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00:00:01,669 --> 00:00:03,137
Everybody Hates Chris #041
"Everybody Hates Gambling"
CLOSED CAPTIONED
2
00:00:03,171 --> 00:00:05,306
CHRIS ROCK:
In my neighborhood, people
didn't make a lot of money,
3
00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:06,340
so in order to make ends meet,
people would gamble.
4
00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:08,376
And you know what?
5
00:00:08,409 --> 00:00:10,611
I bet you a dollar you can't
figure out which baby is yours.
6
00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:12,646
All right.
7
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:15,516
I can't tell.
8
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:17,485
Just about everybody
played the lottery...
9
00:00:17,518 --> 00:00:19,487
Those are tonight's
winning lotto numbers...
We won!
10
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,089
We won?!
11
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:22,490
I won.
12
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:23,591
Get your ass
out of my house!
13
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:24,858
MAN (on TV):
...New York lottery.
14
00:00:24,892 --> 00:00:28,129
Even people who told other
people not to gamble, gambled.
15
00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:30,131
Let me tell you this...
16
00:00:30,164 --> 00:00:32,500
gambling is a sin!
17
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:34,202
With a capital...
18
00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:36,670
Bingo! Bingo!
19
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:37,738
People would gamble
on anything.
20
00:00:37,771 --> 00:00:39,107
Bingo, bingo.
21
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,541
I'll bet you a dollar
you can't guess
22
00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:41,809
how many cans
of tuna I got in here.
23
00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:42,743
Twelve.
24
00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:43,777
Damn!
25
00:00:43,811 --> 00:00:45,179
I bet you can't guess
26
00:00:45,213 --> 00:00:47,115
how many apples
I got in my hand.
27
00:00:47,148 --> 00:00:48,582
Five.
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00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:50,218
Damn!
29
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:53,821
The one thing everybody bet on
was sports.
30
00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:55,256
Whoo!
What?
31
00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:57,791
I'm about to make some money,
that's what.
32
00:00:57,825 --> 00:01:00,361
I got the Bulls
over the Bucks.
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00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:03,097
I didn't gamble, but I knew
a bad bet when I saw it.
34
00:01:03,131 --> 00:01:04,198
The Bulls can't beat the Bucks.
35
00:01:04,232 --> 00:01:05,666
I mean, yeah,
they have Jordan,
36
00:01:05,699 --> 00:01:08,469
but Don Nelson can coach circles
around Kevin Loughery.
37
00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:10,271
The Bucks over the Bulls?
38
00:01:10,304 --> 00:01:11,539
You're crazy!
39
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:14,342
Wanna bet?
40
00:01:14,375 --> 00:01:17,611
Captioning sponsored by
CBS PARAMOUNT NETWORK
TELEVISION
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00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:50,778
I wasn't making a bet with Doc,
42
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,513
but it paid off, anyway...
43
00:01:52,546 --> 00:01:55,516
Well, ain't you
the little odds maker?
44
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:57,518
What are you
talking about?
45
00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:59,387
Here.
46
00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:00,688
What's this for?
47
00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:02,756
You called that game just right.
48
00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:04,492
First I was down $50,
49
00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:05,926
now I'm up by $300.
50
00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,162
All I get is this?
51
00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:09,863
Now...
52
00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,732
When I said "bet",
I didn't mean "bet" bet.
53
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:12,766
I was just saying.
54
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,435
Oh, you keep on just saying,
55
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,237
and I'll just keep
on paying.
56
00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:18,672
How'd you learn so much
about the game, anyway?
57
00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:21,675
Well, since I can't play,
I watch.
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00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:22,843
I study the stats. It's fun.
59
00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:26,180
Too bad they don't have
an all-star game for stats.
60
00:02:26,214 --> 00:02:28,649
Now, what do you think
61
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:31,352
about Jazz
against the Rockets?
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00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:33,554
Well, everybody thinks
that Houston's gonna win
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00:02:33,587 --> 00:02:34,755
because of the twin towers,
64
00:02:34,788 --> 00:02:36,824
but that's only for rebounds
and stick backs.
65
00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:38,859
The Jazz can run.
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00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:43,297
Back at home,between Drew
and Tonya, all bets were off.
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00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:46,200
Hah!
68
00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:48,536
He's up over the defensive
line, and king me!
