Original subtitles

'13 Bannerman Road is where Sarah Jane Smith lives,

'and it's home to things way beyond your imagination.

'There's an extra terrestrial super computer in the wall,

'her son, a genetically engineered boy genius,

'a school girl investigator across the road,

'her adopted daughter from another world

'and a whole universe of adventure right here on the doorstep.'

Ready? Always.

Hi. I'm Joseph Serf.

I'm here to introduce the Serf Board from Serf Systems,

the world's newest and best portable computer.

The 15th at 5pm. Put it in your diary.

The day the Serf Board arrives, and the revolution begins.

Billions of dollars of research and development

have gone into this compact affordable device.

Where's my billion dollars, Mr Serf?

Excuse me. Did I say device?

I mean a friend. From the 15th, the world will have another question.

How did we manage before the Serf Board?

Hello?

Hello?

Idiot.

Do you want to see tomorrow, today?

Morning, Sky!

I think I've got everything he wants.

It doesn't matter, Mum, he says, and then when he turns up,

it's straight to the fridge, and why haven't we got any bacon?

Well let him starve. When I went up to Oxford, the cupboards were bare.

Are you all right, Sky? I'm just a little nervous.

I'm meeting Luke face-to-face,

not just on the screen.

Well, you couldn't have a better brother.

Right, yeah.

Not my room any more.

Luke, oh, welcome home.

Hi, Mum.

Hi, Clani!

Don't call us that! Clani? Who's Clani? Clyde, Rani, Clani.

It's meant to be funny.

He can't keep away.

Luke, meet Sky in person.

Sky. Hi. Hi, Sky!

You're taller than you look on webcam. Yes, yes, I am.

Sorry, I just went in your room, I forgot it's not mine any more.

It's the best room, and you don't live here any more.

It's fine, it's really fine.

Hey, finally face-to-face.

It's the clash of the nerds. Sky, behold my greatest success.

Frankenbane's monster, now a normal human student,

living off Pot Noodles, rising at 12 sharp to watch Loose Women.

Yeah, shut up. Sky, I really hope we can be friends.

Of course we'll be friends.

I suppose we're sort of brother and sister.

Tea? Yeah.

I had to leave K9 back at Uni. But look.

I made this.

A dog whistle. Cos you never know.

What's he doing up there? He's backing up the Bodleian Library.

The whole lot! He wouldn't come back with me. 'Good...

'..ness me, what a terrible shame.'

Oi, Mr Smith, don't be nasty.

We could always swap you for another computer. Like the Serf Board!

I hardly think that would be a good exchange.

Well, it's the launch this afternoon, at five!

'Affordable device.'

Excuse me. Did I say device?

And nobody knows what it does when you switch it on.

The rumours say everything!

There's a rehearsal of the launch this morning.

Just three of the country's very top journalists have been invited.

Do you know any of them? Could you, like, blag us in?

Em. I said just the top journalists have been invited.

Yeah, so what if we swap a ticket?

I mean me! Me!

What d'you think pays for all this, taking in washing?

Sorry, I just didn't think it was your kind of a story.

Yeah, almost good enough, Rani. I am not going to miss that!

Who said you're going to miss it? Homecoming treat.

I'm not going to miss it, either! Fine, you can come too, Sky. And?

I'm sorry, that's all I could manage.

I shouldn't really be taking anybody, it's highly unprofessional.

That's so unfair! Sorry, Clani. Family outing.

Basically, we blab anything about the Serf Board

before the actual release and they sue us to death.

But what if I disagree with the terms and conditions?

They're fine, just sign it.

Believe me, if he says they're fine, they're fine. Whatever you say.

Sarah Jane Smith!

Let me drink you in! As lovely as ever.

Luke, Sky, Lionel Carson. An old, old friend.

I could have been so much more!

Now I am a ruin. You remain a paragon!

Lionel was my editor when I first started on the nationals.

He moved on to food and wine.

So why are you covering the Serf Board, Mr Carson?

I pulled rank.

To impress my grandchildren. "I've met the great Mr Serf."

I leave the technical stuff to you young people.

I can't abide computers.

Nothing wrong with a typewriter, says I.

What's a typewriter?

Goodness me!

Make me feel even more old-fashioned, why don't you?

You were old-fashioned when I was new-fangled.

My son and my daughter.

Sorry to keep you waiting. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen!

I'm John Harrison, Serf Systems public relations.

The rehearsal is about to begin. So if you'd like to follow me up.

Well, that's us. Would you care to accompany me, oh, radiant one,

in memory of what might have been?

Go on, then.

Luke, can you feel that? Feel what?

Electricity... building up. It's strong.

Probably just a storm on the way.

No, this feels different, strange.

'And then I shall say... '

Please say hi to Joseph Serf!

And cue Mr Serf.

Wow. Not half bad in the flesh.

He's like you, Sarah Jane, he's got charisma!

Thank you, Johnny. Then I'll say, pleased to meet you.

And then I'll do this.

Whoa, who's that beautiful guy?

Yes, very good, sir, very spontaneous. What next?

You stand there, sir, and your close-ups will be on camera three.

