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1
00:00:04,305 --> 00:00:07,675
CHRIS ROCK:
In 1985, crime was
on the rise everywhere,
2
00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:10,244
and when I say "everywhere,"
I mean everywhere.
3
00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:12,446
There was white-collar crime.
4
00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:13,681
...swear before this committee
that you will...
5
00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:14,715
There was blue-collar crime.
6
00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:15,616
(thieves laughing)
7
00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:17,251
There was even collard
green crime.
8
00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:21,489
Hey! Come back here
with my pot liquor!
9
00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:24,458
In Bed-Stuy, one crime
was an epidemic--
10
00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:25,459
chain snatching.
11
00:00:25,493 --> 00:00:27,128
(people yelling)
12
00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:28,596
Everybody had a gold chain
13
00:00:28,629 --> 00:00:30,398
and somebody was
waiting to snatch it.
14
00:00:30,431 --> 00:00:31,799
Nobody was safe.
15
00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:34,335
Not young people...
16
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:35,336
Hey!
17
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:36,437
Not old people...
18
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:37,438
Oh!
19
00:00:37,471 --> 00:00:39,140
Not even dead people.
20
00:00:40,774 --> 00:00:42,743
I never had a gold chain
because my parents
21
00:00:42,776 --> 00:00:43,911
would never let me get one.
22
00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:46,647
Gold chain?
Is a gold chain
gonna keep the house warm?
23
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,782
Is a gold chain gonna help
you graduate?
Is a gold chain
24
00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:50,818
gonna get rid
of my gout?
Is a gold chain
25
00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:52,220
gonna help clean
this place up?
26
00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:53,854
The only thing you need
with a gold chain
27
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:56,457
is to lock up the gold gates
on your gold house.
Mmm.
28
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:59,460
Even though I didn't
have a gold chain,
29
00:00:59,493 --> 00:01:00,694
my father was right.
30
00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:02,330
Vanessa,
look out!
31
00:01:02,363 --> 00:01:03,531
(shrieks)
32
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:04,832
What did I do that for?
33
00:01:04,865 --> 00:01:06,100
Boy, what's
wrong with you?
34
00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:08,102
Sorry, I didn't know.
It was a reflex.
35
00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:09,537
"Sorry" didn't do it.
You did it.
36
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:10,504
Now, guess what.
37
00:01:10,538 --> 00:01:14,142
You owe Malvo
a gold chain.
38
00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:15,843
Good thing I didn't
stop him from stealing
39
00:01:15,876 --> 00:01:17,711
a gold house.
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00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:27,788
Captioning sponsored by CBS
PARAMOUNT NETWORK TELEVISION
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00:01:27,788 --> 00:01:37,798
Captioning sponsored by CBS
PARAMOUNT NETWORK TELEVISION
42
00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:52,180
Tonya!
43
00:01:52,213 --> 00:01:53,647
Tonya!
44
00:01:53,681 --> 00:01:55,516
Come on, we gotta go!
45
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:57,651
While I was on the hook
for a gold chain,
46
00:01:57,685 --> 00:01:59,720
Tonya was on the line
for the hookup!
47
00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:01,322
What're you doing?
48
00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:02,323
We gotta go to school.
49
00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:05,193
Billy Ocean is coming
to Radio City Music Hall
50
00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:06,527
and the 98th caller
wins tickets.
51
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:08,162
I faced the same odds
whenever I called
52
00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:09,330
to ask out a girl.
53
00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:10,631
So, what caller are you?
54
00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:12,933
I don't know, I keep
getting a busy signal.
55
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:14,535
(changes station)
56
00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:16,170
DJ:
Hey! You're caller 98!
57
00:02:16,204 --> 00:02:17,238
(woman screams)
That's right, baby,
58
00:02:17,271 --> 00:02:19,307
you are going
to see Billy Ocean.
59
00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:21,475
Well, come on. We're going
to be late-- plus, you know
60
00:02:21,509 --> 00:02:22,710
Mama don't like
you on her phone.