69
00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:49,203
(chuckles)
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00:02:49,237 --> 00:02:50,804
So that don't mean nothing.
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00:02:52,673 --> 00:02:54,375
Hah!
72
00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:56,344
Bam! Bam! Bam!
73
00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:57,811
Hah! And that's it!
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00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,914
Drew crushes Tonya again
and the crowd goes wild.
75
00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:03,551
(laughing):
I win, you lose.
76
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:05,653
My brother was good
at everything except winning.
77
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,721
Why don't you shut up?
78
00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:09,223
Why don't you make me shut up?
79
00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:10,691
Bet you don't win again.
80
00:03:10,724 --> 00:03:11,992
I bet you I do.
81
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:13,527
Bet you you don't.
82
00:03:13,561 --> 00:03:16,530
All right then,
bet what?
83
00:03:18,266 --> 00:03:20,801
While Drew and Tanya were
putting their bets down,
84
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:23,371
Vanessa was giving my mother
a heads up.
85
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:24,538
Did you hear about Doc?
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00:03:24,572 --> 00:03:26,006
No. What happened?
87
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:29,243
He won $300 on the basketball
game last night.
88
00:03:29,277 --> 00:03:31,245
Gambling?
89
00:03:31,279 --> 00:03:32,713
I hate gambling.
90
00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:34,515
My mother hated gambling
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00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:36,450
because my grandfather
loved it.
92
00:03:36,484 --> 00:03:37,985
He'd gamble on anything.
93
00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:39,320
Fights...
94
00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:40,521
Come on, blue.
95
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,290
Let's go.
96
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:43,291
Come on, blue.
97
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:45,959
Doggonnit!
98
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:47,361
(grunting)
99
00:03:47,395 --> 00:03:48,862
He gambled on races...
100
00:03:48,896 --> 00:03:50,898
(cheering)
101
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:54,868
Doggonnit!
102
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:56,437
He even bet on the weather.
103
00:03:56,470 --> 00:04:00,374
I got ten dollars on sunny
and 79.
104
00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:02,743
Doggonnit!
105
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,278
Pay up...
106
00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:06,046
So you don't gamble at all?
107
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,015
No! Not at all.
108
00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:09,850
What about Julius?
109
00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:12,019
Julius won't even bet you
his own name is Julius.
110
00:04:12,052 --> 00:04:14,622
The only bet my father would
place was this...
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00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:16,724
I see your "20% off" coupon
112
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:19,827
and raise you a
"buy one get one free" coupon.
113
00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:23,297
Too rich for my blood.
114
00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:24,932
Fold.
115
00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:29,036
I'll see your coupon
and raise you a boot.
116
00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:32,306
I'm out.
117
00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:34,808
Yeah, I tell you what,
I tell you what.
118
00:04:34,842 --> 00:04:36,910
Now, you loan me ten dollars,
119
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:38,446
I'll put a little
somethin' somethin' down
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00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:40,648
on the Houston-Utah game
for both of us tonight.
121
00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:42,516
Nobody in this house is
putting a little down
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00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:43,851
on anything except
the bills.
123
00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:44,885
Told you.
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00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:47,821
After a few days
of picking winners for Doc,
125
00:04:47,855 --> 00:04:49,690
it was starting to go
to my head.
126
00:04:54,061 --> 00:04:56,930
* If I ruled the world,
was king on the throne *
127
00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:58,599
* I'd make peace
in every culture *
128
00:04:58,632 --> 00:04:59,733
* Build the homeless a home
129
00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:01,602
* I'm not runnin' for Congress
or the President *
130
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:04,538
* I'm just here to tell
the world how my story went *
131
00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:06,940
* As I arrived,
the crowd started to cheer *
132
00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:08,909
* And then someone yelled out,
"The King is here!" *
133
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:11,512
* So I headed toward stage
to make a speech *
134
00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:14,648
* About the new style of living
I was gonna teach, uh-huh *
135
00:05:14,682 --> 00:05:16,550
* If I ruled the world *
136
00:05:16,584 --> 00:05:18,686
* Huh-huh, huh-huh,
uh-huh, uh-huh *
137
00:05:18,719 --> 00:05:21,489
* I'd love all the girls *
138
00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:25,459
* I love 'em, love 'em,
baby... *
139
00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:27,361
Good morning, Chris.
