Original subtitles

BUSINESSMEN VS ALIENS

"Bend..."

EPISODE 6

...means "mageru" in Japanese.

"Analyze..."

Since the Kaorin incident, three people have always been on duty.

But no aliens have come.

What is the Kaorin incident?

I told you about it the other day.

Kaorin tricked Saneyoshi and Luchini so she could go home.

-Whoa. -Not "whoa."

I told you about it recently.

I forgot.

-Your mind is like a sieve, huh? -That's right.

Isn’t it a serious shortcoming for an exam-prepping student?

But I don’t forget academic matters.

-Oh, I see. -Yes.

Otherwise you wouldn't aim for the top colleges.

That's right.

A SPACESHIP FOUND.

A spaceship has been detected approaching Earth.

Please persuade the alien to go back.

Speak of the devil, here come the aliens.

What's with the chant? Aren't you scared?

Not once have I truly been scared, 'cause they're super weak.

Come on. Let’s go persuade them.

Okay.

You go ahead.

What are you doing?

I’m in an auction for a ticket. It's a critical moment.

I wanna study, too.

You can study any time but the auction is only now.

Do you really have to go to every Exile concert?

They’re not taking attendance, right?

Hey, Mishima, don't be silly. They’re taking attendance.

What?

Atsushi and Takahiro take attendance with their eyes as they sing.

If I miss even one, they glare at me at the next concert.

Like, "You didn't come last time."

Then I 'll have to think, "Oh, I’m so sorry. Sorry."

Do you get awards or something if you go to every concert?

Like you can go to their houses?

No, nothing like that.

We only like 'Xile on stage.

Watching 'Xile on stage is our reward.

Same as Mishima going to see AKB, right?

Since when am I an AKB fan?

Aren't 90% of kids prepping for university exams AKB fans?

You’re totally predeceased.

You mean "prejudiced" not "predeceased."

"Predeceased" is correct.

Will you be okay for Waseda University? "Decease" means "death."

"Judice" relates to "judge." So...

-"Prejudice"? -Yeah. That’s the right word.

You're right.

-Will you pass the exam for Waseda? -I will.

Shinko, we are going now.

Please join us when you’re done.

Yup, okay.

Hey, what’s going on here?

Sit down.

This one's scary.

Someone from another planet told me this the other day.

"If you try to invade Earth, you'll be taken to a weird place."

That’s here.

You messing with me?

And you’ll tell me to go back, right?

You’re well-informed.

I came from Planet Lolalilas.

Lolalilas? That’s difficult to say.

Yeah, that's right.

"Earth" is easy to say, right?

Yes, it’s easy.

That's why we’re gonna invade Earth.

You're gonna invade a planet with an easy name

because yours is difficult to say?

That's right.

Then, why not change it to something easier?

Quit using "Lolalilas" since it's difficult to say.

How about "Lonely"?

Kidding.

What?

It was a joke. The name is not the reason.

Why do you have to tell such an unfunny joke?

It would have received a very loud laugh if we were on our planet.

How low must the standards for comedy be there?

Water. We want water.

Yeah?

We can’t eat solid food.

We get 90% of nutrients from water.

But water depletion is predicted to occur 1,300 years from now.

If it's in 1,300 years, what's the point in searching now?

Earth has a lot of water, right?

Yes, but if you have enough

for the next 1,300 years, you must have plenty, too.

Yeah, but rumor has it that the depletion is coming.

We've been talking about oil depletion on Earth for ages,

but there’s no sign of it. So, you’ll be okay, too.

Such rumors are false, and made up by some magazines.

Don’t call them "false rumors."

I was appointed by the government to search for water.

1,300 years... A distant future to worry about.

That’s why...

Hey, you.

-What have you been doing? -Sorry.

What’re you doing?

I’m studying.

Studying?

For university exams.

Huh? While I’m here talking about an urgent issue?

Mine is also urgent.

