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1
00:00:12,791 --> 00:00:15,916
Please, please make it stop!
2
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:21,416
{\an8}No more biting nipple hamsters!
I beg you!
3
00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:25,916
I'm sorry I made my family watch movies
with the subtitles on!
4
00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:28,875
I repent! I repent!
5
00:00:28,958 --> 00:00:30,750
I'll take it from here.
6
00:00:30,833 --> 00:00:32,750
Hello, Doug.
7
00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:35,416
I am Beelzebub.
8
00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:37,833
If you thought this was painful,
9
00:00:37,916 --> 00:00:42,041
wait until the dark Mephistopheles
tortures you with...
10
00:00:42,125 --> 00:00:44,541
cringey dad jokes!
11
00:00:44,625 --> 00:00:48,708
Okay, where did
Gargle the Defiler keep his armies?
12
00:00:48,791 --> 00:00:49,708
Uh...
13
00:00:49,791 --> 00:00:52,416
In his sleevies!
14
00:00:55,541 --> 00:01:01,333
Beelzebub, the board
of directors wants to see you now.
15
00:01:01,416 --> 00:01:04,791
{\an8}Boy, am I glad your father isn't here
to see this.
16
00:01:04,875 --> 00:01:10,041
{\an8}He was the greatest Satan ever. The man
who designed the Trader Joe's parking lot.
17
00:01:10,125 --> 00:01:12,958
{\an8}Meanwhile, we're getting reports
that you're torturing humans
18
00:01:13,041 --> 00:01:18,208
with laggy internet, Baby Shark,
and horseradish-flavored Pepsi?
19
00:01:18,291 --> 00:01:20,958
Horseradish-flavored Diet Pepsi.
20
00:01:21,041 --> 00:01:23,916
And now,
we hear you're doing Segway tours.
21
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,875
You've added waterfront dining
to the River Styx.
22
00:01:26,958 --> 00:01:29,416
Look, we're sending you up to Earth.
23
00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:32,333
Heaven recently sent God there
in a cat's body,
24
00:01:32,416 --> 00:01:36,375
and we think that's a pretty good idea
we could steal as our own.
25
00:01:36,458 --> 00:01:38,583
Go up and work on your evil game.
26
00:01:38,666 --> 00:01:41,041
My evil game doesn't need work.
27
00:01:41,125 --> 00:01:43,541
Okay, bon voyage, Your Excellency.
28
00:01:52,208 --> 00:01:53,208
Oh!
29
00:02:02,250 --> 00:02:07,666
Long story short, I've come
to make your life here hell on earth!
30
00:02:08,250 --> 00:02:09,708
Mw-ha-ha-ha-ha...
31
00:02:12,458 --> 00:02:14,708
Yeah, is Hell even that bad?
32
00:02:14,791 --> 00:02:17,208
I heard it got way better
once you guys added that Fast Pass.
33
00:02:17,291 --> 00:02:21,166
I had to. The lines were insane.
I did make signing up annoying, though.
34
00:02:21,250 --> 00:02:23,875
There's a whole email confirmation step
and... Hey!
35
00:02:23,958 --> 00:02:28,625
As Lord Satan, I command you
to open this enchanted robot wall!
36
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:31,666
Open the door! Open it!
37
00:02:40,375 --> 00:02:44,666
Marv, Mr. Bulkington wants
to see you in his office right away.
38
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,500
{\an8}Marv,
some people might look down there
39
00:02:48,583 --> 00:02:50,500
{\an8}and just see folks shopping,
40
00:02:50,583 --> 00:02:56,708
but what I see is 640 ounces
of canola oil finding a new home.
41
00:02:56,791 --> 00:02:59,333
Y... Yes, sir. Very oily, sir.
42
00:02:59,416 --> 00:03:03,833
Marv, I called you in because
the world's biggest tartar sauce company
43
00:03:03,916 --> 00:03:06,041
approached us to do a promotion.
44
00:03:06,125 --> 00:03:09,208
As it happens,
our town of Horkville is where...
45
00:03:09,291 --> 00:03:11,916
Tartar sauce was invented in 1904,
46
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,708
when a mayonnaise wench was crushed
under a pickle wagon.
47
00:03:14,791 --> 00:03:19,541
Hey, I... I have a great idea.
Let's do a reenactment here in the store.
