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Everybody Hates Chris #043
"Everybody Hates Math"
CLOSED CAPTIONED
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CHRIS ROCK:
When I was in school,
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00:00:04,572 --> 00:00:06,574
students usually got
recognition
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00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:09,243
for one of two things:
being really good...
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00:00:09,277 --> 00:00:14,215
This year's Valedictorian
is Stephanie Borelli.
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(cheers, applause)
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...and being really bad.
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00:00:17,585 --> 00:00:19,387
I'm sorry to have
to tell you this,
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00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:20,721
but your son is an idiot.
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I was usually somewhere
in the middle.
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00:00:25,426 --> 00:00:27,528
Until it came to algebra.
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00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:30,364
Chris, are you
paying attention?
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00:00:30,398 --> 00:00:31,665
Can't you see I'm trying
to sleep?
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00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:33,601
Yes.
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00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:36,070
It's a simple
two-step equation.
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00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:40,174
Minus nine X, plus one,
equals minus 80.
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00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:41,742
What is x?
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00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:44,545
89?
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00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:45,579
Eighty-no.
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00:00:45,613 --> 00:00:47,681
Monkey toe.
Greg?
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00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:50,184
X equals positive nine.
Correct.
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00:00:50,218 --> 00:00:52,320
Why didn't you just ask him
in the first place?
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00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:54,322
(bell rings)
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* And the long hall
and the gray walls... *
25
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Chris?
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00:00:58,792 --> 00:01:01,195
I need to talk to you.
Yes?
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00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:05,399
You realize this week
is our pizza competition.
I know.
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00:01:05,433 --> 00:01:07,535
Every year, the math
classes at Corleone
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00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,403
competed for a pizza day.
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00:01:09,437 --> 00:01:10,671
Next to the last day of school,
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it was everybody's
favorite day.
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00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:14,708
At my old school, if you got
a high score in math,
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00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:16,577
all you got was this...
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00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:18,379
An "A" in math?
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00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:20,714
I bet that "A" won't keep
me from kicking your ass.
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00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:23,784
Now, Chris, my request for
the school to provide you
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00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:27,555
with an alternate victory meal
of ribs and pigs' knuckles
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00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:29,657
was denied, but I know
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as well as you do that you
loves you some pizza, right?
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00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,496
Uh... right.
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00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:39,567
Well, I'd like
our class win, but...
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00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,569
if you don't get your average
up, that's not going to happen.
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00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:44,572
But I'm trying.
I just don't get algebra.
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00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,274
Maybe you could tutor
me after school.
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00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:48,376
I'm sorry, Chris.
I don't have time.
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Have you called
the United Negro College Fund?
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Maybe they can help.
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00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,647
History would later
prove her wrong.
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All I'm trying to say is:
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00:01:55,416 --> 00:01:58,619
if you don't get algebra,
we don't get pizza.
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00:01:58,652 --> 00:02:00,721
And I'm gonna get sliced.
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Captioning sponsored by CBS
PARAMOUNT NETWORK TELEVISION
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You've got to come
through for us, dude.
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00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:37,625
Remember last year how
we could smell the pizza
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00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,227
coming down the
hall and then...
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00:02:39,260 --> 00:02:40,428
passing us by
and leaving us
57
00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:41,962
like the last helicopter
out of Saigon?
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00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:44,398
Greg had watched First Blood
on TV the night before.
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00:02:44,432 --> 00:02:45,899
I don't want to go
through that again.
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00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:47,668
So, what? You're
going to help me?
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00:02:47,701 --> 00:02:50,404
I'd like to, but I'm already
tutoring six other dumb kids.
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00:02:50,438 --> 00:02:51,672
Plus, my aunt's
over this week.
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00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,407
She's got something
planned with the family
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00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:54,475
every night this week.
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00:02:54,508 --> 00:02:57,478
Tonight we're driving
over the Verrazano Bridge.
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00:02:57,511 --> 00:02:58,912
Maybe someone
else can help you.
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00:02:58,946 --> 00:03:00,481
Nobody here is
going to help me.
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00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:01,849
You gotta do something.
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00:03:01,882 --> 00:03:03,417
I want that pizza.
