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TED SCHMIDT.
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BRIAN.
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BRIAN WHO?
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BRIAN WHODO-YOU-THINK?
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THAT'S WHO. OH.
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I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOUR VOICE.
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YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK YOU'VE EVER CALLED ME.
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WELL, TODAY'S YOUR LUCKY DAY.
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I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU, REMEMBER?
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YEAH, RIGHT. UH, SO WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?
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I HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
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WELL, THINK ABOUT IT AND DECIDE
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IF YOU WANT TO HANG OUT.
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WITH YOU?
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YOU SOUND SURPRISED.
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Uh, no. Surprised would be if I won the lottery.
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OR IF AN ASTEROID HIT THE EARTH,
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OR IF RICHARD SIMMONS WAS STRAIGHT.
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NO, TRY DUMBSTRUCK.
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So you're not busy?
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DO YOU HAVE TO ASK?
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WOODY'S. AFTER WORK.
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HE WANTS ME TO MEET HIM AT WOODY'S...
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TO HANG OUT.
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GOD, HE MUST REALLY BE DESPERATE.
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UH, I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT. AH.
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NOW THAT HE AND MICHAEL ARE NO LONGER FRIENDS,
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MY GUESS IS IS THAT HE NEEDS SOMEBODY NEW TO TAKE FOR GRANTED.
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SO, NATURALLY, HE THOUGHT OF ME.
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YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY CONSIDERING GOING, ARE YOU?
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WELL, MAYBE I CAN RESOLVE THE GREAT MICHAEL CONFLICT,
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AND WIN THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
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AND SCORE WITH ONE OF BRIAN'S REJECTS.
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49... 50.
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GOD, I HATE MY ABS.
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I LOVE YOUR ABS.
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I MEAN YOU.
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HE MEANS YOU.
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YOU'RE EMMETT, RIGHT? RIGHT.
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YOU WORK AT TORSO, RIGHT? RIGHT.
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AND YOUR DENTIST IS DR. FELDMAN, RIGHT?
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RIGHT, HOW DO YOU KNOW WHO MY DENTIST IS?
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I WAS IN HIS OFFICE LAST WEEK. I HAD THE APPOINTMENT RIGHT AFTER YOU.
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AND BY THE WAY, I LOVE THE SPACE BETWEEN YOUR TEETH.
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I'M BEAU.
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THAT'S FRENCH FOR "BEAUTIFUL". I KNOW.
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AND I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT YOU WERE KIND OF, UH, CUTE.
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YOU HAVE? YEAH.
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AND I WAS WONDERING, MAYBE YOU'D LIKE TO GO OUT SOMETIME.
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AS IF YOU NEED TO ASK.
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I'D LOVE TO. AS IF HE'D SAY NO.
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ONLY I CAN'T.
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WHAT?
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I-I CAN'T.
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BUT THANKS FOR ASKING.
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MAYBE SOME OTHER TIME, THEN.
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ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?
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GUYS LIKE US DO NOT TURN DOWN GUYS LIKE HIM.
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YOU HAVE ACTED IN FLAGRANT VIOLATION
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OF THE ENTIRE GAY SOCIAL STRUCTURE.
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THEY'RE GOING TO VOTE YOU OUT OF THE BROTHERHOOD.
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LET 'EM. I MADE A PROMISE TO GOD, REMEMBER?
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THAT IF I TESTED NEGATIVE... I KNOW,
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YOU'D NEVER HAVE SEX WITH ANOTHER MAN, I KNOW.
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BUT YOU'RE FINE!
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IT DOESN'T MATTER.
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I NEVER WANT TO GO THROUGH THE HELL
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THAT I WENT THROUGH AGAIN, AND I WON'T.
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BECAUSE SOMEONE KEPT HIS PART OF THE BARGAIN.
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NOW IT'S MY TURN TO KEEP MINE.
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HEY.
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I DIDN'T HEAR YOU COME IN.
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OH-H, SHH, I JUST PUT GUS TO BED.
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IT'S TOO LATE TO SEE HIM THEN, HUH?
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OH, YOU CAN SEE HIM IN THE MORNING.
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HE'S ASLEEP WHEN I LEAVE.
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WELL, MAYBE YOU COULD LEAVE LATER, OR EVEN TAKE THE AFTERNOON OFF.
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THE POINT OF MY WORKING LONGER DAYS
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IS SO YOU CAN STAY HOME.
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I APPRECIATE HOW HARD YOU WORK.
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IT WOULD BE NICE IF YOU SHOWED IT.
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I THOUGHT I DID.
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AND, UH, I'M WORKING TOO.
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TAKING CARE OF OUR SON.
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YOUR SON AND BRIAN'S. I JUST PAY THE BILLS.
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OH, ARE WE REALLY GOING TO GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN?
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NAW, LET'S PRETEND EVERYTHING'S FINE.
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I DIDN'T SAY EVERYTHING'S FINE.
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I JUST DON'T FEEL WE NEED TO CONSTANTLY TALK ABOUT IT.
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WELL, I'M JEWISH AND AFTER NEO-NAZIS
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THERE'S NOTHING THE JEWS FEAR MORE THAN SILENCE.
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WELL I'M NOT LIKE THAT.
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I DON'T HAVE THE NEED TO CONSTANTLY EXPRESS
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EVERYTHING THAT I'M FEELING.
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I WISH YOU'D TRY.
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BECAUSE AFTER THAT FIASCO AT BRIAN'S
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YOU'VE TURNED OFF TO ME PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY...
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AS USUAL, YOU'RE CATASTROPHIZING,
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TURNING EVERY LITTLE SLIGHT INTO A REJECTION.
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YOU NEVER WANT TO MAKE LOVE,
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YOU BARELY WANT TO HAVE A DISCUSSION.
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HAS IT EVER OCCURRED TO YOU THAT I MIGHT BE TIRED?
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WELL, I'M TIRED, TOO.
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I'M TIRED OF TRYING TO GET THROUGH TO YOU,
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OF FIGURING OUT WHAT THE HELL I DID WRONG,
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OF WONDERING WHY INSTEAD OF FEELING CLOSER THAN WE'VE EVER BEEN,
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I HAVE NEVER FELT MORE ALONE.
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OH.
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AREN'T YOU GOING TO SAY ANYTHING?
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WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE FOR DINNER?
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I CAN HEAT UP SOME POT ROAST.
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SO, HOW WAS WORK?
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FAT MARLEY HAD THIS REALLY INCREDIBLE HICKEY.
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AND THERE WAS A SALE ON PROTEIN POWDER,
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SO EVERY QUEEN IN THE CITY WAS THERE,
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EXCEPT FOR YOU, OF COURSE.
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BORING.
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WORK WAS BORING.
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HOW ABOUT YOU?
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DON'T TELL ME. YOU TOOK THE CLIENT
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TO THIS REALLY FANCY RESTAURANT FOR LUNCH,
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AND THERE WAS THIS REALLY HOT WAITER AND HE...
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HE SIGNALLED FOR YOU TO MEET HIM IN THE LINEN CLOSET
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AND HE GAVE YOU THIS AMAZING BLOW JOB,
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AND THEN YOU WENT BACK TO THE TABLE
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AND THE CLIENT NEVER KNEW.
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HOW'D YOU GUESS?
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I ASKED YOU ABOUT WORK.
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UH, I TOOK A CLIENT TO LUNCH
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AND THE WAITER BLEW ME IN THE LINEN CLOSET.
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REALLY?
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LIAR! YOU'RE SUCH A LIAR.
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SO, HAVE YOU TALKED TO HIM?
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WHO?
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MICHAEL.
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WHAT FOR?
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OH, FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN HE'S YOUR BEST FRIEND.
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WASMY BEST FRIEND.
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WHY DON'T YOU JUST CALL HIM?
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I TOLD YOU.
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HE'S OUT OF MY LIFE AND I'M OUT OF HIS.
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SO WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT IT?
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HEY.
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HOW'S IT GOING?
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I'M NOT INTERESTED.
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HOWEVER, UH, I AM AVAILABLE
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FOR SAFE SEX AND ESTATE PLANNING.
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ACTUALLY, I DO HAVE SOME INVESTMENT QUESTIONS.
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WELL, I TELL YOU WHAT.
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YOU HELP ME DIVERSIFY MY PORTFOLIO,
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I'LL HELP DIVERSIFY YOURS.
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THAT'S THE LAST ONE.
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YOU'RE SURE?
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WELL, YEAH, FOR THE MOST PART.
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I MEAN, I'M GONNA GO BACK
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AND GET THE REST TOMORROW.
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THE REST?
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YOU GOT A LOT OF STUFF.
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WELL, YOU KNOW, IF I...
