All language subtitles for No Activity (2017) - 02x07 - By the Siege Side.METCON-ION10-AMZN.NTb.English.C.orig.Addic7ed.com

Previously on No Activity...

Did you ever meet somebody
and immediately know

you were gonna open a bar with them?

- No.
- That's what I'm feeling right here.

You're probably sensing
that I'm a Scientologist.

Correct.

You really would do
anything for me, huh?

Anything short of murder.

That softball team is the
epicenter of police corruption.

And we need you to find
out who the leader is.

Larry Turnbull, you're
under arrest. Cuff him.

He's like a hero.

There's some money that
gets moved around,

but that money goes
to worthwhile causes.

We pay for maternity
leave, paternity leave.

We pay for the soup kitchens.

- Cuff him.
- No.

- Don't do this.
- Do not do this to me. Give me...

Looks like this one got away, folks.

Marco, are you a fucking cop or not?!

I'm an FBI agent.

But it doesn't change the fact that

I am in love with you.

Sorry for yelling, but this is

a hostage situation.

- What?
- What?

Confirming siege perimeter set.

Two-block clearance.

- Copy?
- Snipers in position.

We have two hostages. Stand by, guys.

Alpha Bravo in position?

Alpha Bravo reporting
clear line of sight.

Copy that. Delta Tango?

Delta Tango reporting
clear line of sight.

Copy that.

Thank you, Demetri, you're the best.

Give the orphans a big hug for me, okay?

Okay.

Guys, got to get a few more
ducks in a few more rows.

That's all I got to do.

Actually, about 50 more ducks
in about 50 more fucking rows.

I'm losing it,

but I'm not gonna lose it. Sorry.

'Cause you guys are the best
hostages I've ever had.

I swear to God, you're so good,

and I don't deserve you.

I mean it, and I'm gonna give
you everything you need.

I just got to... tick a
few more things off.

Affairs in order.

Okay, this one's gonna be hard.

Barbara's a dummy.

Hello? Barbara.

Larry. Hey, do you have a pen?

Okay, write this down. I
need you to change my will.

I need you to split everything
between Doctors Without Borders

and the First Responders Memorial Fund.

Respond-ers.

I don't know what "Redonders" is.

Welcome to my life.

And I need you to get ahold of
Connie at the halfway house.

Tell her I can't play Santa this year.

But if they want the suit,

it's under my bed. They
can have it. God bless.

Get someone... a person
of color... to do Santa.

Yeah. We're the problem.

Gabe's Lasik, I'm gonna
send you money for that,

in addition to Dee and
Logan's tear tattoo removal.

I'm gonna Venmo you right now.

Give me the Venmo number.

Barbara, one...

Hold on a second. I want to go...

somewhere else for this.

Go ahead. Give me your Venmo.

Barbara?

One, two... ?

How did we end up here?
Larry's the best.

It was Cullen and Tolbeck.

They caught Larry, they called it in,

they started this whole fucking mess.

Fuck those guys.

♪ Oh, I do like to be
beside the siege-side ♪

♪ I do like to be beside the siege. ♪

Are you saying "seezh"?

- Yeah, siege.
- It's "seej."

- Siege.
- Siege.

You're saying "see-zhuh."

- That's how you say it.
- No, you say "seej."

Okay, Cullen, what's up your butt?

What's up my butt? Uh,
gee, l-let me think.

Oh, you. You're up my butt.

- Why?
- Wh... why?

I came here to help you, Tolbeck.

But you have not helped us in any way.

In fact, you've been an
obstacle every step of the way.

And now here we are, and
all this shit's going on,

and it's a big old fucking
mess that you made.

- I'm not gonna argue with you about this.
- I'm not gonna argue with you.

- You're just grumpy.
- And you know what?

I don't know why I'm surprised.

'Cause once again, I've been Tolbeck'd.

You Tolbeck'd me good and
you Tolbeck'd me hard.