140
00:05:27,395 --> 00:05:28,796
Why don't you take
a day off, sweetheart.
141
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,063
You bet.
142
00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:32,065
* If I ruled the world...
143
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:33,467
Cool hat, man.
144
00:05:34,502 --> 00:05:36,003
Oh, thanks. It's a Kangol.
145
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:37,471
Aren't those expensive?
146
00:05:37,505 --> 00:05:38,906
Yeah, well,
I made some extra money
147
00:05:38,939 --> 00:05:40,841
when I gave Doc a couple of tips
on the play-off games.
148
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:42,142
Are you crazy?
149
00:05:42,175 --> 00:05:43,977
You've gotta give that back.
150
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:45,045
It's gambling money.
151
00:05:45,078 --> 00:05:46,647
Do you know what happens
to gamblers?
152
00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:47,981
Greg, I'm not gambling.
153
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:50,418
And Bobby Brown's drug free.
154
00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:51,985
I just told him
who I thought would win.
155
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:52,853
Hello?
156
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:53,887
That's gambling.
157
00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:55,889
Greg, calm down.
158
00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:57,057
What's your problem anyway?
159
00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:58,992
My mother.
160
00:05:59,026 --> 00:06:01,028
Was your mother a gambler?
161
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,796
Yup.
162
00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:04,965
She lost a bet
and had to marry my father.
163
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:07,968
Then she won another bet
and got to leave.
164
00:06:08,001 --> 00:06:08,936
And then there's
the bet she lost
165
00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:11,004
that got Greg here
in the first place.
166
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:12,606
Back at Doc's,
167
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,141
he was more concerned
with the line on the game
168
00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:15,843
than the line
at the cash register.
169
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,945
But I think Dallas
is gonna take this one.
170
00:06:17,978 --> 00:06:19,913
You're going with Dallas
over Portland?
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00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:21,482
You should be
committed, old man.
172
00:06:21,515 --> 00:06:22,716
You know what?
You both need
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00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:23,784
to be committed.
Hey, Chris,
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00:06:23,817 --> 00:06:25,018
what you think, man?
Well, who's
175
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,687
he supposed to be,
Jimmy the Greek?
176
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,656
No, that's Chrissy the Black.
177
00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:31,425
He called me that even before
he knew I could pick games.
178
00:06:31,459 --> 00:06:33,060
So, brother man,
what you know?
179
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:35,663
Well, I know that the Portland
defense is way too weak
180
00:06:35,696 --> 00:06:37,631
in transition
to stop Aguirre and Blackman.
181
00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:38,866
Plus, the Mavericks have
something to prove
182
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,501
so they're going
to come out hard.
183
00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:41,935
So I'm gonna have to go
with Dallas.
184
00:06:41,969 --> 00:06:43,937
And-and why should
I listen to you?
185
00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:45,873
Well, don't and lose your money.
186
00:06:45,906 --> 00:06:47,808
You know I got
a side bet
187
00:06:47,841 --> 00:06:49,076
with somebody as
dumb as you are.
188
00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:50,811
No, we gonna see
who's gonna lose some money.
189
00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:52,012
Well, bet me
double that.
190
00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:53,481
Win or lose,
I bet I'm in trouble.
191
00:06:53,514 --> 00:06:55,048
Put your money where
your mouth is.
192
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:56,784
What is she doing
with us all the time...
193
00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:06,026
Well, well, well,
if it ain't Chrissy the Black.
194
00:07:06,059 --> 00:07:08,095
I thought we was supposed
to be friends, young blood.
195
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:09,530
What are you talking about?
196
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:11,732
Doc had a little side bet
on the Dallas game.
197
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:13,066
I was the side bet.
198
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,535
And I know you wouldn't listen
199
00:07:14,568 --> 00:07:17,170
'cause your name is
Risky, not Smarty.
200
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:18,472
Wait, what happened?
201
00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:19,640
I lost,
that's what happened.
202
00:07:19,673 --> 00:07:21,241
If I had known you were giving
Doc his pitch,
203
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,543
I wouldn't even bet him.
204
00:07:22,576 --> 00:07:23,911
For the first time I realized,
205
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,846
that while Doc
was winning money,
206
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,781
somebody was losing.
207
00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:29,016
What?
208
00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,183
You're in on this?
