 - Mm-hmm? - Mmm. Very good. 774 00:51:37,600 --> 00:51:40,600 Declan O'Hara tendered his resignation last night 775 00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:42,400 and we regretfully accepted. 776 00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:46,240 Uh, we have every concern for the well-being of all our staff, 777 00:51:46,760 --> 00:51:49,480 but Corinium Television cannot tolerate violence, 778 00:51:49,480 --> 00:51:54,560 particularly towards a vulnerable and senior guest in our building. 779 00:51:55,640 --> 00:51:58,240 We send Declan our best wishes and support 780 00:51:58,240 --> 00:52:01,080 - as he seeks help for his alcoholism... - Ugh. Turn it off. 781 00:52:01,080 --> 00:52:02,640 ...and mental disturbance. 782 00:52:07,040 --> 00:52:08,280 Where is he? 783 00:52:21,120 --> 00:52:23,960 Don't look so grim. Frederico and I have a brilliant new plan. 784 00:52:23,960 --> 00:52:25,640 No offence, but I'll give it a miss. 785 00:52:26,440 --> 00:52:28,120 One afternoon with you lads nearly finished me off. 786 00:52:28,120 --> 00:52:29,640 Yeah. We're going back to London. 787 00:52:29,640 --> 00:52:31,080 Sorry, Maud. We can't let ya. 788 00:52:31,080 --> 00:52:33,320 It's business. Can't let a hot property go to waste. 789 00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:36,200 We're starting a production company and you're gonna run it. 790 00:52:37,560 --> 00:52:38,560 Partnership. 791 00:52:39,240 --> 00:52:41,640 We're gonna work together. It'll be fun. 792 00:52:41,640 --> 00:52:43,360 We'd trust you on the creative stuff. 793 00:52:44,240 --> 00:52:46,520 - Sorry, lads, but I can't. - Why not? 794 00:52:47,120 --> 00:52:49,400 You'd be your own master. Like you wanted. 795 00:52:51,840 --> 00:52:54,160 Because I think we should pitch for the franchise. 796 00:52:55,760 --> 00:52:57,440 But that would mean-- 797 00:52:57,440 --> 00:52:59,680 The mother of all takeovers. 798 00:53:01,040 --> 00:53:04,080 Drive Tony Baddingham out of town once and for all. 799 00:53:05,160 --> 00:53:08,280 I think we've got it in us, don't you? 60566

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