Wait.

Tolbeck'd is a bad thing? Since when?

Oh, shit. Oh, I don't believe it.

It's fucking Greg from Port Security.

- Where?
- Shit, he's seen us.

Be asleep. Pretend to be asleep.

Oh.

Okay, I'm gonna open my eyes slowly

and see if he's coming up on us,

- okay?
- Okay.

- Opening...
- Uh-huh.

- ... slowly.
- Uh-huh.

- Open.
- Uh-huh.

- Yes.
- And?

He's staring at me.

What? He's staring at you?

- Yes.
- Are you looking at him?

I am looking at him.

So you're just staring at each other?

- Yes.
- Well, stop it.

You're pretending to be asleep.

My father did that for 40 years.

God, I miss him. Eh...

I'm coming in.

He's coming in.

Thank you for seeing me
on such short notice.

Forget it. He's in the car now.

Okay.

- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --

Alpha Bravo to Delta Tango.

You have eyes on northeast window?

Affirmative, Alpha Bravo.

I am seeing things clearly
for what they are.

Sorry, Delta Tango. Missed
that, please repeat.

Yes, Alpha Bravo.

I have a clear vantage point.

Not that you would care anyway.

Delta Tango, switch to three.

Switching to three.

Is there a problem, Alec?

Me? Why would I have a problem?

Well, you've been in a mood all day.

I've been in a moo...
I've been in a mood?

- Yeah, you know you have been.
- Maybe it's because

I didn't get a decent
night's sleep last night.

Oh, God, change the record.

I'm not like you, I can't just

show up to work and
pretend that I wasn't up

until 3:00 a.m. waiting
for you to come home

after your little date
with your newest project,

piss-drunk, slurring on
and on about threesomes.

I think Dr. Schaefer would commend me

for being the only spouse
in this relationship

who's trying to infuse a
little bit of surprise.

Oh, yes, he'd pin a gold
fucking star on your chest

for declaring your desire
for a unicorn at 3:00 a.m.

No, I think Dr. Schaefer would
say that's operating as a "me"

instead of a "we."

Have you ever once considered

what this would do to my status?

What do you mean, your status?

I'm a platinum star gay, Danny.

Alec, you've never been with a woman...

congratulations. Good for you.

Danny, for the last time,

that would make me a gold star gay.

I've never even touched vagina,

which is pretty fucking hard to do

when you're a male
cheerleader in college.

I was born via C-section.

Okay.

- Okay.
- Platinum star.

Wish you would've hung out with us.

You would love Fatima.

Fatima from Dispatch?

So you proposed the threesome?

No. No, no, no, no.

I didn't propose that. No.

We were just talking and, you know,

we were drinking, and then he told me

he was gay, and I...
well, I don't know...

I really liked him, so I
just started drinking more.

I-I... and then he told
me he had a husband,

so, like, more drinks.

I, like, made this joke
about... I don't know...

what if we, like, blindfolded ourselves

and, like, got together
and, like, had a threesome?

Yeah, so I then asked him

if he wanted to have a threesome.

Yeah, so...

Yeah, I guess I did propose it.

Well, I-I have some news, too.

And... not a pissing contest.

You have big news; mine is small.

Okay, and I'm not trying to
steal your thunder on this.

- No. No, no, no.
- Anyway...

Thanks for letting me
get it off my chest.

Of course. Little thing in my life:

I left the Church this morning.

- I left the Church.
- What?

Yeah, I have left Scientology
in the rearview mirror.

- This is huge.
- I think working here

- and working with you...
- Mm-hmm.

... it's really empowered me

to make a lot of big decisions.

It's funny,

I feel like the catalyst...

- ... at the end of the day, was...
- Mm-hmm.

Remember a couple days ago, I couldn't,

I couldn't find my highlighter.

And then you just kind of gave me a look

that just kind of summed up everything.

Like, that just sort of crystallized...