48
00:03:19,625 --> 00:03:22,333
You sure?
That's a lot to take on, isn't it?
49
00:03:22,416 --> 00:03:25,500
Sir, I've done reenactments my whole life.
50
00:03:25,583 --> 00:03:29,333
I've done Civil War,
Korean War, the War on Drugs.
51
00:03:29,416 --> 00:03:31,625
I played a methadone suppository.
52
00:03:31,708 --> 00:03:37,000
Okay, Higgins. If you pull this off,
it could mean a promotion.
53
00:03:37,083 --> 00:03:38,750
Now if you'll excuse me,
54
00:03:38,833 --> 00:03:41,750
I'm gonna go shoot paintballs
at the new bag boy.
55
00:03:41,833 --> 00:03:44,833
Made eye contact with me
in the parking lot. I won't have it.
56
00:03:54,250 --> 00:03:55,916
Must you do that, Mother?
57
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:59,375
Between the chains and the groaning,
you sound like a ghost with hemorrhoids.
58
00:03:59,958 --> 00:04:03,000
Hey, anyone seen
my catnip-infused teddy bear?
59
00:04:03,083 --> 00:04:05,000
I need a new afternoon activity,
60
00:04:05,083 --> 00:04:07,750
and I'm bored
of leaving dead seagulls in your hampers.
61
00:04:07,833 --> 00:04:11,625
What up, Mom? Hey, could you give
Aidan and me a ride to Big Bulk?
62
00:04:11,708 --> 00:04:14,000
We're going to do the Non-Toxic Challenge.
63
00:04:14,083 --> 00:04:17,375
It's when you see
how much non-toxic cleaning product
64
00:04:17,458 --> 00:04:20,000
you can drink
before you actually get sick.
65
00:04:20,083 --> 00:04:23,458
Okay, no more TikTok hashtag whatevers.
66
00:04:23,541 --> 00:04:27,375
You should be doing something useful,
like exercising with me.
67
00:04:27,458 --> 00:04:30,041
Yeah, no, I'm not taking you to Big Bulk.
68
00:04:31,666 --> 00:04:35,041
I can't believe you would embarrass me
in front of Aidan like that, Mom.
69
00:04:35,125 --> 00:04:38,333
Do you have any idea
how Internet-famous he is?
70
00:04:38,416 --> 00:04:40,708
He's "Kid Who Ate a Sack of Nickels."
71
00:04:41,875 --> 00:04:45,500
You guys, my boss asked me
to organize a re-enactment at work
72
00:04:45,583 --> 00:04:47,875
about the creation of tartar sauce.
73
00:04:47,958 --> 00:04:51,708
Wow. I haven't seen you this excited
since our wedding night.
74
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,791
I took him to Star Wars on Ice.
75
00:04:53,875 --> 00:04:55,833
Oh yes, I recall that tartar flood.
76
00:04:55,916 --> 00:04:58,291
I familiarized myself with it
when I made a diorama
77
00:04:58,375 --> 00:05:00,500
on corporate negligence
for personal amusement.
78
00:05:00,583 --> 00:05:04,125
This is why you spent prom night alone
at the Bug Museum.
79
00:05:04,208 --> 00:05:06,916
The tartar company cut safety protocols
to save money.
80
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:11,333
A vat came loose and unleashed a river
of tartar, drowning 23.
81
00:05:11,416 --> 00:05:14,541
Perhaps I could help.
A true father-daughter activity.
82
00:05:14,625 --> 00:05:18,791
Ah. That's what my dad used to call it
when he made me play catch.
83
00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:27,250
You dare tip over my food bowl.
84
00:05:27,333 --> 00:05:32,250
Who, me? Beelzebub, Lady Of Darkness,
whose mission on Earth is to torture you?
85
00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:34,291
Mw-ha-ha-ha-ha!
86
00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:37,083
I mean, "torture" is a strong word.
87
00:05:37,166 --> 00:05:39,416
Let's face it, you're bad at your job.
88
00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:40,875
That's why they sent you here.
89
00:05:40,958 --> 00:05:44,750
Ah-oh. They made a mistake
sending me here. I am evil.
90
00:05:44,833 --> 00:05:48,250
Why do you think I stole all the jewels
from your sandy treasure chest?
