All language subtitles for Dr..Strangelove.Or.How.I.Learned.To.Stop.Worrying.And.Love.The.Bomb.1964.1080p.BluRay.x264-[YTS.AM]

♪Subtitles corrected by♪ XQ2☻♥

For more than a year, ominous rumors
had been privately circulating

among high-level Western leaders

that the Soviet Union had been at work
on what was darkly hinted to be

the ultimate weapon:
A doomsday device.

Intelligence sources traced the site
of the top-secret Russian project

to the perpetually
fog-shrouded wasteland

below the Arctic peaks
of the Zhokhov Islands.

What they were building,
or why it should be located

in such a remote and desolate place
no one could say.

General Ripper, sir.

Group Captain Mandrake speaking.

This is General Ripper speaking.

- Yes, sir.☻
- Do you recognize my voice, Mandrake?

I do, sir. Why do you ask?

- Why do you think I ask?
- Well, I don't know, sir.

We spoke just a few moments ago
on the phone, didn't we?

You don't think I'd ask
if you recognized my voice,

unless it was pretty damned important,
do you, Mandrake?

No, I don't, sir, no.

All right, let's see
if we can stay on the ball.

Has the Wing confirmed holding
at their fail-safe points?

Yes, sir. The confirmations
have all just come in.

Very well.
Now, listen to me carefully.

The base is being put on condition red.

I want this flashed
to all sections immediately.

Condition red, sir. Jolly good idea.
Keeps the men on their toes.

Group captain, I'm afraid
this is not an exercise.

Not an exercise, sir?

I shouldn't tell you this, Mandrake,

but you're a good officer
and have a right to know.

It looks like we're in a shooting war.

- Oh, hell! Are the Russians involved, sir?
- Mandrake, that's all I've been told.

It just came in on the red phone.

My orders are for this base
to be sealed tight.

And that's what I mean to do,
seal it tight.

Now, I want you to transmit Plan R

R for Robert, to the Wing.

- Plan R for Robert.
- Is it that bad, sir?

- Looks like it's pretty hairy.
- Yes, sir.

Plan R for Robert, sir.

Now, last and possibly most important

I want all privately owned radios
to be immediately impounded.

They might be used to issue
instructions to saboteurs.

As I previously arranged, Air Police
will have lists of all owners.

And I want every single one collected
without exception. - Yes, sir.

After you've done that,
report back to me.

In order to guard against
surprise nuclear attack

America's Strategic Air Command
maintains

a large force of B-52 bombers
airborne 24 hours a day.

Each B-52 can deliver
a nuclear bomb load of 50 megatons

equal to 16 times the total
explosive force of all the bombs

and shells used by all the armies
in World War II.

Based in America,
the Airborne Alert Force

is deployed from the Persian Gulf
to the Arctic Ocean.

But they have one geographical factor
in common.

They are all two hours
from their targets inside Russia.

Major Kong, I know you'll think
this is crazy

but I just got a message from base
over the C.R.M. 114.

It decodes as Wing attack Plan R.
R for Romeo.

Goldie, did you say
Wing attack Plan R?

Yes, sir, I have.

Goldie, how many times have
I told you guys that I don't want

no horsin' around on the airplane?

I'm not horsing around, sir.
That's how it decodes.

I've been to one world fair,
a picnic and a rodeo,

and that's the stupidest thing
I ever heard come over a set of earphones.

You sure you got today's code?

Yes, sir, it is.

There's just gotta be somethin' wrong.

Wait a second, I'm coming back.

Maybe you'd better get
a confirmation from base.

Yes, sir.

Major Kong, is it possible
this is some kind of loyalty test?

You know, give the go code and then
recall to see who would actually go?

Ain't nobody ever got
the go code yet.

Old Ripper wouldn't be giving us
Plan R

unless them 'Rooskies' had already
clobbered Washington

and a lot of other towns
with a sneak attack.

Yes, sir.

Major Kong,
message from base confirmed.

Well, boys, I reckon this is it.

Nucl'ar combat toe-to-toe
with the 'Rooskies'.

Boys, I ain't much of a hand
at makin' speeches.

But I got a pretty fair idea
that somethin' doggone important

is going on back there.

I've got a fair idea of the kind
of personal emotions

that some of you fellows
may be thinkin'.

Heck, I reckon you wouldn't even
be human beings

if you didn't have some pretty strong
personal feelin's about nucl'ar combat.

I want you to remember one thing.

The folks back home
is a'countin' on ya.

And by golly,
we ain't about to let'em down.

Tell you something else.

If this thing turns out to be half
as important as I figure it just might be

I'd say that you're all in line
for some important promotions

and personal citations
when this thing's over with.

That goes for ever' last one of ya

regardless of your race,
color or your creed.

Now let's get this thing on the hump.
We got some flying to do.

Buck, should I get it?

Yeah, you'll have to.

Hello? ... Oh, yes,
General Turgidson is here,

but I'm afraid he can't come
to the phone at the moment.

This is his secretary, Miss Scott.

Freddie, how are you?

Fine. And you?

Oh, we were just catching up
on some of the General's paperwork.

Look Freddie, he's very tied up
at the moment.

I'm afraid he can't come to the phone.

Just a minute.

General Turgidson,
a Colonel Puntrich calling.

Tell him to call back.

Freddie, the General says
could you call back in a minute or two?

He says it can't wait.

Aw, for Pete's sa...!
Find out what he wants.

Freddie, the thing is, the General
is in the powder room right now.

Could you tell me what it's about?

Just a second. Apparently they monitored
a transmission about eight minutes ago

from Burpelson Air Force Base.

Right. It was directed to
the 843rd Bomb Wing on airborne alert.

It decoded as Wing attack Plan R.

Well, tell him to call what's-his-name,
Base Commander Ripper.

Do I have to think of everything?

The General suggests you call General
Ripper, the 843rd base commander.

Oh. All communications are dead!

Bull! Tell him to do it himself.

Freddie, the General asks if you could
possibly try again yourself.

I see. He says he's tried personally
several times, but everything is dead.

Even the normal phone lines
are shut down.

Fred? Buck. What's it look like?

Yeah?

Well, are you sure it's Plan R?

Huh. What's cooking
on the threat board?

Nothing? Nothing at all?

I don't like the look of this, Fred.

Tell you what you better do,
old buddy.

You better give Elmo and Charlie a blast
and bump everything up to condition red.

And stand by the blower.
I'll get back to you.

- What's up?
- Nothing.

- Where's my shorts?
- On the floor. Where are you going?

No place.

I just thought I might mosey over
to the War Room

for a few minutes to see
what's doing over there.

It's 3:00 in the morning.

The Air Force never sleeps.

Buck, honey, I'm not sleepy either.

I know how it is, baby.

Tell you what you do.