I could just tell what you were thinking

behind the eyes was just like,
"It's time for you to go.

"It's time for you to
step out on your own

"and just really stand
on your own two feet

"and leave that manipulative church

that's been suppressing
you for so long and... "

- Don't remember that.
- Yeah.

But there's, like, all these
wide-open opportunities now

that I'm so excited about.

Like drink... you mentioned drinking.

I can drink now.

- You should celebrate.
- Yeah.

- Here's to new opportunities, right?
- Clink.

Cheers.

Oh, my God, I'm tipsy, I'm loose.

I'm saying whatever comes into my mind,

like, why did I leave the Church?

Why did I leave the Church? It was...

It was my infrastructure,

it was my foundation. Why
did I do that? Ugh...

An impulse decision

that seems like it may be rooted
to something called "mania,"

that he should have medications for,

but his church never believed in them,

so things were really
spiraling out of control.

Yeah, maybe you should, like,

ease into, you know,
all these new things.

No, that was drunk me talking.

Drunk me doesn't know
what he's talking about.

Drunk me, he's...

But they'll be coming for me.

They'll be really coming for me.

Uh, Greg, if you don't
have business here,

we're gonna have to arrest you.
Do you understand that?

Listen, Detectives, there
is a big gaping, festering

hole in the siege perimeter.

But for two maverick detectives,

it's an advantage.

What if I told you,

you can end this siege,
you can save the hostages

without firing a single bullet?

And how do you propose we do that, Greg?

Well, first I need to
level with you guys.

I have lost my job at the docks

for microamping.

You guys ever do that?
Electro-dose yourself?

You know, you take your stun gun

and you turn it to the
lowest possible setting

and give yourself a little pick-me-up.

It's an open secret

in the security industry.

It's kind of like doping
at the Tour de France.

Everybody does it,

but if they catch you,
they got to fire you.

Hmm.

I was, uh, pretty messed up at the time.

That was, like...

21 days ago.

21 days since I zapped, so...

- Congratulations.
- That's great, man.

All the hair fell off my balls.

- Wow.
- It's a wake-up call, huh?

Should've been a wake-up call.

Right.

It's growing back.

One day at a time.

- You feel okay now, though, right?
- I feel good now.

Yeah, you look good.

You guys got stun guns on... ?

Not on us, no.

You have... access to them?

Not here.

We don't have any on the premises.

I'm jonesing a little bit.

Are you all feeling what
I'm feeling right now?

Can't believe it's Larry.

It's tough on us all.

Larry got me started on the force.

Yeah, me, too.

Let's hope you're not needed.

Ugh, still nothing.

Silence. No texts, no nothing.

He probably forgot. That's for the best.

I don't think the unicorn
life is for me anyway.

I should take it easy. It's fine.

Oh, shit, I forgot.
Your neighbor called,

and she wanted me to tell you,

um, your dog got out.

I'm so sorry. I forgot to tell you.

- Oh, no.
- Oh, no.

- Oh, no...
- Yeah, sorry, do you need to,

do you need to go... I don't know...

look for him or... ?

No, I don't need to go look for him.

He's never coming back. All he is

is bait in a trap.

Don't you get it? This is it.

This is the beginning,
this is the retaliation.

Wait, did I miss something?
Your dog got out...

Think the dog got out? No,
here's what happened.

A bunch of creeps in turtlenecks
with leather gloves on

snuck into my house. They took the dog.

And then they'll come
out and they'll grab me

and they'll take me someplace.

Someplace on the sea.

Someplace in the international waters

where there are no laws,
where you can, like, gamble

and stuff, but you can also murder.

And they'll do that and
they will take their time.

You believe me.

They'll heat up a hot poker on a fire

and they'll put it right
up my little asshole.

- Oh, my God.
- You got flowers, Zach.

Okay. That's a ni...

Well, who was that? Does
that person work here?

- I've never seen her before.
- Yes.

