Original subtitles

- Hell. - We're moving out.

- You got a fire? - Too early in the morning.

All right.

Get out of there. Come on.

Come here, come here.

I'm fixing you up with a job...

with your uncle.

Work, now, till you go back to college.

If your face gets any longer here, you'll overbalance.

Or I'll commit suicide.

Ah, Bilquis?

Good.

And Tania and the other girls?

I say...

can't you give Omar some work...

in your garage for a few weeks?

Oh, come on, yaar. The bugger is your nephew, after all.

He's on dole...

like everyone else in England.

He sweeps the dust...

from one place to another...

he squeezes shirts, and he heats soup.

I mean, that hardly stretches him.

Though his food stretches me.

Oh, come on, yaar.

I'll send him to college in the autumn.

One thing more:

Try and fix him up with a nice girl.

I'm not sure his penis is in full working order.

Yes, we've got one parking space.

Twenty-five pounds a week.

And from this afternoon...

we're offering a special on-the-premises...

clean-the-car service.

New thing.

Hey!

Is that your car?

Why you feeling it up, then?

Come here. Here, I said!

And this bastard who almost beat you up is Salim.

You'll be seeing a lot of him.

I've heard great things about your father.

I must see him, but where have I got time?

You're too busy keeping this country in the black.

Still, someone's got to do it.

So your papa got thrown out of that clerk's job I fixed him with?

Pissed, was he?

Can you wash a car?

Have you washed a car before?

Your uncle can't pay you very much...

but you'll be able to afford a decent shirt...

and you'll be with your own people, not in a dole queue.

And Mrs. Thatcher will be happy with me.

It's easy to wash a car.

You just wet a rag and rub.

You know how to rub, don't you?

Do this one first.

Carefully...

as if you were restoring a Renaissance painting.

It's my car. Huh?

- Hi, baby. - My love.

Here.

What do you think I am, your trampoline?

Oh, yes, yes, yes. Je t'aime, mon trampoline.

Speak my language, damn it!

I'll do nothing else, Nasser.

- Do you think we'll ever part? - Not at the moment!

I'm serious.

Just keep moving.

Oh, just there!

Oh, I love you! Oh, darling!

Christ, you move like a liner!

I love you too. Can we go away somewhere?

- Yes, I'm taking you. - Where?

- Kempton Park, Saturday. - Great!

Great! Can we take the boy?

I've got big plans for the boy.

You're not gonna make him work?

- By the way, Rachel is my old friend. - Hello.

- How's Auntie Bilquis? - At home with the kids.

Papa sends his love. If I pick Papa up -

Have you ever been to a high-class place like this before?

I suppose you spend most of the time in your black-hole flat.

If I pick Papa up...

- He's one of those underprivileged types. - And squeezed him...

squeezed Papa out like that, I often imagine I'd get...

- Two fat slaps. - Two bottles of pure vodka...

and a flap of skin, like a French letter.

What are you talking, madman? I love my brother.

- Like I love you. - I don't understand how you can love me.

- Because you're such a prick! - You can't be sure I am.

Nasser.

She's right.

Don't deliberately egg me on to laugh at you...

when I've brought you here to tell you one essential thing. Move closer.

Get up.

In this damn country, which we hate and love...

you can get anything you want.

It's all spread out and available.

That's why I believe in England.

Only, you have to know how to squeeze the tits of the system.

He's saying he wants to help you.

- What do you want to do with me? - What am I going to do with you?

Turn you into something damn good.

Your father can't do it, can he?

Here, damn fool.

Take it.

You're like a son to me.

To both of us.

You like the work?

Come on, for chrissake.

Help me with my accounts.

Kiss Rachel.

I said give her a kiss, not a shower.

I'll finish your paperwork tonight, Uncle.

Such a good worker. I'm going to promote him.

- What to? - Come to my house next week, and I'll tell you.

- How will he get there? - I'll give him a car. That one there.

The keys are in the office. Anything he wants.

I've got a real challenge lined up for him.

You must be getting married.

Why else do you dress like an undertaker on holiday?

I'm going to Uncle's house, Papa. He's given me a car.

Brakes must be faulty.

Look, tell me one thing...

'cause this is something I don't understand.

It must be my fault.

How is it that scrubbing cars...

can make a son of mine look so ecstatic?

It gets me out of the house.

Look, don't get too involved with that crook.

You've got to go to college.