You just start your countdown
and old Bucky will be back here

before you can say "Blastoff!"

Your Commie has no regard
for human life, not even his own.

And for this reason, men,
I want to impress upon you

the need for extreme watchfullness.

The enemy may come individually
or he may come in strength.

He may even come in the uniform
of our own troops.

But however he comes,
we must stop him.

We must not allow him
to gain entrance to this base.

Now, I am going to give you
three simple rules.

First: Trust no one,
whatever his uniform or rank

unless he is known to you personally.

Secondly: Anyone or anything

that approaches within 200 yards
of the perimeter is to be fired upon.

Third: If in doubt, shoot first
and ask questions afterwards.

I would sooner accept a few casualties
through accident

than lose the entire base
and its personnel through carelessness.

Any variation on these rules
must come from me, personally.

Now, men, in conclusion

I would like to say
that in the two years

that it has been my privilege
to be your commanding officer

I have always expected
the best from you

and you have never given me
anything less than that.

Today the nation is counting on us.

We are not going to let them down.

Good luck to you all.

Here's the attack profile, sir.

This is your attack profile.

"To ensure that the enemy cannot monitor
voice transmission

or plant false transmission

the C.R.M. 114 is to be switched
into all receiver circuits.

The emergency base code prefix
is to be set

on the dials of the C.R.M.

This will block any transmission other
than those preceded by a code prefix. "

Stand by to set code prefix.

Roger. Ready to set code prefix.

"Set code prefix."

Code prefix set.

"Lock code prefix."

Code prefix locked.

"Switch all receiver circuits
to C.R.M. Discriminators."

All circuits witched to
C.R.M. Discriminators.

"Check auto destruct circuits."

Auto destruct circuits checked.

"Primary target:
The I.C.B.M. Complex at Laputa.

Target reference:
Yankee, golf, tango

3-6-0.

Thirty megaton nuclear device

fused for air burst at 10,000 feet.

Twenty megaton nuclear device
will be used if first malfunctions.

Otherwise, proceed to secondary target:

Missile complex seven miles east
of Borchov.

Target reference:
November, Bravo, Xray

1-0-8.

Fused air burst at 10...
Check, 12,000 feet."

♪

♪

Excuse me, sir. Something rather
interesting's just cropped up.

Listen to that.- ♪ - Music.
Civilian broadcasting.

I think those fellows in the Pentagon

have given us some sort of
exercise to test our readiness.

Personally, I think it's
taking things too far.

Our fellows will be inside Russian
radar cover in about 20 minutes.

Listen to that. Chock full of
stations all churning it out.

- Mandrake?
- Yes, sir?

I thought I issued instructions for all radios on this base to be impounded.

You did indeed, sir, and I was in the process of
impounding this very one when I happened to switch it on.

I thought to myself, our fellows hitting Russian
radar,
in 20 minutes, dropping all their stuff.

I'd better tell you because if they do,
it'll cause a bit of a stink, what.

Group Captain,
the officer exchange program

does not give you any special
prerogatives to question my orders.

I realize that, sir, but I thought
you'd be rather pleased to hear the news.

After all, let's face it.

We don't want to start a nuclear war
unless we really have to, do we?

Please sit down.
And turn that thing off.

Yes, sir.

What about the planes, sir? Surely we must
issue the recall code immediately.

Group Captain, the planes
are not gonna be recalled.

My attack orders have been issued,
and the orders stand.

If you'll excuse me for saying so, sir,
that would be to my way of thinking

rather an odd way of looking at it

You see, if a Russian attack
was in progress

we would certainly not be hearing
civilian broadcasting.

- Are you certain of that Mandrake?
- I'm absolutely positive.

What if it's true?

I'm afraid I'm still not with you, sir,
because I mean

if a Russian attack
was not in progress

then your use of Plan R... In fact,
your orders to the entire Wing...

I would say, sir, that there was
something dreadfully wrong somewhere

Now, why don't you take it easy,
Group Captain?

Please make me a drink
of grain alcohol and rainwater

and help yourself
to whatever you'd like.

General Ripper, sir, as an officer
in Her Majesty's Air Force

it is my clear duty
under the present circumstances

to issue the recall code upon my
own authority and bring back the Wing.

If you'll excuse me, sir.

I'm afraid, sir, I must ask you for
the key and the recall code.

Have you got them handy, sir?

I told you to take it easy,
Group Captain.

There's nothing anybody can do
about this thing, now.

I'm the only person who knows
the three-letter code group.

Then, I must insist, sir
that you give them to me!

Do I take it, sir, that you are
threatening a brother officer with a gun?

Mandrake, I suppose
it never occurred to you

that while we're chatting here
so enjoyably

a decision is being made
by the president

and the joint chiefs in the War Room
at the Pentagon.

And when they realize there is
no possibility of recalling the Wing

there will be only one course
of action open.

Total commitment.

Mandrake, do you recall what
Clemenceau once said about war?

No, I don't think I do, sir. No.

He said war was too important
to be left to the generals.

When he said that, 50 years ago,

he might have been right.

But today

war is too important
to be left to politicians.

They have neither the time,
the training

nor the inclination
for strategic thought.

I can no longer sit back
and allow

Communist infiltration,
Communist indoctrination

Communist subversion

and the international
Communist conspiracy

to sap and impurify

all of our precious
bodily fluids.

Staines, is everybody here?

Mr. President, the secretary of state
is in Vietnam,

the secretary of defense is in Laos, and
the vice president is in Mexico City.

We can establish contact with them
at anytime, if it's necessary.

The undersecretaries
are all here, of course.

Right. General Turgidson,
what's going on, here?

Mr. President

about 35 minutes ago

General Jack Ripper,
the commanding general

of Burpelson Air Force Base

issued an order to the 34 B-52s
of his Wing

which were airborne at the time

as part of a special exercise we were
holding called Operation Dropkick.

Now, it appears that the order
called for the planes

to attack their targets
inside Russia.

The planes are fully armed
with nuclear weapons

with an average load
of 40 megatons each.

Now, the central display of Russia will
indicate the position of the planes.

The triangles
are their primary targets.

The squares
are their secondary targets.

The aircraft will begin penetrating
Russian radar cover within 25 minutes.

General Turgidson, I find this
very difficult to understand.

I was under the impression that
I was the only one in authority

to order the use of nuclear weapons.

That's right, sir. You are
the only person authorized to do so.

And although I hate to judge
before all the facts are in

it's beginning to look like
General Ripper exceeded his authority.

It certainly does, far beyond the point
I would have imagined possible.

Well, perhaps you're forgetting
the provisions of Plan R, sir.

Plan R?

Plan R is an emergency war plan

in which a lower echelon commander
may order

nuclear retaliation
after a sneak attack

if the normal chain of command
has been disrupted.

You approved it, sir.
You must remember.