- No. How long has she worked here?
- That's Susan.

- That's Susan?
- I mean, I don't know.

That's as vague as I've ever heard.

- Got it.
- That's really sweet.

"Best wishes on your new journey.

May it bring you comfort and
peace. Love, the Sea Org."

That's a fine endorsement
of your decision.

It's great.

Nothing is just anything anymore.

Everything is something else

besides what it seems on the surface.

- Zach, they're just flowers.
- Shut up.

- Maybe there's a chance that...
- Why don't you just shut up?

You caused this whole situation.

You-you convinced me

- to quit the Church.
- I...

And you enchanted me,

and you don't know how to solve it,

so let me solve it.

What secrets do you hold?

What is going on with you?

Oh! Would you guys, uh,

talk about me on the radio real quick?

'Cause in case my wife... my ex-wife...

is listening, uh, just mention that,

uh, my weight is stable...

No.

Uh, say that I weigh the same
as I did in high school,

but kind of try to make
it conversational.

You know what, I would love
to do that, but we-we can't.

- We just can't.
- No, that's right.

- Right.
- Because I should move on.

And, uh, and I have

because I'm getting married.

- Oh, that's great. Congratulations.
- Great.

Thank you. Oh. Oh.

Say that. Uh, say, uh, on the radio say,

"I can't believe the wild mustang

"is getting lassoed
in less than a month.

Are you going to the wedding?"

And then the other guy say,

"Going? I'm the best man."

Oh, nice job, Greg.

Talk about letting the
cat out of the bag.

I was gonna invite you guys

to compete for best man status.

Give you ten minutes
each to make your case.

And go.

He'll do it.

I will do it, and I'll
be happy to do it,

but I got to tell you, I will cry a lot.

- Sorry.
- That's fine.

- Oh, Cullen.
- Mm?

- Uh, you can be ring bearer.
- Oh.

The wedding is in three weeks in Panama.

Ooh, Panama.

Yeah. Have you been?

- I have...
- Is it nice?

I have not been, but it sounds nice.

- Sounds nice?
- Who's the, uh, lucky lady, Greg?

I haven't settled on that detail.

No?

No, but there's a couple contenders.

Okay, okay, so you're not yet sure

who you're marrying in three weeks?

Well, it's Panama, right?

There's, like, two girls for every guy.

Anyway, I-I put the money on the venue

and it's nonrefundable, so...

And, get this,

I ordered 50,000 butterflies
for the reception.

- Hmm.
- Is that too many?

- Is it too many butterflies?
- Mm.

For a fictional wedding with
a bride you've never met

in a country you've never been to?

- Yeah.
- No, I would say double that.

- Double it, right?
- Right.

Yeah, because I want to make
a good first impression.

Point is, I want to look good for her

because I want to get a good,

young woman who wants
to be married to me,

and, uh, I don't want
anyone who speaks English.

The number one problem with most
relationships is communication.

- Right.
- And so my thought is,

if we can't talk

'cause we don't speak the same language,

then, then there's no issue.

There's no problem.

Flip the script.

- Right.
- And, uh, they say,

"Good fences make good neighbors."

And I think

that applies to marriages as well.

Can't wait for my ex-wife to hear

that I got remarried...

before her.

She said she's getting
married in, like, six weeks,

so I'm beating her by two weeks.

Okay, Mario, thanks.
And if you can arrange

for a wheelchair-accessible van

to pick Benny up after the
game, that'd be amazing.

Thanks, brother. Okay, bye.

Getting through it. Oh, my God,

thank you, guys, for your patience.

Tick that off.

You know what?

I'm gonna give you a break here.

I can't even believe
you've been in a gag

this whole time.

I don't have to have gags on you guys;

you guys have been cool,
and I should be cool back.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I've been neglectful, and you know what?

I bet you're hungry,
right? You want a bite?

- I mean... yeah, sure.
- Yeah.