Let me stop him. Mishima, please stop.

-But... -It's fine. Continue.

Are you sure?

Can't be helped. It's for entrance exams.

Huh? Do you also have entrance exams on your planet?

Yeah.

No planet in the galaxy is without entrance exams.

Do aliens like you take entrance exams?

Yeah.

Whenever you study late at night, your mother brings udon noodles.

Whoa! Exactly same as here.

Excuse me for asking this,

but do all the people on Lolalilas look like you?

Of course. Why?

Do students walking around the campus look like you?

Yeah, I told you.

Don’t you feel anxious without hair on your body or face?

We don't.

Really? Do people walk around the streets like you?

Yes.

That's crazy.

Now we're thinking about the same thing.

Hey, what’s your name?

I’m Mishima.

-Your study method is so bad, Mishima. -What?

You can never memorize words

if you're just flipping through flash cards.

What? Really?

What does "agony" mean?

"Agony," um... I don’t know.

Why? You were looking at it three cards ago.

He doesn’t have a good memory.

"Agony" means pain.

-Let me tell you how to memorize it. -Yes.

A pain in the gone knee, a-gone-knee. Shout it three times.

A pain in the gone knee, a-gone-knee.

A pain in the gone knee, a-gone-knee. A pain in the gone knee, a-gone-knee.

-Now, you got it. -Got it.

"Journey" is a trip.

Japanese people say "Jaa nii" before going on a trip.

"Jaa nii" before going on a trip.

"Jaa nii" before going on a trip. "Jaa nii" before going on a trip.

Okay. "Detail" is an individual part, like a tail.

Say, "Detail" is an individual part, like a tail.

"Detail" is an individual part, like a tail.

"Detail" is an individual part, like a tail.

"Detail" is an individual part, like a tail.

-Now, you got it. -Got it.

Next, "black swan."

Say, "It's not a black swan event that All Blacks won."

It's not a black swan event that All Blacks won.

It's not a black swan event that All Blacks won.

It's not a black swan event that All Blacks won.

Next, "anniversary."

Say, Annie wore a sari to celebrate the anniversary,

pronouncing "wore" in German.

Annie wore a sari...

Annie... Annie...

Annie wore a sari to celebrate the anniversary.

Annie wore a sari to celebrate the anniversary.

Annie wore a sari to celebrate the anniversary.

-Now, you got it. -Got it.

Let’s review. What is "agony"?

I forgot.

-You idiot. -Sorry.

-Is he super stupid? -He studies hard but...

All right, then. You must know the way to memorize years.

A bush warbler sings... Then what?

"A bush warbler sings"?

That's common sense.

I really don't know why you know Japanese history so well

when you're from Lolalilas.

Say the next phrase which follows this phrase.

A bush warbler sings... then what?

A bush warbler sings...

Go on.

A bush warbler sings...

In spring?

We are not talking about seasons,

like in a morning TV show, a newscaster and a weatherman chatting,

"Spring has come and bush warblers have started to sing in Kanto region."

It's a phrase to help memorize the year.

A bush warbler sings...

-Chirp, chirp, chirp. -He chirped.

It sings, "Hoo-hokekyo."

Right. "Hoo-hokekyo."

That’s not the right answer, but you’re laughing.

What is it? I can't answer this kind of trap question.

It's not a trap question. Rather, a straightforward one.

The answer is, "A bush warbler sings in the ancient Kyoto."

I know ancient Kyoto. Do bush warblers sing there?

You read 794 as "nakuyo", "to sing."

It's a play on words. Understand?

The year 794 can be read as "nakuyo." Got it.

The capital was relocated to ancient Kyoto in the year 794.

I never knew such a neat way to memorize it.

You didn’t know that until now?

Turn a sheet of paper blank... Then what?

Turn a sheet of paper blank...

Turn a sheet of paper blank

by using an eraser.

Yeah, you can use an eraser to make a sheet of paper blank.

