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1
00:00:00,634 --> 00:00:02,603
* Freeze frame!
2
00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:09,043
You remembered to put an
extra pair of socks on, right?
3
00:00:09,077 --> 00:00:10,010
Yes, ma'am.
4
00:00:10,044 --> 00:00:11,645
WEATHERMAN (on TV):
Today in New York City,
5
00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:13,714
expect a lot of snow,
and it's coming down fast.
6
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:16,650
We've had six inches reported
the last hour in Manhattan
7
00:00:16,684 --> 00:00:19,420
and four inches in Park Slope.
8
00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:21,155
Mom, do I have
to go to school?
9
00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:22,756
I mean, it's snowing
like crazy.
10
00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:24,692
(sighs)
It's snow, Chris,
not Armageddon,
11
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:25,759
Now hurry up.
12
00:00:25,793 --> 00:00:28,229
You know the buses are
going to be running slow.
13
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:29,430
Go.
14
00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:30,631
CHRIS ROCK:
Because my mother wanted us
15
00:00:30,664 --> 00:00:32,433
to get the best education
possible,
16
00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:36,270
as long as school was open,
we had to go no matter what.
17
00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:38,672
Ooh, baby.
18
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,408
Your temperature is 103.
19
00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:42,110
Can I stay home from school?
20
00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:44,178
No. Just put this ice
pack under your hat.
21
00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:45,213
You'll be all right.
22
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:49,817
Ooh, baby, I think
you got food poisoning.
23
00:00:49,850 --> 00:00:50,851
Can I stay home
from school?
24
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,620
No.
Drink this ipecac.
25
00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:53,687
You'll be all right.
26
00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:54,588
While I was on the road,
27
00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:56,490
Drew and Tonya were
on the couch.
28
00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:58,692
Okay, come on,
y'all, let's go.
29
00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:00,794
...and Saint Seraphim
Elementary.
30
00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:03,264
In Bedford Stuyvesant,
latest school closings
31
00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:04,632
include Linville Elementary,
32
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:07,801
Lamont Sanford Junior High,
and Dolemite Elementary.
33
00:01:07,835 --> 00:01:09,470
(screams)
Ooh, yes!
34
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:10,804
School is closed!
Yeah!
35
00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:12,740
(singsongy):
We're staying home from school.
It's cold out there.
36
00:01:12,773 --> 00:01:14,108
We're staying home
from school.
What's going on?
37
00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:15,809
Our school just closed.
38
00:01:15,843 --> 00:01:17,245
What?
Yeah, we get
to stay home.
39
00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:18,379
Yeah!
Where's Chris?
40
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,747
He already left.
41
00:01:19,780 --> 00:01:20,714
His school's not closed?
42
00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:22,816
Well, they didn't
mention it on the news.
43
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:24,385
Is he going to be all right?
44
00:01:24,418 --> 00:01:25,753
Oh, I'm sure
he'll be fine, baby.
45
00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:26,620
But look,
I got to go.
46
00:01:26,654 --> 00:01:27,855
I left your breakfast
on the stove.
47
00:01:27,888 --> 00:01:30,858
Wait. Drew and Tonya are
going to be here all day?
48
00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:32,793
What? You got another home
to take them to?
49
00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:34,228
I got to go,
baby, I'm late.
50
00:01:34,262 --> 00:01:35,496
Love you.
51
00:01:35,529 --> 00:01:37,831
Meanwhile, there were more kids
at my house
52
00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:39,600
than there were at my school.
53
00:01:44,872 --> 00:01:47,775
Hello?
54
00:01:47,808 --> 00:01:49,877
Is anyone here?
55
00:01:49,910 --> 00:01:52,813
I wouldn't put it past all
the other kids to hide from me.
56
00:01:52,846 --> 00:02:02,890
Captioning sponsored by
CBS PARAMOUNT NETWORK
TELEVISION
57
00:02:02,890 --> 00:02:12,900
Captioning sponsored by
CBS PARAMOUNT NETWORK
TELEVISION
58
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:33,787
Whoa!
59
00:02:33,821 --> 00:02:35,789
Man, what is wrong with you,
sneaking up on people?