- Something to drink?
- Yeah, yeah. I could eat something.

- That'd be great.
- I'll scare up an omelet or something.

- I'll be right back.
- Thank you, Larry.

- Thanks, Larry.
- I found basil.

Car 62 reporting no activity.

- Copy that.
- Car 33 reporting no activity.

Okay. Dispatch out.

Alpha Bravo to Dispatch.
Fatima, go to five.

Yeah... oh, co... uh, cop-copy that.

I had so much fun last night.

- Same.
- Look it.

I-I don't think Alec's into it.

Oh. Ah, you remembered.

- Cool.
- Oh, yeah.

Totally. I mean, you don't
forget somebody asking you

that kind of question,
grabbing onto your leg.

I did that, huh?

So, um, yeah, he's just not into it?

Yeah, it's some stupid status thing.

He's obsessed with his status.

Oh, well, yeah.

Um, win some, you lose some.

Maybe if you spoke to Alec,
you could convince him.

Uh, or maybe we just let it go.

Please, I-I really think if he
just heard how cool you were,

maybe he'd go for it.

Um, okay. Sure, yeah. Yeah, I'll try.

Okay, great. I-I'm gonna patch him in.

Go for Delta Tango.

Hey, sweetheart? Uh,

I have Fatima on the line.

I'm asking you just to listen to her.

Uh, hello?

Hi, Dugan.

Right.

But in my version,

a year and a half before,

I had Damon on the right
and Kinnear on the left.

- Which is much better.
- Okay. Final warning, Greg.

Y-You're gonna have to shit or
get off the pot of this car.

I choose to shit.

There's a sewer entry in the Laundromat

where the hostages are being held,

and the entranceway

is on the rooftop just
outside the perimeter, so...

Sorry... h-how do you know
about this so-called sewer?

Urban spelunking.

I'm a bit of a burrow hound.

A subterranean tube nut.

Yeah.

So, uh,

good with the plan?

"Good with the plan"?

Uh, no. A series of vague
directions is not a plan, Greg.

For the last time, get out.

Fine.

More plan for me.

Okay.

But, uh, before you say no,

ask yourself this: how
did I get here tonight?

I mean, how did he get
through the perimeter?

Is he suggesting he
used the sewer system?

Look, Cullen, he did smell like tunnel.

Ah!

- Are you okay?
- I was just gonna say "Aha.

Did you figure it out
yet?" But I hit my head.

Just...

Honestly?

Larry seems like a pretty good guy.

You know? I think as far
as hostage takers go,

we might get out of this okay.

So we need to start thinking
about what our next plan is.

Okay?

Why are you looking at me like that?

- Why am I looking at you like this?
- Yeah.

You're a huge liar and you're a cop.

I'm not a cop.

I'm an FBI agent.

I said something really big.

I put myself out there with you.

Yeah. You said "I'm in the FBI."

You're focusing on the wrong stuff.

I said that I loved you.

Guys, guys.

Guys, guys! Guys... hey, shh. Guys.

I don't want to be a pest or a bummer,

but that's too loud, okay?

- Okay.
- Common sense here.

Like a library.

- Okay?
- Sure, Larry.

- Got it.
- Friends at... friends at a library.

- Yes. Got it. Thank you, Larry.
- Food's coming.

- Food's coming.
- Thank-Thanks, Larry.

This is classic selfish Marco bullshit.

You come completely unprepared,

you don't think ahead... as usual,

I'm ten steps ahead. This was
a huge fucking oversight

- on your part.
- Can you even imagine

how many steps ahead I'm thinking

both as Marco and as Dustin?

- Clearly not enough.
- Do you... oh, please.

This is classic Frankie bullshit.

- Oh, fuck you.
- Walls around your heart.

- This is classic entitled...
- Too afraid to get...

- who hurt you, Frankie?
- ... Dustin bullshit.

Hey, Larry?