This is my nephew, Omar.

Auntie Fasia.

Auntie Farida.

Auntie Salma.

And this is Cherry, Salim's wife.

Of course you remember our three naughty daughters.

He has his family's cheekbones, Bilquis.

I know all your gorgeous family in Karachi.

- You've been there? - You stupid!

What a stupid! It's my home.

How could anyone in their right mind...

call this silly little island off Europe their home?

Every day in Karachi, your other uncles...

and cousins come to our house for bridge, booze, and VCR.

Cherry, my little nephew knows nothing about that life there.

Oh, God!

I'm sick of hearing about these in-betweens.

People should make up their minds where they are.

Your uncle's next door.

Can you see me later?

I'm so bored with these people.

Games room, okay?

I presume my brother, the boy's papa...

was out screwing some barmaid somewhere.

So when these tappings went on...

I got out of bed, went to the balcony, and opened the door.

And there was my brother.

He was standing outside with some woman...

and they were completely without clothes!

Blue with cold, like two bars of soap.

This I refer to as my brother's blue period.

What happened to the woman?

He married her!

Come along, come along.

Come.

Your father is a good man.

So this is the famous Hussein's son.

The exact bastard.

My blue brother was also...

a famous journalist in Bombay, and a great drinker.

He was to the bottle...

what Louis Armstrong is to the trumpet.

But you are to the bookies what Mother Teresa is to the children.

Your brother was a clever one.

- You used to carry his typewriter. - Isn't he coming tonight?

- Whatever happened to him? - Papa's lying down.

- I meant his career. - That's lying down also.

What chance would an Englishman give a leftist...

communist Pakistani on newspapers?

Socialist!

Socialist.

What chance would an Englishman give...

a leftist, communist socialist?

What chance a racist Englishman has given us...

that we haven't taken it from him with our hands?

Let's face it, yaar.

Zaki!

You need a stiff drink for making that good point.

Nasser! Please, God.

I'm on the verge already.

Can I make you a drink?

Make him a man first.

Give him a drink, Zaki. I like him.

He's our future.

Cheers.

It's been years.

And you're looking really good now.

I think we understand each other, eh?

Were they being cruel to you in their typical men's way?

You don't mind?

I think I should harden myself.

Wow. What are you into?

Your father's done well.

Has he?

He adores you.

I expect he wants you to take over the businesses.

He wouldn't think of asking me.

But he is too vicious to people in his work.

Doesn't want you to take over that shitty laundrette, does he?

What's wrong with it?

And he has a mistress, doesn't he? Rachel.

Yes. I can tell from your face.

Does he love her? Yes.

Please, Tania, can you come and help me?

Families. I hate families.

Take care of him.

Good night, Uncle.

Take my advice: There's money in muck.

What is it that the gora Englishman always needs?

Clean clothes!

Go on.

Pick it up, pick it up.

Drive us back, will you? You can pick your own car up tomorrow.

Salim's not feeling very well.

- Oh, what? - Whoa!

Hello, darling.

- Fucking nice babe! I want to see. - Get off the car!

Get off the car, will you? Get off the fucking car!

What the fuck are you doing? Get back -

It's me!

I know who it is.

How are you? All right? Working?

What are you doing now, then?

- Oh, this kind of thing. - Omar!

Come back! Come -

What are you now, chauffeur?

No. I'm on to something.

Oh? What?

I'll let you know. Still living at the same place?

No, I don't get on with me mum and dad.

You?

She died last year, my mother.

Jumped onto the railway lines.

Yeah, I heard.

All the trains stopped.

I'm still there.

Got my number?

Like me friends?

Ring us, then.

I will.

Leave 'em there.

We can do something now.

Just us.

Can't.

What are you doing?

I want to pee.

Can't you wait for me to take you?

My tool will drop off before you show up these days.

You know who I met?

Johnny. Johnny!

The boy who came here dressed as a fascist, with a quarter inch of hair?

He was a friend once, for years.

There were times when he didn't deserve your admiration so much.

Christ, I've known him since I was five.

He went too far.

They hate us in England...

and all you can do is to kiss their asses.

You think of yourself as a little Britisher.

I'm being promoted...

to Uncle's laundrette.

Illustrate your washing methods.

It's nothing but a toilet and a youth club.

A constant boil on my bum.

How's your foot, then?

Is it? Oh, good, good.

Fancy coming for a walk, then?