60
00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,191
Chris, what are
you doing here?
61
00:02:37,225 --> 00:02:38,926
School was
cancelled today.
62
00:02:38,959 --> 00:02:39,793
Since when?
63
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:41,962
They announced it
about an hour ago.
64
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,964
I left the house
an hour and a half ago.
65
00:02:43,997 --> 00:02:47,468
Well, I suppose we should
see about getting you home.
66
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:49,803
Even though Principal Edwards
had traveled the world,
67
00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:52,406
he couldn't get me
back to Brooklyn.
68
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:54,675
I'm sorry, Chris,
I can't let you go.
69
00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:55,809
Why not?
70
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,845
Our phones are out.
71
00:02:57,878 --> 00:02:59,347
You're not allowed
to leave school
72
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:02,416
without the consent
of a parent or guardian.
73
00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:03,617
So you're saying
the only reason why
74
00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:04,852
I can't leave
is 'cause I'm here?
75
00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:07,221
That, my friend,
is a paradox.
76
00:03:07,255 --> 00:03:08,722
(gong rings)
77
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:09,990
Sounds more like C-block.
78
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:11,792
Why would your mother
79
00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:13,994
allow you to go out
in weather like this?
80
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,329
She's crazy.
81
00:03:15,363 --> 00:03:16,864
She doesn't like us
to miss school.
82
00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:19,867
Let's not disappoint her.
83
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:23,471
While I was getting snowed in,
back at home, the word was out.
84
00:03:23,504 --> 00:03:25,906
To repeat, city buses
are experiencing delays
85
00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:27,541
of up to four hours
86
00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:29,977
due to closings
and hazardous conditions.
87
00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:32,880
Now here's a list
of the latest school closures.
88
00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:34,282
Corleone Junior High...
89
00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:36,450
Daddy, look, Chris'
school is closed.
90
00:03:36,484 --> 00:03:37,918
What?
91
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:40,254
DREW:
Oh, see, it says Corleone
Junior High School.
92
00:03:40,288 --> 00:03:42,656
If his school is closed,
how come he hasn't called?
93
00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:44,558
Maybe he got trapped
in a snowdrift
94
00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:46,460
and had to eat
his own mouth to survive.
95
00:03:46,494 --> 00:03:48,829
That's a thought.
96
00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:50,331
Where are you going?
97
00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:51,999
I'm going to get your brother.
98
00:03:52,032 --> 00:03:52,900
Who's going to
stay with us?
99
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:55,869
Oh... I'll be right back.
100
00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,638
Even though
the weather was horrible,
101
00:03:57,671 --> 00:03:59,039
my mother liked riding
the subway.
102
00:03:59,072 --> 00:04:01,675
Being with strangers is
a lot less stressful
103
00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:02,743
than being with your family.
104
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,645
This is a stickup!
(screams)
105
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:05,646
Shut up!
106
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:07,581
Aw, damn.
Aw, damn.
107
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,419
CONDUCTOR (over speaker):
We're sorry for the sudden stop.
108
00:04:11,452 --> 00:04:12,320
If you'll all remain seated,
109
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:13,854
we'll be on our way
in a few minutes.
110
00:04:13,887 --> 00:04:15,923
Aw, damn!
111
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:17,658
Well?
112
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:19,427
"Well" nothing.
113
00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:20,828
This is still a stickup.
114
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:22,563
(screams)
115
00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:24,365
Will you be quiet?
116
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:27,901
I was the only one in school,
117
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:30,971
but Principal Edwards handled
things by the book.
118
00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:32,039
He took attendance.
119
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:34,342
Caroline?
120
00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:35,443
Chris?
121
00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:37,044
Here.
122
00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:39,847
Chris.
123
00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,014
Eddie?
124
00:04:41,048 --> 00:04:42,583
We said
the Pledge of Allegiance.
125
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:45,786
BOTH:
One nation, under God,
indivisible
126
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:48,922
with liberty
and justice for all.
127
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:50,758
Since I was the only one
in class,
128
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,626
he let me say
the Black Pledge of Allegiance.