Surely you must recall, sir,
when Senator Beaufort made

that big hassle about our deterrent
lacking credibility.

The idea was for Plan R to be
a sort of retaliatory safeguard.

A safeguard?

I admit the human element seems
to have failed us here.

But the idea was to discourage
the Ruskies from any hope

they could knock out Washington, and
yourself sir, as part of a general sneak attack

and escape retaliation because of lack
of proper command and control.

Well, I assume then, that the planes
will return automatically

once they reach their fail-safe points.

No, sir, I'm afraid not.

You see, the planes were
holding at their fail-safe points

when the go code was issued.

Now, once they fly beyond fail-safe, they do
not require a second order to proceed.

They will continue
until they reach their target.

Then why haven't you radioed the planes,
countermanding the go code?

Well, I'm afraid we're unable to
communicate with any of the aircraft.

Why?

As you may recall, sir

one of the provisions
of Plan R provides

that once the go code
is received

the normal S.S.B. Radios
in the aircraft

are switched into
a special coded device

which I believe is designated
as C.R.M. 114.

In order to prevent the enemy
from issuing fake or confusing orders

C.R.M. 114 is designed
not to receive at all

unless the message is proceeded by the
correct three-letter code group prefix.

Then, do you mean to tell me,
General Turgidson,

that you will be unable to
recall the aircraft?

That's the size of it.
However, we are plowing through

every possible three-letter combination
of the code.

But since there are
17,000 permutations

it's going to take us about two
and a half days to transmit them all.

How soon did you say the planes would
penetrate Russian radar cover?

- About 18 minutes from now, sir.
- Are you in contact with General Ripper?

No, sir. No, General Ripper sealed off
the base and cut off all communications.

Where did you get all this information?

General Ripper called
Strategic Air Command Headquarters

shortly after he issued the go code.

I have a portion of the transcript of that
conversation if you'd like me to read it.

Read it.

The duty officer asked
General Ripper

to confirm the fact that he had
issued the go code and he said:

"Yes, gentlemen, they are on their way
in and no one can bring them back.

"For the sake of our country
and our way of life

"I suggest you get the rest of SAC
in after them.

"Otherwise, we will be totally destroyed
by Red retaliation.

"My boys will give you the best kind
of start: 1,400 megatons worth.

"And you sure as hell
won't stop them now.

"So let's get going.
There's no other choice.

"God willing, we will prevail
in peace and freedom from fear

"and in true health
through the purity

"and essence of our natural

"fluids.

"God bless you all."

Then he hung up.

We're still trying to figure out
the meaning of that last phrase, sir.

There's nothing to figure out, General Turgidson.
This man is obviously a psychotic.

I'd like to hold off judgment on a thing like that, sir,
until all the facts are in.

General Turgidson, when you instituted
the human reliability tests

you assured me there was no possibility
of such a thing ever occurring.

Well, I don't think it's quite fair
to condemn a whole program

because of a single slip-up, sir.

I want to speak to General Ripper
on the telephone, personally.

I'm afraid that's impossible, sir.

General Turgidson, I am becoming
less and less interested

in your estimates
of what is possible and impossible.

General Faceman.

Yes, sir?

Are there any army units
stationed near Burpelson?

I'll just check, sir.

Hello?

I told you never to call me here.
Don't you know where I am?

Look, baby, I can't talk to you now.

My president needs me.

Of course Bucky would rather
be there with you.

Of course it isn't only physical.

I deeply respect you
as a human being.

Someday I'm going to make you
Mrs. Buck Turgidson.

Oh, listen, you go back to sleep.

Bucky will be there as soon as he can.

All right. Listen, sug(ar), don't forget
to say your prayers.

Apparently,
the 23rd Airborne Division

is stationed seven miles away
at Alvarado.

General Faceman, I want them to enter
the base, locate General Ripper

and put him in immediate
telephone contact with me.

Yes, sir.

Mr. President?

If I may advise.

Under a condition red, it is standard
procedure that the base be sealed off

and the base defended
by base security troops.

Any force trying to enter there would
certainly encounter very heavy casualties.

General Turgidson, with all due respect
for your defense team

my boys can brush them aside
without too much trouble.

Mr. President, there are one or two
points I'd like to make, if I may?

Go ahead, General.

One: Our hopes for recalling
the 843rd Bomb Wing

are quickly being reduced
to a very low order of probability.

Two: In less than 15 minutes
from now

the Ruskies will be making
radar contact with the planes.

Three: When they do
they are gonna go absolutely ape

and are gonna strike back
with everything they've got.

Four: If prior to this time

we have done nothing further to suppress
their retaliatory capabilities

we will suffer virtual annihilation!

Now...

Five: If, on the other hand,

we were to immediately launch
an all out and co-ordinated attack

on all their airfields and missile bases

we'd stand a damn good chance
of catching them with their pants down.

Hell, we've got a 5 to 1
missile superiority, as it is.

We could easily assign three missiles
to every target

and still have a very effective reserve
force for any other contingency.

Now, Six: An unofficial study which
we undertook of this eventuality

indicated that we would destroy
90% of their nuclear capabilities.

We would therefore prevail

and suffer only modest and acceptable
civilian casualties

from their remaining force which would
be badly damaged and uncoordinated.

General, it is the avowed policy
of our country

never to strike first
with nuclear weapons.

Well, Mr. President, I would say that General Ripper
has already invalidated that policy.

That was not an act of national policy and
there are still alternatives left open to us.

Mr. President, we are rapidly
approaching a moment of truth

both for ourselves as human beings
and for the life of our nation.

Now, the truth is not always
a pleasant thing.

But it is necessary now
to make a choice.

To choose between two admittedly
regrettable

but nevertheless distinguishable
postwar environments.

One, where you got
20 million people killed

and the other, where you got
150 million people killed.

You're talking about mass murder,
General, not war.

Mr. President, I'm not saying
we wouldn't get our hair mussed.

But I do say no more than
10 to 20 million killed. Tops!

Depending on the breaks.

I will not go down in history as
the greatest mass murderer since Adolf Hitler!

Perhaps it might be better, Mr. President
if you were more concerned

with the American people than
with your image in the history books.

General Turgidson, I think
I've heard quite sufficient

from you, thank you very much!

Mr. President, they have
the ambassador waiting upstairs.

Oh, good. Any difficulty?

They say he's having a fit
about that squad of M.P's.

Yes well, that can't be helped.
Have him brought here straightaway. - Yes, sir.

Is that the Russian ambassador
you're talking about?

Yes, it is, General.

Am I to understand
the Russian ambassador

is to be admitted entrance
to the War Room?

That is correct.
He is here on my orders.

I don't know exactly how
to put this, sir

but are you aware of what a serious
breach of security that would be?

He'll see everything.
He'll see the big board.

