Original subtitles

Okay, Mr. Gray, time to go away.

All right, that's it.

[pained grunt]

Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.

[sniffs] Oh.

What are you doing?

What the hell are you doing?

You're the one sniffing your fingers.

I was just getting - rid of my grays. - In the kitchen?

Yeah. It's the beauty of not living with a woman.

Wow. These, uh, all these hairs came out of your nose?

No. Lower.

Your chest?

Lower, around the back.

Your butt? Oh, yuck.

Man, what are you, a dandelion?

Yeah. Make a wish.[blows]

[screams]

Oh, God, man.

Ah! Do you even wipe?

That's what you get for spying on me.

Ah! Come on!

If I get pink eye, dude...

I wasn't spying on you.

I was simply admiring my super-duper handsome dad

through a camera lens.

Oh, boy, you're complimenting me.

What's that gonna cost?

Wh-Why-Why-Why--

Why do you always think I want something from you?

B-B-B-B-Because you always do.

So cut the crap. What do you want?

Well, hero, I have a wonderful opportunity

to win $50,000

at a festival by submitting a documentary

about something that inspires me.

It's gonna be a day in the life

of Damon "Poppa" Fulton Sr.

Right? Stylized, zooms, Dutch angles.

People talking to the camera.

Like a real documentary, like The Office.

He doesn't know that The Office is a TV show.

And I don't have the heart to tell him.

My dad thinks I'm stupid. I'm not, all right?

The Office is real.

And my documentary is called Icon: The Man Who Doesn't Quit.

I mean, he had me at "icon."

I knew I'd get him with "icon."

? Poppa's ?

? House ?

? Yeah. ?

Yes, delicious.

I love what I'm seeing, I love what I'm seeing.

Get it in my eyes. Yes. Most definitely.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Okay, that was great, that was great.

Now can you walk in one more time,

but, like, this time, a little more icon-y?

Icons don't repeat their walks.

The balloons should say "Happy Birthday,"

not "Sorry for your loss."

She's turning 16, not getting a hysterectomy.

Ow.

Sorry, I just sometimes hate being the boss.

Okay, well, uh, you're not the boss here, all right?

You're my P.A., so maybe could you focus?

Maybe I could focus if you maybe paid me?

I told that boy, rule number one:

Never work with your wife.

Good morning, Poppa.

What's going on here?

My son is shooting a documentary about me.

[gasps] Should I have powdered?

No. It's not about you.

- It's about me. - Oh.

Pay no attention to us little flies.

We're not even here. Buzz, buzz.

Buzz, buzz, b--

Not even here.

- Very stealthy. - Thanks.

I'm ready to do my promos.

Oh, no need. AI already did it.

AI? Allen Iverson did my promos?

[laughing]: No, watch this.

[dance beat playing]

Hey!

This is Big Poppa from Poppa's House,

and if you're anything like me,

a man of a certain age,

you get down when you can't get it up.

[chuckles] I've tried everything.

Hypnosis, yelling at it,

Popsicle sticks. Shoot.

And you know what they say:

Once it goes flat, mm, it never comes back.

[laughs]

At least that's what I thought until I tried these Upsies.

Now, I'm stiffer than a three-day-old corpse.

[laughs]

So, brother, when you get down, get these Upsies.

[spring sound effect]

Upsies. Upsies.

Upsies.

What in the Milli Vanilli is going on here?

I never said any of that.

And you never would. You hate recording promos.

Which is why we did it for you.

Think of all the time we'll save.

How do they think they can replace me

with artificial intelligence?

AI doesn't have what I have, which is EI:

Emotional intelligence.

This is so wrong.

No, this is the future, Poppa.

JUNIOR: Yes, give it to me, give it to me, give it to me.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, I'm loving this.

I'm loving this. So much confusion in the eyes.

Yes, do that. Drizzle it, tickle it.

Ah, yes.

Honey, hello? Earth to Nina? What are you doing?

Trying to lock down a five-foot chocolate lava fountain.

And if you say to swim in it,

I swear you will catch a boom to the head.

I'm sorry, honey, but can you focus on the task at hand?

Mr. Director, sidebar?

[both whispering]

JUNIOR: I just-- I understand.

[whispering]

Everyone, I have great news.

Uh, our P.A. is no longer a production assistant,

she is now a full-on producer. Studio head.

