Original subtitles

Jackie in high school.

We weren't likely friends.

She was popular,

outgoing,

but unsettled.

I was awkward,

shy,

and withdrawn.

We were both different.

We weren't like anyone else.

And that's what brought

us together.

And eventually kept us apart.

The candles out of breath

Folks,

the destination of this

coach is San Diego,

California.

We're due there at 5.15.

Next stop is San

Bernardino in Los Angeles.

Hope you're having a

wonderful day and

thank you for riding with us.

You're one of the

stars that captivates me

But I've stared at you too long

You're a wind shining,

burning

Blinding like the sun You're

one of the stars

that captivates me

But I've stared at you too

long And now I'm done Out

of pocket,

locked in light

San Bernardino,

next stop San Bernardino.

Please

have your baggage tags ready.

So where are you heading?

LA.

Oh,

from Arizona?

Yeah,

Tucson.

You excited?

I'm going to see an

old friend in San Diego.

That's me,

and that's my friend Rose.

Look at you guys.

Wow.

Rose is really sick.

It's a really sad situation.

Life can be so brutal.

Are you meeting friends in LA?

An old friend.

Aren't those the best kind?

The sun one of the stars

I don't know what to say.

It's like nothing needs

to be said.

Five years.

Like,

is this really you?

Is this a dream?

If I close my eyes

are you gonna disappear?

How is everyone?

The same.

Nothing's changed.

You know that.

Do they still think I'm crazy?

Yeah.

Because you are crazy.

You know,

I hate it.

It's like a big black hole

that sucks you in.

People are so fucking hated.

Then why stay there?

Why not move out here

or go someplace else?

I'm thinking about

traveling to Europe.

I know some guys that went on

a trip around the world.

It's pretty crazy.

Australia,

maybe.

When I'm ready.

Or Thailand.

Thailand?

What?

You'll end up becoming

some nasty hooker having

to fuck Thai guys

with no teeth.

And you'll have to,

like,

suck on their gums and

fondle their little cocks.

Fucking Dylan.

Try getting out

of Tucson first.

I'm here,

aren't I?

Yeah.

For a day.

You're leaving tomorrow,

right?

Make yourself at home.

This place is breathtaking.

So,

Thank you.

I want a life like this.

Like what?

Like this.

Like you said earlier.

Like what?

I don't know.

It's hard to explain.

Everything is so different.

Little

details are just different.

I want a Ferrari.

And that's all you want?

No.

There are other things too.

Really expensive things.

Really?

Of course.

Things.

Things.

Is there anything

else you want?

Apart from things?

I mean,

what else is there

apart from luxury?

That can't be

a serious question.

Yeah,

it is.

There's love.

There's empathy.

There's creativity.

I thought you wanted to act.

No.

You remember wrong.

That was years ago.

You don't want to act anymore?

Did you even try?

It's not me.

I've changed.

You'll see.

Just tell me if this is normal.

So I went and I got a massage.

And you know,

my head was down

and the whole thing,

and I was facing down.

And the little Asian

lady coming above me,

her crotch was right on

the back of my head.

Like on your head?

On my head.

Like on my head.

And she would massage all

the way down my back.

And I had no clothes on.

Of course.

Really?

Okay.

And then right when she'd

get over my butt,

she would just like,

like,

Back of my head.

I'm not kidding,

you should go all the way

down my back and then.

She would like hump your head?

No.

She humped your head

while she massaged you?

That's so weird.

That's awkward.

I'm so sorry to tell you this,

but I don't

think that's normal.

So how do you two

know each other?

We grew up in Tucson,

Arizona together.

You guys must be very close.

She's visiting.

We haven't seen each

other in five years.

Why so long?

It's complicated.

She's crazy this one.

Oh yeah?

You know what they say,

it's always the quiet ones.

How old are you?

I'm 40.

How old are you?

Hey,

what's wrong?

Yes,

yes,

yes,

yes.

Oh,

please make me go.

Fuck.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

That's what I do with it.

That's what I fucking do.

You have to take it.

Come on.

Come on.

Harder.

Come on,

come on,

come on.

So good.

So fucking good,

baby.

So fucking good,

don't stop.

Don't stop.

Come on,

fuck.

What are you doing to me,

huh?

Come on,

come on,

come on.

Slow,

slow,

slow,

slow.

Cheers.

So,

what do you think?

What?

What do you think?

About what?

You're

not listening to anything

I just said.

Come on,

we have to go.

Come on,

let's go!

I like your shoes!

Let's just go home.

It's fucking hot right now.

Oh

Oh,

fuck

No.

Oh,

God.

Oh.

I love you.

Do you have ten?

Goldfish.

Do you have a five?