209
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:31,118
He ain't in on nothing.
210
00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:33,721
I just give him a little
taste when I win.
211
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,188
Well, if you're so
on the money, uh,
212
00:07:35,222 --> 00:07:36,590
how about tonight's game?
213
00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:37,858
Oh, that's a big game.
214
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,960
There's gonna be a lot
of money on the line.
215
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:41,995
Come on, man.
216
00:07:42,029 --> 00:07:44,064
Help me out just so
I can win my money back.
217
00:07:44,097 --> 00:07:46,500
All right,
just don't tell anybody.
218
00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:48,502
I won't tell anybody,
it's just between us.
219
00:07:48,536 --> 00:07:50,838
Translation:
"I'm telling everybody."
220
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:55,843
You ever notice
how nervous you get
221
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:58,512
when a big black car
is following you.
222
00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:08,155
You're Chris, right?
223
00:08:08,188 --> 00:08:09,590
Who are you?
224
00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:10,958
Shecky the Bookie.
225
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:13,093
My friends call me
Shecky the Bookie.
226
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,562
And what do you want?
227
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,530
Word on the street is
you're pretty good
228
00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:17,998
at picking ball games.
229
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:19,199
Nah, I'm just lucky.
230
00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:22,069
They build casinos
on your kind of luck.
231
00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:23,771
Look, your friend Doc,
232
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:25,739
he needs to get unlucky.
233
00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:28,175
And he needs to get unlucky
tonight.
234
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:31,612
And if he doesn't, I'm
gonna see you tomorrow.
235
00:08:31,645 --> 00:08:33,747
And you don't want
to see me tomorrow.
236
00:08:33,781 --> 00:08:35,215
I didn't want to see you today.
237
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:36,617
Capiche?
238
00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:38,586
I wonder if that's Italian
239
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:40,087
for "Did you just wet
your pants?"
240
00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:41,121
GREG:
Dude, this is bad.
241
00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:42,990
Tell me something
I don't know.
242
00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:45,292
The estimated weight of the
earth is six sextillion tons.
243
00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,227
Greg, that was a
rhetorical question.
244
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:48,662
Sorry.
245
00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:50,163
I told you this
was going to happen.
246
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:52,933
Chris, there's only
one way out.
247
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:53,734
And what's that?
248
00:08:53,767 --> 00:08:55,135
We can disguise you
as a Dominican.
249
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:57,571
You'll speak Spanish
and move to the Bronx.
250
00:08:57,605 --> 00:08:59,039
We'll call you
Salvador Armando
251
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:01,274
Guillermo Sanchez
Garcia Morales.
252
00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:03,310
You'll never see
your family again,
253
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:05,345
but you won't have
to pick any more games.
254
00:09:05,378 --> 00:09:08,882
Or I could just
pick the wrong team
255
00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:10,317
and everybody will think
I'm a loser again
256
00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:12,620
and then nobody will
ask me to pick anymore.
257
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:15,789
You could try that, too.
258
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:24,832
Baby, what are you doing?
259
00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:25,866
(sighs)
260
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,868
Trying to beat Drew
at checkers.
261
00:09:27,901 --> 00:09:29,703
Well, shouldn't he be playing?
262
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:31,138
No.
263
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,240
Because he bet me three dollars
that I couldn't beat him.
264
00:09:33,273 --> 00:09:35,909
So I can't play him again
till I think I can win.
265
00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:38,846
Baby, you know your mother
doesn't like gambling.
266
00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:41,114
Checkers is just supposed
to be for fun.
267
00:09:41,148 --> 00:09:43,150
It was fun.
268
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:46,286
But every time Drew wins,
he starts teasing me,
269
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:48,588
and I just want to beat him
until he cries!
270
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:51,759
So, you know,
it could be fun again.
271
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:54,061
Uh...
272
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:55,663
Oh...
273
00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:58,365
I see why Drew
is beating you.
274
00:09:58,398 --> 00:10:00,100
Why?
275
00:10:00,133 --> 00:10:02,035
You've got to think
before you move.
276
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:03,336
Strategize.
277
00:10:03,370 --> 00:10:04,972
Strategize?
278
00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:06,239
In checkers?
279
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,742
You're not playing checkers,
you're playing Drew.
280
00:10:08,776 --> 00:10:10,110
It's like...