61
00:02:22,743 --> 00:02:24,378
We're giving away
two tickets a day
62
00:02:24,412 --> 00:02:25,813
all this week.
Just be caller 98.
63
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:26,947
(chides the DJ)
64
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,350
If you want to hear
Billy Ocean sing live nowadays,
65
00:02:29,383 --> 00:02:30,784
you can just call up
Billy Ocean.
66
00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:33,687
Hey there,
Mrs. Rochelle.
67
00:02:33,721 --> 00:02:36,557
Hey, Mr. Omar.
68
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:39,393
Uh, the mailman left this
letter for Mr. Julius
69
00:02:39,427 --> 00:02:40,494
in my mailbox by mistake.
70
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:43,397
Oh, okay. Thank you.
71
00:02:43,431 --> 00:02:45,699
By the way, I was
wondering if I could
72
00:02:45,733 --> 00:02:46,700
ask you a favor.
73
00:02:46,734 --> 00:02:48,436
Sure.
74
00:02:48,469 --> 00:02:49,603
You wouldn't
happen to have
75
00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:51,705
another pair of pantyhose
I could borrow?
76
00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:54,208
Pantyhose?
77
00:02:54,242 --> 00:02:55,075
Borrow?
78
00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:57,211
I need a new stocking
cap for my hair.
79
00:02:57,245 --> 00:02:58,011
Oh...
80
00:02:58,045 --> 00:03:01,649
Okay, sure.
You can have these.
81
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:03,851
Were you about
to put these on,
82
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:05,653
or did you just
take them off?
83
00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:08,822
They're new, Mr. Omar.
84
00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:10,658
Oh.
85
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,593
Okay, then.
86
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:13,594
Thanks.
87
00:03:13,627 --> 00:03:14,595
Uh-huh.
88
00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:15,796
I think he's disappointed.
89
00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:26,607
My mother usually wouldn't
open my father's mail...
90
00:03:26,640 --> 00:03:29,610
unless she wanted
to know what was inside.
91
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:33,614
"Attached is your
new credit card.
92
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:37,318
Cardholder since 1970"?
93
00:03:39,787 --> 00:03:42,290
Hey, baby.
94
00:03:42,323 --> 00:03:43,324
Any mail?
95
00:03:43,357 --> 00:03:46,294
Mmm. Mm-hmm.
96
00:03:46,327 --> 00:03:47,761
Here you go.
97
00:03:47,795 --> 00:03:50,331
My mother told me there's
two things you don't hide
98
00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:53,867
from your wife--
extra women and extra money.
99
00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:57,805
I was so afraid of Malvo
I couldn't think straight.
100
00:04:01,809 --> 00:04:03,777
What are you
still doing here?
101
00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:05,813
Just trying to
figure something out.
102
00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:06,914
You remember Malvo?
103
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:07,881
Malvo?
104
00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:09,317
I thought he went to jail.
105
00:04:09,350 --> 00:04:10,951
Well, he got out,
106
00:04:10,984 --> 00:04:13,554
and this morning
he tried to snatch a chain.
107
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:14,788
I saw him coming
up on my friend,
108
00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:15,789
but I didn't know it was him.
109
00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:17,325
Don't tell me you warned her.
110
00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:18,959
I warned her.
Oh, man.
111
00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:20,894
Don't you know if
you see a crime
112
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,963
committed in New York City,
you keep your mouth shut?
113
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:23,931
I don't care if you
see Ronald Reagan
114
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:26,900
about to gun down the Pope,
you don't tell!
115
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:29,069
Greg was a big fan
of editorial cartoons.
116
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,004
It was a reflex.
So you're
sitting here?
117
00:04:31,038 --> 00:04:32,072
Obviously he didn't kill you.
118
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,741
What'd he say?
119
00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,576
(Chris's voice):
What'd you do that for?
120
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,478
Then what?
Then I said...