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FIND SOMETHING I LIKE, I HOLD ON TO IT,
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YOU KNOW, FOR KEEPS.
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I HOPE THAT APPLIES TO ME, I HOPE THAT APPLIES TO ME.
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I HOPE THAT APPLIES TO ME. ESPECIALLY TO YOU.
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SO WHERE SHOULD I PUT IT?
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WHEREVER YOU WANT, BABY.
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I MEANT MY STUFF.
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YOU DECIDE. IT'S OUR PLACE NOW.
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GREAT.
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UM...
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BUT WHY DON'T YOU WAIT TILL TOMORROW MORNING?
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'CAUSE I GOT PLANS FOR US TONIGHT.
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OH?
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OH. OH-H.
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SO, YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY GETTING HOME?
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YEAH, I KNOW THE WAY.
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RIGHT.
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I'M SO LUCKY.
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WHY IS THAT?
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WELL, NORMALLY ABOUT THIS TIME
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I'D BE COMING OUT OF WOODY'S,
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WAITING IN THE JEEP FOR BRIAN
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TO FINISH GETTING A BLOW JOB
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SO I COULD DRIVE HIM HOME.
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AND INSTEAD?
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AND INSTEAD I'M HERE, WITH YOU.
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I'M LUCKY TOO.
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I LOVE YOU, MICHAEL.
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MIKEY?
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HEY, SLEEPYHEAD.
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WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP SO EARLY?
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WELL, I COULDN'T WAIT TO UNPACK MY STUFF.
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SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?
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IT... IT'S, UH...
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IT'S GREAT.
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I... I ESPECIALLY LIKE THE, UM...
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WHERE YOU'VE... THE, UH, THE PUTTING OF,
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WHAT'S HIS NAME?
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CAPTAIN ASTRO.
199
00:15:00,473 --> 00:15:03,477
YEAH, I WASN'T SURE HOW YOU WERE GOING TO FEEL ABOUT THAT.
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OH, IT ADDS A REAL...
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00:15:04,978 --> 00:15:07,981
UH, WHIMSICAL TOUCH.
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I'M STILL NOT SURE WHERE TO PUT MY TOY ROBOTS.
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WELL, I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND THE PERFECT PLACE.
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NOW COME ON, LET'S GO BACK TO BED. BED?
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SOME OF US HAVE TO WORK.
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IT'S SATURDAY.
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THE BIG Q NEVER CLOSES.
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I WAS KIND OF HOPING WE'D JUST KICK BACK AND WATCH THE GAME.
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WELL, I'VE NEVER REALLY BEEN INTO WATCHING THE GAME.
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OR SATURDAYS.
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YOU HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST SATURDAYS?
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WELL, THAT WAS THE DAY THAT ALL THE KIDS
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DID STUFF WITH THEIR DADS.
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AND... I DIDN'T HAVE ONE, SO...
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I KINDA DREADED SATURDAYS.
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WELL, I CAN PROMISE YOU...
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ONLY HAPPY SATURDAYS FROM NOW ON.
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ANOTHER THERAPIST?
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00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:13,054
WITH THAT ATTITUDE WE'LL GET A LOT ACCOMPLISHED.
220
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BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S GOT A PROBLEM.
221
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AND YOU DON'T?
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ONLY THE ONE YOU'RE CREATING.
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OH, CHRIST! AM I LIVING IN THIS HOUSE ALONE?
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MAYBE YOU'D BE HAPPIER IF YOU WERE.
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I'LL GET IT.
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MEET MY LATEST TRICK.
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HA.
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I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE INTO BEARS.
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I THOUGHT YOU PREFERRED THE YOUNG, HAIRLESS,
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"NOT ADMITTED WITHOUT A PARENT OR GUARDIAN" TYPE.
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WHERE'S MY SON?
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OUR SON IS TAKING A NAP.
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WELL, I THOUGHT I'D DROP BY FOR DINNER.
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IT'S 2:00 O'CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON.
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THEN I'LL JUST HANG OUT. HANG OUT?
236
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SINCE WHEN DID YOU "HANG OUT" WITH THE LIKES OF US?
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SINCE MICHAEL'S NO LONGER IN THE PICTURE.
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IT'S JUST AS WELL.
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MIKEY AND I WERE HOLDING ON TO EACH OTHER FOR TOO LONG.
240
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I MEAN, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, WHAT DO WE EVEN HAVE IN COMMON?
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YOUR LIVES.
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ASIDE FROM THAT.
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ANYWAYS, IT WORKED OUT FOR THE BEST.
244
00:17:08,115 --> 00:17:11,119
THANKS TO MY DIVINE INTERVENTION, HE'S WITH THE GOOD DOCTOR NOW.
245
00:17:11,621 --> 00:17:12,121
WHERE HE BELONGS.
246
00:17:13,623 --> 00:17:16,125
LOOK, I GUESS IT'S NOT TOO LATE.
247
00:17:16,125 --> 00:17:17,627
FOR WHAT?
248
00:17:17,627 --> 00:17:19,128
TO FIX THINGS.
249
00:17:19,128 --> 00:17:20,631
SOME THINGS ARE BETTER LEFT BROKEN.
250
00:17:24,134 --> 00:17:27,137
SO. WHAT DO YOU SAY WE PLAY A LITTLE SCRABBLE?
251
00:17:30,140 --> 00:17:32,143
I GOT THIS OFF THE INTERNET,
252
00:17:32,143 --> 00:17:33,645
WAIT'LL YOU HEAR IT.
253
00:17:33,645 --> 00:17:36,147
TEN WAYS TO KNOW IF YOUR HUSBAND'S GAY.
254
00:17:37,649 --> 00:17:39,651
NUMBER ONE, AT YOUR WEDDING,
255
00:17:40,151 --> 00:17:42,655
HE KISSES THE BEST MAN INSTEAD OF YOU.
256
00:17:44,156 --> 00:17:45,658
NUMBER TWO, FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY,
257
00:17:46,158 --> 00:17:47,661
HE BRINGS YOU FLOWERS,
258
00:17:47,661 --> 00:17:49,162
AND ARRANGES THEM.
259
00:17:50,664 --> 00:17:51,665
NUMBER THREE...
260
00:17:53,668 --> 00:17:54,669
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
261
00:17:54,669 --> 00:17:56,170
YOU'RE NOT LAUGHING.
262
00:17:56,170 --> 00:17:57,672
I DON'T THINK IT'S VERY FUNNY, THAT'S ALL.
263
00:17:59,173 --> 00:18:01,175
WELL, I THINK IT'S A SCREAM.
264
00:18:01,175 --> 00:18:02,176
DON'T YOU, MIKE?
265
00:18:03,679 --> 00:18:05,180
UH, I WASN'T REALLY LISTENING.
266
00:18:10,686 --> 00:18:13,188
YOU'RE ENTITLED TO THINK WHATEVER YOU WANT,
267
00:18:13,188 --> 00:18:14,691
AND SO AM I.
268
00:18:14,691 --> 00:18:16,192
AND WHAT I THINK IS THAT...
269
00:18:17,694 --> 00:18:19,195
PEOPLE WHO LAUGH AT JOKES
270
00:18:19,195 --> 00:18:20,697
THAT MAKE FUN OF OTHER PEOPLE,
271
00:18:20,697 --> 00:18:22,700
WHOEVER THEY ARE,
272
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:24,202
ARE IGNORANT AND CRUEL.
273
00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:29,708
WHAT'S HER PROBLEM?
274
00:18:39,719 --> 00:18:41,220
MR. NOVOTNY?
275
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,223
YES, TRACY?
276
00:18:44,223 --> 00:18:46,727
I WANTED TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING.
277
00:18:46,727 --> 00:18:48,228
WHAT?
278
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:49,229
TWO WEEKS NOTICE.
279
00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:53,233
I GOT A JOB AT THE BIG DOLLAR MART.
280
00:18:55,736 --> 00:18:57,739
I SHOULD REALLY GET BACK, MY BREAK'S OVER.
281
00:19:14,257 --> 00:19:15,258
I'M NOT INTERESTED.
282
00:19:17,762 --> 00:19:19,263
BRIAN, HEY.
283
00:19:19,263 --> 00:19:20,765
HOW'S IT GOING?
284
00:19:20,765 --> 00:19:22,767
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
285
00:19:22,767 --> 00:19:24,769
TO TELL YOU WHAT A GREAT TIME WE HAD LAST NIGHT.
286
00:19:24,769 --> 00:19:27,271
I WAS BORED OUT OF MY FUCKING MIND.
287
00:19:29,274 --> 00:19:30,776
YEAH, WELL, UH, YOU KNOW
288
00:19:30,776 --> 00:19:32,277
THAT'S THE SIGN OF TRUE FRIENDSHIP.