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00:03:03,451 --> 00:03:05,419
Greg, you eat
pizza every day.
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00:03:05,453 --> 00:03:07,455
Yeah, but this is free.
Hey, Major Harris...
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00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:09,923
if you mess up our
pizza day,
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00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:11,259
I'm gonna smack the crust
out of you.
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00:03:11,292 --> 00:03:15,329
Since it wasn't the first time
I'd had problems with algebra,
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00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:18,299
I figured the best thing
to do was to get help.
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00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:20,734
Hey, baby. I thought you
had to work today.
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00:03:20,768 --> 00:03:22,403
I asked Doc for the day off.
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00:03:22,436 --> 00:03:24,438
Why? What's wrong?
algebra.
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00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:27,341
We have this pizza day coming up
and we can't win
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00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:28,476
unless I bring up
my test score.
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00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:30,611
Is that how they get you to pass
your classes these days,
82
00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:32,313
is by giving you pizza?
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00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:34,615
I guess if they gave you steak,
you'd be headed to class.
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00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:36,850
And if they gave you chicken,
you'd open up the Apollo.
85
00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:38,686
So you think I could get
an algebra tutor?
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00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:41,755
An algebra tutor? In Bed-Stuy?
87
00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:45,626
Now, there are six units and 12
tenants in this building.
88
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:48,296
If "X" equals the number of
units with televisions,
89
00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:50,398
and "Y" equals the people who
are at work right now,
90
00:03:50,431 --> 00:03:52,266
how many TVs can we steal?
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00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,868
Hmm?
92
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:57,738
You know, your grandmother
was a great algebra teacher.
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00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,373
Oh, that's right.
I forgot about that.
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00:03:59,407 --> 00:04:00,908
So you think she can
work with me?
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00:04:00,941 --> 00:04:02,843
You could work with me--
I know algebra
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00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:04,412
like the back of my hand.
97
00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:06,547
Which will probably end up
upside my head.
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00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:07,848
So you're going to tutor me?
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00:04:07,881 --> 00:04:09,950
You want that pizza, don't you?
100
00:04:09,983 --> 00:04:11,051
Yeah.
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00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,553
Besides, I don't want my mother
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00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:13,554
thinking my kids are dumb.
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00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:14,688
Your kids?
What about her kid?
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00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:17,358
Because of the crack trade,
it was a lot harder
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00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:19,393
for Risky to make money
on the streets.
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00:04:19,427 --> 00:04:21,061
He couldn't make money
on electronics.
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00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:23,731
This is a brand
new VCR-- $30.
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00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:27,401
I'll sell you 30 for $1.
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00:04:27,435 --> 00:04:28,569
He couldn't make money
on clothes.
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00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,404
This is nice.
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00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:32,340
It's real leather, $50.
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00:04:32,373 --> 00:04:34,842
I'll sell this one
to you for a $1.50.
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00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:37,378
He couldn't even make
money on food.
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00:04:37,411 --> 00:04:39,580
One Bomb Pop. Two dollars.
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00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,315
Sell you a lick
for a nickel.
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00:04:41,349 --> 00:04:43,717
So Risky took his biggest
risk of all.
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He got a job.
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00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:46,520
You 10 minutes late.
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00:04:46,554 --> 00:04:48,556
Sorry, man. Look, I
appreciateyou hiring me,
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00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:50,891
but I haven't had a regular
job in ten years.
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00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:53,093
But, hey-- I'm here
and I'm ready.
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00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,363
Yeah. Ready to give my father
high blood pressure.
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00:04:55,396 --> 00:04:58,366
Look, I'd like to help you out,
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00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:00,300
but be late tomorrow,
and that's it.
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00:05:10,043 --> 00:05:12,079
Tanya loved her TV time.
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00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:14,815
And to her, TV time meant
no Drew time.
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00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:20,388
What do you think you're doing?
I'm sitting down.
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00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:22,423
You can't sit in Daddy's chair.
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00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:23,791
You're the one taking up
the whole couch.
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00:05:23,824 --> 00:05:25,359
So? Sit on the floor.
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00:05:25,393 --> 00:05:26,460
I don't want to sit
on the floor.