91
00:05:48,333 --> 00:05:50,208
"Sandy treasure chest"?
92
00:05:50,291 --> 00:05:52,500
Wait, do you still not know
what a litter box is?
93
00:05:52,583 --> 00:05:56,458
Enough! You don't think I'm evil?
Well, take a look at your friend.
94
00:05:56,541 --> 00:06:01,041
{\an8}Teddy McYummyBelly? No!
95
00:06:01,125 --> 00:06:02,916
Oh!
96
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:06,125
That is it. It's go time!
97
00:06:06,208 --> 00:06:07,916
This is the big fight.
98
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,875
Good versus evil.
99
00:06:11,083 --> 00:06:13,750
Foolish, pot-bellied cat God,
100
00:06:13,833 --> 00:06:15,333
evil always wins.
101
00:06:21,708 --> 00:06:22,916
No.
102
00:06:25,666 --> 00:06:27,125
Whoa.
103
00:06:27,208 --> 00:06:29,583
Look at those dumb cats.
104
00:06:29,666 --> 00:06:31,958
I've got to put this on my livestream.
105
00:06:46,916 --> 00:06:50,458
Wow! He went off like chili
in the microwave, didn't he?
106
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:57,583
And so, in summation, I'm sorry.
Yes, I'm here on Earth to become evil,
107
00:06:57,666 --> 00:07:01,083
but I didn't intend to incinerate children
using magical fireballs.
108
00:07:01,166 --> 00:07:03,958
Well, maybe children who cry on airplanes,
but no other children.
109
00:07:04,041 --> 00:07:05,666
Look. We all wanna murder Aidan,
110
00:07:05,750 --> 00:07:07,500
but there's a stupid law
that says we can't.
111
00:07:07,583 --> 00:07:09,583
So, go up to Heaven and bring him back.
112
00:07:09,666 --> 00:07:13,416
You think we'd let
that walking vape pen into Heaven?
113
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:16,166
He's like an onion ring
that learned how to cuss.
114
00:07:16,250 --> 00:07:19,208
Wait, Aidan is in... Hell?
115
00:07:19,291 --> 00:07:22,208
Teenagers don't go to Hell.
They go to heck. It's like juvie.
116
00:07:22,291 --> 00:07:25,708
If you behave, you get reincarnated
into a butterfly or whatever.
117
00:07:25,791 --> 00:07:27,166
If not, you go to Hell.
118
00:07:27,250 --> 00:07:29,125
Demons barbecue your nuts,
119
00:07:29,208 --> 00:07:32,208
eat your boobs,
do Borat impressions, all that.
120
00:07:32,291 --> 00:07:33,583
Well, we've got to get him back!
121
00:07:33,666 --> 00:07:35,833
I actually shouldn't be telling you this,
122
00:07:35,916 --> 00:07:39,458
but there is a way you can sneak down
and bring him back.
123
00:07:39,541 --> 00:07:41,708
Either I can enchant a porta-potty
124
00:07:41,791 --> 00:07:44,833
that's been marinating
in the sun for two days,
125
00:07:44,916 --> 00:07:47,666
or you can walk in
through an Imagine Dragons concert.
126
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:55,708
You'll be fine. Oh, and don't forget
to get out of there in under two hours,
127
00:07:55,791 --> 00:07:58,333
or you'll be stuck there forever.
Okay, bye.
128
00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:06,625
Wait, I forgot.
I'm gonna need a can opener
129
00:08:06,708 --> 00:08:10,708
because I'm about to open
a whoop can of ass.
130
00:08:10,791 --> 00:08:15,000
I hope you like unbearably long stretches
of excruciating pain.
131
00:08:15,083 --> 00:08:19,791
Ha! Are you kidding me?
I'm the one who invented open mic nights.
132
00:08:19,875 --> 00:08:21,458
Let's do this.
133
00:08:21,541 --> 00:08:24,291
- Armageddon!
- Armageddon!
134
00:08:24,875 --> 00:08:27,666
Wait, doesn't like the sky rain blood,
135
00:08:27,750 --> 00:08:29,583
or the Earth opens up or something?
136
00:08:29,666 --> 00:08:31,250
What's it say in that book you wrote?
137
00:08:31,333 --> 00:08:33,000
Um...
138
00:08:33,083 --> 00:08:37,083
Oh stop! I knew it.