That is precisely the idea, General.

That is precisely the idea.

Staines, get Premier Kissoff
on the hot line.

"Survival kit contents check.

In them you will find
one .45 caliber automatic

two boxes of ammunition

four days concentrated
emergency rations

one drug issue
containing antibiotics

morphine, vitamin pills,
pep pills

sleeping pills,
tranquilizer pills

one miniature combination
'Roossian' phrase book and Bible

$100 in rubles

$100 in gold

nine packs of chewing gum

one issue of prophylactics

three lipsticks,
three pair of nylon stockings."

Shoot, a fellow could have a pretty
good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.

- You don't have any fresh fish?
- I'm afraid not, sir.

- Your eggs are they fresh?
- Oh, yes, sir.

I will have poached eggs. And bring me
some cigars, please. Havana cigars.

That will be all for you, sir?

- Yes.
- I'll see to it right away.

Try one of these Jamaican cigars,
Ambassador. They're pretty good.

Thank you, no. I do not support the work
of imperialist stooges.

Oh, only Commie stooges, huh?

Mr. President.

You're gonna let that lousy Commie punk
vomit all over us like this?

Mr. President?

They haven't been able to reach
Premier Kissoff in the Kremlin.

They say they don't know where he is,
and won't be back for another two hours.

- Try B-8-6-5-4-3 Moscow.
- Yes, sir.

You would never have found him
through his office, Mr. President.

Our premier is a man of the people but
he is also a man, if you follow my meaning.

- Degenerate atheistic Commie.
- What did you say?

I said Premier Kissoff is
a degenerate atheistic Commie!

- I formally request this ignorant fool...
- I'm sorry!

Mr. President,
I think they're trying the number.

- You bully! [Russian]
- Filthy commie!

Gentlemen, you can't fight in here.
This is the War Room!

What is going on here?
I demand an explanation.

This clumsy fool tried to plant
that ridiculous camera on me.

You bet your sweets, Mr. Commie!
Look at this, Mr. President.

This lousy Commie rat was taking pictures,
with this thing, of the big board!

Mr. Ambassador!

This clumsy fool attempted to plant
that ridiculous camera on me.

That's a damn lie!
I saw him with my own eyes.

Gentlemen, this is outrageous. I have never heard
of such behavior in the War Room before.

Mr. President, I think
they're getting him on the line.

You sure gotta hand it to those Commies.

Yeah. Gee, those trucks sure look like
the real thing, don't they?

I wonder where they got them from.

Probably bought them
from the army as war surplus.

Okay, open up at 200 yards.

Tell him where you are

and that you'll enter the conversation
if I say anything that's untrue

but please don't tell him
anything more than that.

Alexi? Alexi, please, I beg you.

I don't have a phone.

Give him the phone.

*[Speaking Russian]

*[Russian]

*[Russian]

I've done as you asked.
Be careful, Mr. President. I think he is drunk.

Hello? Hello, Dimitri?

Listen, I can't hear too well.

Do you suppose you could
turn the music down just a little?

Aha, that's much better.

Yeah. Yeah.

Fine. I can hear you now, Dimitri.

Clear and plain
and coming through fine.

I'm coming through fine, too, eh?
Good. Then...

Well, then, as you say,
we're both coming through fine. Good.

Well, it's good that you're fine

and I'm fine.

I agree with you.
It's great to be fine.

Now then, Dimitri

you know how we've always talked
about the possibility

of something going wrong
with the bomb.

The bomb, Dimitri.

The hydrogen bomb.

Well, now, what happened is

one of our base commanders,
he had a sort of...

Well, he went a little funny
in the head.

You know, just a little funny.

And he went and did a silly thing.

Well, I'll tell you what he did.

He ordered his planes

to attack your country.

Well, let me finish, Dimitri.

Let me finish, Dimitri.

Well, listen, how do you think
I feel about it?

Can you imagine how I feel
about it, Dimitri?

Why do you think I'm calling you?

Just to say hello?

Of course I like to speak to you!

Of course I like to say hello!

Not now, but anytime, Dimitri.

I'm just calling up to tell you
something terrible has happened.

It's a friendly call.
Of course, it's a friendly call.

Listen, if it wasn't friendly,
you probably wouldn't have even got it.

They will not reach their targets
for at least another hour.

I am positive, Dimitri.

Listen, I've been all over this
with your ambassador.

It is not a trick.

Well, I'll tell you.

We'd like to give your Air Staff
a complete rundown on the targets

the flight plans and the
defensive systems of the planes.

Yes, I mean, if we're unable
to recall the planes

I'd say that, well...

we're just gonna have to help you
destroy them, Dimitri.

I know they're our boys.

All right, well, listen, now,
who should we call?

Who should we call, Dimitri?
Wh... the peopl... Sorry, you faded away, there.

The People's Central
Air Defense Headquarters.

Where is that, Dimitri?

In Omsk. Right.

Yes.

Oh, you'll call them first, will you?

Listen, do you happen to have
the phone number on you, Dimitri?

What? I see.
Just ask for Omsk information.

I'm sorry too, Dimitri.
I'm very sorry.

All right, you're sorrier than I am.
But I am sorry as well.

I am as sorry as you are, Dimitri.

Don't say that you're more sorry
than I am

because I'm capable of being
just as sorry as you are.

So we're both sorry, all right?

All right.

Yes, he's right here. Yes, he wants
to talk to you. Just a second.

*[speaking Russian]

*Yes?

*Yes.

*What?!

*...?

*No! It can't be!

*The fools!

*Good bye.

What? What is it? What?

The fools! The mad fools.

What's happened?

The doomsday machine.

The doomsday machine?
What is that?

A device which will destroy
all human and animal life on Earth.

All human and animal life?

- Mandrake.
- Yes, Jack?

Have you ever seen a Commie
drink a glass of water?

Well, no, I can't say I have, Jack.

Vodka. That's what they drink,
isn't it? Never water.

Well, I believe that's
what they drink, yes.

On no account will a Commie
ever drink water

and not without good reason.

Oh, yes.

I can't quite see
what you're getting at, Jack.

Water. That's what I'm getting at.
Water.

Mandrake, water is the source
of all life.

Seven-tenths of this Earth's surface
is water.

Why, do you realize that...

70% of you is water?

Good Lord.

And as human beings,
you and I need fresh, pure water

to replenish our precious
bodily fluids. - Yes.

- You beginning to understand?
- Yes.

Mandrake.

Mandrake, have you never wondered why
I drink only distilled water

or rainwater,
and only pure grain alcohol?

Well, it did occur to me, Jack, yes.

Have you ever heard of a thing
called fluoridation of water?

Yes, I have heard of that, Jack, yes.

Do you know what it is?

No, no, I don't know what it is.