In 894, "hakushi," a blank paper. What happened in 894?

I don’t remember things that old.

You have to remember that. That's what history is all about.

I've always lived in the now.

It’s not the time to be cool.

Turn a sheet of paper blank...

By the power of the famous magician.

"My 10,000 yen note turns to a blank paper!

"What happened to the old man on it," you idiot?

Turn a sheet of paper blank by ending envoys to China.

In 894, envoys to China discontinued.

Are you really taking exams, seriously?

Yes, I am. Aiming at Waseda University.

I guess even Biri-gal, the dead-bottom student,

knew that a bush warbler sang in ancient Kyoto.

Are you saying I’m worse than Biri-gal?

You’re below Biri-gal.

Your intelligence level is below a human's, like gorilla's.

I'll call you "Gori-gal."

I’m not a gal.

Hey, Gori-gal.

You have less than three months until the entrance exam.

Try your hardest to get into Waseda, if you have a gorilla-level brain.

Hold on. I’ll tutor him.

I’ll do it. I've been irritated with his stupidity for a long time.

I’m irritated, too. Let me tutor him.

Shut up, hairy man.

Build a great country... Then what?

Build a great country...

With prime minister Abe? We're not talking about the present.

We’re talking about history.

In 1192, "iikuni," build a great country...

Build a great country...

By wiping out dinosaurs?

That's too far back.

That's the Jurassic or Cretaceous period. In 1192, dinosaurs were long gone.

Build a great country...

-Together. -That sounds great.

Everyone should be involved to build a great country, but...

It’s about the Kamakura Shogunate.

Shogunate?

You're that dumb?

Do you need to start there, Gori-gal?

I'm not a gal.

Hey, you, I'll give him a crash course, so please...

What happened to him?

He was wearing a wig.

Whoa. We did something terrible.

Before I invade Earth,

I’ll have this stupid kid pass the exam for Waseda.

He regains his power when he puts on the wig.

-Spread afterwards... What did? -What?

In 1549, "igoyoku," something spread afterwards. What did?

Dengue Fever?

We're not talking about Yoyogi Park's mosquitoes.

Enough. Let's leave him like this 'cause he's so annoying.

Hey, come to the lounge with me.

What did spread afterwards?

Christianity did.

I’m a Buddhist, so I don’t need to know that, do I?

Learning history doesn’t work that way, Gori-gal.

I'm not a gal.

Come with me. Come.

Hi, sorry I'm late. I got the ticket.

What happened?

Give me back my combat helmet.

Helmet? I don't see it anywhere.

We Lolalilasians,

are lethargic like this without combat helmets.

Is that so?

Don't just say that, give me back my combat helmet.

As I said, there isn't one.

What? I can’t kill you all, then.

You won't be able to, with that head.

You think so, too?

Well, yes. I don’t wanna be killed by someone with bar-code hair.

We might give up if you were a more proper-looking alien.

I guess so.

By the way, what happened to the other two people?

One of them, the student, is too stupid.

Yeah, he’s stupid.

But he wants to go to university as if it's mandatory.

He was told by the other one that he was Gorilla Gal, below Biri-gal.

Gori-gal? That's a good one.

I forgot about my Earth invasion,

and spent some time tutoring him.

You're too kind, aren't you?

Yeah.

Actually, I came here to kill you all,

but he was too stupid to ignore.

You're in a bind, aren't you?

You could threaten me if only you had your helmet.

Yeah, I can’t even threaten you without it.

Yeah, you can’t threaten me with that hair.

You keep going on about my hair,

but everyone on my planet has hair like this.

What? You all have bar-code hair?

What is this "bar-code hair" you keep mentioning?

Yeah, right. You don't know what it is.

Have I got one? Let me see.

-This is a bar-code. This one. -Hmm.

It looks like your hair, doesn't it?

I see. Good depiction.

Someone named it, not me.