121
00:04:37,511 --> 00:04:38,979
I'm sorry, I didn't
mean to. It was a reflex.
122
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:39,847
And then he said,
123
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,982
"'Sorry' didn't do it.
You did."
124
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:44,818
And then he put a finger
in my chest and said,
125
00:04:44,852 --> 00:04:45,853
"You're gonna get Malvo
126
00:04:45,886 --> 00:04:47,455
a gold chain
by tomorrow night."
127
00:04:47,488 --> 00:04:48,822
And if you don't?
128
00:04:48,856 --> 00:04:51,091
He said, "when you
least expect it,
129
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:52,560
"I will be there.
130
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:53,927
"When you're in the shower...
131
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,028
(shower running)
132
00:04:55,062 --> 00:04:56,029
(gasps)
133
00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:58,866
Where's my chain?!
134
00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:00,601
"...when you're watching TV...
135
00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:01,935
(dramatic film score playing)
136
00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:06,707
Where's my chain?
137
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:09,943
Even in your dreams."
138
00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:12,880
Chris, I just want
to let you know,
139
00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:16,717
I hate everybody else,
but I love you.
140
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:18,386
Will you get me a soda?
141
00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:20,087
Yeah.
142
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:22,790
(yelps)
143
00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,958
Where's my chain?
144
00:05:24,992 --> 00:05:26,527
That's so weird.
145
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,996
Guys in my neighborhood
wear gold chains all the time,
146
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:30,864
You never hear about
one getting snatched.
147
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:32,500
That's because
it only happened once.
148
00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:34,735
Black-on-black crime is nothing
149
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:37,037
compared to Italian-
on-Italian crime.
150
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:40,040
This may sound crazy,
but what if you
151
00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:41,742
just buy one
and give it to him?
152
00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:44,545
I mean, how much do gold
chains cost, anyway?
153
00:05:49,583 --> 00:05:50,551
$300?!
154
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:51,752
Got any more ideas?
155
00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:55,523
A bus ticket out
of town only cost $35.
156
00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:01,962
CHRIS ROCK:
Since I couldn't afford
to buy a chain,
157
00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:03,997
I avoided Malvo
to buy some time.
158
00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:10,103
* Dooby do, run, run, run
159
00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:13,140
* Dooby do,
run, run, run *
160
00:06:15,008 --> 00:06:17,010
* Dooby do
161
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:20,080
* Dooby do,
don't spend a dime... *
162
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:21,915
I took every train.
163
00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:25,953
* Dooby do, run, run, run
164
00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:27,788
* Dooby do...
165
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:29,457
I took every bus.
166
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:31,459
* ...like we used to do
167
00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:34,462
* Dooby do, run, run, run
168
00:06:34,495 --> 00:06:36,797
No matter how hard I tried
to avoid Malvo,
169
00:06:36,830 --> 00:06:39,032
he always seemed to be around.
170
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:42,970
*
171
00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:46,974
If I could've, I would've taken
a underground railroad.
172
00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:52,145
(gasps)
Is you running
to the north?
173
00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:54,081
No, I'm running from Malvo.
174
00:06:54,114 --> 00:06:56,917
Malvo? You'd a been
better off a slave.
175
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:59,987
Get on, now, and remember--
you ain't seen nothing.
176
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:08,496
To get the truth about
my father's credit card,
177
00:07:08,529 --> 00:07:11,565
my mother went straight
to the source-- her friends.
178
00:07:11,599 --> 00:07:12,399
Credit card?
Yep.
179
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,034
And you didn't know
anything about it?
180
00:07:14,067 --> 00:07:15,736
Nope.
Mm-hmm.
181
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:18,105
I know this one woman who caught
her man lying about his height.
182
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:19,807
His height?
His height?
183
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,109
His height.
Yeah. He had shoe lifts.
184
00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:23,777
(laughs)
185
00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:25,779
Turns out, he had
a whole other family.