281
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:11,979
you've played him
over a hundred times.
282
00:10:12,012 --> 00:10:13,213
You know all his
moves, right?
283
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:15,716
Yeah, he just wants
to be kinged all the time.
284
00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:17,785
So what you do
is you leave him
285
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:19,152
an easy way
to get kinged,
286
00:10:19,186 --> 00:10:21,221
but you're really leading
him into a trap
287
00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:22,923
to take all
his checkers.
288
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,992
Just ask Paul McCartney's wife.
289
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:27,227
Hmm, thanks, Dad.
290
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:31,231
Uh, Daddy.
Hmm?
291
00:10:31,264 --> 00:10:32,800
Can I borrow three dollars?
292
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:35,035
Borrow?
293
00:10:35,068 --> 00:10:37,805
Okay, "have."
294
00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:43,276
My man.
295
00:10:43,310 --> 00:10:44,745
How are you
at baseball?
296
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:45,979
I don't know.
297
00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:47,748
Well, come on, come
on, we're on a roll.
298
00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:49,382
I didn't know when that roll
would end,
299
00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:52,019
but I imagined
how it would end.
300
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:56,123
My man!
301
00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:57,224
Who are you?
302
00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:59,259
(speaking Asian language)
303
00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:01,228
Wok? What happened to Doc?
304
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:04,297
(speaking Asian language)
305
00:11:04,331 --> 00:11:05,933
Jail?
306
00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:08,201
I'm not working for you.
307
00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:09,136
Want to bet?
308
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,972
I either had to stop Doc
from gambling
309
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,741
or learn how to skin chickens.
310
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:15,876
Oh, Chris.
311
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,311
I was just about
to make that call.
312
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:19,713
Lakers, right?
313
00:11:19,747 --> 00:11:21,181
Um, you know what?
314
00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:24,184
I've been thinking, and I think
you should go with Phoenix.
315
00:11:24,217 --> 00:11:26,186
Phoenix? Over the Lakers?
316
00:11:26,219 --> 00:11:29,056
They just lost two games.
317
00:11:29,089 --> 00:11:30,323
Yeah, I know, but they're
at Phoenix.
318
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,826
You know, it's a pride thing;
they don't want to get swept.
319
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:34,161
You sure about that?
320
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:35,929
Yep.
Nope.
321
00:11:35,963 --> 00:11:37,297
My man.
322
00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:39,166
I'm his man today,
323
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:42,302
but tomorrow he's gonna beat me
like a bald-headed stepchild.
324
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:50,377
While I was trying to get
out of gambling,
325
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:52,345
my father
was looking to get in.
326
00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:54,314
(laughing)
327
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:58,886
VANESSA:
Hey, Julius!
328
00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:00,287
Hey. Vanessa.
329
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:01,822
What are you doing over here?
330
00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:03,490
Uh, listen.
331
00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:06,193
Everybody in the
neighborhood's been
winning on the games.
332
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,361
Are you sure about the
tips you've been getting?
333
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,764
Sure as fried fish is greasy.
334
00:12:10,798 --> 00:12:12,866
Who's giving the tips, anyway?
335
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:14,902
I don't know, but he's good.
336
00:12:14,935 --> 00:12:16,269
Doc hasn't lost a bet yet.
337
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,807
Can you put this
on the game for me?
338
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:20,808
Oh, okay.
339
00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:22,009
And don't tell Rochelle.
340
00:12:22,042 --> 00:12:23,844
Oh, no, wait a minute now;
I'm not comfortable with that.
341
00:12:23,877 --> 00:12:25,012
I can't lie to my friend.
342
00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:26,947
You told her
that perm looked good.
343
00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:29,249
Look, I'm not asking you to lie.
344
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:31,985
I'm just saying... keep quiet.
345
00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:34,121
She'll keep it quiet,
just like Paul Revere.
346
00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:35,522
I'll tell her when I win.
347
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:38,291
All right, now, you better
tell her, or I'll have to.
348
00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:40,393
Meanwhile,
back at my front door...
349
00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:44,998
Can I help you?
350
00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:47,300
Yeah. I'm looking
for Chrissy the Black.
351
00:12:47,334 --> 00:12:49,036
Chrissy the what?
The Black.
352
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:50,403
Chrissy the Black.
Yeah.
353
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:51,571
Who are you?