Do you realize that fluoridation

is the most monstrously conceived

and dangerous Communist plot
we have ever had to face?

Two can play at that game, soldier.

That's nice shooting, soldier!

Mandrake, come here.

You calling me, Jack?

Come over here
and help me with this belt.

I ...

I haven't had very much experience,
you know,

with those sort of machines.

Jack, I've only ever pressed
a button in my old Spitfire.

Mandrake, in the name of Her Majesty
and the Continental Congress,

come here and feed me this belt, boy.

Jack, I'd love to come,
but what's happened, you see,

the string in my leg's gone.

- The what?
- The string. I never told you, but you see,

I've got a gammy leg.
Oh, dear. Gone. Shot off.

Mandrake, come over here.
The redcoats are coming. C'mon!

When it is detonated, it will produce
enough lethal radioactive fallout

so that in ten months

the surface of the Earth
will be as dead as the moon!

Aw, come on, De Sadesky,
that's ridiculous!

Our studies show that even the worst fallout
is down to a safe level after two weeks.

- You've obviously never heard of cobalt thorium G.
- What about it?

Cobalt thorium G has
a radioactive half-life of 93 years.

If you take, say, 50 H bombs
in the 100 megaton range

and jacket them
with cobalt thorium G

when they are exploded,
they will produce a doomsday shroud

a lethal cloud of radioactivity

which will encircle the Earth
for 93 years!

What a load of Commie bull!
I mean, after all...

I'm afraid I don't understand
something, Alexi.

Is the premier threatening to explode this
if our planes carry out their attack?

No, sir. It is not a thing
a sane man would do.

The doomsday machine is designed
to trigger itself automatically.

But, surely you can disarm it somehow.

No. It is designed to explode if
any attempt is ever made to un-trigger it.

Automatically?

It's an obvious Commie trick, Mr. President!
We're wasting valuable time!

Look at the big board,
they're getting ready to clobber us!

This is absolute madness, Ambassador.
Why should you build such a thing?

There are those of us who
fought against it.

But in the end, we could not keep up
with the expense involved

in the arms race, the space race
and the peace race.

At the same time, our people grumbled
for more nylons and washing machines.

Our doomsday scheme cost us
just a small fraction

of what we have been spending
on defensein a single year.

The deciding factor was when we learned
that your country was working along similar lines

and we were afraid of a doomsday gap!

This is preposterous! I've never
approved of anything like that.

Our source was The New York Times.

Dr. Strangelove, do we have anything
like that in the works?

A moment, please, Mr. President.

Under the authority granted me

as director of weapons research
and development

I commissioned, last year,
a study of this project

by the Bland Corporation.

Based on the findings of the report

my conclusion was that this idea
was not a practical deterrent

for reasons which at this moment
must be all too obvious.

Then, you mean it is possible
for them to have built such a thing?

Mr. President, the technology required
is easily within the means

of even the smallest nuclear power.

It requires only the will to do so.

But how is it possible for this thing
to be triggered automatically

and at the same time
impossible to un-trigger?

Mr. President,
it is not only possible

it is essential.

That is the whole idea
of this machine, you know.

Deterrence is the art of producing
in the mind of the enemy

the FEAR of attack.

And so because of the automated and
irrevocable decision-making process

which rules out human meddling

the doomsday machine is terrifying

and simple to understand

and completely credible
and convincing.

Gee, I wish we had one of them
doomsday machines, Stainsey.

But this is fantastic, Strangelove.
How can it be triggered automatically?

It's remarkably simple to do that.

When you merely wish to bury bombs

there's no limit to the size.

After that, they are connected

to a gigantic complex of computers.

Now then, a specific and clearly
defined set of circumstances

under which the bombs
are to be exploded

is programmed into a tape memory bank.

- Hmm, Strangelove!
- a single row can store all the information

What kind of a name is that?
That ain't no Kraut name, is it, Staines?

He changed it when he became a citizen.

Used to be Merkwurdichliebe.

Well, a Kraut by any other name,
uh, Stainsey?

...is that the whole point of
the doomsday machine

is lost if you keep it a secret!

Why didn't you tell the world, eh?

It was to be announced
at the Party Congress on Monday.

As you know,
the premier loves surprises.

Stay with me, Mandrake.

All right, now feed me.
Feed me, boy.

Jack, don't you think we'd be better off
in some other part of the room

away from all this flying glass?

Hell, no, we're okay here.

Mandrake, do you realize that
in addition to fluoridating the water

there are studies underway
to fluoridate salt, flour

fruit juices, soup, sugar,
milk, ice cream?

Ice cream, Mandrake!

- Children's ice cream.
- Good Lord!

You know when fluoridation
first began?

No, I don't, Jack.

Nineteen hundred and forty-six.

- 1946, Mandrake.
- Tsk, tsk...

How does that coincide with
your postwar Commie conspiracy, huh?

It's incredibly obvious, isn't it?

A foreign substance is introduced
into our precious bodily fluids

without the knowledge
of the individual.

Certainly without any choice.

That's the way a hard-core Commie works.

Jack. Tell me, Jack.

When did you first become...

...well, develop this theory?

Well, l

I first became aware of it, Mandrake

during the physical act of love. - Huh?

Yes, a profound sense of fatigue,

a feeling of emptiness, followed.

Luckily I was able to interpret
these feelings correctly.

Loss of essence. - Eh...

I can assure you it has not recurred,
Mandrake.

Women sense my power

and they seek the life essence.

I do not avoid women, Mandrake.

But I do deny them my essence.

Yes, yes, Jack.

Cease fire!

My boys must have surrendered.

There it is.

Now, Jack, listen.

While there's still time, I beg you,
let's recall the Wing and...

Those boys were like my children,
Mandrake.

- Now they let me down.
- No, no, Jack! Not a bit of it.

No, I'm sure they all gave it
their very best.

And I'm equally sure they all
died thinking of you.

Every man jack of them, Jack.

Supposing a bit of water
has gone off, eh?

Certainly one can never be too sure
about those sort of things.

But you look at me, now.
Do I look all rancid and clotted?

Look at me, Jack, eh? Look, eh?

And I drink a lot of water, you know.

I'm what you might call a
water man, Jack. That's what I am.

And I can swear to you, my boy,
swear to you

that there's nothing wrong
with my bodily fluids.

Not a thing, Jackie.

Mandrake, were you ever
a prisoner of war?

Well, Jack, the time's running very

- What?
- Were you ever a prisoner of war?

Yes, I was, as a matter of fact, I was.

Did they torture you?

Yes, they did. I was tortured by
the Japanese, Jack, if you must know.

Not a pretty story.

What happened?

Oh, well, I dunno, Jack. It's difficult
to think under these conditions.

Well, what happened was

they got me on the old
Rangoon-Inchinawa Railway.