Nope.

Goldfish.

Do you have two?

Go fish.

You cheat.

What are you talking about?

Show me your hands.

No.

Show me the card.

I don't have them.

I knew it.

What?

It's really good.

Come on.

OK,

OK,

OK.

Oh.

It's not fair,

you have a bigger mouth.

But why?

Oh no,

I'm sorry!

Letting the tears just flow.

You spoke and

said everything's alright

You were by my side.

And that's when I needed you

most To gain control Of

everything I don't know.

Oh.

Cause

if you don't stop me now I'll

keep running in circles

Yeah And I need you now

Someway,

somehow I've got to find you

I'm scared I won't know how

How I

need you now To get control Of

everything I don't know I

don't know

Cause if you don't stop

me now I'll keep running

And I need it now,

someway,

somehow I've got to fight,

fight you Cause if I don't,

I'm scared I won't Know how,

hear me out

Well,

I was driving the freeway

It was too small to be a plane.

It was too close to be It was

too quiet and close

to be a helicopter.

It was round,

and it was lit,

and it was at night,

and it was moving with me.

It was a UFO.

I know it was a UFO,

and I got off the

freeway to find it again.

You looked for it?

Yeah,

I looked for it,

and it wasn't there anymore.

It was just,

like,

vanished.

Like,

I made it up in

my head or something.

No,

but it's like,

what do you do at that point?

You see a UFO,

what are you gonna do,

like,

call someone?

I just I wanted

to see it closer.

I wanted to get,

you know I was just like

Well,

what am I going to do?

There's a UFO.

Now what?

I had no idea what to do.

I just told people.

Now I'm telling you.

I missed you.

I missed you.

When you left at first,

it was not what I expected.

I was so lost.

I'd drink like crazy

and listen to

songs that reminded me of you.

It was embarrassing.

I guess I didn't know

what it'd be

like to lose my best friend.

But that empty feeling,

it's normal.

You get used to it.

The distance grows.

When I came out here,

I missed you too.

But I moved on.

After a few weeks,

it just became a bit trivial.

Don't say that.

I'm your friend.

I will always be your friend.

What does that even mean?

It means that

That no matter what,

no matter what you do or

who you screw over,

I'm

the one person you can call.

Always.

I don't believe that.

Words like always come

out of this

innocent and passionate place,

but

always is boring and

lonely and painful and scary

always is just unrealistic

Anna.

Anna.

Come on.

Anna.

I said it's okay.

I know that I can be

a little bit harsh.

Yeah.

I forgot.

Stop.

I'm okay.

I'm fine.

It's okay.

No,

it's not.

Stop.

Fuck.

What?

Fuck.

Where are you going?

Stop!

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Fuck.

Yes,

please.

Yes,

please,

please,

please,

please.

God,

yes,

yes,

yes.

Oh,

my God.

Yes,

please,

make me come.

Oh,

my God.

Yes,

yes,

yes.

Don't stop,

don't stop.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

God.

Oh my God.

You know.

He's a special one.

You're going to go off to some

college on

your way to law school.

You don't know

how much pressure you're

under until it's gone,

you know?

I don't care.

I don't fucking do it.

I work at a bar.

I am fine with it.

I have a blast.

I actually have a good time.

Sometimes I

think that there's something

wrong with me.

Don't forget that feeling.

Like,

I'm

not a girl and I'm not a boy,

but I'm some

weird species that's not

built like everybody else.

I like you just the way

you are.

You don't understand,

do you?

I do.

I do,

Jackie.

We should do something.

No!

Let's just stay here all night

and have sex and sleep.

I wanna do something.

I'm antsy.

No!

No!

You're just a child with me!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

I'm scared of sharks!

It makes me feel sick now that

issues are nothing at all.

Oh,

no.

Oh,

no.

Oh,

no.

Oh,

no.

Oh,

no.

When I borrowed a

lens it was easy to see That

we're hanging

together by friends I

asked you for glue to

secure what was left But

you gave me

the scissors instead All

of my friends claim to

know how I feel

This is sick!

Whenever I think of London to

myself,

this is where I feel so good.

Did

you see anyone after I left?

Come on,

you can tell me.

You know Lee?

I know Lee.

Fucking asshole Lee.

We saw each other for

a few months.

What was that like?

Come on,

tell me about Lee.

I just like being at his house.

His family treated

me real good.

They were like normal,

not something I'm used to.

They threw my birthday party

with balloons and shit.

It was nice.

I liked it.

How's your grandmother?

Old.

She's going a little C now.

Can't remember some things.

You ever think about

your mom and dad?

I don't.

What about you?

Mom calls every so often,

like once a month,

maybe every two months.

