Original subtitles

BUSINESSMEN VS ALIENS

EPISODE 7

Man.

You're pretty upset, huh?

Well, there was a problem at school.

It's tough to be a school teacher.

I definitely don't want to be a teacher.

Why do I have to take care of somebody's child?

Let me tell you, educating humans is a very important matter.

Who you meet as your teacher when you are a child

could change your life.

Oh, I know. You became a teacher because you watched Kinpachi, didn't you?

It wasn't that simple.

I'm sure some teachers were influenced by the show but not me.

I got it. If I look at you, it could be GTO?

No, no, no.

-School wars? -Very close. The correct answer is...

What is it?

Miss Machiko.

It's a boring cartoon.

When I was a boy,

if I became a teacher, I thought there would be many dirty-minded teachers

in the teacher's room, like her.

-Were there? -No, there weren't.

I haven't met any teachers to fulfill my desires.

Oh, that's why...

No, of course that's not it.

You are a dirty old man, aren't you.

Yes, I'm a dirty old man.

Don't look at students that way.

I'm quite okay. I'm more into older women.

You seem irritated as well.

I can't sell tickets.

For what?

I have to sell 200 tickets to perform on the stage.

That's a lot to sell. How many have you sold so far?

Two.

-Wonderful. -Mom and dad.

-Hopeless. -Hopeful.

It's nice that you can stay so positive.

-Thanks. -Thanks.

Kaorin.

What's up?

You look so troubled, looking at your phone. Is something wrong?

Nothing. I'm all right.

But a hard-working student suddenly commits suicide sometimes.

When I see signs, I try to talk to the student immediately.

I am quite okay.

I see, well, you sell matches and shine shoes

to look after your siblings. You must be okay.

Yes.

A SPACESHIP FOUND.

We discovered a very inefficient spaceship above the moon.

Occupants look quite powerless.

Make them leave immediately.

If they look weak from far away, then they must be really weak.

One of us would probably be enough.

What?

What?

Both of you have something on your minds, right?

Well, I guess...

Then let's decide with rock, paper, scissors.

-Okay. -No.

I'm scared.

You'll be fine, Kaorin.

It's time for you to be independent.

You have to prove yourself today.

-Are you ready? -Rock, paper...

What is this?

Aliens that get too close to Earth

are pulled in here and forcefully sent back to their own planets.

Well,

I came here to invade the Earth.

You are not allowed to do that. Could you please leave?

What is that? Can it tell you my power level?

No, it's a video game.

What?

A video game.

Why now?

I'm pretending to be a good girl with everyone else.

This is my only chance.

I was in withdrawal earlier because I wanted to do this.

I volunteered to be here so that I could play.

What?

Well...

I'm planning to invade Earth and kill all the humans.

Heh. Please stop...

You're not even feeling anything. It's like you're not even afraid.

Wait a sec. This is the important part.

What?

Don't make fun of me!

I am the chosen warrior from the planet Zorger.

There are many more warriors in the spaceship.

If we show our real power, we can destroy all of you at once.

Stop playing the game, or I will kill you.

Just a second. I'll listen to you in a moment.

Aww, man! Damn it!

Did I do something?

Sorry. I'm talking about this.

What kind of video game are you playing?

You're killing a whole bunch of people.

This is Call of Duty, and it's a very popular war game.

You kill a whole bunch of people. I kill about a hundred people a day.

Lately I have withdrawal symptoms if I don't kill anyone.

Do you like this kind of game?

We don't play such games, we actually kill people.

I don't care.

Huh?

How is it?

Saying that you don't care...

Really? Um...

Are you actually considering killing real people?

No, I'm not.

That's what I thought. It's a crime, you know, right?

But I am told I can at least kill aliens.

What?

Don't think you can kill us so easily.

It's not the kind of thing to make one cry.

It's supposed to be scary.

I'm so scared.

Don't say it like that.

You probably react better at a haunted mansion in Disneyland.

But that is scary.

I can't believe this.

No, I can't!

I can't let Kaorin do this by herself.

Teacher, I'm scared.

He said he was going to kill me.

Get back.

I, iron fist teacher Ushiyama, will be your opponent!

I didn't say that. I didn't say I would kill her.

Yes, you did. Yes, you did.

You said that?

Yes, I did.

I said it because she didn't listen to me. She was playing a video game.

Kaorin, were you playing a video game?

No. I never played a video game before.

Kaorin doesn't play any games!

You wretch, trying to scare her because she's a cute girl.

Well, it's okay.

After all,

I am here to terminate humans.

And our job is to ask you to give up and leave.

I heard about that. But we can't just accept it and leave.

Tell us your story.

I finally get to talk.

So, my planet Zorger

has several tribes.

There was a war going on then...

You're answering it?

I'm in a meeting right now.

Hang up already.

Just five minutes.

That's too long.

I see. Is he getting a complaint from a parent? Not a complaint.

Yes.

Yes.

Oh, yes.

Yes...

So aggravating.