You didn't write a word of that book.
139
00:08:37,166 --> 00:08:40,083
I sat in
on the blue sky session with the writers,
140
00:08:40,166 --> 00:08:43,416
and I came up with the title
"The Holly Bibble."
141
00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:44,500
Hmm.
142
00:08:44,583 --> 00:08:47,250
If this is the actual big-time Armageddon,
143
00:08:47,333 --> 00:08:49,500
aren't we gonna need like
a plague of locusts?
144
00:08:49,583 --> 00:08:50,750
Where do we get those?
145
00:08:53,291 --> 00:08:57,250
Now, Kendra, remember: you love your
husband, but not romantically.
146
00:08:57,333 --> 00:09:00,833
He's a decent man,
but your true soulmate is your cousin.
147
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:04,291
{\an8}Hey, Roy. We're better than single ply.
148
00:09:04,375 --> 00:09:08,041
{\an8}We're in the theater business now.
I got to have that quad ply.
149
00:09:08,625 --> 00:09:11,958
Greta, I think I'm really getting the hang
of this director thing.
150
00:09:12,041 --> 00:09:15,458
I just screamed
at my assistant for like no reason.
151
00:09:15,541 --> 00:09:18,833
Wow. So how are you going to depict
the deadly tartar flood?
152
00:09:18,916 --> 00:09:22,541
I saw some frozen turkeys in aisle two
that you can dress up as drowned corpses.
153
00:09:22,625 --> 00:09:24,625
People don't want to see all that.
154
00:09:24,708 --> 00:09:27,541
You can't just skip over the fact
that people died.
155
00:09:27,625 --> 00:09:30,375
That'd be like directing Titanic
but cutting out the guy
156
00:09:30,458 --> 00:09:34,291
who bounced off the smokestack.
Corporate greed cannot dictate history.
157
00:09:34,375 --> 00:09:37,500
Corporate greed? Ha. Sounds like Big Bulk.
158
00:09:37,583 --> 00:09:40,291
Old Percy here got his arm caught
in the trash compactor,
159
00:09:40,375 --> 00:09:42,791
and they wouldn't even pay
for a proper prosthetic.
160
00:09:42,875 --> 00:09:46,625
Yeah, and, you know, the employee restroom
is just a bucket out back.
161
00:09:46,708 --> 00:09:50,458
{\an8}I never get lunch breaks,
and our dental plan is just a shoebox
162
00:09:50,541 --> 00:09:53,333
{\an8}full of loose teeth they found
in the parking lot.
163
00:09:53,416 --> 00:09:56,000
{\an8}- Not fair. I'm trying to keep my job.
- This is ridiculous.
164
00:09:56,083 --> 00:09:57,833
{\an8}- I got no benefits.
- I need sustenance.
165
00:09:57,916 --> 00:10:01,583
{\an8}Are you all familiar
with the term "collective bargaining"? No?
166
00:10:01,666 --> 00:10:05,375
{\an8}Have you ever seen a lion being
devoured by hyenas? Same principle.
167
00:10:05,458 --> 00:10:08,583
But, Greta, we were supposed to...
168
00:10:08,666 --> 00:10:11,041
Marv, I have the new script pages
169
00:10:11,125 --> 00:10:14,083
for the love scene
between the pickle and the mayonnaise.
170
00:10:14,166 --> 00:10:15,000
Agh!
171
00:10:15,083 --> 00:10:19,041
I said NC-17, damn it. This is barely R!
172
00:10:21,083 --> 00:10:24,958
Whoa. We're in Hell.
Uh, Heck, I guess.
173
00:10:25,041 --> 00:10:27,250
What is Hell for a teenager?
174
00:10:28,375 --> 00:10:32,166
TJ Maxx on a Saturday?
175
00:10:39,083 --> 00:10:42,000
The crotch looks loose.
Is the crotch loose?
176
00:10:42,083 --> 00:10:43,666
No!
177
00:10:43,750 --> 00:10:46,291
Oh. I think I'm gonna be sick.
178
00:10:46,375 --> 00:10:49,625
Come on.
Aidan is probably a few levels in by now.
179
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,958
Agh! I don't know
why you hang out with that kid anyway.
180
00:10:53,041 --> 00:10:55,041
Um, because his life is dope,
181
00:10:55,125 --> 00:10:58,041
and his folks
don't diss everything he likes.