289
00:19:32,277 --> 00:19:33,780
YOU KNOW, THAT IT CAN, UH, ACCOMMODATE
290
00:19:33,780 --> 00:19:35,281
VASTLY DIVERGENT POINTS OF VIEW.
291
00:19:40,287 --> 00:19:41,288
I'M NOT INTERESTED.
292
00:19:46,794 --> 00:19:48,295
YOU KNOW, UH, JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY,
293
00:19:48,295 --> 00:19:49,798
HOW MANY GUYS HIT ON YOU A NIGHT?
294
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,301
GIVE OR TAKE, 112.
295
00:19:53,301 --> 00:19:54,803
I DON'T KNOW.
296
00:19:54,803 --> 00:19:56,805
AMAZING.
297
00:19:56,805 --> 00:19:57,806
AND I ONLY NEED ONE.
298
00:20:01,310 --> 00:20:03,312
I'M NOT... INTERESTED.
299
00:20:05,314 --> 00:20:07,316
UH, EXCUSE ME. UM...
300
00:20:09,319 --> 00:20:10,321
YOU KNOW, UH...
301
00:20:11,322 --> 00:20:13,825
TAX SEASON IS COMING UP, AND, UH...
302
00:20:13,825 --> 00:20:16,327
YOU DON'T WANT TO GET CAUGHT WITH YOUR PANTS DOWN.
303
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:28,841
I'M MATT.
304
00:20:29,842 --> 00:20:31,845
OF COURSE YOU ARE.
305
00:20:32,345 --> 00:20:35,849
YOU'RE ALWAYS MATT, OR SCOTT,
306
00:20:35,849 --> 00:20:37,350
OR... OR TODD...
307
00:20:38,351 --> 00:20:39,853
OR SOME OTHER WONDERFUL,
308
00:20:39,853 --> 00:20:41,354
ONE SYLLABLE NAME.
309
00:20:42,857 --> 00:20:43,858
I'D OFFER TO BUY YOU A DRINK,
310
00:20:43,858 --> 00:20:45,861
BUT SOMETHING TELLS ME YOU DON'T NEED ANOTHER.
311
00:20:45,861 --> 00:20:47,362
SOMETHING TELLS ME...
312
00:20:48,864 --> 00:20:49,865
YOU MIGHT BE RIGHT.
313
00:20:52,869 --> 00:20:54,370
NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
314
00:20:54,871 --> 00:20:56,873
I'M GOING TO GO HOME.
315
00:20:56,873 --> 00:20:58,374
IT'S ALWAYS NICER TO VOMIT
316
00:20:58,374 --> 00:20:59,375
IN YOUR OWN TOILET.
317
00:21:02,879 --> 00:21:04,381
MAYBE I'D BETTER GIVE YOU A HAND.
318
00:21:06,383 --> 00:21:07,885
THANK YOU.
319
00:21:07,885 --> 00:21:09,887
MAYBE YOU'RE JUST REEVALUATING YOUR LIFE,
320
00:21:10,387 --> 00:21:11,388
QUESTIONING YOUR CHOICES,
321
00:21:11,388 --> 00:21:14,392
WONDERING IF THERE'S SOMETHING BETTER.
322
00:21:14,392 --> 00:21:15,894
YEAH.
323
00:21:15,894 --> 00:21:18,396
YEAH, THAT'S IT EXACTLY.
324
00:21:18,396 --> 00:21:20,399
HOW'D YOU KNOW?
325
00:21:20,399 --> 00:21:22,902
'CAUSE I'VE SEEN THE LIGHT.
326
00:21:22,902 --> 00:21:24,403
AND SEEING HOW MISERABLE YOU LOOKED AT THE BAR
327
00:21:24,905 --> 00:21:26,907
MADE ME THINK MAYBE YOU NEEDED TO SEE IT TOO.
328
00:21:29,409 --> 00:21:30,911
WHAT'S THIS?
329
00:21:30,911 --> 00:21:31,912
A GROUP I BELONG TO.
330
00:21:33,413 --> 00:21:36,417
HMM, I DON'T DO VERY WELL IN GROUPS.
331
00:21:36,417 --> 00:21:38,419
I GOT THROWN OUT OF THE CUB SCOUTS FIRST WEEK.
332
00:21:38,419 --> 00:21:41,422
I MADE A FABULOUS NECKLACE OUT OF SLIP KNOTS.
333
00:21:41,422 --> 00:21:42,924
EVERYONE'S WELCOME IN THIS GROUP.
334
00:21:42,924 --> 00:21:44,926
AND IT'S ALL PEOPLE LIKE US.
335
00:21:44,926 --> 00:21:46,428
LIKE US?
336
00:21:46,428 --> 00:21:48,430
PEOPLE WHO ARE QUESTIONING AND EVALUATING.
337
00:21:49,932 --> 00:21:52,434
WHY DON'T YOU COME TO ONE OF OUR MEETINGS?
338
00:21:52,434 --> 00:21:53,936
ALL YOU'VE GOT TO LOSE IS YOUR PAIN.
339
00:22:06,951 --> 00:22:08,954
YOU MAKE A LOT OF TIPS.
340
00:22:08,954 --> 00:22:10,455
THAT'S 'CAUSE I'M CUTE.
341
00:22:10,455 --> 00:22:12,457
YEAH, AND CONCEITED.
342
00:22:12,457 --> 00:22:14,960
I COULD FUCK PRACTICALLY ANYONE I WANTED.
343
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:15,961
SO WHY DON'T YOU?
344
00:22:21,968 --> 00:22:22,969
NEVER MIND.
345
00:22:22,969 --> 00:22:24,470
THE ANSWER JUST WALKED IN THE DOOR.
346
00:22:25,972 --> 00:22:27,974
HEY.
347
00:22:27,974 --> 00:22:28,976
HOW'S IT GOING?
348
00:22:29,476 --> 00:22:30,978
WHAT, YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO KNOW?
349
00:22:31,479 --> 00:22:32,480
WELL, I ASKED, DIDN'T I?
350
00:22:35,483 --> 00:22:36,985
EVERYTHING'S FINE.
351
00:22:37,485 --> 00:22:38,486
GOOD.
352
00:22:39,989 --> 00:22:40,990
WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?
353
00:22:43,492 --> 00:22:44,493
HUH?
354
00:22:44,994 --> 00:22:47,997
ARE THESE PARTICULARLY HARD QUESTIONS?
355
00:22:48,998 --> 00:22:50,500
DO YOU WANT TO COME OVER AFTER WORK?
356
00:22:53,003 --> 00:22:54,504
REALLY?
357
00:22:56,506 --> 00:22:57,507
SURE.
358
00:22:57,507 --> 00:22:59,009
I'LL HAVE A TURKEY SANDWICH,
359
00:22:59,009 --> 00:23:01,512
ON WHOLE GRAIN, NO MAYO. TO GO.
360
00:23:05,516 --> 00:23:07,019
DO YOU REALIZE THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
361
00:23:07,019 --> 00:23:08,520
HE'S EVER ASKED ME TO COME OVER?
362
00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:10,022
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK IT MEANS?
363
00:23:18,531 --> 00:23:20,033
IT MEANS HE MISSES MICHAEL.
364
00:23:21,034 --> 00:23:22,536
ARE THOSE GUYS REALLY
365
00:23:22,536 --> 00:23:24,038
NEVER GOING TO TALK TO EACH OTHER AGAIN?
366
00:23:25,539 --> 00:23:27,041
LOOKS THAT WAY.
367
00:23:27,541 --> 00:23:28,542
SO WHY DON'T YOU TALK TO HIM?
368
00:23:31,045 --> 00:23:31,545
ME?
369
00:23:32,047 --> 00:23:33,048
WELL, I THOUGHT YOU LOVED BRIAN.
370
00:23:33,548 --> 00:23:35,550
AND YOU'RE STAYING IN MICHAEL'S BEDROOM,
371
00:23:35,550 --> 00:23:37,052
WHICH MAKES YOU, LIKE, THE MISSING LINK.
372
00:23:39,054 --> 00:23:40,055
WELL, GO ON.
373
00:23:47,064 --> 00:23:48,565
HEY, BOY WONDER, UH...
374
00:23:48,565 --> 00:23:51,068
A COUPLE OF LEMON SQUARES. TO GO.
375
00:23:51,068 --> 00:23:52,069
SURE.
376
00:24:02,580 --> 00:24:04,083
AREN'T YOU GOING TO TALK TO HIM?
377
00:24:06,585 --> 00:24:07,586
WHAT FOR?
378
00:24:07,586 --> 00:24:09,088
HE'S RIGHT THERE.