I will take care of this quickly. Yes. Yes. Okay.

I will continue the story.

On the planet Zorger, there was a war.

My tribe lost the war.

And, because of that, we could no longer stay there.

We were looking for a good planet to live on.

Then we found a planet like ours. That was the Earth.

You're not listening to me at all.

What should I do?

What should you do? Release us so we can go to Earth.

Wait, wait, wait. It's not that.

What do you mean? Not that?

What is more important when you are facing an invasion?

My problem is not something you can solve.

Unless you solve it, we can't go to Earth.

Do you know Kitamachi Junior High where I work?

What? I don't know it.

I am the homeroom teacher of one of the seventh grade classes.

They decided to keep an animal

in each class.

There was a huge argument about what animal to keep.

And?

They talked during the homeroom period today.

They couldn't reach a decision, and started fighting.

Then the class was over.

I was called for this duty and here I am.

You're saying that because of the pet problem,

you were not ready to listen to me?

The school is getting a lot of complaints.

I suspect the kids asked their parents

to support the animal they want to keep.

It's not that big of a deal.

If we go to Earth, you will all die in a few minutes.

How about a dog?

Why don't you tremble with fear?

Kaorin, we're going to keep it in the classroom.

In each classroom.

Oh. A dog might bark during a class.

That's right.

If it barks during class, it will disrupt everything.

How about a parrot? Wouldn't that be fun?

It might start copying what the teacher says.

It's so cute. So cute.

A parrot saying things like, "Stand up." "Bow."

Yes, yes.

It's cute, but if the parrot speaks during class,

the kids would laugh out loud.

I don't think it speaks that often.

It does, itching for a chance to speak.

How about a hawk?

A hawk...

All the students will be hawk trainers.

During a kite festival, your students will fly hawks.

Cool.

Cool.

It's cool but I don't know if seventh graders can be hawk trainers.

Even if they could, it would take 10 years,

and they will be over 20 years old.

It is hard to become a hawk trainer.

I'm scared of hawks. They're very scary.

Oh, no. I'm scared.

Why couldn't you have that reaction for me?

Are you still here?

Who are you?

What's this? You can call me Turtle or something.

Isn't it a typical name?

Are you all right?

Ouch.

Did I say something to make you slap me?

You did...

Isn't it strange?

You slapped me while saying, "Are you all right?"

Slapping me and asking me, "Are you all right?" It's too strange.

Every Japanese person knows about it.

But he is an alien.

Do you have a custom of beating up people while caring about them?

You talk too much.

What is this?

I just said turtle. Turtles... They're cute. Turtles...

When turtles stick out their heads...

Shut up!

Ouch. Why did you do that? What is this?

Teacher, how about a cat?

A cat? Well, it walks around.

A cat likes high places.

It might jump on the teacher's desk during class.

It would interfere with the class.

But a small cat might be okay.

I heard about that.

-We can find small breeds these days. -Yes.

Let me think... Mun...

-Munchkin. -You fool!

Ouch. Why?

-Munchkin... You fool. -Ouch.

Al I did was mention a breed of cat.

What?

Don't you ever say such a dirty word in front of Kaorin.

But, Professor, munchkins are cute.

No, no. Don't say such a thing, Kaorin.

A munchkin would be good, wouldn't it?

No, don't say it again.

You're just overreacting.

How about a hamster?

A hamster?

Boys like hamsters,

but hamsters are mice, so some girls are scared of them.

We are much scarier than that, and we will kill all of you.

I'm not scared of mice.

I'm just kind of scared of the species that grow to be very large.

Other classes keep animals as well.

We want to have something unique.

Herta, then.

Stupid!

Why do you do this?

You are so dirty.

What is so dirty about it?

It's too dirty.

That's hard.

-Communication... -Hello?

Hello? Yes...

Yes.

I see. I can't return right now. It's hard... Yes, yes.

It hurts.

-Are you going back? -It hurts.

Yeah... The parents have gathered at the school.

I'll go home, too.

This alien says he will terminate. It scares me.

You're such a liar. You weren't scared of me.

You guys...

Let's have Luchini handle this, and go home.

Yes.

Let's go, then.

I'm in trouble. Damn it.

Good luck invading Earth.

She is totally looking down on me.

A little different...

How can I frighten them?

Why haven't you left yet?

Why should I?

I came here to wipe out all of you humans.

Sorry.

Judging from your appearance,

I don't get the vibe that I'm going to be killed.

Do you have any special technique?

This hand will reach you in a second

and coil around your neck

then suffocate you in a second.

That's too dangerous.

Does your arm stretch?

What's that?

Let me see it.

You...

Are you certain?

You will die.

I have my own technique as well.

Let's fight. I've never fought here before.

Are you really sure?

Come on.

I'm sorry.

I lied.

What?

I lied.

My arms don't stretch.

What's up with that?

Don't laugh. Show me some other technique.

My breath...

My breath stinks.

And...

-With this breath... -You should leave.

-Go home. -I'm not leaving.