Is the teleprompt in the right position, sir?

Yeah, looking good to me.

And then straight into the spiel? Straight into the spiel, sir.

The Serf Board will revolutionise the way we work, the way we play.

Every home should have one. Soon, every home will have one.

Perfect, sir.

And then the attendees will each be given a Serf Board, like so.

The Serf Board. Take it home, press go, play and learn.

It's a phenomenon. And you're going to love it. You're going to love it.

Why wait is my motto.

Download, browse, photos, books... everything.

You're going to love it.

It's the future, it's tomorrow...

and you love it.

You want one, you need one, everybody wants one,

everybody's got to get one.

(Did you see that? Yeah!

Um, excuse me, can we have a little bit of hush, please?

But, Sarah Jane, he... Quiet, Sky. Wait!

But you did see that? Yes, but nobody else did.

It's tomorrow and you love it.

It's so easy to use! He was right, it's a revolution!

It's beautiful. I love it! Well, it must be good to impress you.

I never saw the point of computers, but this,

this is so easy to use. I'll see you at the launch!

Bye.

Look what you've got. Hurrah for Mum. Hurrah for Mum?

Something weird happened in there. To Mr Serf. What are you talking about?

Mum, he glitched. He what? Just for a moment, he flickered.

Right, back home. We need to check this out.

What if I stay, look for more glitches?

There could be other people like Serf, whatever he is. Good idea.

Where shall we start?

No. Luke is old enough to look after himself.

And I'm not?

No, you're not. Sorry.

You be careful! Come on, Sky, home.

Right! Let's have a look at you, my beauty. No, Clyde, wait.

We should check it out first.

Only Luke and me saw it happen.

Well, Luke's got superior senses,

and Sky's sensitive to electrical fluctuations, however tiny.

Mr Smith, tap into the digital database.

The rehearsal was recorded,

so somebody at Serf must have sent the movie file. Get us a copy.

That may take some considerable time, Sarah Jane.

Here you are.

Hey, you're doing that on purpose now.

It was when Serf was saying everybody will want a Serf Board.

You want one, you need one, everybody wants one,

everybody's got to get one.

Freeze it... between frame 4:34:21 and 23.

There's nothing there. You imagined it. I did not!

Roll back a tenth of a frame, Mr Smith.

Time flexing applied.

That's impossible! Enhancing.

That's not the recording, that's him!

The rest of the picture didn't move. That's what I've been telling you.

I'm getting just a bit suspicious. And preparing to say the A word.

What A word? Aliens!

Mr Smith, give us everything you've got on Joseph Serf! What is he?

Joseph Samuel Serf, born Dayton, lo, 25th May 1972.

Graduated Harvard 1993,

founded Serf Systems, then completely disappeared from public view

after a near-fatal skiing accident in Val d'lsere in 2007.

Following this, he became famously reclusive.

No interviews or pictures.

The only images available after this date are these publicity photographs.

Look. In all these photographs, he never once holds anything.

He never touches anybody. So, what, he's a hologram?

No, no, more than that. He walks, talks, interacts with people.

He's amazing! This technology, it's fantastic!

But he sits down. He gets into cars. It's like a photo.

You can fold it up, and move it around.

Aye-aye, who's that guy that's always right next to him, who's he?

John Harrison, PR for Serf Systems.

The skiing accident.

The real Serf, he died in that accident. He was replaced.

And shortly afterwards, Serf Systems began the development of the Serf Board.

Wait. Lionel.

He hates computers. The moment he switched that on, he raved about it!

This Serf Board, what if it's got some sort of hypnotic power?

They've replaced Serf, and took over his company.

But why? What's this all for?

And today's the launch. A Serf Board in every home?

You can count me out.

Mr Smith. Deep scan, full spectrum analysis.

Let's see what Luke finds out.

And while we wait...

I want an interview with Mr Serf.

But he doesn't do interviews, ever. Watch and learn, Rani.

Mr Serf does not give interviews, Miss Smith.

'But the Serf Board, it's just amazing!'

I have to do a personal follow-up with Mr Serf!

You're invited to the launch.

If I could just speak to Mr Serf,

to tell him there are no glitches.

Go on, Miss Smith.

Well, Mr Serf seems so warm, so real,

so natural, and I'm sure my readers would like to get to know

such a genuine human being.

Well, that's different, Miss Smith. Please, come right over.

Marvellous. I'll see you soon!

One of the country's top journalists. Wow, Sarah Jane.

Just wow! Isn't that a bit dangerous, though? They know you know!

I know they know I know. That's the only way to get in.

And they know you know they know you know.

Sometimes that's the best way.

I need to bring them out into the open, see what they're planning.

And you need me. I saw the glitch, and I might see something else.

What, another family outing? Yeah, OK. No, no, you wait here.

Find out what Mr Smith makes of that. Come on, Let's go!

What's up?

It's daft. But I feel like it's watching us.

How goes the spying?

I checked the car park, hung about in reception,

got a coffee, but nothing.

No more glitching, nothing weird.

It's time for your interview.

OK. Meet you both back here in half an hour.

Miss Smith! I hear you're a fan of the Board. I certainly am, Mr Serf!