She worries,

but just enough to make her

feel like she's doing her part.

My parents really don't

give a shit,

you know?

Like,

they just put money

in my bank account,

pay me off like a whore.

Like,

that's all I want.

No.

It's too much.

Jackie.

You're a fucking child.

You're exactly the same.

You can't understand

what it's like.

You work part-time

for pocket change,

living with your grandmother.

I can't believe I'm

letting myself

This is so fucking stupid.

This was just a mistake.

This was just a

stupid fucking mistake.

What are you talking about?

I remember now.

Yeah?

I remember why part of

me was happy you left.

It's like

walking on eggshells with you.

Any moment can turn nasty.

Especially when

you're drinking.

Calm the fuck down,

Jackie.

You have

No fucking right to talk

to me like that.

Who the fuck do

you think you are?

We're not friends.

We never talk.

When I needed you,

you weren't there.

Do you get that?

Do you understand?

Thank you.

Are you awake?

Emma.

Emma.

Wake up.

Emma,

are you up?

I'm up now do

you remember when we

used to skip school?

and

we'd drive out to the lake and

just

hang out in the hills all day

and we'd smoke pot and

everybody would think we

were so crazy

it was so beautiful.

And you would walk

among the rocks and

then we'd all go swimming in

the lake.

And then in the evening

we would flirt

with the boys at the campfire.

I wanted to get

you laid so bad.

Like you're my little sister.

I remember.

We

would dream about the future.

Where we'd live.

We'd name our kids.

But the future is not

what we thought,

huh?

Yeah.

What?

Do you remember that

one kid there?

Derek?

Yeah,

I remember.

So anybody have any

good ghost stories?

I've got nothing.

One time I was in the church,

and

I was there because my friend

cleaned the church

every Sunday.

We were in the chapel,

and I was standing

on the stage,

and she was on the clear

other side of the room,

and I hear her behind

me just stomping like boom,

boom,

boom,

boom,

boom,

like running footsteps

behind me.

Jesus found you.

There's no one else in the

room.

It was scary.

It was pretty scary.

It was the church bouncer

was what it was.

It was the holy bouncer.

I was having recurring dreams

and like the dreams

started the first time it

was like me in

my bedroom and like a

bunch of keys on

the wall and they're

all shaking and then

this like weird dark figure

came and like almost

like just started smothering me

and like it didn't

happen for a while it

didn't happen and then

I've totally had dreams

like the same thing.

My fucking like the

cupboard by my

window I had like a day

bed it starts moving and I'm

like oh my god oh

my god and it's moving and

then my cat comes out.

My dad's old house,

one thing did happen

to me one time,

and it doesn't really compare

to what happened to you

or like you know the

ghost kind of thing,

but I,

um,

I was laying in bed,

and I had my

arm under the pillow.

I always sleep with my

arm under my pillow.

And I guess,

like,

I was asleep,

I'm laying with my

arm under the pillow,

and I wake up in

the middle of the night,

and I reach,

I reach

under my pillow and i touched

a hand but i couldn't

like i mean i touched

this hand and it was

the cold hand it was my

hand my arm was asleep

my dad comes bursting into

my room this is true

my dad comes bursting my room

with like a bat he's

like what the what's going

on and i'm just like

nothing i just there's a

spider there's a spider over

there and it scared me

so you're a hero today.

Did you see that you're my

hero you're my hero today

You got some.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

I just made sure I got

it for you with this.

Mine sucks.

For later.

You get it for later.

I want you to go hungry.

Now you get to watch

it explode and expand.

You're so thoughtful.

I've heard that.

Does anybody else feel like

howling at the moon?

What?

No.

Why?

All the guys do,

right?

Come on.

One,

two,

three.

Cheers to the moon house.

Yeah,

yeah.

Wolfpack.

There you go.

Oh,

my god.

My hat's in the way,

huh?

So I wear it,

I keep boys like you away.

Am I the one your

mama warned you about?

Yeah,

you are.

Because you were coming at me,

and now you're

just chugging down

half your beer and you're gone.

I'm putting

a beer on my face right here.

Let me see.

There wasn't enough for me to

tell if it was beer.

We know each other now.

But look,

we can just,

you know,

go off me and then maybe go

up to the cabin or something.

I don't do that.

Hold on.

Come on.

What don't you do?

What don't you do?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I have to go pee.

You don't have to go pee.

Look,

there's like blankets

and stuff.

We can have a good

time just me and you.

Come on.

Where's Eric?

And Jackie?

They went up the hill.

so so

That's okay.

That's okay.

That's okay.

Fuck.

Oh my God.

Fuck.

Can I stand up?

Stand up.

Hmm.

I don't know,

come here.

