Original subtitles

BUSINESSMEN VS ALIENS

We've all got jobs.

Someone has to compromise,

otherwise we can't work out our shift schedule.

Everybody, close your eyes.

We ain't your students.

Shut up and close your eyes!

Listen up.

If you even remotely feel that your business on Earth

isn't that big a deal, raise your hand!

-No one? Why? -That's why we're in this situation.

I've got an exam tomorrow, so...

You're always taking exams.

I have an important meeting, as well.

Me too, I've got my part-time job. I've been told no one else is available.

-Me too. I have a gig. -Wait.

Me too. I have errands to run.

You know,

it's true that Kaorin is a cutie.

But how much longer are we going to let this "errand" excuse slide?

I haven't since the beginning.

As I always say, they're important errands.

As we keep saying, "important" errands don't exist.

Kaorin,

I think your game is up.

Can you tell us what exactly your "errand" is?

I'm sorry.

I'm in a line of work I can't reveal to anyone.

What shall we do, then?

Shall we decide our shifts based on the importance of our jobs

or of the individual?

Say, based on the context of our work, how significant we are?

Well, mine is the-world-is-fine-without-me sort of stuff.

In that case, I want you to prioritize this job.

Okay, I'll tell you.

I sell matches.

-You sell matches? -You sell matches?

Do matches still exist?

They do, but scarcely.

Dive bars in downtown might have them.

Do dive bars exist in the first place?

Yeah, they do.

Are they candy bars?

No. They involve alcohol and older hostesses with sympathetic ears.

Older hostesses are under constant threat from younger ones

but they won't give up their positions.

Nevermind, no need for you to understand. Go on.

Also,

I polish shoes.

-You polish shoes? -You polish shoes?

I've never seen a shoeshine girl.

We don't see them these days, but I guess some may still exist.

Yeah.

Kaori, by any chance...

I'm poor.

I'm broke.

I'm the King of Broke.

King?

My parents died in a plane crash,

and my younger sister, brother and I were orphaned.

My sister is in junior high school and my brother is still in kindergarten.

I sell matches and shine shoes every day.

I use the money to buy groceries and cook for them.

If I stay here too long,

I won't have money and time to feed them.

What do you eat every night?

Raw eggs over Thai rice.

Thai rice!

It's dry but delicious when you pour raw eggs over it.

But this job pays you more

than selling matches and polishing shoes does, right?

Will I really get any money by doing this job?

Good point. No one has talked about that yet.

I can't stop working my jobs until I'm certain that I'll get paid.

By the way, do matches still sell?

Do people want their shoes shined?

Yes. Somehow, business is going very well.

I wonder why?

Probably because Kaorin is so cute.

No, not that.

For sure. People must be talking about you, the cute shoeshine girl.

I'm not cute. I'm ugly.

I hate that mantra from pretty girls. So annoying.

-You're really cute. -Cute.

Cute? Yes, you're cute.

Really?

But I've never imagined the plight of your family.

I'm sorry for not understanding your situation.

That's okay.

Well then,

who will be on tonight's shift?

Kaorin, is that really true?

What is?

Are you really poor?

Poor people usually can't afford such glittery decorations for their phone.

Hey.

This glittery stuff is sand from the park.

Which park has such pretty sand?

There are some sparkly grains in the sand, like gold dust.

It took me three years to collect enough sparkly ones

to dress up my phone.

Three long years?

You're a girl, after all...

Girls want to dress up their phones, of course.

Yeah.

Well then...

Considering Kaorin's broke queen status...

In that case,

the only option is for Mishima and Luchini to give up their plans.

-Obviously not possible. -Don't belittle my gigs, man.

Exams are right around the corner!

I understand, but we can't let Earth be invaded

because of your exams and music.

There's no need for Mr. Saneyoshi to go to the meeting, I think.

Yeah.

Hey, what are you talking about? I work and get paid for it.

Yours are merely exams, and your gigs are just hobbies.

"Hobbies"? What do you mean?

I'm saying no one pays you for your gigs.

I'm laying the foundations for paid gigs in the future.

Now is the most important stage of all.

In fact, in fact...

Once I succeed, any of my tunes will sell.

In other words, your gigs are currently still a hobby.

If compared,

my current work and meeting are more...