I was laying train lines for
the bloody Japanese puff-puffs.

No, I mean, when they tortured you,
did you talk?

Oh... No, I...

Well, I don't think they
wanted me to talk, really,

I don't think they wanted me
to say anything.

It was just their way of having
a bit of fun, the swines.

Strange thing is, they make
such bloody good cameras.

You know, those clowns outside
are gonna give me

a pretty good going-over
in a few minutes, for the code.

Yes, well, you may have...
you may have quite a point there, Jack.

I don't know how well
I could stand up under torture.

Well, of course, the answer
to that is, no one ever does.

And my advise to you, Jack
is to give me the code, now.

And if those devils come back
and try any rough stuff

we'll fight them together, boy
like we did, just now on the floor.

You with your gun and me with a belt
and the ammo, feeding you, Jack.

"Feed me," you said,
and I was feeding you, Jack.

You know, Mandrake

I happen to believe in
a life after this one

and I know I'll have to answer
for what I've done.

And I think I can.

Yes, well, of course you can, Jack!
Of course you can. You can.

I'm a religious man myself,
you know, Jack.

I believe in all that sort of thing
and I'm hoping, you know, Jack.

You've dropped your gun, Jack.

No, Jack, let me take that for you.
I'll take that for you, Jack.

You know what I'm hoping, Jack?

I'm hoping you're going to give me
the code, boy. That's what I'm hoping.

And... Ah, you're gonna wash
and brush up, are you? What a good idea.

Always did wonders for a man, eh, Jack?
A little wash and brush up.

Water on the back of the neck
makes you feel marvelous.

That's what we need, Jack: water on
the back of the neck and the code.

Now, supposing I play a little
guessing game with you, Jack boy?

I'll try and guess what the code is...

Copilot to navigator.
I'm ready with the fuel figures now.

We have 109,000 total

79,000 in the mains

and 30,000 in the auxiliaries.

And that works out
to roughly

seven hours, 15 minutes
endurance from this time.

D.S.O. To Captain.

I have an unidentified
radar blip.

Distance: 60 miles.

Approximate speed:
Mach three.

Looks like a missile tracking us.

Confirmed:
definite missile track.

Commence evasive action, right.

Missile still closing range.

Distance: 50 miles.
Continue evasive action.

Lock E.C.M. to target intercept mode.

E.C.M. Locked to
target intercept mode.

Missile still tracking
and closing distance.

Range: 40 miles.
Continue evasive action.

Electronic Guidance Scrambler
to blue grid.

Missile still tracking steady
and closing distance.

Range: 30 miles.

Missile still closing true and steady.
Continue evasive action.

Range: 20 miles.

Missile still closing distance
and tracking steady.

Attack range gate
on maximum scan.

Range gate on maximum scan.

Range: 10 miles.

Missile track deflecting.
Continue evasive action.

Deflection increasing.
Range: Eight miles.

Deflection still increasing.
Range: Six miles.

Missile still deflecting.
Range: Four miles.

Range: Two miles.
Missile still deflecting.

Range: One mile.
Missile detonated!

Oh, God ... ...!

- Start lever to cut off!
- Cut off!

- We're losin' power!
- ... ...

Re-select essential power!

Essential power re-selected.

The hatch is stuck!

Hit emergency power!

- Extinguishers!
- Roger!

- Transfer switches!
- Transferred!

- Boost pumps off!
- Cut off!

Fuel valves three, four and six!

- Give me full power!
- Roger.

Peace on earth.

Peace on earth.

Peace on earth.

P.O.E.

Purity of Essence.

O.P.O.E.

Put your hands over your head.

What, the devil, do you think you're doing, shooting your way in here?

- Who are you?
- I said, put your hands over your head.

What kinda suit you call that, fella?

What do you mean, suit?

This happens to be
an R.A.F. Uniform, sir.

And I am Group Captain Lionel Mandrake,
I'm General Ripper's Executive Officer.

Where's General Ripper?

He's dead, in the bathroom.

Where's the bathroom?

Next to you.

Look, I don't know what sort of
stupid game this is you're playing

but I've got a very good idea
what the recall code is

and I have to get in touch
with SAC headquarters immediately!

I said, put your hands over your head
and keep 'em there. Go on.

- Got any witnesses?
- Witnesses?!

What are you talking about, witnesses?
He shot himself!

While he was shavin', huh?

Now look, Colonel Bat Guano

if that really is your name

may I tell you that I have
a very, very good idea,

I think, I hope, I pray,
what the recall code is.

It's some sort of recurrent theme
he kept repeating. It's a variation on

"Peace on Earth" or "Purity of Essence,"
POE, OPE It's one of those.

Put your hands up on top of your head.
Start walkin'.

Don't you know that General Ripper
went as mad as a bloody March hare

and sent the whole Wing to attack
the Soviets? Don't you know that?

- What are you talkin' about?
- I'll tell you what I'm talking about.

I'm going to pick up this red telephone,
which is connected to SAC

and I hope

Blast! Blast!

Shot away, I expect, by one of your men
during this ridiculous fighting.

Right.

All right, Charlie, I've been
wastin' too much time on you.

I got a lot of wounded men outside.
Start walkin'.

All the radio gear is out,
including the C.R.M. 114.

I think the auto-destruct mechanism
got hit and blew itself up.

The fire is out.
The emergency power is on.

Everything seems to check out,
all right. Will advise.

Roger. Navigator?

I've worked out our rate of fuel loss
at approximately 1-6-2 per minute.

This gives us a radius of action
sufficient to take out

primary and secondary targets,
but we will not

repeat, not be able to make it back
to any base or neutral country.

However, we would have
enough fuel to ditch

at weather ship Tango Delta

grid coordinates 0-0-3-6-9-1.

Well, boys,
we got three engines out.

We got more holes in us
than a horse trader's mule.

The radio is gone,
and we're leakin' fuel.

And if we was flyin' any lower, why,
we'd need sleigh bells on this thing.

But we got one little budge
on them Rooskies.

At this height, why,
they might harpoon us

but they, dang sure, ain't gonna
spot us on no radar screen.

The other way.

- Where are you taking me?
- To the main gate.

Colonel!

Colonel, I must know what you think
has been going on here.

- You wanna know what I think?
- Yes.

I think you're some kind
of deviated 'prevert'.

I think General Ripper found out
about your 'preversion'

and that you were organizing some kinda
mutiny of 'preverts'. Now, move!

On top of that, I don't know anything
about any planes attacking Russia.

All I was told to do

was get General Ripper on the phone
with the President of the United States.

Now just one second.
You just said "the president."

What about the president?

Now, the president wants to speak
to General Ripper, doesn't he?

Now, General Ripper is dead,
is he not?

I am General Ripper's
executive officer,

so the president will bloody well,
want to speak to me, won't he?