182
00:10:58,125 --> 00:11:00,666
They leave him home alone
for weeks at a time.
183
00:11:00,750 --> 00:11:03,541
Yesterday, I got to pet a deer
that wandered through the living room.
184
00:11:03,625 --> 00:11:07,125
A wooden plaque
with two mice doing house chores?
185
00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:08,666
Ooh. Sold!
186
00:11:08,750 --> 00:11:11,166
{\an8}Unauthorized adult!
Unauthorized adult!
187
00:11:11,250 --> 00:11:13,916
Unauthorized adult! Unauthorized adult!
188
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:17,250
Unauthorized adult! Unauthorized adult!
189
00:11:21,291 --> 00:11:24,416
Okay, where would Armageddon be?
190
00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:26,583
I guess I'll just start at the end.
191
00:11:26,666 --> 00:11:29,666
So the label on the locusts says
they're all freeze-dried.
192
00:11:29,750 --> 00:11:32,000
We can toss 'em in the air fryer
to wake 'em up.
193
00:11:32,083 --> 00:11:38,166
Armageddon, pages 1113 through 1272? Oof.
194
00:11:38,250 --> 00:11:39,125
Hey, look!
195
00:11:41,083 --> 00:11:42,708
This will be a time saver.
196
00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:50,333
Welcome to the second level of Heck,
197
00:11:50,416 --> 00:11:53,500
where you'll be doing
the Presidential Fitness Challenge.
198
00:11:54,541 --> 00:11:58,541
First, you're gonna climb,
then you're gonna pull...
199
00:12:00,041 --> 00:12:04,333
...then you're gonna run against
roided-out cheetahs.
200
00:12:05,916 --> 00:12:08,666
Look, there's the exit. Let's go.
201
00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:10,458
Then I want 50 push-ups,
202
00:12:10,541 --> 00:12:14,958
or I make you all wear short shorts
that haven't been washed since the '90s!
203
00:12:15,041 --> 00:12:16,208
Quick, sit-ups.
204
00:12:16,708 --> 00:12:20,000
Okay. When the coach moves,
make a break for that exit.
205
00:12:20,083 --> 00:12:21,750
Travis, your form. Ugh.
206
00:12:21,833 --> 00:12:24,166
This is what you always wanted, right?
207
00:12:24,250 --> 00:12:27,666
Me being forced to do something miserable
and sweaty with you.
208
00:12:27,750 --> 00:12:30,833
Like when you signed
us up for "Mommy and Me Krav Maga."
209
00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:34,791
Sorry for wanting
to spend quality time with my child
210
00:12:34,875 --> 00:12:37,666
while giving him the gift
of improved core strength.
211
00:12:37,750 --> 00:12:42,125
You know, when I was 14,
I was already Regional Sit-Up Champion.
212
00:12:42,208 --> 00:12:44,750
Oh, your mom must have been so proud.
213
00:12:44,833 --> 00:12:48,708
I'm sure she hung it up next to your
Cross-Fitted Lumber Squats trophy.
214
00:12:48,791 --> 00:12:52,458
Pfft! Ah! Wrong. My mother never hung up
any of my awards.
215
00:12:52,541 --> 00:12:55,125
In fact, she didn't approve
of anything I liked.
216
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:57,625
That's why I left home to join the Navy.
217
00:12:57,708 --> 00:12:59,500
Really, that's why we don't...
218
00:13:00,166 --> 00:13:02,833
That's why we don't speak anymore.
219
00:13:06,750 --> 00:13:09,916
Please, no more. Make it stop!
220
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:11,916
That's him! Let's go.
221
00:13:25,250 --> 00:13:29,375
Please, I don't need a tea cozy.
I don't even drink tea.
222
00:13:29,458 --> 00:13:32,125
Oh, dear God, I hate arts and crafts.
223
00:13:32,208 --> 00:13:36,083
I remember when hamburgers cost a nickel.
224
00:13:36,166 --> 00:13:40,750
Oh yes. A hammy fiver.
Richard used to love those.
225
00:13:40,833 --> 00:13:43,333
This was before the war, of course.
226
00:13:43,416 --> 00:13:45,000
Please stop.
227
00:13:45,083 --> 00:13:47,041
Nobody knows who Richard is.