By the way, what's your job title?

Section Chief.

A section chief can skip a meeting, I guess?

Don't belittle a section chief!

Which is superior, Unit Chief or Section Chief?

Section Chief, of course!

-How about Division Chief? -Division Chief is superior.

Do you need to be in the meeting?

I have to give a presentation tomorrow.

Is it going to get approved?

That's not the issue.

The purpose of a presentation is to get approved.

Yours will be rejected.

Hey, kid.

Don't be cheeky, kid.

What evidence do you have?

Face.

Your face.

Face?

Face of the rejected.

"Face of the rejected"? Is there such a thing?

I used to practice physiognomy, so I know about that.

-Really? -I lied.

Why do you lie if you're going to admit it the next second?

What's wrong? Kaorin. That's scary.

Was it funny to you? It wasn't funny at all.

It wasn't funny at all.

They say, girls of her age find everything funny, don't they?

Whatever.

I absolutely have to attend the meeting tomorrow.

Damn it! No progress at all!

Ms. Shinko, can't you negotiate with your store manager to get a day off?

-I can. -What? You can?

Why didn't you tell us earlier?

We were told two people are enough.

So, let's do rock-paper-scissors

-to decide who'll be the second one. -No, no, no.

No rock-paper-scissors.

You just have to win.

If you fail something like this, you'll fail your exams as well.

What's with that attitude?

Okay, let's do it.

I will win, I will win.

He's so determined.

Can determination alone bring victory in rock-paper-scissors?

This is a good chance to see.

Let's do rock-paper-scissors.

-Start with rocks. -Oops.

Sorry. I made a mistake. Let's start over.

-No, Mishima, you lost. -What? I didn't lose.

If you don't show rock first, you lose.

That rule doesn't exist anywhere.

-What? What? You didn't know? -Huh? Huh? I've never heard of it.

-Oh, dear. -Oh, dear.

No, no, no, no. We didn't agree that we'd start with rock.

Yes, we did.

Well, we said that. But only after we started, not before.

-But it always starts with rock, right? -Yes.

Always? Does it always start with rock?

Yes.

Rock-paper-scissors that doesn't start with rock don't exist anymore?

No.

Don't we just go straight to say "rock-paper-scissors" anymore?

-No. -Never heard of it.

-Really? -Never done that before.

Liars.

Okay, then. Mishima and Ms. Shinko are on duty today.

-Have a good evening. -See you later.

At today's gig,

-we will receive a standing ovation. -Get out of here!

You'll be fine, you're missing just one mock exam.

How do you know, you middle-aged lady with a part-time job?

Don't be rude. I have a son who'll be in your shoes next year.

What?

Is that so?

-You know how I feel, then. -Sorry, that was a lie.

That's a lie, isn't it?

Yeah, it's a lie. I just thought that it'd be nice if I had one.

You don't have to say everything that's on your mind.

You don't have to study since you won't be taking the exam tomorrow.

-That was a lie. -What?

To tell you the truth, the exam is the day after tomorrow.

I lied to get extra time.

Oh, you lied in return.

Your parents must be really happy you study so much, right?

I can't afford another gap year.

I see it won't be enough to just get into a good university.

You must be aiming for a prestigious one.

Yes, that's my intention.

You can do it. Knowing you, no doubt about it.

-Yes. I'm working on it. -Keep up the good work.

Still, considering how rarely aliens come, we need to be here quite often.

You're absolutely right. They hardly come.

That's why this is so ridiculous.

I'd understand the necessity if they came every day,

-but only two aliens have come so far. -Yeah.

Well, we don't know when they'll show up, so there's not much we can do.

I bet no aliens will come tonight.

Strange, isn't it?

No one on Earth believes in aliens.

-I didn't believe it either. -I know, right?

We're the only ones who know.

Although, I've told all my colleagues at work about it.

-Don't they think you've gone mad? -No, they just listen and laugh.

Middle-aged women can enjoy anything they hear.

How about you? How do you explain the time spent here?

I say that I'm staying with a friend from my exam-prep school.

-And about the aliens? -Of course I don't talk about that.

How can you keep quiet after seeing those things?

I think about them as wild animals in the savanna or somewhere.

They don't bother me at all.

You know, I've never seen wild giraffes.