379
00:24:09,088 --> 00:24:10,089
STAY THE FUCK OUT OF IT.
380
00:24:26,108 --> 00:24:26,608
YOU GUYS SHOULD TALK.
381
00:24:27,109 --> 00:24:28,110
YOU SHOULD MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.
382
00:24:28,610 --> 00:24:30,112
BUT HE'S YOUR BEST FRIEND.
383
00:24:30,112 --> 00:24:32,114
JUST GIVE ME THE LEMON SQUARES.
384
00:24:32,114 --> 00:24:33,615
HEY, WHERE'S MY ORDER?
385
00:24:37,620 --> 00:24:39,122
THIS IS A TURKEY SANDWICH.
386
00:24:40,623 --> 00:24:42,125
THESE ARE LEMON SQUARES.
387
00:25:02,148 --> 00:25:04,150
HONEY, I'M HOME!
388
00:25:04,150 --> 00:25:05,651
GOD, I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY THAT.
389
00:25:06,152 --> 00:25:07,654
HEY, I THOUGHT I HEARD YOU COMING IN.
390
00:25:09,156 --> 00:25:11,158
AND HONEY, YOU REALLY ARE HOME.
391
00:25:11,158 --> 00:25:13,660
YEAH, I PICKED THESE UP FOR DESERT.
392
00:25:13,660 --> 00:25:14,661
HOW WAS THE...
393
00:25:15,662 --> 00:25:16,663
GAME?
394
00:25:19,667 --> 00:25:21,669
PENGUINS LOST IN OVERTIME.
395
00:25:21,669 --> 00:25:23,171
THESE ARE BEAUTIFUL.
396
00:25:24,672 --> 00:25:26,174
THE PLACE LOOKS DIFFERENT.
397
00:25:27,175 --> 00:25:28,676
YEAH, WELL I...
398
00:25:30,180 --> 00:25:32,182
I PUT A FEW THINGS AWAY.
399
00:25:32,682 --> 00:25:34,184
YEAH, LIKE... ALL MY STUFF.
400
00:25:36,186 --> 00:25:39,690
OH, WELL IT WAS A BIT, UH, CLUTTERED.
401
00:25:42,693 --> 00:25:44,695
HOW WAS YOUR DAY? MY DAY? MY...
402
00:25:44,695 --> 00:25:46,197
MY DAY WAS COMPELLING.
403
00:25:46,197 --> 00:25:49,200
CHOCK FULL OF EVENT. WE GOT A NEW HANDICAP RAMP, AND...
404
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:52,704
FAT MARLEY REGALED US WITH HER WITTY REPERTOIRE OF FAG JOKES.
405
00:25:52,704 --> 00:25:55,207
WHAT DID YOU DO?
406
00:25:55,707 --> 00:25:57,709
I TOLD HER I'M AN OUT-ANDPROUD HOMOSEXUAL,
407
00:25:57,709 --> 00:25:59,711
AND IF SHE DOESN'T LIKE IT SHE CAN SUCK MY DICK.
408
00:26:02,215 --> 00:26:03,216
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
409
00:26:04,718 --> 00:26:06,220
TRACY DID.
410
00:26:06,220 --> 00:26:07,221
SHE STOOD RIGHT UP TO HER.
411
00:26:09,223 --> 00:26:10,724
GOOD. SO SHE'S STILL YOUR FRIEND.
412
00:26:12,727 --> 00:26:13,728
I WOULDN'T SAY THAT.
413
00:26:15,730 --> 00:26:17,732
HEY, WELL ONE GOOD THING CAME OUT OF WHAT BRIAN DID.
414
00:26:20,235 --> 00:26:22,238
IT MADE YOU REALIZE THAT YOU BELONG HERE WITH ME.
415
00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:26,242
TAKE OFF YOUR JACKET, GET READY FOR DINNER.
416
00:26:39,256 --> 00:26:41,259
ONE SPOONFUL LEFT.
417
00:26:41,259 --> 00:26:42,260
YOU WANT IT?
418
00:26:43,262 --> 00:26:44,263
NO, IT'LL MEAN 10 MORE MINUTES
419
00:26:44,263 --> 00:26:46,265
ON THE STAIRMASTER.
420
00:26:46,265 --> 00:26:47,266
COME ON.
421
00:26:47,766 --> 00:26:49,768
I WANT TO SEE YOU LICK IT OFF THE SPOON.
422
00:27:05,286 --> 00:27:07,788
MMM, ICE CREAM KISS.
423
00:27:10,291 --> 00:27:12,793
YOU SHOULD EAT MORE, YOU KNOW.
424
00:27:12,793 --> 00:27:14,295
MY MOM SAYS YOU'RE TOO SKINNY.
425
00:27:15,798 --> 00:27:17,800
YOUR MOM? MM-HMM.
426
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:19,802
SHE DOESN'T COMPLETELY HATE YOU, YOU KNOW.
427
00:27:21,804 --> 00:27:23,806
I TOLD HER YOU WERE ALWAYS SKINNY,
428
00:27:23,806 --> 00:27:26,310
EVEN WHEN YOU WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL.
429
00:27:26,310 --> 00:27:28,812
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I LOOKED LIKE IN HIGH SCHOOL.
430
00:27:28,812 --> 00:27:30,314
I LIVE IN MICHAEL'S OLD ROOM, REMEMBER?
431
00:27:31,815 --> 00:27:33,817
WITH ALL HIS OLD HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOKS.
432
00:27:33,817 --> 00:27:35,319
PICTURES OF YOU.
433
00:27:36,821 --> 00:27:38,323
YOU WERE A GEEK.
434
00:27:38,323 --> 00:27:39,824
I WAS NEVER A GEEK.
435
00:27:39,824 --> 00:27:41,826
THEN EXPLAIN CHEMISTRY CLUB.
436
00:27:42,327 --> 00:27:44,829
THAT'S WHERE I LEARNED TO BUILD THE BOMB TO BLOW UP THE SCHOOL.
437
00:27:46,832 --> 00:27:49,335
BUT MIKEY TALKED ME OUT OF IT.
438
00:27:49,335 --> 00:27:50,837
GOOD THING HE WAS AROUND.
439
00:27:54,341 --> 00:27:55,842
I BET YOU WISH HE WAS HERE RIGHT NOW.
440
00:27:55,842 --> 00:27:57,845
WOULD YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT HIM?
441
00:27:59,347 --> 00:28:01,349
I BET YOU'RE SECRETLY WISHING
442
00:28:01,349 --> 00:28:03,351
THAT THE PHONE WOULD RING AND IT WOULD BE HIM...
443
00:28:03,351 --> 00:28:04,852
I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP.
444
00:28:09,858 --> 00:28:10,859
HIS LIFE...
445
00:28:12,361 --> 00:28:13,862
WAS JUST GOING TO HANG THERE LIKE SOME SHIRT
446
00:28:13,862 --> 00:28:16,365
IN THE CLOSET YOU NEVER WEAR.
447
00:28:16,365 --> 00:28:17,866
SO YOU PUSHED HIM AWAY.
448
00:28:17,866 --> 00:28:20,370
IT WAS THE ONLY COURSE OF ACTION.
449
00:28:20,370 --> 00:28:22,872
YEAH, BUT NOW HE HATES YOU.
450
00:28:22,872 --> 00:28:24,374
THAT'S OKAY. AS LONG AS MIKEY'S HAPPY.
451
00:28:26,877 --> 00:28:29,381
GOD, YOU MUST REALLY LOVE HIM.
452
00:28:32,884 --> 00:28:34,886
I THINK IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO GO.
453
00:28:36,388 --> 00:28:37,889
IT ALWAYS IS.
454
00:28:39,892 --> 00:28:42,395
LUCKILY, YOU CAN'T PUSH ME AWAY.
455
00:28:46,899 --> 00:28:47,900
I'M ON TO YOU.
456
00:29:22,940 --> 00:29:24,942
EMMETT, YOU CAME.
457
00:29:24,942 --> 00:29:25,943
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.
458
00:29:26,444 --> 00:29:28,446
HI, I'M TY AND I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT.
459
00:29:28,446 --> 00:29:29,947
COME ON, LET'S GO.
460
00:29:29,947 --> 00:29:31,449
HI, TY.
461
00:29:31,449 --> 00:29:33,952
OUR FIRST SPEAKER TONIGHT IS GINGER.
462
00:29:33,952 --> 00:29:35,954
AND SHE WAS FORMERLY IN THE DARK,
463
00:29:36,455 --> 00:29:37,957
BUT NOW SHE'S...
464
00:29:37,957 --> 00:29:38,958
SEEN THE LIGHT.
465
00:29:42,462 --> 00:29:45,466
BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I, UH, USED TO BE A LESBIAN.