I'm gonna fucking hit you up.

I'm gonna say

this fucking shit,

son.

I

ain't gonna leave it up there,

that's all.

No,

go ahead.

Yeah?

So fuckin' deep like that.

Oh,

I feel so fuckin' good.

Mm.

God,

it's so good.

Oh,

fuck me.

You're fucking me so good.

I think it's so fucking good.

Oh my god.

No,

yes,

yes.

Yes!

That's what I wanted.

That's what I wanted.

Oh,

fuck.

Oh,

shit.

Oh,

yeah.

Get down here.

Get on your knees.

Oh,

fuck.

Oh.

Oh,

my God.

Fuck.

I couldn't find you guys.

You just disappeared.

That was a really

long time ago.

I didn't know you saw that.

I couldn't stop

thinking about it.

I tried to.

It hurt.

Every guy I wanted,

you'd take him away from me,

like Eric.

Because I was

too straight-laced.

I wouldn't do the

things you would do.

I wouldn't

take them out of my mouth.

Let them fuck me like a dog.

Whenever I

thought about you with him,

it hurt.

But

there was something else too.

It made me come.

And not just come,

I mean,

my whole body would shake and

convulse like these were the

best orgasms I'd ever had

in my whole life.

Just thinking about

you and him.

Why did you come here?

I'm serious.

Why did you come here?

To see you.

No.

I came to see you.

You're lying.

I'm not lying.

Why did you come?

I can't do this again.

Why did you come

after five fucking years?

I'm so tired.

So tired of everything.

My grandmother is dying.

She has cancer.

Maybe she'll have three months.

Maybe a year.

She's not really

there anymore anyways.

When she's gone,

I'll be alone.

I'll be completely alone.

I think about it sometimes,

you know?

The fire.

I was only three years old.

My dad fell asleep

on the couch.

My room was on the first floor.

He came in and he grabbed

me from my bed and

took me out to the garden.

I went back in for my mom.

All I remember is he

kissed me on the cheek

and he was crying.

I tasted his tears.

I'll never forget that

taste in my mouth.

When the police got there,

they said,

I burned my hands

reaching into the flames.

When anyone asked,

they said,

I didn't remember anything.

Because I didn't

want to remember.

But I knew what I did.

I wanted to touch the flames.

I wanted them to

swallow me too.

I always have.

People said that

My mom and dad were looking

down on me from heaven.

But I didn't feel it.

I didn't see it.

I didn't hear it.

I was alone.

Totally alone.

They were nowhere.

and I blame myself

that feeling never went away

then one day at school

After years have passed,

I talked to this girl

who I hated.

I thought she was a stuck-up,

prissy little bitch.

And she let me borrow her CD.

And

We started discussing bands and

hanging out and wearing

the same clothes and

going to gigs.

She was like me.

She was different.

Fucked up in some way.

At odds with this world.

But you had something

I didn't have.

You pushed me to do crazy shit.

We got high,

we got stoned,

we hit on boys.

It was

like us against the world.

I've had one constant my

whole life,

and that's been my grandmother.

When she's gone,

I'll be alone.

You're the only thing

I'm connected to,

Jackie.

That's why I'm here.

You're the only one that's

ever made me feel

like I'm a real

human being and not

a fucking zombie.

No.

I work at a club.

What kind of club?

I grind on guys.

Let me comb your hands.

You touch them.

They're colors.

I don't want to be like you.

I don't want to be like you.

Oh,

God!

Shh,

shh,

shh.

I want you to wait

five minutes and

then I want you to confine me,

okay?

Oh.

Ah!

Oh my god.

Oh.

Oh,

no.

What is it?

Oh my god!

Do it.

Do it.

Do it.

Do it.

Do it.

Do it.

Do it,

do it,

do it.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

Fuck.

Fuck,

thank you.

Thank you.

Fuck,

thank you.

Fuck,

thank you.

Fuck,

thank you.

Fuck,

thank you.

Fuck,

thank you.

What about my coat?

Put it in your mouth.

Oh,

my God.

Yes.

Hurry.

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Oh shit.

Is it good?

How's your body feeling?

Oh,

shit.

He's good.

He's good.

That's what I'm talking about.

Shake it.

Shake it.

Shake your fucking phone.

Oh my god!

Oh.

Oh.

It's good,

man.

It's good,

right?

Come on.

Put it in your mouth.

Come on.

Oh my God.

Come on.

Come on,

come on.

Oh my God.

Good boy,

guys.

Oh,

fuck.

Oh,

yes.

Hello?

When did this happen?

Last night.

I can't believe she's gone.

I'll be there later this

afternoon to

take care of everything.

Thank you.

Where are you going?

Union Station.

you