Aliens are the same as them, I suppose?

I try to think that way.

-Sorry for disturbing your studies. -It's fine.

In the forest of Waseda

North-west of Tokyo

You will be singing a college song next year, right?

No, no.

No? Then, a state university? Could it be the University of Tokyo?

No, of course not.

A SPACESHIP FOUND!

A spaceship was detected above the Moon.

We will begin sucking immediately, please begin negotiations.

Oh, dear. Speak of the devil.

Will the two of us be enough?

We'll be fine. None of them have been strong so far.

We've only seen two so far. This one could be strong.

In that case, we'll defeat it with our smell.

Why are you so calm, Ms. Shinko?

Let's go.

No.

I have a feeling that it's a strong one today.

Definitely a strong one.

See that? It seems that we'll be fine.

You're right.

You are Earthlings, right?

Yes.

I'm a Samba, from deep inside Mars.

Call yourself a Martian, if you live on Mars.

As expected, Earthlings are extremely ignorant.

Many species are thriving deep under Mars' surface.

And, certainly,

all of them have evolved from the creatures

that Earthlings left on Mars.

Sounds like Terra Formars.

That's right.

The world of Terra Formars exists in reality.

Not only in the manga universe.

"Terror"? Monks or something?

The story goes that the roaches that humans left on Mars

evolved into monsters.

That's right.

And so did we.

The Samba tribe has evolved from ladybugs,

left behind by Earthlings.

Ah, Ladybug Samba, a Japanese pop song.

When you put it that way, I feel embarrassed.

But that's the gist of it.

You seem quite familiar with Japanese culture.

My lineage is from a Japanese ladybug.

That's why I'm super knowledgeable about Japan.

Oh, I got you.

We were heartlessly ditched

in the inhospitable environment of Mars.

I came here to seek revenge on Earthlings, the Japanese in particular.

I'll make you aware of our long-standing grudge.

Well, then, I apologize on behalf of all Earthlings.

Sorry for abandoning you on Mars.

-What do you mean, "Sorry"? -He's apologizing.

Apologies are useless.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Sincerity. Sincerity. Where's the sincerity?

Stop it. What's with that annoying tone of yours?

Do all subterranean creatures on Mars hold a grudge against Earthlings?

No, just us.

Because the other kinds are roaches,

moths and such, they're all creepy.

There's good reason they were left behind.

They had their own evolution processes,

and they believe that Mars is the best place to live.

Why not?

There are no instant-kill bug-sprays.

No sticky traps that leave you stuck in sticky stuff and discarded alive.

For the moths, there's none of those blue thingies that zap them.

With the sound "zap."

"Zap. Zap, zap."

Just a slight brush against it, and it burns you alive.

However. However.

We're different.

We're totally cute.

So cute that we're used as patterns on clothing.

No one wants roach and moth patterns on clothes, right?

But our patterns are popular.

Why would they ditch cuties like us on Mars?

Why?

We are ranked number one in cuteness in the insect world.

A discussion about coolness

would be about the Rhinoceros or Stag beetles.

But we are totally number one when it comes to cuteness.

Then, why?

Why did you ditch us?

Hey, why are you not listening?

Sorry. It looks like I can get Exile's concert tickets

at a super low bid right now.

What?

-Your speech was too long. -It definitely wasn't.

So, do you want to destroy Earth?

No.

We will now embark on Earth

and eat up all the aphids.

Yes.

We're gonna eat them all up!

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

-What? -How about humans?

-Humans? -Yeah, humans.

You won't eat humans?

No. Why? We don't like the taste.

That's the reason you want to go all the way to Earth?

That's right.

So, let me go there now!

Hmm, what to do...

-What shall we do, Ms. Shinko? -Sorry, I wasn't listening.

Why weren't you listening?

They want to go to Earth to eat all the aphids.

Can we talk about it after the auction is over?

Sure.

You fools.

With our heightened assault power, we can't wait...

Shut up! I need to concentrate on this!

Excuse me...

When will the auction end?

-Ms. Shinko, you're making too much noise. -Sorry, sorry.

Correction.

Not only aphids,

but we'll eat up humans as well.

We'll eat you up.

Why? Why?

What's the point of this conversation?

Excuse me.

Well, forget it.