129
00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:55,095
BOTH:
One nation under a groove
130
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:58,098
getting down just
for the funk of it.
131
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,834
One nation
and we're on the move.
132
00:05:00,868 --> 00:05:04,438
Nothing can stop us now.
133
00:05:04,472 --> 00:05:06,707
After lunch,
we sang "Aqua Boogie."
134
00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:11,044
After that, we got down
to serious business.
135
00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:12,946
All right, class.
136
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:17,951
First up, I'm giving you
a quiz on Pearl Harbor.
137
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:22,089
What? Ms. Morello didn't have
a quiz planned for today.
138
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:26,794
Consider it a surprise,
just like Pearl Harbor.
139
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,663
Eyes on your own paper.
140
00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:32,132
My father couldn't leave
Drew and Tonya home alone,
141
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:34,034
because if you pull
that Home Alone crap
142
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:36,103
in a black neighborhood,
they take away your kids.
143
00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:37,104
Can I help you?
144
00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:38,138
I was looking
for Mr. Omar.
145
00:05:38,171 --> 00:05:39,973
Oh, hey,
Mr. Julius.
146
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,042
Yeah, this is my friend
Mrs. Booker.
147
00:05:42,075 --> 00:05:43,744
I'm sorry about your husband.
148
00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:46,046
Yeah, caught a deadly case
of botulism.
149
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,047
Tragic, tragic.
150
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,115
How did you know...
151
00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:51,051
Baby, why don't you go
and put that record on for me?
152
00:05:51,084 --> 00:05:52,420
(chuckles)
Okay.
153
00:05:55,523 --> 00:05:57,558
Yeah, wha-- so, uh,
what can I do for you?
154
00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:58,959
I need to pick
Chris up from school
155
00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:00,494
and I was wondering if
you could keep an eye
156
00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:02,095
on Drew and Tonya
till I get back?
157
00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:04,665
Mr. Omar had another back
to keep an eye on.
158
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,099
Yeah, can't you get
somebody else, man?
159
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:07,034
I really need your help.
160
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:09,537
I mean, all you got to
do is check on them.
161
00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:10,771
They'll be easy,
I promise.
162
00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:12,540
Speaking of easy...
163
00:06:12,573 --> 00:06:13,674
I don't know, man.
164
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:15,075
I'll take ten dollars
off the rent.
165
00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:16,510
I'll be down in a minute.
166
00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:18,111
Thank you.
167
00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:20,448
Any questions?
168
00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:21,482
Anyone?
169
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:24,752
Yes, Chris?
170
00:06:24,785 --> 00:06:28,722
I'm the only one in the
entire city that's in school.
171
00:06:28,756 --> 00:06:31,191
So, why should I have to learn
when everybody else is sitting
172
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,160
on their couch watching
The Price Is Right?
173
00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:37,631
Chris, the true measure
of a man is not what he does
174
00:06:37,665 --> 00:06:39,633
when he is being watched.
175
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:43,103
It's what he does
when he is alone.
176
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,639
Technically, this isn't
a real school day.
177
00:06:45,673 --> 00:06:48,809
If you haven't noticed,
I'm not supposed to be here.
178
00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:51,411
So why should
I take classes?
179
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:54,648
All right.
180
00:06:54,682 --> 00:06:57,084
Do whatever you want.
181
00:06:57,117 --> 00:07:00,554
So you're saying that if I get
up and walk out of that door,
182
00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:02,089
you won't do anything
to stop me?
183
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:04,157
No.
184
00:07:04,191 --> 00:07:05,793
Good-bye.
185
00:07:05,826 --> 00:07:06,927
As I was storming out,
186
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,962
the storm outside
was picking up.
187
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,067
I haven't seen
188
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:15,536
a sea of white like this
189
00:07:15,569 --> 00:07:17,437
since the Republican
National Convention.
190
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:22,910
Come on, in the bag!
Put it in the bag!
191
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,778
Get to the back!
Come on!
192
00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:26,213
CHRIS:
My mother had lost her money,
193
00:07:26,246 --> 00:07:28,148
but there was only
so much she could take.
194
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:29,917
Good day to rob a train, huh?
195
00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:30,718
Watch your mouth!