- Where did you get those? - Church.

You little - That's how machines get buggered!

Out!

What?

I'll come round then, shall I?

All right, see you in a minute.

All right, get started. Here's the broom. Move it.

- I don't only want to sweep up. - What are you, Labour Party?

I want to be manager of this place. I think I can do it.

Please let me.

Here I was thinking how to tell your father...

how four punks nearly drowned you in a washing machine.

On the other hand, a little water on the brain might clear your thoughts.

Okay. I'll charge you basic rent.

Above that, you keep.

You're everything to me.

Of course I prefer you to Janice.

Oi!

- Get up. - Please, Salim.

I don't know how to make this place work.

I'm afraid I've made a fool of myself.

Never make a penny. Your uncle's given you a dead duck.

That's why I've decided to help you financially.

Go to this address near the airport...

pick up some videocassettes...

and bring them straight back to my flat.

That's all.

Salim.

Go and sit down.

You okay? No problems?

No.

It's one of the best collections of modern Indian paintings, Omar.

I patronize many painters.

Many.

Right.

I won't be a minute. Ao. Make yourself comfortable.

Watch something, if you like.

You're one of us now, Omar.

Hello. Can I speak to Johnny, please?

Right. Well, do you know where he's staying?

Are you sure?

No, no. I just wanted to help him.

Look, if you see him...

ask him to ring Omo.

Is that the tape playing? What the hell are you doing?

- Just watching something. - Who gave you permission to touch these?

It's just a tape. What are you doing?

What business, Salim?

Nasser tells me you're ambitious...

but you failed your exams twice.

You've done nothing with the laundrette, and now you're trying to screw me up.

You've become like those white assholes that call us "wog," Omar.

Your family, rich and powerful back home...

has been let down by you.

Go on, fuck off.

Have you seen Johnny?

Piss off back to the jungle, wog boy.

These people, they're too tough for you.

I'll tell Nasser you're through with them.

Hello?

Why do that?

Useless fool!

- Hello? - Now look!

- What? - Bloody ass!

- What? - You've amputated my entire fucking foot!

- What? What? - Didn't I say you should've been a doctor?

- Hello? - Typical! You know that!

Johnny!

Yeah. See you then, Johnny boy!

I'll throw you out of this flat...

if you ever bring that bum-liability friend of yours here!

I'm dead impressed by all this.

You were the one at school, the one I liked.

All the Pakis like me.

I've been through all that, with my parents and that...

and with people like you.

But now there's some pretty big things I've got in mind.

I need to raise money to make this place good...

and I want you to help me with that.

I want you to work here with me.

What kind of work is it?

A variety.

A variety of menial things.

- Cleaning windows kind of thing, yeah? - Yeah, sure.

And you can start by cleaning those bastards out.

- Now? - I want everything done now.

That's the only attitude if you want to do anything big.

Christ.

Omar, sorry what happened before, huh?

Too much to drink.

Just go on another little errand for me...

same as before, okay?

For 50 quid.

You little bastard!

All right.

Come on.

I saw Salim's game.

This is going to finance our whole future. Cut him out.

You know where to sell this stuff, yeah? Don't you?

I wouldn't be working for you if I wanted to go on being a bad boy.

This means more.

Real work. Expansion.

- Salim will kill us. - We'll resell it fast tonight.

Come on. I couldn't be doing any of this without you.

Do you want some red?

Will you excuse me a moment?

Let's have a private chat, huh?

- You can go. - You haven't paid me.

I'm not in the mood.

Nothing happened to you on the way here?

No.

Well...

something may happen to you on the way back.

Thank you. That's fine.

She's nice.

Oh, gosh.

Tell me about the beach in Bombay, Uncle - Juhu Beach.

Or the house in Lahore, when Auntie Nina put the garden hose...

in the window of Father's bedroom 'cause he wouldn't get out of bed...

and Papa's bed started to float.

Abba?

- You look beautiful. - What about my laundrette?

Damn these stories about places you've never been to.

- What are you doing, boy? - What am I doing?

It'll be going into profit any day now, partly because I've hired...

a bloke of astounding competence...

and strength of body and mind...

to look after it with me.

Yasmeen, fiddle with my toes.

What bloke?

He's called Johnny.

And how are you going to pay him?

Nasser, sahab.

Zaki!

Everything is good, good. Everything.

But -

speak in English so the boy can understand.