186
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:28,081
That's all my mother
needed to hear.
187
00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:30,984
(Latin music playing)
188
00:07:31,018 --> 00:07:33,654
(speaking Spanish)
189
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:52,506
So are you gonna
ask him about it?
190
00:07:52,540 --> 00:07:54,141
What would she do that for?
191
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:56,109
Uh-uh.
Don't you ask him nothing.
192
00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:57,778
Just wait. See
what he does.
193
00:07:57,811 --> 00:07:58,979
You've got to be surreptitious
194
00:07:59,012 --> 00:08:01,549
If he is waiting on
that credit card, give him
195
00:08:01,582 --> 00:08:02,616
a couple of days.
196
00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:04,251
He'll start looking for it.
197
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:09,022
Tonya, get off the phone
and come eat.
198
00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:11,024
Back at home, my mother
wasn't the only one
199
00:08:11,058 --> 00:08:12,259
doing undercover work.
200
00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:16,530
Boy, what you think
this is, a stickup?
201
00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:18,098
Take off that hat
and take off
202
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:21,769
those glasses and act like
you sitting at the table.
203
00:08:21,802 --> 00:08:22,936
Who were you talking to?
204
00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:24,605
I wasn't talking.
I was trying to see
205
00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:26,674
if I could to win tickets
to see Billy Ocean.
206
00:08:26,707 --> 00:08:29,209
I don't know why you keep
calling-- you're not gonna win.
207
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:30,043
I hope you win,
208
00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:32,045
'cause I can't
afford to buy them.
209
00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:34,047
No, who knows where
we would get the money from.
210
00:08:34,081 --> 00:08:35,749
I know
that's right.
Too bad we
211
00:08:35,783 --> 00:08:36,917
don't have a credit card...
212
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:38,051
I am not getting
a credit card
213
00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:39,286
so we can buy
some concert tickets.
214
00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:41,054
So you're saying you don't
want a credit card?
215
00:08:41,088 --> 00:08:42,255
That's right.
Mmm.
216
00:08:42,289 --> 00:08:43,290
I wish I could've told
217
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:44,892
my father what was going on.
218
00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:45,926
Run, Daddy! Run!
219
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,094
She's being
surreptitious!
220
00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:54,001
Oh, baby, well, I hope
you win those tickets
221
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,703
because we sure are not
222
00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:58,238
gonna buy them
with a credit card.
223
00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:00,774
Pass the syrup.
224
00:09:00,808 --> 00:09:02,810
I was so good
at sneaking around,
225
00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:05,112
I thought about
joining the CIA.
226
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:10,083
Hey!
227
00:09:10,117 --> 00:09:11,919
Or maybe the D.O.A.
228
00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:13,721
I got a question for
you boy. What is today?
229
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:16,089
Uh... Wednesday?
230
00:09:16,123 --> 00:09:21,361
Nah. Today is two days after
the day before yesterday.
231
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:22,696
Malvo was an idiot savant--
232
00:09:22,730 --> 00:09:25,966
98% idiot,
two percent savant.
233
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:28,068
So the question is,
where's my chain?
234
00:09:28,101 --> 00:09:29,202
I don't have the
money for a chain,
235
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:30,704
and I don't know
where to get one.
236
00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:32,806
They're generally
found around necks.
237
00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:34,742
Well, maybe I can get
you something else.
238
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:37,978
Nah. I want a chain.
239
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:39,713
You know why?
No .
240
00:09:39,747 --> 00:09:43,250
Two reasons. A, since
my most recent parole,
241
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:45,819
I'm limiting myself
to Class A misdemeanors
242
00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:48,756
and three, nobody
needs a chain.
243
00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:50,123
So I'm actually
doing people a favor
244
00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:52,993
by taking things
that they don't need.
245
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:54,628
You could argue with his math,
246
00:09:54,662 --> 00:09:55,663
but not with his logic.
247
00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:56,930
All right, I'll get you one.