196
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:31,719
Why?!
197
00:07:31,752 --> 00:07:32,986
You done already took my money!
198
00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:34,221
What else you gonna take,
my seat?
199
00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:35,255
I might shoot you!
200
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,924
And you might go to jail!
201
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:37,825
You got six bullets
202
00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:39,092
and nine passengers,
203
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:40,794
which leaves
three witnesses,
204
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:42,930
and 25 years to life!
205
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,998
Don't shoot her, shoot me.
206
00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:46,166
Don't tell me who to shoot!
207
00:07:46,199 --> 00:07:47,501
What are you,
trying to get shot?!
208
00:07:47,535 --> 00:07:48,135
Shut up!
209
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:50,170
(screaming)
210
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:51,104
Will you be quiet?!
211
00:07:51,138 --> 00:07:52,039
Sit down.
212
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:53,841
While my mother
was pushing her luck,
213
00:07:53,874 --> 00:07:56,610
Mr. Omar was trying
to pull a fast one.
214
00:07:56,644 --> 00:08:00,180
Hey, I got peanut butter
and jelly, fried bologna
215
00:08:00,213 --> 00:08:03,250
and mustard,
Kool-Aid and chips.
216
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:04,251
The homeless shelter special.
217
00:08:04,284 --> 00:08:05,352
Anything else?
218
00:08:05,385 --> 00:08:07,921
I thought you were supposed
to be staying with us.
219
00:08:07,955 --> 00:08:09,990
No, I told you father
I would check on y'all.
220
00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:11,859
So I'm checking on you.
You okay?
221
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:12,526
Yeah.
222
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:13,894
All right, so
I'll be back
223
00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:15,529
to check on
you again.
Mr. Omar...
224
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:19,767
Can you make me
some hot chocolate?
225
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,201
(sighs)
226
00:08:21,234 --> 00:08:22,903
Okay. Hot chocolate it is.
227
00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:25,706
Oh, Mr. Omar?
228
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:26,907
Uh-huh?
Could you please
229
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:27,941
make me some cheese toast?
230
00:08:27,975 --> 00:08:30,243
Cheese toast and hot chocolate.
231
00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:32,179
Okay, great.
232
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:35,048
While Mr. Omar
was stuck babysitting,
233
00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:36,316
my father was just plain stuck.
234
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:38,552
(car engine starting)
235
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,127
(tires spinning)
236
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:55,002
Should've bought
those snow tires.
237
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:56,236
My father was willing
238
00:08:56,269 --> 00:08:58,772
to brave the elements
to save his son,
239
00:08:58,806 --> 00:09:00,073
but to save money,
240
00:09:00,107 --> 00:09:02,175
he bought the cheapest tires
known to man.
241
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,217
(panting)
242
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,252
He's the only black out
in a whiteout.
243
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:21,294
(grunting)
244
00:09:21,328 --> 00:09:24,097
With too much snow to stay
outside, I went back inside
245
00:09:24,131 --> 00:09:26,333
to find crouching tiger,
hidden principal.
246
00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:27,701
Principal Edwards?
247
00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:29,302
(exhales)
248
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,138
I thought you left.
249
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,907
Yeah, but I came back.
250
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:35,308
Hyah!
251
00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:38,278
Captain Obvious
strikes again.
252
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:39,312
Hoo-wah!
253
00:09:39,346 --> 00:09:41,649
I'm sorry.
254
00:09:41,682 --> 00:09:43,651
Are you really?
255
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,385
You did what you
wanted to do.
256
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:47,955
(grunting):
Shh-woo, yah!
257
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:49,289
Just didn't work out
258
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:51,024
the way you planned.
(exhales sharply)
259
00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:53,093
It's not like I didn't want
to take my classes.
260
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:56,930
I haven't missed a day
of school all year.
261
00:09:56,964 --> 00:09:58,666
I work hard.
262
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:01,368
It's just that the one day
I could spend at home relaxing,
263
00:10:01,401 --> 00:10:03,003
I'm stuck here with you.
264
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:06,139
So what's the point
in doing schoolwork today?
265
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:10,077
You know what?