Doesn't he understand his own language?

Not only that, I've given him that pain-in-the-ass laundrette to run.

- I know. - But this is the point:

He has hired someone else to do the work.

Typically English, if I can say that.

You haven't fucked your uncle's laundrette, you little fool?

I don't think you should talk to him like that, Uncle.

- Why? Is he royalty? - No. I don't like it.

She's a hot girl.

In my small opinion, much good can come of fucking.

Oh!

Your mouth has become very big lately.

Well?

All right, all right. Let's all take it easy.

Who is it sitting in the drive?

It's bothering me.

Some friend of yours?

- Zaki, please go see who it is. - It's only Johnny.

My friend. He works for me.

No one works without my permission.

Tania, bring him in.

How much good would come of us fucking later tonight?

I know why you put up with them -

'cause there's so much you want.

You're greedy, like my father.

He's a great man.

Johnny.

Why did you leave him sitting out here?

He's lower-class. He won't come in without being asked.

Unless he's doing a burglary.

My father wants to see you.

- How's Salim today? - Wearing too much perfume.

Eyelash.

So I said, "In this street I'm the law. I create the world."

Tania, please.

- Mm! - You like Tania?

- Oh, yeah. - I'll see what I can do.

And now to business.

I've been to see the laundrette.

You boys will make a beautiful job of it, I know.

You need nothing more there.

But in exchange...

I want you to do something.

You look like a tough chap.

I've got some bastard tenants in one of my houses...

that I cannot get rid of.

No. I don't do nothing rough no more.

I'm not looking for a mass murderer, you bloody fool.

What does it involve, please?

Unscrewing. Your favorite subject, Salim.

For Christ's sake.

What's this "unscrewing"?

You're getting into some family business, that's all.

What the hell else is there left for you in this country now?

Send him to the garage.

And call Tania. Ask her to bring some champagne.

We'll drink to Thatcher and your beautiful laundrette.

- Do they go together? - Like dal and chapatis.

- To us. - Cheers.

Timber's coming tomorrow morning. Getting it cheap.

I've had a vision of how our place can be.

Why don't people like laundrettes? Because they're like toilets.

This could be a Ritz among laundrettes.

A launderette as big as the Ritz.

Oh, yes.

- Cut it out! - Fuck off!

Leave it out!

Why are you working for these people?

Pakis?

It's work, that's why.

I want to do some work instead of all this hanging around. You're jealous?

No, I'm angry, Johnny.

I don't like to see one of our blokes groveling to Pakis.

They came over here to work for us.

That's why we brought 'em over. Okay?

Look, don't cut yourself off from your own people.

There's no one else who really wants you.

Everyone has to belong.

I can't ask you in.

You'd better get back to your father.

I didn't think you'd ever mention him.

He helped me, didn't he, when I was at school?

Yeah.

And what did you do but hurt him?

I want to forget all of them things.

I passed by the laundrette.

So you gave them the money to do it up?

Where did they get it from, I wonder.

Government grant. Omo's just like us, yaar.

It's your bloody family. So, like you, God knows...

what he does for money.

Come on in.

That joker's a bad influence on Omar. I'm sure of it.

There's some things between them I'm looking into.

So they let you out of prison. Too crowded, was it?

Unscrew.

Calm down, yaar.

He's changed the lock.

You'd better take off the whole door in case he changes it again.

He's only a poet with no money.

- I ain't hurtin' nobody, okay? - Hmm.

That door you've just taken off - hang it back.

- Excuse me. - I'm just a poor man. This is my room.

- Let's leave it that way! - It's nothing personal.

Thieving Uncle Tom parasite!

I will kill you!

Throw that bugger out!

Filthy imperialist swine!

Working dog! Enemy of the Third World!

You and your kind, your days are numbered!

Doesn't look too good, does it - Pakis doing this kind of thing?

- Why not? - What would your enemies have to say about this, eh?

Ain't exactly integration, is it?

I'm a professional businessman, not a professional Pakistani.

And there is no question of race in the new enterprise culture.

I'll forward your mail!

You like the room?

Omar says you have nowhere to live.

I won't charge.

- Why not? - You can unscrew.

That's confirmed beautifully.

But can you unblock?

And can you keep this zoo under control? Hmm?

I wish Salim could see this.

Why? He's on to us.

He's just biding his time, and then he'll get us.

Moose, make yourself useful.