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00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:27,728
Well, I'm telling Daddy.
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00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,397
Telling Daddy what?
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00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:36,504
Telling Daddy that you
broke his chair.
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00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:40,040
You are going to be
in so much trouble.
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00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:41,842
You're sure you
can't do this?
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00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:44,512
I can't. My cousin from south
Jersey wants to drive me
138
00:05:44,545 --> 00:05:46,514
around Brooklyn and listen
to "Born in the USA."
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00:05:46,547 --> 00:05:48,482
What?
It's a long story.
140
00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:50,451
But, I've gotta get
some help with this.
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00:05:50,484 --> 00:05:52,420
I don't get it.
If your mom knows algebra,
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00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:54,154
why don't you want
her to tutor you?
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00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:56,590
'Cause when I'm working with
her, I never learn anything.
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00:05:56,624 --> 00:05:57,591
She's like Bobby Knight.
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00:05:57,625 --> 00:05:59,427
All she does
is scream and point.
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00:05:59,460 --> 00:06:00,828
But I stuck with it,
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00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:03,030
sure that my hard work
would pay off.
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00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:05,132
No! No! What
are you doing?
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00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:08,836
N plus five over minus
16 equals minus one.
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00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:11,004
What's the answer?
I don't know.
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00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:15,909
No, no, no!
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00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:17,110
The other side.
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00:06:17,144 --> 00:06:18,178
What difference does it make?
154
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,414
What difference does it make?
155
00:06:20,448 --> 00:06:21,949
Note to self: when dealing with
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00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:23,551
the irrefutable
scienceof numbers,
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00:06:23,584 --> 00:06:25,653
don't ask "What difference
does it make?"
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00:06:25,686 --> 00:06:28,922
If you put it on that
side, it's wrong.
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00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:30,658
That's the difference.
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00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:32,526
No!
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00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:36,497
Wrong!
162
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:37,631
That's wrong!
163
00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:38,766
Incorrect!
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00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:39,833
Uh-uh!
165
00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:42,470
No! Incorrect! Eh! Wrong!
166
00:06:43,837 --> 00:06:45,606
Since when does Y equal X?
167
00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:47,007
Are you crazy?!
168
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,577
X does not equal Y!
169
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:53,146
You carry the
two over the N.
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00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:55,516
How hard can it be?!
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00:06:55,549 --> 00:06:57,851
God, Chris, what kind
of answer is that?
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00:06:57,885 --> 00:06:59,186
The kind you come up with,
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00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:00,921
with a crazy woman
screaming at you.
174
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:03,591
You know, maybe Grandma
can help me. We could call her.
175
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:06,560
No, because she's gonna to tell
you the same thing.
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00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:08,596
If you can add and
subtract, you can do this.
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00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:11,499
My mother applied that logic
to a lot of situations.
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00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:13,767
If you can crack an egg,
you can crack a safe.
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00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:19,006
Boy, if you can
lace up a sneaker,
180
00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:20,608
then you can
stitch up a chest.
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00:07:20,641 --> 00:07:22,576
Suture!
182
00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:28,081
If you can jump rope,
you can jump from a plane.
183
00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:30,150
Go!
184
00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:32,686
Oh! Baby!
185
00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:35,022
You forgot your parachute!
186
00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:40,528
No, no! If you
multiply on one side,
187
00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:43,597
you have to multiply
on the other side.
188
00:07:43,631 --> 00:07:45,065
That moment was the closest
I ever came
189
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:46,567
to giving up
and hitting the pipe.
190
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,101
Mom, can we please take a break?
191
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:50,103
(sighing):
Okay, baby.
192
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:52,640
You know what? I think we're
getting a little closer.
193
00:07:52,673 --> 00:07:54,508
I can feel it.
194
00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:57,010
If it's utter despair,
I can I can feel it, too.
195
00:08:00,247 --> 00:08:02,650
While I was trying to find
an answer to my problem,
196
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:05,252
Drew was trying to dodge
a problem with his answer.
197
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:12,526
Somebody been sitting
in my chair?
198
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,028
Middle bear.
I don't know. Why?
199
00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:17,097
It's broken, that's why.
200
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:19,533
Broken? How?