You're right.
266
00:10:10,110 --> 00:10:11,344
I am?
267
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:13,714
Sure you are.
268
00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:15,348
So what now?
269
00:10:15,382 --> 00:10:18,118
Ninja lessons?
270
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:22,422
I'm sorry
about that.
271
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,925
Look here, if you're gonna
keep talking about getting shot,
272
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,359
you need to sit
over there somewhere.
273
00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:27,227
I'm sorry.
274
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:29,396
I figured I didn't
have much to lose.
275
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:31,031
Why?
276
00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:33,300
Yesterday was my
61st birthday
277
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:36,804
and... nobody in
my family called.
278
00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:39,039
I was headed to the
Brooklyn Bridge
279
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:41,108
to jump off.
280
00:10:41,141 --> 00:10:42,342
You were gonna jump off a bridge
281
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:44,778
'cause you didn't
get a phone call?
282
00:10:44,812 --> 00:10:46,146
No wonder they
didn't call you.
283
00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:47,280
You're selfish.
284
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:50,383
A 61-year-old gonna
jump off a bridge
285
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:52,219
'cause he didn't
get a phone call.
286
00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:54,287
I wouldn't call you either.
It's too much pressure.
287
00:10:54,321 --> 00:10:56,957
You don't know
anything about me.
288
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:59,793
I know you're too damn old
to be jumping off bridges.
289
00:10:59,827 --> 00:11:02,229
Well, it's none of
your business anyway.
290
00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:04,164
Wait a minute, you're
the one standing up
talking 'bout,
291
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:05,999
"Don't shoot her,
shoot me."
292
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:07,467
Well, then why didn't
you let him shoot me?
293
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,369
I'm not gonna
have people thinking
294
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:11,739
you saved my life. You ain't
nothing but a big baby.
295
00:11:11,772 --> 00:11:13,707
Scarface,
whatever you do,
296
00:11:13,741 --> 00:11:16,409
don't shoot him.
Oh, could you shoot me, please?
297
00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:18,211
It's the only way my boss
is gonna believe this.
298
00:11:18,245 --> 00:11:20,480
(long sigh)
299
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:22,249
Since we'd done a little work,
300
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,484
Principal Edwards decided
we could have a little fun.
301
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:27,354
(Run-DMC's "Rock Box" playing)
302
00:11:44,471 --> 00:11:46,506
* For all you sucker MCs
perpetrating a fraud *
303
00:11:46,539 --> 00:11:49,442
* Your rhymes are cold whack
and keep the crowd cold bored *
304
00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:51,511
* You're the kind of guy
that girl a ignored *
305
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:54,047
* I'm drivin' a Caddy,
you fixin' a Ford *
306
00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:56,216
* My name is Joseph Simmons,
but my middle name's Lord *
307
00:11:56,249 --> 00:11:57,450
* And when I'm rockin'
on the mic *
308
00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:59,019
* You should all applaud
because we're *
309
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,188
* Wheelin', dealin',
we got a funny feelin' *
310
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,490
* We rock from the floor
up the ceilin' *
311
00:12:03,523 --> 00:12:06,126
* We groove it, you move it,
it has been proven *
312
00:12:06,159 --> 00:12:08,461
* We calmed the savage beast
because our music is soothin' *
313
00:12:08,495 --> 00:12:11,398
Back at home, Drew and Tonya
were monopolizing
314
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:12,065
all of Mr. Omar's time.
315
00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:13,967
Ha! Boardwalk with a hotel.
316
00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:16,136
Looks like somebody
owes me $2,000.
317
00:12:16,169 --> 00:12:18,271
Oh, dang. Tragic.
318
00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:19,807
Um, Mr. Omar?
319
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,975
How come every time
we see you with a woman,
320
00:12:22,009 --> 00:12:23,176
their husband just died?
321
00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:25,245
Well, that's because
322
00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:27,414
I'm a funeral
director, baby.
323
00:12:27,447 --> 00:12:29,950
But when the wives die,
324
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:31,885
how come you don't
make friends with the husbands?
325
00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:35,288
Oh, well, men don't
need as much attention.