You taking the room at Nasser's place? Make sure you pay the rent.

Otherwise you'll have to chuck yourself out the window.

Moose!

That'll do.

Let's open. The whole world's waiting.

I've invited Nasser to the launch, and Papa's coming.

They're not here yet. Papa hasn't been out for months.

We can't move till he arrives.

- What time did they say they'd be here? - An hour ago.

Then they ain't gonna come.

Follow me.

- Shall I open the champagne? - Didn't I predict this?

You did, man.

This whole stinking area's on its knees, begging for clean trousers.

The jewel in the jacks of south London, this place'll be.

Jesus Christ!

Do you want to open the place up?

Not till Papa comes, remember?

- Your father? - He went out of his way with you...

and with all my friends.

He did, didn't he?

Omo, what you on about, man?

About how years later he saw the same boys.

And what were they doing?

- What? - Marching.

Marching through Lewisham.

It was bricks and bottles and Union Jacks.

It was "immigrants out," kill us.

People we knew.

And it was you.

He saw you marching, and you saw his face watching you.

Don't deny it. We were there when you went past.

Papa hated himself, and he hated his job.

He was afraid on the streets for me...

so he took it out on her, and she couldn't bear it.

Such failure.

Such emptiness.

Come on. Hurry up. We're waiting.

There ain't nothing I can say to make it up to you.

There's only things I can do to show you that -

that I am with you.

What a beautiful thing they've done with it, isn't it?

God! And music too!

It's like a wonderful ship. I had no idea.

He's a marvelous bloody boy, I tell you.

- You don't have to tell me. - I tell you everything five times.

At least.

Am I a bad man to you, then?

You're sometimes... careless.

Yes.

Dance with me.

But we are learning.

But where are those two buggers?

Of course, Johnny did all the physical work on this.

You're fond of that boy.

I wish I could do more to help other deadbeat children like him.

- And you're tired of work! - It's time I became a holy man.

- A sadhu of south London. - Yes.

But first we must marry Omar off.

- Shit! - Typical.

What the hell are you doing? Sunbathing?

Asleep, Uncle. We were shagged out.

Where's Papa?

Would you do us the honor, madam?

- Love to. - Here.

Okay.

We thought we'd do the bloody area a favor, you know?

Lift up the place a bit.

By God, we've done it.

Smaller fish go down in one, headfirst.

- Hello. Welcome. - Hello.

Enjoying your wash?

Look at these.

Lovely. Lovely.

Laundrettes are impossible. I've got two laundrettes.

Two ulcers, plus piles.

Zaki. Hello, Salim.

Hello, Angela? Yeah, it's me.

- What's your surname? - Burfoot.

That's it. I know your mother.

I thought Papa might just make it today, Uncle.

He said he never visits laundrettes.

Angela, be reasonable.

You can always buy some new ones, can't you?

Good. It's Tania.

I've never met her, but she has a beautiful face.

Who invited Tania, damn it?

I did, Uncle.

Do you two know each other?

At last, after so long in my family's life.

Bring Tania over here.

Tania, I do feel that I know you.

But you don't.

Marry her! What's wrong with her?

When I say "marry her," you damn well do it.

I don't mind my father having a mistress.

Oh, good. I'm so grateful.

I don't mind my father spending our money on you.

Why don't you mind?

Please be nice to her. Take the pressure off my fucking head.

Or my father being with you instead of with our mother.

Your penis works, doesn't it?

But I don't like women who live off men.

Get going!

That's a pretty disgusting, parasitical thing, isn't it?

Tania, come and look at the spin dryers.

They're fluff-drying.

But tell me... who do you live off?

And you must understand...

we're of different generations...

different classes.

Everything is waiting for you.

The only thing that has ever waited for me...

is your father.

We'd better get going.

See you, boys.

No, I am not drunk, Angela.

I told you, I'm not gonna see her again.

"How could" - I did not -

I didn't ask her to come, Rachel. For God's -

I'll explain it to you!

Darling, listen. Dar-

Rachel! Please listen to me.

It's not my fault. I didn't ask her to come.

- Didn't you, then? Who did? - The boys!

- That's what you say! - Listen -

You made me look stupid!

- Can we go to the club? - No!

- I'm not going anywhere with you. - Darling, please.

Rachel, please.

Rachel?

- Good-bye, Omar. - Bye-bye.

I want to leave home.

I need to break away.