228
00:13:47,125 --> 00:13:49,666
What war?
229
00:13:49,750 --> 00:13:54,208
How many megapixels do I need
if I wanna call my grandson?
230
00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:57,458
I have some AOL floppies in my purse.
231
00:13:57,541 --> 00:14:00,416
Wait, wait. Wait, there it goes.
I'm getting his voicemail.
232
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:04,041
Hello? Philip? It's me, Nana.
233
00:14:04,125 --> 00:14:06,250
Dot com. How are the kids?
234
00:14:06,333 --> 00:14:10,250
I saw this documentary the other day
about processed corn.
235
00:14:11,416 --> 00:14:14,833
Nobody wants that kind of voice mail!
236
00:14:14,916 --> 00:14:16,083
We've got to help him.
237
00:14:16,166 --> 00:14:17,791
I have an idea.
238
00:14:19,625 --> 00:14:20,833
Werther's Originals!
239
00:14:20,916 --> 00:14:23,583
{\an8}Your favorite! Go get 'em.
240
00:14:27,958 --> 00:14:31,458
All these years,
I wondered what the fifth element was.
241
00:14:32,416 --> 00:14:35,500
Turns out, it's love.
242
00:14:36,791 --> 00:14:38,791
{\an8}Who is this Bruce Willis?
243
00:14:38,875 --> 00:14:40,875
{\an8}Is he some God I don't know?
244
00:14:40,958 --> 00:14:43,291
{\an8}I've never seen him at any of the meetups.
245
00:14:43,375 --> 00:14:46,916
{\an8}Yo, Marv. Where's that sample stand
with the mini crab cakes?
246
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:49,166
{\an8}Not now. I'm trying to bond with Greta,
247
00:14:49,250 --> 00:14:51,291
but she convinced my employees
to strike and...
248
00:14:51,375 --> 00:14:53,458
Uh-huh. Yeah.
Kids say the darndest things.
249
00:14:53,541 --> 00:14:56,416
Anyhow, where can a cat get
some crab cakes
250
00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:59,083
{\an8}before he starts
the Look Who's Talking trilogy?
251
00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:00,666
{\an8}Hey, when I was looking for locusts,
252
00:15:00,750 --> 00:15:04,291
{\an8}I grabbed this.
It was the last one on the shelf.
253
00:15:04,375 --> 00:15:07,666
{\an8}A new Teddy McYummyBelly?
254
00:15:07,750 --> 00:15:10,916
{\an8}Mmm. That's a nice strain of nip.
255
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:15,000
{\an8}Sweet, piney,
with just a hint of raccoon scat.
256
00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:20,958
{\an8}This has been nice. I can't remember
the last time I watched a movie.
257
00:15:21,041 --> 00:15:22,916
{\an8}My schedule is just blah.
258
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:26,416
Ugh! Same. Between the emails
and the Zoom calls.
259
00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:30,541
Like, hey, where's the calendar invite
for living my life?
260
00:15:30,625 --> 00:15:32,458
Totally. Thank you.
261
00:15:32,541 --> 00:15:36,083
Actually, after I finish working
on my evil game,
262
00:15:36,166 --> 00:15:38,791
I figured I'd take a few days
for myself up here.
263
00:15:38,875 --> 00:15:40,791
Hey. Any recommendations for a demon?
264
00:15:40,875 --> 00:15:42,708
Oh, you would love Florida.
265
00:15:42,791 --> 00:15:45,375
When I was shaping the continents,
I thought it'd be funny
266
00:15:45,458 --> 00:15:47,833
to make America look like
it had a flaccid penis.
267
00:15:47,916 --> 00:15:51,291
Then I filled it base to tip
with human garbage.
268
00:15:51,791 --> 00:15:53,041
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
269
00:15:57,583 --> 00:15:58,750
{\an8}What did you do that for?
270
00:15:58,833 --> 00:16:01,625
I just figured
it'd screw over that Marv guy.
271
00:16:01,708 --> 00:16:03,416
Be evil. You get it.
272
00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:07,625
Also, destroying things
while in cat form? Super satisfying.
273
00:16:07,708 --> 00:16:08,833
Whoa!
274
00:16:08,916 --> 00:16:11,458
I'm trying to help
Marv and the family, and...