326
00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:36,957
Man, if my wife died,
327
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:39,860
I'd be crying, sitting
at home by myself
328
00:12:39,893 --> 00:12:41,028
wondering what
I'm gonna do...
329
00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:42,896
how to go on.
330
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:45,065
I'd be wishing anybody
would talk to me.
331
00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,900
Well, women are sensitive,
332
00:12:46,934 --> 00:12:49,069
you know, in a different
kind of way.
333
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:51,104
Oh, I thought
that women were like
334
00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:52,539
that because they
were desperate.
335
00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:53,974
Roll the dice, baby.
336
00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:56,109
Here you go.
337
00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:58,545
Ha!
This wasn't
338
00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:01,114
so bad after all.
339
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:04,084
Hey! You know,
that's a cool vase.
340
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,253
That's three centuries old.
341
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,821
Wow.
342
00:13:07,855 --> 00:13:09,056
So what do all
those markings mean?
343
00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:13,326
They represent honor.
344
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:17,030
They did until Paris Hilton
tattooed them on her ass.
345
00:13:17,064 --> 00:13:20,367
I wanted this for my wife.
346
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,534
You're married?
347
00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:23,403
I was.
348
00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:25,105
We split up a few years ago.
349
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,439
She took the money
350
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,942
and I kept the vase.
Figures.
351
00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:32,445
This vase...
352
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:34,247
changed my life.
353
00:13:34,281 --> 00:13:35,415
How's that?
354
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:38,451
It taught me one
of life's great lessons.
355
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:42,122
All that we have been or done
356
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,957
is in the past.
357
00:13:43,991 --> 00:13:47,127
Live in the now.
358
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,131
What?
(glass shatters, screams)
359
00:13:53,100 --> 00:13:55,268
I wonder what Eastern
philosophy has to say
360
00:13:55,302 --> 00:13:57,304
about crazy glue.
361
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:04,344
(woman crying)
362
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:05,545
Girl, what you crying about?
363
00:14:05,578 --> 00:14:06,980
All he said was, "Be quiet."
364
00:14:07,014 --> 00:14:10,217
It's not that. I just broke up
with my fiancé.
365
00:14:10,250 --> 00:14:11,551
This ring looks pretty cheap.
366
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:13,520
It is cheap.
367
00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:15,923
So that's why you broke
up with him? 'Cause he
doesn't have any money?
368
00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:19,092
No, I broke up with him because
I want him to get a job,
369
00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:21,228
but thinks he's going
to be a movie director.
370
00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:23,096
Well, at least he ain't
out robbing trains.
371
00:14:23,130 --> 00:14:26,333
And get this, he took my credit
card to make his last film.
372
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:29,036
Now how you gonna
make a movie
on a credit card?
373
00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:30,437
What's Mr. Movie
Director's name?
374
00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:33,506
Sheldon.
(laughing)
375
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,542
Now, how you gonna
be a movie director
376
00:14:35,575 --> 00:14:36,977
with a name like Sheldon?
377
00:14:37,010 --> 00:14:39,279
His friends call him Spike.
378
00:14:39,312 --> 00:14:41,148
Oh, girl, that's worse.
379
00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:42,649
Trust me.
You can do better
380
00:14:42,682 --> 00:14:44,117
than a Black man
named Spike.
381
00:14:44,151 --> 00:14:46,653
Try and find a guy
with a nice name,
382
00:14:46,686 --> 00:14:48,521
like, like,
like Orenthal.
383
00:14:48,555 --> 00:14:50,390
That's nice.
She later became the first
384
00:14:50,423 --> 00:14:53,260
Black girl in history
to be glad she wasn't White.
385
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:56,063
The snow stopped the traffic,
but it couldn't stop Risky.
386
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:59,166
RISKY:
Julius! Julius!
387
00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:01,468
Risky?
388
00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:03,170
What are you doing
out here, man?
389
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:05,338
Chris is stuck at school.
I gotta get him.
390
00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:06,706
Can you help me out?
391
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:08,175
Oh, sorry, no room, man.
392
00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:09,376
Me and my man, Nanook,
393
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,211
out here trying
to make money on these
394
00:15:11,244 --> 00:15:12,545
cross-country skis.