Who are you?
354
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:54,307
You don't ask me who I am;
you're knocking on my door.
355
00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:55,909
You got a point.
356
00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:57,410
I'm Paulie the Bookie.
Paulie the what?
357
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:59,079
The Bookie. Shecky the Bookie
358
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:00,881
told me I can find
Chrissy the Black here.
359
00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:02,149
Chrissy the Black?
Yeah.
360
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:03,917
You mean Chris?
Whatever.
361
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:06,987
Who am I talking to?
Rochelley the Mom.
362
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:10,123
Oh, the Mom. Oh.
I thought you were his old lady.
363
00:13:10,157 --> 00:13:12,292
Who are you calling old?
I didn't mean it like that.
364
00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:13,393
Look, what business
do you have with Chris?
365
00:13:13,426 --> 00:13:15,362
There's a lot of action
on the Phoenix game tonight,
366
00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:16,964
and your boy,
he's on a hot streak.
367
00:13:16,997 --> 00:13:18,365
Shecky's got good action
368
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:20,600
coming on the over and under,
and I was hoping maybe
369
00:13:20,633 --> 00:13:23,336
if I can a heads-up
on the spread.
370
00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:25,038
Look here, Shecky...
371
00:13:25,072 --> 00:13:26,339
It's Paulie.
Paulie.
372
00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:28,108
Yeah.
I don't know
what you're talking about,
373
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,343
but I'm done talking about it.
374
00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:34,281
Look, lady.
375
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:37,350
It would be a lot easier
if I talk to Chrissy about this.
376
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:40,087
I'm about to close this door,
and I suggest that your hand
377
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,122
not be between it
and the wall when I do.
378
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,024
And as for Chris,
379
00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:45,292
I hope you find him before I do,
380
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:48,528
because his hot streak is about
to be over. Understand, Shecky?
381
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:50,931
It's Paulie.
382
00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:52,299
Whatever.
383
00:13:52,332 --> 00:13:54,902
While I was nervous
about tonight's game,
384
00:13:54,935 --> 00:13:56,369
Tonya was nervous
about today's game.
385
00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:58,471
You got your money?
Yeah, you got yours?
386
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:01,474
Yeah.
Okay, let's play.
387
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,079
Hello, everybody,
I'm Jim Lampley.
388
00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:10,117
Today, we're in Bed-Stuy for the
World Checkers Championship,
389
00:14:10,150 --> 00:14:12,619
a showdown between Tonya
and Drew.
390
00:14:12,652 --> 00:14:15,989
In the past, Drew has routinely
schooled Tonya at checkers,
391
00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:18,391
but today,
Tonya is tremendously motivated,
392
00:14:18,425 --> 00:14:20,560
because three dollars
are on the line.
393
00:14:20,593 --> 00:14:22,996
The money's on the table.
Let's go to the action.
394
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:24,397
(round bell dings)
395
00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:26,333
Tonya is the first to move,
396
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:28,601
making the play
for Drew's front pieces.
397
00:14:28,635 --> 00:14:31,138
(crowd cheering)
398
00:14:31,171 --> 00:14:33,240
That looks like it could have
been a setup by Tonya.
399
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:37,444
Drew is gonna have to pay
for that move.
400
00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:39,479
Oh, there's a tremendous move
by Drew.
401
00:14:39,512 --> 00:14:42,115
Here comes Tonya again.
402
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:48,121
All you can say to that move is,
"King me."
403
00:14:48,155 --> 00:14:49,990
Tonya's on the defensive again.
404
00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:52,926
That could be part of her plan--
and look at that!
405
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,161
A double jump.
406
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:55,295
Drew never saw it coming.
407
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:58,631
Drew is holding on, but there's
every chance today...
408
00:14:58,665 --> 00:15:01,134
he's going to get beaten
by a girl.
409
00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:04,237
Ah. There's another
amazing move by Tonya.
410
00:15:04,271 --> 00:15:06,473
She's really got Drew
on the ropes now.
411
00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:09,642
One jump, two jumps--
what a move.
412
00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:11,211
That's unbelievable.
413
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:15,248
Can Tonya come back now?
414
00:15:15,282 --> 00:15:17,017
(laughing):
Whoa!
415
00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:18,285
The impossible has happened.