By the way, where did you come from?

Lola... Lolalilas.

Lola... Lola... Hard to say.

-Not that bad. -Even you couldn’t say it smoothly.

'Cause I don’t have my helmet.

So, what is it? You came here to take over Earth?

-Exactly. -I see.

What should I do? I can’t imagine it because you're bald.

I understand.

Until you find your helmet, can I go back to my part-time job?

Yes, you can.

Why did you answer your own question?

It was just a joke.

I don’t get it.

I guess I'm going back to work, then?

Huh? What do you do?

I work part-time at a supermarket called Ozeki, near my house.

Then, why are you here?

How shall I put it?

Is it a second job?

Don't ask me.

I’m not paid, so it’s not really a second job.

You're not paid?

Yeah, that’s right.

-And... -What?

...my salary at the supermarket is not so good, either.

It’s so hard to pay for my food and 'Xile's concert tickets.

-"'Xile" means "Exile"? -Of course. What else could it be?

I'm an alien. Don’t be so harsh.

Sorry, but as a teacher,

I can’t rely on that hairy one to tutor you.

He knew a lot about Japanese history.

'Cause they do detailed research on planets which they are gonna invade.

Surprisingly, people don’t know much about their own place’s history, do they?

You know too little.

They say, "It’s darkest under the lamp shade."

It's "lamp post."

Speaking of "lamp," I fell in the dark and got a lump recently.

Don't mix up "lamp" and "lump."

Anyway, if we're doing this and not persuading the alien,

the Cabinet Office will chew us out.

We came here 'cause you said you couldn't concentrate on your studies

because of the smell of food in the lounge.

-Yes, but... -Listen.

-Yes. -Regarding stupid people...

-Yes? -A stupid person

always finds an excuse not to study. That’s why they're stupid.

-I got it already. -The first question.

Okay.

No entry to a tiger’s den...

I've never heard those words.

Even children know this.

No entry to a tiger’s den...

No entry to a tiger’s den... No entry to a tiger’s den...

Denden.

"Denden"? Don't be silly when we're studying.

I don't know but it flows nicely.

Flow doesn’t matter with proverbs or idioms.

I don’t use the phrase.

Exams are to test your knowledge about things you don’t usually use.

A tiger's den is a tiger's home.

-Got it? -Yes.

No entry to a tiger’s den, no baby tigers.

It means you can’t get baby tigers if you don’t enter a tiger’s den.

I don’t need baby tigers.

I don't, either. I'm not asking what you need.

They are actually cute, but they grow up quickly.

Having them as pets will get you into big trouble.

It’s a parable. Don't take it literally.

A parable.

It's a parable, telling you that if you don’t try, you can’t get it.

Still, I don’t need baby tigers.

Me, neither.

-Forget it. Second question. -Okay.

Don’t cry over...

Doncryover?

What's that? Don't put the words together.

There were three words. "Don't," "cry," "over."

Don’t cry over...

Cry over...

Cry over me, Argentina.

Close. "Don’t cry over me" was close.

The real lyrics go "Don't cry for me, Argentina,"

but they have nothing to do with the idiom.

What are you saying?

I wanna ask you the same question.

The answer is "Don’t cry over spilt milk."

Wasn't mine the right answer, then? Yay!

Please call an ambulance.

Mother.

WASEDA UNIVERSITY ENTRANCE EXAM GUIDEBOOK

So, Yamazaki is our leader.

She takes carrier bags home without asking the store manager.

That's bad.

Yeah, that's bad.

Because carrier bags were free before, but we charge two yen per bag now.

They're for sale, so to speak.

Yeah, that's right.

She takes them home as if they are still freebies.

Maybe she uses them as garbage bags?

I bet she does.

She’s saving money on garbage bags.

Certainly.

You know the clear plastic bags in the seafood section?

What? I don’t know.

It’s a roll of bags to tear off.

You put fish in that bag to avoid the smell from spreading.