Call me Sarah Jane.

Joseph.

I'm sorry, I can't shake your hand. Really? Why ever not?

Mr Serf suffers from an acute peanut allergy.

I haven't been eating nuts.

But you might have been in a nutty environment. I can't be too careful.

I'm so sorry. How very convenient...

Sorry, of course I mean inconvenient.

Does Mr Harrison need to be here, Joseph?

Actually, I'd prefer to stay.

After all, I'd hate there to be any more glitches.

With you around, Mr Harrison,

I'm sure everything will run like clockwork.

Yes. I pride myself I can deal with any old spanners

that get into those works.

Before we start, could I get something to drink? I'm parched.

Certainly, Miss Smith. Tea? Coffee?

What was that? Nothing.

No, I'll just have water, please.

Nice, clear water, that I can see right through.

Coming right up.

Wouldn't you like some? It's very hot in here.

I'm fine, thank you. Now, let's talk about the Serf Board.

Yes, let's.

Deep scan complete.

Tell us the worst.

The Serf Board is a standard low-specification laptop computer.

And? That is all.

But it can't be!

The hologram, the big launch tonight, one in every home. Hold on.

I can hear you, Clyde. And, no, it hasn't got me.

It's not the first time you've said something

was OK and it turned out to be deadly.

Do you remember the Rakweed? Leave it alone.

We wait for the others to get back. But there's not much time!

How will you feel when everyone's walking

down Bannerman Road with their arms out going "serve the computer"?

Clyde, no! Come on, the clock's ticking.

Let's just switch it on, see what it does. OK. But we do it my way.

We take precautions.

The implications for global communications...

Ooh... butterfingers! Would you mind picking that up for me, Joseph?

Please, Miss Smith, do use mine.

An electrical surge?

No, it feels strange. Coming from down below.

We'll tell Mum when she gets back.

Let's take a look.

Come on, it's what you always do. I'll go, you go back to the car.

Not a chance. Sky!

Going down!

How's the liking each other thing going now? I'll let you know.

Hey, it was my idea! It needs a delicate touch.

Well, I'm delicate, in a very manly way.

I've got artists' fingers!

Just like the old days. You and me, having a laugh.

Yeah. I meant to say, all that stuff with Ellie...

It's OK.

Right, let's do this!

OK, I can't sense the electrical surge, but I can hear that!

Coming from further down. But this is the bottom floor.

Unless there's an override command. I can reverse-intuit the code.

Knew it!

There's nothing. Really, nothing.

I'm going to take these off. Careful!

In fact, it's more than a bit rubbish. Bog standard.

What's so special about this?

So it's not the Board itself. That's normal.

It looks cool, that's all.

What did I tell you?

Then what is going on?

Down here!

Whatever it is, it's through there.

'But Mr Serf, the functionality is... ' That's Mum!

'I mean, you've revolutionised the concept.

'Our dedicated team of specialists made improving

'the functionality their number one priority.'

Well, you must have been amazed, Joseph,

when you got your hands on the keyboard for the first time.

I mean, to see your dreams made into a solid reality.

I'd love to tell my readers how that felt from your unique point of view.

I always had faith...

Keep up!

The ideas man.

Well, ideas can be so intangible.

Dear. What am I saying?

That's OK, Miss Smith.

Smile!

Joseph, are you all right?

Keep up, keep up!

Keep up, keep up!

We all say thongs we don't moan.

Spelling, spelling!

Forgove me... things we don't mean.

Keep shadow in sync, and smile again!

Thoughtful smile, not sexy smile!

It's incredible!

They're controlling him! Everything he says and does, it's them!

What else do you want to know?

Oooh. I'm..!

A spillage! Emergency stand!

Steady on thumb.

And one, two, three and... up!

Crease fabric, crease fabric!

I'm so sorry.

What a clumsy clot you are, Miss Smith.

One of our country's most famously shrewd journalists is,

apparently, such a loveable scatterbrain.

Well, Miss Moth.

Miss Smith. What else do you want to know?

I hope I can stop embarrassing myself, for a start.

Hypno to ten.

Hypno-power to ten, hypno-power to ten, she must trust, she must trust!

Mum...

You love the Serf Board, Sarah Jane.

It's the most amazing computer you've ever seen.

Stronger hypno, stronger hypno.

And I am the most amazing man you've ever seen.

Yes, yes.

You're such a handsome man, Mr Serf.

But I'm an old hand at hypnotism.

And when it comes to men,

I actually prefer something I can grab hold of! Gotcha!

Failure! Light sculpture failed!

Failed! Stand down, await orders!

This is alien technology!

And it's pretty erratic.

Alien technology?

You mean, something that's not made on this planet? Like this?

One false move, Miss Smith, and you're dead.

Mum, no!

Intruders!

You!

Please, let her go, she's my sister. She's just a child! Please!

You... YOU... YOU!!!

Sky, get out of there! They're going to kill us.

We're in! Trevor and Janet Shah.

Escaped? Then find her!

The cavalry's coming and it's me and the missus.

This time you are working for your lives.

We've got to work Serf.

No!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media and APOLLO