Hi. Could you just, uh,
re-gag me? I don't want to talk

- to this garbage monster anymore.
- What? No.

- No, no. No, no, no.
- Thank you.

- Okay.
- Babe, babe, babe, listen.

Don't call me "babe." Bye-bye.

What are you doing? Bye-bye?

You're not going anywhere.

He's just gagging you.

She doesn't want to talk.

We didn't even make a plan.

Oh. I know.

So, Tommy Lee Jones's character recurs

in the movie U.S. Marshals,
which I mentioned earlier.

But I didn't get to tell you
the entire plot of the movie.

- Larry?
- What you have to understand

is that Tommy Lee Jones
is a dogged investigator.

- Larry!
- There is a...

So go ahead. Convince me.

Um... I-I don't know.

Uh, maybe it would be fun.

Like, I, um,

could give you a massage,

and, uh, I have really strong hands.

Why do you really want to do this?

Alec, would you, please?

No, no, no, I get it. I get it.

He's hot. He's hot as shit.

Hotter than the fucking sun.

This... this feels like...

I feel like I'm, um, on Shark Tank,

and, um, I'm, like, pitching something.

Do-do you guys, um, watch Shark Tank?

No, I do not like Shark Tank.

Alec likes Shark Tank.

I have not watched any
of this past season.

- You have devoured it.
- Check the TiVo, Danny.

Do you want to go back to women?

Is that what this is all about?

No, it's not what it's about, Alec.

Just forget about it.
It's off. It's fine.

- Well, then, what is it, Danny?
- I just... I said forget about it.

Danny. Connection breath.

One, two, three.

Okay. Now talk to me.

I don't know, I just...

I've missed Mom so
much since she passed.

I think that's why.

Just... something about Fatima

really reminded me of her.

Yeah, your mom was the best.

I know this is weird, it just...

I wanted to be close
with her one more time.

I know that must be sick.
I-I can't even imagine

what Dr. Schaefer would say about this.

No, Danny.

This is your wounded
inner child speaking up.

And it's beautiful.

I'm in.

I love you.

Let's get Fatima on the line.

I'm still here.

Great. We're in.

Um, but I'm completely out.

What? What are you talking about?

I'm not into some weird

sleeping with your dead mom thing.

- That's...
- Oh, my Xenu.

It's you. Of course,

- of course. It's always been you.
- Zach.

Zach, shut up.

What are you talking
about? It's not like that.

Yeah, and if you knew his mother,

he's making real progress here.

You should be flattered.
His mother was the best.

Oh, yeah, the best.

Hey, yeah, I don't care
about his progress.

- Who are you talking to?
- I'm talking to no one.

Fatima, the mom thing is just for me.

Look, I'm not gonna, like, ask you

to dress up like her or anything.

Yeah, uh, no. I don't want to do it.

- I think it's really wrong.
- What are they saying?

They're not... I'm say...
I'm talking to...

They're not saying anything about you.

Hey. I'm sorry.

- And I made a mistake.
- Okay... Zach. Get off...

- I'm so sorry. I made a mistake.
- Zach, get off.

So that's the end of act two.

Right? Act three begins in Tex...

Forgot to ask. Any dietary restrictions

- I should know about?
- Ooh, yes.

Actually, I'm allergic to eggs.

Oh, my God. That's huge.

- It's very serious.
- I'm glad I asked. And you?

- Do you have any dietary restrictions?
- No. No, I eat everything.

Good. Okay.

M... oh, no. Don't have any charge.

Nobody ever has a charging
cable for a Droid.

Is there a cable anywhere in this place?

Wait, wait, wait, Larry,
get away from the window!

What?

I am, I'm coming back soon!

Alpha Bravo, we got a
figure in the window.

Is that Larry? Confirm.

I never should've left.

- Please give me another shot.
- Did he say "shot"?

Zach, stop it.

Hold your fire! Hold your fire!

Shit.

- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --

Guh-doosh.