There's a telephone box over there
and the line may be open.

You wanna talk to
the President of the United States?

I don't want to talk to him, Colonel,
I've got to talk to him.

And I can assure you, if you don't put
that gun away and stop this stupid nonsense

the Court of Inquiry on this
will give you such a pranging

you'll be lucky if you end up wearing the
uniform of a bloody toilet attendant!

OK. Go ahead, try and get the President
of the United States on the phone.

If you try any 'preversions', in there,
I'll blow your head off.

Operator? This is
Group Captain Lionel Mandrake,

and I'm speaking from
Burpelson Air Force Base.

Something urgent has come up and I want
you to place an emergency person-to-person call

with President Merkin Muffley
in the Pentagon, Washington, D.C.

Burpelson 3-9-1-8-0.

No, I'm perfectly serious, operator.
The President of the United States.

I'm sorry,
I haven't got enough change.

Could you make this
a collect call, Operator?

Just one second, Operator.
They won't accept the call.

Have you got 55 cents?

You don't think I'd go into combat
with loose change in my pocket, do ya?

Operator, look...

is it possible to make this
an ordinary trunk call?

Well, what do you call it?
You know...

Oh, station-to-station.

Oh, blast!
I'm still 20 cents short.

Operator, hold on.
I shan't keep you a second.

Colonel, that Coca-Cola machine.
I want you to shoot the lock off it.

There may be change in there.

That's private property.

Colonel, can you possibly imagine
what is going to happen to you,

your frame outlook,
way of life and everything

when they learn that you have
obstructed a telephone phone call

to the President of the United States?

Can you imagine?
Shoot it off! Shoot!

With the gun. That's what
the bullets are for, you twit!

Okay, I'm gonna get
your money for you.

But if you don't get the President
of the United States on that phone,

you know what's gonna happen
to you? - What?

You're gonna have to answer
to the Coca-Cola Company.

This is SAC
Communications Control.

The recall code O.P.E.

is being acknowledged "roger"

by elements of
the 8-4-3 Bomb Wing.

These are the details.

Missions 12, 22, 30 and 38

are reported destroyed
by enemy action.

All other missions have
acknowledged recall code.

This is SAC Communications Control.

Over and out.

Gentlemen, gentlemen.

Gentlemen.

Mr. President.

I'm not a sentimentalist,
at all, by nature

but I think I know what's
in every heart in this room.

I think we oughta all
just bow our heads

and give a short prayer of thanks
for our deliverance.

Lord

we have heard the wings
of the Angel of Death

fluttering over our heads
from the Valley of Fear.

You have seen fit to deliver us
from the forces of evil

Excuse me, sir.

Premier Kissoff's calling again
and he's hopping mad.

Fuel flow on active engines
and leakage has increased.

Now works out at 2-0-5.

Estimate remaining fuel

at 8-7-9-0.

Roger.
Confirm 2-0-5 per minute

and remaining fuel 8-7-9-0.

No, no, Dimitri,
there must be some mistake.

No, I'm certain of that.

I'm perfectly certain
of that, Dimitri.

Just a second.
You know what he says?

He says that one of the planes
hasn't turned back.

He says according to information
forwarded by our Air Staffs

it's headed for
the missile complex at Laputa.

That's impossible, Mr. President.

I mean,
look at the big board:

34 planes, 30 recalls acknowledged
and four splashes

and one of them
was targeted for Laputa.

Dimitri, look, we've got
an acknowledgement from every plane

except the four you've shot down.

Oh. Oh.

He sa...

Hang on a second, Dimitri.

He says their air defense now only
claims three aircraft confirmed.

The fourth may only be damaged.

Mr. President

I'm beginnin' to smell
a big, fat Commie rat.

I mean, supposin' Kissoff is lyin'
about that fourth plane

just lookin' for
an excuse to clobber us?

If the spaghetti hits the fan,
now we're really in trouble.

Dimitri, look,
if this report is true

and the plane manages
to bomb the target,

is this... is this gonna
set off the doomsday machine?

Are you sure?

Well, I guess you're just gonna have
to get that plane, Dimitri.

Dimitri, I'm sorry they're jamming
your radar and flying so low

but they're trained to do it,
you know?

I-It's initiative.

Look, Dimitri, you know
exactly where they're going

and I'm sure your entire air defense
can stop a single plane.

Listen, I mean, it's not gonna
help either one of us, if...

if-if the doomsday machine goes off,
now, is it?

Dimitri, there's no point in you getting
hysterical at a moment like this!

Dimitri, keep your feet on the ground
when you're talking, Dimitri.

I am not... I am not getting

No, Dimitri, I'm just worried,
that's all.

Now look, if our Air Staffs say
its primary target is Laputa

and its secondary target is Borchov,
I mean, it's true, Dimitri.

You gotta believe it!

Look, can I give... Dimitri,
can I give you just one word...

Can I give you just one word
of advice, Dimitri?

Listen, Dimitri.

Put everything you've got into
those two sectors, and you can't miss.

Sir, if we continue to lose fuel
at the present rate

I estimate we only have
38 minutes flying time

which will not even take us
as far as the primary.

Doggone it, Sweets, you told me that
you could get me to the primary!

I'm sorry, sir. That estimate was based
on the original loss rate factor

not at 2-0-5.

I don't give a hoot in hell
how you do it

you just get me to
the primary, you hear?

I'm sorry, sir,
but those are the figures.

We'll be lucky to reach
weather ship at Tango Delta.

Well, shoot!

We ain't come this far just
to dump this thing in the drink.

What's the nearest
target of opportunity?

Sir, if the rate of loss
does not increase

we have a chance
to reach target 3-8-4

grid coordinate 0-0-3-6-9-1

and possibly make it from there
to the Tango Delta weather ship.

What kind of a target
is that, anyhow?

Sir, that's the I.C.B.M.
Complex at Kotloss.

All right.
Designating new target: 3-8-4.

Give me a rough headin' on that

just as soon as you can
get it worked out, will ya?

Well, we'll keep our fingers crossed, Dimitri,

and remember, there's just one thing:
we are all in this together.

We're right behind you, Dimitri.
we're with you all the way.

Yes, well, we'll keep the line open.

All right, Dimitri.

General Turgidson

is there really a chance
for that plane to get through?

Mr. President,
if I may speak freely.

The Ruskie talks big, but frankly
we think he's short of know-how.

I mean, you just can't expect
a bunch of ignorant peons

to understand a machine
like some of our boys.

And that's not meant as an insult,
Mr. Ambassador. I mean...

You take your average Ruskie, we
all know how much guts he's got.

Hell, look at all of 'em them nazis
killed off, and they still wouldn't quit!

Can't you stick to the point, General?

Well, sir,
if the pilot's good, see,

I mean, if he's really sharp,
he can barrel that baby in so low.