248
00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:57,998
Oh, I know you will,
249
00:09:58,031 --> 00:09:59,199
or else I'm gonna
have to commit
250
00:09:59,232 --> 00:10:02,269
a Class B misdemeanor on you,
and you don't want that.
251
00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:04,672
He was right, considering
a class B misdemeanor
252
00:10:04,705 --> 00:10:06,173
is cockfighting.
253
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:10,010
Look, I know you don't want to
do it, but you got no choice.
254
00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,278
You're gonna have
to snatch a chain.
255
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:14,314
You know what my parents'd do
to me if they found out I was
256
00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:15,382
a chain snatcher?
So what about Malvo?
257
00:10:15,415 --> 00:10:17,417
You just going to go back
to him tomorrow and say,
258
00:10:17,450 --> 00:10:19,319
"I don't know where you're
getting your chain from,
259
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:20,420
but you're not
getting it from me"?
260
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,022
I can't do this.
261
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:24,024
I don't know anything
about chain snatching.
262
00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:25,225
What's there to know?
263
00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:26,827
The directions are
on the title.
264
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,696
You see a chain,
you snatch it.
265
00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:32,332
I couldn't help but think, if
I did actually snatch a chain,
266
00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:34,802
something would go wrong.
267
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:38,806
Freeze! FBI!
Show me your hands!
268
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:40,207
Get on your knees now!
269
00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:43,176
We got you now,
you little chain snatcher.
270
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:45,245
Frisk him!
Make sure he got
271
00:10:45,278 --> 00:10:47,247
no chains on him.
272
00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:52,052
You want to get away?
Don't try to move.
273
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:56,189
A jury of your peers has found
you guilty of chain snatching.
274
00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:59,092
I sentence you to death
by electric chair.
275
00:11:04,097 --> 00:11:06,266
Boy, I ought to beat
the legs off of you!
276
00:11:06,299 --> 00:11:08,736
You better take him
to the chair!
277
00:11:08,769 --> 00:11:10,103
(sobbing)
278
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:12,940
Did the governor call, yet?
279
00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:15,175
No, my man, but check this out.
280
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:17,077
I gotta pick
my brother up at 12:00,
281
00:11:17,110 --> 00:11:18,145
so if you really don't mind,
282
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,748
why don't we just go ahead
and do this, all right?
283
00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:24,785
(shrieking)
284
00:11:33,794 --> 00:11:35,162
Better him than me.
285
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:37,230
(kicking,
stomping,
groaning)
286
00:11:37,264 --> 00:11:39,266
Feels good to be right
for a change.
287
00:11:43,971 --> 00:11:48,241
CHRIS ROCK:
When surreptition didn't work,
my mother tried confrontation.
288
00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:49,242
Hello.
289
00:11:49,276 --> 00:11:50,310
Hey, baby.
290
00:11:50,343 --> 00:11:52,746
You must think I'm stupid.
291
00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:55,849
Oh, yeah. Rochelle is just...
292
00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:56,984
an idiot!
293
00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:59,286
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
294
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:01,321
She don't know what
goes on in this house.
295
00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:02,856
And I damn sure
296
00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:04,391
ain't going
to tell her.
297
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:07,861
Is that what you tell your
little Puerto Rican mami?
298
00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:10,263
Huh? And all your little ninos?
299
00:12:10,297 --> 00:12:13,000
Did you take them
on vacation and buy
300
00:12:13,033 --> 00:12:15,869
45 cent worth of this?
301
00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:19,372
$1.49 worth of that?
302
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,041
With your credit card?!
303
00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:22,309
A credit card?
304
00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:26,279
Your credit card.
305
00:12:26,313 --> 00:12:29,549
Oh, yeah. Be a man
about it, Julius!
306
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:32,419
It's got your name on it.
307
00:12:32,452 --> 00:12:34,788
Oh! Oh! And you know what
else it says, Julius?
308
00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:36,123
It says "Cardholder
309
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:38,191
since 1970"!