275
00:16:11,541 --> 00:16:14,875
Wait a minute.
I just remembered I hate you.
276
00:16:14,958 --> 00:16:17,208
Oh yeah! I hate you too.
277
00:16:17,291 --> 00:16:21,916
Okay, Armageddon is back on,
and there's a stage right here
278
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:25,250
so everyone can watch me
Marie Kondo your organs!
279
00:16:25,333 --> 00:16:26,166
One hour.
280
00:16:26,250 --> 00:16:27,083
Fine!
281
00:16:38,750 --> 00:16:40,666
Oh, oh. Oh, Linda!
282
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:43,041
Oh, Keith!
283
00:16:43,125 --> 00:16:44,333
Mom?
284
00:16:44,416 --> 00:16:47,000
Oh, Stepdad Keith?
285
00:16:51,833 --> 00:16:55,125
Oh God! So much body hair!
286
00:16:55,208 --> 00:16:57,916
And none of it in the places I want!
287
00:16:58,583 --> 00:17:02,916
Now playing Abbie Higgins'
most listened to song on Spotify.
288
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:06,166
♪ Wake me up! Wake me up inside... ♪
289
00:17:11,541 --> 00:17:14,833
- The hallways are just getting longer.
- Stop. Hold on.
290
00:17:14,916 --> 00:17:16,791
When I did the #selfhelpchallenge,
291
00:17:16,875 --> 00:17:19,750
I had to learn to face my demons
using nonlinear thinking.
292
00:17:19,833 --> 00:17:21,416
We can't keep running from them.
293
00:17:28,166 --> 00:17:30,375
Okay. We're almost out of...
294
00:17:31,666 --> 00:17:32,875
Agh!
295
00:17:32,958 --> 00:17:34,958
What... What are they?
296
00:17:35,041 --> 00:17:36,666
My worst enemies.
297
00:17:36,750 --> 00:17:38,500
They are trolls.
298
00:17:38,583 --> 00:17:40,958
It's the "horky-porky" kid.
299
00:17:41,041 --> 00:17:43,875
He went viral for dancing the hokey-pokey.
300
00:17:43,958 --> 00:17:48,541
♪ You put your right foot in
You put your left foot out ♪
301
00:17:50,625 --> 00:17:54,416
Hey, he was like four years old.
He hadn't even learned to wipe yet.
302
00:17:58,875 --> 00:18:02,041
No, Mom, don't.
You can't use logic with trolls.
303
00:18:02,125 --> 00:18:03,458
They'll just multiply.
304
00:18:03,541 --> 00:18:06,958
Just ignore the idiotic things they say,
no matter how hard it is.
305
00:18:07,458 --> 00:18:12,541
- You'll never go viral for anything else.
- Pineapple on pizza's delicious.
306
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:13,625
Avatar rocked.
307
00:18:13,666 --> 00:18:16,500
Ben Affleck is the best Batman!
308
00:18:17,333 --> 00:18:19,666
Please, react. Please!
309
00:18:19,750 --> 00:18:23,333
If you don't react, we don't exist!
310
00:18:23,416 --> 00:18:24,666
No!
311
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:33,541
Ladies and Gentlemen,
please welcome Imagine Dragons!
312
00:18:37,208 --> 00:18:38,625
Daytime manager Higgins,
313
00:18:38,708 --> 00:18:41,875
I've been sent here by your labor force
with a list of their demands.
314
00:18:43,333 --> 00:18:44,708
Bathroom breaks?
315
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:45,916
Name tags?
316
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:50,708
Look, if people cared what our names were,
we wouldn't be working at Big Bulk.
317
00:18:50,791 --> 00:18:54,083
We'd be working somewhere fancy,
like Kmart.
318
00:18:54,875 --> 00:18:58,083
Very well. Workers, we strike!
319
00:19:01,125 --> 00:19:04,916
Strike! Strike! Strike!
Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!
320
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:08,458
- Strike!
- Well, the show must go on.
321
00:19:19,750 --> 00:19:23,583
Suit-ius Carne Asad-ius!
322
00:19:25,750 --> 00:19:28,916
Time to meat your maker.
323
00:19:37,333 --> 00:19:39,458
All-day comfort and protection!
324
00:19:41,041 --> 00:19:42,541
Sorry. I didn't have a line prepared.