466
00:29:45,466 --> 00:29:46,967
USED TO BE?
467
00:29:46,967 --> 00:29:48,969
BUT THANKS TO TY AND
468
00:29:48,969 --> 00:29:50,471
EVERY BEAUTIFUL PERSON HERE,
469
00:29:50,471 --> 00:29:52,973
I'VE SHED MY FORMER CORRUPT SELF
470
00:29:52,973 --> 00:29:57,979
AND BECOME THE NEW, PURIFIED HETEROSEXUAL ME.
471
00:30:02,984 --> 00:30:03,985
AS YOU CAN SEE,
472
00:30:03,985 --> 00:30:06,489
THE ONLY THING THAT COMES OUT HERE IS THE TRUTH.
473
00:30:06,489 --> 00:30:08,991
YOU DIDN'T TELL ME THIS WAS A COMEDY CLUB. EMMETT.
474
00:30:08,991 --> 00:30:11,994
I CAN TELL YOU, AND GINGER CAN TELL YOU,
475
00:30:11,994 --> 00:30:15,500
THAT WHAT YOU'RE ALL HOPING AND PRAYING FOR
476
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:18,002
IS NOT AN IMPOSSIBLE DREAM.
477
00:30:18,002 --> 00:30:20,004
IT CAN COME TRUE FOR YOU,
478
00:30:20,004 --> 00:30:23,007
THE SAME WAY IT'S COME TRUE FOR US.
479
00:30:23,508 --> 00:30:26,011
YOU CAN CHANGE, YOU CAN CHANGE,
480
00:30:26,011 --> 00:30:28,013
YOU CAN CHANGE.
481
00:30:28,013 --> 00:30:30,015
I'D START WITH THOSE SHOES.
482
00:30:34,019 --> 00:30:35,020
YOU.
483
00:30:36,523 --> 00:30:38,024
UH, M-ME?
484
00:30:38,024 --> 00:30:39,025
YOU'VE GOT YOUR DOUBTS, DON'T YOU?
485
00:30:41,027 --> 00:30:43,530
WELL, LET ME ASK YOU A FEW QUESTIONS.
486
00:30:43,530 --> 00:30:46,032
DO YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS OBSESS ABOUT YOUR BODIES
487
00:30:46,032 --> 00:30:47,535
AND THE BODIES OF OTHER MEN?
488
00:30:48,537 --> 00:30:49,538
CHECK OUT HIS PECS.
489
00:30:49,538 --> 00:30:51,039
THEY'RE, LIKE, PERFECT.
490
00:30:51,039 --> 00:30:53,041
THEY'RE, LIKE, IMPLANTS.
491
00:30:53,041 --> 00:30:56,044
DO YOUR CONVERSATIONS CENTRE AROUND TRIVIALITIES?
492
00:30:56,044 --> 00:30:59,048
SUCH AS, MOVIE STARS?
493
00:30:59,048 --> 00:31:01,551
DID YOU HEAR THAT CHER HAD HER PUSSY TIGHTENED?
494
00:31:01,551 --> 00:31:03,052
WHERE'D YOU READ THAT? "THE ENQUIRER"
495
00:31:03,553 --> 00:31:04,554
OR "POPULAR MECHANICS"?
496
00:31:05,054 --> 00:31:07,056
ARE YOUR DAYS AND NIGHTS SPENT AT THE GYM
497
00:31:07,056 --> 00:31:08,559
AND IN BARS?
498
00:31:08,559 --> 00:31:11,562
GOING HOME WITH MEN WHOSE NAMES YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW?
499
00:31:11,562 --> 00:31:16,066
SO HE'S COMING AND HE'S GOING, "FRED, FRED!"
500
00:31:16,066 --> 00:31:18,068
FRED, WHO'S FRED?
501
00:31:18,068 --> 00:31:21,072
IF SO, MAYBE YOU SHOULD ASK YOURSELF,
502
00:31:21,072 --> 00:31:23,575
"IS THIS THE LIFE I WANT FOR ME?"
503
00:31:23,575 --> 00:31:26,078
"IS THIS THE LIFE GOD WANTS FOR ME?"
504
00:31:28,581 --> 00:31:30,083
"IS THERE A BETTER LIFE?"
505
00:31:34,087 --> 00:31:35,589
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING?
506
00:31:36,089 --> 00:31:38,091
YEAH, MY BEACH BALL ALARM CLOCK.
507
00:31:42,096 --> 00:31:46,100
THIS CLOCK IS FROM THE MUSEUM OF MODERN ART DESIGN COLLECTION.
508
00:31:48,603 --> 00:31:50,104
I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS IS MY PLACE TOO.
509
00:31:50,605 --> 00:31:52,107
IT IS.
510
00:31:52,107 --> 00:31:53,609
WELL, HOW COME I DON'T SEE ANY OF MY THINGS?
511
00:32:00,116 --> 00:32:02,119
MICHAEL, UH, YOU KNOW, YOUR THINGS,
512
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:04,622
YOUR TOYS? THEY'RE, THEY'RE...
513
00:32:04,622 --> 00:32:07,124
THEY'RE CUTE, THEY'RE CUTE LIKE YOU.
514
00:32:07,625 --> 00:32:09,627
BUT YOU KNOW, THEY S...
515
00:32:09,627 --> 00:32:10,628
THEY SORT OF DON'T BELONG.
516
00:32:15,133 --> 00:32:17,636
LET ME EXPLAIN IT BY SAYING THAT...
517
00:32:17,636 --> 00:32:20,138
THIS IS AN ARCHITECTURAL HOUSE.
518
00:32:20,639 --> 00:32:22,642
EVERYTHING HAS ITS PLACE.
519
00:32:22,642 --> 00:32:24,644
SO, IF YOU CLUTTER IT UP,
520
00:32:24,644 --> 00:32:26,145
IT RUINS THE AESTHETIC.
521
00:32:26,145 --> 00:32:28,648
OH, SO I'M "CLUTTERING IT UP".
522
00:32:28,648 --> 00:32:29,649
NO! OH...
523
00:32:30,650 --> 00:32:32,151
I DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY.
524
00:32:32,652 --> 00:32:35,156
THEY'RE NOT JUST TOYS.
525
00:32:35,156 --> 00:32:36,658
OKAY, SOME OF THEM ARE COLLECTOR'S ITEMS,
526
00:32:36,658 --> 00:32:38,660
LIKE MY JAPANESE ROBOTS.
527
00:32:38,660 --> 00:32:41,162
OR... OR MY BAKELITE BATMOBILE.
528
00:32:41,162 --> 00:32:42,664
THAT WAS MADE DURING WORLD WAR TWO,
529
00:32:42,664 --> 00:32:44,667
WHEN METAL WAS SCARCE.
530
00:32:46,168 --> 00:32:50,172
AND... EVEN IF THEY WERE WORTHLESS,
531
00:32:52,174 --> 00:32:55,679
THEY WOULD STILL BE WORTH SOMETHING TO ME.
532
00:32:55,679 --> 00:32:57,180
BECAUSE I LOVE THEM.
533
00:33:00,183 --> 00:33:01,184
I KIND OF THOUGHT YOU KNEW THAT.
534
00:33:15,702 --> 00:33:17,203
LOOK, I JUST,
535
00:33:17,203 --> 00:33:19,706
I JUST GOT YOUR PHONE CALL.
536
00:33:19,706 --> 00:33:21,708
I LIT-LITERALLY RAN OVER HERE.
537
00:33:21,708 --> 00:33:23,710
SO, WHAT IS THE EMERGENCY?
538
00:33:23,710 --> 00:33:25,211
HIM.
539
00:33:25,211 --> 00:33:27,214
HE'S HERE EVERY DAY NOW, SHOWING UP FOR MEALS.
540
00:33:27,214 --> 00:33:29,216
WE'RE SUDDENLY ONE BIG HAPPY FUCKING FAMILY.
541
00:33:30,217 --> 00:33:31,218
I DON'T KNOW,
542
00:33:31,719 --> 00:33:33,721
I SENSE SOME TENSION BETWEEN YOU AND MEL.
543
00:33:35,723 --> 00:33:38,727
WELL, SHE BLAMES ME FOR EVERYTHING.
544
00:33:38,727 --> 00:33:39,728
INCLUDING YOU.
545
00:33:41,730 --> 00:33:44,733
YOU SHOULD HAVE KEPT YOUR PROMISE TO GIVE HER GUS.
546
00:33:44,733 --> 00:33:46,736
IF SHE WANTS A KID, SHE CAN HAVE ONE OF HER OWN.
547
00:33:46,736 --> 00:33:47,738
NO, SHE CAN'T.
548
00:33:49,239 --> 00:33:51,241
GUS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HERS AND MINE.