201
00:08:19,567 --> 00:08:21,234
I don't know. I didn't break it.
202
00:08:21,268 --> 00:08:22,936
Are you sure?
203
00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:25,272
'Cause you could've
just broken just now
when you sat down.
204
00:08:26,306 --> 00:08:28,175
Tonya, you been sitting
in my chair?
205
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:31,011
If that were me, Tonya would've
been telling already.
206
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:33,246
But for Drew, she had
something better in mind.
207
00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,749
Yeah, I sat there.
What happened?
208
00:08:35,783 --> 00:08:37,184
I think you broke it.
209
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:39,720
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.
210
00:08:39,753 --> 00:08:41,254
That's all right.
211
00:08:41,288 --> 00:08:42,823
I think I can fix it.
212
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:48,128
How come you didn't tell?
213
00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:51,565
Because you're going to do
whatever I tell you to do.
214
00:08:51,599 --> 00:08:54,635
And if you don't,
then I'm gonna tell.
215
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:57,337
Now go get me
some popcorn.
216
00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:00,040
Go ahead.
217
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:03,243
I wonder if that's how
Hillary Clinton got started.
218
00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:07,347
When the going gets tough,
the tough get going.
219
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:10,951
So I got going
to grandma's house.
220
00:09:15,088 --> 00:09:16,724
Chris, what are
you doing here?
221
00:09:16,757 --> 00:09:19,359
Hi, Grandma. I need your help.
222
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:20,861
What's the problem?
223
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:24,765
Mama, plus me,
times algebra, equals you.
224
00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:31,705
Going behind my mother's back
to get help from my grandmother
225
00:09:31,739 --> 00:09:32,940
made me feel guiltier
226
00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,808
than Janet Jackson
at a half-time show.
227
00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:36,143
Don't feel bad, Chris.
228
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:38,612
I taught Rochelle
everything she knows,
229
00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:40,748
but I didn't teach her
everything I know.
230
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,616
Teaching is a skill.
231
00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:44,752
No different than
flying a plane.
232
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:46,887
Except you don't fall 35,000
feet to your death.
233
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,623
How come you didn't come to me
in the first place?
234
00:09:49,657 --> 00:09:51,391
She didn't want you to think
that she couldn't do it.
235
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:53,293
Mm-hmm.
236
00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:56,697
So, I guess you just want
to keep this between me and you.
237
00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:59,833
Could we?
238
00:09:59,867 --> 00:10:01,935
My father had
given Risky a job,
239
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:05,138
which was turning out
to be a job in itself.
240
00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:06,674
Hey, what's happening, Cooper?
241
00:10:06,707 --> 00:10:07,908
Hey, Coop,
how you doing, man?
242
00:10:07,941 --> 00:10:09,042
Hey.
243
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:11,845
Let me get a large coffee
and, uh, two butter rolls.
244
00:10:11,879 --> 00:10:13,647
I'm sorry, man.
245
00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:14,748
No coffee today.
246
00:10:14,782 --> 00:10:16,750
What? No coffee?
247
00:10:16,784 --> 00:10:19,219
Somebody broke into
the truck again last night.
248
00:10:19,252 --> 00:10:21,789
Stole the coffeemaker,
they stole the coffee,
249
00:10:21,822 --> 00:10:23,423
they stole the sugar,
they stole the creamer,
250
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,425
they stole the straws,
they stole the stirrers,
251
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:26,860
they even stole
the Sweet'N Low.
252
00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:27,928
All they left me
253
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:32,099
was three bags of
Earl Grey tea... and these cups.
254
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:35,035
I can give you the water, but
you have to heat it yourself.
255
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:37,204
What if I give you
a new coffeemaker?
256
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:38,305
Fifteen bucks.
257
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:39,439
Fifteen bucks?!
258
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,374
Last time, you only
charged me ten.
259
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:43,944
The time before that,
you charged me 20.
260
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,213
And both times, they looked like
261
00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:47,314
the same
coffeemaker.
262
00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:48,782
What are you doing?
263
00:10:48,816 --> 00:10:49,649
What?
I'm just trying
264
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:51,451
to make a little extra
money on the side.