310
00:12:38,225 --> 00:12:41,461
That means that
for 15 years,
311
00:12:41,494 --> 00:12:43,296
you've been hiding this from me!
312
00:12:43,330 --> 00:12:45,098
So what do you have
313
00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:47,300
to say for yourself, Julius?
314
00:12:47,334 --> 00:12:49,469
Don't you say another word!
315
00:12:49,502 --> 00:12:51,404
¿Comprende, papi?!
316
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:52,539
Oh, you been
hiding a credit card.
317
00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:53,540
What else
are you hiding?
318
00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:55,575
Oh. Is Julius really your name?
319
00:12:55,608 --> 00:12:57,544
Oh, maybe you're
the Green River Killer?
320
00:12:57,577 --> 00:12:59,379
Do you know where
Jimmy Hoffa is buried?
321
00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:01,148
Who shot Kennedy?
322
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:02,482
For all I know,
323
00:13:02,515 --> 00:13:04,284
you could be Batman!
324
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:06,186
I am not Batman.
325
00:13:07,354 --> 00:13:09,122
I'm Batman.
326
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:14,594
Julius,
I need to know the truth.
327
00:13:14,627 --> 00:13:17,464
You can't handle the truth!
328
00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:20,333
Rochelle, I couldn't
tell you about it.
329
00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:23,837
Why not?! Do you know how many
times we could have used it?!
330
00:13:23,871 --> 00:13:25,438
That's why I couldn't
tell you about it.
331
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,174
I didn't want
another bill, baby.
332
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:33,046
Oh. Okay, Mr. Responsibility,
Mr. Fiscally Conservative,
333
00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:34,514
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide
334
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:36,249
Things From His Wife,
335
00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:37,517
answer this for me:
336
00:13:37,550 --> 00:13:39,252
since you're
so against credit cards,
337
00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:41,989
why do you have one?
338
00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:44,491
Ask your friends
at the beauty shop.
339
00:13:49,396 --> 00:13:51,899
Why do you keep calling
that station, Tonya?
340
00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:53,366
You're not
going to win.
341
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,068
Why don't you
just quit?
Shut up.
342
00:13:55,102 --> 00:13:57,104
(phone ringing)
Oh, it's ringing!
343
00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:59,306
Tonya wasn't just waiting
for concert tickets.
344
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:01,541
She was waiting
for Billy Ocean tickets.
345
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:03,877
And she would wait
as long as it took.
346
00:14:03,911 --> 00:14:07,514
Dang, girl, you still trying
to get Billy Ocean tickets?
347
00:14:07,547 --> 00:14:10,550
Yeah. He's opening
for Usher at the Beacon.
348
00:14:10,583 --> 00:14:12,085
Hello.
349
00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:14,121
RADIO ANNOUNCER:
Hey. You're caller number 97.
350
00:14:14,154 --> 00:14:15,355
Sorry, baby.
351
00:14:19,292 --> 00:14:20,994
You're caller number 98!
352
00:14:21,028 --> 00:14:22,429
WOMAN:
Oh! Oh! You playing!
You playing!
353
00:14:22,462 --> 00:14:23,530
Told you.
354
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:25,532
Are you playing me?
I'm going to see Billy Ocean!
355
00:14:25,565 --> 00:14:27,267
Am I really going
to see Billy Ocean?
356
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:28,535
Come on, man. Don't be playing.
357
00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:33,606
Dad, do you
have a minute?
358
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:35,943
Sure. What is it?
359
00:14:35,976 --> 00:14:38,278
Well, you know
my friend Greg?
360
00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:40,480
He has a problem.
I want to help him.
361
00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:42,549
What kind of problem?
362
00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:45,953
Well, there's this guy
who wants him to snatch
363
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:47,087
a chain for him.
364
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,455
Snatch a chain?
365
00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,190
That's stealing.
366
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,591
People work hard
for what they have.