I want you to give us advice.

Why do I have to give you advice?

Would it be impossible for us to all live together?

How would that be?

What shall I say...

Sorry I can't imitate very well.

Our shapes are kind of similar, aren't they?

-Yeah, I guess so. -We will be all right.

We have some comedians who look like you.

Then it will be all right.

Those comedians don't wear that costume in their private lives.

Only when they appear on TV.

We could just appear on TV.

What?

Don't underestimate the show business.

You can't appear on TV unless you're really funny.

Even if you succeed once, you could disappear quickly.

I see.

Hey, can you do this? While moving comically,

say, "Alien, Alien, A, A, Lien, Lien. Let's go." Try it.

I have to do a strange move.

Do a strange move. A funny one.

Funny...

Hurry up.

Alien, Alien, A, A, Lien, Lien, let's go.

I don't think so.

To begin with, your rhythm is wrong.

You don't have to give up on me after seeing me just once.

I am a busy person.

I am desperate.

What is it? That again?

-You, too. -Leave.

What should I do?

I can't leave.

There's no way in hell I'll leave.

There are 2,000 men waiting for me in my spaceship.

That's why I can't leave.

What did you just say?

I can't leave...

Before that. What did you say before that?

Before that?

I have 2,000 warriors.

What? What?

You brought 2,000 people.

Yes, I brought 2,000. So, what about it?

Well...

I play in a band.

Do you want to bring all of them?

Are you in a band?

Is that so?

I like music, too.

Really?

What type of music do you play?

We play air.

Air?

I've never heard of it.

Let's see...

Pretending to play instruments. Pretending to sing.

But we are so original

because we don't even use karaoke.

You mean, no sound?

Yes.

What's fun about that? I don't think it's fun.

It is fun.

Let's go.

All right!

Going to the concert means we can go to Earth, right?

Yes, yes.

A chance of invasion right after the concert is high though.

No, no. We'll fight in that case. We have smelly breath. We will fight.

Go for it.

Hey, Luchini. What's going on?

Have you heard? He brought 2,000 people. They can come to my gig as guests.

Of course not.

Secretly...

Our radar will catch them 100%. They will be terminated at that time.

They want to conquer Earth.

They have ways to avoid the radar. Don't you?

No, we don't.

You don't!

They don't have it. Look at his face.

Can't you tell this alien has no aura of having anything special?

You are so useless.

Don't raise your voice.

Sorry. Please sit down. Sorry.

You never thought you would be told you were useless

when you came to invade Earth.

It's okay. I apologize. I am so sorry.

He is crying. You made the alien cry.

I didn't do anything wrong.

That's right. You didn't do anything wrong.

The aliens are the bad ones. Saying they're here to kill Earthlings.

What are we going to do about guests for my gig?

That's your responsibility.

-Hey. -Do something.

-Don't say hey to me. -You're useless.

Not with that tone.

-I'm scared. -Look at me.

Luchini, don't. Luchini, don't.

Don't do that, Luchini. Luchini, don't.

You are saying too much. Luchini, look over here.

Look over here. Look at Saneyoshi.

Look at Saneyoshi. No, don't.

I'll be mad.

I'm a man. I will take your feeling right here.

Is that a yes? Yes?

-Yes -Good.

You are crying too much.

-Your crying is not helping him. -Yes.

It is impossible for you guys, even with all your enthusiasm,

to conquer Earth.

Okay.

Why don't you travel a little longer?

You might find a planet where you can live. Yes, you will find it.

Saneyoshi swears that there is a planet for you.

That's why you should be thankful, okay?

Yes.

If you don't have any merit, live without it. That's all you can do.

Could you stop saying "without any merit" repeatedly?

Did I say it that many times?

Well...

-Then I will tell you... -Go ahead.

Your mole looks funny.

Are you all right?

If you have a mole you can accomplish anything.

Are you ready?

Sorry, but it happens when someone says "mole."

I'm scared.

No, I'm not scary.

I am a gentle person. I am on the gentle side on Earth.

There are much scarier Earthlings than me. Yakuza, the mafia, juvenile delinquents...

We'll go on a journey.

Good. That's good, you do that. There might be a planet of apes near here.

I hope so.

I don't know whether you can win against the apes, though.

We'll try.

Do your best.

You are so useless.

Don't raise your voice. You are scaring him.

-Luchini, no. You stop it. -Go home.

Don't stand up. No, no. No, no, no. Stay seated. Look at Saneyoshi.

Hey. I'm saying hey. Saneyoshi is saying hey.

Are you going to say, "Yes, sir"? Luchini, say, "Yes, sir."

Yes, sir.

Not you. Not you.

Why are you crying? Stop crying.

Luchini, stop.

What?

-No. Let's go. You said you would try? -Yes.

Let's go. Let's try. Good job. We are finished.

-I'm sorry. -Good.

I'll do my best.

Do try your best.

What did you do to the guests for my gig?

It's none of my business.

Why are you looking at me like that?