265
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,120
Your job here
is unloading papers,
266
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,454
not selling stolen coffee pots.
267
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:57,057
It's not stolen, it's recovered.
268
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:58,425
Yeah.
269
00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,293
And if you stop
recovering them from me,
270
00:11:00,327 --> 00:11:02,129
I could stop
recovering them for you.
271
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,164
When you're with me,
272
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:06,734
you got one job:
unloading papers.
273
00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:08,068
I'm not trying
to hurt nobody, man.
274
00:11:08,101 --> 00:11:09,236
We're all in this together.
275
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:11,038
It's the business cycle.
276
00:11:11,071 --> 00:11:13,306
If he can't sell coffee,
you can't sell papers,
277
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,375
next thing you know,
we're all out of a job.
278
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:17,477
Twelve bucks!
279
00:11:17,510 --> 00:11:21,014
This time, I want the
coffeemaker, I want a pistol,
280
00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:22,716
and I want some No-Doze.
281
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:26,153
Go get the coffeemaker.
282
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:30,490
While Risky was doing
the soft sell,
283
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,860
Tonya was taking a hard line.
284
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:33,727
Hey, Drew.
285
00:11:33,761 --> 00:11:35,228
What?
286
00:11:35,262 --> 00:11:36,897
My shoe's untied.
287
00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:38,198
So what?
288
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:39,399
So tie it.
289
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:41,401
I'm not tying your shoe.
You tie it.
290
00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:42,269
Nah, that's okay.
291
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:44,104
Maybe I'll just wait
till Daddy gets home
292
00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:46,740
and I'll ask him if
he wants to tie it.
293
00:11:46,774 --> 00:11:49,076
Okay, I'll tie it.
294
00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:51,711
Put it in a bow.
295
00:11:53,981 --> 00:11:55,749
Thank you.
296
00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:58,351
It's a good thing
she can't read minds.
297
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:01,354
Just because my grandmother
was better at teaching math,
298
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:03,924
didn't mean I was any better
at learning it.
299
00:12:03,957 --> 00:12:05,826
You're doing that wrong.
300
00:12:05,859 --> 00:12:06,794
What do you mean?
301
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,762
Chris, are you paying attention?
302
00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:09,930
I thought I was.
303
00:12:09,963 --> 00:12:11,464
Pizza is not the only thing
304
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:13,834
you won't be getting
if you don't pass this class.
305
00:12:13,867 --> 00:12:16,770
What? You want to grow up
to be a toll booth operator?
306
00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:18,906
I did, but E-ZPass
took all the jobs.
307
00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:21,842
What am I gonna have to do
to get you to understand this?
308
00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:23,143
How much longer
do we have to work?
309
00:12:23,176 --> 00:12:24,444
Now, why do you ask?
310
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,146
'Cause the Mets
are about to play.
311
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:28,982
Oh, so you like baseball, huh?
312
00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:33,520
What's all this?
313
00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:36,824
Ah, well, I figured while
you sell the newspapers,
314
00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:38,826
I open up a whole
new customer base.
315
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:41,228
How about I open up your skull
with a tire iron?
316
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:43,897
I can't drive around with a
truck full of stolen goods.
317
00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:45,165
Uh-uh! I'm not a thief.
318
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:46,199
I'm a wholesaler.
319
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:48,101
Cut out
the middle man.
320
00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:49,569
How about you cut out
the bail man?
321
00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:51,038
'Cause that's what
we're gonna need.
322
00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:52,339
Have you ever known me to be
323
00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:53,841
in trouble with the law?
Come on, now.
324
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:55,909
Have you ever known me
to sell radios
325
00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:57,144
out the back of a paper truck?
326
00:12:57,177 --> 00:13:00,013
I'm sorry.
327
00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:01,815
Look, let me just
move this stuff today,
328
00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:04,251
and after that, it'll be
newspapers and only newspapers.
329
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,387
One day.
330
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:08,488
And that's it.
331
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:10,891
Thank you.
332
00:13:10,924 --> 00:13:12,960
How much for this?
333
00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:15,362
Back home, my mother
was looking at my test,
334
00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:18,098
and she didn't like the score.
335
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:20,834
"X" over "2Y",
over square root...