JUNIOR: Studio head. She's a studio head.

Uh, and first order of her new position

is for me to, and I quote, "shut my fat mouth."

Yes, thank you for the clarification, honey.

I love that.

Zipping the fatty.[laughs]

I love working with my wife. It's so easy.

? ?

Can you believe

they're using artificial intelligence

to make me say things I would never, ever say?

Yeah, "yelling at it"?

"Popsicle sticks"? Really?

Yeah, sometimes you got to splint it.

Anyway,

I'm gonna sue them.

Okay, okay, calm down.

It is a new world, Fred Flintstone, okay?

And AI is our friend, it's gonna help people.

Right, help them be unemployed.

Because that's their endgame.

Soon, it's gonna be four guys with eight Popsicle sticks,

pressing buttons, controlling the world.

Okay, here we go with the conspiracy theories.

Now listen, I know that this is really, really hard for you.

[laughing]

[cackling]

You get it? You see, I told you I was hilarious.

Look, this is no time for your unfunny jokes.

This thing has got me feeling very...

Impotent.

[cackles]

[snorts, laughs]

Okay, Grand Canyon. [mocking laugh, snorts]

[snorting]

What is that supposed to mean?

I don't know. You're the funny one.

What do you think it means?

Well, it feels like it has many meanings.

Oh, yeah. Well, go ahead and pick one.

Okay, well, to me it means...

I'm one of the wonders of the world.

Okay, Grand Canyon, we'll go with that,

[imitating echo]: with that, with that, with that.

Would you like a doughnut, Poppa?

I told you, I'm diabetic. Are you trying to kill me?

You know, whenever you come in here with sweet treats

it means you have sour news. What's up?

I'm so transparent.

Sorry, but you're wanted in HR.

Someone overheard you say "Grand Canyon"

and they know what that means...

[imitating echo]: means, means.

Let's start at the beginning.

Creating a hostile work environment,

filed by anonymous.

Intimidation, also anonymous.

Asking Allen to pull your finger, anonymous.

Okay, I'm anonymous.

You know what? This is fine, but it's all old stuff.

KAREN: Oh, you want new stuff?

How about "Grand Canyon"? What does that even mean?

[chuckling]: I don't know.

What do you think it means?

Well, people come

from all around to see it,

and you need a donkey to explore it.

Bingo. That's what it means, then. [laughs]

Knock it off, I know exactly what it means.

It's completely inappropriate.

You know, in its totality,

this is a clear breach of your contract.

Breach, sister. Breach, sister.

What about my rights? Whatever happened to consent?

There was a time that if you stole my wallet,

you would be charged with a crime.

But now you can steal my soul, profit off it,

and there's nothing I can do about it?

I am loving all of this. Yes, yes, yes.

- Who are you? - Oh, hi.

I'm, uh, Damon Fulton Jr., uh, the director.

[chuckles] Get out.

Oh, I like that fire. Let's go with that.

Yes, you're a natural-born villain,

that's what you are.

You're Omarosa meets Mommie Dearest

with just a splash of Ursula the Sea Witch.

Oh, you look crazy up close.

And security is here. And he's big.

And he's Black.

With a little ponytail. Don't love that.

And I'm leaving. [whistles]

I know you did not just whistle at me.

Mr. Fulton, we own your likeness.

ALLEN: Corporate feels very confident

that Dr. Reed could do the show on her own.

- Are you threatening me? - ALLEN: No.

I'm a lover, not a fighter. Just the messenger.

And beneficiary.

KAREN: Now,

we can do this the easy way

or we can play hardball.

You just said "hard" and "ball" in the same sentence.

Why don't you write that down?

You really should.

[mouthing]

[door slams]

I don't care.

I need it thick and I need it brown.

Just get it done.

- Nina, what are you doing? - Wondering where the hell

my five-foot chocolate lava fountain is.

Well, I need quiet on my set,

so hang up the phone and focus.

Yes, sir.

[Junior chuckles]

Good girl.

- NINA: I am? - JUNIOR: Yeah, you are.

- Are you okay? - Don't ruin it.

Ooh.

- How'd it go? - How'd it go?

You really want to know?

Huh. Listen to my flow.

[console beeps]

? Yo, I just got bullied and bamboozled ?