416
00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:21,088
Tonya jumps all of Drew's
remaining checkers
417
00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:22,222
all at once.
(bell dings)
418
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:23,523
Tonya has won the game.
419
00:15:23,556 --> 00:15:26,559
(audience cheering wildly)
420
00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:30,530
I won! I won!
421
00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:32,565
(singsongy):
You lost. I won. You lost.
422
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,034
Now, give me
my three dollars.
423
00:15:34,067 --> 00:15:35,402
You cheated.
Did not.
424
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,971
Did too.
No, I didn't.
What is going on in here?
425
00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:40,573
You two are screaming
like you don't have a mother.
426
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:43,543
A dispute has broken out,
and under the rules of
the championships,
427
00:15:43,576 --> 00:15:44,978
Mom is here to settle it.
428
00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:46,646
Tonya cheated.
No, I didn't.
429
00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:49,582
I beat Drew in checkers, and now
he owes me three dollars.
430
00:15:49,616 --> 00:15:52,285
And you're gambling, too?!
431
00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:54,554
You ain't gonna be happy
until somebody comes over here
432
00:15:54,587 --> 00:15:57,257
and breaks every knuckle
in this family.
433
00:15:57,290 --> 00:16:00,027
So Tonya over Drew
in a checkers match to remember
434
00:16:00,060 --> 00:16:02,395
right here at the Palace
in Bed-Stuy.
435
00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:05,365
I'm Jim Lampley. Good night.
436
00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:10,503
I don't understand this.
437
00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:13,440
Why everybody in this house
knows how much I hate gambling,
438
00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:17,244
and yet everybody
in this house is gambling.
439
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:19,679
Can somebody
explain this to me?
440
00:16:19,712 --> 00:16:22,515
Julius? Chris?
441
00:16:22,549 --> 00:16:24,551
Drew? Can you guys explain?
442
00:16:28,221 --> 00:16:29,289
Tonya.
443
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,624
What do you have to say
for yourself, sweetheart?
444
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:36,596
Drew was teasing me at checkers,
so I bet him so he would stop.
445
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:39,632
Where did you get money
to place this bet?
446
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:40,667
Daddy.
447
00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:45,138
Oh. Your daddy gave you money
to gamble.
448
00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:47,274
Isn't that sweet?
449
00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:49,309
Give it here.
450
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,645
Julius.
451
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,581
I was doing it just to
help her build confidence.
452
00:16:54,614 --> 00:16:57,584
Oh. You were building
your daughter's confidence
453
00:16:57,617 --> 00:16:59,652
by turning her brother
into a sucker.
454
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:02,389
That's good.
455
00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:05,525
That's really good.
456
00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:07,294
(laughs)
457
00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:10,430
And Chrissy the Black?
458
00:17:10,463 --> 00:17:12,499
You're just there
calling games
459
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:14,467
like you're
in Atlantic City, huh?
460
00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:17,270
Is that what you want to do
if you grow up?
461
00:17:17,304 --> 00:17:19,106
Notice she said "if."
462
00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:20,107
But I wasn't gambling.
463
00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:21,241
(mockingly):
You wasn't gambling.
464
00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:22,675
Well, I don't know
what they call it,
465
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:25,112
Mr. Spread on the Over-Under,
466
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:28,081
but you better get ready
to stop not gambling.
467
00:17:28,115 --> 00:17:30,617
"You better get ready
to stop not gambling?"
468
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:33,453
The point is:
boy, you better stop!
469
00:17:33,486 --> 00:17:35,622
Well, I already
put a stop to it.
470
00:17:35,655 --> 00:17:38,491
I lied to Doc about who was
going to win tonight's game.
471
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:40,693
Oh, so you're gambling
and you're lying?
472
00:17:40,727 --> 00:17:43,596
How long is it gonna be before
we have bodies under this house?
473
00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:46,266
Huh?!
You lied about who's
gonna win tonight's game?
474
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:48,101
And what does that matter
to you?
475
00:17:49,136 --> 00:17:50,837
I placed a bet
on that game.
476
00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:52,339
You did?
477
00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:54,207
When did you place a bet?
478
00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:55,542
A little while ago.
479
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:56,709
I gave it to Vanessa.
480
00:17:56,743 --> 00:17:57,644
(laughs)
481
00:17:57,677 --> 00:18:00,780
So you went behind my back
to my friend?!