It can't be helped that there's an auction.

But hey, you, stop studying.

Why?

Why? Because I'm here with a strong desire to invade Earth.

And you guys sucked me here to talk, right?

So, we want you to go back to Mars.

No, no, no, no.

Look a person in the eyes when you talk.

You're not a person.

Look into my bug's eyes.

What? What?

You're studying so hard. Which university are you aiming for?

Why do I have to tell you that?

Even if you don't tell me, I can guess.

We bugs can sense other creature's abilities.

There is a saying, "a little bug tells me..."

That's nonsense.

Your academic abilities...

Your academic aptitude score is

39.

What?

What? No way.

Don't say such nonsense.

Takachiho Institute of Technology.

Your chance of passing the exam is

20%.

But he's aiming for Waseda University.

No, no, no, no, no.

No chance at all of getting into Waseda.

You're kidding.

No need to study for universities of that level.

For universities below the Japanese University level,

you can get into them just by writing your name on the exam paper.

Don't make light of universities.

He always has a Waseda study guide, so I thought...

Having a study guide from Waseda

doesn't necessarily indicate he's aiming to get into it.

-Could it be that you're showing off? -No.

Let's see. Let's see.

Can you answer this question?

How about that one?

You're thinking...

Thinking...

You can't answer it.

What about this one?

Thinking, thinking...

Thinking, but...

You can't answer it. Yeah, you're stupid.

Yeah, you're stupid.

You were stupid.

Stupid University? Stupid University.

Even Einstein was at the bottom of his class.

I think that was when he was a kid.

You don't have time to turn it around if you're at the bottom now.

No. No.

Parents with stupid kids always say that.

They say Einstein was at the bottom of the class.

But does that mean that all the kids at the bottom of the class

can become like Einstein?

It's more likely that stupid kids will stay stupid

for the rest of their lives, right?

Are you saying I'm not like Einstein?

Yes. I can tell you that with 100% certainty.

That can't be true.

I'm not like Einstein?

No, you're not.

How can this be?

You've only realized that now?

Yes.

You are stupid. You're actually stupid, aren't you?

It's only the beginning.

I can only go up from here.

I'm not saying being stupid is a bad thing.

You've finally realized.

So, stop studying. Writing your name is enough to get in, honestly.

That can't be true!

Why is a ladybug knocking on universities?

He's knocking on you, not universities.

Now, since you won't be getting into any top universities,

stop studying and listen to me.

And let us go to Earth now.

Here you go. Armpit BO attack!

Whoa, that's so idiotic.

Smelly. So smelly. What is this?

So stinky... Stinky...

You played hardball.

I will never forgive anyone who tries to make a fool of me.

I think most of your classmates make fun of you.

Are you okay with that?

That's fine.

My exam-prep school accepts below-average students only.

I see. I'm glad to hear that.

-Okay, I'm gonna study. -Still?

Of course.

He likes to do it but he's not very good at it.

But do you think we were too hardcore?

THE NEXT DAY

The other subterranean creatures of Mars are gonna come to attack us.

They may come to avenge the ladybugs.

No.

I'd pass out instantly if roaches or moths came here.

In that case, I'll take you back to Earth in my arms, Princess.

Mr. Luchini, how kind of you.

Half of Luchini is made of kindness.

-What's the other half, I wonder? -You wanna know?

-No, thanks. -I'm sure we'll be fine.

Why do you say that?

I'm sure they're considered inferior on Mars.

They must be totally ignored by the other species.

Come to think of it,

can you imagine roaches and moths respecting ladybugs?

I see. That's why they came to Earth.

Therefore, no one will care about their disappearance.

I see.

Only someone aiming for top universities could articulate it like that.

Well...

I'd like to talk about that.

What is it? You look so serious.

Actually, I...

The ladybug was awed when he found out Mishima was studying for Waseda...

I mean, the University of Tokyo.

Ms. Shinko...

The ladybug could predict his future, saying, "A little bug told me..."

He said Mishima would get into the University of Tokyo.

-What? -What?

Hey.

Why did you kill it, then?

We all would've wanted to know our futures.

-There's no need for that. -Huh?

Mr. Saneyoshi.

Yes?

The future

will be what I decide to make it.

-Cool. -Cool.