? Totally disrespected ?

? I'm emotionally fondled, so I'm feeling dejected ?

? This company I gave 25 years ?

? Are making me realize my greatest fear ?

? They're trying to erase me and disgrace me ?

? By using a digital me to replace me ?

? Well, they don't know who they messing with ?

? Because what you see is what you get ?

? I'm out, like a scout on a brand-new route ?

? No diggity, peace out. ?

And I just want to say to all my fans,

to my audience, and I want to thank you

for 25 years of your love and support.

I couldn't have done this without you.

We did this.

And I want y'all to know not a day will go by

where I don't remember our...

? Good times ?

? ?

? These are the good times. ?

Poppa, please don't do this.

Never make a decision from a place of anger.

We can still make this show work.

Woman, you sound just like them.

Maybe that's because you got what you wanted.

My audience, my chair, my show.

I didn't ask for any of that.

Yeah, well, you know what?

They're coming for you next, regardless.

And cut.

Wow, excellent work. Loved the rhymes.

Um, now, can we do one where you actually keep your job?

Yeah, the, uh, documentary's literally called

Icon: The Man Who Doesn't Quit,

so let's keep that job, you know?

And...

- action. - Stop!

It's over.

Put the damn camera away.

Dad, you have to go back to work to finish this.

I don't have to do anything

except pay taxes and die.

Besides all you care about is completing

this stupid little documentary so you can get your 50 grand.

Look, is 50 grand important to me? Yes.

Is it more important to me than my dad and his happiness?

Also yes.

But-- and this is the $50,000 "but"--

I love you and I think quitting is a mistake.

Standing on principle is never a mistake.

Fine, I'm gonna stand on principle too, then, all right?

I'm quitting the documentary.

And while I'm at it, I'm gonna quit my marriage.

Quit being a dad. Who needs 'em?

I'm gonna quit wiping. Does it itch?

Like crazy. Do I smell?

Absolutely. Like a loser.

Because that's what Fultons are.

A long line of stinky quitters

standing on a steaming-hot pile of principle.

That's the dumbest reverse psychology I've ever heard.

No, what's dumb is you throwing away a 25-year-long career.

Dad, I've never seen you quit anything before in my life.

But I'm not quitting, son.

I'm retiring.

I'm actually gonna go run with the bulls.

- The Chicago Bulls? - No.

The fools that run with the bulls in Spain.

I'm gonna go watch them get stampeded.

And then the next morning,

I'm gonna wake up, go fishing in Nova Scotia.

The next day... [pops, clucks tongue]

a little golfing in Pebble Beach.

And then, bam, back to Nova Scotia

for a quick lunch while I watch the northern lights.

The northern lights?

Yes. Mm-hmm. At lunch?

Dad, you don't even know where Nova Scotia is.

- It's in Canada. - No, it's not.

NINA: - Yes, it is. - Yes, it is.

Look, Junior, get it in your head.

I'm retired now.

And if you'll excuse me,

I have to go fax my check to my travel agent

so she can book my ship to Nova Scotia.

Your ship?

What are you, a Goonie?

Dad!

Da-- the world's changing.

And it's time you changed with it.

Welcome to The Dr. Reed Show.

Let me read you, and lead you, to a balanced and happier life.

Oh, there's a caller on the line already.

Caller, you say what?

MALE CALLER: No disrespect, Dr. Reed,

like, you good and all, but, uh...

this show just ain't the same anymore without Poppa.

We miss the rhymes, we miss the soul.

You know, no disrespect.

This show just kind of sucks without Poppa.

No disrespect.

See, basically, you're just not fun, Dr. Reed.

Respectfully.

Is this Junior?

Nah. It ain't me.

It's somebody else.

But he would like to talk to you immediately.

So if you have his cell phone number, maybe call that?

You mean this number, fool?

No disrespect.

So Junior told me that Poppa desperately

wants to apologize for insulting an icon.

Me.

I decided to give him an opportunity

to kiss the ring.

Well, you know what, if she wants to come crawling back

to this icon on bended knee,

hey, I'm open to it.

So I'm a liar.

Yes, you are.

You're a dirty little liar, and I like it.

Anyway, yes, I did lie to them both,

but I needed them together to save this documentary.

Here it goes, yeah!

Booyah! [chuckles]

[knocking]

Well, well, well.