482
00:18:00,813 --> 00:18:02,449
She said
she didn't want to do it.
483
00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:03,450
I-I told her I'd tell you.
484
00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:05,385
Really? When?
485
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,620
Now?
486
00:18:07,654 --> 00:18:09,889
How much did you bet?
487
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:11,724
Fifty.
488
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:12,592
Fifty dollars?
489
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:18,298
What happened to putting nothing
down but on bills? Huh?
490
00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:20,233
Can't double your money
on the light bill.
491
00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:24,471
You're going to fix this.
492
00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:26,739
Oh, and you're going
to fix this now.
493
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:27,740
How's he going to fix it?
494
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:29,642
You can't change a bet
once you've placed it.
495
00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:30,743
I don't care.
496
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:32,312
You're going to call Doc,
497
00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:33,780
and you're going
to tell him the truth.
498
00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:35,748
And you know what?
I'm going to change your name
499
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:39,419
from Chrissy the Black
to Chrissy the Black and Blue.
500
00:18:39,452 --> 00:18:41,421
(Cybotron's "Clear" playing)
501
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:44,357
It's amazing how fast
bad news travels.
502
00:18:44,391 --> 00:18:48,161
Hey, Doc, it's Chris.
503
00:18:48,195 --> 00:18:50,497
What?!
504
00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:51,831
Danny, Lakers over Phoenix.
505
00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:52,765
Pull your bet.
506
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:55,902
Julio, Lakers over
Phoenix-- pull your bet.
507
00:18:55,935 --> 00:18:58,938
Harry, no bet.
Don't bet the Lakers.
508
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:00,340
Perez, pull your bet.
509
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:01,641
Bobby...
Hey, man, pull your bet.
510
00:19:01,674 --> 00:19:03,710
Did you do it?
Tell him to pull his bet.
511
00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:04,744
Pull your bet, man.
512
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:07,447
Reverend, yes. Pull your bet.
513
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:09,216
Yeah. God bless you, too.
514
00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:12,519
After all was said and done,
I had won some money,
515
00:19:12,552 --> 00:19:16,256
lost some money, but there was
one thing I hadn't bet on...
516
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:17,424
Oh, man!
517
00:19:17,457 --> 00:19:19,626
Phoenix wins!
Yeah, I won!
518
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:20,693
My man!
519
00:19:20,727 --> 00:19:21,594
ROCHELLE:
We won!
520
00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:25,198
Yeah! I told you,
I put money on Phoenix.
521
00:19:26,433 --> 00:19:27,700
ROCHELLE:
Yes, we won!
522
00:19:27,734 --> 00:19:29,669
Baby, thank you
so much, Chris.
523
00:19:29,702 --> 00:19:32,405
(knock at door)
524
00:19:32,439 --> 00:19:33,773
(laughing)
525
00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:35,608
This is great.
526
00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:38,911
Oh, she got the money,
got the money.
527
00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:40,780
Here's your money, Julius.
Yes, yes, yes!
528
00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:43,350
Ooh, thank you. Ooh.
529
00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:44,351
ROCHELLE:
This is great.
530
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:45,552
Wait a minute.
531
00:19:45,585 --> 00:19:47,387
There's only $50.
532
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:49,589
I know. I know.
I didn't make the bet.
533
00:19:49,622 --> 00:19:50,857
Just when I was about
to put your money down,
534
00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:53,860
Chrissy the Black said don't do
it-- Phoenix is going to lose.
535
00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:56,563
If it wasn't for him, we all
would have made some money.
536
00:19:59,399 --> 00:20:01,701
How was I supposed to know?
537
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:05,772
You're Chrissy
the Black?
538
00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:08,007
ROCHELLE:
Yep, that's him.
539
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,643
You see? You got people
thinking they're gonna win,
540
00:20:10,677 --> 00:20:11,778
when you know
they're gonna lose.
541
00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:14,347
If you'd let them lose,
they probably could have won.
542
00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:15,815
That's why I hate gambling!
543
00:20:15,848 --> 00:20:17,784
'Cause you can't win for losing!
544
00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,319
Here's the part where I lose.
545
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:21,788
Now get your butt upstairs!
546
00:20:21,821 --> 00:20:23,690
* Everybody hates Chris.
547
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:26,893
Captioned by
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