336
00:13:20,868 --> 00:13:24,337
I know I showed him
how to do this right.
337
00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:26,206
Meanwhile, I was
finally getting
338
00:13:26,239 --> 00:13:27,474
into the swing of things.
339
00:13:27,507 --> 00:13:29,342
Okay, Chris, in
yesterday's game,
340
00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:33,947
Darryl Strawberry batted .500
with six at bats.
341
00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:35,115
How many hits did he get?
342
00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:38,451
Okay, "A" equals
the number of at bats,
343
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,587
which is six.
344
00:13:40,620 --> 00:13:42,522
And "B" equals
the batting average.
345
00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:44,624
Which is?
.500.
346
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:48,996
And .500 equals "H",
347
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:51,231
which is the number
of hits over six.
348
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:53,934
So if you multiply both sides
of the equation by six,
349
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:58,338
you will see that
the number of hits is...
350
00:13:58,371 --> 00:13:59,506
three.
351
00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:00,507
That's right.
352
00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:01,574
(chuckles)
353
00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:02,876
You got three in a row!
354
00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:04,644
Can we do another one?
(knocking)
355
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,080
Okay, you work out another one.
356
00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:08,081
(knocking)
357
00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:10,117
Get this door...
358
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:13,386
Rochelle?
359
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,255
Mama, I need
your help.
360
00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:16,289
Chris?
361
00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:17,624
Ma?
362
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:19,526
Stay tuned for
the exciting conclusion
363
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:21,561
of As The Ghetto Turns.
364
00:14:25,332 --> 00:14:26,533
CHRIS:
When my mother found out
365
00:14:26,566 --> 00:14:28,335
I was going behind
her back for tutoring,
366
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:30,203
she was her usual
understanding self.
367
00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:31,939
Chris, how come you
just didn't say something
368
00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,506
instead of sneaking around?
369
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,575
I mean, what else are you
learning on the side?
370
00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:37,144
English? Science? History?
371
00:14:37,177 --> 00:14:38,078
Where does it stop?!
372
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:40,047
One day, she caught me
speaking Latin
373
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,481
and kicked me out of the house.
374
00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:42,682
I'm sorry, Ma.
375
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,117
I just needed to get some help.
376
00:14:44,151 --> 00:14:46,519
Oh, so I just rassled you
to the ground
377
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:47,520
and stopped you from learning?
378
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:49,990
Rochelle, all you did
was holler at the boy.
379
00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:51,524
My mother was
hollering at her boy
380
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,593
long before it was cool
to holla at your boy.
381
00:14:53,626 --> 00:14:54,661
Is that what you told her?
382
00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:57,097
He didn't have to tell
me, Rochelle, I know you.
383
00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:58,098
You are impatient.
384
00:14:58,131 --> 00:14:59,032
You couldn't teach a rock
385
00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:00,567
how to hit the ground
if you dropped it.
386
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:03,436
Now, all you got to do
is fall straight down.
387
00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:05,438
Ow!
388
00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:07,340
Didn't I tell you
to hit the ground?!
389
00:15:07,374 --> 00:15:10,077
Are you saying I don't know
how to raise my children?
390
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:11,678
See, that's another thing:
you don't listen.
391
00:15:11,711 --> 00:15:13,080
Well, if he just
did what I said,
392
00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:14,081
we wouldn't have a problem!
393
00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:15,315
I did what you said.
394
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:16,316
That's why we're here.
395
00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:17,550
Did you hear what I said?
396
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,086
Better yet,
do you hear yourself?
397
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:20,353
So, Mama, are you telling me
398
00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:22,089
I don't know what I'm doing?
Yes.
399
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:24,057
Don't ask me, ask him.
400
00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:26,059
I'll tell her,
and you tell everyone
401
00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:28,061
my last words were
"Thanks a lot, Grandma."
402
00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:30,330
So you're just gonna stand
there, look me in my face
403
00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:31,999
and tell me I didn't help you,
404
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:33,233
not one little
teeny, tiny little bit.
405
00:15:33,266 --> 00:15:34,401
Yes!
No.
406
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:35,568
No?
Yes?
407
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:37,537
Oh.