367
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:52,960
Thief, murderer--
368
00:14:52,993 --> 00:14:55,362
it's all the same in my book.
369
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,564
Right. Which is why
he doesn't want to do it.
370
00:14:57,597 --> 00:15:00,200
But, if he doesn't, the guy
is going to beat him up.
371
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:02,435
But, if he does,
he's going to go to jail.
372
00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:03,503
He's going
to get beat up anyway.
373
00:15:03,536 --> 00:15:05,538
So he can get beat up
for breaki the law,
374
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:06,706
or beat up
for not breaking the law.
375
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,141
But, at least,
if he doesn't break the law,
376
00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:10,510
the other guy will go to jail,
and he'll get beat up instead.
377
00:15:10,543 --> 00:15:12,712
Huh?
378
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:15,715
So should he snatch the chain
or not snatch the chain?
379
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:18,718
Not snatch the chain.
380
00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:20,520
Why didn't you just say that?
381
00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:21,688
Oh. Thanks.
382
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:23,590
I'll tell Greg
what you said.
383
00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:25,492
Why didn't Greg
ask his own father for help?
384
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:27,527
'Cause he didn't know
what he was going to do.
385
00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:31,331
Well, tell him
don't do nothing stupid.
386
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:33,000
Okay.
387
00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:39,506
Drew didn't know
what it felt like to lose,
388
00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:42,009
but he hated the way
it looked on Tonya.
389
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:43,576
Give me the phone.
390
00:15:51,051 --> 00:15:53,153
(phone ringing)
391
00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:55,155
ANNOUNCER:
Hey. What's your name?
392
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:56,389
Tonya.
393
00:15:56,423 --> 00:15:58,458
Tonya. Hey, I'm sorry
to tell you this, baby,
394
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:00,593
but you're caller number 98!
395
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,529
You're going to see Billy Ocean!
(Tonya screaming)
396
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:03,763
Drew was so lucky,
397
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:06,499
one time a horse tried to take
his shoe for good luck.
398
00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:09,269
Meanwhile, when my mother
was upset with my father,
399
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:12,372
she would do everything mad,
like mad-folding...
400
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:14,241
Lying to me 15 years!
401
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:16,176
Hiding a credit card!
402
00:16:16,209 --> 00:16:18,145
And mad-cooking...
403
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:20,513
Got some woman spending money
I'm supposed to be spending!
404
00:16:26,553 --> 00:16:28,621
And mad-sleeping...
405
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,690
Buying somebody else
real leather...
406
00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:36,396
Letting the storm subside
wasn't working,
407
00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:40,567
so my father had to walk
into the eye of the hurricane.
408
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,669
Rochelle, I don't
want you be mad at me.
409
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:46,606
Hah! Should have thought
about that 15 years ago.
410
00:16:46,639 --> 00:16:48,308
Why am I always
the last to know?
411
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:51,444
Here I am, worried about where
you are, what you're doing,
412
00:16:51,478 --> 00:16:53,613
and who you're
doing it with.
413
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:55,148
You're supposed to be my man.
414
00:16:55,182 --> 00:16:57,617
You turn out
being The Man from U.N.C.L.E.
415
00:16:57,650 --> 00:16:59,652
I can explain.
416
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:03,623
Look, 15 years ago, I was
flat broke and needed money.
417
00:17:03,656 --> 00:17:05,625
That's no different
than 15 seconds ago.
418
00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:06,726
Mm-hmm.
419
00:17:06,759 --> 00:17:08,695
The department store
was giving these things away.
420
00:17:08,728 --> 00:17:12,332
Hah! Really? Did they give you
tips on where to hide it?
421
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,834
I bought one thing, and it took
seven years to pay off.
422
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,336
What about the other
eight years, Julius?
423
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:17,437
Every time I tried
to cancel the card,
424
00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:19,639
they just sent me a new one
and raised the limit.
425
00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:22,475
Okay, Mr. A+ on your FICA score,
426
00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:24,711
what did you buy
that was so important
427
00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:27,514
that I had to wait 15 years
to find out about?!