549
00:33:51,241 --> 00:33:52,743
NOT YOURS AND MINE.
550
00:33:54,745 --> 00:33:56,246
WELL, LINDSAY'S ALWAYS COMPLAINING
551
00:33:56,246 --> 00:33:57,748
HE NEVER SPENDS ENOUGH TIME WITH GUS.
552
00:33:58,249 --> 00:33:59,250
OH, YOU'RE A BIG HELP.
553
00:33:59,751 --> 00:34:00,752
CAN'T YOU DO SOMETHING?
554
00:34:00,752 --> 00:34:01,753
LIKE WHAT?
555
00:34:02,253 --> 00:34:03,254
LIKE GET HIM AND MICHAEL BACK TOGETHER
556
00:34:03,254 --> 00:34:05,256
SO HE WILL LEAVE US ALONE.
557
00:34:05,256 --> 00:34:07,258
ARE YOU KIDDING? YOU EVEN MENTION MICHAEL'S NAME,
558
00:34:07,759 --> 00:34:08,761
HE'LL TEAR YOUR HEAD OFF.
559
00:34:09,261 --> 00:34:10,763
YEAH? WELL THAT'S WHAT I'M ABOUT TO DO TO HIM.
560
00:34:10,763 --> 00:34:12,264
SHE ALSO THINKS I'VE TURNED INTO
561
00:34:12,264 --> 00:34:15,267
THIS COLD, UNRESPONSIVE BITCH.
562
00:34:15,768 --> 00:34:16,268
HAVE YOU?
563
00:34:18,771 --> 00:34:19,773
MAYBE A LITTLE.
564
00:34:21,274 --> 00:34:23,277
WELL THEN YOU SHOULD FIND YOURSELF SOME NICE,
565
00:34:23,277 --> 00:34:26,280
FUZZY LEZZIE WITH A THERAPIST'S LICENSE AND WORK IT OUT.
566
00:34:26,781 --> 00:34:27,782
THAT'S WHAT MEL WANTS.
567
00:34:29,283 --> 00:34:30,285
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
568
00:34:32,788 --> 00:34:33,789
I WANT...
569
00:34:34,790 --> 00:34:36,792
I...
570
00:34:41,798 --> 00:34:43,299
I WANT A BAGEL.
571
00:34:43,299 --> 00:34:45,301
AND AFTER THAT, I DON'T KNOW.
572
00:34:45,301 --> 00:34:46,302
ALL I KNOW IS THAT...
573
00:34:49,305 --> 00:34:51,308
IF I TALK, I MIGHT SAY SOMETHING I REGRET.
574
00:34:52,810 --> 00:34:54,812
IT MIGHT BE GOOD FOR YOU.
575
00:34:55,312 --> 00:34:56,814
LET OUT SOME OF THOSE NASTY DEMONS.
576
00:34:56,814 --> 00:34:58,316
BUT I'M NOT LIKE THAT.
577
00:34:58,316 --> 00:34:59,818
SEE, I'M A WASP.
578
00:34:59,818 --> 00:35:01,319
FROM A FAMILY OF WASPS.
579
00:35:03,322 --> 00:35:05,825
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT, I-I'LL TAKE HIM TO THE TEA-DANCE AT WOODY'S.
580
00:35:05,825 --> 00:35:06,826
GREAT IDEA.
581
00:35:07,326 --> 00:35:08,828
THANKS, TEDDY. YEAH.
582
00:35:08,828 --> 00:35:11,330
I'M NOT REALLY DOING IT FOR YOU, YOU KNOW.
583
00:35:11,330 --> 00:35:12,331
HANGING WITH BRIAN...
584
00:35:13,834 --> 00:35:15,836
BEST THING THAT'S EVER HAPPENED TO MY SEX LIFE.
585
00:35:17,337 --> 00:35:19,840
VIDEO TAPE SPECIAL TODAY, 10 PACK...
586
00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:20,841
SEE YA, MARLEY.
587
00:35:21,341 --> 00:35:21,842
BYE, TRACE.
588
00:35:26,848 --> 00:35:27,348
BYE, MR. NOVOTNY.
589
00:35:31,853 --> 00:35:32,353
TRACY!
590
00:35:34,858 --> 00:35:36,860
YES, MR. NOVOTNY?
591
00:35:36,860 --> 00:35:39,362
WOULD YOU STOP CALLING ME THAT, PLEASE?
592
00:35:39,362 --> 00:35:41,364
WHAT SHOULD I CALL YOU?
593
00:35:41,364 --> 00:35:43,867
WELL, I'M SURE YOU COULD THINK OF A FEW THINGS.
594
00:35:44,869 --> 00:35:45,870
I HAVE TO GO.
595
00:35:47,371 --> 00:35:49,373
YOU DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE YOUR JOB.
596
00:35:49,373 --> 00:35:52,376
IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE BIG DOLLAR MART?
597
00:35:52,376 --> 00:35:55,380
WELL, IT'S NOT EXACTLY THE BIG Q.
598
00:35:55,380 --> 00:35:57,382
NO, BUT AT LEAST PEOPLE SEEM HONEST THERE.
599
00:36:00,886 --> 00:36:03,388
YOU PROBABLY THINK THIS IS ALL ABOUT YOU BEING GAY, DON'T YOU?
600
00:36:05,390 --> 00:36:08,395
WELL, I ADMIT, IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN AT FIRST.
601
00:36:09,897 --> 00:36:11,899
BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT ANY MORE.
602
00:36:11,899 --> 00:36:14,401
WHETHER YOU'RE GAY OR YOU'RE STRAIGHT,
603
00:36:14,401 --> 00:36:15,903
I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS.
604
00:36:15,903 --> 00:36:17,906
WE ARE. WELL, FRIENDS TRUST EACH OTHER.
605
00:36:19,908 --> 00:36:21,409
WHAT DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU TOLD ME?
606
00:36:21,910 --> 00:36:23,411
THAT I'D TELL EVERYONE AT THE STORE?
607
00:36:25,413 --> 00:36:26,916
I WOULDN'T HAVE, MIKE.
608
00:36:28,417 --> 00:36:29,418
DON'T YOU KNOW THAT?
609
00:36:31,420 --> 00:36:31,921
I SHOULD'VE.
610
00:36:33,923 --> 00:36:36,425
BUT WHEN YOU SPEND YOUR ENTIRE LIFE KEEPING IT A SECRET...
611
00:36:37,928 --> 00:36:40,430
WHO YOU REALLY ARE,
612
00:36:40,931 --> 00:36:42,432
YOU LEARN TO STOP TRUSTING PEOPLE
613
00:36:42,432 --> 00:36:44,435
AND IT BECOMES SECOND NATURE.
614
00:36:47,939 --> 00:36:49,441
IT KILLS ME THAT I HURT YOU, TRACE,
615
00:36:49,441 --> 00:36:51,443
AND I'D DO ANYTHING TO TAKE THAT BACK.
616
00:36:53,445 --> 00:36:55,447
I KNOW I DON'T DESERVE TO ASK THIS...
617
00:36:57,449 --> 00:36:59,452
BUT DO YOU THINK WE COULD STILL BE FRIENDS?
618
00:37:01,454 --> 00:37:03,456
DO YOU THINK WE COULD BE FRIENDS?
619
00:37:07,961 --> 00:37:11,465
WELL, WHY DON'T WE GO HAVE A CUP OF BIG Q COFFEE AND FIND OUT?
620
00:37:12,967 --> 00:37:13,968
I'D LIKE THAT.
621
00:37:13,968 --> 00:37:14,969
BUT I-I REALLY DO HAVE TO GO.
622
00:37:16,470 --> 00:37:17,471
I HAVE A DATE.
623
00:37:19,474 --> 00:37:20,476
IS HE STRAIGHT?
624
00:37:31,989 --> 00:37:34,491
AT LAST, NOW WE HAVE THE HOUSE TO OURSELF,
625
00:37:34,491 --> 00:37:35,492
ALONE.
626
00:37:39,496 --> 00:37:43,501
OH, BY THE WAY, JANET AND THAT DICKHEAD HUSBAND OF HERS,
627
00:37:43,501 --> 00:37:45,003
THEY FINALLY SENT US A CARD
628
00:37:45,003 --> 00:37:47,005
CONGRATULATING US ON GUS.
629
00:37:47,005 --> 00:37:48,506
ONLY TOOK THREE MONTHS.
630
00:37:53,512 --> 00:37:55,515
YOU EXPECT TOO MUCH, MEL.
631
00:37:55,515 --> 00:37:56,516
WHAT?
632
00:37:58,018 --> 00:38:00,020
I SAID YOU EXPECT TOO MUCH.