You'll have to help me financially.

As well as everything else...

why don't you go out the Palace no more?

Palace ain't me team.

Millwall, me.

I'm drunk.

- Will you marry me? - What about England?

I'll bet you don't even support England anymore, do you?

- Palace give you a trial, didn't they? - Yeah.

Told me mum Palace wanted me for a sweeper.

Said, "I reckon that's about your level."

If you can get me some money.

Omo's getting married.

I'm afraid you owe me an awful lot of money.

The beard? Remember? Huh?

Good. It's all coming back.

I think I'd better have that money back.

- I haven't got money like that now. - Because it's all in the laundrette.

I'd better have a decent down payment, then.

About half.

By the time Nasser has his annual party, say?

Or I'll instruct him to get rid of the laundrette.

It took you a while to get on to us.

Wanted to see what you'd do.

How's your papa?

So many books written and read.

Politicians sought him out.

Bhutto was his close friend.

But we're nothing in England without money.

I've told you already.

Come on, Angela.

Oh, that's just stupid.

That's stupid.

Of course I won't.

Of course not.

Who told you that, anyway?

Johnny?

Johnny!

Didn't I tell ya? Didn't I tell ya about that noise last night?

Didn't I?

Where did you go? You just disappeared.

Drinking, I went...

with me old mates.

It ain't illegal.

Of course it is. Laundrettes are a big commitment.

Now, why aren't you at work?

It'll be closing time soon.

You'll be locking the place up and coming to bed.

No. It never closes. One of us has got to be there.

That way we begin to make money.

- You're getting greedy. - I want big money.

I'm not gonna be beat down by this country.

At school, you and your friends kicked me all round the place.

And what are you doing now? Washing my floor.

That's how I like it.

Now, get to work.

Get to work, I said, or else you're fired.

What about you?

I don't want to see you for a little while.

I got some big thinking to do.

But today -

it's been the best day.

Yeah.

Almost the best day.

I recognize you, at least.

We was expecting you today.

Well, I've come.

The invitation was for 3:00, Mr. Ali.

It -

It's only 10 past now.

You know...

I thought I'd come to the wrong place...

that I'd suddenly found myself...

in a ladies' hairdressing salon in Pinner...

where one might get a pink rinse.

Do you do a good pink rinse, Johnny?

Or are you still a fascist?

You used to give us a lot of good advice, sir, when I was little.

Oh, when you were little. What's it made of you?

Are you a politician?

Journalist? Trade unionist?

No.

You're an underpants cleaner.

Oh, dear.

The working class is such a great disappointment to me.

- I ain't made much of meself. - Oh, well.

You'd better get on and do something.

Help me.

I don't want my son in this...

underpants-cleaning condition.

I want him...

reading in college.

You tell him...

"You go to college."

He must have knowledge. We all must, now...

if we're to see clearly...

what is being done and to whom...

in this country.

- Right? - I don't know. It depends what he wants.

No.

You use your influence.

Not a bad dump you've got here.

What'd you make me come all this way for?

- What's going on? - It's heavy, man.

Bilquis is making magic potions from leaves...

bird beaks and stuff.

She's putting them on Rachel.

Is it working?

Her furniture's shaking...

her trousers are walking by themselves...

and Rachel's come out in a rash.

Nasser's all over the place.

I'm out.

Salim's got to have money. Soon.

A lot of money. He's threatened me.

This city's chock-full of money.

- When I used to want money - - You'd steal it.

Yeah.

Decide now if you want it to be like that again.

She's illiterate. Tania's writing to her sister for her.

Bilquis is thinking about going back to Pakistan...

after she's hospitalized Rachel with that potion.

Nasser's on a marathon sulk.

He's going for the world record.

We'll just have to do a job to get the money.

I don't want you going back to all that.

Just to get us through, Omo.

If we're gonna go on. You want that, don't you?

Yeah. I want you.

Fuck me! What's she doing with that mouse?

Bilquis!

Are you barmy!

Goddamn you!

Shit!

Who does he reckon he is, your uncle?

Some kind of big Gatsby geezer?

Right, maybe this just ain't my world.

- Still getting married? - I can't really get out of it, can I?

If you wiggle fast enough, you can, I reckon.

England really needs more young men like Omar.

The more boys like that, the better.

Now that Cherry's pregnant, I will buy a house...

and we'll have many children.