428
00:17:30,217 --> 00:17:32,185
Your wedding ring.
429
00:17:32,219 --> 00:17:33,753
For the first time in 15 years,
430
00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:35,655
my father got my mother
to shut up.
431
00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:37,457
I'm sorry.
432
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,259
I should have told you.
433
00:17:39,292 --> 00:17:41,194
Here's what
he really wanted to say:
434
00:17:41,228 --> 00:17:42,829
Hah! In your face!
435
00:17:42,862 --> 00:17:45,665
You wrong, you wrong,
you wrong and I am right!
436
00:17:45,698 --> 00:17:47,367
Uh!
437
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,402
Uh! Uh! Uh! Ah!
438
00:17:49,436 --> 00:17:52,472
I'm right, I'm right,
I'm right, I'm right,
439
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:54,741
I'm right,
I'm right,
I'm right!
440
00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:56,109
And, out on the street,
441
00:17:56,143 --> 00:17:58,378
I had finally
gotten my nerve up.
442
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:03,316
You got my chain?
443
00:18:03,350 --> 00:18:04,484
No.
444
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:06,619
I'm not getting you one either.
445
00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:09,489
Boy, you think
I'm playing with you?! Huh?!
446
00:18:09,522 --> 00:18:10,790
Let him go.
447
00:18:10,823 --> 00:18:12,459
Who you supposed
to be?
448
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:14,494
Dad, it's okay.
449
00:18:15,695 --> 00:18:17,264
Dad?
450
00:18:17,297 --> 00:18:18,798
He wasn't surprised
that was my father.
451
00:18:18,831 --> 00:18:20,767
That was just the first
father he had ever seen.
452
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,203
So I'm supposed to be afraid
'cause you brought
453
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:24,371
your daddy out here?
454
00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:25,805
No, you're supposed
to be scared because,
455
00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:27,674
if you ever put your hands
on my son again,
456
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:28,808
you ain't going to jail.
457
00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:30,510
I'm going to jail.
458
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:31,644
What you going to do?
459
00:18:31,678 --> 00:18:33,780
You'll find out what
I'm going to do.
460
00:18:33,813 --> 00:18:35,315
You think I'm playing?
461
00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:37,717
When you're in the shower,
I'm going to be there.
462
00:18:39,786 --> 00:18:40,720
(screams)
463
00:18:40,753 --> 00:18:42,189
You think I'm playing?
464
00:18:42,222 --> 00:18:45,124
When you're watching TV,
I'm going to be there.
465
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:49,662
Think I'm playing?
466
00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:54,301
Even in your dreams,
I'm going to be there.
467
00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:56,636
Mr. Malvo, you're free to go.
468
00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:58,505
Case dismissed.
469
00:18:58,538 --> 00:19:01,374
What I tell you, dude? Hey!
470
00:19:01,408 --> 00:19:02,742
You think I'm playing?
471
00:19:02,775 --> 00:19:05,778
Yeah. That's all right.
472
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:07,614
It's going
to be all right!
473
00:19:07,647 --> 00:19:08,748
You lucky
I don't know my daddy.
474
00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:11,684
That was the slogan
for the Bed-Stuy Boys' Club.
475
00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:14,754
Dad, how did you know I was
talking about me and not Greg?
476
00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:19,726
Chris, white kids
don't snatch chains.
477
00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:22,395
Lucky for me, snatching chains
was fading out.
478
00:19:22,429 --> 00:19:25,432
Unfortunately, it was
replaced by a new crime...
479
00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:26,799
carjacking.
480
00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:32,905
Vanessa, look out!
481
00:19:36,776 --> 00:19:39,779
Man, you owe me a car!
482
00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:40,580
(sighs)
483
00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:43,383
* Everybody hates Chris. *
484
00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:47,420
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
485
00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:55,695
* Oh... make it funky now!
32168
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