Oh, that.

We sometimes take those bags home.

To put kitchen refuse in it. But those are free.

-I see. -Yeah.

I want to live in an apartment with garbage disposal.

Garbage disposal?

There's a hole in the middle of the sink, right?

Yeah.

If you place food scraps there, they get crushed and go somewhere.

How convenient.

Yeah. High-end apartments have the system.

What an invention.

With that, I wouldn't need plastic bags.

Earth's technology is quite advanced.

Speaking of which,

you know Shimizu, a divorcee with two kids, don't you?

No, I don’t.

She is getting married again.

Her fiancé’s apartment has one.

-Garbage disposal? -Yeah.

And her fiancé

is the store manager.

-Ooh la la. -Ooh la la.

And there’s another part-time worker who likes him.

Her name is Koyama.

She is so very mean.

Yeah? What kind of things does she do?

We arrange products to have older ones in front and new ones at the back.

After I did that, she moved older products to the back again.

That’ s bad.

The manager told me off many times because of that.

But you’re hanging in there, despite the mean co-worker.

That kind of thing happens every day.

Poor thing.

Hang in there, for 'Xile’s sake too.

That’s right.

If I don’t, I wouldn't be able to buy tickets and their goods.

When massacring Earthlings, I’ll start with Koyama.

Please. Please do that.

First, I’ll kill Koyama, and then the rest of the Earthlings.

Yeah, that’s great. Koyama first.

I’ll end up killing you as well.

No...

Good morning.

Hello.

Weren't you on duty yesterday?

Yes.

Two days in a row?

Yes.

For personal reasons, I asked Kaorin to switch shifts.

Four of us are on duty today?

I asked you all to come.

What is the important thing you want to tell us?

Something important? You didn’t tell me.

Because Saneyoshi and Luchini are on duty today.

Where are Mishima and Kaorin?

I didn’t want them here.

What’s going on? You look serious.

I’m marrying the alien.

I wanted to let you know.

What happened?

I’m marrying Hafhaal from Lolalilas, the alien who came yesterday.

That bald man?

He is not bald.

He’s bald but he’s not bald.

Everyone on Lolalilas has that hair.

Sorry, I have no idea what's going on because I wasn’t here yesterday.

What? Lolalola...

Lolalilasian.

Lolalola... It's hard to say.

So, who's from Lolalilas?

Hafhaal.

What kind of man is he?

A very nice man.

But he’s here to invade, right?

Yes.

I don't think you should marry him if he came here to invade Earth.

Will he stop the invasion if you marry him?

Now, he is discussing it with his fellow aliens who came with him,

whether they're going to stop the invasion or massacre all the humans but me.

Or they massacre everyone during our short marriage

and kill me last.

We can’t accept any plan other than stopping the invasion, right?

I don’t understand the last one.

He marries you and kills us all, including you? I don't get it.

He wears a wig and he’s super weak without it.

He won't be able to conquer Earth, then.

He can. He can do it.

Love is blind.

Love is blind.

Shinko. Please reconsider this.

What shall we do?

Shall we go see him?

Well, yes.

Shinko.

-Have you made a decision? -Yes.

We've decided to massacre the Earthlings and kill you last.

I see. Then, we should force him to go home.

Fine, I'll marry you.

Yes, let’s. Killing the Earthlings will take at least a week.

We'll live as husband and wife for a week.

I'm so happy.

-Can we do it now? -Yup.

Shinko.

Shinko, aren't you going to marry one of 'Xile members?

They are single.

Even Hiro could become available for you if he got bored with Ueto Aya.

What are you gonna do

if one of 'Xile's members popped the question to you?

There is a huge possibility of that happening.

What?

The probability of marriage between you and an Exile member

is 30%.

Die!

-Bald man! -It stinks. It stinks.

That was so close. The bald one almost tricked me.

'Xile. I’ll marry one of the 'Xile members!