Look who is here.

Okay.

You can step right there.

Let me put this pillow down

so you can get on bended knee.

What are you talking about?

Aren't you getting ready to kiss something?

Yes, you goodbye if you're not here to apologize.

Apologize for what?

Junior said that you've been begging

to get back in my good graces.

Hmm, that's funny, because Nina said you

were begging to get back into my good graces.

BOTH: What...?

Okay, look, now I know you're

probably wondering what's going on here.

- Yeah. - Right? And I would, too, so...

without further ado, um...

Nina, tell them.

Junior's a dirty little liar.

And he's got something to tell you.

All right, babe, relax.

Not in front of my daddy.

Look, I want to show you something.

Check this out.

IVY [in video]: I'm sorry, where do you think you're going...

Look at that engagement.

This conversation's over.

This conversation is not over, Poppa!

People love that you hate each other.

Now that's good drama.

That's the makings of a great podcast.

Starring you two.

Too late, she already has a job.

Mine.

Not anymore.

I quit.

Oh, they must've AI'd you, too.

Yeah, they did.

[sighs] They showed me this.

Hi, I'm Dr. Reed.

I used to feel sad and worthless

until I started taking...

Happium.

And now I never feel sad.

In fact, I never feel anything.

Happium: The best feeling...

is nothing.

ANNOUNCER: Side effects may include headache, dry mouth,

blurry vision, enlarged breasts, and back problems.

From the enlarged breasts.

Enlarged breasts, huh?

No, Junior.

I told you.

Yes, you did.

So you're saying that I was right?

Never.

But before I leave,

I just want you to know

that I never wanted your job.

[chuckles]

What I wanted

was to work with an icon.

And this podcast is a great idea.

But since you hate me, it'll never work.

Because you don't think we have anything in common.

But the truth of the matter is,

is I probably love soul music more than you do.

"Sweet Harmony."

Name of artist, year it came out.

Smokey Robinson.

1973.

He dedicated the song

to his former singing partners, The Miracles.

Give me another one.

POPPA: "September."IVY: Earth, Wind & Fire.

1978. Ironically, released in November.

"Grazing In The Grass."

Hugh Masekela. 1968.

It's a mystery if the song is about marijuana or not.

It was the '60s, it was definitely about marijuana.

[laughter]

[clears throat] I'm not here.

Poppa, do you remember when I told you that your...

radio show got me through college?

Yeah.

I had just gone through a bad breakup.

And I wasn't...

sure I was gonna make it,

so I turned on your radio show, and I heard you say

that a broken heart is a blessing,

because a heart that never breaks, never grows.

I remember that.

And then I played Al Green's...

BOTH: "How Do You Mend a Broken Heart?"

IVY: Yeah, and that night, I cried myself to sleep,

but the next morning...

my heart was a little lighter.

And I had hope again.

What happened to the fool that broke your heart?

I married him.

Want to hear about it?

And we're getting kind of long.

Let's get to the climax.

Spoiler alert...

they're doing the podcast.

Because of us.

IVY: You ready?

[exhales]

Hey, what's up, y'all?

Welcome to The Pop and Doc Show.

We're going to stimulate your mind, body, and soul

whether you're young or, baby, whether you are old.

So, Poppitos and Doccitos,

we want to hear from you.

Let us know what you want us to talk about.

And nothing is off-limits.

That's right, and while y'all ruminate on that,

I'm gonna take you back.

I'm gonna take you on a spin with a tune that always wins.

And I dedicate this song

to my new partner in crime.

["Ain't No Stopping Us Now" by McFadden and Whitehead playing]

? Ain't no stopping us now ?

? We're on the move ?

? Ain't no stopping us now... ?

Looks like Bruce Leroy had to get a job...

[laughter]

Then the next day, I'm gonna wake up early,

go golfing in Nova Scotia.

That's not how you golf.[laughter]

I'm gonna learn how to golf.

'Cause, uh... my swing is off.

You know, I thought about it and...

I am not a Grand Canyon.

Okay, but for safety reasons, can you do one where you say

you are and...

on my cue and... action!

I am a Grand Canyon.

- Yes, you are. - Cut it!

That's great. I love that one.

That's the one. We're gonna use that.

Captioning sponsored by CBS

and TOYOTA.

Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0