325
00:19:42,625 --> 00:19:45,166
I just read the first thing I saw
on the tampon box.
326
00:19:46,291 --> 00:19:47,291
Armageddon!
327
00:19:54,416 --> 00:19:56,000
Ya, ha, ha.
328
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:17,333
That's my bad hamstring,
the one I pulled in that three-way.
329
00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:28,291
Oh the pain!
330
00:20:28,375 --> 00:20:31,625
My arm! It was USDA prime.
331
00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:32,833
Possibly Wagyu.
332
00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:37,291
Now it's time for you
to Die Hard with a Vengeance.
333
00:20:42,416 --> 00:20:43,583
I can't do it.
334
00:20:43,666 --> 00:20:45,875
'Tis not the way of Lord Willis.
335
00:20:55,250 --> 00:20:57,875
Help! I can't swim!
336
00:20:58,875 --> 00:21:00,458
Yippee-ki-yay, mother...
337
00:21:01,583 --> 00:21:05,666
Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!
Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!
338
00:21:08,791 --> 00:21:10,416
Strike! Strike! Strike!
339
00:21:15,041 --> 00:21:16,083
Look out!
340
00:21:21,958 --> 00:21:22,791
Ha!
341
00:21:22,875 --> 00:21:24,041
Father!
342
00:21:24,125 --> 00:21:26,833
The absorption coefficient.
How did you know?
343
00:21:26,916 --> 00:21:30,666
Like I said, we got to have that quad ply.
344
00:21:32,250 --> 00:21:35,125
Yeah, it... It was earlier.
You... You weren't there.
345
00:21:38,375 --> 00:21:40,041
You saved my life.
346
00:21:40,125 --> 00:21:43,083
Yeah. It's no big deal. I just...
347
00:21:45,333 --> 00:21:49,291
- Teddy! Hold on! I'm coming for...
- No! Godcat, it's too dangerous!
348
00:21:50,916 --> 00:21:53,416
No!
349
00:21:53,916 --> 00:21:55,041
This is your fault.
350
00:21:55,125 --> 00:21:58,833
Back off or next time,
you'll be served here as a free sample.
351
00:21:58,916 --> 00:22:01,666
Wait, you're saying I was so evil today
352
00:22:02,166 --> 00:22:05,250
I made your life a living hell?
353
00:22:05,333 --> 00:22:06,250
It's working!
354
00:22:06,333 --> 00:22:08,916
Earth is making me horrible!
355
00:22:10,833 --> 00:22:14,625
Hey, buddy. I'm sorry I didn't drive you
here when you asked.
356
00:22:14,708 --> 00:22:18,416
Look, my mom never cared
about the things I was into,
357
00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:23,625
but I wanna be involved in your life.
Otherwise, you might become like Aidan.
358
00:22:23,708 --> 00:22:27,166
Not a chance. You have no idea
how much shampoo I've seen him drink.
359
00:22:27,250 --> 00:22:29,458
Suck it!
360
00:22:34,541 --> 00:22:35,666
Greta, listen.
361
00:22:35,750 --> 00:22:38,333
I'm sorry I didn't walk the picket line
with you.
362
00:22:38,416 --> 00:22:41,750
I got too caught up
in trying to make you think I was cool.
363
00:22:41,833 --> 00:22:44,625
Father, I think you're cooler
than absolute zero.
364
00:22:44,708 --> 00:22:47,750
Hey, my dad used to call me
absolute zero too.
365
00:22:47,833 --> 00:22:49,041
Mmm.
366
00:22:49,666 --> 00:22:52,125
It... It was mean when... when he said it.
367
00:22:52,208 --> 00:22:53,208
I know.
368
00:22:53,708 --> 00:22:56,000
Hey, everybody gather 'round.
369
00:22:56,833 --> 00:22:58,750
Look what I got for you.
370
00:22:58,833 --> 00:23:00,875
Name tags!
371
00:23:01,583 --> 00:23:02,416
Ooh.
372
00:23:06,625 --> 00:23:09,458
It has my name. My name!
373
00:23:12,541 --> 00:23:16,208
Stupid devil, can't even swim.
374
00:23:16,291 --> 00:23:19,375
How does she expect to run Hell?
If I...
375
00:23:53,916 --> 00:23:57,666
I'm never letting you go.
30348
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