408
00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:40,573
Okay, well, I'm gonna take
my little behind home.
409
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:45,112
I had reached the end
of my rope,
410
00:15:45,145 --> 00:15:47,047
and Risky had reached
the end of the road.
411
00:15:48,581 --> 00:15:49,749
Hey, Julius.
412
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,118
Man, where's your uniform?
413
00:15:51,151 --> 00:15:52,986
Yeah, I got to talk
to you about that.
414
00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:55,222
Man, look, I told you, we're not
selling your stuff out here.
415
00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:57,090
Uh...
416
00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:58,458
I'm not going out with you.
417
00:15:58,491 --> 00:15:59,592
I'm gonna have to quit.
418
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:02,029
Quit? Man, we got work to do!
419
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:04,297
You can't just up and quit every
time you don't like something.
420
00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:05,765
It works for Terrell Owens.
421
00:16:05,798 --> 00:16:07,167
This ain't my thing.
422
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,701
I'm a businessman.
423
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:11,238
You can't compete with these
crackheads around here.
424
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:12,305
You told me that.
425
00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:13,540
Yeah, I know, I know.
426
00:16:13,573 --> 00:16:14,707
Well, what you gonna do?
427
00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:16,776
Get off the streets.
428
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:18,145
Open up a storefront.
429
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:19,212
Go legit.
430
00:16:19,246 --> 00:16:20,780
A business?
Yeah.
431
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,682
You?
Yeah!
432
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:25,085
That's kind of risky, ain't it?
433
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:27,087
Yeah.
434
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:29,789
What's in the box?
435
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:33,693
This is that new stereo
you were looking at.
436
00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:35,128
My way of
saying thanks.
437
00:16:35,162 --> 00:16:37,064
(chuckles):
I appreciate it.
438
00:16:37,097 --> 00:16:39,099
Ah, stop, man, stop.
439
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:40,200
It's $20.
440
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:41,301
What?
441
00:16:41,334 --> 00:16:43,070
It was $50.
442
00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:45,172
Back home, Tonya was continuing
443
00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:48,341
to undo the work
of Abraham Lincoln.
444
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:50,043
Drew, hand me
the remote.
445
00:16:50,077 --> 00:16:51,078
No.
446
00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:52,079
I'm sick of you.
447
00:16:52,112 --> 00:16:53,713
You get it.
448
00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:56,116
Daddy!
449
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:57,217
Go ahead, call him.
450
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:59,119
What are you gonna tell him,
that I broke his chair?
451
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:00,153
Yep.
452
00:17:00,187 --> 00:17:03,423
But you told him you did it.
453
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:06,726
So if you tell him I did it, I'm
gonna tell Mama you lied on me.
454
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:09,629
And you're gonna have to tell
her either you lied this time
455
00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:10,730
or you lied that time.
456
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,499
And either way, you lied.
457
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:15,735
So if I get a beating from him,
458
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:18,205
you're gonna get
a beating from her.
459
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:21,174
So you want to tell or you want
to get up and get that remote?
460
00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:27,614
Drew stamped Tonya's blackmail
"Return to sender."
461
00:17:27,647 --> 00:17:28,748
What is it?
462
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:31,050
Never mind.
463
00:17:37,224 --> 00:17:38,758
Oh, and, uh, while you're up,
464
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:40,193
make sure you get me
some popcorn.
465
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:43,163
One standoff down, one to go.
466
00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:45,332
Ma? Are you okay?
467
00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:46,866
I'm fine.
468
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:47,800
You're not mad?
469
00:17:47,834 --> 00:17:50,103
No. Why would you think that?
470
00:17:50,137 --> 00:17:53,373
Because those mashed potatoes
just started bleeding.
471
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,475
You know I didn't mean
to upset you.
472
00:17:55,508 --> 00:17:56,476
Who's upset?
473
00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:57,710
I'm not upset.
474
00:17:57,744 --> 00:17:59,479
You want to learn algebra
with your grandma,
475
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,181
that's fine by me.
It is?
476
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:02,182
No, it's not.
477
00:18:02,215 --> 00:18:04,184
Why would you go running
to her instead of me?
478
00:18:04,217 --> 00:18:06,119
What was wrong with the
way I was teaching you?