395
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:15,048
You want a pair?
396
00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:19,052
How much?
397
00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:22,389
You know I didn't
mean to break it.
398
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:25,325
It's okay.
399
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:27,727
It's just a vase.
400
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,629
A vase that changed my life.
401
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:35,735
Sometimes I wish I could
change my life.
402
00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:37,670
Go places like you.
403
00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:40,240
Get away from the school.
404
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:41,674
The neighborhood.
405
00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:44,511
Caruso.
406
00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:46,679
Doesn't work like that.
407
00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:50,383
As long as you're you,
they'll always be a Caruso.
408
00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:53,586
I thought about living
in Japan.
409
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:55,222
Arigato, Slappy.
410
00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:57,424
In London...
Cheerio, Nipsy.
411
00:15:57,457 --> 00:15:59,993
Morocco...
Asalamalakem, Flip.
412
00:16:02,195 --> 00:16:04,264
So what should I do?
413
00:16:05,465 --> 00:16:07,767
Just because you're you...
414
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,503
doesn't mean you can't
be somebody else.
415
00:16:10,537 --> 00:16:12,039
That's called schizophrenia.
416
00:16:12,072 --> 00:16:13,240
Now what about you?
417
00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:15,142
I mean, you traveled
all around the world.
418
00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:16,676
Why'd you come back
to be a principal?
419
00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:18,745
I am going to tell
you a story
420
00:16:18,778 --> 00:16:21,781
that I've never
told anyone else.
421
00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,783
Not my wife, my priest,
422
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,219
my shrink, no one.
I hope he doesn't
423
00:16:26,253 --> 00:16:28,121
say, "If I did it,
here's how it happened."
424
00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:31,158
It all began
at a pancake house
in Minneapolis.
425
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:32,592
(door opens)
426
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:34,127
GREG:
Hey, Chris.
427
00:16:34,161 --> 00:16:35,528
What are you guys
doing down there?
428
00:16:35,562 --> 00:16:39,166
Nothing, just talking.
What are you doing here?
429
00:16:39,199 --> 00:16:41,534
Well, I called your house,
and Drew said you were here.
430
00:16:41,568 --> 00:16:43,070
I couldn't
believe it,
431
00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:45,405
so I had to come
and check for myself.
432
00:16:45,438 --> 00:16:48,208
Well... think I'll, uh...
433
00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:51,044
step outside and check
on the weather.
434
00:16:51,078 --> 00:16:52,479
See about getting
you home, Chris.
435
00:16:52,512 --> 00:16:55,215
Yeah, all right.
436
00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:00,387
Good, uh... good talking
to you, Greg.
437
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:02,555
You, too, Principal Edwards.
438
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:07,260
Omar, can I talk
to you a second?
439
00:17:07,294 --> 00:17:08,428
Oh, be right back.
440
00:17:10,597 --> 00:17:12,832
Monopoly wasn't all
he was losing.
441
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,667
How much longer
are you going to
be down here?
442
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:17,070
Well, the way Drew's
playing, not much longer.
443
00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:19,172
He got me for $2,000.
444
00:17:19,206 --> 00:17:21,541
I didn't come here to hear
you talk about Monopoly.
445
00:17:21,574 --> 00:17:23,176
Mr. Omar, it's your turn.
446
00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:26,313
Uh, here I come. Look, I told
Mr. Julius I would
447
00:17:26,346 --> 00:17:28,181
watch the kids and that's
what I'm gonna do.
448
00:17:28,215 --> 00:17:29,349
I'm sorry.
449
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:31,218
You watching the kids?
I'm going home.
450
00:17:31,251 --> 00:17:33,686
Well, you'd better take
those pumps off and put
on some snow shoes
451
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:35,855
or you ain't gonna make it.
452
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:38,258
Excuse me, uh, Scarface.
453
00:17:39,626 --> 00:17:41,294
Can I talk to you for a minute?
454
00:17:41,328 --> 00:17:44,697
My mother never talked
to anyone for just a minute.
455
00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:52,239
Now, are you sure
you want to do this?