633
00:38:00,020 --> 00:38:03,524
THAT MY SISTER COULD AT LEAST ACKNOWLEDGE THE BIRTH OF OUR SON?
634
00:38:03,524 --> 00:38:05,526
OF ME.
635
00:38:05,526 --> 00:38:07,528
YOU WANT ALL MY TIME, MY DEVOTION
636
00:38:07,528 --> 00:38:09,530
AND IF YOU DON'T GET IT, YOU THINK WE HAVE A PROBLEM.
637
00:38:11,032 --> 00:38:13,035
YOU GET ANGRY THAT I SEE THE BABY MORE THAN YOU.
638
00:38:13,035 --> 00:38:15,537
YOU BLAME ME BECAUSE BRIAN WOULDN'T GIVE YOU PARENTAL RIGHTS,
639
00:38:15,537 --> 00:38:18,040
I SUPPOSE IT'S EVEN MY FAULT THAT I CAN HAVE A CHILD AND YOU CAN'T.
640
00:38:18,540 --> 00:38:20,542
HEY, THAT'S NOT FAIR.
641
00:38:20,542 --> 00:38:23,045
I FEEL LIKE I SPEND HALF MY LIFE APOLOGIZING TO YOU,
642
00:38:23,546 --> 00:38:25,548
TRYING TO CONVINCE YOU THAT I LOVE YOU.
643
00:38:27,550 --> 00:38:29,052
ONLY NOTHING'S EVER ENOUGH.
644
00:38:31,555 --> 00:38:34,058
I'M STARTING TO WONDER IF ANYTHING EVER COULD BE.
645
00:38:51,077 --> 00:38:53,079
WELL, I ASKED YOU TO TALK, AND YOU DID.
646
00:39:17,607 --> 00:39:20,110
I TELL YOU, HANGING WITH BRIAN IS EXHAUSTING.
647
00:39:21,611 --> 00:39:24,614
BUT IT'S WORTH IT FOR THE SEX.
648
00:39:24,614 --> 00:39:26,616
YOU'RE HAVING SEX WITH BRIAN?
649
00:39:26,616 --> 00:39:28,619
OF COURSE NOT.
650
00:39:28,619 --> 00:39:30,121
WE HAVE SYMBIOSIS.
651
00:39:30,121 --> 00:39:31,622
OH MY GOD.
652
00:39:31,622 --> 00:39:33,124
IS THERE ANYTHING THEY CAN DO?
653
00:39:33,124 --> 00:39:34,625
YOU MUSTN'T GIVE UP HOPE.
654
00:39:34,625 --> 00:39:36,127
IT'S NOT A DISEASE,
655
00:39:36,627 --> 00:39:38,130
IT'S A PERFECT RELATIONSHIP.
656
00:39:38,130 --> 00:39:39,631
YOU KNOW, LIKE, UH,
657
00:39:40,132 --> 00:39:41,133
THE YELLOW TICK BIRD AND THE RHINOCEROS.
658
00:39:43,136 --> 00:39:45,638
THE YELLOW TICK BIRD FEEDS ON PARASITES
659
00:39:45,638 --> 00:39:48,141
ON THE RHINO'S SKIN, AND IN TURN,
660
00:39:48,141 --> 00:39:50,644
THE RHINO IS WARNED OF IMPENDING DANGER
661
00:39:50,644 --> 00:39:53,147
WHEN THE TICK BIRD FLIES AWAY.
662
00:39:53,147 --> 00:39:57,151
SIMILARLY, I SUPPLY BRIAN
663
00:39:57,151 --> 00:39:59,154
WITH AN OBJECT OF SCORN AND RIDICULE,
664
00:39:59,154 --> 00:40:01,156
NAMELY MYSELF,
665
00:40:01,156 --> 00:40:03,158
AND HE SUPPLIES ME
666
00:40:03,658 --> 00:40:05,160
WITH UNWANTED TICKS,
667
00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:06,661
UH, TRICKS.
668
00:40:07,162 --> 00:40:08,663
YOU'RE DOING THIS FOR CASTOFFS?
669
00:40:08,663 --> 00:40:12,668
WELL, IN BED YOU CAN'T TELL.
670
00:40:12,668 --> 00:40:13,669
THEY'RE AS GOOD AS NEW.
671
00:40:15,671 --> 00:40:19,676
TED, HAVE YOU EVER ASKED YOURSELF...
672
00:40:21,179 --> 00:40:24,182
"IS... IS GOING TO TEA-DANCES WITH BRIAN AND...
673
00:40:24,182 --> 00:40:26,684
HAVING INDISCRIMINATE SEX WITH COUNTLESS STRANGERS
674
00:40:26,684 --> 00:40:29,187
REALLY THE LIFE I WANT?"
675
00:40:29,187 --> 00:40:32,191
I HAVE. AND THE ANSWER IS,
676
00:40:32,191 --> 00:40:33,692
"YOU BET YOUR ASS IT IS."
677
00:40:35,694 --> 00:40:37,196
HAVE YOU... HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED,
678
00:40:37,196 --> 00:40:39,198
"IS THIS THE LIFE GOD WANTS FOR ME?"
679
00:40:39,198 --> 00:40:43,203
WELL, I SUPPOSE IN HIS INFINITE WISDOM,
680
00:40:43,203 --> 00:40:45,205
HE DECIDED SOMEBODY HAD TO LIVE IN PITTSBURGH.
681
00:40:47,207 --> 00:40:49,209
HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED "IS...
682
00:40:49,209 --> 00:40:51,211
IS THERE A BETTER LIFE?"
683
00:40:51,711 --> 00:40:52,214
YEAH.
684
00:40:53,715 --> 00:40:55,717
I COULD HAVE A 10-INCH DICK AND LOOK LIKE HIM.
685
00:40:57,719 --> 00:40:59,221
WELL, WHO WOULDN'T WANT THAT?
686
00:41:20,744 --> 00:41:22,246
HI.
687
00:41:23,247 --> 00:41:24,749
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
688
00:41:24,749 --> 00:41:26,751
LOOKING FOR YOU.
689
00:41:26,751 --> 00:41:28,254
WELL, HOW'D YOU FIND ME?
690
00:41:28,254 --> 00:41:30,756
WELL, FIRST I ASKED YOUR MOM, THEN I CALLED DAVID.
691
00:41:30,756 --> 00:41:32,258
IS THERE ANYONE YOU DIDN'T ASK?
692
00:41:32,258 --> 00:41:34,260
THEN I ASKED BRIAN.
693
00:41:34,260 --> 00:41:35,262
WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR?
694
00:41:35,262 --> 00:41:37,764
LOOK, JUST BUTT OUT.
695
00:41:37,764 --> 00:41:39,266
I TOLD YOU BEFORE, THIS IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
696
00:41:39,766 --> 00:41:43,270
YEAH, HE SAID THAT WHENEVER YOU FEEL SAD OR UPSET,
697
00:41:43,270 --> 00:41:44,771
THIS IS WHERE YOU COME.
698
00:41:45,273 --> 00:41:47,275
THAT JUST BEING AROUND ALL THESE COMICS
699
00:41:47,275 --> 00:41:49,277
BRINGS THE LIGHT INTO YOUR EYES.
700
00:41:51,779 --> 00:41:53,781
HE SAID THAT?
701
00:41:53,781 --> 00:41:55,784
I GUESS HE KNOWS YOU PRETTY WELL.
702
00:41:55,784 --> 00:41:56,785
WELL, HE DOESN'T KNOW ME ANY MORE.
703
00:42:00,289 --> 00:42:01,790
YEAH.
704
00:42:01,790 --> 00:42:04,294
THAT IS WHY HE GOT YOU THIS.
705
00:42:06,296 --> 00:42:09,300
I TOLD HIM ALREADY, I DON'T WANT HIS CRUMMY PRESENT.
706
00:42:09,300 --> 00:42:10,301
WAIT!
707
00:42:12,803 --> 00:42:13,804
HE MISSES YOU.
708
00:42:13,804 --> 00:42:15,306
HE'S MISERABLE WITHOUT YOU.
709
00:42:15,306 --> 00:42:17,809
WELL GOOD, HE DESERVES TO BE.
710
00:42:17,809 --> 00:42:19,811
HE LOVES YOU.
711
00:42:19,811 --> 00:42:20,812
HE'LL NEVER ADMIT IT, BUT HE DOES.
712
00:42:20,812 --> 00:42:21,813
BRIAN... YOU KNOW THAT.
713
00:42:21,813 --> 00:42:24,316
BRIAN DOESN'T LOVE ANYONE.
714
00:42:24,316 --> 00:42:27,319
HE DOESN'T BELIEVE IN LOVE, REMEMBER?