You oughta see it, sometime. It's a sight!
A big plane like a 52! Vroom!

Its jet exhaust fryin' chickens
in the barnyard!

- Yeah, but has he got a chance?
- Has he got a chance?!

Hell, ye... y...

Navigator to Captain.

Approaching target
at distance 1-0 miles.

Switch from green grid
to target orange.

Roger.
Ready for final bomb run check.

- Take over, Ace.
- Roger.

- D.S.O. Ready.
- Bombardier ready, sir.

Bomb fusing, master safety on.

Electronic, barometric,
time and impact.

Bomb fusing,
master safeties on.

Electronic, barometric,
time and impact.

Fuse for ground burst.
Delay factor yellow three.

Fuse for ground burst.
Delay factor yellow three.

Bomb fusing circuits
one through four, test.

Bomb fusing circuits one through four,
test. Lights on.

Bomb arming test lights on,
one through four.

Bomb arming test lights on,
one through four.

Engage primary trigger switch override.

Primary trigger switch override engaged.

Track indicators
to maximum deflection.

Track indicators
to maximum deflection.

Detonator set to zero altitude.

Detonator set to zero altitude.

Release first safety.

First safety released.

- First safety.
- Release second safety.

Second safety released.

Second safety.

Check bomb door circuits
one through four.

Uh, bomb door circuits

negative function, lights red.

- Switch in backup circuits.
- Roger.

Backup circuits switched in.
Still negative function.

Engage emergency power.

Roger.

Emergency power on.
Still negative function.

Operate manual override!

Roger.

Still negative function.

The Teleflex drive cable
must be sheared away.

- Fire the explosive bolts!
- Roger.

Still negative, sir.
The operating circuits are dead, sir.

Stay on the bomb run, Ace. I'm goin'
down below and see what I can do. - Roger.

Stay on the bomb run, boys.

I'm gonna get them doors open
if it harelips everybody on Bear Creek!

Target orange grid reference checks.

Target distance: Eight miles.

Roger. Eight miles.

Telemetric guidance computer
into orange grid.

Telemetric guidance computer
into orange grid.

Target distance: Seven miles.

Correct track indicator:
Minus seven.

Roger. Seven miles.
Check G.P.I. Acceleration factor.

G.P.I. Acceleration factor set.

Target distance: Six miles.

Roger. Six miles.
Pulse ident transponder active.

Pulse ident transponder active.

Target distance: Five miles.

Five miles. Homing alignment
factor to zero mode.

Homing alignment factor
to zero mode.

Target distance: Four miles.

Roger. Four miles.

Auto C.D.C. Into
manual Teleflex link.

Auto C.D.C. Into
manual Teleflex link.

Target distance: Three miles.

Roger. Three miles.

Target in sight!
Where in hell is Major Kong?

Ya-hoo!

Ya-hoo!

Ya-hoo!

Hey, what about major Kong?

Ya-hoo!

Ye-haw!

Whoo-hoo!

Mr. President, I would not
rule out the chance

to preserve a nucleus
of human specimens.

It would be quite easy...

at the bottom of some
of our deeper mine shafts.

The radioactivity would never penetrate
a mine some thousands of feet deep.

And in a matter of weeks, sufficient
improvements in dwelling space

could easily be provided.

How long would you have
to stay down there?

Well, let's see, now...

Cobalt thorium G.

Radioactive half-life of

I would think that possibly
one hundred years.

You mean, people could actually
stay down there for 100 years?

It would not be difficult,
'Mein Fuhrer'.

Nuclear reactors could...

I'm sorry, 'Mr. President'.

Nuclear reactors could provide
power almost indefinitely.

Greenhouses could maintain
plant life.

Animals could be bred
and slaughtered.

A quick survey would have to be made of all
the available mine sites in the country.

But I would guess
that a dwelling space

for several hundred thousands of
our people could easily be provided.

Well, I would hate
to have to decide

who stays up and who goes down.

Well, that would not be
necessary, Mr. President.

It could easily be accomplished
with a computer.

And the computer could
be set and programmed

to accept factors
from youth, health

sexual fertility, intelligence

and a cross-section
of necessary skills.

Of course, it would be
absolutely vital

that our top government
and military men be included

to foster and impart the required
principles of leadership and tradition.

Aaah!

Naturally, they would breed
prodigiously, eh?

There would be much time
and little to do.

But with the proper breeding techniques
and a ratio of, say,

ten females to each male,

I would guess that they could
then work their way back...

To the present gross national
product within, say, 20 years.

But, look here, Doctor,
wouldn't this nucleus of survivors

be so grief-stricken
and anguished that they

well, envy the dead
and not want to go on living?

No, sir. Excuse me.

No, sir, when they go down into
the mine, everyone would still be alive.

There would be
no shocking memories

and the prevailing emotion will be one
of nostalgia for those left behind

combined with a spirt of

bold curiosity for
the adventure ahead!

Haah!

Aaah!

Doctor

you mentioned the ratio
of ten women to each man.

Now, wouldn't that
necessitate the abandonment

of the so-called
monogamous sexual relationship?

I mean, as far as men were concerned?

Regrettably, yes.

But it is, you know, a sacrifice
required for the future of the human race.

I hasten to add that since each man
will be required to do prodigious...

service along these lines,

the women will have to be selected
for their sexual characteristics,

which will have to be of
a highly stimulating nature.

I must confess, you have an
astonishingly good idea there, Doctor.

Thank you, sir.

I think we ought to look at this
from the military point of view.

I mean,
supposing the Ruskies

stashed away some big bombs,
see, and we didn't?

When they come out in 100 years,
they could take over!

I agree, Mr. President.

In fact, they might even try
an immediate sneak attack

so they could take over our
mine shaft space.

Yeah, I think it'd be extremely
naive of us, Mr. President,

to imagine that these new developments

are gonna cause any change
in Soviet expansionist policy!

I mean, we must be
increasingly on the alert

to prevent them from taking over
other mine shaft space

in order to breed more
prodigiously than we do

thus knocking us out through
superior numbers when we emerge!

Mr. President, we must not allow
a mine-shaft gap!

Sir!

I have a plan

'Mein Fuhrer'...

I can walk!

♪ We'll meet again

♪ Don't know where

♪ Don't know when

♪ But I know we'll meet again

♪ Some sunny day

♪ Keep smiling through♥

♪ Just like you always do

♪ 'til the blue skies

♪ Drive the dark clouds far away

♪ So will you please say hello

♪ To the folks that I know

♪ Tell them I won't be long

♪ They'll be happy to know

♪ That as you saw me go

♪ I was singing this song

♪ We'll meet again

♪ Don't know where

♪ Don't know when

♪ But I know we'll meet again

♪ Some sunny day

♪Subtitles corrected by♪ XQ2☻♥