Oh, yes. Listen, Zaki, here is Omar.

You talk to him about your laundrette. He will run it for you with Johnny.

Omar, my boy.

I got these two damned laundrettes in your area.

- I need big advice on them. - I won't advise you.

If the laundrettes are giving you trouble...

I'll pay you rent for them plus a percentage of the profits.

Really?

Can you take charge of the music for us?

You've taken a great weight off my head.

It's a deal.

I've got it.

The installment.

It's hefty, Salim.

Don't ever offer me money.

It was an educational test I put on you...

to make you see you did a wrong thing.

Don't in future bite the family hand...

when you can eat out of it.

If you need money, just ask me.

Years ago, your uncles lifted me up...

and I will do the same thing.

Tania?

All right. He's no one.

Bitch! What the hell is going on here?

- Can't you control your bloody people? - What do you mean?

Why should you be able to?

You gamble most of your money down the toilet.

That smooth suppository owns us.

Our education, your businesses, Rachel's stockings - it's his.

- I thought you two were getting married. - Yes, any day now.

- I'd rather drink my own urine. - It can be tasty with a slice of lemon.

- Get out of my sight, Tania! - I'm going further than that.

- Let's get out of here. - Take me.

- Salim will give us a lift. - What?

I need him for something I've got in mind.

So, I was talking to Zaki about it.

I want to take over both his laundrettes.

- He's got no idea. - None.

Do 'em up with this money.

Oh, yeah? Is it enough?

I thought you might want to come in with me, financially.

Yeah. I could do with some straight outlets.

You're a smart bastard.

Look at them. What a waste of life.

They're filthy, ignorant.

They don't respect people - especially our people, Omar.

What this scum needs is a taste of their own piss.

Right.

I think I can do something with this...

me and my partner.

Take it.

I trust you and your family.

Salim -

I'd happily put money into it, Omar.

Right.

Wait a minute.

Want to come in and take a look at this place?

Think we could do something with it?

- Can't tell without seeing it. - Well, come on, then.

Not if that scum Salim's there.

I'm going.

Where?

Away.

I'm going.

You can come.

No good jobs like this around.

Omar just runs you around everywhere like a servant.

I'll stay here with me friend...

and fight it out.

My family...

Salim and all, will swallow you up like a little kebab.

I couldn't leave him.

Not now.

Don't ask me to.

You ever touched him?

So today is the saddest day for us, Nasser.

I thought -

I thought that I'm taking you too much away from your family.

Love...

money...

you.

Besides, it's not possible to enjoy being hated so much.

Your wife is a brilliant woman.

Oh, my God.

And what's worse, my furniture keeps moving about the room.

It's not what I'm used to.

The council's been around.

We've had a time.

A short time.

A nice time.

I want to talk to Omo...

about business.

Don't know where he is.

Is it worth waiting?

In my experience, it's always worth waiting for Omo.

Bhaijan?

Nasser!

Bhaijan!

Paki!

Paki!

This damn country has done us in.

That's why I'm like this.

We should be there.

Home.

But that country's been sodomized by religion.

It's beginning to interfere with the making of money.

Compared with everywhere...

it's a little heaven here.

You are planning an armada of laundrettes?

- What do you think of dry cleaners? - They're the past.

But then...

they are the present also.

Mostly they're the past.

Kill him!

He'll die.

- I said leave it out! - Fuck the varmint!

Salim, get out of here!

Come on, Genghis!

- Come on. - Kill him!

Listen to me, Genghis! I don't want to fight!

- Tough. - Kill him!

Hit him! Hit him!

Come on!

- Come on! - Kill him, Genghis!

That's enough, Genghis.

- That's enough, man. - Kill the bastard!

Come on! Have him!

Come on, Genghis!

Why are you so unhappy?

Rachel's left me...

and I don't know what I'm going to do.

Ah, fuck you!

Fuck you!

You still look after me...

but I'm finished.

Only Omar matters.

I'll make sure he's fixed up with a good business future.

And marriage?

I'm working on it.

Is Tania a possibility?

Mm! Mm!

Tania?

Tania!

Where the hell are you going?

- I... - What?

I think I'd better go.

- I think I had, yeah. - You were always going at school.

Always running about, you.

Christ, your hand is bad!

I couldn't even pin you down then.

And now I'm going again. Give us me handbag.

You're dirty. You're beautiful.

I'm serious. Don't keep touching me.