715
00:42:27,319 --> 00:42:29,322
YOU'RE THE EXCEPTION.
716
00:42:29,322 --> 00:42:31,824
THAT'S WHY HE HURT YOU, SO YOU'D GO BACK WITH DAVID.
717
00:42:33,326 --> 00:42:35,328
HE KNEW IF HE DIDN'T, YOU'D BE WAITING FOR HIM FOREVER.
718
00:42:35,828 --> 00:42:36,829
THAT'S BULLSHIT.
719
00:42:38,332 --> 00:42:40,335
THIS WAS HIS WAY OF SAYING GOODBYE.
720
00:42:42,837 --> 00:42:44,839
WE'VE GOT SOME NEW FRIENDS TO MEET TONIGHT,
721
00:42:45,340 --> 00:42:47,842
WHOSE DARK WORLD IS ABOUT TO BE ILLUMINATED.
722
00:42:47,842 --> 00:42:50,846
AND AFTERWARDS, I INVITE YOU ALL TO GATHER IN THE FOYER
723
00:42:50,846 --> 00:42:52,848
AND HAVE SOME INCREDIBLE BROWNIES
724
00:42:52,848 --> 00:42:54,850
BAKED BY MY INCREDIBLE WIFE.
725
00:42:56,352 --> 00:42:57,853
SO, LET'S GET STARTED.
726
00:43:01,858 --> 00:43:03,360
HI. I-I'M DON.
727
00:43:04,361 --> 00:43:06,363
HI, DON.
728
00:43:06,363 --> 00:43:09,366
UM, HOW I GOT HERE IS A... A LONG STORY,
729
00:43:09,366 --> 00:43:11,869
BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE I'M HERE,
730
00:43:13,871 --> 00:43:14,873
I'VE SEEN THE LIGHT.
731
00:43:15,374 --> 00:43:16,375
GREAT!
732
00:43:21,881 --> 00:43:23,883
HI, I'M EMMETT.
733
00:43:23,883 --> 00:43:25,885
HI, EMMETT.
734
00:43:25,885 --> 00:43:27,887
AND I, UH, I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT...
735
00:43:30,390 --> 00:43:32,393
I WANT TO SEE THE LIGHT, TOO.
736
00:44:08,433 --> 00:44:11,436
WHAT'RE YOU DOING HERE? YOU'RE MARRIED NOW.
737
00:44:11,436 --> 00:44:13,438
I CAN STILL LOOK.
738
00:44:13,438 --> 00:44:15,941
YEAH, WELL WHAT'S THE GOOD OF LOOKING IF YOU CAN'T TOUCH?
739
00:44:20,446 --> 00:44:22,448
WANT A BEER? HOW MANY HAVE YOU HAD?
740
00:44:22,448 --> 00:44:24,951
A FEW. TOO MANY.
741
00:44:24,951 --> 00:44:26,954
KEEP TRACK OF THE DOCTOR, NOT ME.
742
00:44:29,457 --> 00:44:31,459
I NEVER THANKED YOU FOR MY GIFT.
743
00:44:31,959 --> 00:44:32,960
YOUR GIFT?
744
00:44:32,960 --> 00:44:35,964
YOUR WARD TRACKED ME DOWN, INSISTED THAT I TAKE IT.
745
00:44:35,964 --> 00:44:37,966
YEAH, WELL I'LL HAVE TO PUNISH HIM SEVERELY.
746
00:44:38,967 --> 00:44:40,969
IT'S THE NEATEST THING I EVER GOT.
747
00:44:40,969 --> 00:44:41,970
I THOUGHT SO.
748
00:44:46,976 --> 00:44:47,977
YOU WANT TO DANCE?
749
00:44:55,985 --> 00:44:57,988
IT FELT WEIRD, NOT TALKING TO YOU.
750
00:44:57,988 --> 00:44:58,989
WELL, I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
751
00:45:00,491 --> 00:45:01,993
I HEARD YOU WERE FREAKING OUT.
752
00:45:02,494 --> 00:45:03,495
YEAH, WHO TOLD YOU THAT?
753
00:45:03,995 --> 00:45:05,497
EVERYBODY, TED, LINDSAY...
754
00:45:05,497 --> 00:45:06,999
WELL, THEY'RE PATHOLOGICAL LIARS.
755
00:45:06,999 --> 00:45:08,000
I WOULDN'T TRUST THEM.
756
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:09,502
YOU ARE SO BUSTED.
757
00:45:09,502 --> 00:45:10,503
SO, HOW'S THE HAPPY COUPLE?
758
00:45:12,505 --> 00:45:13,506
ARE YOU REALLY INTERESTED?
759
00:45:13,506 --> 00:45:14,507
NOT IN THE SLIGHTEST.
760
00:45:17,511 --> 00:45:18,512
IT'S GOING TO BE FINE.
761
00:45:18,512 --> 00:45:20,013
EXCEPT HE DOESN'T KNOW THAT SUPERMAN DIES
762
00:45:20,514 --> 00:45:21,515
IN "THE CRISIS ON INFINITE EARTH"
763
00:45:22,015 --> 00:45:23,517
OR THAT BATGIRL IS NOW CRIPPLED IN A WHEELCHAIR
764
00:45:24,017 --> 00:45:25,519
AFTER BEING RAPED BY THE JOKER,
765
00:45:25,519 --> 00:45:29,023
OR... OR THAT FOR THAT ONE SPECIAL DAY IN 1970,
766
00:45:29,023 --> 00:45:31,526
CAPTAIN ASTRO BECAME ASTRO WOMAN.
767
00:45:32,026 --> 00:45:34,028
EXACTLY. YOU ARE SO PATHETIC.
768
00:45:34,028 --> 00:45:35,029
HEY!
769
00:45:44,541 --> 00:45:45,542
GIVE HIM TIME.
770
00:45:47,544 --> 00:45:48,545
HE'LL LEARN.
771
00:46:11,571 --> 00:46:14,074
HEY. HEY.
772
00:46:14,074 --> 00:46:16,577
I FEEL LIKE I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU ALL WEEKEND.
773
00:46:16,577 --> 00:46:17,578
YOU HAVEN'T.
774
00:46:18,078 --> 00:46:19,580
IN FACT, I THINK I PROBABLY SAW YOU MORE
775
00:46:19,580 --> 00:46:21,082
WHEN YOU DIDN'T LIVE HERE.
776
00:46:23,585 --> 00:46:26,087
I NOTICE YOU'VE BEEN DOING A LITTLE REDECORATING.
777
00:46:26,087 --> 00:46:29,090
AH, I FELT THE PLACE NEEDED A LITTLE WARMTH.
778
00:46:29,090 --> 00:46:31,593
A LITTLE CHARM, A LITTLE WHIMSY.
779
00:46:33,596 --> 00:46:34,597
A LITTLE YOU.
780
00:46:41,103 --> 00:46:43,607
WELL, I SUPPOSE WE COULD PUT SOME OF THIS STUFF AWAY.
781
00:46:48,613 --> 00:46:51,616
YOU KNOW, YOUR MOVING IN WAS A BIG CHANGE FOR ME, TOO.
782
00:46:51,616 --> 00:46:54,119
I SAW YOUR STUFF AND I SUDDENLY REALIZED...
783
00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:58,624
THAT I WAS "WE" AGAIN.
784
00:47:00,125 --> 00:47:03,630
THAT MY LIFE WAS NOW OUR LIFE.
785
00:47:06,132 --> 00:47:07,634
IT KIND OF FREAKED ME OUT.
786
00:47:10,637 --> 00:47:14,141
WELL, I'M GLAD TO KNOW I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO'S SCARED SHITLESS.
787
00:47:16,143 --> 00:47:17,144
YOU KNOW, I'VE, UH...
788
00:47:18,646 --> 00:47:20,648
BEEN READING YOUR COMICS.
789
00:47:20,648 --> 00:47:22,650
OH, YEAH? I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.
790
00:47:22,650 --> 00:47:25,154
I-I NEVER REALLY GOT A CHANCE TO DO THAT WHEN I WAS A KID.
791
00:47:25,154 --> 00:47:27,657
MY PARENTS WERE PRETTY STRICT.
792
00:47:28,157 --> 00:47:30,660
YOU PROBABLY HAD TO READ TOLSTOY AND STUFF LIKE THAT.
793
00:47:30,660 --> 00:47:32,662
ACTUALLY, THEY'RE KIND OF FUN.
794
00:47:34,664 --> 00:47:35,666
DID YOU KNOW...
795
00:47:37,668 --> 00:47:40,671
THAT FOR ONE SPECIAL DAY IN 1970,
796
00:47:40,671 --> 00:47:44,675
CAPTAIN ASTRO BECAME ASTRO WOMAN?
0
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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