456
00:17:52,272 --> 00:17:53,773
What difference
does it make to you?
457
00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:55,775
Well, didn't your mother
teach you better
458
00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:56,809
than to go around
robbing people?
459
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:59,579
She's the one who taught me
how to rob people.
460
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:01,748
Well, if I was your mother,
461
00:18:01,781 --> 00:18:04,184
I would've knocked
the rob out of you
462
00:18:04,217 --> 00:18:05,752
a long time ago.
LUTHER:
Listen to her.
463
00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:07,520
She's a good person.
Hear that?
464
00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:11,191
I just wish I'd met her before
I got my wife's sister pregnant.
465
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:15,128
You got your wife's
sister pregnant?
466
00:18:15,162 --> 00:18:16,496
Uh, just once.
467
00:18:16,529 --> 00:18:18,265
All I'm saying is,
468
00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:21,568
is that you're better than this.
469
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:26,206
And at least your son and your
nephew ain't the same person.
470
00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:29,376
Thank you.
471
00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:33,413
Rochelle.
472
00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:41,188
When you get home, call my dad
and tell him I'm on the way.
473
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:42,522
No problem.
474
00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:44,224
Ah, well, see ya.
475
00:18:44,257 --> 00:18:46,226
Man, see you later.
476
00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:55,302
The adventure was
just ending for me,
477
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:57,737
but it was just beginning
for my father.
478
00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:59,839
Chris!
479
00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:01,808
I'm here!
480
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:03,576
Chris!
481
00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:05,412
I'm here!
482
00:19:05,445 --> 00:19:07,314
Chris!
483
00:19:07,347 --> 00:19:09,849
I'm here to take you home!
484
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:11,951
Chris...!
485
00:19:11,984 --> 00:19:15,222
Most days we were together,
we couldn't wait to be apart.
486
00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:16,623
But every now and again,
487
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:19,192
it felt really good
to be together.
488
00:19:19,226 --> 00:19:20,760
It's cold out there today.
489
00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:22,329
That snow is crazy.
490
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:23,763
I went all the way
to your school.
491
00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:24,997
What happened to you?
492
00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:28,301
I was the only one there, so
soon as I could leave, I left.
493
00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:29,969
You're not gonna believe
what happened to me today.
494
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:31,238
I got robbed.
495
00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:32,071
ALL:
What?!
496
00:19:32,104 --> 00:19:33,873
Yes. This guy
kept me on the train
497
00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:35,975
for, like, five hours,
took all my money.
498
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,277
How much did you have?
499
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:38,278
A dollar.
500
00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:39,011
(sighs):
Oh.
501
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:40,580
Huh, that sounds
just like Drew.
502
00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,215
We were playing
Monopoly,
503
00:19:42,249 --> 00:19:44,484
and Drew took
all Mr. Omar's money.
504
00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:46,253
Mr. Omar was here?
505
00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:48,355
Yeah, he watched us
after Dad left.
506
00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:49,389
When did you leave?
507
00:19:49,422 --> 00:19:50,657
Right after you left.
508
00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,459
You're just now
getting back?
509
00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:53,326
I went to get you!
510
00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:55,295
I'm in a snow storm.
What about Mr. Omar?
511
00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:57,497
(all talking excitedly
over one another)
512
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,232
Y'all know y'all not supposed
to have anybody else.
513
00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:00,933
They closed the school,
there's nowhere for you to go.
514
00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:03,436
When Daddy leaves,
you make sure...
515
00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:06,473
After spending the whole day
inside with Principal Edwards,
516
00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:07,407
I no longer felt
517
00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:08,541
like an outsider.
518
00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:09,676
I had a new friend.
519
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,244
(school bell ringing)
520
00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:12,011
You're late.
521
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,713
What? A tardy slip?
522
00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:15,014
But what about yesterday?
523
00:20:15,047 --> 00:20:17,284
That was in the past,
we're in the now, Chris.
524
00:20:17,317 --> 00:20:18,718
And now you're late.
525
00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:21,388
See you in detention.
526
00:20:21,421 --> 00:20:23,790
* Everybody hates Chris
527
00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:26,593
Captioned by
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