479
00:18:06,153 --> 00:18:07,520
Everything.
Nothing.
480
00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:08,521
Something.
481
00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:10,357
It's just that the way
482
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:12,425
you were teaching me,
I couldn't get it.
483
00:18:12,459 --> 00:18:15,362
Well, I was doing
the best I could.
484
00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:17,197
I know, and that's okay.
485
00:18:17,230 --> 00:18:19,266
Because there's a lot of
other things I learn from you.
486
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:20,367
Yeah?
487
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:21,468
Yeah, like, uh,
488
00:18:21,501 --> 00:18:23,170
don't put plaids
and stripes together.
489
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:25,638
And don't leave fake leather
on the radiator,
490
00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:27,607
'cause it'll melt.
491
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,642
And don't answer
the phone past 7:00,
492
00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:31,444
because it's probably
a bill collector.
493
00:18:31,478 --> 00:18:33,446
The advice about white girls
was priceless.
494
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,348
(chuckles)
495
00:18:35,382 --> 00:18:36,549
I'm sorry, baby.
496
00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:38,818
I just wanted to be
the one to help you.
497
00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:40,153
How's everything going?
498
00:18:40,187 --> 00:18:41,154
Better.
499
00:18:41,188 --> 00:18:42,255
Mm-mm, better's not good enough.
500
00:18:42,289 --> 00:18:43,556
We're calling your grandma.
501
00:18:43,590 --> 00:18:46,259
My mother hated to ask
my grandmother for help.
502
00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:48,928
So I knew I had a choice:
learn or die.
503
00:18:48,961 --> 00:18:52,932
Okay, "10N"
equals 40.
504
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:53,933
"N" equals four.
505
00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:55,502
Huh.
506
00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:58,605
Nine plus "9X" equals nine.
507
00:18:58,638 --> 00:19:01,474
"X" equals zero.
508
00:19:01,508 --> 00:19:02,709
Okay.
509
00:19:02,742 --> 00:19:05,812
144 equals minus 12
510
00:19:05,845 --> 00:19:08,181
times "X" plus five.
511
00:19:10,217 --> 00:19:12,885
Minus 17.
512
00:19:12,919 --> 00:19:15,722
Oh! Good job, baby.
513
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:17,257
"3N"
514
00:19:17,290 --> 00:19:20,293
minus five equals
515
00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:22,929
negative-eight
times six
516
00:19:22,962 --> 00:19:24,664
plus "5N".
517
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:27,700
"N" equals negative one.
518
00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:29,369
Oh!
519
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:31,871
Look like somebody
gonna get some pizza!
520
00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:33,973
If all studying were
rewarded with pizza,
521
00:19:34,006 --> 00:19:36,509
then Charles Barkley
would've won a Nobel Prize.
522
00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:40,347
We waited for the results
of the test.
523
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:42,349
But I knew for sure that I had
524
00:19:42,382 --> 00:19:43,583
knocked it out of the park.
525
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:46,619
Chris, you got
every single answer wrong.
526
00:19:46,653 --> 00:19:47,687
What?!
527
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:50,323
Because of you,
we don't get pizza.
528
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:52,725
(children clamoring)
529
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:53,993
Calm down, everybody!
530
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:56,263
Guys!
Nice going, mud bone.
531
00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:58,231
Wait, how could I get
every single one wrong?
532
00:19:58,265 --> 00:19:59,332
There must be some mistake.
533
00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:00,333
There was.
534
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:01,468
Unfortunately, you made it.
535
00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:03,336
You answered question
one on line two.
536
00:20:03,370 --> 00:20:06,306
Subsequently, all the answers
that followed were wrong.
537
00:20:06,339 --> 00:20:08,341
Isn't that how Bush
got elected?
538
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:10,810
If you hadn't done that,
you would've scored 100.
539
00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:12,979
But you did, so you didn't.
540
00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:14,647
This where the pizzas go?
541
00:20:14,681 --> 00:20:16,449
(groans):
Oh.
542
00:20:20,653 --> 00:20:23,623
* Everybody hates Chris.
543
00:20:23,656 --> 00:20:26,459
Captioned by
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